Podcast episode exploring the meaning of assertiveness. Speakers define assertiveness as open, honest, calm, and respectful communication of one’s thoughts and needs (distinct from aggression or manipulation), cite Harry Flanagan’s phrasing from the Seven Pillars of Freedom, and indicate intent to unpack healthy, proactive ways to maintain relational health during the holiday season.
So in the past, we've kind of looked, in my opinion, looking at the episodes, a little bit more of a negative bent to the season and how to manage it. This year I wanted to look more at a proactive way to maintain health and safety during the holiday season. And this is the tis the season series. And the first one is on being assertive. When I say that word, I sort of know what I mean, but I think a lot of people are in the same boat. So just to create a baseline, what is the definition of being assertive? What does it mean and look like to be assertive?
So being assertive is our ability, and usually you see this in communication more than anything else. But it's our ability to be open and honest with our thoughts and our feelings and able to communicate that with other people that we have relationship with. And really it comes out in the way that we're able to be calm and clear in our expectations and really even concise in. In being able to communicate that this is what I want or I need. Because we also. Somebody who's assertive also recognizes that other people who I have relationship with, that they can't read my mind. They don't know what I expect or what I want or need unless I communicate this in a healthy way to them. And there's another aspect to it that also says that because I value myself, I see my worth and that my feelings and my thoughts and feelings matter. I also then recognize that whoever I'm talking with so that you. That I'm going to be respectful of you and I'm going to listen well. And because I recognize that your thoughts and feelings are also. That they have value. And so it really is this. This way of behaving and communicating in a way that is very reciprocal and interactive with those that we have relationship with. Does that make sense?
I think I would have traditionally thought of the word assertive or assertiveness as being slightly negative and maybe associated with people who were just really kind of brash and talkative or arrogant. Like they're always asserting themselves into other people's conversations or business. And yet it was actually in my first time through the Seven Pillars of Freedom, that Harry Flanagan talks about assertiveness and really helped me see the positive side of what it is to let my voice be heard, to be able to speak honestly and openly about what I'm feeling or what my hopes or expectations are, and then being able to leave that with other people to respond in the way they seem best. And so I actually pulled out the seven Pillars of how Harry Flanagan defines it. And I think he just got it from Wikipedia or Google or something like that. But in the Seven Pillars of Freedom, he says assertiveness can be defined as the quality of being self assured and confident without being aggressive. And I like that combination. I'm self assured, I'm confident in who I am, what I'm trying to say, but I'm not being aggressive or rude or boastful in the way I come about. He goes on to say, we want men seven pillars, so we want people to learn the concept of being assertive. Control seeks to manipulate another person's choices. Assertiveness simply allows others to hear your point of view while they retain the right to think or interpret the facts as they see fitness. And I think that's just really helpful. And I would say for those who know Harry Flanagan, it's something I've seen in his life a lot. His willingness to speak openly and yet calmly and kindly. Things that aren't always maybe popular or he knows that. This may not be something you want to hear, but I think it needs to be said about something I'm experiencing as part of the team or I'm seeing within the ministry. And it's honestly been helpful to me to have someone that really is practicing assertiveness of saying what they think, saying what they see, but doing it a way that is not forceful or manipulative in any way, trying or trying to control other people. So it's, yeah, I think an area I've learned a lot about, but I'm excited that we're going to talk more about it in this episode.
Yeah. And that was my hope. My hope was that we could flesh out what assertive means because I think there is that negative bent to it that people assume the same thing where it is an aggressive, harsh kind of thing.
So.
And I know we're going to unpack it more, but that was definitely some of the heart behind it.
