What Stayed The Same In The New Betrayal & Beyond | Pure Desire Ministries

What, because we've already talked about now, what has changed? What stayed the same in this resource from the old version and why is that important in this update to keep those things the same.

So I've always thought that the betrayal and beyond, even the old version had such good foundational information and tools. A lot of the tools have stayed the same. Talking about trauma and safety seeking and emotional stabilization, wearing masks, which is huge for. Not Covid masks, not Covid masks, but just masking how we're actually feeling forgiveness, all of those things. And really one of the best things that we could do was to take all of those really great foundational pieces and push into those a little bit more. So instead of having maybe two lessons that talk a little bit about trauma, we were able to then give women four lessons to say you might be experiencing these kind of symptoms and here's why. And so really just helping women recognize more so their need to take their own healing seriously. Because it's like if you're in the morning, if your brain is just ruminating over discovery or disclosure and all of these things that are happening and all day long you're not productive and you can't take care of yourself well, and you can't take care of your kids well, you. And by the end of the day, your brain is still in the same place. You need to have that awareness that something is wrong, not with you, but something is impacting you and you need to make a change, something that's going to help you to find healing. It did take all of those really great things that were in the original version, but then because we had taken out some other things, it gave us more space and more time essentially to really help women to get a strong foundation in these first two phases of their healing journey that really are going to set them up for whatever comes next for them.

Yeah, and one thing I, one thing that I thought about was, you know, the Trail and Beyond has been helping women for a long time. But over the last few years, especially during COVID everybody went online and there is so much content and things available now that women kind of come into group knowing what they want you to tell them. Now they've already done the research, they've already listened to the podcast, and so I think what we've done is we've created a less inflammatory, like non denominational resource, you know, where we're not, you know, where we're, we're kind of highlighting the things that we can all agree on and talk about as betrayed spouses and like I said, I still see them doing that deep work of connecting family trauma and having good boundaries, but with. Without saying, what did you bring into the marriage? What are you contributing to this chaos that's going on? We're giving them a place to still talk about these things, but without kind of like an accusatory tone. And the leaders that I get that have struggled with the change, they're often leaders who've been doing it for 10 or more years or have done 10 or more groups, and they're great leaders. But we've designed these workbooks to be for the layperson in a church or just somebody that can pick it up and say, let's go through this together. And so I think we've given them a resource that they really can pick up even easier and go through. And regardless if they have a woman who comes in listening to this podcast and. And knows all this information, they're able to talk about this mutual information about, let's heal from betrayal. Let's understand what's happened to us, mind, body and soul because of betrayal, and then move forward in health. And so I think that in a group setting, it's a lot more appropriate. If you are an experienced leader or a counselor, you can navigate some of those more complex issues faster. But this is first phase for most women, and we want it to feel very safe for them to come, and we don't want them to hear anything that they may have heard in their marriage. Well, your family has this too. That's not why they're there. So the point is healing from betrayal trauma first before moving into those family issues.

Yeah. And I would add that the structure of the group has remained the same, the packaging that the group comes in. And so it is still the same general time frame, the same length, the same group guidelines, the same place of safety and confidentiality and honoring other people's stories and not going off on rabbit trails and having cross talk and telling everybody how to fix their lives. There's some of those safety parameters that we have seen just make for healthy groups. And so those are still in place. The packaging that it comes in is still very similar. The content has changed a lot. But what I would also say has not changed is our view and approach that this has to be built on our faith in Christ. And a biblical found that healing and recovery through the lens of where is God in my story and how do I trust him? If maybe the betrayal in my marriage has caused me to have doubts about my faith and where am I at with God? I think just addressing those pieces as well, to say we're doing this through the lens of faith. And so that's a cornerstone of pure desire and is also something that is the same from the previous material.

And to your point earlier about people's concern that it might somehow not be focused on the marriage, that perspective has not changed either. We are very, very much focused on restoration of marriages and making sure that that is a focus, but it's just the sequencing of things has changed to try to set that.