Down The Rabbit Hole: Return to Wonderland Herriman Harmonyx 2019 1

You, you, congratulate us with another cup of tea.

A very merry unbirthday to me.

Yes, my friend, I must agree. Tell me, how does one acquire such a talent? No idea. But I have a question for you, David. Of course. How is a raven like a writing desk? Well, I would say, based upon the question— Rob! Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too difficult? How about an easier one? Okay. If green is the color of greed, why is yellow always begging forgiveness? Oh, that's an easy one. At supper, Could it be because the cabbage is— No, no, no, Bagley, you are bald! He's bald! He's bald! But you didn't let me finish! Be quiet! One last question, Doctor, and this one's the easiest of all. If you don't fancy a fresh plucky meal, answer carefully. I might kind of throw this one to the mob. A turtle? Of course not! I can't pluck a turtle! Oh, then do your worst. What is the difference between a duck and—

And?

Is that your answer? No, no, it needs more context. What's the difference between a duck and— Am I the one asking the questions here? Time is ticking. Could the answer be yes? Brilliant! You are correct, sir!

What is going on here?

No room, no room, no room!

Is this an iron birthday party that I wasn't invited to?

We were going to invite you, but we decided to Oh, that girl!

She's always ruining my plans. Oh, I'm going to get her one day. Now, I've come to remind you of my party, and you all had better practice and be ready. Owen Hatter, Alice is not invited.

What? Alice!

Alice! Are you daydreaming again? You're exasperating. As I was saying, now that we've finished arithmetic, we can move on to ancient history, which happens to be one of my favorite subjects, so please pay attention. Let's see, where were we? Ah yes, we were learning about China.

Right again.

How on earth is— how can she sisters be so completely opposite each other? What could possibly be interesting about ancient Chinese history? Well, I suppose they did make a splendid game of checkers, but— Is that really all you think the Chinese have contributed to the world? Checkers?

Well, yes.

Oh, and chopsticks. But what a useless idiot sisters theirs were. They're as spurious, false, and How have the Chinese ever tried to eat soup with checkers as eating utensils? Honestly! Dear Alice, perhaps if you took time to read books rather than use them as step stools, you would know that tea was invented by the Chinese, as well as papermaking, printing, and gunpowder. Oh, and let us not forget the most widely used navigational aid of all time: The compass? The compass? Hey, are you sure, Margaret? Let me see. Oh, I suppose you're right. Made in China! Oh, Alice, please, you're impossible. Let's get back to our studies. Oh, but Margaret, this is all so boring and proper. Can't we please, please, please do something else? Like, how about singing? Or dancing? I'm sure there is lots of silly singing and dancing going on in Wonderland as we speak. Alice, please, no more talk of this silly Wonderland. Everyone knows it was nothing more than a dream. It wasn't a dream. Margery was real, and it was amazing. I can take you! Oh, it would be fun! Margaret, it's like a totally different world. Listen. Don't know much about history. Don't know much about biology. Don't know much about French either. Don't know much about a science book. But I know that Wonderland is true. And I really want to go with you. The water remains to be. Oh, I could die from the shame of my sister's silly game. What have they been putting in her tea? She must learn to hold her tongue, or it Emotions are high-strung. She knows that Wonderland is just a dream. Your words I abhor. Please don't mention it more. You're a tea dream believer and it's embarrassing. I wonder much about history. Is it more than just facts and biology? Now I know how crazy you can be. And this dream that I've often made about is filled with heart and energy. I want to go with you. It all wonders and has proven to every being. Oh, Margaret, please go away from me, please!

Never. Enough!

No more talk of white rabbits and other nonsense. You must stop dreaming and start living in reality, or people will think you're absolutely bonkers. It's not nonsense, Margaret, and I'll prove it to you. But follow me. Where are you going? To find the rabbit hole and to return to Wonderland. Margaret, are you coming? Alice, get back here! Alice! Oh, I'm going to regret this. Wait for me, I'm coming! I'm sure that was the right rabbit hole. Oh, Alice! There you are! Thank goodness I found you! Oh, oh, how on earth did you crawl down that tiny hole? And I hardly killed you. To find Wonderland, of course. Alice, this is not funny. It appears that we're lost in the woods. We need to find a way out. All right. I think we should go this way. Alice! There's a large purple cat right behind you!

Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you! Oh, how have you been?

Oh, I missed you.

Moritz, Moritz, this is the cat I've been telling you about.

Alice, you don't actually think it would answer you, do you? I beg your pardon? It would be rude not to answer after a greeting like that. She talks! She's talking! A talking cat! Well, of course she talks, Margaret. Welcome to Wonderland! I knew I could find it again. Not the smartest girl, is she? You must be related. What's that supposed to mean? Oh, nothing. But it appears you've never seen a talking cat before. Of course I haven't. Cats can't talk. At least I didn't think they would. I'm having trouble remembering. Oh, I can do a lot more than talk. I remember the days of just keeping time, of hanging around in Wonderland forever. That road's empty for miles. Well, you can't have a dream and cut it to bits. And when I saw you, I knew you'd go together like a wink and a smile. Now my heart is music, sunshine in the song. Speak it again, don't simmer it. This is where you belong. Just the sound of your voice, the light in your eyes, so far away from yesterday. Together, as we Wink and smile. We go together like a wink and a smile. Well, now do you believe me? You just have to say it. But you couldn't have it. Oh, I could, and I did. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. You, Alice, left Wonderland in quite a state. The Queen was so angry with your disrupting her kingdom that Wonderland simply lost its wonder. Oh, oh dear, Cheshire, I am so sorry. Well, I never meant Of course you didn't! But you did. But never fear, I am of course the Cheshire Cat, and with a little magic, all will be well soon. Eh, well, what are you going to do? Oh, you'll see, Alice, you'll see. Blood, sweat, and tears, sisters! That's what it takes to achieve all great and terrible things. Now I must be going. Tom, come on. All right, all right, there is a perfectly natural explanation for all this. I simply fell and hit my head on a root in the rabbit hole.

Oh, I'm big, I'm big, I'm oh so very big. No way to shrink or to deflate. I'm big, I'm big, I'm big.

Alice, what was that? Hide amongst the rocks. I refuse to take home from that thing. Let's go see. I don't like this place, Alice. Come on, it appears to be coming from that strange little puffball.

Oh, I beg your pardon. Little girls should keep their hands to themselves. Alice, is it really you?

Oh, I'm so happy to see you. My Robin! What happened to you? You're You're so, so big! And why on earth are you wearing a house?

Well, it's a really long story.

Oh, well, this is very, very curious indeed. Please tell me all about it.

Well, there I was, minding my own business—

Excuse me, sir. What is going on here? Why are you dressed up as a rabbit with a house around his waist?

Dressed up? How dare you! I am the White Rabbit, Royal a messenger to the Queen of Hearts. Everyone in Wonderland knows this. The better question is, who are you?

Oh, my apologies. Rabbit, allow me to introduce my sister Margaret. Margaret, this is the white rabbit who I've been telling you about. However, he is much, much larger than the last time I was here. This is ridiculous. Gremlin should not play dress-up. It is quite Disturbing. Take that costume off right this instant!

She's trying to tear off my fur! There's something wrong with her. She's as mad as a hatter.

I am not at all mad.

She's an absolute blunderbuss.

I am not a blunderbuss.

Are you? I'm not. Are you?

No, you're not. Oh no, I am not. Rabbit, this is Wogga's very first time in a lab, and you must understand what a shock it is to her.

Well, I'm not a fan of her coping skills.

Oh, that's it! Margaret, you have forgotten your manners. Now please, Rabbit, finish telling us all about how you grew so big.

Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, when I was sitting at home just watching the clock, special date, I didn't want to be late, no. Well, along came a cat who was carrying a plate with a frosty dessert, a big carrot cake on. Well, I tried to be strong, but what could I do? So I thanked her for the gift and I just couldn't wait, and so I ate. Then it didn't take too long before I knew that there was something wrong. But when I turned around, the cat was laughing at me. Before I knew it, I was through my roof, and I didn't know what to do. So you've got to help me, Alice. Help me, what will I do? Now I'm standing here, random, wearing my house, and the worst part about it was I hated that key. Oh yeah, and the Queen is gonna see me and she'll probably yell that a rabbit cannot stay if he can't bid in the court. Oh no, I wish I could be courageous, but I guess I just don't have it. And to make the matters worse, I am unable to shrink. I'm stuck big. Now I can't hide forever, so we've got to figure this out. Because I'm the biggest rabbit that has ever, ever, ever been. Hey, hey, hey, Alice, now you've heard the full story, so tell me what are we gonna do? Oh.

Oh, Rabbit! That was a really long speech! So, what you're saying is the Cheshire Cat brought you a cake which you chose to eat and then it made you grow large?

That's exactly what I just said! Were you not listening? I found the mouse.

Well, Rabbit, why don't you just eat another cake to make you shrink again?

Well, I've tried that, but nothing seems to work. You know, Alice, things have not been the same here since you left. Oh, and now look, I'm late for the royal party. I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. Oh no, the Queen will surely have my head this time, and yours too if she sees you.

Oh, hold on, I'm sure it won't be that bad. Let's go to the party and maybe we can find some help. In the meantime, let's find some disguises.

Oh, it shouldn't be hard, it's a masquerade party.

A masquerade, but this will be fun. You, we are in Wonderland now, so if you want to keep your head about you, I suggest you keep your mouth shut around the Queen. I'm sure that this is absolutely missing, but the longer I'm in this strange place, the curiouser and curiouser it gets.

Hide your face so the world will never find you. Masquerade, every face a different shade. Masquerade, look around, there's a lot of masks behind you. Spish and swirl, fish and fowl, golden goats, golden cows.

Splash of green, splash of brown, gizzard plops, gizzard frown.

Faceless children take a ride on the merry-go-round in a Cuban place.

Birds, ghouling goose, villain, priest, curling lip, twirling pink, treason, rouge, face of hate.

Faces, drink it up, drink it up, till you're crowned with the light of the sun.

Now here we are, what a sight, what a crowd, makes me sad.

I want the crème de la crème.

If my aunt were alive, I'd mean I'd be pleased.

Where's my watch?

Where's the queen?

Where's the quill? Anyone? Capote!

We're leaving, I insist. Where's the host?

Miss, we must. Please don't As a toast to the mad queen, my wife, hope she won't end my life. She never fails. Oh, that smells.

She's a mock, but a man to me. We plant our blades. Masquerade, burning branches to be heads.

Masquerade, stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you. Masquerade, digging down the spitting rats. Masquerade, take the fearless Spectacle astound you. Attention!

All guests must register so Her Majesty the Queen knows who not to execute. That's right, your life will surely depend on it.

Oh, my dears, I'd like to add my add my name to the list. Wouldn't want to lose my head. Not that the old windbag could catch me if she wanted to. Why, everyone knows that the dodo is among the fastest in the avian kingdom. I've won more caucus races than a crooked politician. Why, Frank, you're all joking! The crooked ones are the fastest! Indubitably. Indubitably. Correct, yes. Let's see here. Should I sign my first name, which is Territor, or my nickname, which is Hatter, or my first nickname, which is Mad, or my full nickname backwards, which is Hatter Mad? Ooh, I like that one!

Is that too confusing? I know!

I'll sign in as Bill! Thank you, Bill. Who? You! You! Who?

Never mind.

I guess I should register.

Senator, let it be done.

Did we have a choice?

Uh, you three, remove your masks and sign in. But it's me!

Alice! Alice, it is you! I'd know you anywhere! I'd know him anywhere!

Wow, the Queen is going to have someone's head when she sees you. You know, the last time you were here, the Queen became so irate she executed all the royal jets. Except for myself and 13. Me for my unseemly good luck, and 13 having been removed from the deck for being too unlucky.

Cheers!

Well, I guess you could consider yourself lucky for being unlucky. Ariel, your cards are always everything in your heart, but I would watch myself around them. Good, because you know the last time you Oh, I know, I know. And who are your friends?

Why, I'm the White Rabbit, Royal Messenger to the Queen of Hearts. That's preposterous! Why, everyone knows the White Rabbit is small and well-regalized. You, sir, are a blunderbuss, and therefore any Imposter? I concur. Oh, with his head! Did I say it with enough authority? Perhaps I could be queen. You said it quite matter-of-factly, and it is really matter-of-factly. Oh, see, I knew this would be bad. What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

Max Rabbit, if that's really who you are, only the real queen can order executions. Aha, don't know this me. He just grew too quickly and got stuck in his house. Can't anyone help him?

I've been stuck to my home all my life. No one really seems to care. Not with you, Turtle. The lights are on, but the amphibian is not home. Indeed. Now let's see here. Yes, what breed of rabbit did you say you were again? A cottontail? Oh, uh, could you save me this? Oh, oh. Perfect! I have the solution. This rabbit is a cottontail and therefore susceptible to extreme shrinkage when washed in tumble dryer high heat. Now based on my calculations, a heat of 185 degrees at 20 minutes will shrink him down. Yes, down, down, down to normal size. Quick! Someone put on a large teapot! That's interesting. As usual, your intelligence precedes you. Could it be that you're related to the doggos? Well, my mother always told me you are what you eat. How dare you! I am the great doggo, not some bumbling blue-footed boobie! To even suggest consuming my flesh is an outrage! Well, how else would one attain such intelligence? Well, makes sense, I guess.

Yes, I'm sure. Now, can we please have the young lady still wearing a mask sign in? My name is Margaret Chesterfield, and I simply cannot believe what I am seeing here. Sir, do you realize that your method for shrinking the rabbit would roast him alive? This place makes no sense, and nothing here has a point.

Time is drowning. Hearts are open. Heads are rolling. Nothing can save me now. Tick-tock. Oh, I miss Margaret. Tea was an excellent suggestion. Oh, uh— Bottoms up. Oh, you haven't drunk yours yet. Yeah. Oh, everyone please listen. Oh, madam, I mustn't eat. It wasn't me. I must You don't know what this is. This isn't mine. Of course it's not. You stole it from me, you thieving cuckoo. Oh, what? As I was saying, of course I agree with Miss Margaret. Wonderland is quite pointless.

Finally, some sensibility.

Yes, I have just the remedy. Well, Bob Turtle, if you would be so kind. In this bag, I have points. For everyone! Ho! Ho! Ho! Votation! Whoever marked the most points wins! 9 to 10! 6!

What do you mean now? You're handing out points, but those are not the points I was referring to.

And the best point of all goes to the most beautiful sister of ours!

Well, thank you. I guess you do all have points of a sort.

I point this? Precisely.

All rise for Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts.

Hail to the Red Queen, even when she's mean, she got the cream of the merdine. Hail to the Queen, hail to the King, hail, we got our cream of the cream. Now presenting the Wicked Witch of the West!

That was last year. Contrarywise. If it was so, it would be, and if it weren't so, it might be. But as it isn't, it ain't.

That is logic.

If you want anything done right, don't ask a Tweedle. Off with you now. Due to the fact that I am not I have not seen the White Rabbit in quite some time, and it is abundantly clear that he has yet again shrunk away from his duties. I must act as royal messenger myself, an event that will surely lead to the having of his head.

Now, darling, he has been a very loyal subject. Perhaps you shouldn't overreact.

Where was I? Oh yes, I do hope you've all signed in. I'd hate to have an execution before my party.

Of course.

Now then, welcome to the first semi-semi-annual spectacle of song starring your Queen. I said your Queen!

That's better.

We have someone in. He claims to be the White Rabbit, but he is much too— how can I say this nicely? Oh, he's much too fat! I'm so sorry, he's much too large. Well, he'd better show himself then, don't you think?

Your Majesty, I know I'm a lot bigger, but I'm still the White Rabbit, your royal messenger.

Hmm. Well, you don't look like my white rabbit. Here, put that away. Tell me, when is my tea time?

10:30, 11:27, 12:48, 1:57, 2:11—

Silence! I have determined that you are indeed the white rabbit. Nobody could know those details. Except for this. However, according to Rule 47, any subject who draws two knives to the royal court must be executed.

Your Majesty, it's civil war! Oh my excuse me, Your Majesty, you cannot execute this rabbit. Who do you think you are, a quiet rabbit? I'm in a negotiation. Without first advocating his It's hair. I think the hatter could make a fine hat with it. Oh yes, several dozen in fact. Excellent suggestion, Daddo.

Enough. Off with his head. Oh, halt! Everybody listen. My husband, he had a thought. My husband, He thinks I should determine what to do with you later. He doesn't want to spoil the party. Now then, let's get on with this. Hodge, I do believe you have something prepared for me. Yes, my queen.

Of course, my queen.

For the spectacle is just begun. Praying that the Queen is pleased and all our lives are spared. Here we are. The Queen demands that we must sing, must sing. But when the girl is here, the Queen surely knows there will be no stir by cheer, no stir by roar. Join with the Queen of Hearts in all parts. We know that the Queen is smart, is smart. But that's what you'll have to do. —keep your head attached to you. 7:15, we open. We open. We'll be out to slay. Out to slay. That's what we love to do. Rob Bagley will roll too. Alex! Alex! She doesn't ever seem to learn. She keeps coming round and making such a Over her head!

Don't let that silly girl upset you. I know just the thing to take your mind off her.

It better work.

They say the price of your love, not a price that they're willing to pay. They They cry in their tea, which they hurl on the ground when they see you go by. Why so sad? Remember you made an arrangement so you'd keep your heads. Now you're being a madman. Remember, despite your reluctance, she's your queen. Then you'll be better. Yes, it's true. They'll remember they belong to you. They'll be back, time will tell. They'll remember that you served them well. Oceans rise, empires fall. You have seen each other through it all. And when push comes to shove, you could send the fully armed battalion. And no, don't change the subject, 'cause they're your favorite subjects, your sweet submissive subjects, your loyal royal subjects, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. They'll be back like before. You will fight the fight and win the war. For their love, for their praise, and their love until your dying days. They were gone, but they've come back. So don't throw away the thing you have.

Piles went through ships, cars I'd kill your friends and family to remind them of my love.

Well, they did make me feel better, especially the part about the killing.

I like that. Excellent.

On with the All citizens of Wonderland, I am pleased to present to you the one and only Queen of Hearts, singing her favorite song, The Good Ship Lollipop.

Oh, that was absolutely wonderful. My God, I'm adorable!

What? Who said that?

You find me awful! Terrible! Rotten! Atrocious! Would you like me to go on? How dare you speak to me that way! How dare you speak so badly as to hurt my heart! We came tonight because we didn't have an option, and we've all prepared for this spectacle song. What if I am Frank? Her singing drives me crazy. Please, my friends, correct me if It holds you down, you dressy old ghost.

Her only friends are 13 and Lucky 7. The rest must stay mute, or we should take our heads. But this must end, and we don't know who's the rages. At her penis, I'm inciting a revolution. So I'm afraid that with the cat I must concur. So I'm standing up here to say, well, Ooh! Ooh!

This spectacle is ruined! Who would know? Was I really Harold Horton?

Uh, not really Harold Horton. What about the spectacle of fun? Don't worry about that now. There'll be time for spectacles to be had later. Ooh! You're no help! Oh, right. How are we ever supposed to find that stupid cat?

With my luck, she could be walking right behind us and I'd never see her. That's alright, because with my luck, I'd spot her immediately. I wish I had your optimism. Everything good seems to happen to you, and everything good, bad, always happens to me. Well, you know, Alice was right. The fact that you weren't in the deck when the Queen cut it so badly is probably enough. You really think so? Sure, you know, we make a great pair together. We should sing a song about it. That's a good idea. Imagine Lucky you, I do, just luck around you day and night. It's only right to think about the luck we have and hold it tight. So lucky together. If I could take your luck for just some time and save it all the luck you have. You could now be mine. Imagine how the world will be so very fine, so lucky together. I won't share my life with nobody but you for all my life. When you're with me, Seven, the skies will be blue for all my life. Me and you, and you and me, no matter how the cards are dealt. It's meant to be. The lucky one for me is you. So lucky together. So lucky together. No matter the weather. So lucky together. So lucky together. You're right, we do go together. 707, where are you? I need a pedicure. It is your lucky day, you get to rub my feet. See, being lucky isn't all it's cracked up to be. I must go attend to the Queen. You'll be fine. Well, I'm not so sure about this. What if I get lost? Have a little faith. Next time I see you, you'll have that Cheshire Cat by the tail. Good luck. Thanks, I'm gonna need it. 7! Oh, 7! Oh no, how am I supposed to find that stupid cat without 7? Calm down, 13. You know what you You need to think like a feline.

Meow. Meow. This way.

She must have gone this way. Pretty. Calm down. Wish me luck. In my clothes? Oh, okay.

Found it!

Oh my heavens, Mr. Fine, that stupid cat! Wait a minute, what is this? I believe this is hairball. Excuse me, sir, is this your hairball? Oh yeah, you don't have enough hair for this.

Send it to me!

It must be from the Cheshire Cat! And cat tracks! It was lucky I fell, I'd never climb this trail. Wait a minute. I was lucky. I was lucky! This is amazing, I've never felt like this before! Have you felt like this before? Well, you should write about it in your journal and say that number 13 was lucky And remember it forever and always.

I'm just so happy. I do hope Alice got away from the Queen. She seems like a nasty person. I'm sure she's fine. Nothing really bad happened.

All the same, we need to find a way back to her. This place really is curious.

Oh, I suppose it's somewhat curious.

Mock Turtle, why are you always so down? I mean, you live in this place called Wonderland, and all you really have to do from day to day is be you. Why aren't you happier?

Well, I wasn't always like this, but ever since Alice left, the Queen's temper has made Wonderland a lot less wonderful. Don't you see what I see?

Look at all the amazing things around you. Don't let them ruin this place for you. Let me tell you about the way you can see Wonderland as seen by me. It's a crazy magic place, brings a smile to my face. Let me tell you about the cat that can And to the cards, back to dance. And to the queen dressed in red, although she fills me with dread. When birds teach Wonderland, the way was a lot. Now it's time you clean up your heart, sure, starting from big to small. Let me tell you about the keeps that make you groan. Have you seen the rat And clouds that can see all the joy they can bring. When it led me to Wonderland, I couldn't believe my eyes. Everything I saw was new and strange, everything a surprise. Your turn, try it.

My turtle, give yourself a second chance. Chance. Go ahead and take a glance at this wonder wonderland. I think you'll find it grand.

I myself could not understand the beauty of this place, but the longer I'm here, the more magical it You know, Miss Margaret, you were right.

I've been so caught up in my own self-loathing and despair that I neglected to see what I had for the treasure that it truly is. I must thank you with all the sincerity in my heart for pulling me out of my shell and back into enlightenment.

You're very welcome, kind sir.

Now, where to? I believe it would be good to find the Hata Adodo. They may have an expert dealing with that theme.

Oh good! Do you know if the Hatter is seeing anyone? Actually, never mind. Please don't tell him I said anything. Now, I can't wait to see who or what we bump into along the way. You're not going to get us lost, are you? Certainly not!

I'm the Mock Turtle. I carry my home on my back, so I'm always in my own neighborhood.

Now that you mention it, what is a mock turtle anyway?

My dear young lady, that's an easy one. A mock turtle is simply a turtle who's not a turtle. No more and no less.

Well, I guess that makes sense.

It doesn't have to make sense. It just is. Now, you keep walking that way till you reach the Queen's Garden. I'll go this way.

That way? You mean on your own? We can't go two separate ways together, now can we?

Of course I mean on my own.

Don't worry, I'll be back soon. Okay, it's along this way.

Good. Thank you, Tweedle. That was quite enough. Now, Elahaja has an announcement for you all. Did you? Why, thank you, Doctor Guess. Another riddle. Why is the letter Q. But while you are pondering that, go ahead and use a P. Excellent one, Patrick. Yes, yes. Now you will be served dessert tonight, and you will have an opportunity to, to— relieve oneself of one's tea. Yes, exactly. Hope you can join it. We'll see you shortly. I only had one practice.

Okay, thank you.

Hatter, Dodo, you've got to help me! What if I can't shrink back to my normal size? The Queen definitely won't want a giant beast like me in her royal court. Oh, just look at me. I scare myself. She'll definitely have me executed. Oh, why am I asking you two for for advice. You wanted my pelt. Waste not, want not, rabbit. Do you think she likes me? The Queen? No, Kit! Stay on subject! What does she have to do with tricking me? If you ask me, I think— Pink up!

Rose down!

If you ask me, I think she's stubborn, rude, mean, and barbaric. Sure, sure, sure, easily overlooked, but she's smart, beautiful, and amazing. Our friend the Hatter has a case of the lubbidubbies. Lubbidubbies? Are they contagious? Oh, they can be. I believe that what the Hatter has is particular to him. Many a brave dodo lost his money, freedom, and independence to the lubbidubbies. Money? Don't need it. Freedom? Overrated. Promote you? Independence? Meaningless when all I desire is to be dependent upon her delicate arms for my support. Pick up, move down! Insidious things, the love dummies. Well, is there anything we can do to help him? No, he's completely infected. You best say your goodbyes now while he still acknowledges you. Oh, look, here comes the husband of the beast! By your majesty, you are still in one piece. Apparently, her queenliness did not seem to leave you. You know, Hatter, we may secretly be friends, but I am still king. I'm going to allow my wife to have her way the next time she threatens to take your head from under your hat. Anyway, look who I found. He's back to his normal happy self. I see. Congratulations, Mock Turtle. Now, where was I? Oh yes, where was I? Nice to see you back to your old self, Mock Turtle. But tell us, what has you so chipper? All of a sudden? It was Alice's sister. She reminded me of how Wonderland should be. Oh, yes, splendid. Now, sire, sire, how goes the battle for you today? Oh, same as every other day. The Queen is out of control, and then she doesn't care if I come or go. Well, that's more of a blessing than you know, my friend. Yes, it could be worse. You could be 5 times your normal size and worried you would You're about to lose your head. Green cup! Move down! Over a slice of carrot cake? Well, I suppose when you put it that way, you do have it a little worse than I do. Just— she loves me not. She loves me! He has a case of the lovey-dummies. Take it from me, Hathor, fight it! Just fight it! Forget about him. His infection is complete. Now, sire, is there anything that we can do for you today? Well, The Queen has gone from out of control to psychotic since the spectacle of Song of the Dodo. I just can't deal with it anymore. I need some advice on what to do. Well, sire, you've come to the right place. You see, the male dodo is a fiercely independent creature. We do not allow the females in our lives to have such a hold. No, sir. A true dodo The true lover is never afraid to walk out on his mate and never come back. It makes life much simpler. So you're saying I should leave the Queen? Precisely, yes. I can never do that. I wouldn't even know how. Oh, yes, you could. After you're quite finished chewing off the end of your fingers. Yes, I will. The king needs some advice. Now, there must be many ways for you to leave the queen. I remember this one time. The problem is all inside your head, she said to me. The answer is easy if you take it logically. I'd like to help you With your struggle to be free, there must be 50 ways to leave your lover. She said it's really not my habit to intrude, but boy, my meaning might be lost in this construction site. And simply, there must be 50 ways to leave your lover. Keep back up here, just slip off the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. No need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus. No need to discuss it more. Just hop off the beam and get yourself free. Slip off the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. No need to be coy, Roy. Just leave the beam. Hop on the bus and gus, you don't need to discuss much, just turn off the TV and get yourself free. Well, I appreciate the advice. That's just not going to happen. I can't leave the Queen, she'd have my head for sure. I suppose I'll just keep doing what I've been doing and try to find the best in my situation. So the way I see it, I'm about to be beheaded, the Hatter is doomed but he just doesn't know it yet, and the King is married to a monster disguised as a lady. Ironically, the happiest one of us all is the Mock Jury. Hehe. Well, none of this seems very hopeful. If I am doomed, Let me be doomed! But all the doom and destruction that exists could not harm my soul so long as I have my Margaret to hold. He really is losing touch. Well, whenever I get to a place where I think things can't get any worse, they usually do. And then I get through it and it all seems to work out. Yes, but how do I— Hector! If you are quite finished dancing with the Mock Turtle, the Rabbit needs some cheering up. Get off him. All right, please. I have an idea that might help, but you'll need to pay attention and follow along. Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4. They say it's all right. They say it's all right, say it's all right, have a good time, 'cause it's all right, whoa, it's all right. And we're gonna move it slow when the lights are low. When you're moving slow, you gotta let go, 'cause it's all right, whoa, it's It's all right. Now listen to the beat. Kinda tap your feet. You've got soul. Everybody knows that it's all right. Whoa, it's all right. When you wake up early in the morning feeling sad like so many of us do, have a little song Forget what's going on, and surely something's gotta come to you, and you gotta say it's alright. They say it's alright. It's alright to have a good time, 'cause it's alright. Whoa, it's alright. Now everybody clap your hands. Now give yourself a chance. You got soul, everybody knows that. It's all right, bro, it's all right. So now find me a woman who will love and treat me right. When my love got a girl, my love, she gonna know. From morning, noon, and night. And she's gonna say that it's all right. Say it's all right. Say it's all right. Have a good time, 'cause it's all right.

Whoa, it's all right.

I feel better already. That's the spirit. Face the executioner's fork with a smile. I will. Wait, what? He said face the executioner's fork. I won't let my wife execute you. Oh, thank you. Now we should probably start heading back to the palace because I know my wife will want to finish making a spectacle of herself. I can't finish the spectacle itself. Oh no, you're here to kill me! Oh, what am I gonna do? Okay, be brave. I walk to you with bravery, and after I'm gone, I hope you make a delicious stew. No, I can't do this! I can't do it! Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me!

What are you thinking about, Kieran? I need your help. Will you help me find the treasure, Kat?

Yes, yes, of course. Come with me, I'll tell you on the way. Treasure! Oh, Treasure Cat!

Has anyone seen the Treasure Cat? Cheshire? Cheshire Cat, where have you gone, you naughty cat? Oh, there you are! I have been looking everywhere for you, you terrible, terrible cat. You have created such a mess around here, and the Queen is going to have your head for sure. But Cheshire, you need to make things right. Alice? You are absolutely right. I need to take responsibility for my actions and make amends. In fact, I will allow you to present me to the Queen as your prisoner. That ought to score some points in your favor, don't you think? Well, I suppose it will. But wait, that's it? You're just simply giving yourself up? I am, and you'll get all the glory for catching me. Well, in that case, let's go find the Queen. Hello, Seven, are you done yet? Almost, Majesty. Hurry! Oh, don't go far. Please leave the door open. I may need to rub you again A little more luck. Not already, Genie. What did you say? Nothing, just clearing my throat. I thought so. Your Majesty, I brought you someone. It's you and you, both of you. Seven, Seven, the Cheshire Cat has something to tell you. Well then, she better spit it out while she can. I present to you Alice and my prisoner. You, please, walk out of the prison. Executor, it's up to you. Soldiers, attack her! Oh my God, she's locked us in! What do you have there, Seven? Make Wonderland great again. Oh, that's such fake news. Off with her head! Your Majesty, as your good luck and executioner, I refuse to execute this nice young lady. What? I've watched you do away with far too many people, and it is not going to happen this time. How dare you disobey What do you think you're doing? Seven! Seven! No! Get hands off me! Ew! On the head! You brute! Ew! What is going on here? It's about time you showed up. Help get me out of these vines so we can deal with these two traitors. My king, I fold. I just wanted to prove to my cat her differences with Alice, and there was no way she would do that without being bound to this chair. I was planning to untie her.

Silence! This is completely unacceptable. Yes. That rope will never hold. Use this instead.

What rope are you with there? How dare you!

You have been all out of sorts, and you need to put an end to this anger so Wonderland can return to normal. Now, you may not leave this room until you put an end to this unqueenly behavior. Seven, Alice, do your best.

Your Majesty, it looks like you are stuck with this, so we may as well on all differences together. Let's work together, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you and I combine? Let's work together, what do you say? We could have a swingin' time, we'd be a crazy team. Why don't we make it hit the scene together? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's dance Together, yeah, yeah, yeah. Think of being kind instead. Let's get together, what do you say? Instead of cutting off their heads. And now it's time to scream and shout. Let's not be in Queens of Hearts together. Oh, it does feel strange. Would you try and make I guess I will try. After all, I'm the queen. I can do anything. Let's get together, yeah, yeah, yeah. To this life of nice and long. Let's get together right away. You'll be having twice the fun and one less calamity. A groovy two-step you will be dancing. Together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please tell Miss Alice what she can do to make you happy. Well, I simply do not know what she can do for me. She's a silly little girl and I'm the Queen. Yes, but you're obviously upset, so there must be something. Well, they don't like her, they don't like me, and I thought that by creating this spectacle of songs so they'd all hear my beautiful singing voice, they'd fall in love with me. But instead she shows up and then the cat. You saw what happened. It's just not fair. Well, Your Majesty, with all due respect, it wasn't Alice or the Cheshire Cat, that ruined the spectacle song. The truth is, if we're being honest, you just can't sing. What do you mean I can't sing? Of course I can sing! Your Majesty, you can't sing. But it's okay, because a few moments ago you gave me an idea that will allow all of us to enjoy the spectacle song. But would you like to hear it? Please, Why don't you try it, Your Majesty? I can't believe I'm saying this, but all right, I'll give it a try. But if it doesn't work, you know what will happen. Oh, I tried mine. Wonderful! I'm so happy. Seven, why don't you go and read my elf guess, and I will explain my wonderful idea to the Queen. Of course. Okay, so this is my book. Malteser! There you are!

Where have you been?

Are you sure that we aren't both lost?

Certainly not! I carry my home on my back, so I'm always in my own neighbourhood. I don't know about you though, you made me very lost indeed.

Well, you did leave me alone with the vaguest of instructions. Hello! Oh my goodness, Cheshire Cat, you startled me! We are trying to find our way back to the Queen's garden, and it appears that we're lost.

Can you help us find the way back?

Wouldn't that last for a bit, just— Well, of course I could! I can help you. The question is, will I help you? And I'm not sure about that one yet. Well, since it was you with your mean-spirited comments that got us into this situation in the first place, I think you should be the one to show us the way back.

Young lady, this female only does what's best for her. We'd be best to just continue on without her.

I'm afraid the total's right. I'm gonna do what's best for me. Aha! I found you! Yes! I finally found you! You're under arrest, and you're coming with me. You are arresting me? That's a good one. Everyone knows you're so unlucky that even if you could catch me, you'd probably do something unlucky You like get struck by lightning and then we just casually walk away. You know what? You're probably right. But not today, because I brought a secret weapon! A giant rabbit's foot for good luck. Wait a minute. If you're going to tell us that you killed the White Rabbit just so you could have one of his feet, I'm going to be Oh, that is rubbish, and would be way too messy. I figured it'd be easier just to ask him to come along.

Oh, Rabbit! You're not getting away this time, Cheshire Cat. I brought the one thing that stops all cats dead in their tracks and puts them forever under a spell. A ball of yarn.

Don't be silly! You can't catch me with a pole! It worked! It actually worked! Oh, Seven is going to be so proud of me! All right, pull it together!

Let's get her back to the Queen!

13. You did it! You got the Cheshire Cat! You came from the Your confidence undenied it. It was very helpful, and I could not but think of you the whole time. Thank you. I'm so proud of you. Attention everyone, your presence is requested in the royal garden for the finale of the spectacle of song. The Cheshire Cat will also be presented for her punishment. Follow me.

Halt! Before we go anywhere, there is something I must say. Margaret Chesterfield, you are simply the most intelligent, beautiful, wonderful creature in all of Wonderland, and I would like to invite you to a cup of tea where we can get to know each other.

Well, Mr. Hatter, that's a very flattering offer, but I just—

Don't talk, just listen. Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my greasy smile? Am I too dirty? Am I too dirty? Do you like what I like? You're really awesome. I could be wholesome. I could be a little bit shy. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me without making me try? I try to be like Bill Cosby. That's burning down. I thought that antidote was bad. So much like Nancy Pelosi. Now I'm identity mad. I can be brown, I can be blue, I can be violet sky, just like the turtle. I can be purple, I can be anything you like. I'm like the queen, never be mean. I can be everything. Oh, why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Walk out the door.

Please don't be cross, but it's just that —how can I help it?

How can I know? How can I know how you feel? Why can't you see? Why can't you see I'm putting my life on the brink? Why can't you like me? Why don't you like me? Why don't you like yourself? Should I let go? Or should I let go but just be further on your shelf? I try to be just like this guy. Here we go. I'm stressed, it's sad. I'm stressed, it's sad.

So I thought I'd try to comply.

I love when they're like this. What everybody has said you should want. You're wrong.

Who am I? I can be brown, I can be blue, I can be violet sky, just like the turtle. I can be purple like I am.

<LYRICS>Oh, but if we'd never be mean, I could be everything more.

I really like you, I really like you.

Open the door. I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be white as the sky. I could be purple, I could be any color. But if we'd never be mean, I could be everything more.

I really like you, I really like you. Open the door.</LYRICS> Hatter, just one more thing. How exactly is the turtle purple?

Oh, he isn't. Except that he is.

Of course, perfectly illogical.

That was fabulous. It appears that Alice's sister has some promise after all. And Hatter, this is a fair deal. Show, so if you would please pull your trousers off.

Strangely, the longer I'm in Wonderland, the more I like it and the more entertaining it becomes. Oh, Muffet, we're just getting started.

First, I will introduce you to the Shrews, after which I will teach you to dance the flutterwacken. Oh, and then we can meet the Dormouse, the March Hare, the Cat Villain.

Oh, I could go on all day. A wonderful Now if you all follow me, we need to get back to the gun. Welcome everyone to the spectacle of song. The Queen and I have come to terms— of a sort. Now as you all know, the White Rabbit grew far too large for its current jaw capacity. It needed to be dealt with. After some long thought and deliberation, we have decided to keep you on as my royal messenger.

It's not one side.

Now bring the Cheshire Cat forward. As for you, it appears that not only were you solely responsible for the White Rabbit's size discrepancy, but you also dishonored your Queen by locking her up with Alice. This is certainly worthy the other be heading. However, I have chosen to vote— 7. She forgives you. Yes, yes, yes. Do you have anything to say for yourself? Well, everyone knows you can't trust a feline. All the same, you're a good boy. Now, not again. Come on. I should actually thank you. Oh, goodness. You see, Alice and Seven have helped me find my true talent, and I can't wait to show you. You did it! Oh, Your Majesty, I'm so proud of you. May I have a moment with my sisters, please? Fine. The rest of you gather around. I've made some changes to the finale, and I must explain them to you, or you'll mess it up. Wow, Margaret, look at you! Oh, how you've changed! Oh, I guess Wonderland does that to you. Alice, I finally understand why it was so hard for you to explain this place. It is logically illogical, but it has opened my mind to new perspectives. It is so wonderful. Oh yes, and you will never look at the real world the same again. No, I will not. But Alice, we're dreaming, aren't we? Yes, I suppose we are. But let's not worry about that for now. Let's go have some fun singing and dancing.

Here is one last— Places everyone, places! The cast will all be stationed in the rear for greetings as you leave. Thank you for coming.