Harmonyx Cabaret 2014 Fri 800 partial

A live cabaret performance that jumps between parody songs, absurdist sketches, and pop culture riffs. A performer keeps asking whether he's a man or a Klingon. The show includes a protest chant and a mock quest for a glass slipper, with constant audience interaction and no plot to speak of.
Chapters
Some nights I wish that my lips would build a castle. Some nights I wish they'd just fall off. But I still wake up, I still see your ghost. Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What do I stand for? What do I stand for most nights? I don't know anymore. Whoa, whoa. whoa, whoa, whoa. What in the heck does this song have to do with this scene anyway? Who wrote this thing? I wrote it. Dawn insisted that we sing this song. I have no idea where else to put it. Thanks for Killing My Dreams of the best original script, Oscar, Nicole. Personally, I thought it sounded fantastic. No, we cannot. No, we need to get back to this scene. This is a pivotal moment, climax in this thing, right? Okay, so, um, Leia, you wanted the Death Star. Life has no color, food has no taste, right? Okay. And slow. No! It's you! Yes, it is me. You got it! It's beautiful. It is very lovely, yes. Would you like to touch it? One finger only, please. Okay, all 10 is fine. You can smell it, eh? Yes. Oh, it's incredible. Yes, I love that new collectible smell. Oh, it is very nice. I am so sorry you did not get it. Thanks. May I buy you a Slurpee instead? That's not appropriate. Marcelo, staring at your buns all day has made me really hungry. Can we go to the Cinnabon? Okay, goodbye. Come on, Annie, you'll make us late if we don't. No, no, I don't want to leave. Can I clap one more time? I want to leave! My buns hair, please! No, it's not too bad. I mean, this is— I'm fine. But what has happened between you and the commander? Did he do something to hurt you? I will rip his arms off! Oh, uh, no, that's a really nice offer, but I think I'm the one that hurt him. I honestly I honestly think he had no idea that Kevin and I had been dating for 2 years. I mean, 2 years! How oblivious can you get? Well, the Commander tends to be quite oblivious to most things. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Kevin? Kevin Reynolds? Didn't he smell like soy sauce? What about me? I speak Klingon. Do we have nothing together? Kevin! 2 years! I thought you two were my best friends! Give me your phaser! Right now! Come on! Phaser's set to kill! I'm so angry with you! Get away from me, furry creature! I reflect on my reflection, and I ask myself a question. What's the right direction for one to go? I don't know. Am I a man, or am I a Klingon? A Klingon? If I'm a Klingon, then I'm a very manly Klingon. Maybe mildly manly? Am I a Klingon loser, or am I a man? Who's saying that? If I'm a man, that makes me a Klingon of a man. Yeah, maybe a clingy man. I heard that. I look into these eyes. And I don't recognize the one I see inside. It's time for me to decide. Am I a man, or am I a Klingon? 4 front rowers in that breath. If I'm a Klingon, then I'm a very manly Klingon. Just keep on dreaming. Am Am I a Klingon? Or am I a man? Probably lives with his mom, right? Stop that! If I'm a man, that makes me a Klingon of a man. Yeah. There I go again, I'm always running out of time. I think I've made up my mind. Now I understand what you are. I'm a man, you're a nerd. I'm a Klingon of a man, you're a very nerdy nerd. I'm a Klingon of a man. Oh, I'm going to I hear you back there. Where did he go? No, I see you over there. I will find you. Barak nas nubra! How dare you insult my mother! Computer lights! Oh, it worked! There you are! Oh, oh, actually, computer lights off. Amazing. Commander, what do you— what have you had there? That's sick even for a Klingon. It's mine. Seriously, dude, it's for a shoe. Actually, it's Cinderella's glass slipper. I'm going to find her and finish the fairy tale. I'll help you as long as you promise to stop sniffing the thing. Okay. I can do this. My heart will be silent no longer. I must speak to this gentle creature. Hello, gentle and noble creature. I am Snow White. I am very pleased to meet you. In English. Say something. Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one if you want me to. Anywhere I would have followed you. Doesn't get any shorter than that. Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I have been feeling so small. It was over my head. I know nothing at all. Stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love. Just starting to crawl. Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere that I would have followed you. I hope that hurt. Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I will swallow my pride. You're the one that she loved, that she's saying goodbye. Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would have followed you. Oh, oh, oh. Say something, I'm giving up on you. Say something, I'm giving up on you. Say something. My dear, sweet princess, I have loved thee since I first saw thee. Your voice is like an angel, and your heart is soft and warm. It would be my pleasure to take you to dinner. May I pick you up at your cottage on Friday at 7? Oh, hilarious. Oh, here's her number. Call her. Thank you. Good night, princess. Uh, I really think you should have this. I admire your passion and, well, I think you deserve this. Oh no, really? I couldn't. Thank you so much. It's yours. Really? I'm sure. Yes, lawyer? I'm so sad and happy at the same time. It's all right. Joy, Kirstie! You are wonderful! I'd gladly jump in a vat of carbonite with you. I know. Let's go back to my place. We can reenact the scene where you save me from Joba's palace. I would love that. Can I just say something crazy? I love crazy. All my life has been a series of doors in my face. And then suddenly I bump into you. I was thinking the same thing, because like, I've been searching my whole life to find my own place, and maybe it's your buns talking. You want to call me? I see your face, and it's nothing like I've ever known before. Love is an open door. Love is an open door. An open door. Love is an open door with you. With you. With you. With you. Love is an open door. You know what's crazy? What? We finish each other's sandwiches. Hey, that's what I was going to say. I've never met someone who thinks so much like me. Cheeks. Cheeks again. A mental synchronization. Can have but one explanation. You and I were just meant to be. Say goodbye, say goodbye to the pain of the past. We don't have to feel it anymore. Love is an open door. Love is an open door. Life can be so much more. Leah, can I say something crazy? Would you marry me? Can I say something even crazier? Yes! Okay, that's just great. Just great. I'm the one that came here looking for a hot guy, and my two best friends leave with them. You know, this would not have happened to Wonder Woman. Princess, I found something, and I believe it Belongs to you. You think? Yeah. Now, how do you put it back on? Whatever. Nice ankles. Don't touch my ankles. So I was wondering if, uh, you maybe wanted to come back to my place for a drink. Did you say a drink? Yeah, I did. I've been waiting for a drink all day. Yeah, our drinks. Let's go. Come on. My mom makes these incredible milkshakes and killer chocolate chip cookies. You live with your mom? You live with your mom? She's not exactly my mom. See, she's my dad's fourth wife, so technically she's my stepmom. Oh, Cinderella does not do stepmoms. I really need that drink. Every time. Oh, it's you. Well, you should be. Did you even think about me when you planned this? My pocket? This thing has pockets? Oh, dinner reservations, tickets to Cirque du Soleil. This was your plan all along, wasn't it? Oh honey, I feel So ridiculous. I've been walking around all day like a crazy person. I mean, I was crying and there was, you know, it was like ugly crying. Well, that's very nice of you to say, but I feel completely ridiculous. Oh, when did you learn to dance? Honey, what we have is real. Isn't it? I mean, people wait their whole lives for something like this. Ah! We are in public! Commander, what has happened? Security team, to the lobby! Hey, I went outside to get some fresh air. And some teenagers pelting me with water balloons! Oh, I thought that was just a lovely spring shower! Let me out! Let me out! I'm not getting up! Look right here, look right here. It's okay, I gotcha. It's okay. We've been through this before. I haven't. That's right. You see Cinderella here? She protected Snow and I in high school in exchange for our tutoring. Well, my tutoring. Snow just brought the apple pies. She protects us from the bullies. But the rest of us, we've all been targets, whether it's been in junior high or high school. College. Ooh, really, Vic? Just the first 4 years. Doesn't matter. At any age, it's hard to be a nerd. That's right, but we're not afraid to do it. We all have our sad stories. My Rainbow Brite crapper keeper? My My Little Pony hair bows? My Pokémon card club in high school? Hey, what have we got to be ashamed of? We're just like everybody else, aren't we? Well, we are. Dry your eyes, my friend. Today is our day. You know? You know, sister? For a crazy person, you kind of make a lot of sense there. No, we ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it. Animals! We've got the right to choose, and we've no time to lose. This is our life, this is our song. We'll fight the powers that be, just don't pick our destiny, 'cause You don't know us, you don't belong. We're not gonna take it. No, we ain't gonna take it. Yeah, we're not gonna take it anymore. Oh, you're so condescending. You, your gall is never-ending. We don't want nothing, not a thing from you. Tell her. Your life is trite and jaded, boring and confiscated. If that's your best, your best. We're right! Yeah! We're free! Yeah! We'll fight! Yeah! You'll see! Yeah! We're not gonna take it! Do you want me to shoot you? No! We ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore! We're not gonna take it! No! We ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore. We're not gonna take it. Come on! No, we ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it anymore. Thanks for a great day, everyone! I didn't mean you two. Thanks, honey. I had a really good day. Mostly a really good day. It has definitely been one of the best days. Terminator, Han, no, no, no. You need to help work on that Envoy. I know what will help. We'll watch Star Wars Episode 4. Star Wars marathon. Yes, we can cuddle with our baby. He has your eyes. Hey dude, you want to go back to your mom's place and play some video games? Milkshakes and chocolate chip cookies? It would be an honor. Oh, I found my drink. My homies! I love you! And I love you! And I love you! And I love you! I love you all! Oh, yes, dear. God bless us, everyone. That's not at all what he said. Said, and I ain't repeating what he just said. Right on. Let's just sing the last song, shall we? I love this song. When life leaves you high and dry, I'll be at your door tonight. You need help? If you need help, I'll shut down the city lights. I'll light you I'll beg and bribe to make you well, to make you well. When enemies are at your door, I'll carry you away from war. If you need help, if you need help, you're holding with highest strength, I'll share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well. Give me reasons to believe that you would do Do the same for me, and I will do it for you, for you. Baby, I'm not moving on, I'll love you long after you're gone. For you, for you, you will never sleep alone. I'll love you long after you go, and long after you're gone, gone, gone. When you fall, I'm gonna be there to put you on your feet, you on your feet. And if your mouth is empty, not a thing in perspective, tell me what you need. What do you need? I surrender honestly. You've always done the same for me. And I will do it for you. For you. Sing, honey, sing. He's really good. I stand. You're my rush when my legs stop moving. You're my head start. You're my rugged heart. You're the pulse that is always beating like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you, for you. Baby, I'm not moving on. I love you long after you're gone. For you, for you, you will never sleep alone. I love you long after you go. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. Enjoy tonight's show. If you want to come and get your picture taken like Comic-Con, feel free to come and— watch out, Chewie bites! He bites so much.










