Herriman Harmonyx Valentines Cabaret 2017 6 and 8 combined version

The brave and sure, but passengers and sail update, but we out went to water, but we out went to water. The tiny ship was lost, if not for the currents of the bay, the little boat would be lost, the little boat would be lost. The ship set down on the shore of this uncharted desert island, and we learned to listen for tunes. Newton's apple! What is it, Professor? Is there anything I can do to help?

Well, Skipper, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. Which would you like first?

Oh, tell me the good news, Professor.

Well, I am so close to completing my latest scientific experiment. If my calculations are correct, I am just 2 elements away from creating cold fusion.

Cold fusion? What's that, Professor?

Well, Skipper, cold fusion is a way to create energy on this island to make life more comfortable. It'll generate light, heat, refrigeration, and if we can find some minerals and forge them into retrograded parts, we could repair the S.S. Minnow's engines and have enough power to get us all home.

Excuse me, Professor, you lost me at retrograded. Could you repeat that? Gilligan! Don't interrupt the professor when he's saying smart things. Boy, Professor, you sure are amazing. But what's the bad news?

Well, the bad news, Skipper, is I don't have those two missing elements.

That is bad news.

But I have some more news, Skipper. I've identified two species of tropical flower that exist on this island that may contain the elements.

That's excellent, Professor. I don't know what we would do without you.

Probably die.

I am the very model of a modern intellectual.

I'm information-based. Vegetable, animal, and mineral. I know the works of Archimedes, other docs historical. From Newton, Einstein, Hawking, all in order categorical. I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical. I understand equations both the simple and quadratical. About binomial theorem, I am teeming with a lot of news.

News, news.

I wonder what news is coming out in this month's edition of Scientific American. I hope I get home before my subscription runs out. With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. I'm very good with integral and differential calculus.

I know the scientific names of beings animaculous. But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern intellectual.

But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, he is the very model of a modern intellectual.

Now pay attention. I know the mythic history of the Big Bang and Cro-Magnon. I answer harder crosswords. I have a pretty taste for paradox. I quoted elegiacs on the crimes of Heliogabalus. In conics, I can floor peculiarities. Perpetualities, perilous. I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dozens of these. I know the croaking chorus from the frogs of Aristophanes, and I can cite the number of Iron Man John Weirs, many scores. I'm proficient in themes on Jaws, E.T., Jurassic Park, Imperial March, Raiders March, and Star Wars. And while we're on the thing subject, I am fluent in Wookiee.

Thank you. I may recite every line of Master Yoda's wisdom prose.

I may recite every line of Master Yoda's wisdom prose.

I may recite every line of Master Yoda's wisdom prose.

But still in matter's vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern intellectual.

But still in matter's vegetable, animal, and mineral, he is the very model of a modern intellectual.

But still in matter's vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model—

A water intellectual. Now, Skipper, I'm going to need your help.

I have made a sketch of this flower that exists on the island. If you will take this and scour the west side of the island for it, I will finish up here, and then I will scour the east side.

Hey, I want to help too, Professor!

Oh, excellent! Two sets of eyes are better than one.

Well, if it's trouble you're looking for, Professor, Gilligan's eyes are 20/20. Come on, Skipper, I really want to help. Okay, but you gotta do what I say, little buddy, and no messing it up. Aye-aye, Skipper. All right, let's go, little buddy. Okay.

You know, Mr. and Mrs. Howell, we could certainly use some help with the laundry.

I'm sorry, we are doing our best to keep up the classes in civilization. Why, if we were to start doing domestic chores, the whole social structure of this island would fall to savage ruin.

Savage ruin!

You know what that means.

Oh, goody, sportswear!

Cheer up, Ginger, you've got Marianne to help you. Oh, and Marianne, don't forget the starch on my dress shirts.

Marianne, how do you let them walk all over you like that? Oh, it's all right. I don't mind the work. And when are you going to tell him how you feel about him? Mr. Howell? No, silly, the professor. Everyone knows you're in love with him. Not everyone. See, watch. Oh, wait, Marianne. Do the walk I showed you, remember? Give him the eyes too. He loves it. I'll try. Oh, Professor, I made you a coconut cream pie this morning.

Uh, yes, Marianne, just set it there.

See what I mean? Here I am, one of two eligible women on a deserted island, and he doesn't even know I exist. Oh, you're hopeless. Guess mine's not the first heart broken. My eyes I'm not the first to cry. I'm not the first to know there's just no getting over you.

Ah, Marianne, could you get me that flour?

I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you. Professor, can't you see? There's nothing else for me to do. I'm hopelessly devoted to you. But now there's nowhere to hide. Since you pushed my love aside, I'm out of my head. Hopelessly devoted to you. hold on to you, and that's what I intend to do.

I'm hopelessly devoted to you.

Thank you. But now there's nowhere to hide since you pushed my love aside. I'm out of my head. Hope is in the blood and to you. Hope is in the blood and to you. Hope is in the blood and to you.

Mary Ann, you found my lab coat. I've been looking for that.

Here you go, Professor.

Thank you. Oh, Mary Ann—

Are you sure you don't want me to wash it for you, Professor?

Why, sure.

Thank you.

Okay. Oh, Professor, you forgot your pie! Will that work? Oh good, they finally all gone.

Come along, lovey.

Thurston, darling, where are we going? Why can't anyone know?

Well, because, darling, we need to check the new hiding spot where we buried our money. If anyone else knows about it, then it won't be safe.

But Thurston, why do we need money? We live on a deserted island.

Well, didn't you hear the professor? His new invention could get us off this island, back to our life of luxury.

I love luxury.

Yes, and you can't have a life of luxury if you don't have money.

Money makes the world go around. The world go around. The world go around. Money makes the world go around. And so we do a core of being poor.

If you happen to be rich and you feel like a night's entertainment.

You can pay for a grand escapade.

If you happen to be rich and alone and you need a companion. You can ring ting a lingerie for the maid.

If you happen to be rich and you find that your vacation's cancelled and you moan and you grown for the life.

You can take it on a chin color car and begin to recover. And a 14 karat yacht hat. Money makes the world go around. The world go round. The world go around. Money makes the world go around. And so we can't endure with being poor. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

When you haven't any room in your backpack pocket Cuz your wal with a brim full of cash.

When you can't decide what diamonds to wear and the help who does your hair has canceled because of Cher.

When you go to check your stocks and you find that you just made a million and you're sad that you're not making more.

Can you find a CPA who can hide wealth from Uncle Sam? Knock knock.

Who's there?

The tax man!

Whoa!

Lovie, are you trying to give me a heart attack?

Sorry, dearest, Your money flies out the door. Money makes the world go around the world go around the world go around Money makes the go around that clinking, clanking sound Money. A mark or a yen or a buck or a pound A clinking, clinking, clunking sound Is all that breaks the world go round it makes the world go round it makes the world go round Oh gee, I'm sorry, Ginger. I can finish up the rest. So how did it go with the professor? Did you tell him you're madly in love with him? No, I can't. I just don't have your confidence and charisma. Maybe you should just go after him. Oh, honey. If I wanted him, he would have been mine already. I mean, I had the pick of every leading man back in Hollywood. But I don't go out with just anyone. Don't get me wrong, Marianne, the professor, he's handsome, isn't he? Very intelligent. But you know, if a man doesn't set off my bells and whistles, well then, I'm just not interested.

Ginger! What?

Where are you?

What is that? I think it's a man. I think it's an animal. What's that smell?

What?

It's speaking.

They look like people. Those can't be real.

Of course they're real. What is he talking about? Are you kidding me?

I've been on this island for years alone. Yes, the log for years.

Ginger, let's not get too close. I don't know, I'm kind of curious, Marianne. How can I know if she's real?

I'll touch her. Ginger! What was that?

Did you hear that? What are you talking about, Ginger? I didn't hear anything. What did you do with her?

Me? I just— Have you seen my friend?

No, there's two of them. Oh, don't worry, Marianne, if things don't work out with the professor, you can have the other one. This one's mine. Hello.

I lost sight of him when he flew high in the sky, but I think he's in this area.

Did you hear that, Marianne? They have a plane! We can finally get off this island!

My buddy and I are getting off this island as soon as I gather some supplies. We are out of here, Butterfly!

You're like out of his mind. You don't believe this guy, do you, Ginger? He seems a little deranged. He's dangerous. Come with me. We should go tell the others he's on the island. No, Marianne. My instincts are telling me there's something There's something very different about this one. I'll see. You go tell the others. Take the shortcut through the jungle. I'll be along shortly, I promise. Look at him. He's harmless. Okay, if you're sure, but don't be too long or I'm coming back for you. Professor and Skipper. Hi. My name is— My name's Ginger. What's your name, handsome?

It will be dark soon. I will gather kindling and make a mighty fire! Okay. Here's a pile now. The time for hesitate is through. No time to wallow in the mire. Try now, we can only lose. 'Cause girl, we— Couldn't get much higher. Come on, baby, light my fire. There we go, there we go. It's a signal fire for my friend. Hold me to your shower. Go, fireflies, go! You're free, you're free! Yeah! Yes! Look what I have created! I have made fire! I have made fire!

Oh, well, you certainly light my fire. What do you say we go for a walk on the beach?

Coconut!

You are a hard nut to crack. What's it gonna take to get your attention? I got bread. No reason, it just seems so pleasant. Gonna make you, make you, make you notice. Gonna use my arm, gonna use my legs. Gonna use my stance, gonna use my substance. Gonna use my fingers, gonna use my, my, my imagination. Walk as I am, gonna make you see. There's nobody else here, no one like me. I'm special, special, so special, special. I gotta have some of your attention into me. Oh, please tell me your name.

I'm, uh, oh, I'm Oh, what is that?

Well, Tom, don't go anywhere. I'm gonna be right back with my things, and then it's bon voyage for me and my Tom.

Ah-ha! There you are, Wilson! Boy, you really got served up in the air that time. How was your landing? Uh-huh. You're the best! Ooh, you make me live. Whatever this world could give to me. It's you, you're all I see. Ooh, you make me live. Now Wilson, ooh, you make me live. Hey, let's throw a vampire in here, huh? Thanks. I need some help. He needs some love.

Could you help me?

Come on up. Don't worry, he doesn't bite. All right, how about a little encouragement? We're trying to make Wilson feel really good about himself, okay?

So do what you can, okay?

Is this seat taken? Thank you. What else at tables? Turn to the person next to you. Grab their hand. Look lovingly into their eyes.

And let them feel your love.

Ooh, you make me live. This world to me, you, you're all I see. Are you doing anything up there? He misses you. Well, he needs some something from you, so maybe some dancing or something. Don't worry about— Ooh, you make me live. Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time. You're my sunshine, and I want you to know that my feelings are true. I really love you. You're my best friend. Thank you very much.

2, 3, 10!

Ooh, you make me live. Ooh, you're my best friend. Wilson. Wilson. Wilson! Wilson!

Wha—

Oh! Oh, there you are! I would never have thought to look there. dear. Excuse me, Strange man. How is that you came to be here?

Warrior one.

Warrior two.

Warrior three. I helped my friend Wilson land here.

And now Wilson's checking on the net. And when Wilson is ready, we are leaving this island.

Did you hear that, Bobby? Excuse me, strange man, how is it you came to be here?

Warrior 1, Warrior 2, Warrior 3. I helped my friend Wilson land here, and now Wilson's checking on the net, and when Wilson is ready, we are leaving this island.

Did you hear that, Rob Bagley? They have a plane.

A plane?

It must be one of those 4-seater fishing seaplanes with all the talk about nets.

Oh, goody.

I say, fine young fellow, I will make it worth your while if my wife and I can come along with you and your pilot friend. Watson, was it?

Wilson!

Ah, yes, yes, that's right, Wilson. Fine, fine name. So do we have an agreement? You and your friend will take us off this island?

The redhead lady who walks funny and her friend, they want off this island too.

Ginger and Mary Ann got here first.

Oh, those hussies.

No matter, we in Hollywood always get what we want. We are getting the seats on that plane.

But how, dear?

With our money, dear. People always do what we want once they see the green.

Well, that's true.

Young man, don't you go anywhere. We'll be right back.

Money makes the world go round, the world go round, the world go round.

Wilson makes the world go round.

Whoa! Oh my stars! More strangers. Hello, my name is Marianne. Who are you? I am Philippus, and this is my sister Hippolyte. Our Amazon warship was raiding islands up and down the Pacific when we caught a mighty storm. Cursed Poseidon! Sadly, only the two of us survived and washed upon this shore. Now tell me, skinny, puny female, where is your village? Or do you belong to a sisterhood tribe? Sisterhood tribe? I'm not sure I understand. Let us explain. This will do. We belong to the mighty Amazon sisterhood! Ah! There is none better! Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters. Never had to have a chaperone, no sir. I'm here to keep my eye on her. Caring, sharing, every little thing that we are wearing. When a certain army attacked from Rome, she wore the armor and I stayed home. All kinds of weather, we stick together the same in the rain or sun. Two different maces, but in tight places we pillage and raid as one. Philippus, what is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the men. Those who didn't see us ran in fear and wailed and cried and begged us, please don't use our men, and then just kill them when you're through. But we do it for Emma. Zeus, help the mis-mister who comes between me and my sister. And Zeus, help the sister who comes between me and my man. So let me get this straight. You're Amazons and you enslave men to build your race and then you kill them? That is correct. We will teach and train you in our ways and in time you will be a strong Amazon warrior. And for an extra $10.99 a month, we can upgrade you to Amazon Prime. But first, bring us your men. We know they are here. Smell them. Bring them along with your other sisters from the village, and together we can fill this island with a new Amazon race. Now go! I've got to warn the others. Our poor men. The professor.

Killigan, you nincompoop! The professor said to look for the flowers on the west side of the island. But this is the map of the east side of the island.

Skipper! Skipper! Behind you!

Gilligan, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into. Me? I didn't tie us up. Those muscly women did. What do you think they'll do to us? They're probably cannibals. No, remember, Skipper, the professor said when we shipwrecked on this island that there were no cannibals. Well, thank you very much, kill again while I'm being cooked up as the main course, I'll take so much comfort in knowing that the professor was wrong. Why are you gonna be the main course? Oh, kill again! If you wanna make it out of this alive, you've gotta do what I say. Okay. Look down, look down, don't look 'em in the eye. Look down, look down, we're here until we die.

Skipper.

I just don't see it that way. Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle! And this'll help things turn out for the best. And always look on the bright side of life. Gilligan, don't you grasp what's happening here? This is serious! Always look on the right side of life. Hey, Skipper, give it a try. Look down, look down, don't look them in the eye. How long, how long before they let us die? If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and that's to laugh And smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, don't be like Donald Trump. Hoot and whistle, that's the thing. Skipper, always look on the bright side of life. Hold still. Okay, Skipper, try it. Really. Down, look down. There's no hope left to save. Look down, look down. We're standing on our grave. Well, that's just depressing. Try whistling something happy. Like this.

Kill again.

This is quite absurd, and death's the final word. Then you must face the curtain with a bow. So forget what I am in. Give the enemy a grin? Yes! Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow. Okay, little buddy, I'll give it a try. Always look on the bright side of life. That's it, Skipper! Always look on the bright side of life. Always look on the bright side of life. Side of life. Side of life. Aye, aye, Skipper! At ease, little buddy.

The house!

Hey, could you help us out?

Oh, you poor boy, what's wrong?

We're tied up by these cannibals.

Oh, you must be so thirsty. It sounds so scary. Here, you know I'm a dreamer, folks. You're gonna have to catch it. Don't let it touch your tongue, it's 90-proof. Okay, let's do that scene in that movie Flashdance when the girl pulls the rope and all the gin comes down on her head.

We'll explain later, just help us out of these ropes. Wait, where are you going?

Yes, if we untie them, they might run into you-know-who and took our seats on the train. Once we're squared away, we'll send someone back to find them. Dreadfully sorry, old boys, but we have a very tight schedule to maintain. We'll send someone along shortly.

Toodle-oo!

Wait, where are you going? This is hell! If we get out of this alive, I'm going to ring that Thurston Howell III— Skipper! The ropes! They're dissolving! What? So is my sternum! What did Mrs. Halwood put in her drink? Never mind. Gilligan, with all your strength, push against the ropes! Okay. Oh, we're free! We've got to warn the others, Gilligan! Okay, all right.

The slaves have escaped. They show cunningness and strength. They will make a fine breed. Oh, look! I told Sister it's a map, but it appears they're heading for the area opposite here. We don't need a map. We're among the finest trackers among our sisters. This way to pillage! Hrrr! Oh my goodness, Professor! Yes? Where do I begin? First of all, Ginger and I ran into this crazy man in And of course Ginger's infatuated with him, and she thinks he's gonna rescue her off the island. And then I ran into these—

Professor! Professor! Professor! Professor! Oh God, there are cannibals on the island! We were tied up! We need to arm ourselves! The cannibals? Really big women, big thighs, big arms! They're gonna kill us!

Amazons, and they mean to do harm to all of them.

Wait, wait, I mean they only eat men?

Stop right there, you D-list Hollywood troll! You think you can use your Jezebel charms to swindle us? Well, unpack those bags, girly, because we are taking those two seats on Wickham's plane.

Ginger, you aren't really leaving us, are you? I can't help it, I'm crazy about Tom.

Gipper, stop wringing his neck. Okay, there must be a logical reason as to why you're all behaving this way. I deduce that you have all contracted a virus that is inducing a group hallucination from the west side of the island. I was on the east side of the island and I am clearly not hallucinating. Oh, Darwin, I've got the hallucination too. Boy, that's a real hallucination. Oh, I stand corrected, they're real.

Men, line up over there. Women, gather over here now.

Okay, let's do what they say. Everybody line up.

It'll be all right.

Ginger, this way.

Mary Ann, Mary Ann.

Mrs. Potter, put the drink away, please.

Is that right? Kill it, kill it! Fine, fine, okay.

Mr. Howell, if you'll stand— No, Mr. Howell, your money's not going to save you from this situation.

Back in line.

You stand here. Very good. You stand next to him, and I'll stand next to you.

Who are you? I can never remember this part.

Oh, it's Tom. Hi, Tom. You're never talking. You listen to us now. We will train you weak, pathetic women into Amazonian warriors, but first we must each choose a man-slave for our own. When the slave's usefulness is no longer needed, they will die honorably knowing that they helped build this next Amazonian tribe of sisters.

Hurrarrr!

You, mother of strong drink, choose your man-slave and begin the Amazonian revolution. Ritual.

Okay, Mrs. You don't need to do this.

I'll choose.

I'll choose.

I'll—

I pick.

Let's give her permission to come aboard. Isn't this fun, girls? Girl power!

Wrong choice, meat sipper.

This skipper is mine. Oh yeah, and this— What do they call you?

Please don't eat me.

This please don't eat me belongs to me. 3 left to choose from.

Hey, don't forget about Willy.

Wilson.

He makes 4. What's that, Wilson?

Yes.

Okay, I'll tell it. Wilson would like it to be known that he's a great listener, well-rounded, loves long volleys on the beach, and always bounces back whenever life gives him a hard bump. Take it from me, Wilson's quite the catch.

Hello, Wilson! Court much? He's a volleyball! Silence! It has been decided that this village idiot has undesirable traits. He must die!

Save yourself, Wilson! No, wait! Wilson! I'm sorry! Wilson!

I can't! Prepare to die, man with puny brain!

Wait a minute, I'd hate to get anything on my nice shirt.

The longer you take, the more I want to kill you, you know.

Well then, let's just break down a little bit.

Can it be?

It is!

Tom, Tom!

Firsten Thomas, hold the fort! Where have you been?

It really is you! The Howe family crest birthmark proves it!

Yes, a trait passed on from your great-great-grandfather every other generation. Son!

Father! Mumsy! Oh, I have longed for this day! I have been tortured for years Wanting to ask a question.

What is it, son?

What the heck happened here?

Another rather unfortunate trait passed on from your great-great-grandfather.

Your father and I booked the SS Minnow on the hunch that you were somewhere in the Pacific, but then we ended up here shipwrecked.

Tell us, son, what happened to you?

I look to the sea. Reflections on the waves spark my memories. Some happy, some sad. Thought of childhood friends and the dreams we had. We lived happily forever, so the story goes. But somehow we missed out on the pot of gold. But we'll We'll try the best that we can to carry on. Then suddenly, a bright light and a chorus of voices gathering of angels appeared above my head.

They sang to me this song of hope. This is what they said.

They said, come sit Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me. Live in the moment.

Love now.

It repeats. I thought that they were angels. But to my surprise, I'm aboard their starship headed for the sky. Sing it! Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.

Land!

Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.

Top!

Come sail away, come sail away, Babe, come sail away with me. Babe, come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.

That concludes the first half of our performance tonight. Now there will be a brief intermission during which you receive refreshments. There are restrooms to the rear, and for the men, there's a parking lot.

Thank you.

Commercial breaks brought to you by our sponsor, Sunshine Laundry Detergent. Nothing beats those stains out like the power of the sun. Sunshine Laundry Detergent, that is. And to tell you more about it, here is the cast of Gilligan's Island singing the Sunshine Laundry Detergent 1, 2, 1.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, my worries are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. The power of the sun in every Wash with power of the sun, the power. You are the sunshine of my life. That's why I'll always be around. You are the apple of my eye. Forever you'll stay on my shelf. On my shelf, on my shelf.

Ooh, Sunny, thank you for the anti-staining clean. Ah, Sunny, thank you for the fresh scent that you bring.

All the dark stains are gone and the bright whites are here. We're paid to say this. But we're sincere, Sunny, once so true.

I love this new convenient travel size for stains on the go.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, my whites are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.

I love you.

I do. Comes in pot size too.

Packed with the power of the sun! Your story of adventure entertained us much. Therefore, we have decided that you will be useful as village fool and target practice for our future children. You will live for now. Over there, fool! And as for you, future Amazons, until we gain your trust and allegiance, you will remain with your hands tied. We will break your resolve if you refuse to accept our ways. You tell them, sister. I just did. I was just trying to, like, hype you up. Philippus, show these weak women how we treat our slaves. Come here, slave. Gilgamesh, don't give in. Go on, Philippus. Come here now, slave, and I promise I won't hurt you.

Gilgamesh, stand up to her. We're all behind you.

I think he's so cute. I think he's so sweet. How you let your friends encourage you to try and talk to me. I'll stop you there before you speak. Not to the odds of it, no, no, no. My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. I'm gonna let it go. Need to let it go, need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no. First you gonna say you ain't running game, think you not believe in every word. Slaving till I died, so original. I'm so good, I was in my zone before you came along. Now I'm thinking maybe you should go, blah, blah, blah. I be like nah to the ah to the no, no, no. All my brothers listen up, even that girl ain't giving up. Lick your lips and swing your hips and all you gotta see is my name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go, you need to let it go. You need to let it go, no, no, no. My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go, you need to let it go. You need to let it go, no, no, no. Thank you in advance. I don't wanna dance, I don't need your hands all over me. If I want a girl, then I'm gonna get a girl, but it's never my priority. I was in my zone before you came along, don't want you to take this personal. Love, love, love. No, no, no. All my brothers listen up, if that girl ain't giving up, well, lick your lips and swing your hips, then all you gotta say is— My name is no Maasai. No, you need to let it go. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. No, no, no. My name is no Maasai. No, no, no.

You need to let it go.

You need to let it go. No, no, no. I'm feeling no untouchable. Untouchable. I'm feeling no untouchable. Untouchable. Untouchable.

No, no, no.

I'm feeling no. Untouchable, untouchable, untouchable. No, no, no.

You don't scare us. We like them feisty. Come on, get him, Mary! Oh, Hades, what is that? Belle! Tristan's underwear.

No!

They have the upper hand.

What are we gonna do?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. You threatened my man. Be prepared for me to open a can of— Ginger ale!

No!

We can't! We have to teach them about the power of love. No!

Not love!

It's against our religion! Well, I know you two don't know any better because you've only been taught your Amazon ways. You must have goodness deep down inside somewhere. No, no goodness. Besides, there's none to be found. That's right. We're going to teach you how to find it.

Uh-uh.

Oh, Marianne, do you think this is really going to work?

It has to.

The only chance our men have Don't you want someone to care about you?

What about love?

Oh, let's slip away. What about love? Don't you want someone to share it with you? You might need it someday. What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. Give yourself a round of applause. What's love got to do? Love is all you need. Give yourself a round of applause. It got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can't be broken? Don't you want a lasting love? Don't you need a love to fight for? Fight sounds good. We love to fight. It will bring a lot of sunshine into your life. He will be with you. Whatever it is that you ever want, more than you ever dreamed of. No one, no one can steal this love from you. He will be— Skipper! Loving me. Feeling good? Yes, Marie. Eternally hugging and squeezing and kissing and pleasing together. He will be and everlasting love. I feel— I feel different and happy. Thank you for showing us this thing called love, and we no longer want to harm your men. And we should live among you and learn your ways. Yes. Yeah. We will promise never to kill or pillage, so long as we get to give love and be loved. And if our terms are not met, then it's back to our Amazon ways. No, we're right back to where we started. Oh girls, girls, don't give up. We've broken new ground with the Amazons today. Why, if we castaways who come from different walks of life can live together in harmony on the island, I'm sure we can find a way to include the Amazons. Now it's been a very long day and I have a long-lost son to catch up with. So why don't you Amazons go rustling us up a nice juicy pig and we'll have a grand luau where Marianne and Ginger will do all the work. Look, all sides can agree on. That's a good idea, Mrs. Howell. I know. Oh my God, don't forget to clean it up. Good morning, Professor. Good night to you too, Marian.

Uh, quite an eventful day yesterday.

Yes, I hardly slept a wink. Some would say just another normal day here on Gilligan's Island. Professor, I've been meaning to tell you something. I wanted to tell you last night at the luau, but never got a chance with everyone around. Things are so different now. I'm different.

Oh yes, Marianne, so different that I doubt I'll ever have a chance at winning your affection now.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Marianne, I can't keep it inside any longer. Ever since the first day I saw you on the SS Minnow, I said to myself, now there's a girl I could cruise with for the rest of my days. But you obviously wanted nothing to do with me.

So I figured that if I could find a way to get us off of this island, surely I could win your attention.

So you've been after me this whole time?

Well, yes, I think I've been quite obvious. Well, yes, I've spent countless hours scouring the island for different flowers. I've been devising— I have ignored everything except for my work.

So let me get this straight. You thought you could get my attention by ignoring me?

Now you see it my way, yes.

You're impossible, Professor.

Okay, well, anyway, what were you gonna tell me?

Well, first of all, that while you may have a very high IQ, when it comes to women, you are clueless. And, well, second, I have feelings for you too.

Oh, Mary Ann, that's wonderful. You sure hid it well.

I hid it well.

Yes? Professor, I tickled your face with flour. And then you took it from me and ripped it into teeny tiny little pieces and put it into one of your potions.

Oh, well, I was making that for you.

Well, you never gave me that potion. And you never told me that any of those experiments were for me. You caught me wearing your lab coat. I was smelling it.

I didn't see that part, but—

Everyone on the island knows I have feelings for you. Wilson knows I have feelings for you, and he's a volleyball.

Marianne, technically he is a volleyball and can't—

Okay, Wilson knows.

But I meant what I said. Everything I've done has been to get you off of this island.

Baby, let's cruise away.

From here. Don't be confused, the way is clear. And if you want it, you got it forever. This is not a one-night stand, so Let the music take your mind. Just release and you will find you're gonna fly away. Glad you're going my way. I love it when we're cruising together. Music is made for love. Cruising is made for love. I love it when we're cruising together.

Baby, tonight belongs to us.

Oh, everything's right.

Do what you must.

And each by each, we get closer and closer to every little part of of each other. So let the music take your mind, just release and you will find you're going to fly away as you go my way. I love it when we're cruising together. Music is made for love, cruising is made for love. I love it when we're cruising together. You're gonna fly away, but you're going my way. I love it when we're cruising together. Music is played for love, cruising is made for love. I love it when When we're cruisin' together.

Professor.

Call me Roy.

Roy, do you think that Gilligan and Skipper will be happy agreeing to be part of the Amazon's peace treaty?

Marianne, for our sakes, I hope so.

There you two are. I should have known you would have gone off together alone. Oh, you're not dressed yet! Don't you know every young man should have a boutonnière and every girl should have something better than this to wear? Well, yeah, of course, Aunt Mary. Now clean this up. Let's get ready. Faces, everyone. The sacrifice is about to start. We've had our way with so many men. And we don't know where we stand. We went into the fight like a lion, but we came out like a man.

Our defenses are down, they've got us where they want us, and we can't escape, no how. We could speak to our hearts when they weaken, but our hearts won't listen, no.

Like a toothless, clawless tiger.

Like an organ grinder's bearing.

Like a rock grinder's armor.

Like Samson without his hair.

Our defenses are down. We might as well surrender, for the battle can't be won. But we must confess that we like it. So there's nothing to be done.

Yes, we must confess that we like it. Being miserable is gonna be fun.

By the power vested in me as the professor, I pronounce you husbands and wives.

Being miserable is gonna be fun. Congratulations!

Congratulations! Now let's show the happy couple to their new bungalows. I'm sure they're eager to get their honeymoon started.

Hello, Tom.

Did you know bouquet means you're the next to be wed? Do you want some?

Thank you, they're beautiful. And delicious.

I really, really like the way that you cut the bouquet. You do? I do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, I do. I do. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that being stranded on a deserted island would lead me to the man of my dreams.

The man of your dreams?

Oh yes, I've been looking for someone I have something in common with.

We have something in common?

Yes. You're a man and I'm a woman.

I'm a man.

Woman.

What a beautiful arrangement. Oh, Ginger. Wilson and I must ask you something or we're gonna burst at the seams. Well, I, uh, I mean that we, uh— Can you excuse us for just a minute? I don't think I can do this. Well, I know that, but what if she says no? Did that ever cross your brain? I'm sick of being the one that does all the heavy lifting. You're the one with the thick leathery skin. Fine!

Come on.

Ginger! We would like to ask you if you would give us the honor of becoming your wife.

Yes! She said yes! She said yes!

She said yes! She said yes!

Everything you say is a sweet revelation. All I want to do is to get in your head.

We could stay right here and create a brand new nation with Wilson as our king and the sand as our bed. I really, really, really, really, really, really like you.

And I want you to do you on me. Do you want me too?

I really, really, really, really, really, really like you. You want me too. Oh, did I say too much? I'm so in my head when we're out of touch. I really, really, really, really, really, really like you.

And I want you. You want me. You want me too.

Who gave you eyes like that? Said you could keep them.

I don't know. I can't believe it.

I'm running out of time, going out of my mind.

I need to tell you something.

I need to tell you something. Yes. I'm pregnant! Just kidding! I really, really like you and I want you.

Do you love me? Do you want me too?

I really, really, really, really, really, really like you and I want you.

Do you want me? Do you want me too?

Yes, I do! Wilson! Oh, right on the face! Oh, never again!

I'm sorry. Come on, Wilson has to poo.

Now, Lovie, don't tell anyone where we buried our money, especially our son.

I don't want that Hollywood goat Digger getting a grubby nose out of the dirt.

Now, Thurston, darling, be nice. Ginger's going to be our daughter-in-law. They're in love.

Love? An awful lot of that seems to be going around. Why, it's downright ridiculous. I mean, in our day, our parents wouldn't dream of letting us marry for love. We married to build our wealth and to ensure the bloodline.

That's right, dear. But these kids today are all It's all about the love. To love.

Yes, love. It's got me thinking, Eunice. Do you love me?

Do I what?

Do you love me?

Do I love you? With our son soon getting married and then Balmey Island Mound. You're upset, you're worn out, go inside, go lie down. Maybe it's jungle fever.

Eunice, I'm asking you a question.

Do you love me?

Are you drunk?

I'm not.

Do I love you? Well— For 35 years I've had your clothes tailor-made, picked the best chefs to cook your meals, moving in housekeepers, never broke my vows. After 35 years, why talk about love right now?

Eunice, the first time I met you was on our wedding day. I was scared.

I was shy.

I was nervous.

So was I.

But my father and my mother said to merge our wealth together, and so I'm asking you, miss, do you love me?

I'm your wife.

I know, but do you love me?

Do I love him? For 35 years I've lived with him, spent his money. All my beds and 5 mansions are his. If that's not love, what is?

Then you love me.

I suppose I do.

And I suppose I love you too.

Oh, but don't tell our friends when we see them again. It would be so embarrassing.

Oh yes, social suicide. It doesn't mean a thing, but even so, after 35 years, it's nice to know.

Ah, Marianne, would you mind scooping up some of that goat dung for me?

Yes.

What are you making anyway?

Mrs. Howell wants a new kind of drink.

You better put all of it in. She likes it strong.

It should add a nice earthy flavor.

Is it ready, Professor? Top me off. Thank you. Ginger, welcome to the family.

Thank you, Mother.

No, Marianne, I have not.

Have you guys seen Gilligan and Skipper?

No.

No, you black widow vipers, you killed them, haven't you?

Haven't the faintest idea. <LYRICS>Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling. Everything's going my way.</LYRICS> Aw, little buddy, I think this marriage thing is gonna be better than we expected. Aye, aye, Skipper. Marriage is awesome!

Well, it looks like Gilligan and Skipper are safe and sound and very, very happy with their predicament.

That's a relief. I'm so glad everyone has found happiness here. It seems as if no one minds that we may never get off the island now. We've made a real home here, haven't we, Professor? I mean, Roy.

Yes, we may be here for quite some time, but that no longer matters because I couldn't be happier than being Stuck with you.

We've had some fun. Yes, we've had ups and downs. Been down that rocky road. But here we are still around. I love someone else, but neither one could have the man We thought about breaking up, but now we know it's much too late.

We are bound by all the rest, like the same phone number, all the same friends, and the same address.

Yes, it's true. Yes, it's true, I am happy to be stuck with you. Yes, it's true, yes, it's true, I'm so happy to be stuck with you. 'Cause I can see, I can see that you're happy to be stuck with me. giving up to all of us, but we could never stay away. We thought about breaking up, but now you know it's much too late. And it's no great mystery, if we change our minds eventually. It's back to you and me. Yes, it's true.

Yes, it's true.

I am happy to be stuck with you. Yes, it's true. Yes, it's true. I'm so happy to be stuck with you. 'Cause I can see. I can see. That you're happy to be stuck with me. Yes, it's true, I am happy to be stuck with you. Oh, oh, oh, I'm happy to be stuck with you. Oh, oh, oh, I'm so happy to be stuck with you. <LYRICS>So this is the tale of the castaways. They're here for a long, long time. They'll have to make the best of things. It's an uphill climb.

The first mate and the skipper too will do their very best to stay alive while they are chained to their wedding island nest. Their wedding island nest.</LYRICS> No phone, no lights, no motor car, not a single luxury.

With Gilligan, the Skipper too, and his wife, Jill and Monica, the movie star.

And how the four of us, Professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan's Isle.