Nice Work If You Can Get It Thur 16 Nov 2023 HD 1080p
A Prohibition-era musical comedy where bootleggers disguise themselves as butlers and senators to hide 400 cases of illegal liquor while orchestrating chaotic weddings and mistaken identities. Rapid-fire dialogue, musical numbers, and absurdist humor satirize 1920s politics and the hypocrisy of Prohibition.
Chapters
Now this is a very sad day because tomorrow morning I'll marry Auntie Winky Stinkyberry for the third time.
Fourth time! Yeah! But this time I'm not marrying some cheap horse.
Thanks.
Oh, sorry, cheap horse girl. There's a cabaret in this city I'd recommend to you. It's about my knee length, it is, see. The band is blowing in the wind. They play nothing classic, oh no, down there. They break off the edge of the nose, down there. If you need a tonic and a euphoric, if you're very placid, why not buy this? Tap, tap, go down there, tap, tap, go down there.
Dance, play, eat, drink, let's play it.
No fun but that's what I'll say. Let's speak and calm down. Calm down. It's Yasmeen birthday.
Yasmeen birthday.
It's a good time. It's a good time. I'm sure that we both know that we all know. Let's speak and calm down. 'Cause the love is in the pipeline. In the chocolate feast. Here you can keep your seats. Professor? Yeah? Your feet. Hey, shift light running. I need 2 more cases of Eagle Juice. Got it? I'm working, I'm working. So, Wendy, how many more cases did they buy? 2. Just 2?
Yeah, take them in too.
Okay. Someone help me count. 1, 2— Thank you. Now what are we gonna do with the other 400 cases we got on the boat? We've been docked here for 2 days and we haven't unloaded any of them.
That's 'cause the feds swarming all over Manhattan. Whoa! Hey, Carlos, we're providing a valuable service to the community here. Whoa, whoa, easy, easy, Billy.
You're one of the toughest bootleggers in the business, but we gotta implement our routine. We gotta find a safe place to store the stash till the heat calms down. All right?
All right.
Some guys are around here. You should cut. I'll see you.
Take care of it, Billy.
Oh, thanks. Hey, fella. And where do you think you're going? I'm off to live me a life of merry bliss. Hey, you're not a fella!
What's your name?
Never you mind. Oh, never you mind. Hey!
Hey, no, don't hit me!
I'm very wealthy.
Oh yeah, wanna buy more boots?
Oh, no more boots for me. I'm getting married tomorrow. And you know why I married you, never you mind?
'Cause your mother?
No. To prove that I'm mature and responsible, that way Mother will let me take over the family business.
And what's your family business?
I don't know, Mother won't tell me.
All right, time for you to hightail it out of here.
Oh no, you're falling in love with me, aren't you?
Oh yeah, I never knew it could be this good.
Oh please, please don't fall in love with me. Okay, love is And I'm a sucker for a sweet Manhattan penthouse and a Long Island beach house that I never ever ever ever ever use.
Oh, a huge Long Island beach house that you never ever use? The one on Bayville Lane?
That's it!
Now keep up, Mike!
The man who lives for making money lives a life that isn't necessarily sunny. Likewise, the man who works for fame, there's no guarantee that one will do great things. The fact is, the only kind of work that brings enjoyment is the kind that is for world and for use. Fall in love, you won't regret it, that's the best work of all. You can get it. You know, some people have to fart for a living. Holding hands at midnight, beneath a starry sky. Next word.
Get it.
Get it. It's fire. Rolling with napalm burns, sky is fire, sky. Next word. Get it. Get it. If you try, just imagine someone with a cottage door, who begs you once to come home, and asks for anything more, but loves the one who loves you, and then sings that song. First you work to get it, then you get it, Won't you tell me how?
Come on, baby, you might dance with me. No, I don't know nothing about no dancing.
Oh, perfect, me neither. You okay there? Uh, Jimmy?
The coppers are ready to do it! Everybody scram!
Jimmy! Billy, come on!
Hey, I found us a place to stash our stash.
Bingo! Wait!
Oh my goodness.
Lacey, come on!
Wait, I gotta find Jimmy first.
Who's Jimmy?
Oh, the mob whose house we scammed, and I gotta return him his wallet.
What are you talking about? We're crooks, we don't return things. This is the police!
We have the whole place surrounded! Except for the back!
Come on, through the back!
Just missed them, Senator Appleton.
I just heard that they were around with his henchmen. Yup, they're in that speakeasy, a party of some 8 or 9. I'm up for reelection, Chief. We must catch them. So I brought along the most righteous woman I know. Chief, this is my sister, Duchess Estonia Noldor.
And the proud founder of society, the Pride of the River.
For let him proceed to death, who could outlast me easier than anyone?
Even though you vex him, even though you disgrace him, you're not equal to make him break. Never spruce, sweetest nectar, shall you be a scepter for the king in your lingering reign.
The jokes you shall use, a step forward taking joy. Victory reigns, on a big black bridge, down we sit. Down we'll truffle when we win the Battle of the Balsam. He will not yield, we will not give up.
Okay, what do you know?
What do you say? Okay, Mom, it's done filling the cellar.
Okay.
Okay, hey, did you get rid of the two servants? That was it? Yeah, I gave them cases of hooch and told them to scram, okay?
Okay, but why you wearing that uniform?
In case the cops come snooping, okay?
Okay.
Okay, and one more time, the Joker owns this house?
He said he never ever uses this place, okay?
Okay. I still don't know why you was dancing with him though.
I was undercover, okay?
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Listen, you two, we gotta keep our heads in the game. The feds are really turning up the heat. Brown really sent us our biggest shipment of black material ever. So stop being asses and go unload the motherfucking pipe. Okay. Okay, mom's place. Okay. Oh boy, who are you, Topo? You must be the butler of the agency, senso. Butler? Why would I be the butler? I'm Jimmy Winter, and this is my mother's beach house. Oh, but I thought you never used this place.
Now then, servant, take these bags to Bad dancer, sir.
Hey, how dare you talk to my wife that way!
Jim, I don't think this person even realizes who he's in the presence of.
Why, this is Eileen Evergreen, the finest interpreter of modern dance in the world. Why, she's so brilliant when she steps on stage, no one has any idea what she's doing.
So, wonderful person, when we require you, with what name shall we Cooking, McGee?
That's why cooking! Sweetheart, who cares? It's our honeymoon! No, Chipsy! Chipsy! Finally! No!
I need breakfast first.
McGee, how do I make breakfast fast? Strawberries! That's what I meant. But the agency telegram said you and your wife arrived this morning. Oh! Well, sure, this morning. Yeah. But wouldn't you know it, moments before you got here, The maid left me! After years of loyal service. Oh my goodness, you must be devastated. Oh, help me! Oh, help me! Listen, my dear, before we go back inside, I need to talk to you by myself. What do you want about Tassella? McGee, can I trust you? Oh, sure. There's a bottle of gin in my cell. A whole bottle of gin? Oh, bring it to me, to Mark Tassella. Bus. I won't even let you down there. See you later, fools. And the honeymoon begins!
Finally!
Yes!
No, first I swear That I'm the only woman you've ever worshipped?
Oh, I swear it.
Even though you've been married 3 times before?
Well, Roxy, Trixie, and Ginger meant nothing to me. Besides, Ginger was signing an annulment papers yesterday. I'm a free man.
Take me! No, I need a bath first.
Really?
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ellen. Jimmy?
No, no, no, no, no, you're not supposed to be here.
I'm sorry, have we met?
Yeah, last night when you told me you'd never ever lose this place.
Boy, was I loving it. Well, it's nice to see you again.
Uh, Gertrude.
Right. I can help you with something.
Oh, no, no, no, it's just the books.
Oh, you left your college house? Yeah, right. What college?
Oh, um, the big one with the ivy.
Oh, Harvard.
Okay.
I was kicked out of Harvard. And Yale. And Bucknell. And a few others. I'm not much smarter than you.
I, uh, street smart.
No, just rich and good looking. Turns out that's enough. What are you doing here anyway?
Loving your mom.
Hey, now I remember.
What do you remember?
I remember kissing you. Nope, never happened. You sure?
Believe me, I have never been kissed.
Oh, how tragic. Do you know you've been missing out on?
Yeah, 3 whole seconds of nothing.
Listen to me, Gertrude. I'm a mature and responsible married man now, so what I'm about to do is for educational purposes only. I will derive absolutely no pleasure from this. What's that? The love of my life calls.
But you don't really love her. What?
Who said that? You did.
No, no, no, I'm mistaken.
You're a funny type of gal, I'll always see you around, and I hope you learned something here today.
I'm going to seek a certain man in my life. Lookin' everywhere, I haven't found him yet. He's a big affair I will not forget. Only man I've ever seen go face regret. I'd like to ask his initials to line my grave. Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb? There's somebody I'm longing to see. I hope that he turns out to be someone who will watch over me. I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood. I know I could always be good to one who will watch over me. Although he may not be the best of elves, As handsome to my heart, you carry the key. Won't you tell her please to put on her feet, follow my lead. Oh, how I Someone to watch over me. Someone to watch over me.
Oh, sweetie pie, you must be done bathing by now. No, it's been 4 and a half hours.
What?
Mon soufflé.
James Winter scoots along while I pamper.
Scoot?
Skit, skit, pam-pam-pam. Oh, Eileen, what can I say to sing my praise of you? I must reveal the things I feel. What can I say? Each lovely face of you. Just explore the great scriptive powers for 20 hours of every day.
What can I say?
What is the theme? I'd love to sing. They say my voice, they say you're wonderful, and yet that's not it. Now let me sing. I think that I got it. I'm so delicious and so nice. I love bitches to have care for me. You love a lesbian, you love your lines on lesbian. For sure, I Oh, he's had 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 girls before, but now he's got a girl all to himself.
Oh my, delicious.
And so delicious. You're stunning. —true that she'll adore all the time to be brave. He's had 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 girls before, but now there's one, and I'm the one he loves the most.
Has your Anyone at the door? Jumping butterflies! Oh my God, listen, what's that here? What did I say? Oh my God, listen, I see your phone there, MITD. I got inside info that that dangerous group is hiding out around here. What? You know what they look like? All we know is they're a— You seen anyone like that? Uh, nope. Well, thanks for dropping by. Servant, I see fear in your eyes. Fear not, for I will find them, and when I do, I will shoot them and I will kill them.
Oh, have a nice day.
Billy, did you just hear that flatfoot?
I mean, Mrs. Mrs. Yeah, just gotta make sure We keep everyone away from that cellar, especially that Jimmy Winter.
You want to distract that pair of pants more than anything?
What? Dames. Then we'll find us a dame. Great.
Where?
Let's think.
Okay, got it. What? During the day. Ah, no, we need a dame. Well, I can be the dame.
Yeah, I'm gonna distract him in winter. I'll paint my mug, slink around all sultry-like, and then I'll distract him with my female stuff. You ready for this, Hank? Get ready.
Oh, oh, oh, there's something wrong with your face. Oh, he is putting my shoulder back. Yeah, and, uh, St. Brackenbury Hall. Congratulations on my latest marriage. Once again, you have deeply disappointed me. It's from mother. This is not the way I talk You've got your father's glorious profile, but unfortunately, like him, you are also a complete imbecile. Love, Mom. Boy, I miss her. Hey, have you seen any funny girls around here? How funny? Just different funny.
You mean Billy?
No, no, that wasn't her name. Hi, Jimmy!
Hey girls, buy a cookie! Hi, cookie! Buy a cookie! We was in the neighborhood and wondered if you cared to go for a swim.
Oh gee, I don't know. Please, Jimmy! I like where this is going.
But maybe swimming with a bunch of attractive girls is not the best idea for a new neighbor. But why? We don't mean no harm. It's just swimming. Please, Judy! I'll be there with toys in the making, and ceilings are shaking, and there's never a care. There's gotta be care. Take my hat and go to the zoo with I'm a bear. Who's not a saint when bottles are popping and dink dinkies dropping, and children are chasing? You got me there. You got me there. Check his hat just once and know that's not the way he means a lamb. Just a little lamb who's gone astray.
We've got all 3 puppies and they can each watch each other go north.
You got me there.
You got me there.
You got me there. You got me there. You got me there. You got me there. You got me there.
Announcing the end of the bath of her cleanliness. Holy cow, boss! The mistress is done with her suds!
We go fire! Wait, wait, wait, wait! How will we know when the coast is clear?
Oh, right. You girls come out when you hear me shout the word "love." Love! Was it finally time for us?
Not yet. First, have a little service to ready our honeymoon goomah. Biscuits!
Biscuits! It's cooking. The boss man got a telegram saying we're on.
Really? Lorna, dear, is that the way you'd like to speak to your employer? Oh, right.
Mr. Employer, my lord, my master, awards of a most urgent matter have just arrived for thee via thy telegram peasant. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Oh my goodness, Ginger, who is this? I know that she wants to make herself look good.
You mean I married you while you were married to somebody else? Our marriage is a sham. How dare you! Do this to the finest and truest modern dance in the world?
You are— you, you are—
you are a monster! A monster! And yet you placed me in a compromising position. Compromising position. And you made me the victim of a mock marriage. A mock marriage! I'm in love with the butler! Get out now! I'm getting my father. Oh no, no, no, please not the senator.
He'll know how to deal with the likes of you.
No, no, no, I'm sorry, I beg you, please stay.
Give me one reason. I swear it, you're the only girl I love. Ricky, before I turn in, I just wanted to know if there was any sign of my wife. Uh, nope. Her lovely, uh, warlike voice hasn't pierced my swollen hours. Say, boss, you don't mind the asshole? What a guy like you going there and gaming like her. Well, she's a wonderful girl. And, mother said if I didn't marry a substantial woman, she would disinherit me. What did your old man think about all this? Oh, I never knew my old man. He died during childbirth. Nice. I hope people eat tonight, all right? Thank you. Well, boss, looks like your wife ain't coming back this month, so you're on your own tonight. Jizz? You didn't swipe that from my bottle, no? No, no, I swiped my stuff straight from Brown Kid. Really? I heard he's a crazy madman. Don't know, no one's ever met him. Hey, I just had a funny thought. See, I always thought Brown Kid was just some average Joe in disguise. Someone right under our noses. Someone like you Me? But nah, you could never run around this size. You'd have to work for a living. Oh, I've read about people who work for a living. Yeah, right. Maybe I'd bust. Love you. Love you too. McGee? Make it up something like gunfire! McGee! Don't move!
Holy mackerel, it's Gertie! Sorry, I just had to make sure this was your bedroom.
Oh, okay. Wait, what? Why would you want to break into my bedroom?
To show you this. Slinky, slinky, daddy, daddy, I shaked it and shaked Is something wrong with your shoulder? This is the police!
We have the whole place surrounded except the back window. Oh, I'm climbing out the back window!
I'll take care of her.
Just, uh, in here. Okay. Try and get a hold of yourself. All right, Chief, I'll follow you very MITD. Where is she? Where's who? I seen you climb through one of the little back windows. Where's the little bootlegger? Bootlegger? Ah, who is in there? Uh, it's just— it's my wife. Just married this morning. Hey, that makes this your wedding night! Why, yes it does! Oh, finally! Wait, hang on. Oh yeah, sort of like a garden wheel. That's right, go back.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm always doing stuff like this. That's why I never get invited anywhere. What's behind this door?
What? Who are you? Well, guess the scam is up.
So wait a minute, at least somebody wants Why would a Harvard girl become a bootlegger?
Oh, you know, tuition.
Don't go.
Didn't you hear the man? I'm a criminal.
Not to me, Gertie. To me, you're just a mature, responsible girl putting away for college. And I've never met anyone like you. Hey, Gertie, you know when I kissed you earlier and I said I wouldn't derive any pleasure?
You derived pleasure? How do you like that? Can you ask her some more intelligent questions?
No, she doesn't talk like that.
Oh yeah. Where is the dame anyway?
She went to go get her father, see, because she found out I'm still married to my other wife. You have two wives? I like to just kid myself.
Ah ha!
You'll come with me, stupid whore. I'll turn you off for your big return visit.
I bet this is the dame.
And you two sure don't sound like honeywings. Honey? Tell her how much you love me.
Actually, Officer, he's the one who should be arrested.
Oh yes, that was helpful. You know what, Officer?
Lock her up! Lock him up!
Lock her up! All we do is fight and I'm sick of it.
We're just too different, you know what I mean? Not really.
You say you love her and I say I love her. You say neither and I say neither. Fool! Either, either, neither, neither. Let's call the whole thing off. Come on now, you like potato and I like— potato? Yeah. You like tomato and I like— tomato? Potato. Potato. Tomato. Tomato.
Let's call the whole thing off. —I just want you to come in with me. We need each other, so we better hold on.
Let's follow both the laws. Rob's here. I knew this girl was special the day we met.
But then this jerk made me fall for him, even though he was already married. Twice!
So we got into this fight. Sort of like the one we're having now. Until she let me explain myself. You remember my explanation, right?
No!
I said, how can you blame me for being married to other people when I hadn't even met you yet? Why, if I met you first, you would have been the only girl I would have married. You didn't mean that? No. Hold on, that still won't solve your problem.
Problem? So what problem?
She says laughter, you say laughter. He says after, you say after. Laughter, laughter, after, after.
Let's call the whole thing off. I like vanilla. You like vanilla.
Use that vanilla and ice ice vanilla. Vanilla. Vanilla. Chocolate. Strawberry. Let's call the thing off. Oh, we can call the whole thing off and you will fall. Oh, if you ever pardon that my grave, my heart. So if you go for oysters, have the first guess. I'll order oysters and cancel the oysters for you. No need to soak that cold cod in the fog. I'm a swell honeymoon goose, dear Poppy. Don't you worry, I got the whole place surrounded so no one's getting in or out of this bedroom tonight. You know, Gertie, I know we just met, but I already love you more than any of my Cookie, I'm going to put a door on the stove. Looking for Billie. She didn't come back to the boat last night. Well, she's been here all night trying to scam them off. I'll tell you about this This loverboy's got some setup. You should see the dames that stick around here. Holy cow! Dames? How does the good one dance? He's making her rest.
I'm looking for Jimmy. Is he still married? Well, he thought he'd been married 24 hours. All right, I'll check back tomorrow.
Hey, wait a minute. You seem like a classy dame who's looking for a handsome fellow.
And what's it to a little butler like you?
Nothing, but I find a way. Meh, not interested. That's too bad, Duke. Duke? Duke of what? You see, my name is the Duke of England. What?
That's right, the Duke of England, please meet. You don't like us? Wait a minute! Say, Duke, you looking for a Duchess?
Wait a minute, actually, turns out a babe is just what this Duke needs. Of course, when the Duke does pick a babe, she's got to be something. After all, through my people, I am going to be a King and Queen of England! What?
Oh my God, I've always wanted to be Queen of England!
Then you two have a lot to talk about. I get nervous around things.
Ain't no need to get nervous around me, dude. How about to calm you down, I just give you a little serenade? No thanks, ain't thirsty. Fine, you might have to detain my present chief.
What chief? That's it, your big strong brute.
Hurry up, y'all ladies, please! Yes! Yes! No, I won't. I will. I won't.
I will. How about you?
What? Tell me, tell me, what did you do?
Nothing.
I just got a thrill that evening when your two lips were pressed to But—
but you! You!
When you held me, I missed nothing. You should know I really was struggling. I'm only begging. And I should explain. But— oh— I'll do it again. Do what again? I may say no, no, no, no, no, but do it again. Stop! Help me! My lips just ache to have you take the kiss that's waiting for you. You know if you do. Who is here won't regret it. I'll never get home. No one will miss me.
No one will miss me. I've got to leave the house now.
Cry ho ho ho ho ho.
No one will miss me.
My mom is for you, 'cause she told me it is not even bad. Oh, do it again.
Please do it again. Boo-ah!
Oh, oh, boo!
You know it, you do.
You won't break it. Come and get it.
Oh, do it again. Say it. I may say no, no, no, no, no. Oh, but do it again.
Mama may scold me because she told me it is naughty, but then I'll do it again.
Please do it again.
Potato, potato, chocolate, strawberry.
I'm in the cellar, so I'll be distracting y'all.
Fantastic! We talked all night. He told me all about his life as a wealthy playboy, and I told him all about mine as a bootlegging honest student from Harvard. Okay, okay, say that last part again. You know, he's really not that bad of a guy.
Holy cow, you ain't actually falling for this joker?
Oh no, I'm a professional here.
McGee, my breakfast! All right, while I'm surrounding Valentino's ass, give him this telegram. It's from a Ginger.
Hey, that's one of his wives!
Are you kidding yourself? One of his wives?
Ginger signed the annulment papers. What's that got to do with you? Oh, you know, nothing. I'm just happy for him.
You got a bad feeling about this?
Look, Cookie, I'm doing what I'm doing for the game here.
What happens when he finds out the truth? Billy, I know you too well, so do me a favor, okay? And don't let this guy turn you into an idiot. Hey, there's my girl.
Jimmy, I gotta ask you, all that pretty stuff you said to me last night, were they just lies?
Of course not, I'd never lie to you, Marie. Just like I know you would never lie to me.
Yeah, about that. See? You know how I told you the whole truth about me? Well, the whole truth is only partly true.
Oh, thank goodness you're not a wanted bootlegger felon.
No, that's the true part. You see, the not true part is my name's not Birchwood. It's Billy. Billy Bendix. And I come from a whole long line of nuffins, and I ain't robbin' no hobbits, and I got a bunch of tin stashed in your cellar.
Jimmy. Well, to tell you the truth, I suspected you never went to Harvard. You did? You see, there are no girls at Harvard.
You crow! Why didn't you say something?
I was scared if I did, I'd never see you again. Gertie, I'm not exactly a certified one-life or two-lives, but if you were going to become your fourth wife, or maybe It's for you. I promise you'll be the one I'm with for the rest of my life. Life has just begun. Jack has found his Jill.
Don't know what you've done, but I know it's real.
How can words express your divine appeal?
You can never guess. From now on, lady, I will assist.
For me, no other girls exist. It's wonderful, it's marvelous, you should care for me.
It's awful nice. It's paradise. It's what I love to see.
You make my life so glamorous.
You kept my needs fulfilled and rest. Oh, it's wonderful.
Smaller loss. That you should care for me.
My life's so glamorous. You can't blame me for feeling perilous.
It's wonderful.
It's marvelous that you should care for me.
Oh, Ivy, what are you doing here?
I have a better question. Who is this happy Pretty person.
Oh, this is a sheep.
Sheep, is it? Yes. I spill demon bile over ginseng. This is my auntie Estonia, the Duchess of Woodford and noted prohibitionist. I came back to these shores to search for bootleggers. Never did I expect to find a beast.
Oh, hey, I can explain. What do you know? What do you say? No No more visitors! I give you no more offers! Exactly who are you? Unfortunately, the butler. And exactly who are you? The Duchess of Woodford. Oh yeah, did you bring your Duke with you? My husband passed on shortly after we were married. So we got lucky then.
I beg your pardon!
There you are! Senator Avery, I can explain! You'll have plenty of time to explain from the state penitentiary. Senator Avery, one night I had a few too many drinks, and the next thing I know, I woke up married to Ginger, this woman I hardly knew. Another victim of demon Rob! Yeah, yeah, that's good. I'm a victim! I have no choice but to put out a warrant for your arrest. Oh no, you can't do that! I can too. I'm also a judge. You're a senator and a judge? And a reverend.
He's the most moral man in America!
And you're the loudest woman.
Butler, I must say, I want you to stop speaking and get me a lemonade.
Oh well, it's nice to have a twin, sweetheart. Here, hold on there. Senator Evergreen, the state penitentiary is no place for a wealthy playboy like me. Well, you should have thought that before your sham marriage to my daughter. It's a good thing I stole your bottom on her bike squad. Arrest him!
He's not married anymore. What? Jimmy, who is this woman?
Uh, this is— she's—
oh, I'm sorry, actually, she's your company maid, Bobby. Bobby? Yes, Governor. But I thought the maid was married to the butler and she left him yesterday. Oh, then I've come running back here in my apron. Billy!
Oops, excuse me.
Stop right there, sir. You called her Billy. She said her name was Bobbie.
Oh yeah, inside, Bobbie Billy. She's from the south of England.
And this here is me good lad Dick. The servants brought along a friend? Oh no, no, he's no friend, he's a chef. Yes, the agency sent him as a wedding gift.
Oh, there's your blasted wife. Whoa! Look at all this space!
Butler, is this one your wife?
What? You gotta be kidding me or something! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Hey, y'all! Is that little woman alright? Oh, for goodness' sake, what does it matter who these servants are? What is this about Mr.
Winter not being married anymore? They said a telegram arrived this morning. Yes, sir, from a Mrs. Ginger.
Ginger got the money away with her. She's hiding it in Oak Ridge. Oh, why, this is splendid news. Now we can have the wedding this very afternoon. This afternoon?
Uh, no, wouldn't it be better if we wait? Nonsense! And I will personally plan the wedding luncheon, catered, of course, by Chef Duke.
No! I'm so happy! I am Judy! Bad time, girl. Really, really bad time. I'm sorry, but something has come up since last night. Well, I hope this has to do with your responsibility to marry my daughter. You see, that's just it, sir. See this woman here? Your cockney maid? Yes. I mean, no, sir.
Bobby Billy is not our cockney maid.
No. Won't she— She—
If you're having low feet, perhaps you should contact your mother.
Oh, no, no, no, no, this is not mother. I'm sorry. I can't. You can't what?
I think what Master Jimmy is trying to say is he can't do nothing else but marry your daughter, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just getting himself in the way. Ain't that right, sir?
Yes, it is.
Well, as we cockney people like to say, Cheers!
What an enchanting maid you have, James. Aren't foreigners who speak English just delightful?
Oh, it's wedding time! Gah! I'll show you where the good china is stored. I believe it's in the cellar.
No, no, no, wait! You can't go in the cellar! Not if you can't! Of course we can, right, Daddy?
Men choose them! Hey, girls, come along!
Are we in the cellar? Stop! Everybody back away from the cellar!
Daddy, I don't understand. Max, I'm beginning to smell the devil's brew. I command to see the cellar. Uh, no, that ain't it.
You just can't see the cellar cause Cause? Cause? Cause? Cause? Why? Cause the pause is in the scenario! I do? You do! You sure?
I'm sure!
Positive? Positive! I think they may have forgotten. I don't think so. I think they knew what you were going to say. I know they do! You saw it! I'm sure! Oh, enough with this song and dance! Wait! Say that again. Oh, enough with this song and dance. Dancing! Got a little rhythm, rhythm, rhythm that pitter-pats through my brain. The dawn persistent, the day is distant when it'll drive me insane. Comes in the morning without any warning and hangs around me all day. Someday I'll speak up to it, and then I'll speak up to it. I hope it listens to what I say. Fascinating rhythm, you got me on the go. Fascinating rhythm, I'm on the brink of go. What am I sure making today, you wanna know? I hope it shakes you just like a quiver. Each morning I wake up in the sun. To find that life no longer went on. I know that I'll sleep better, but now you're doing wrong. When it starts to get out of hand, I'm so unhappy. Won't you take a day off and decide to run along? So far away, I'll take a nap. Oh, how I long to be the man I used to be. That's the name of the rhythm. It's about taking a break. Aah! You have to listen to me, Billy. If I don't marry Andy today, the Senator Everdread will throw me in jail. Please, please.
So all that stuff you said to me last night, it was all lies, wasn't it?
No, it's just sometimes I don't think with my head.
No surprise there.
I think with my heart. Stick around, please. Okay, Billy, he's weightless. Billy, please.
Gypsy! I have brilliant news! In celebration of our wedding, I'm expressing my happiness through dance! Yay!
Madame the police! Bonjour, help me, servants!
Au revoir, help me, servants! Enjoy your meal! How did you see me?
Billy, what do you know about this?
I don't know what, Cookie. I'm going back to the boat.
But you can't.
What about the basement? I just— I can't stand him around. He's the finest interpreter of modern dance.
Wait a minute, did you actually go and vote for Mr. Jimmy Winter?
No, my vote would have been yes.
But it's gonna help me. You're gonna build jail. I know. We're all in a jam. We gotta get these folks fed and wet as fast as possible. But I got two big problems. One, I don't know how to cook. And B, you gotta tell me, how does a man know when he's in love? They say it's when the day eats into his skin so bad he can't want to smoke.
Yeah, and just the thought of that makes him all dizzy and stupid.
That I'm in love with Genie Muldoon. Aww. For crying out loud! It's a beautiful love. There's something I gotta do. What? Become the King of England! Once she finds out the truth, I ain't never gonna see her again, and then—
and then— I'll die! I'll do it!
Wait a minute here! This ain't no Mommy Oscar. We gotta get these trophies to the house as fast as the cows fed so we can get our 4 kids to the bootleg scrap. So I don't wanna hear no more about no leaving. We're about to become a no head, no body team, or else we're all gonna wind up in the slam. And I for one ain't going back to prison, except maybe spending more time with my family. Now we got a job to do. We're gonna do it. Got it? Got it. Got it? Got it. Butler! Scram! They come for the Grand Duchess of Harper! Oh, butler! I hear ya! I heard you dead, King Morgan!
Butler, we have frightfully little time to plan this afternoon's nuptials, so listen up!
Perfection is required!
Now then, you and Rob Bagley will be in charge of food and drinks. No spirits! No booze at a wedding, you gotta stop!
Silence! And— MUSIC? No, you're talking like you're just beginning to bring it on for ya.
Brrr. Me? Certainly not. We will be hiring a string quartet.
String quartets put people asleep. How'd you like to hear some red hat wails? The latest sound, the biggest wow on every stage in New York.
I'd rather die.
I'd like to help ya.
You know what they put on stages nowadays? Frothy farces! Frivolous boy-meets-girl farces! And the music? Don't even talk to me about the music. Oh me! The music, Robbie! You mustn't get early for me! Now I'm in no corner to turn up a horn and burst with joy! —pounding on keys. How can I be single when hearing this dribble? It's only for my loving associates. A few of them is ill-willed, but it's busy busy. And you tell the band if they want a half the world Salad, salad, salad, salad.
Now all of you shut up and eat. Ignore him and let's just enjoy a region all my king salad. But we haven't even touched it.
Come on. 3 quarter, 4 quarter, 3 quarter, 4 quarter. Swing into 3 quarter time.
I was afraid you might have left.
And why would you care about that?
Listen, if I don't marry— if I don't marry, at the end of the Senate rememberage, I'll go throw me in jail. But great news, I've come up with a plan.
A plan? To stop my wedding. Look, I fell for pretty talking tricks once, and I ain't falling for them again. You had your chance with me when you blew it.
Well, if you really feel that way, then why are you still sticking around here?
I got me a job to finish, and that ain't none of your business anyway. I'll be hanged!
It's not like Billy just assaulted you with lemonade! No, no, no, it wasn't like that. She was—
It's a Halloween tradition! It is! After you toast the groom, you throw the drink in his face!
Easy, you sir! Thank you! She is too divine. Don't you just adore a threatening force? Oh, Jiminy!
Just think, soon we'll be joined together in happiness! Till death do us part.
Oh, I'm sorry, I have an announcement to make. I'm terribly sorry, but I can't get married today. What? Why not? It's just that I have malaria. Malaria? Bad taste. Oh, Jiminy, this can't be true! Oh, I know, I know, she's going to postpone the wedding.
No, it can't be true, because don't you get malaria in Africa? What? Yes, one contracts malaria from mosquitoes in Africa.
I thought it was London. No, it's Africa.
Yes, Africa. Definitely Africa. Don't look good, plan governor.
To meet James with her. I assume you just have a case of pre-wedding jitters, but my baby wants to marry you, so you will marry her.
Daddy, will you begin our luncheon by saying a few words? Of course.
Thank you, thank you. And how thankful we are that we live in America, where a club-footed little girl can grow up to become the finest interpreter of modern All right, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna be serving some food and you're gonna be eating it fast. We got bread, soup, salad, eggs, and if you can find the catfish. Yes, America, where all men are created equal and the wealthiest men govern them. M? Yes! America! Where we will destroy every beady-eyed little light bootlegger! Alright, that's it for the breath. But we haven't even touched it yet! We serve it with claret or done. Next course coming right up.
Butler, we have yet to be offered a beverage.
There's a whole jug of lemonade right there, sweetheart.
Yes, which a servant should pour. Really, I've never met anyone like this man.
Hey, look out the window!
This has not been filmed! Move! Both along!
Enjoy! Go on, Daddy. Oh, it seems I I lost my place. Where was I?
Not the end!
In conclusion, I would like to say that soon the Evergreen political dynasty will come to an end, for I have no son to take over my Senate seat, just an expensive daughter who I'm finally marrying off.
And now, a special cookie tribute! Forever on fire and gently through. I want you to paddle around with you, paddle around with you, paddle around with you. Dear baby, I never know, I never know just where I stand. I thought you were not acting before, and I want you to know I'm beginning to see that I was like Salad, salad, salad, salad.
Now all of you, shut up and eat! Ignore him and let's just enjoy a leisurely lunch. Oh, I think it's salad. But we haven't even touched it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, man, let's touch it, let's touch it, come on, bookworm!
May I have some more of this unusual lemonade? Mm-hmm.
Look, there's Charlie Chaplin!
Charlie!
Charlie! Charlie! You missed him.
No, I hear these comments.
Seen a cat with a big chunk of diamond in its mouth?
It went that way! I got the sandwich! No, I got the cat!
How dare you! You are fired! No, that's any blood. And why am I not? I'm sure it was just an accident.
Accident? Why are you defending this?
Oh my gosh, you have feelings for Bob Bagley? What? Of course not! She is absolutely nothing What? James Winter, I have suffered through this outrageous meal, so you must tell, and tell me now! Have you behaved inappropriately with this common coffee maid? Don't tell him nothing, good boy. Impossible!
I'm the founder of the Society for a Dry America.
Yes! Nestoria, stop that this instant! Down! Why should I? I'm a groom! Well, you're You'll certainly not be taken by the wrong woman.
Oh my gosh! You're right! My pompous big brother is right!
Look! I'm just a little girl. Sonya. Who's looking for a little girl. All right, here's your dessert, then you're done.
Tell me, please, what can we drink? The loving who brings to me the holy Does anyone understand me? Do you know me, Buffalo?
Tell me who I am. Please tell Well, you are just a little girl who's looking for a little boy. Boy who's looking for a girl who loves—
Yes, yes, it was the steps! Tell me, please, what can it be? The loving King who brings to peace the holy land.
James Butler, you have given us the worst wedding luncheon ever!
Daddy, it wasn't his fault. It was all her fault. Bobby Miller, you'll pack your things and go!
All right, let's get this wedding done before I change my mind. I mean, follow me. Thank you, Butler. I hope you're happy with yourself.
You really gonna marry that twit?
Hey, that twit happens to be mature and responsible, and at least she's done a warm-up before her arrest.
I could go straight if I wanted to. Yeah, sure, and what would you do? I'm pretty good at running things, and I could run a business.
As if anyone would hire a common criminal like you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. It's just you and me. We're okay. Right.
Excuse me, have you— Say, honey, is something wrong? Oh no, I guess I just don't know too much about men. Aw, man, nothing much stupid stinking liars. You can't believe one word they say. Possibly. I found myself a duke. A duke? Yeah, I'm going to be his duchess. He's all me, my friend. Depends if he's the Duke of England. What? England? It's a country. Oh no, no, no, he's just a common criminal like me. Then not the right pose. Like, nah, definitely not the same Hey, Billy. Wait a minute. Geez! Is this your friend? The one who killed the nothing? Um, I should scram, but is he your friend? Yeah, it's just always lying. Oh, I knew something was funny, but you didn't have no English accent. I don't want to take you to sleep. I don't want anyone to sleep in. I only want one thing. What? It's a big one! A big one!
Hey, no, Sweetie Pie. And I was trying to think of how to make it up to you. See, all I could think about was writing you something real romantic-like, but while I was thinking, I realized I'm not too good with words. And to be honest, I don't know a lot of them. But I just love you so much, Sweetie Pie. I've written you a song, a beautiful routine. I hope you like it. My technique can't be wrong. I learned it from the screen.
I hope you like it. I bet I don't.
I studied all the rhymes that all the lovers me. And just for you, I wrote this little thing. La la la la moon. La la la la morning dew. La la la la fruit. La la la la love. Tralalala, tralalala, every month of May. I like that part.
Tralalala, tralalala, meet the clouds of rain. Blah, blah, blah, your hair.
Blah, blah, blah, your eyes to hear. Blah, blah, blah, blah, Let me see that.
You really don't have a kingdom?
Not even a small one? Honey, I don't even have the least pair of shoes. I'm just an average mug from Jersey who was named Duke after our family dog. But all that doesn't matter, see? All that matters is— Sweetheart, I meant every word. 20 minutes, sweetie. I'm about to do the most mature and responsible thing I've ever done. She's a wonderful girl, isn't she? Oh, Billy? No, Eileen. I don't know what I was thinking when I was thinking I was going to marry her. Who, Eileen? No, Billy.
Wait a minute, you was thinking you was going to marry Before I go, I'd like to give you something.
Have you done enough already? Go?
Did you say go? Yes, it's your wallet. I swiped it when we met.
But you can't leave! What about the bicycle?
Cookie, this ain't none of your business.
Hey, whatever happens to me is his business. He's the best butler I ever had. I am? I have plenty of other wallets, so you can keep that one. The thing is, I don't want to remember you.
So here, take it back. Take it back. See? Not just some common criminal.
Just tell me one thing. When you said you loved me, were you standing here? Doubtfully no.
You just— ever since I met you, you've been driving me crazy. One minute you act so nice to me, and the next you act like the world's biggest heel. I was even thinking of giving up bullying, and I'm so confused. Really? Really? Well, yeah. Now, if you needed someone a little more respectable for your mother, then I could be that someone. Don't you see? This ain't me. Because of you, my head hurts and I can't think straight, and it's like I'm not in control of my senses or something. Is that what love does to you? Yeah. Well, then I guess it wasn't Scampia. But the problem is I say potato and you say potato, and I say potato and you say potato, tomato, tomato. When I go my way, across my way, will you remember me? When you are lonesome, I'd like to post a place in —your memory. I know that you'll play a part in my heart when I start. That's something I can guarantee. But when you stray off somewhere way off, will Bye, James. Holy mackerel! Maya, no way, Tim!
What? She's really got it bad for you. Hey, boss, do you feel the same way about her? How could anyone not feel the same way about her? Boss, you hustling? I don't know. All right, keep on on your pedals and meet me and Luke in the kitchen. Best butler you ever had, huh? Yeah. Wow. Out through my doorway will you remember me.
When before long my life's gone, I shall rise in your very glory. I know it is there, in my heart when I start, that's something I can guarantee. But when you stray off somewhere way off, will you remember me?
Will you remember All right, let's get this wedding done. Let's go, Jack. Take your feeling like your father's self. Now, where is the groom? Here I am. Splendid. And did you hear the news? Your Irene has written her own vows.
Oh, she has? Hit it! Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today to unite this band at this moment in holy basketball.
To you I leave Evergreen, the finest interpreter of modern dance in the world. Wait a minute! Nobody's married no one! How dare you! You're fired! Oh, you can't fire us, sweetheart, cuz we ain't really service. We're really undercover prohibition agents. See, we got jackets and everything. Officer Fred and Officer Fred. And he's not really Jimmy Winter. Oh It's true! My name is Redbeard! Brownbeard! Brownbeard! James Winterty, you actually expect us to believe you're the most wanted bootlegger in America? Yes, 'cause in my basement there are 400 cases of gin!
And now don't bother with us! Gin Zizzy!
Oh, it's true all right! She's buried! Thank goodness we're here! Now tell us, are Officers Fred and Fred telling the truth? Oh, they ain't officers, and they never named Fred.
This here's really Duke Mahoney, and this here's Cookie Micky, two of Bravia's most notorious gang members.
Now I'm playing dumb, see, waiting for one of them to lead me to the big boss himself. Good plan, bravo, boys!
What? How about. Well, no. Did you just say no? Look lady, I don't care who you are. I can't marry your son. Whenever I'm near the joker, I just make one bad decision after another.
Oh, my dear, that's what love does.
It turns perfectly rational women like us into complete idiots. Take a look at Max here. All these giants That's all, lady.
This game is still going to jail. Sonia, what are you doing?
Oh, I guess I'm in love with a bootlegged butler named Cookie.
What? Sonia, don't be ridiculous.
You're a Duchess and he's a servant. Ever since my husband died, I've spent my time training just like my big brother here. Judging people, telling them how to live their lives. But then instead, this odd little man poured me a glass of lemon juice. He showed me what Would you like to sing and dance with me?
Yeah, you can! For God's sake, Estonia, he's married to the maid! Oh, he ain't married. Quiet! He's not? All right, lady, it's true, I ain't married. But ever since I met you, all you ever done is drive me crazy, give me stomach pains, and stick in my head till my brain's about to explode. Cookie.
You know what that means?
Enough, Mucky! Double croaker!
Damn! Oh, Jamie! Oh, Daddy! Oh, James!
Mama!
Jamie, darling, I came as soon as I received the another telegram announcing yet another ridiculous wedding. Now what is going on? Well, it seems I've made some bad decisions, and that's why Mom is here. But first, who are you and why are you bothering my boy?
I'm the top cop in town, and I just found out your son is none other than Brownbeard.
My son? Brownbeard? Oh, for goodness' sake, take a look Look at the boy. Do you think he's really capable of running a multi-million dollar bootlegging operation?
I see your point, but he confessed! You confessed, Jamie?
Well, yeah, I mean, we had the car.
Should I arrest the whole gang?
Is that enough? Not just yet, Chief. Hello, Hans. Father, you know Jimmy's father?
Oh. We're old friends. Ha! We're old lovers. I was young and a bachelor.
And I was young and an idiot. Now speaking of young idiots, Jamie, darling, are you about to marry Max's daughter? Yes. Then thank goodness I got here in time. Exactly! Excuse me, but do you know exactly who your son is marrying? Oh, of course, dear. I saw you on stage once. Couldn't tell if you were dancing or having a seizure.
How dare you! And I'm the one who objects to my daughter marrying into your family? There are 400 cases of gin in your basement!
Oh, face it, Max. Prohibition is a stupid law made by stupid politicians. Oh, Max, you've gotten old and bitter.
You can't speak to me like that! Why, I'm— I'm— a senator, Reverend Judge! A senator, Reverend Judge! And I'm— beyond doubt, Reverend Judge! Beyond doubt, Reverend Judge! And I'm bursting with indignation! Bursting with indignation! And above all else! And above all else! I'm in love with the butler! I'm in love with the butler! So that's it, Chief Arrest Officer Mrs.
James! No, Chief, I can assure you, not my voice! It is not around here.
And why should we believe you?
Oh, Max, I hate to have it come to this, but it's time I told the world your secret.
I love you, great friend. I have no secrets. He's standing right here. Oh, you mean he's—
I'm sorry, Jamie. I should have told you sooner. I just couldn't bear the thought of you being raised by—
Dad? Sonny?
Wait a minute! Daddy, if you're Jimmy's father, Then I was about to marry Rob Bagley.
Oh, this is awkward. But I'm still arresting Rob Bagley! Chief, this is a happy day. I am the good father of a boy. A large, beautiful boy. There will be no arresting! Oh, Jamie, not another wedding! Well, who knows where she is? I think she went back to the boat. You better catch up, though, before she's 12 miles offshore. Mother, you know how I've disappointed you my entire life? Yes. Well, I'm not about to stop now. And before you— don't permit me after this alone! Well, that's just ridiculous.
Max, come! I said come!
Come on, Stella! We're having a party in about an hour! Excuse me. Please. He wants me alone. Yeah, I have a lousy date too, but—
Are you the Eileen Everdeen? Well, yes.
Maybe I should keep my trap shut, but I seen you on stage once. What you did by taking the techniques of classical ballet, putting a modern ironic twist on it, they were a new, perhaps revolutionary vernacular for modern movement. Quite frankly, I find you Billy, wait! Where you going? I'm going back out to the boat. Enjoy your marriage to that dancing dame.
No, no, no, but I didn't marry Eileen.
What? I'm a new man. I no longer care about Mother Peace. Notice how I didn't even greet her all along. Jamie? At least that was the plan. Billy, this is Mother, and I'm his daddy.
What?
Mother, this is Billy Bendix, the love of my life and the best for flaggering business.
A bootlegger?
Oh, oh, I know you don't I'll start disinheriting! Oh, Jamie, shut up! No! For we will live like poor people. We'll draw our own baths, we'll make our own lunches, and we will move to New Jersey. You see, all money is there for us to buy big homes and fancy cars and delicious food. But Billy is worth more than that to me. I'm poor now, Mom. For the first time in my life, I'm happy.
Oh, Jamie, I'm not I'm not going to disinherit you.
Oh, thank goodness, because that sounded awful.
My dear, are you really a bootlegger? And I am ashamed. And why should you be? I'm a bootlegger too. What? Oh, wake up and smell the Irish coffee, Jamie. How else do you think we would be able to afford a 47-room beach house? Not only am I a bootlegger, son. Say hello to the groundhog.
Mama? What? You're the most wanted felon on the East Coast?
That's me. Wow, what a woman. Lady, are you saying that you're my— you're Ross? Yes, I've heard such wonderful things about you, Billy Bendix, so I'd be honored if you would be my son's fourth and hopefully final wife. Wow, I'm so glad I didn't marry my sister. Well, no. Did you just say no? Look, lady, I don't care who you are, I can't marry your son. Whenever I'm near the Joker, I just make one bad decision after another. Oh, my dear, that's what love does. It turns perfectly rational women like us into complete idiots. Take a look at Max here. Oh, he's giant. Charming to look at, he's a Baptist moralist with limited intellectual capacity. He had no choice but to go in politics. But I followed my foolish heart and look what I wound up with— my darling Jamie. And now I need a successor.
Mother, you want me to take over the family business?
Don't be an idiot. I want Billy to take over the family business.
Oh yeah, that's better.
Oh baby, I'd be happy I'm bigger than proud yet.
And son, I would like you to take my seat in the United States Senate. Oh, you know, that sounds like a lot of work. No, it's the Senate. So how about it, my love? I'll be one of the highest-ranking politicians in Washington, and you'll be doing something Let me be the last guy. This is new. And this world would be like heaven.
She'd follow my lead.
Oh, how I need someone to watch over me.
Someone to watch over me.
