Peter and the Starcatcher

Thank you again for coming to this production, and we hope you enjoy Peter and the Starcatcher. When I was a boy, I wished I could fly. Me too! So does— Out the window and into the trees.

Kite in the mountain, light the net, and loop the loop, pin up to the stars. I dreamed about flying all the time.

What?

Girls dream.

Up to the stars. I like that.

Me too.

Eventually, of course, we dream other dreams. We change. Grow up. It always happens. Nothing is forever. That's the rule.

Everything ends.

And so our story begins. Supposing all these planks and ropes are now the British Empire. As we all thought.

And Captain Mike. Mothers, orphans, sailors, pirates, ha!

Tropical kids.

And we use our class to hoist the sails of wisdom since early break of dawn, 1885.

A crucial year in the reign of Her Majesty Queen Victoria. God save her! Who, by her grace, only decided for new Peer of the Realm, Lord Leonard Astley, dedicated minister to the Queen and devoted father to Molly Astley, whose mother flew up to heaven when Molly was 6 years old. In the years that followed, a nanny was employed to care for Molly and provide her with the essentials of young womanhood. While taking her with him on his royal mission, Lord Astor gave Molly a life few girls would normally know.

A life that made her insatiably curious, insufferably bright, and pretty much friendless, that's cool. Friendless?

Friendless? You leave me alone! Orphanage!

The most useless creatures on this earth.

Look at them. Cast out by mothers who can't feed young boys. No mothers that take you off, it's only schoolmasters.

Much as I hate to lose you, Mewble, and you, and you, I won't stand in the way of opportunity. Here's to your trip on ship.

Ah, one trip, one ship, stories and wars in tune.

Oh, boys.

Swill-o'-boys! And so it was, on the brink of a new adventure, That pre-filled the orphans, and Lord Leonard Astor, his friendless Molly, and her nanny Mrs. Bumbrick journey across the Gulf of Corfu, where two trunks are delivered to two ships sharing the very same dock. Two trunks deliberately similar to each other in their trunkness, one of them containing a precious cargo belonging to the Queen of Queen, to be accompanied by Melvin Ashton aboard the Wasp, a spanking new fleet, accompanied by his old school chum, the legendary Robert Bagley, Captain of the Wasp, that is the floatboard frigate, Kingdom of Fundy, and the other truck full of sand, courtesy of me, Bill Sly, Captain of this other ship, the Wasp. You win! The Neverland, a slower ship.

And Lone Lagoon, a merchant ship taking a longer route to London, just to be safe.

And while nobody's looking, I'll mark Queen's Cross, the one that's supposed to go on the boss.

Then at the last— All ashore!

Who's going ashore? I'll switch it up.

Get this conga on board the Neverland, you garbage, and I'll sell these boys into slavery.

Oh, cheer up, lads, you're off to the run too.

Tubby, help us out the cave.

Food for snakes, more like. Trunk aboard, cover the floor.

Nature pours safety vibes.

Why did you? Which is why I hate, I hate, I hate grown-ups.

Stow your cargo, start your plane. I flew, I flew.

Turn that hook in my cabin, you smoked-up cake.

There's snakes on board, talk French boys in my boat.

Raise me, raise me. —my heart. My heart will swell, the voice will be sold, for Southwark's town we go. Southwark's town we go. With everything safely aboard, final preparations are made on the deck of the Neverland. Call all hands, men, the captain from that table top.

Heave away and take flight, let's part from here and part from home.

A squadron of British Navy Men in bright smart uniforms, Lords of Neverland, led by one Lieutenant Regus, ready to accompany Lord Leonard Aster to Her Majesty's vessel, the Wasp.

Captain Scott's compliments, your lordship, but could you join him aboard the Wasp as soon as possible?

A moment. Captain Sledge!

Here, your lordship.

I'm taking the Queen's treasure to run through in a warhorse, but I'm leaving more precious cargo here on Neverland. Guard it well. Mrs. Bonegrave, bring her to me. Molly, my Molly.

Daddy, please let me come with you. I don't like it on this ship.

You're safer here on the Neverland. By the time you arrive in London, I'll have completed my mission and we'll be together again. Daddy, look!

The cat! The ship's cat! A lucky sign. You puss puss.

Molly, don't! It's all right, Daddy.

He's a sweet little puss, isn't he?

Oh, our Molly loves all sorts of little creatures.

Daddy, I know you don't need my help in London, but I've got to start pulling my own weight sometime.

You're all grown up, aren't you?

I am, Daddy. Courage now. Promise? Promise.

Just then a box of boys bursts open. The boy's almost pulled out.

Hanging upside down just over Molly's head. He stares at her.

She stares at him. He doesn't howl about it.

Then look at the boy who doesn't miss much or say a word. Say much about it.

Back in your box, you monkeys!

Something about the boy makes Molly feel like she just grew up with him.

Daughter, a word. There isn't any treasure in the Queen's trunk, and what is in it has to be destroyed by order of Her Majesty Queen Victoria.

God save her! God save her!

I'll have to move quickly before the King of Runnedune even knows I'm there.

But how are you going to destroy Can you keep it a secret?

I can. We can! Quatchi-ber-beet-beet-ber? Bli-kwa? Sorry? Bli-kwa? I think you mean they are speaking in Dodo, a language known only to—

Dodos! And a handful of very special humans. Dodo, a fat clumsy bird, hence the Latin name Dinosineptus. Known for its greedy appetite, snortful face, and sense of entitlement, the dodo was feared as a people and faced no real competition. The eerie mirror of the British Empire and its colonial ventures. Of course, these same traits were responsible for the dodo's extinction. An eerie mirror of the British Empire after its colonial ventures. But that might be another tale.

And you don't ever take it off or let anyone else touch it. You know what's in this amulet, Molly, and you know how to use it if you're ever in trouble.

But what if something happens to you? You need me on the watch.

It's too dangerous. I won't take it.

I want to be a part of the mission.

If you can't be British, you can go straight home and back to school, young lady. This is not a break.

No, please don't send me home. I'll be good, I promise.

Oh, shut the faucet, Molly! Blubbering like a whale when the world is your oyster. Sir, be a woman! Yes, sir. As soon as I'm done in Rome, we'll take a few weeks in Antipodes, sketching rare bird eggs. I might even teach you to speak porpoise. Yes, Daddy. There's my little starcatcher.

Just an apprentice. If I were a starcatcher, I'd be on the Wasp. Say please the word starcatcher. But a cannon has fired from the deck of the Wasp!

Patience, daughter. Keep a keen eye, Mrs. Bulbright. Oh, don't you worry, my lord. We'll be British to the bone. We'll meet again in London, Godspeed. Off you go, Your Lordship, TTFN.

Now, how are you? Ow!

Where are you, you good-for-nothing bucket of scum? Here, lock these two in their cabin. I ain't taking no chance. Now wait just a minute, Jones Fancy! No dainty daughters roam in my deck! Now hop it! With pleasure, sir. The cabin can smell no worse than you.

Can we have kittens with us?

They glare the pussy cat with cats, can they not? Say the word, madam, and I might fetch out bacon for a bonhomme et non, maybe do some petnaborrow. Don't trouble yourself. Come along, good girl.

It's all right, ma'am.

I will see you safely stowed. Thank you, kind sir. No, thank you, kind lady. Your eyes are as green as the sea, and your hair almost swaying. Take me below, sir. Look, listen, ye cowards, if you will cease. Why, ye sneering, letty picaroons, put that choking knife out of him. For every gibbet that slides from us channel, you'll curse the day you were born. So on to Runcorn, ye fungus. There's profitable trade to be made in Runcorn. Well, first class gave to introduce me. Of course, back in my salad days, I was a green girl bringing up rats in big breezy Brompton and Brighton, and that was a tight spot too, and hell on the household help. Oh, especially the kitchen lad, a lovely iron lad who cooked a cunning cannelloni and a pasta fasool to make you drool. Oh, but it made the master mad how the mistress moaned for his manna-cottage. He beat that boy something brutal, but the boy didn't say boo. Point is, we must button our beaks and be brave like that boy, or my name's not Betty Cumming. Now, you might as well fear you'll never clap eyes on your father again, and it cuts me to the core. But you mustn't show that sorry snake the slightest sniff of fear. These men can smell a honey molly. And they will make you pay.

That's too big, Zombey. If you're going to start crying halfway through, beat up a man. Centuated, miss!

Oh, Mrs. Bumbrick, Mrs.

Oh, sorry to hear that. I was wed once.

Dreadful business. Mr. Bumbrick fell off a twig years ago. Left me widowed at 40— uh, 30. Is that food?

I must be hungry. This ain't for no ladies, it's for the pigs down the other end. Pigs? Really? Isn't there healthy feed for them?

Oh, my Molly loves all God's little creatures.

Not these creatures she don't. But don't despair, it's plain old yummy meat in the galley.

I'll scorch you when it's out. Nothing too rich, pray. We girls must watch our waistlines.

Been thinking about getting in shape myself. Um, it's a shape.

Sorry. So true! You're quite the specimen.

No, die, you fatty fries! But luckily my stomach covers them. Best be off.

He's rough, but he's ready. That's how. He smells like you smell. True, but there's a whiff of hero about him. Mark my words.

Left the cabin door ajar. I could follow him and go help feed the piggies. May I, Nana?

Please! Oh, Molly, come back here! Don't make me come after you! Oh, oh, oh, best bring back a bucket before Betty bums my gloves at blooming breakfast! Oh, coming up with a poker, Al. Snake put me on pink duty. Rock plaster.

Coming up in the village, swine.

God save her! Port, you bitch! Which way's Port? The right! The right! The left, you fool! Give me his left! Nice big peed out, you'll remember! Well, if it ain't your three little piggies.

Got your sea legs?

Excuse me, sir, uh, quick question for the captain.

What are you? Be spokesman.

I'm the leader. No, you're not. Yes, I am.

I'm the oldest. I'm the oldest, and I say pipe down.

The door's closed.

What if you update that entrance?

Finally, you're going to want to swallow them down quick. Burp up, T. And he goes, it's a lie. It works. He begged me. What? I won't eat that. Please, sir, is there a vegetarian button?

In my day, piggies weren't quite so popular.

Well, don't hog it all, give me a little one, poetic beaut. Wait, what are you doing? You'll get us a beating. Splay back, you.

I'm holding Mr. or Miss Bessel.

My best respects for a lifetime of seafaring. Never mind him, he's got a real problem with authority. So do I. Look, Dinoworms are strong little boys, but few will breach the pipes till we set you down in London. Um, question, mister.

One, do we have to stay down here in the dark? Does Langham do after King Farrah?

Is the King nice to his helpers? That's true. I've got a sick feeling about this. I'll think of something.

Hey, you, stop! In my experience, boys are sadly slow fingers. What?

What are you? I'm a girl. No way! You saw her, girl. Headmaster's daughter. It was nothing, you know I did it. It was all right. I'm a Barbie! I'm gonna get you! Who's the leader here? Who wants to know?

Molly Astor, Dr. Vittorius back home says I have an extraordinarily high brain power.

If you're so smart, how come you're stuck on this dirt bucket?

I'm not stuck! I'm going to meet my father in Radune. He has important things to do.

We've got important things to do. Now we have! I'm the leader and I say we've got something to do! She's not the leader! You! You!

How old are you? How old are you? I'm 13.

I'm 13.

Wait, I just remembered today is my birthday and I'm 15.

If you were 13 and today's your birthday, you'd be 14. Aye, but we celebrate odd-numbered birthdays. Wait a minute, wait a minute! It doesn't matter how old you are, I'm still the leader. The leader has to be a boy.

Hey, if our intention is to be served proper food, I could lead you there, which would make me the leader.

Babies? Really? Just tell me your names. Why should we? Only that you have names.

Do they serve you meat? Ted! Oh, Ted!

But I call him Tubby because he's food obsessed. You like pumpkin pie, pasta pork, white beans in your blankets, and she bakes at the merest whisper of— get this— sticky pudding. Sticky pudding. It's that good. Like I said, food obsessed. I'm princess, I'm in charge here.

Have you ever noticed, Ted, how the more you claim leadership, the more it eludes you? Snap!

And what do you want? Leave me alone! It's fine, don't take it personally. He's rude to everybody. It's why he gets beaten and why he's got no friends! Go on, tell her your name, Mortens. Hey, what's the matter, face kid? He has a mortal name. It's all been too long to remember. Then keep holding me under one. You and your stupid names, don't bother some stupid girl. I don't need your permission, friendless.

Hey, does it cost you anymore to be nice, charmless? But what about—

Okay, you could be like Temporary leader, but only till we eat.

Fair warning, boy. I shall expose you utterly. As no one had ever shown the slightest interest in him before, the boy's eyes began to sparkle, and the lure of competition seemed to wipe some of the misery from his face. Right, follow me.

Right, follow my fat Molly. That's what I said, follow Molly.

The boy may have wished to be alone, but he didn't really mean it. The scar on his eyes fades, and strange sounds in the dark make him remember the orphanage, make him think about—

Where's that mewl? Yes, sir.

You awful, strange, nasty mewl. Don't look at it, I wish. Filth!

Don't kid me, sir. It says Mr. J. Wilbur. Mewl?

Afraid of his own shadow? Be a man!

Thank you, Mr. Grimkin.

Uncover yourself. Disgrace to the mother that left you.

You watch, or you're next. At the mention of a mother, the boy heard a whisper of a song he could barely remember and saw the shadow of a home he hoped he might have. Father and son, mother and child, and even with so little ground for hope, still he believed. Despite his stress and sorrow that one day such a home will be his. Home. Orphan rule number 1: Life is meant to be horrible. Rule number 2: There are no orphans in heaven. Rule number 3: Mrs. Crook is ugly. Everyone who laughs is dead.

Bubba? Bulbuk! Come on, you! Last chance! We Astors do not leave boys behind.

We shift our attention now to the other ship, bearing due south at a brisk 12 knots.

That fine British frigate, the Wasp!

Where Molly's father, Lord Astor, has been ushered roughly below deck.

Captain Scott's cabin, Your Lordship. Do go in.

It'll be cramped for Captain's quarters.

No frills on a frigate, sir. Sanchez, pull the door to. There's a good fellow.

Where's the Captain, Lieutenant? I'm no lieutenant, sir. I told a lie. Unthinkable. British never lie.

Pirates do! Don't we, boys?

I demand to see Captain Scott.

Oh, why didn't you say so? Presto, Scott! What? Robbie, how dare you!

So release this man!

I'll take the key to that treasure trunk, you'll have to kill me first. We were going to do that second, but I'm flexible.

That's you! He's coming on! A nasty boot! A foul and nasty boot! And what are you playing at?

Pirate, sir. The Wasp is now a pirate ship. Your British crews in chains below.

There have been no pirates in these parts for 100 years. We've been keeping a very low profile. And you're the captain, I suppose? I, sir? Why, sir, you, sir.

No, sir, that's me, sir. That's me, sir, but no captain, I, sir.

You lie, sir. Oh no, sir.

The devil himself's in charge hereabouts. The devil, you say? The Prince of Darkness. Our satanic supervisor. Foul and nasty with a cloven hoof.

How would one identify him in the crowd?

By his legendary cookie duster, that's how.

Best guess?

I—

He's celebrated mouth-brow, that's how.

Does he have a name? The Pirate Captain Maypole.

Blast off! Hello! Oh, to be in England now that April's there. But whoever's not in England gets to see my facial hair. Now you may be wondering, can the fellow before you be entirely evil, can no compassion have greased this furrowed brow? Well, fret not, mon frère, I'm a romantic. There's a poet in these pirate veins, and so I plug into the muse. But what to do? Which style to use? High ambience? Box office poison? High coup? Samurai? I don't think so. What's the musical's name? Hoo-ha! Got it! A pirate scads a ganache, wants the key to the trunk with the cash. Here's some advice, though I seem to be nice, I'll cut you! Slit you open one side and tell me others so you can watch your stomach look around while we're dead. I say, explain to my daughter I'm a bloodthirsty outlaw. I can't work. He still won't give up the key. Well, we haven't got all night, Smee. People have paid for nannies and parking. Very well, I'll do it myself. Or I'm not! I'm not! What am I? They refer, of course, to this. The trademark nose brush of every man, woman, and last child in me family, dating right back to the amoeba. But for us, this face foliage has been, oh, so much more than just a lawn on the lip. 'Tis what we are, and why we are it. And when everyone else got out of the pirate business, the star stuck it out, knowing one day my ship would come in. This is the day. This is the shit! Now, cough up that key, my lord. Not a chance. You Bam-faced tool bag. I don't even know if that actually wasn't— I say, Smeagol, is that my lord's coat you're holding? Looks to me about his size, Captain. What a well-dressed tool bags wearing this season.

So, Colonel Burke, so pretty, Colonel Burke.

Smith, what is it the men call me? Um, Nancy, sir? No, the other thing. Ruthless, sir.

Ruthless, heartless, and fierce.

Guilty as charged. Now give me the key. Never. Playing games is for children, Lord Asker, and I hate, I hate, I hate children! Bring it in, Gomez. It's Sanchez, sir. Just bring it in. The Wasp is now my ship, and everything aboard her belongs to me, including that treasure Victoria thinks nobody knows about. Silly old Queen. God save her! Queen? God save her! Victoria? God save her! Banana? No! Here's two things. When I open this swag, I will single most importantly a significant pirate in the world, the solar system, and other places yet to be discovered in the universe. There's only one thing— The second thing is a dilemma. The Cadillac Escalade of dilemmas, in point of fact. For a little bird tells me your darling daughter is sailing to Windhuis on a safer southern route aboard the naval— The Netherlands, sir. What? The Neverland, sir. It's the same letter, Snee. Navel boat. Neverland. I was pretty close. I was pretty darn close. Splitting rabbits. Hares, sir. Splitting hares. That too. Oh, there it is. I know you love your old Molly above all things. What say we take a quick detour? We pluck her off the Neverland and you can watch her die! Unless you're feeling awaited or a mannequin? Love your locket, but what's in your pocket? Allow me. That intestine chip isn't custard. Here's the key, boys!

My father, he's in trouble!

Why, your neck thing is glowing!

And it's raining! Don't ask me about that!

I can ask whatever I want! I'm the leader! Lay off, Princess. Come on, you have to tell.

All right, listen. My father's going to run Lumen on a secret mission for the Queen.

Molly, you better hide, girl! Shh, down this gateway, keep it quiet! What was it called again? What we ate?

Pork chops, pork salad, and pork belly pie.

Greatest night of my life!

There's more tomorrow if we do it again. What? Pork.

He needs more words. There's a ringing here.

Connecting. No, it's coming from someplace else.

Join us, boys. Get away, boys, don't— Boys! Slinks! Cat flying! We ask you now to imagine a grown cat in flight, spinning in space as if hanging from a string. Of course the boys don't have to imagine it, because there they are, and there is the cat. And that cat is definitely flying.

And those bells are definitely ringing!

And that cabin is definitely glowing!

Glowing, ringing, flying— that can only mean one thing. Star Stuff. Star Stuff. The Queen's trunk must be inside this cabin. All right, move along, nothing to see here.

But that cow— Yes, yes, it was! Tuggy's right! Your night thing was ringing and that cat was totally flying! Hey, you know what would be fun?

How's about we get a tiny story? What's that? Oh, haha, there. Oh my gosh, you poor things.

You've never had a bedtime before. This might sound kind of offensive, but you can't have a bedtime when you don't have a bed.

Right, right, sorry, I didn't tell you what.

You say sorry so easy, like the rock I just smoothed over. No hard feelings and everything's fixed. Oh no, this It's dark, a mass of darkness in the world, and if you get trapped in that cave like us, it beats you down. Sorry can't fix it. We can't say nothing but sorry. When it's night and I'm too scared to sleep, I look through the cracks, you know, between the wood nails over the window, and I see all those little stars that I can't reach. And I think that in 100 or 200 or 300 years, boys will be free, and life will be so beautiful that nobody will ever say sorry again. Because they will have to. I think about that a lot. Well, that's more than he said in the last 13 years. So bedtime stories, not a big priority, okay?

No, no, it's not okay. I'm going to give you one. Like, again, it's the least I can do. Like, um, Sleeping Beauty. Sleeping Beauty. Sleeping Beauty is a good one, you'll like it. There's a kiss in it. True love's kiss? Yuck!

I don't know what that is. Then I'll tell you.

Come on back to the cabin, I'll be mum. Now, the story of Sleeping Beauty. Once upon a time, a beautiful baby was born.

And that beautiful baby had a being bushy and alarmed, and it loved her as she grew up, and they both lived happily ever after. The end. From this day forth, it will be nothing but pleasure pieces in the odd American's cup or meal. Now open and prepare. What is that?

It's Sam, sir.

Sam? Sam? That's impossible. When you say Sam, do you mean the worthless granular material one associates with the water's edge. Yes, sir. I see. You may think a treasure trunk stuns treasure, but my radical BBE said twist. How wrong you are. Though I hoped to be hip-deep in diamonds right about now, They were poor substitutes for what I really craved. A bona fide hero to make me feel whole. For without a hero, what am I? Half a villain? A pirate in part? Ruthless but toothless. And then I saw you, and I thought, maybe. Could it be? Would she, for example, give up something precious for the daughter she loves? But alas, he gives up sand. Now let's see. Hero with treasure, very good. Hero with no treasure, still too involved. No hero and a trunk full of sand, not so much. Now where's my treasure?

What if they swapped the trunks, sir?

Swapped, you say?

How stupid are you? Stupid, stupid!

Yes! Swapped right there on the dike! Check! In which case?

The trunk with the treasures aboard the Neverland!

Destiny check! What do we know about the Neverland? She's a slow ship, Captain. Sadly slow.

And what of our ship, the Wasp? We're fast!

Super fast! Which means we're leagues ahead of her by now, Einstein! Change your course! Hard about! You're behind this swopper, young sir, for I am the Queen of England! God save her! Shut up! I said hard about, fair maid! It's Winchester! Hit the paddle, Critter! I'm Winchester! Burn, Rob Bagley! How could you be treating me like a devil when I'm just dying?! It's true, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Now truce it, the chase is on. The die is cast, the game is afoot, and I'm your fool! I want that treasure, boys! Cast me in Neverland!

And as the princess slept, a thick forest grew up around her castle, keeping everybody out. Everybody but one man. Boys? The prince, right? Yes, the prince, very good. He chopped his way to Sleeping Beauty's room, saw his true love, and kissed her just once, sweetly on the lips. True love's kiss broke the spell. The princess found her prince, and they all lived happily ever after. The ambulance again. Talk to me, Daddy.

With the wasp racing at land speed for the Neverland, Lord Asker clears his mind and tries to reach Mollie.

Daddy, are you there? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Daddy, the Queen's truck is here on board the Neverland!

Not in English, too dangerous!

Oh dear, please don't speak in—

Mum, where will we—

Daddy, not JoJo. May I buy a bed? Parents have come to Parrots?

Rob Bagley!

Parrots have taken over your ship? Well, what genius brought parrots?

Pirates! We've been taken over by pirates! Oh, pirates!

That part of Iceland is so—

Lobby! The vessel is going down on the level land. As soon as we catch you, steer clear of Black's Gash and bring the trunk to me. I will! Don't let me down, daughter.

This is your mission now. Yes, sir!

Thank you, sir! What are you doing?

Sorry, what?

You were talking to your neck thing. No, I wasn't. I know what I saw.

There was a porpoise swimming alongside the ship and it was making those funny noises that porpoises make, and I thought I'd make some funny noises too, that's all.

So you were talking to a fish?

Porpoises are not fish, they're mammals, just like you, or Germans.

Then how come your neck thing blows and rings all by itself?

It's for swimming. I'm a good swimmer. It's a swimming mechanism. Right, swimming, sure.

And what stars love? Decision.

I'm going to trust you.

Why? I'm just a boy. I know, pity.

You like to look at the stars?

Well, there they are. There's so many.

They look safe, don't they? Sparkling up there like diamonds.

I like when they shoot across the sky.

Shoot! Sometimes. Pieces of them fall to the earth, little bits that look like sand. Can you keep a secret? I can. We can. Those pieces are star stuff. The trunk in Slenk's cabin is full of it, and there's some in here too, in case I'm ever in trouble.

Star stuff? Let me see! No, don't!

It changes people when they touch it. How? Different ways, depending on what they want to be.

So if somebody gets their hands stuck on star stuff and they—

or greedy like Genghis Khan, or they're hungry for world domination like Caesar or Napoleon or Anrad. Who's that? Didn't you learn anything about orphanage?

I was kind of busy trying not to die. So if star stuff's so dangerous, why are you after it?

I'm a star catcher. We have special powers that we use in secret to keep star stuff away from tyrants who try to rule the world.

Oh, you mean like the Vittorian?

For safety. No, that's different.

She doesn't need star stuff to rule the world.

She's British. So, you're wrong.

What is it?

A star catcher. There are only 6 and a half of us on the planet.

6 and a half?

I'm still an apprentice.

Okay, so prove it. What?

Go on, amaze me with your special power.

This isn't a magic show and I'm not some magician guy.

I mean, if you can't actually do anything. Fine, fine, whatever. To have an enemy is to have an excuse.

Whoa! Satisfying? So the cat was lying! Come on, I want to fly too like you and the cat!

Get serious, William! The star stuff has to be destroyed!

You want me to destroy it?

Don't be ridiculous, my father's going to throw it in the world's hottest active volcano, Mount Volcano.

Where's that?

Rundu, wouldn't you know it. But the problem is King Zarboth would kill for even a thimble of star stuff.

Hey, I can help! You see, I'm gonna be the king's new helper, so once we get to Rendyrail, just ask him.

You're not going to be his helper, you're going to be his snake food. King Zarboth likes to buy orphans and feed them to his snakes. So, Repkin, lie. King Zarboth III is evil, he's the worst Zarboth yet.

Gorlops always lie, it's all they ever do. You want to help?

Help me get that charm to my father.

You know what? Forget it. Why should I help anybody? What has anybody ever done for me? You! I thought I told you to stay in your great open slat flake! When exactly? That is, Captain Fearslake has drawn the line. I may not be born with a silver spoon up my bum, but that differentiates Jeremiah T.

from others. Ew, that's gross. You blow away!

He ain't going below. He's your groover. Let go! Let me go! Rob promised me he'd The entire fleet asleep. Foolish us in exchange for the drunken mariner cabin.

Strong gusts blowing. Winds hit 34 knots.

I hate rowing. Make like a kitten, boy. It'll take a long time to drown. Borrow the raft. No, no more, please. I can't. Can't what? Swim!

Here I am, boy. All be well. Winds 41. Whitecaps heavy. Crests overhanging.

Shoot off the forward bow. From the cut of her jib She can be gone.

No, what? Aphra! That's her thing. That stroke is my event. I do so like to finish first. I won the most medals at my school. Super darkly proven. Don't think you need to squat. Look, deep breaths.

There we go. Great. You saved my life.

Of course. Why? Because I'm the leader.

But you don't even like me.

The leader can't go around saving Only if that boy knows that there are more important things in this world than saving his own neck. Like what? Like saving someone else's. They figured out I swapped the trunks, they did! We need the Wasp to catch up to us quick!

It's the Wasp, all right, Sally knows. She's the fastest ship. We'll never outrun a frigate, Captain. Well, we can believe we will, that's why. Fiddle in the warp steel! Here's the bridge now, you vile rats! You've all got something in us. You'll have to catch me first. What are you and we will have to starve us! Starve us? That ain't gonna make peas, it's a— Bring me the branding iron! His voice spins the ship's wheel for everything he's worth!

Wind 47 knots! Gale warning!

The ship's wheel careens across the deck and spins out of steam!

Johnny Goodhart lands hard against the grate and draws him to a future with a tiny cabin below!

I waited for love I'm waiting for this I'm waiting for this no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm still in that inn.

Oh, but my Molly, she's been gone ever so long. She's in the sea, sir. Hey, cut the canoe away! I gotta grab the girl. Get it! But you can wait. We need big, big fireballs. Strong gale. Rolly seas, blowy sprays, the Neverland crashes into the waves! Bucking and bearing straight for the lost! Sweeten the choppers and rake the expedients, this wind'll throw waters and the fears in your face! Boy, Speed, do you see what I see?

Oh, the Neverland, sir! She's headed right for us!

Oh, it's too easy, I think I'm feeling all this a bit guilty.

Another wrist!

Up the gunter and prepare to board!

Up the gunter!

And keep the Union Jack flying so Bill Snape thinks we're polite! Oh, so devious!

So very devious! Never learn, who?

Victory is ours! Well, mine! We make 63 knots!

Hurricano! Violent storms!

Visibility gone! All waves! Black stars, red and white ablaze! Butter up, boys, we'll get there any minute now!

But, Steve, we're lost! We've run into British ships!

But that orphan boy's ruined us! Orphan boys ruin everything! Hold on to your ditty bags, boys! Here comes the Wasp! Two ships make towards each other, tiny craft against the violent main! Lord, Lord, just in time for tea! This is your water! Devil's cream! We can't be your voice, you're just so full of plops! Now what? Now! Run up the trolley, Roger! I'm firing! Go back in, Coward! Hello, Neverland. I leave this trolley of films to you, and you, when something of ours Winning 67 knots, that's 200 miles in— Okay, everybody! At 200 miles per hour! Large waves over 50 feet! Disaster! Destruction!

Devastation! You won! You turned us around so the boss can catch us!

Pretty cheeky, huh? Pretty cheeky! Yeah! Awesome! And now there's pirates everywhere!

Good move, Ace! Hey, we did something big, I think. I could do more.

I'm still the leader!

Then help me get that child to my father!

Sorry, not our issue! Never mind, I'll do it myself!

Mrs. Bobbrik! Mrs.

Bobbrik! You're different, you know that? Don't you think he's different? We should definitely wait here, we'll be safer! There are more important things than saving your own neck! Like what? Like helping Molly. Ladies and gentlemen, coming out on this snowy night for our featured belt in this corner, to break the cloud by way of the swans with intimacy issues and their flagging knickers, it's no mother's son, it's romance pal, Phil the Dingus Butt Short! Corner, sporting his famous flavor saver since the tender age of 10, the most fearsome pirate on the pike, all hands on deck for the Black Snatch! This is a one-round knockout match. Kicking, spinning, and gouging is preferred. Hitting below the belt is not required, though fans tend to like it. Now shake hands and come out Take the heart you made me from, the sock is mine, you kiss me! I'll kiss your gills with the French Roaster Roller Coaster Avocato Lebonobo! Which I just got so nice and handsome, see to what? You're me, God's anointed, double-jointed, triple-pointed, banana butt! Why, on your kneesy-easy-peasy-sharbo-easy, butterfrogs! It's all stinger! Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? There he lies, a jumped-up cabin boy who doesn't know his place. Now give me the Queen's Trump, I'll say your goodbyes, you bathtub captain! Crack! The sound of splintering wood, flapping canvas whipped by wind. Crack! The deck is breaking up! That's what it was, our mast broke off! In Neverland! She's split in two! Stem to stern! Falling off! Oh, ship! Ah! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

She's broken up! May the crisis roar! We're saving the Tropic, that's all there is to it!

Oh, you really missed the break! Betty! You and your stupid ship! Very nice. Don't let him smell your beer, Molly. And the hazel. I'll find the hare too. Out of my way, or I will speak strong. Don't ye touch one hair on that woman, lest she spoil yours. Now, Betty, I need your help in this. O, the waves swallowed me in a great drought of sea, and the sharks darkened them with thy people's kisses. Mother, ye left me on the steps of a churchyard parlor, wrapped in a heavy bag of fish and shit, round me neck a goat, offering pills to make to wicked dead well. You're good for nothing fuckers! Stop! Oh, my white knight! Molly O'Foxy, the broom carrying, get to the trunky tower! Release me! Abandon ship!

Abandon ship! Excuse me, check your trunks, son of a —maybe identical to ours. Save yourself! Help, boy! I need more time to make a toast to my father!

Don't worry, you all stole the pirates! Some crazy weather, huh? What are you? What are you?

What am I?

Never heard of you. Liar! The Stash is on everyone's lips. Is that the Queen's trunk you're sitting on? Yeah, Queen's trunk, totally. Molly Astor told me to protect it. From who? Hypocrites like you. Oh, but we have all the fun. You do? Absolutely. A little squash, a bit of buck off. You'll love it more than bread. Do you mean the trunk can join my Avalation, please. The name, but no name. No name? Oh, you're more seasoned than I was, boy. Of course, if you were a pirate, you'd have a proper name. You could do that. I'm the boss, ain't I? How about Bluebeard Bossy then? Long John Larry. I hate it. Oh, we have no bloke from the yard on. We can go in and stay late. Pirate Pete. That's available? Pirate Pete. Good solid name, Peter. Like a rock. That's what you be, boy, my rock. Peter. I like it. Iconic as the moonwalk, Michael Jackson video. Give me the gorilla's trunk. I'm a— what would I do? Star and mine, nasty, cruel. Infamy, calamity, fraternity. You need to connect, boy Peter. You need to connect, Peter. No man is enough before our move. Now give me the Queen's Brunt! Simon, you blew it, scat! The Queen's Throne is safe on the wall! We did it, Molly! We saved the treasure! We saved the world! You're killing my busboy!

To which I say, die! Not again! The boy's gone overboard!

Molly, bring me the trunk! Help! I can't swim! But Daddy, the boy needs help! Molly, this is a direct order! Bring the trunk to me! But this trunk's full of spoils!

Where is Peter? Peter! I got him! Me too!

There's an island!

Peter, ride the trunk to the island!

Molly, go! for beyond the great sun rays we must fly.

Grab a spar, Mrs. Mumford, grab a spar!

What's a spar?

There is no time to argue and we can't see where we are.

Oh, the wind is like a whip! Take my hand, I beg and shake! But my Molly, oh my Molly, what a bloody awful trip! Will you wait? Will you wait? I feel a man, I feel a man! Then you speak, carry me, and all the yarn I've wrapped you Even in the churn of seas, still am I the captain's mate. And if I return, I fought for one for all and all for me. I'm the leader, now we know, yes I am! You were once a cat, be a leader now. I might have been, you were once too. Come on, take the jump together! If we combine, we might destroy the badtoather.

Somewhere out there, search for him. Dive for the asteroid that swims.

Swim on against the current. Swim on against the sea. Though the tide may turn against you. Though too strong the tide may be. But we stroke Though his brand be sharp as agony, we'll try till we can free from war to clamber up the nearest shore and fall upon our knees before the truth that sets us free. Follow that trunk, Smee.

Get me to the island. Get to the island, Peter. Don't let that trunk out of your sight.

Swim on against the current. Swim on against the sea. Though the tide may turn against you, go too strong as I may be. Hang on to your hearts and let it slice it through. Spray it on. Swim on, swim on. Swim on, swim on, swim on against the current till your courage brings you home to your stand on the land. Save me, Lord. There will now be a—

And you may think now they've gone too far.

But something we should not have exposed to.

We got too close to by swinging out of his rut and they are way gone.

And it was a star from the sky that made this lovely dish before your eyes. Now since our fingers human stars Because of Star Stuff, we smile. And it was nice of it. From above, it gave us nets, it gave us texts, brought us to life. Oh, how we see though And every day springs because the stars love we sing.

I was a flounder yesterday, and I am now a cod. It wasn't pleasant, but it was so cool.

<LYRICS>Therese of Astorga, get to that Therese, get to her, break the old conventions of the tradition, let the codes all stop. May Therese appear, may Therese appear, may Therese appear.</LYRICS> It makes you what you want to be. Sure. Is that you, Molly? Wait, Molly, wait! Shh! No, you're not supposed to sleep. You're supposed to be guarding the truck. What if you came? I did what you said, Mum. Dragged it right to the mountain. Nope. No Molly. So bright. Molly. No, that is— that must be the sun. I feel you, sun. And check it out, space, light, air. I'm finally free. And I'm going to have freedom, whichever I want. Whoa, hey, bird. What's up? Me? Well, let's see. Save the world, got a name. Not too shabby. I just— I wonder if Teddy and Princess made it off the ship before I sank. I mean, how rude. Please let them be okay. But we should make a pact. I don't leave you, and you don't leave me. Deal? No! Come back! I don't want to be alone! Come back! Hey, fine. No morning, no Teddy, no Princess. Yes. So what? This is perfect. Nobody's out there. Maybe the stick. Nothing between me and the sky. I can just be a boy for a while. That's all I ever wanted anyway. I've got to get out of here. Oh, sorry. Did you want to be announced? No, stay with me. Good answer. Thank you. You ready for this? Teddy floats! Yeah, yeah, yeah! The two of us, we jump overboard, I held on to him, and the two of us bobbed all the way here. I don't know, it's pizza. Smalling? Whatever. The whale there, he's still in one piece. Oh no, I see where this is going. Where's the mother? Above him. Her name is Molly, and she probably drowned. She jumped off the ship to save— she's like a real swimmer. I think she may be made to the wasp, or maybe she's floating almost to the Neverland. Ride this wreckage, Romeo, get to shore and make it fast.

What speed might we accept?

Oh, I'll end up in China drifting like this, and I can no move from this I tried it once and it went through me like the winter wind in Wessex. How bad is the jungle? I say we wait for her up here. No, don't be like the jungle. We'll find some branches down the beach. At some point we're going to need something. Branches. What we need are branches. Oh, branches, branches! Guys, got to jump for branches and build a raft, you know, so we can get to the boss. Once we get to the boss, Molly's father will have to take us. Where? Oh, now everybody in here, what time do you leave school? Clear? Bristol? June? Yeah, 'cause perspiration's the mark of true leadership. Are we good? Yes! Get that head lean side. Yeah, that's it. Press, give me that. Press this. Spread this and that. Head lean, hold the other foot. Head lean! Go, let's go, race everybody! I'm scared, he's talking! I can't hear things! Help! Gorillas! Hello, who is that? It's me, sir! What's in a foyer? Happy Wednesday! Where? The police are chasing me! Who is that? What's up? Give me your feet! I'm right behind you! And I want that trunk! Do you want some tea? And a biscuits meal? I'm gonna find you! I'll find you, Ted! Keep heading down! I'm swimming speed!

Which way is down?

I'm just kidding, guys! You hear me? Hungry pizza? I want that treasure! Hungry pizza! I want that treasure! Hungry pizza! I want that trunk!

Well, class swimmer that we know me to be, I made it to the island in record time. I'm awfully glad I saved my boy, even if Daddy is furious. Saving the whole world's a bit abstract for a 13-year-old, but putting a human face on it makes it more jolly. Ugh, this training bra is so irksome. Now I really must fetch Daddy's trunk and bring it back to the beach, or my first ever mission will be my last. Don't worry, Peter, wherever you are, I'll find you.

Hello, I am chief of this island and you boys are my prisoners. You three will do nicely. You speak English? If I must. But you're savages! We Mulluks are no savages. I know where savagery is, boy. When I was a man, English landed here, took me to your islands in chains. Long years I worked as kitchen slave in not so great city, until one day by kindness of fate, a shipwreck brought my father back to our island. Yes, in your language, My name is Fighting Prawn. This is my son, Pogging Clam. Woo woo, tobacco! My son shall wear this hat once worn by my brutal British master. For years I was his kitchen slave. He beat me with love, but I was brave, and one day put him in his grave with a plate of poisoned pasta! Come, it is time. Uh, time? Feeding time. Feeding time, finally! Not where you eat, little boy. Where you are eaten. You must answer to the law. The law of Mr. Cream. Uh, who's Mr. Cream? We worship him, and he protects us from foreign invaders. Troublemakers. Come now, we feed you to vicious crocodile. Wait, please don't feed us to any crocodile. First, take us to Mr. Grinch. Crocodile is Mr. Grinch? Basta! Wait, wait, we can give you a great gift. Anti-basta! You said a gift. Yeah, a story. Right now we'll give you a bedtime story. Sleeping Beauty. A Sleeping Beauty? Surprise! The thing was, why not normal again? Maybe they will too and we can get out of here. We give you a story, you let us live and leave your island. Deal? Okey-dokey, but if I am not entertained, it is Mr. Grief for all of you. Assume the position. You have 1 minute. Doc, why are you kidding? What am I supposed to do with 1 minute?

I'm not trying to bore you.

Bring me the holy relic of my captivity. Mighty Bob, the kitchen timer. Your minute starts now. One at a time. What? Upon a time? That's how they always start. Upon a time. Upon a time. Tick tock, tick tock, hungry Mr. Big. Hey, once upon a time, there was a beautiful baby princess. I believe her witch was a cat. And the curse was very terrible, for every time the baby cried, the whole kingdom would fall asleep. And Beauty was enabled. So the king marched over to his favorite horse, and he rode to the tallest tree, and he climbed up to talk to the wise old owl. Now, the king, a real leader, sort of like me— Focus, piggy boy! Boy, sticky pudding. Sticky pudding, it's so good. I'm sure the princess is old enough to talk. Hi, I'm 16, I'm beautiful, and I'm in the market for something long-term. But nobody could stay away from opening up the kiss cup, and everybody got so sleepy all of starting. And that's the story of Sticky Pudding. Say guilty! That is not the end!

They missed the whole emotional arc of the story!

Goody, another English! Where'd you come from? And your minute is up. You should have You abused the concept of a theatre collective.

It was too much for me. Although, Ted was my talent.

Hey! I have talent! Marty! They lied to me! They all made me feel like a talent! What's so funny? You— you caught her! Marty! Well, that's my name!

Marty!

In our language, Molly, Molly means squid poop. Entertain, mighty father. Yes, first prize, you got me with squid poop. Two thumbs up, two thumbs way up. See, let us live, right? That was the deal, which is so great, see, cuz, cuz you need us. Yeah, yeah, we can do all the things you guys don't want to do anymore. We're foreigners. That's what we're for. Nice try, but the law is the law. All English must die! Such life and death decisions are generally made by the English, not for the English. Worse yet, the walls of Mr. Brim's cage are very high, too high for any boy or girl to climb, too dark to see the crocodile in front of your face, and those hard things the boys are sitting on, they feel like bones. All in all, it's a bad day to be British. Bad? I hope that was your stomach. I want to get home. What? No, they made a deal with us and they lied, just like they always I hate grown-ups. Francis, do something! You're the leader, have a plan! Heat the kitchen timer and leave us alone! This is all your fault, Wally. Making me feel like this big man who's gonna save the world. Well, I'm not a big man, and I can't save anything.

It's a good time for a hissy, Peter. You failed, so you try again. My father always says—

Then let him save us! I should have given the trunk to my father.

Then he'd have all the stuff.

Mother, you idiot. She's cracking up.

No, maybe she has a plan. No, I do not have a plan.

Eyes! Look at the eyes!

This amulet is my plan. The source from inside is my plan. So, you with us, boy, or is it stop and die?

I'm with you. I'm with you. Good.

It's a better team if you want it, Peter. Here it comes!

Now, Peter, get the cup away! The ringing of bells fills the air and Mr. Brim begins to coom, gurgle, and grow bigger every second. Giant mouth, giant teeth, giant appetite. Until the crocodile shatters through his bamboo enclosure and everyone Leviathan. So basically I'm thinking, let's get out of here. You're the stinking English! You ruined that I thought! English ruin everything! We captured, we killed them! What you want? Yes, just keep Peter Boy and little Miss Quincey for me, then I will butterfly and keep that fry! Butterfly and keep that fry! Butterfly and keep that fry! Butterfly and keep that fry! Send me down to his flat. I can't do another step.

That trunk is hard to find, Captain. So it is.

Elusive as the melody in a Philip Glass opera.

Rest yourself a while, else me, I'll track your tracks so low.

Negroni! We'll trick the human spawn and make them bring it hither. But how to do it?

How to smell them out?

We can lower them, Captain. Lower them, you say? Stupid artist! You stupid, stupid— Your best guess, right down here to the butt. Speech! Speech! In which case, we shall need—

A magnet! A really big magnet!

That'll attract her! It's me. I know you all love Rob Bagley's— Sweetie, you've been in the free bean choo-choo circuit. Captain! I've got it! Oh, Captain! Well, that'll permit you to save all your colleagues, please. Captain, stop! A siren song is what we need, and you're going to be the last siren, good shrimp. Whoa, big frog! He's chewing on the scenery, Captain! Not on my scenery. Cut the theatrics, reptilian ham. I have a plan. Oh, a rabbit's spleen! Save! I better be saved! Grab anything that looks like it will float.

We're getting out of here. No, first take me to the trunk. Remember the mission.

Forget the trunk. The trunk is safe.

It's not your decision, Peter. Protect the trunk.

That's the mission. No, don't go away. Don't you— What is that? Oh, blinking fears! Father!

Father! Oh good, he's signaling me all the way from the water. What's it mean? It's Norse code! He's using Norse code, everyone!

Oh, sorry, I think you mean Morse code.

Not Morse code, Norse code from Norway, the ancient Viking signalman system.

That's ridiculous.

What's he saying? Unless I miss my guess, he's saying, "Marlbelle, Fernsey, Wayne, Verna." Then he says, "Get to Molly Doozy Wingen." That's first take Molly into the trunk. That's remember the mission. Very convenient. That's take the trunk down to the beach. Daddy will be in there with the longboat. We'll be safe if we can just get past the pirates and make it to the beach. Okay, maybe not straight.

I feel quite stupid not knowing your region.

It's not a contest, though if it were, I would win.

I'm the running girl, really fast, better than me.

But you're a better leader. Really? No. Come on, take it.

The walrus!

The walrus! The walrus!

We have to outrun them! Take your boys with you, not get them all to follow me!

Get back, Francis! That's what's happening! I'm not leaving you!

Afraid I'll beat you to the top?

As if! Bravo, Peter!

Over here, walrus! Come and get me! Bounding through the jungle and up the mountains, Peter's thoughts are only about outrunning the natives. Trying to catch the frightened prawn, and the farther he runs, the further he gets from the terrible beast! The boarded-up terrace, snow and guilt and the dark in between.

And the further he runs, the more that he smiles.

For saving the others and being the leader.

Dancing and jumping and practically flying. Peter feels something entirely new. A lie.

All of a sudden, cracking his head. He's hurt my face, Mo, I can't see where I'm going.

And that's when he misses the ledge and falls.

Falling!

Down and down. He bumps and bruises, leaving the natives with no one to chase.

Fending and buffeting down a deep crevice as gravity beckons.

And poking a finger and leaking an eye. And Peter falling forward big time.

And rushing up to meet him is a solid sheet of glass. Splash! His boots have fallen broken, and note his neck not like glass at all, but by a shivering lake of cold water far, far from the ground.

Peter should have been drowning, he should have been afraid, but he was neither drowning nor afraid. Peter hopped to the surface safe as you please. And began to get his bearings.

And the water was thick like oil and gold and warm like a rich man's bath. And looking down fondly at Peter was— Oh, Muhammad!

Well, well, nice of you to drop in. I'm the teacher. That's what I'm called. Yes, I speak English. I know your name is Peter, I know a lot of things.

Where am I? In a hurry. That's right, I was running away from the lawless natives. They tried to kill us and we just wanted to get home. Yeah, life is complicated. We were going to build a raft. You don't need a raft to get home.

You don't even need the walls. All you need is Star Sky. Don't you dare! I'm not— When you broke in front of the the island seawater seeps inside. Then the seawater dissolves the star stuff. Then the water attracts the fish in the wake of itself. Then the waves— Listen, teacher! Then the waves wash the water right into this grotto where I was swimming.

So you used to be a fish?

Scotch salmon. This is way cooler, FYI. The star stuff will change you too.

It makes you what What if I just want to be a boy for a while? Can't I just be a boy?

Well, I suppose once you've sitted the Starstone— Yeah, then what? Sky's the limit! You can even fly yourself home, maybe.

Just like a dream.

Find a family. In which case, you're gonna need something. A name. Instead of Peter. In addition to. A family name. And— We've come up with a good one, haven't we? And in the grotto, or in the water, or both, a voice, or an echo, or both, seems to answer. "Hi." What are you, boy?

I'm Peter. "Hi." Hi? You mean like in the kitchen? You're just too cute!

Pan actually means two things. The first is fun, frolic, anarchy. Okay, I'm King of Pan. Sit. You're changing already.

You said pan means two things. What's the other one?

Shouldn't you be on your way?

Molly's gonna beat you to that pub.

Molly! Winners! Yes, we beat him to the top! We came in first, and I will make that very clear when he gets here. If he gets here. Of course he'll get here.

He has to. Face facts, Molly. The native's got to him, and I feel terrible. We all feel terrible, but Peter's out of the running, which means we can We finally settled the question of what, for a better word, what might deem leadership. Crows are flying tonight.

Is that a red dot on the horizon? Maybe it's our own genius! Woohoo! I'm lost behind!

My bloomers have stood up to stronger winds than this. Full speed ahead!

Well, let's say it.

That's good.

I wish Pete were here. No, first get the trunk down to the beach. Now move it. The night that head apprentice spent dragging the trunk down the mountain was worse than any night in the orphanage.

Because the rain here isn't like the rain in England. It falls like stones and hurts your head. And you can't see. Because there's trees. In front of trees. And trees smacking your face.

And you can't breathe.

From the bugs, and the beetles, flying, crawling, digging, crunching, and they're in your mouth, and up your neck, and down your front, so you take cover and wait out the storm, but you can forget about sleep because it's really scary up there and there's a trunk to save, and you still have to reach the beach.

I said forget about sleep. Teddy?

He's barked out. Peter? He's growled! You won't believe the most incredible I meant this.

Right, well, it's good to see you, Peter. Shall we wake the boys?

It's been kind of a long day. Leave them be. So just us then? Yeah, just us. We should open the trunk, check to make sure the star stuff's okay. No, that's not—

But they're gonna sit in it. It's very dangerous. Exposure does so much of it.

I don't care. No, I do.

I was so worried. We waited and waited, and I told them you'd come. We waited. The rain and the dark.

I was so worried. I'm here.

Do you think I've changed? You're dead yet.

So, I'm here to ask you about the thing you did. What thing? The kiss. Okay, the kiss. What kiss? The kiss. The one you gave me. Oh, the kiss. What kiss, you say? Well, what about it? It's just that nobody's ever wanted to kiss me.

Wanted to? I didn't want to. We were about to.

You were sitting there and you grabbed me.

For heaven's sake, stop it. Didn't you like it?

No, but it was—

You didn't like it? You didn't like it and now you're telling me you didn't like it? Unbelievable.

I'm not saying I didn't like it.

What are you saying?

I guess I'm just saying— I guess I'm asking you.

No, stop that right now. I won't answer any such question. You're inclining towards the sentimental, and well, that's all well and good for a boy. Inclining towards what? But we girls can't afford to be sentimental. We must instead be strong. When I marry— Marry?

You thought I was asking you!

Not you, you swot. There you go. When I marry, I will make it very clear to that person that sentimentality is not on the calendar. He will have to love it or leave it. And should he leave it, I'll stay spinster and pin back my hair and volunteer weekends at hospital. I'll love words for their own sake, like python and hootily and onyx. I'll have a good old hobby. I'll think what I like. Be a part of a different sort of family or friends, you know, who understand that things are only worth what you're willing to give up for them. Even if I may have, in the face of death— wanted to— I didn't say that.

Point. Good. Well, I think that, um, now you're here, I might just rest my eyes for a minute. No, Molly, no! The leader has to be up! Where's Peter? Oh, the molluscs got him. Remember? He stabbed his son. What's for breakfast? Did he say the sun?

But if you can see the sun coming up— If you can see the sky at all— We must be very near the beach.

Come on, boys, we've made it!

Come to me, ye shipwrecked saints. Look here, ye waves tossed away, there's cool water. Sailor boy, keep sailing near me. Closer now, so's you can hear me as the ship breaks to bits. Plan C. Speed. Poison croquet pranks. Plan B. Speed.

Why it's made of it. Just a silly one, Matey, matey. Plan C. Speed. Molly. Oh, Mrs. Bulbrane. Oh, Mrs. BulbranE. Oh God. Broken is more like it than granted. By the men's rosary left the ruffians. But sentimental psychoanalysis. No, simple is best. We go to Plan B: the poisoned fruitcake. The Havelrats arrive, empty beaks, tempted morsel, maybe unknowingly a fatal pill. They eat it, they die. Let's kill us some kiddies.

So nasty, so very nasty.

So hungry, so very hungry. Look, there's the longboat!

Where's Daddy?

Food, kid, get your tasty food, kid! Oh my gosh! Yes! No, I don't!

You're a mustache! My father will have your guts for garments!

Ew! Plan C, speed!

Poison croquet, perhaps?

No! Plan B, speed! Why? It's bigger bits! Just a silly one! Maybe, maybe. Plan C, speed! Molly!

Oh, Mrs. Bullray! Mrs. Bullray!

Oh, one croquet is more like it! They're grabbed by the men closer to the left. Don't grab me yet! Alfmaus values heroic ruffians. How dare you! We are no ruffians.

Why, we've never even been to Raffia!

I don't care what you are, sir, I assure you. What I am? I'll tell you what I am. Thank you, sweetie. It is my full intent to kill this woman until she is dead, and Alfred too, unless you give me the Queen's trunk.

Stay right where you are and I'll see it goes easy for you with my father.

Your daddy's not around, dearie, and there's more of us than there are of you. There's more of us than anybody!

Come on, you two!

No English, fool! Frawney? Frawney, is that you? Betty? The mistress wants more of your manicotti and apostolozool to make you drool. Betty, tell me it is you. This woman only English kind to me when I was kitchen slave. What? Oh, oh, be a prince. Prawnies, let no lass loose. Since you are English, I will choose my words carefully. No. But Prawnies, you English invaded our island. Now most law is all for Kasha.

But because of the contents of this trunk, Your Highness, release my father and we'll take the trunk off the island. Nature restored and the mollusks live happily ever after.

Happily ever after my kabole life. You, kitty cat! Give me the Queen's trunk or I slit the Sabbath's throat! That's a terrible choice! I have a sacred duty! Take your time.

I'll count to 3. 3! 3!

3! What's that? An echo! Echo! Echo! Excellent effect. The Starseed's cunning! Cunning! Cunning! The Starseed's beguiling! Beguiling! Beguiling! The Starseed's superhuman! I don't think so. You, me, Peter Pan. He's alive! Mr. Harry, Peter, check the label extra. And so we arrive in the belly of the beast. What am I doing? I'm sorry, please don't hurt me. I'm just a nauseous little kid. I'm not responsible. Is he crying? Seriously, are you crying? Ah, my hand! Help me! Right here. Yes, thank you. Lookie-loo, a baby koala! Koala?

Oh, that is so cute!

Unfair! Say your goodbyes, my dear. Wait! Don't you want the trunk? No, Peter, don't! Shh! Are you with me, guys? We've got to save Mother. She's more important than some trunk. Even if I never get home. Are we quite done with all the hugging and the learning? Decision. It's a better world to be born in. Now let her go! Do you note that, Smee? Do you see it? Genuine heroic sacrifice.

Inspiring, Captain! I've got goose flesh all over.

Poor Smee, how flat and uncomfortable life must be from the deck of HMS Cynic. No! You take your 80 pounds and live to see another day.

My first ever mission, and I've wrecked it.

Open it, Smeagol. Open and elaborate. It's— Bollocks to it. I don't like it. Fuck it.

Do we detect a pattern here?

Tell me, the linguist among you, what's the What do you mean?

Empty! Captain, the trunk's empty!

So it is. Clean as the sheets in a convent. Empty? It can't be empty!

After all this time?

Where's my treasure?

The seawater got in, it must have dissolved.

Dissolved? Moose nuggets!

Gold and diamonds don't dissolve!

But star stuff does! Set right, Ted!

Well, actually, there were a lot of elephants. Starbucks.

Shh, shh, shh. What Starbucks?

Doesn't matter now. Nobody can get his hands on it.

Nobody gets what he wants. Enough of this nonversation! See, this is why I hate, I hate, I hate the nun! Retreat. You. You sacrificed willingly for the sake of a gift girl. That was majestic. You beat the par. What say you we merge? A forge. Oh my God! Oh my God! No! Wait!

Come, sir! And you are? It's me, sir! Your right-hand man!

Not anymore, not anymore. There's no small part to this.

Oh, Captain, my Captain!

Crocodile tears. Oh, Pine, if you would, what am I to do now?

Don't sob!

Stop it! You're stopped! Well, it's all about you, isn't it? Selfie, selfie, selfie! I said not me, sir! Then go and treat me. I'm not giving my hand to get these children a paw.

Retreat!

You! You sacrificed willingly for the sake of a gift! That was majestic! You beat the Peridot Clan. What say you? We merge or forge?

Forge or merge!

Thank you, sweetie. Picture it, Pete. The ultimate pirate and his worthy opponent.

Molly fights better than me. I run faster too.

And I'm sure your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but I am a soft, little stick-up. Consider the possibilities, Pam. Foes forever. Adversaries forever. I'm talking books, movies, Broadway, high school. But you just tried to kill me. Don't you get it? You're my hero. Me? You're the Yin to me Yang, the Sammi to me Gollum, damn it, boy, you're the wind beneath my clipped wing. Jesus. Thanks to you, I am reborn. The complete villain. Forget good. Time. Time will be our treasure. We'll fight for all eternity. With a couple more? Only if my friends go free. Oh, bravo! Bravo, Snow! Everyone give Pan a round of applause! This is an emergency. Just a little help's needed. No, this is all your doing, you little saphead. You single-handedly rendered me single-handed. You cut your hand off, not me. Oh, pity the child who lives in a backfist world. You may think my ship has sailed, but I have an armada of options at my former fingertips. I may never be a concert violinist or a reliable tug-along, but I can still win Wimbledon, and I can still destroy you. You've made your bet, Pat. Come on, get the hook! North, north, west, enormous ticking clock!

Crocodile back for another snack?

Upstating me still, you snapperty show-off! Just not today. Wait a minute, I could use a killer croc on the crew. Bring the beast along, Spleen.

How am I to lure him?

Give him the hand. Wait, better make it last. Just give him the finger. Adieu, Pans. But remember this: Wherever you call home, keep your back to a wall, because just when you least expect it, there I'll be, the starch right under your nose. Can I— if you believe—

Daddy, take the pistol safe. Why, you fight good, son.

Fighting with blood upon the mask. You shall wear hat of hero, and I shall bend upon the sultan, allow all English to leave the island. And you be good to Betty, or I will serve you up our dinner table.

We made plans for —die, my dear, on bended knee, and Mrs. B.

said, "You bitter!" Oh, Betty Bombwick is bound for frightfulness! Aye, the HMS Bombwick may have a few barnacles on her bottom, but I'll scrape them off! Don't speak, dearie. Oh, Ronnie, TTFN! Talk often now. Or in my language, "Chirimassu!" Chirimassu! Chirimassu!

I am Captain Archer, and I invite you to set my sights on the South Pole.

Yes, Archer? On my name's blood, Robert Falcon Scott.

Jump to the locker! Good luck, Captain! Don't let the Norwegians beat you to it.

Never mind the little girl, move Britannia! Not a little girl, a full-fledged shark!

Oh, I am still a captain, just like my wonderful father!

She deserves it, sir. Molly's the real hero.

Thanks, Peter.

Mission fulfilled, we're heading home.

No, come with us! Come, let's hurry! Come, the boys can come home with us!

Mother! I told you! And teacher said all we needed to get home was star stuff. How wrong! Who? Who's teacher? This tricked-out mermaid. Well, No, she wasn't a fish, but she swam in the water, and now we're carrying her away. What water? The water with the golden water. Did you go in that water? Yeah, it was great, all warm and tickly. Star stuff, and he's soaked in it. We can't do this.

But it's already dissolved in the waves.

The waves that turn fish into mermaids? I'm sorry, Peter, we can't take you with us. Why?

What did I do? What's with the evil old green man here? We don't know what to do.

But what he wants to be. But I just want to be a boy for a while.

That's all I ever wanted. There, you see?

But Starstuff, a while could be a very long time. But I'll be good, I promise.

But a boy deserves a home. Of course he does.

Wait, that old man who made him stone. Peter, what if your mermaid was right? She wasn't, and neither are you. grown-ups always lie. It's all they ever do. I thought she said Starstuff was all you needed to know. To get home. But here I am. Precisely. Did she say anything else? She said I needed a family name, and she gave me one. Pan.

Pan as in all, probably. All? Your family name, understand?

The whole island.

All the ants on the beach, all the birds in the air, the mermaids, the mollusks, the pirates, and the boys of course, especially the boys. They're all your family.

How does that make you feel? Like I'm finally out of the dark. There's a name for that feeling, Peter. Home. And here you are, and here you'll stay. Yeah, totally, me too, count me in. I didn't want to be alone.

No, no, no, no, this is just so unacceptable. We asked this to not be What's that voice behind?

That crazy man again! What do you want? Leave me alone! Stop! Don't tell us that, though. You're going to need something to protect you. Now, it seems to me if we take the last of this plaster, like so, and stir vigorously— I think it's anti-clockwise. Peter, lend a hand with the brain. Just like so. Wizard! Oh, where? Come in here. I can totally do that trick. Ted, don't eat it! Nice to know I've still got it.

If you really wanted to protect him, you'd take him with us. Tide's going out, my lord. I'm afraid it's time for goodbyes. Dear Norman, here's my address in London. I'm not saying you have to write me every day or anything, just when you feel like it.

You know my address. Mollie Island. Mollusk Island. Or maybe I'll call it Neverland, you know, to remember. House of Hero. Wherever you get home to. To remember.

Molly, now tie both wings.

I want you to look after Prince Wait 5 more minutes, please. A story. Come on, Mommy, tell me, please.

There'll be other times, won't there?

Please, she wants to stay. She can't. But I don't want it to end soon. Peter, you'll forget. It won't hurt anymore.

No, it's supposed to hurt. That's how you know it meant something. This isn't the end. You're going to remember everything, every single detail.

And you're a better Really? No.

Come on, you won't stay mad at me forever, will you?

Go on, get lost. It's just, I'm bound to grow up, you see. What would we do? Be friends.

In a year that'd be hard. In 5 years it'd be silly.

In 20 years it'd just be sad. You sound older already. The thing you did against the impossible odds, it's what the two of you will always have. Thing we did.

Against impossible odds. Yes, I wanted to. Peter walked the walk, it's small and it's cold, wondering about his adventure, about Smollett, about that kiss.

It was the only moment in his life when Peter Peter would teeter at the top of that rolling coaster, on the verge of becoming what he always hated: a grown-up. And then, as promised, he began to forget and stayed right where he was: the outsider.

Molly, true to her word, would remember everything until late one night, many years later. She stared out the nursery window as Peter She flew off with her daughter in tow.

Miss Rona Molly would comfort her new nanny. The good old dog who tended her children.

Don't worry, Nana darling. I always hoped if Peter came to visit that my daughter would take my place. And once Wendy grows up—

I hope she will have a little girl. A little girl who will go off with her in turn. So may we go on and on, dear Nana, as long as children are young and innocent and rude and juvenile in heartless past all the jostles of life till we fly back home.

Home? Help!

This bird fell! He is chasing us! I am getting frightened! It's crowding me in my grave! Hey, lady here! I'm the one you want! That's too— why? Okay, okay, cool, Tara. I think— yeah, yeah, I think she wants me I'm going to race you to the grotto. Look! Star sliced him! Oh no! It's hard to believe you're still single. Wait, how am I supposed to race him to the grotto if I don't run? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I can what? What'd he say? What'd he say? To have faith is to have wings. Wait a minute, did you say Grotto? How would you like to just be a boy for a while? It makes you what you want to be. A lawyer? Guys.