Peter and the Starcatcher MDT 2019

Oh, I get it, I get it. He's playing as a pineapple. Production, so for the actor and your safety, please keep the aisles clear. There will be a 10-minute intermission. Please help support the Liberty High School Drama Club by purchasing concessions.

Thank you again for coming to this production, and we hope you enjoy Peter and the Starcatcher. When I was a boy, I wished I could fly. Me too! So does— Out the window and into the trees.

High as a cloud and lighter than air. In loop-the-loop and up to the stars. I dreamed about flying all the time. What? Girls' dreams.

Up to the stars. I like that.

Me too.

Eventually, of course, we dream other dreams. We change. We grow up. It always happens. Nothing is forever. That's the rule.

Everything ends.

And so our story begins.

Supposing all these planks and ropes are now the British Empire.

And we are Lords.

And Captains. Mothers.

Orphans.

Sailors.

Pirates. Ha! Tropical Kings.

And you, dark hearts, the hoist the sails away from us this early grey dawn, 1885.

A crucial year in the reign of Her Majesty Queen Victoria.

God save her! Who, by her grace, only just knighted the new Peer of the Realm.

Lord Leonard Astor, dedicated minister to the Queen and devoted father to Molly Astor, whose mother flew up to heaven when Molly was 6 years old. In the years that followed, a nanny was employed to care for Molly and provide her with the essentials of young womanhood. While taking her with him on his royal mission, Lord Astor gave Molly a life few girls would normally know, a life that made her insatiably curious, insufferably bright and pretty much friendless, that's cool.

Friendless?

Friendless if you leave me alone!

Orphans, most useless creatures on this earth.

Look at them, cast out by mothers who can't feed young boys. No mothers are taking orphans, only schoolmasters.

Much as I hate to lose you, Mewble, and you, and you, I will still stand in the way of opportunity.

Here's to your trip on ship. Uh, what trip? What ship? Sorry, I wasn't to—

Boys, willows!

And so it was, on the brink of a new adventure, that three guilty orphans and Lord Leonard Astor, his friendless Molly, and her nanny Mrs.

Bumbrake journeyed across the docks of Portsmouth, where two trunks are delivered to Two ships sharing the very same dock. Two trunks deliberately similar to each other in their trunk bits.

One of them containing a precious cargo belonging to the Queen. To be accompanied by Lemon Askin aboard the Wasp, a spanking new frigate.

Accompanied by his old school chum, the legendary Robert Bagley. Captain of the Wasp. That is, Lord—

And the other trunk full of sand, courtesy of me, Bill Sly, captain of this other double. You wish! The Neverland, a slower ship. And low in the blue.

A merchant ship taking a longer route to Mundun, just to be safe.

And while nobody's looking, I'll knock Queen's foot The one that's supposed to go on the watch.

Then at the last—

All ashore!

Who's going ashore?

I'll switch off. Get this trunk on board the Neverlandia garbage!

And I'll sell these boys into slavery. Oh, cheer up, lad.

You're off to the run too.

Tubby, help us over the cave.

Food for snakes, more like.

Drunken boys, come on aboard! Make your course, say goodbye! Goodbye to who?

Which is why I hate, I hate, I hate grown-ups.

Stow your cargo, start your plane.

Adieu, adieu. You're not helping my habit, you soap jockey. There's drink, now pour sauce, there's boys in my boat. Raise me, raise my hull.

My rocks will swell, the boys will be sold.

Pour it down, pour it down, we go. Pour it down, pour it down, we go.

Safely aboard, final preparations are made on the deck of the Neverland.

Follow hence, men dressed from the tablecloth, be away and saved by a squadron of heroes far from home.

A squadron of British Navy seamen in bright smart uniforms boards the Neverland, led by one Lieutenant Gregors, ready to accompany Lord Leonard Asgard to Her Majesty's vessel, the the Wasp. Captain Scott's compliments, your lordship.

Hope you join him aboard the Wasp as soon as possible. A moment.

Captain Slack.

Here, your lordship. I'm taking the Queen's treasure to Rundown aboard the Wasp, but I leave a more precious cargo here on the Neverland. God forbid. Mrs. Bonegrave, bring her to me. Mommy, my mommy.

Daddy, please let me come with you. I don't like it on this ship.

You're safer if you're on the Neverland. By the time you arrive in Rundoon, I'll have completed my mission and we'll be together again.

Tabby Milk, the cat! The ship's cat! A lucky sign. Here, Puss Puss.

Molly, careful!

It's all right, Daddy, he was a sweet little puss, isn't he? Oh, our Molly loves all kinds of little creatures. Daddy, I know you don't need my help in Rundoon, but I've got to start pulling my own weight sometimes.

You're all grown up, aren't you? I am, Daddy.

Courage now. Promise?

Promise. Just then a box of boys bursts open. A boy almost falls out.

Hanging upside down just over Molly's head.

He stares at her.

She stares at him.

He doesn't howl about it.

The look of a boy who doesn't miss much or say much about it.

Back in your box, you monkeys!

Something about the boy makes Molly feel like she just grew up a little.

Daughter, a word. There isn't any treasure in the Queen's trunk, and what is in it has to be destroyed by order of Her Majesty Queen Victoria.

God save her.

God save her! I'll have to move quickly before the King of Vanduum even knows I'm there.

But how are you going to destroy it?

Can you keep it a secret? I can. We can. What secret? Meat, meat, bear? Bli-kwa? Bli-kwa? I think you mean they are speaking in Dodo, a language known only to—

Dodos! And a handful of very special humans.

Dodo, a fat clumsy bird, hence the Latin name Dinus ineptus.

Known for its greedy appetite, slothful pace, and sense of entitlement, the Dodo was fearless of people and faced no real problems. Deadly mirror of the British Empire and its colonial ventures. Of course, these same traits were responsible for the dodo's extinction. An eerie mirror of the British Empire after its colonial zenith. But there, my friends, another tale.

And you don't ever take it off or let anyone else touch it. You know what's in this amulet, Molly, and you know how to use it if you're ever in trouble.

What if something happens to you? You need me on the lot.

Too dangerous. I won't take you.

I want to be a part of the mission.

If you can't be British, you can go straight home and back to school, young lady. This is not great.

No, please don't send me home. I'll be good, I promise.

Oh, shut the faucet, Molly. Blubbering like a whale when the world is your oyster. Be a woman.

Yes, sir.

As soon as I'm done in London, we'll take a few weeks in Antarctica. Scattering their bullets. I might even teach you to speak porpoise.

Yes, darling.

There's my little starcatcher.

Just an apprentice. If I were a starcatcher, I'd be on the Wasp.

Say please the word starcatcher.

But a cannon has fired from the deck of the Wasp.

Whoa! Patience, daughter. Keep a keen eye, Mrs. Bulbright. Oh, don't you worry, my lord. We'll be British to the bone. We'll meet again in London, Godspeed. Off you go, your lordship. TTFN. Alf! Where are you, you good-for-nothing bucket of scum? Here, lock these two in their cabin. I ain't taking no chance. Now wait, just a minute. I don't fancy no dainty daughters roaming my deck. Now hop it! With pleasure, sir. The cabin can smell no worse than you.

Can we have kittens with us?

Dear Claire, the pussy cats will be happy, may they not? Say the word, madam, and I might fetch out the extra for a little minnow. Maybe do some petting of our own. Don't trouble yourself. Come along, good girl.

It's all right, ma'am. Alf will see you safely stowed.

Thank you, kind sir. No, thank you, kind lady. Your eyes are as green as the sea and your hair almost as grey. Take me below, sir. No, listen, me cow, unless you wish to sleep. Why are you sniggering like you're picaroons? Put that trunk in my cabin! For every jib in this light of promise, I will curse the day you were born. So want to run, you fungus? There's profitable trade to be made in run-through. Well, first class ain't what it used to be. Course, back in my salad days, I was a green girl bringing up brats in big breezy belfry in Brighton. And that was a tight spot too, and hell on the household help. Oh, especially the kitchen lad. A lovely iron lad who cooked a cunning cannelloni and a pasta bisou to make you drool. Oh, but it made the master mad how the mistress moaned for his manicotti. He beat that boy something approaching what the boy didn't say boo! Point is, we must button our beaks and be brave like that boy, or my name's not Pretty Bumble. Now, you might as well fear you'll never clap eyes on your father again, and it cuts me to the core. But you mustn't show that sorry snake the slightest sniff of fear. These men can smell a funny molly, and they will make you pay.

That's how stupid zombies are. If you're going to stop crying, cut a wig through your feet.

A woman.

Seduated, miss?

Oh, Mrs. Bumbrick, Mrs. Oh, sorry to hear that.

I was wed once. Dreadful business.

Mr. Bumbrick fell off a twig years ago. Left me widowed at 40— uh, 30.

Is that food? I'm awfully hungry. This ain't for no ladies. It's for the pigs down the other end.

Pigs?

Really?

In there?

How do you feed them?

Oh, my Molly loves all those little creatures. Not these creatures, she don't.

But don't despair, put slayin' on some yummy meat in the galley. I'll support you when it's that awkward.

Nothing too rich, pray. We girls must watch our waistlines.

Been thinkin' about gettin' in shape meself. Some is in shape. Sorry?

So true! You're quite the specimen.

No, die off, flabby thighs, but luckily my stomach covers 'em. Best be off.

He's rough, but he's ready, that elf. He smells like—

smells.

True, but there's a whiff of hero about him. Mark my words.

Left the cabin door ajar. I could follow him and go help feed the piggies. May I, Nana?

Please? Oh, Monica, come back here! Don't make me come after you! Oh, best bring back a bucket before Bessie Cornflake blows her gloomy breakfast!

Oh!

Coming up with a poker alley? Say you put me on pink if you need Rob faster.

Coming out to the village to meet the swine.

God save her! Port, you idiot! Which way's Port? The right, the right! The left, you fool! Give me his hat, nicely peed out, you remember.

Well, if it ain't your three little piggies.

Got your sea legs? Oh yeah, we're doing it without the animal. Ah, excuse me, sir. Quick question for the captain.

What are you, piggy spokesman?

I'm the leader. No, you're not. Yes, I am. I'm the oldest.

I'm the oldest and I say pipe down. Well, it's the buffet that's ancient.

Oh, finally!

You're gonna want to swallow those down quick.

Bon appétit! Any good? It's alive! It works! You fed me worms! I won't eat that. Please, sir, is there a vegetarian alternative?

In my day, piggies weren't quite so popular.

Well, don't argue now.

Give me that.

Your wife's awaiting execution. Wait, what are you doing? Get this away from me.

It's for laying back, you. I'm holding the mister on this vessel. Much respect for a lifetime of seafaring.

Never mind him. He's got a real problem with authority. So do I.

Look, dino worms have rung the little boys, but who will grease the pipes to I'm going to set you down in under me.

Um, question, mister. One, do we have to stay down here in the dark?

Just like handing off King Varrock.

Is the king nice to his helpers?

That's true.

I've got a sick feeling about this. I'll think of something.

There you go. In my experience, boys are sadly slow thinkers.

What? What are you?

I'm a girl.

No way. You saw her come. Headmaster's daughter? Yeah, but it was nothing like me. It was all like, "Ahh! I'm a Barbie trying to get ya!" Who's the leader here? Who wants to know?

Molly Astor. Dr. Pretorius back home says I have an extraordinarily high brain power.

If you're so smart, how come you're You're stuck on this dirt bucket.

I'm not stuck. I'm going to meet my father in Radune. He has important things to do.

We've got important things to do. Now we have. I'm the leader and I say we've got something to do. She's not the leader. You. You.

How old are you?

How old are you?

I'm 13.

I'm 13.

Wait, I just remembered today is my birthday. I'm 15.

If you were 13 and today's your birthday, you'd be 14.

I will be 16. We celebrate all the number of birthdays.

Wait a minute, wait a minute! It doesn't matter how old you are, I'm still the leader. The leader has to be a boy.

Hey, if at our anniversary we get served proper food, I can lead you there, which would make me the leader.

Proper food? Really?

Just tell me your names.

Why should we?

Only that you have names. Do they serve you?

Meat. Dad! Oh, Dad! But I call him Tubby because he's food obsessed. All you look at is grapefruit, pumpkin pie, pasta tortellini, white beans in your blanket, and at the merest whisper of— get this— sticky pudding. Oh, sticky pudding. It's sad. Like I said, food obsessed. I'm Princess. I'm in charge here.

Have you ever noticed in his head how the more you claim leadership, the more it eludes you. And what do you—

Leave me alone! Sorry, don't take it personally. He's rude to everybody. It's why he gets beaten and why he's got no friends. Go on, tell her you're nameless. I'm not so fucking nameless yet. Who has he fought in there? It's all been too long to remember. The very kid fought him. No one! You and your stupid names don't want some stupid girl! I don't need your permission, friendless!

Hey, does it cost you anymore to be nice, charmless?

But what about— Okay, you could be like temporary leader, but only till we eat.

Fair warning, boy, I shall expose you utterly. As no one had ever shown the slightest interest in him before, The boy's eyes began to sparkle, and the lure of competition seemed to wipe some of the misery from his face. Right, follow me!

Right, follow my fat Wally. That's what I said, follow Wally.

The boy may have wished to be alone, but he didn't really mean it. The spark in his eyes fades, and strange sounds in the dark make him remember the orphanage, make him think about—

Where's that mule? Yes, sir.

Strange, of nasty evil, or looking at this filth.

Don't kid me, sir. Says the best clergyman.

Mewel, afraid of his own shadow. Be a man.

Thank you, Mr. Grimkin.

Uncover yourself. Disgrace to the mother that left you.

You watch on your necks. At the mention of a mother, the boy heard a whisper of a song he could barely remembered, and saw the shadow of a home he hoped he might have. Father and son, mother and child, and even with so little ground for hope, still he believed, despite his distress and sorrow, that one day such a home would be his. Home. Orphan's rule number 1: life is meant to be horrible.

Rule number 2.

You know I have no orphans in heaven. Rule number 3.

Mrs. Crook is ugly. Anyone who laughs is dead.

Mother, Mother. Come on, you. Last chance. We Astors do not leave boys behind.

We shift our attention now to the other ship, barreling due south at a brisk 12 knots.

That fine British frigate, the Wasp, where Molly's father Lord Astor has been ushered roughly below deck.

Captain's Scott's cabin, your lordship, do go in.

Must be cramped in the captain's quarters.

No frills on a frigate, sir. Sanchez, pull the door to.

There's a good fellow. Where's the captain, Lieutenant?

I'm no lieutenant, sir.

I tell him to lie. Unthinkable! British never lie.

Pirates do! Don't we, boys?

I demand to see Captain Scott.

Oh, why didn't you say so? Presto, Scotland!

What? Robbie! How dare you, sir! Release this man!

I'll take the key to that treasure trunk, you'll have to kill me first. We were going to do that second, but I'm flexible.

At you! He's coming out! Enough, people!

A violent, thirsty mood!

What are you playing at?

Pirates, sir. The Wasp is now a pirate ship. Your British crew Crew's in chains below. There have been no pirates in these parts for 100 years. We've been keeping a very low profile.

And you're the captain, I suppose? I, sir? I, sir? You, sir?

No, sir, not me, sir. It's me, sir. That's me, sir, but not Captain I, sir.

You lie, sir.

Oh no, sir. The devil himself's in charge hereabouts.

The devil, you say? The Prince of Darkness. Our satanic supervisor.

Foul and nasty, with a cloven hoof.

How would one identify him in a crowd?

By his legendary cookie duster, that's how.

Whiskers?

By his celebrated mouth brow, that's how. Does he have a name?

The pirate captain they call— Black Snail! Hello. Oh, to be in England now that April's there. But whoever's not in England gets to see my facial hair. Now you may be wondering, can the fellow before you be entirely evil? Can no compassion uncrease this furrowed brow? Well, fret not, my friend, I'm a romantic. There's a poet in these pirate rangers, so I plug into the news. What plot to do? Which style to use? High-ambit? Box office poison? High-cool? Samurai take things to a more theatrical stage? Hoo-ha! Got it! A pirate's stance, a panache. Wants the key to the trunk with the cash. Here's some advice, though I seem to be nice, I'll cut you! Snip you on one side and down the other so you can watch your stomach mill around on the deck. I say, explain to my daughter I'm a bloodthirsty outlaw.

I can't, but he still won't give up the key.

Well, we have got all night, Smeave. People have paid for nannies and parking. Very well, I'll do it myself. Or I'm not! I'm not! What am I? They refer, of course, to this. The trademark nose brush of every man, woman, and child in me family, dating right back to me amoeba. But for us, this face foliage has been, oh, so much more than just a lawn on the lip. 'Tis what we are, and why we are it. And when everyone else got out of the pirate business, the Star stuck it out, knowing one day my ship would come in. This is the day. This is the ship! Now, cough up that key, my lord. Not a chance, you foul-faced toolbag. No, I don't even know. I say, Smeagol, is that my lord's coat you're holding?

Looks to be about his size, Captain.

What's the well-dressed toolbag wearing this season?

Soak 'em in, oh Captain, soak 'em in, oh.

Smeagol, what is it the men call me?

Um, Nancy, sir?

No, the other thing. Fruitless, sir.

Ruthless, heartless, and fierce.

Guiltless charge. Now give me the key. Never. Playing games is for children, Lord Arthur, and I hate, I hate, I hate children. Bring it in, Gomez. It's Sanchez, sir. Charles, bring it in. Thanks, Ebisu. The Wasp is now my ship and everything aboard her belongs to me. Including that treasure Victoria thinks nobody knows about. Silly old Queen. God save her! Queen! God save her! Victoria! God save her! Bananas! Here's two things. When I open this swag, I will be the single most significant pirate in the world, the solar system, and other places yet to be discovered in the universe. There's only one thing— The second thing is a dilemma. The Cadillac Escalade dilemma, as a point of fact. For a little bird has brought Darling daughter is sailing to her doom on a safer southern route aboard the naval— The Neverland, sir. What? The Neverland, sir. It's the same letter, Snee. Naval mode, Neverland. I was pretty close. I was pretty darn close. Splitting rabbits. Hares, sir. Splitting hares, that too. Oh, I know you love your old Molly above rubies. What say we take a quick detour We knock her off the Neverland and you can watch her die! Unless you're feeling a wee bit more amenable. Love your locket, but what's in your pocket? Allow me. Dun and dusted, chip is encrusted. Here's the key, boys!

My father, he's in trouble!

You're next, And you're mean.

Don't ask me about that.

I can ask whatever I want. I'm the leader of Prentiss. Come on, you have to tell.

Great, listen. My father's going to run you on a secret mission for the Queen.

What's the mission? Molly, where are you, girl?

Shh, tell this kid where you've been.

Quiet. What was it called again? What we ate?

Pork chops, pork salad, and pork belly pie.

Greatest night of my life!

There's more tomorrow if we do it, get caught!

Oh, there's more words. There's a ringing here, connect it!

No, it's coming from someplace else.

Behind this wall!

Get away, boy, don't open that!

Holy— slinks— cat— life! We ask you now to imagine a grown cat in black, spreading his face as it heading from the spring.

Of course the boys don't have to imagine it, because there they are, and there is the cat.

And that cat is definitely flying.

And those bells are definitely ringing.

And that tavern is definitely glowing.

Glowing, ringing, flying— that can only mean one thing.

Star stuff.

Star stuff. The Queen's trunk must be in Slent's cabin. All right, move along, nothing to see here.

But that cat was— Yes, it was! Tommy's right, your nightlight was ringing and that cat was totally—

Hey, you know what would be fun? A house about to bedtime story. What's that?

Oh, haha, they're—

Oh my gosh, you poor things, you've never had a bedtime story.

This might sound kind of defensive, but to have a bedtime I don't have a bed.

Right, right, sorry I didn't tell you.

Tell you what? You say sorry so easy, like the rock I just smoothed over, no hard feelings and everything's fixed. Well no, there's dark, a mass of darkness in the world, and if you get trapped in that cave like us, it beats you down. Sorry can't fix it. You could have just said nothing. Sorry. When it's night and I'm too scared to sleep, I look to the cracks in the between the wood nails over the window, and I see all those little stars that I can't reach, and I think that in 100 or 200 or 300 years, boys will be free, and life will be so beautiful that nobody will ever say sorry again, because they won't have to. I think about that a lot. Well, that's more than he's said in the last 13 years. No, bedtime stories, not a big priority, okay?

No, no, it's not okay. I'm going to give you one, like, again, it's the least I can do. Like Sleeping Beauty. Sleeping Beauty is a good one, you'll like it. There's a kiss in it, true love's kiss.

Yuck! I don't know what that is.

Then I'll tell you. Come on back to the cabin.

I'll be mother.

Now, the story of Sleeping Beauty. Once upon a time, her beautiful baby was born.

And that beautiful baby had a big bushy handlebar, and it grew out as she grew up, and they both lived happily ever after. The end. From this day forth, it will be nothing but pleasure to be treated the odd American cup for me. Now open and prepare me. What is that?

It's sand, sir. Sand?

That's impossible. When you say sand, do you mean the worthless granular material one associates with the water's edge?

Yes, sir!

I see. You may think a treasure trunk "sands treasure," as both my radical BBE friends, Whitson How wrong you are. Though I'd hoped to be hip-deep in diamonds right about now, they're a poor substitute for what I really crave: a bona fide hero to make me feel whole. For without a hero, what am I? Half a villain? A pirate in part? Ruthless but— Tupless. And then I saw you, and I thought, maybe. Could it be? Would he, for example, give up something precious for the daughter he loves? But alas, he gives up Sasuke. Now let's see. Kira with treasure, very good. Shiro with no treasure is still too important. No Shiro in a trunk full of sands, not so much. Now where's my treasure?

What if they swapped the trunk, sir?

Swapped, you say?

How stupid are you to be stupid, stupid?

Yes, swapped right there on the dike.

Check, check.

In which case?

The trunk with the treasure's Destiny check! What do we know about the Neverland? She's a slow ship, Captain.

Sadly slow. And what of our ship, the Wasp?

We're fast!

Super fast! Which means we're leagues ahead of her by now, Einstein. Change of course! Hard about! Murphy, go behind this swopper, you arsehole, for I am the Queen of England! Captain! Shut up! I said hard about, fair maid! It's Sanchez, sir! Hit the pedal, Brittle! It's Sanchez, sir! Burn, Rob Bagley! I'm not betraying you, you're never gonna guess that! Give me the screw! You pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Now juice it. The chase is on. The die is cast. The game's afoot, and I— I want that treasure, boys! Cast me in Neverland!

And as the princess slept, a thick forest grew up around her castle, keeping everybody out. Everybody but one man. Boys?

The prince, right?

Yes, the prince, very good. He chopped his way to Sleeping Beauty's room, saw his true love, and kissed her just once, sweetly, on the lips. True love's kiss broke the spell. The princess found her prince, and they all lived happily ever after. The ambulance again. Talk to me, Daddy.

With the water racing at a frenzied speed through the lowlands, Lord Asker clears his mind and tries to reach Molly.

Daddy, are you there? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

Daddy, the witch took his hair on board the Neverland.

Not in English, Too dangerous.

Oh dear, please don't speak.

Not very good.

Daddy, not JoJo.

My, my parrots.

There's lots of parrots.

Not very good.

There, parrots have taken over your ship. What genius brought parrots?

Pirates! We've been taken over by pirates!

Oh, pirates! That part of Iceland is so—

Lolly, let's go down on the level land. Soon as we catch you, steer clear of Black Stash and bring I will! Don't let me down, Doctor. This is your mission now.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Come on, come on! What are you doing?

Sorry, what?

You were talking to your Neptune.

No, I wasn't.

I know what I saw.

There was a porpoise swimming alongside the ship, and it was making those funny noises that porpoises make, and I thought I'd make some funny noises too, that's all.

So you were talking to a fish?

Porpoises are not fish, they're mammals, just like you and I. You, or Germans.

Then how come your neck thing flows and rings all by itself?

It's for swimming. I'm a good swimmer. It's a swimming medal.

Right, swimming, sure. And what stars now?

Decision. I'm going to trust you.

Why? I'm just a boy.

I know, pity. You like to look at the stars? Well, here they are.

There's so many.

They look safe, don't they? Sparkling up there like diamonds.

I like when they shoot across the sky. Shoo!

Sometimes pieces of them fall to the earth. Little bits that look like sand. Can you keep a secret?

I can. We can!

Those pieces are star stuff. The trunk in Sikes' cabin is full of it, and there's some in here too, in case I'm ever in trouble.

Star stuff? Let me see! No, don't!

It changes people when they touch it.

How?

Different ways depending on what they want to be.

So if somebody gets their hands on star stuff and they—

If they're evil or greedy like Genghis Khan, or they're hungry for world domination like Caesar or Napoleon or Ayn Rand.

Who's that?

Didn't you learn anything in that orphanage?

I was kind of busy trying not to die. So if star stuff's so dangerous, why are you after it?

I'm the Star Catcher. We have special powers that we use in secret to keep star stuff away from tyrants who try to rule the world.

Oh, you mean like Queen Victoria?

God save her, no, that's different. She doesn't need star stuff to rule the world. She's British.

So, your role, what is it?

A star catcher. There are only 6 and a half of us on the planet.

6 and a half?

I'm still an apprentice.

Okay, so prove it.

What?

Go on, amaze me with your special power.

This isn't a magic show and I'm not some magician I mean, if you can't actually do anything. Fine, fine, whatever. To have a name is to have an excuse. Whoa, satisfying.

So the cat was blind. Come on, I want to be blind too, like you and the cat.

Get serious, William. The star stuff has to be destroyed.

You want me to destroy it?

Don't be ridiculous. My father's going to throw it in the world's hottest acid Okay, now I'll tell them.

Where's that?

Rondoom, wouldn't you know it. But the problem is King Zarboth would kill for even a thimble of star stuff.

Hey, I can help. You see, I'm gonna be the king's new helper, so once you get to Rondoom, just ask him.

You're not going to be his helper. You're going to be his snake food. King Zarboth likes to buy orphans and feed them to his snakes.

So reptilian you lie.

King Zarboth III is evil. He's the worst Tsar Bok yet.

Prophets always lie. It's all they ever do.

Want help? Help me get that truffle to my father.

You know what? Forget it. Why should I help anybody? What has anybody ever done for me? You! I thought I told you to stay in your crate, orphan slut slave! When exactly— That is Captain Fearless Lake's straw on the line. I may not be born with a silver spoon up my bum, but that joke is not going to stay Where am I being from? Ew, that's gross.

Below, boy!

He ain't going below, he's going over! Let go! Let me go! I've got a promise to be his entire fleet of things in exchange for the drunken pirate cabin!

Strong gusts blowing! Winds hit 34 knots!

I hate rowboats! Make like a kitten, boy, it'll take a long time to drown! Bottom up! No, no more, please! I can't! Can't what? Swim!

Here I am, Lloyd!

All be well!

With 40 knots, white caps hanging, crest overhanging, ship off the forward bow, from the cut of her jib she could be the lost—

the lost— Alfred! Bless her state!

That stroke is my event. I do so like to finish first. I win the most medals at my school. Super darkly proven. Darkly proven to squat. Deep breaths. There we go. Wait.

You saved my life.

Of course.

Why?

Because I'm the leader.

But you don't even like me.

The leader can't go around saving only the people she likes.

The leader has to be a boy.

Only if that boy knows that there are more important things in this world than saving his own neck.

Like what?

Like saving someone else's.

Save your own ass, what the trump's sake!

We need the wasp to catch up to us quick!

Is the wasp alright, Sally? We'll never outrun a frigate, that's it. We can flee, we will try. Fiddle the warp seal! Here's the breeze now, we sail fast! Give all your shanty-linners, you'll have to catch me first. Put her to windward or hard to starboard. Starboard? Then I go with the big cheese. Bring me the grappling iron! The boy spins the ship's wheel for everything he's worth.

Wind 47 knots.

Scale warning. The ship's wheel careens across the deck and spins out a sea.

Turning it up as hot against the brain and jolting two people in a tiny cap and balloon.

I waited for love. I'm waiting for piss. I'm waiting for this. I'm still an alien, I must find Molly. Why don't you spit me out? What was that?

The changing of course of the moon, straight through the island of love.

Oh, my Molly, she's been gone ever so long. Sister and the sister? Hey! Cut the canoeaway! I gotta grab the girl, get it? But you can win. I'll tell you how. Win. Victory by Ross. Strong gale. Rolly seas. Bloody sprays. The Neverland crashes into the waves. Fucking and barreling straight for the loss. Sweeten the choppers and reap the expedient. This wind will throw waters and McNeers in your face. Boy, Speedy, do you see what I see?

Oh, the Neverland, sir! She's heading right for us!

Oh, it's too easy. I think I'm feeling all insipid guilty. I know it! Up the gun turret, prepare to board!

Up the gun turret!

And keep the Union Jack flying, so Bill Snake thinks we polite.

Oh, so devious, so very devious!

Neverland ho! Victory is ours, well, mine.

We face 63 knots, hurricanes, violent storms.

This is a mission called Always Black Stars, Bread of Water. Buckle up, boys, we'll get there any minute now.

But, Chief, what about all the public revenue from the ship?

But that orphan boy's ruined us. Orphan boys ruin everything. What about you, diddybags? Here comes the wasp! Two ships make towards each other, tiny craft against the violent main. Lord, Lord, just in time for tea!

This is the wasp!

Get the tree! Be a boy, shoot the ship full of bolts! Now what? Now! Run up the trolley, Roger! I'm for it! Go back, you cowards! Hello, Neverland. I leave this trolley to you, and you make something of ours. Wind at 67 knots! That's 200 miles— Okay, everybody! That's 200 miles per hour! Large waves over 50 feet! Disaster! Destruction! Devastation!

Stupid boy! You've turned us around so the boss can catch us!

Pretty cheeky, huh? Pretty cheeky! Yeah, awesome! And now there's pirates everywhere. Good move, Ace!

Hey, he did something big, apprentice.

I could do more. Look, I'm still the leader.

Then help me get that chunk to my father.

Sorry, not our issue.

Never mind, I'll do it myself. Mrs. Bugbrake? Mrs. Bugbrake?

You're different, you know that. Don't you think he's different? We should definitely wait here. We'll be safer. There are more important things than saving your own neck. Like what? Like helping Molly. Ladies and gentlemen, coming out on this snowy night for our featured belt-wearing disc pointer, directed now by William wands with intimacy issues and their flaggy knickers. It's no mother's son, it's no man's pal, Bill the Dingus Batsoir! And in this corner, sporting his famous flavor saver since the tender age of 10, the most fearsome pirate on the pike, all hands on deck for the Black Spat! This is a one-round knockout match. Kicking, submitting, and gouging is preferred. Hitting below the belt is not required, though fans tend to like it. Now shake hands and come out riding! French roaster, roller coaster, uppercutter, the walking puzzle. Which I got, I'm sure, I'm the master. She's your ass, you're my fly. Call me God's anointed, double-jointed, triple-pointed, belly rubber. I'm like, on your kneesy, easy peasy, chavo easy, better brother. I don't stink at it, we shall accept me, we will allow it. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? There he lies, a jumped-up cabin boy who doesn't know his place. Now give me the Queen's trunk, I'll say your goodbyes, you bathtub captain! Crack! The sound of splintering wood, flapping canvas whipped by wind. Crack! The deck is breaking up! Masterless was a master no more. Benevolent. She split in two, stern to stern. Fore and aft. A whole ship.

Abandon ship, abandon ship. She's broken up. Make braces, Molly.

We're saving the token, that's all there is to it. Oh, you really missed the break. Betty, you and your seagray eyes. Don't let them smell your beer, Molly. And their hazel. Out like a hand. Out of my way, or I will speak sharp! Don't ye touch one hair on that woman, lest she fall yours! Now, Betty! I am just going down! I trust that's what one did to save yourselves. Oh, the waves swallowed me in a great trough of sea, and the sharks started to attack me Mother's kisses. Mother, ye left me on the steps of a churchyard parlor, rocking a heavy bag of fish and chips, rocking me neck a goat, offering goose leg to wicked dead. Well, you got what now, then? Fuck it, stop!

Oh, my white knight, more you've locked in the brown carriage than in The truck is ours!

Release me! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

Excuse me, check your trucks. Some trucks may be identical to ours.

Save yourself! Help!

Wait, I need more time to get the What was my father?

Good boy, you all stole the lyrics. Some crazy weather, huh? What are you? What are you?

What am I?

Never heard of you. Liar. The Stash is on everyone's lips. Is that the Queen's trunk you're sitting on? Yeah, Queen's trunk, totally. Molly Astor told me to protect it from cruel pirates like you. Oh, but we have all the fun. You do? Absolutely. A little swash, a bit of puckering. You're loving more than bread. Would you leave the trunk and join my crew with ablation, please? Your name? Bob. My name? Molly. Bob. What's your Bosse then, Columbus boy. Of course, if you were a pirate, you'd have a proper name. You could do that. I'm the boss, ain't I? How about Bluebeard Bosse then? Long John Larry? I like it. Oh, we have another bloke from the yard on Wicker Go Wednesday named Pirate Pete. That's available? Pirate Pete. Good solid name, Peter, like a rock. That's what you'd be, boy, my rock. Peter, I like it. Iconic as the moonwalk, Michael Jackson video. Give me the Queen's trunk. What would I do? Star and mine, nasty, cruel, infamy, calamity, fraternity. You need to connect, boy Peter. You need to connect, Peter. No man is an apple from our moon. Now give me the Queen's trunk. Saturday, you blew it, Dad! The Queen's throne is safe on the water! We did it, Molly! We saved the treasure! We saved the world! You're killing my bus, boy! To it I say, die!

Not again! The boy's going overboard!

Molly, bring me the throne! Help! I can't swim!

But Dad, the boy needs help!

Molly, the It's a direct order! Bring the trunk to me!

This trunk first, boy! What is Peter? Peter!

I like Peter! Me too! There's an island! Peter, ride the trunk to the island!

Coming now! We can't see where we are.

Oh, the wind is like a whip.

Take my hand, abandon ship!

But my Molly, oh my Molly, what a bloody awful trip. Will you wait? Have you been nice to the man? Then if you sleep, carry me and all the other crap you can. Even in the churning sea, still am I the captain's mate. And the pirate girl I call the What? You're all involved in this? I'm the leader! Now ignore him! Yes, I am! You're a monster! You can't be a leader! I am! I am! You will march too! Come on, take the jump together!

Search for him, dive for the astronaut's ring.

Swim on against the current, swim on against the sea, though the tide may turn against you, though too strong the tide may be. When we stroke, we stroke with heavy Though his brow be sad with agony, we'll strive till we can free the world. To labor at the nearest shore and follow Thor's armies before. The truth sets us free.

Follow that trunk's lead.

Get me to the island.

Get to the island, Peter. Don't let that trunk out of your sight.

Swing on against the current, swing on against the sea. Though the tide may turn against you, go as strong as I can be. And though your heart's a leaden, spicy food, spray it on. Swim on, swim on, swim on. Swim on, swim on, swim on against the current till your courage brings you home, till you stand on the land safely home. There will now be a 10-minute— to drink now.

And you may think now they've gone too far.

But something we should not have exposed to you. We got too close to you by swinging out a huge rope at And it was a star from the sky that made each fish look like fish before your eyes. Now since Our fingers, humans died because of stars, stars, green leaves melt, and it must rise, rise, from afar. It gave us nets, it gave us nets, Oh, how we see we go, and every day springs, the dazzled stars above, we sing. I was a flounder, yet you heard me, death I have smelt, I know Is that you, Molly? Wait, Molly, wait! No, not supposed to sleep. Supposed to be guarding the truck. Not— I'm glad you came. I did what you said, Rob. Frederick Wright of a mountain. No, no Molly. So bright, falling. No, that is— that must be the sun. I feel you, sun. And check it out, space, light, air. I'm finally free. I'm going to have freedom, which is what I want. Water. Oh, hey, Ferbs! What's up? Me? Well, let's see, saved the world, got the name, not too shabby. I just, I wonder if Teddy and Princess be off the ship before I save. I mean, how weird. Please let them be okay. Ferbs, we should make a pact. I don't need you and you don't need me. Deal? No, come back! I don't want to be alone! Come Hey, fine. No Molly, no Teddy, no Prentiss. So what? This is perfect. Nobody's out to make me sick. Nothing between me and the sky. I can just be a boy for a while. That's all I ever wanted anyway. I've got to get out of here. Sorry, did you want to be announced? No, stay with me. Good, I will fake you. You ready for this? Teddy floats! Do you hear? The two of us, we jump overboard, I held on to him, and the two of us fall all the way here. Ready for this? It's our name. I go up for now, it's pizza. Smalling? Whatever. Du Bois, you see where we are there? It's still in one piece. Oh no, I see where this is going. Where's the mother? She's above him. Her name is Molly, and she probably drowned. No, she jumped off the ship to save him. She's like a real swimmer. I think she may be meeting the wasp, or maybe she's floating almost up to Neverland. Ride this wreckage, Romeo. Gets to shore in mega fast. What speed might we Oh, we'll end up in China drifting like this, and I'm in no mood for mooshu, Alf. Tried it once and it went through me like the winter winds in Wessex. Maybe you should tell that to the jungle. I say we wait for her up here. No, help me hide the compass. We might be dredged just out of reach. I tell the boys we'll go Branches! What we need are branches! Hi! For people to fire yourself! So cheap! Oh, branches, branches! Guy's got a joke for branches! We need to build a raft now so we can get to the water. Once we get to the water, Molly's father will have to take us. Where? Over. Now everybody in here hold hands and we'll be exposed. Where? Mistore.

Ew, I'm so smart.

Yeah, 'cause perspiration's the mark of true leadership. Are we good? Yes! Get that, Diesel! Get that, Jet! Get that, Francis! Get that, Francis! Get that, Teddy! Teddy, go ahead and score a race, everybody! Sir, I'm on the pizza! I'm near dead! I'm dead pizza! I can't hear me! Help! Hello, who's that? Turn your ear to your teeth! It's me, sir! Look who it is! What in a foyer! Happy reading! Bear footprints, sir! It's chasing me! What's up, you guilty? I'm right behind you, and I want that trunk. Do you want some tea and biscuits, me? I'm hungry. Come on, boy, I'm gonna find you. Oh, why you can't keep heading down? I'm sweating, Steve. We're playing now. I'm just spinning, guys. You hear me? Hungry, Peter. Pop that treasure. Hungry, Peter. Pop that treasure. Hungry, Peter. Pop that trunk.

Well, class women, that would nearly be too Phew, I made it to the island in record time. I'm awfully glad I saved the boy, even if Daddy is furious. Saving the whole world's a bit abstract for a 13-year-old, but putting a human face on it makes it more jolly. Ugh, this training bra is so irksome. Now, I really must fetch Daddy's trunk and bring it back to the beach, or my first ever mission will be my last. Don't worry, Peter, wherever you are, I'll find you!

Primi pranzo! Dopo gabinetto! What? Hello. I am king of this island, and you boys are my prisoners. Lasagna! You three will do nicely. You speak English? If I must. Préférer une piégée par sorcier. But you're savages! We mollusks are no savages. I know what savagery is, boy. When I was a man, English landed here, took me to your island in chains. Long years I worked as kitchen slave in not so great boutique. Until one day, by kindness of fate, a shipwreck brought my father back to our island. Yes, in your language, my name is Fighting Prawn. This is my son, Pogging Clam. My son shall wear this hat once worn by my brutal British master. For years I was his kitchen slave. He beat me raw, but I was brave. And one day put him in his grave, the plate of poisoned pasta! Thank you. Come, it is time. Uh, time? Feeding time. Feeding time, finally! Not where you eat, big boy. Where you are eaten. You must answer to the law. The law of Mr. Creepy. Uh, who's Mr. Creepy? We worship him. And he protects us from foreign troublemakers. Come now, we feed you to vicious crocodile. Wait, please don't finish eating crocodile. First, take us to Mr. Grimm. Crocodile is Mr. Grimm? Pasta! Wait, wait, we can give you a good gift. Anti-pasta! You said it is, yeah, a story, right? Let's go give you a bedtime story. Sleeping Beauty. A Sleeping Beauty? Surprise! The thing was, I know a doll called Agnes. Maybe they will too, and we can get out. We give you a story, you let us live and leave your island. Deal? Okie dokie, but if I am not entertained, it is Mr. Grit for all of you. Assume the position. You have 1 minute. Why you give me 1 minute?

I'm not trying to—

Bring me the holy relic of my captivity. Mighty fall! The kitchen timer! Your minute starts now! Oh yeah! One at a time! One upon a time! That's how they all start! Upon a time! Upon a time! Tick tock, tick tock, how green is the Okay, okay, once upon a time, uh, there was a beautiful baby princess. I believe her witch was a cat. And the curse was very terrible, for every time the baby cried, the whole kingdom would fall asleep. Hahaha! Beauty was enabled! So the king marched over to his favorite horse, and he rode to the tallest tree, and he climbed up to talk to the wise old owl. Now, the king, a real leader, he Soda like me? Focus, piggy boy! Piggy boy? Sticky pudding? Sticky pudding sounds good. I'm sure the princess is old enough to talk. Hi, I'm 16, I'm beautiful, and I'm in the market for something long-term. But nobody can stay away from looking up to Kiss Cup and every But he got so sleepy, all of a sudden— Shh! And that's the story of Sticky Pudding. Saving Guilty!

But it's not the end! They missed the whole emotional arc of the story!

Goody! Another English! Where'd you come from? And? Your minute is up. You should have stayed hidden, Molly.

You abused the concept of the theatre collective. It was too much for me.

Although Ted must have talent. Hey! I have talent! Goodbye, D.D.! They lied to me! They all lied to me! What's so funny? You called her Molly. Well, that's my name, Molly. In our language, Molly, Molly means twit. Entertain, mighty father. Yes, first prize. You got me with squid poop. Two thumbs up. Two thumbs way up. See, let us live, right? That was the deal. Wait, so Right, see, 'cause you need us. Yeah, yeah, we can do all the things you guys don't want to do anymore. We're foreigners, that's what we're for. Nice try, but the law is the law. All English must die! Kill them all! Such life and death decisions are generally made by the English, not for the English. Worse yet, the walls of Mr. Grint's cage are very high, too high for any boy or girl to climb, too dark to see the crocodile in front of your face, and those hard things the boys are sitting on, they feel like bones. All in all, it's a bad day to be British. Bad? I hope that was your stomach. I'm once again hungry. What's wrong? They made a deal with us and they lied, just like they always do. I hate grown-ups. Frank, please do something. You're the leader. Have a plan. Eat the kitchen timer and leave us alone! Friends, now we get down to the serious stuff. This is all your fault, Molly. Make me feel like a big man who's going to save the world. I'm not a big man and I can't save anything.

It's a good time for a hissy, Peter. You failed, so you try again. My father always says—

Then let him save us.

Should have given the trunk to my father, then heat up all the star stuff. What are you, idiot?

She's cracking up. No, maybe she has a plan.

No, I do. I have a plan.

Eyes! Look at the eyes!

This amulet is my plan. The star stuff inside is my plan. So, you with us, boy, or is it suck and die?

I'm with you. I'm with you. Good.

It's better team if you want it, Peter.

Here it comes now, Peter!

Get the milk away!

Rest today, come on, Evie! The ringing of bells fills the air and Mr. Marin begins to coo, gurgle, and grow bigger every second.

Giant mouth, giant teeth, giant appetite, until the crocodile shatters through his thumb-moving enclosure, and airborne Leviathan.

So basically I'm thinking, let's get out of here! You all speak really stinking English. You ruined bedtime! English ruined everything! We captured, we killed them! Mighty ball! Yes, but keep Peter Boy and Little Miss Springtrap for me, then I will butterfly and keep fat fry. Butterfly and keep fat fry! Butterfly and keep fat fry! Butterfly and keep fat fry! Set me down, you dirty brat! I can't do another step.

That trunk is hard to find, Captain.

So it is. Elusive as the melody in Philip Glass' opera.

Rest yourself a while. Smear your tracky chest so low.

Negroni. We'll trick humans. Spawn and make her bring it hither. But how to do it? How to snare her mouth?

We can lure her, Captain.

Lure her, you say?

Stupid idea, speech.

Stupid, stupid. Lure her, yes, right down here to the mud. Speech! Speech! In which case we shall need—

a magnet! A really big magnet!

That'll attract her. I know you all love mobile places. Smeagol! You've been hit with 3 bean twisters again!

Where am I, Captain?

I caught it! Oh, Captain! Well, that'll prove me you saved all your colleagues, Smeagol!

Captain Star!

A siren song is what we need, and you're going to be the last siren we attract! Whoa! Big frog!

He's chewing on the scenery, Captain!

Not on my scene yet. Cut the theatrics, reptilian ham! I have to summon— Oh! Abandon scene! Scene abandoned! Scene! Grab anything else that will float. We're getting out of here.

No, first take me to the trunk. Remember the mission.

Forget the trunk.

The trunk is safe. It's not your decision, Peter.

Take the trunk. That's the mission. Stop it, don't wait, don't you! What is that? Oh, blinking ears!

Father, Father, oh good, he's signaling me all the way from the walls. What's it mean? It's Norse code, he's using Norse code, everyone.

Oh, sorry, I think you mean Morse code.

Not Morse code, Norse code from Norway, the ancient Vikings saying that he's a stupid?

That's ridiculous. What's he saying?

Unless I miss my guess, he's saying, Marlbelle Fern seen Queen Ferna. Then he says, when gets Molly doozy blingin', that's first take Molly to the trunk. Coom, had a high water, that's remember the mission.

Very convenient.

Soon gets it blingin' doozy plonkin', that's take the trunk down to the beach. Marlbelle Ferna, Tassie'll be in there with the longboat. Seen Hyne Ferna will be Hyne We're gonna, um, save if we can just get past the pirates and make it to the beach. If it were, I would.

And the running? You're really fast. Better than me.

But you're a better leader.

Really?

No. Come on, take it from—

The police! The police! We have to outrun them! Treat the boys with your noggin the most and follow me. Get in that practice. That's what sounds good.

I'm not leaving you.

Afraid I'll beat you to the top?

I'm in.

Over the emoras, come and get me! Bounding through the jungle and over the mountains, Peter's thoughts are only of outrunning the natives, trying to catch the frightened prawn. And the farther he runs, the further he gets from the terrible beasts who have hoarded up their smell of guilt and the darks between. And the further he runs, the more that he smiles, forsaking the others and being the leader.

Dancing and jumping and practically flying, Peter feels something entirely new.

Alive. All of a sudden, smacking his head. He touched my facebone. I can't see where I'm going.

And that's when he misses the ledge and falls.

Falling down and down, he bumps and bruises, leaving the natives with no one to chase. Banging and buffeting down a deep crevice as gravity bends And bruising a finger and leaking an eye, and Peter falling forward big time, and rushing up to meet him with a solid sheet of glass. Splash! His brute's spine broken and not his neck, not by glass at all, but by a shivering lake of cold water. Far, far from the ground.

Peter should have been drowning, he should have been afraid, but he was neither drowning nor afraid. Peter hopped to the surface, safe as you please, and began to get his bearings.

And the water was thick like oil and gold, and warm like a rich man's bath. And looking down, quietly, at Peter was Oh, Muhammad!

Well, well, nice of you to drop in. I'm a teacher. That's what we are. Notice I speak English. I know your name is Peter. I know a lot of things.

Where am I?

In a hurry. That's right, I was running away from the lawless natives.

They tried to kill us and we just wanted to get home. Yeah, life is complicated. We're going to build a raft. The water's falling. You don't need a raft to get home.

You don't even need the wolves. All you need is star stuff.

How'd you know?

I'm not sure. When you broke the trunk of the island, seawater seeped inside. Then the seawater dissolves the star stuff. Then the water attracts the fish and the whales and the snails. Then the whales— Listen, teacher! The waves wash the water right into its bottom where I be swimming.

So you used to be a fish?

Scotch salmon. This is way cooler, FYI. The star stone will change you too. It makes you what you want to be.

But why do I have to be a boy for a while? Can't I just be a boy?

Well, I suppose once you sit in the star stone—

Yeah, then what?

Sky's the limit. You can even fly a sock puppet. Or maybe just like a dream.

And find family.

In which case, you're gonna need something.

A name. Instead of Peter.

In addition to.

A family name.

And we've come up with a good one! Haven't we? And in the grotto, or in the water, or both, a voice, or an echo, or both, seemed to answer.

Pad.

What are you, boy?

I'm Peter. Pad. Pad? You mean like in the kitchen? You're just too cute.

Pad actually means two things. The first is fun, frolic, anarchy.

Ah, okay, I'm Peter Pad.

There, you're changing already.

You said pad means two things. What's the other one?

Shouldn't you be on your way?

Molly's going to beat you to that top.

Let's go, Dennis! Yes, we beat him to the top! We came in first, and I will make that very clear when he gets here.

If he gets here.

Of course he'll get here, he has to.

Face It's facts, Molly. The natives got to him and I feel terrible. We all feel terrible, but Peter's out of the running, which means we can finally settle the question of what, for a better word, one might deem leadership. Crops are flying tonight. Say what?

That red dot on the horizon. Ben, you're a genius!

Woohoo!

I'm lost behind!

My glimmers have served a stronger wind than this. Full speed ahead!

Well, they're safe.

That's good.

I wish Pete were here. No, first get the trunk down to the beach. Now move it. The night that head apprentice spent dragging the trunk down the landfill. Was worse than any night in the orphanage.

Because the rain here isn't like the rain in England. It falls like stones and hurts your head. And you can't see. Because there's trees. In front of trees. And trees smacking your face.

And you can't breathe. From the bugs.

Like the beetles.

Flying.

Crawling. Sneaking. Crunching. And they're in your mouth. And up your nose.

And down your front.

So you take cover and wait out the storm. But you can forget Forget about sleep because it's really scary out there and there's a trunk to save. And you still have to reach the beach.

I said forget about sleep. Teddy?

He's blocked out.

Peter? Peter, I—

You won't believe the most incredible thing. I meant this.

Right, well, it's good to see you, Peter. Shall we make the boys?

Been kind of a long day. Leave them be.

Just us then.

Yeah, just us. We should open the trunk, check to make sure the star stuff's okay.

No, let's not! But I want to sit in it. It's very dangerous exposure to so much of it. I don't care. Well, I do! I'm so sorry. We waited and waited, and I told them you'd come. We waited, and the rain In the dark. I was so worried.

I'm here. Do you think I've changed?

You're dead yet.

So, I meant to ask you about the thing you did.

What thing?

The kiss. The kiss?

What kiss?

The kiss. The one you gave me. Oh, the kiss. What kiss, she said. Well, what about it? It's just that nobody's ever wanted to kiss me.

Wanted to? I didn't want to. We were about to.

You were sitting there and you laughed.

For heaven's sake, stop it.

Didn't you like it? No, but it was—

You didn't like it. You didn't like it, and now you're telling me you didn't like it.

I'm not saying I didn't like it.

What are you saying?

I guess I'm just saying— I guess I'm asking you.

No, stop that right now. I won't answer any such question. You are inclined towards sentimental. Well, that's all well and good for a boy, but we girls can't afford to be sentimental. We must instead be strong. When I marry—

Marry? You thought I was asking you to marry me?

Not you, you swot. Let me go. When I marry, I will make it very clear to that person that sentimentality is not on the calendar. He will have to love it or leave it. And should he leave it, I'll stay a spinster and pin back my hair and volunteer weekends at hospital. I'll love words for their own sake, like hyacinth and hootaly and onyx. I'll have a good old dog and I'll pick what I like. I'll be a part of a different sort of family with friends, you know, who understand that things are only worth what you're willing to give up for them. Even if I may have in the face of death wanted to— I didn't say that.

Point. Good.

Well, I think that, um, now you're here, I might just rest my eyes for a minute.

No, Molly, no! The leader has to be in a—

Where's Peter?

Oh, the mollusks got him, remember? He stabbed the sun. What's for breakfast? You'll get mauled!

Did he say the sun? But if you can see the sun coming up—

If you can see the sky at all—

We must be very near the beach! Come on, boys, we've made it!

Oh, shut up, Ted! Come to me, ye shipwrecked saints.

Looky here, he waves us away this way.

Lamar.

And I see it goes easy for you with my father. Your daddy's not around, dearie. And there's more of us than there are of you. And there's more of us than anybody.

Daddy. Captain Scott. Are you two. No English fool. Prawny. Prawny. Is that you? Betty? The mistress wants more of your manicotti and apostolos to make you drool. Betty. Call me. It is you. This woman owes the English kind to me when I was kitchen slave. What? Oh. Oh. Be a prince, brawny, and let Lord Astor loose. Since you are English, I will choose my rules carefully. No, but Crawley. You English, invade our island now. What is thought is also The hateful brats arrive. Empty beach, tempting morsel, maybe a net to tuck in. They eat it, they die. Let's kill us some kitties.

So nasty, so very nasty.

So hungry, so very hungry. Look, there's a longboat.

Where's Daddy?

Food, kids, get your tasty food, kids. Oh my gosh! Yes! No, I don't! Fresh out of the bakery, yum yum yum! No!

You're mustache! My father will have your guts for garnish!

Ew! Plant sees me!

Poison fruitcake!

Prank!

Yes!

Plant beats me! Why? It's big of it! Just a silly watch! Lady matey. Plan C, speed! Morning! Oh, Mr. Spudrake! Mr. Spudrake! Oh, Long Broken is more like it! They practiced by the mangroves where we landed. The ruffians! But Alf was valiant, heroic, and ruffians? How dare! We aren't merely ruffians.

Why, we've never even been to Ruffia!

No, I don't care what you are, sir. I assure you what I am, I am telling you what I am.

Thank you, sweetie.

It is my full intent to kill this woman until she is dead, and Alfred too, unless you give me the Queen's front dress.

You are, and I'll see it goes easy for you with my father.

Your daddy's not around, dearie, and there's more of us than there are of you. And there's more of us than anybody!

Daddy, Captain Scott, why are you two—

No English fool! Brawny? Brawny, is that you? Betty! The mistress wants more of your manicotti and apostolpos. To make you drool, Betsy Colby, it is you. This woman of the English kind to me when I was kitchen slave.

What?

Oh, oh, be a prince, Brawny, and let not ask the loose. Since what English, I will choose my words carefully. No. But Brawny, you English invade our island. Now what is law is also Akasha!

Because of the contents of this trunk, Your Highness. Release my father and we'll take the trunk off the island. Nature restored and the modest slip happily ever after.

Happily ever after, my kabob, am I? You kitty cat, give me the Queen's trunk or I slit the savage's throat.

That's a terrible choice. I have a sacred duty.

Take your time. I'll count to 3.

3!

3! 3! What's that? An echo! Excellent effect. The Stars is cunning. The Stars is beguiling. The Stars is supreme. I don't think so. You. Me.

Peter Pan.

He's alive! And so we arrive in the belly of the beast. Oh my God, what am I doing? I'm sorry, please don't hurt me. I'm just a nauseous little kid. I'm not responsible. Is he crying? Seriously, are you crying? Ah, my hand!

Help me!

Right here. Yes. Looky-loo, a baby koala! Koala?

Oh, that is so unfair!

Say your goodbyes, my dear. Wait, don't you want the trunk?

No, Peter, don't!

Shh! Are you with me, guys? Got to save mother. She's more important than It's some trump, even if I never get home. Are we quite done with all the hugging and the learning? Decision. It's a better world, isn't it, boy? Now let her go. Do you know what that's mean? Do you see it? Genuine heroic sacrifice.

Inspiring, Captain! I've got goose flesh all over!

Poor Smee! How flat and uncomfortable life must be from the deck of HMS Cynic. Now, take your 80 pounds and live to see another day.

My first ever mission, and I've wrecked it.

Open it, Smee! Open— It's— it's— Bollocks, it's— I don't like it! Do we detect a pattern here? Tell me, the linguist among you, what's the internal phrase?

Empty! Captain O'Trump's empty!

So it is. Clean as the sheets in a convent. Empty? It can't be empty!

After all this time?

Where's my treasure?

The seawater got in, it must have dissolved. Dissolved?

Milsnugs, gold and diamonds don't dissolve.

But star stuff does. Is that right, Teddy?

Well, actually, you know what, Starbucks. Shh, what's Starbucks?

Doesn't matter now, nobody can get his hands on it.

Nobody gets what he wants. Enough of this nonversation! See, this is why I hate, I hate, I hate the nun! Oh my gosh!

Oh my gosh!

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you guys! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my God, oh my God! No! Wait!

Sir?

And you are?

It's me, sir!

You're quite a man! Not anymore, not anymore. There's no small part to this!

Oh, Captain, my Captain!

Crocodile tears! O' Pine, if you would, what am I to do now? One stomp, sir! Stumped? You're stumped?

Where?

It's all about you, isn't it? Selfie, selfie, selfie!

Why, sir, not me, sir!

Then go retreat with me. I'm not leaving my hands here when these children are poor.

Retreat!

You! You sacrificed willingly for the sake of a gift. Don't! Good! That was majestic. You beat the Pirate King, Pam. What say you? We merge or forge? Forge a merger! Thank you, Smee! Picture it, Pete. The ultimate pirate and his worthy opponent, Molly Piper and his me.

I run faster too.

And I'm sure your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but I am sure it doesn't. Consider the possibilities, Pam. Those forever adversaries are never-ending. I'm talking books, movies, Broadway, high school. You just tried to kill me, don't you? Forget it. You're my hero. Me? You're the thing to me name. The semi to me golem. Damn it, boy, you're the wind beneath my clipped wing. Jesus. Thanks to you, I am reborn. A complete living. Forget dirt.

Time.

Time will be our treasure. break. Of this I the intermesive bone break may have a few barnacles on her bottom. But I. Don't speak dearie. Oh God now or in my language. What's mean? No! This is all your doing, you little serpent! You single-handedly rendered me single-handed! You cut your hand off, not me! Oh, pity the child who lives in a back-faced world! You may think my ship has sailed, but I have an armada of options at my former fingertips. I may I may never be a concert violinist or a reliable juggler, but I can still win Wimbledon, and I can still destroy you! You've made your bet, Pat. Good boy. Get the hook!

North, northwest! Enormous ticking crocodile back for another snack!

Upstaging me still, you snagglety show-off! Just not today. Wait a minute. I can use a kill a croc on the crew. Bring the beast along, Smeave.

How am I to lower it?

Give it the hand. Wait, better make it last. Just give it the finger. Adieu, pants, but remember this: Wherever you call home, keep your back to the wall, because just when you least expect it, there I'll be, the starch right under your nose. I— if you believe.

Oh, Daddy, thank goodness you're safe.

Boy, you fight good, son. Fight and plot. I shall wear a hat if you will, and I shall beg Mother Sulla, allow all English to leave the island. And you be good to Betty, or I will serve you up as our dinner table.

We've made plans to run this.

I won't tell on Betty and me, and Mrs. B sent you better. Oh, Betty Von Brick is bound to break of this?

Aye, the Intermessen phone break may have a few barnacles on her bottom, but I'll scrape them off.

Don't speak, dearie. Oh, Ronnie, TTSN. Talk off now, or in my language, Chirimasu!

And then I can finally set my sights on the South Pole.

He has Arctic?

On my name's blood, Robert Falcon Scott. Trust the longboat. Good luck, Captain. Don't let the Norwegians beat you to it. Never mind you, little girl.

You'll be fine now. Not a little girl. A full-fledged shark catcher.

Oh, then, store catcher just like my wonderful father.

She deserves it, sir. Molly's the real hero.

Thanks, Daisy.

Mission fulfilled, we're heading home.

No, come with us. Come, little doggy, come. The boys can come with us.

Mother! I told you! And teacher said all we needed to get home was star stuff. I'm wrong. Who?

Who's teacher?

This tricked-out mermaid. Well, she was a fish, but she swam to the grotto and now we're going home. Wait, what's grotto? The grotto with the golden water. Did you go in that water? Yeah, it was great. Oh, he's soaked in it. We can't do this.

But it's already dissolved in the waves.

The waves that turn fish into mermaids. I'm sorry, Peter, we can't take you with us. Why? What did I do?

What is it evil or greedy in you?

We don't know what he is or what he wants to be. But I just want to be a boy for a while. That's all I ever wanted.

There, you see?

Star stuff for a while could be a very long time. I'll be good, I promise.

The boy deserves a home.

Of course he does. But he's Leonard Waltzman, you're getting slow. Peter, what if your mermaid was right? She wasn't, and neither are you. Grown-ups always lie, don't they ever do? I thought she said star stuff was all you needed to get home. But here I am. Precisely. Did she say anything else? She said I needed a family, maybe. Pan.

Pan as in all, probably.

All?

Your family name, understand? The whole island. All the ants on the beach, all the birds in the air, the mermaids, the mollusks, the pirates. The boys too, of course. Especially the boys. They're all your family.

And so suddenly to be free How do you feel? Like I'm finally out in the dark. There's a name for that feeling, Peter. Home. And here you are. And here you'll stay. Yeah, totally! Me too! Count me in! I didn't want to be alone.

No, no, no, no, no! This is just so unacceptable! We asked this to not leave boys behind!

That crazy man again! What do you want? Leave me alone! Stop! Don't touch that rope! You're going to need something to protect you. Now it seems to me we take the last of this plaster, like so, and stir vigorously. Ready as anti-clockwise, Peter lends a hand with the brain. That's all wrong, too. Just like so.

Wizard! Oh, we're here!

Come in, you little sips! I can totally do that trick. Ted, don't eat it! Nice to know I've still got it.

If you really wanted to protect him, you'd take him with us. Tide's going out, my lord.

I'm afraid it's time for goodbyes.

Leave the woman. Here's my address in London. I'm not saying you have to write me every day or anything, just when you feel like it.

You know my address. Mollie Island.

Mollusk Island.

Or maybe I'll call it Nevernight, eh? To remember. House of Hero. Wherever you get to.

To remember.

Mollie, now, it's high boat rate.

I want you to look after Princess Satenny.

Wait! 5 more minutes! Please, a story! Come on, Mummy, tell me, please!

There'll be other times, won't there?

Please, she wants to stay. She can't. But I don't want it to end. Soon, Peter, you'll forget. It won't hurt anymore.

No, it's supposed to hurt. That's how you know it meant something. This isn't the end. You're going to remember everything, every single detail.

And you're a better leader.

Really?

No.

Come on, you won't stay mad at me forever, will you?

Go on, get lost.

It's just, I'm bound to grow up, you see. What would we do?

Be friends.

In a year, that'd be hard. In 5 years, it'd be silly. In 20 years, it'd just be sad.

You sound older already. The thing you did against impossible odds, it's what the two of you will always have. The thing we did?

Against impossible odds. Yes, I wanted to. Peter walked the box, it smaller than it was, wondering about his adventure, about Molly, about that kiss.

It was the only moment in his life when Peter would teeter at the top of that rolling coaster on the verge of becoming what he always hated: a grown-up. And then, as promised, he began to forget and stayed right where he was: the outsider.

Molly, true to her word, would remember everything until late one night many years later. She stared out the nursery window as Peter flew off with her daughter in tow.

This grown-up Molly would comfort her new nanny The good old dog who tended the children.

Don't worry, Nana darling. I always hoped if Peter came to visit that my daughter would take my place. And once Wendy grows up—

I hope she will have a little girl. A little girl who will go off with her in turn.

So may we go on and on, dear Nana darling.

As long as children are young and innocent and rude and juvenile and heartless past all the jostles of life till we fly back home, home. Ahh! Help! Miss Bird! Beldy! He's chasing us! I'm going to die! It's grinding in my brain! Over here! I'm the one you want! That's the right thing to say! Okay, okay, calm down. I think— yeah, yeah, I think she wants me to race you to the bottom. No, stop! Nice to you. It's hard to believe you're still single. Wait, how am I supposed to race into the grotto if I don't run? Whoa, I can what? What'd he say? What'd he say? To have faith is to have wings. Wait a minute, did you say bracho? How would you like to just be a boy for a while? It makes you what you want to be. A lawyer? Guys, this is gonna be one awfully big adventure. Ready, ready, set, set, go!