Squidward spirals through a stream-of-consciousness rant before performing on Bikini Bottom's biggest stage, cycling between "I'm not a loser" and brutal self-doubt. A character called Four Legs taunts him while Squidward chants his way toward some kind of self-affirmation, or maybe just chaos.
Done! And done! Just in time. Breathe it in, Squidward. That's the smell of the biggest stage in Bikini Bottom. The perfume of a mother's pride and a little squid's dream. You know what to do. If we can just talk about my participation in the concert. Listen, Middle Earth, there's no way you're gonna open for us today. What? But I did what you asked. Don't make me beg. No, it seems like you're begging already, Four Legs. Yeah, you're such a loser. What did you just say to me? Loser. Oh no, no, no, no, no. I'm not going straight door. Loser! Loser! Loser! Yeah, loser! I can't work like this! Wait, what? Fine! Good! Who needs you? Don't let the cow catch you on the way out! I'm not a loser. I don't secretly hate myself. I'm not I'm singing this to no one. It's not the case that no one cares. I'm not a failure. I don't not have talent. When others see me, they can't see the nobody that isn't there. Wait, that's a triple negative. You can't not see nobody because I'm not nobody. Which cannot be seen. Let me start over. My life's not empty. They don't not like me at all. I don't not leave the house 'cause I don't not prefer to stay at home. I don't stink. I'm not a waste. I'm not all alone in thinking that I am not all alone. Maybe I am almost there. Ah, found 'em! Pace Quaker! What? You're not delirious with despair, and you're not falling through things false. Pace Quaker! This is weird. You're not hallucinating this scene, again the main chorus, by now. We're not ignoring you, you don't not have talent. When others see you, they don't see the nobody that isn't there. They don't not like me at all. I do not leave the house, 'cause I do not prefer to stay at home. They ask, I don't speak. You don't see I'm not aware. I'm not all alone in thinking that I am not supposed to be here. Where are that solo? A 5, 6, 7, 8. I'm not a loser. I'm not a loser. They don't act like me at all. At all. I will not leave the house. Leave the house. I will not prefer to stay at home. Stay at home. I don't stink. I'm not a waste. I'm not all alone in thinking that I'm not, not, not. Hi, I'm, uh, hello.
