The excerpt is a comedic musical‑theater number titled “Take Me to the Fair,” performed by a cast including Haley, Micah, Cade, and Ethan. It opens with a narrator (Speaker A) giving background on the 1960 Broadway musical starring Julie Andrews and Richard Burton, and its 2023 revival, explaining that the story centers on the forbidden love between Queen Guinevere and the French knight Lancelot during King Arthur’s establishment of the Round Table. The scene then dramatizes Guinevere’s plan to test three of her knights in battle for the honor of escorting her to a town fair. Speakers B, C, and D engage in a rapid, rhyming exchange, each boasting about defeating the French challenger, using exaggerated combat metaphors (“smash and mash,” “vivisect,” “barbecue”) and pleading for the chance to accompany the queen. The dialogue mixes medieval titles with modern slang, creating a playful, competitive atmosphere that highlights character dynamics, the theme of chivalric rivalry, and the comedic tone of the musical number.
Chapters
1960, starring Broadway stars Julie Andrews as Guinevere and Richard Burton as Arthur. This musical was revived on Broadway in 2023 with Philippa Soo and Andrew Burnham. This fun musical tells the story of the forbidden love between Guinevere and French knight Lancelot during the height of Arthur's establishment of the Order of the Round Table. In taking to the fair, Guinevere convinces three of her knights to test Lancelot in battle, and if they win, they win her favor. We now present "Take Me to the Fair" featuring Haley, Micah, Cade, and Ethan.
Sir Lionel.
Your Majesty.
Do you recall the other night that I distinctly said you might serve as my escort at the next town fair? Well, I'm afraid there's someone new I must invite to place in view. Someone who plainly is beyond compare. That Frenchman's power is more trump than than I have ever seen anywhere. And when a man is that stupendous, he by right should take me to the fair.
Your Majesty, let me tilt with him and smite him. Don't refuse me so abruptly, I implore. Oh, give me the opportunity to fight him, and Gaul will be divided once more.
You will bash and thrash him? I'll smash and mash him. You'll give him trouble?
You will hear a mighty whack!
His skull will crack! Well, then you may take me to the fair if you do all the things you promise. In fact, my heart would break should you not take me to the fair. Mr. Sagamore.
Your Majesty.
I have some rather painful news relative to the subject who's to be beside me at the next court ball. You are the chosen one, I know, but as tradition, it should go to the unquestioned champion in the hall. And I'm convinced that splendid Frenchman can easily conquer one and all and besting all the No, no, henceforth he shall sit beside me at the ball.
I beg of you, ma'am, withhold your invitation. I assure you that this challenge will be met. And when I've finished up the operation, I'll serve him to your finest La Crochette.
You'll pierce right through him?
I'll barbecue him!
A wicked thrust!
Thrilling dust to dust!
From fore to aft!
You feel the trough!
Well, then you may still find me at the ball if you demolish him in battle. In fact, I know I'd cry were you not by me at the ball. Third bit of head.
What do you mean?
Didn't I promise that you may come to London on the day that I go up and catch the cattle show? As it is quite a nasty ride, there must be someone at my side who'll be defending me from beasts and foes. So when I choose who I bring for a go, I take the strongest knight I know. And young Du Lac seems strongest for a go. He should save me through the cattle show.
Your Majesty can't believe his posturing crap. Let him prove it with a sword or axe instead. I promise you, when I'm done with Gordy Battle, his shoulders will be lonesome from his head.
You'll disconnect him?
I will vivisect him.
You'll open wide him?
I will subdivide him.
Dear, then you may guide me to the show. If you can carry out your program, I know my brave inside should not lightly turn the show.
Believe in me, jump foot and head too. I gave it back of voice and nerve. When we do all that we intend to, we'll be afraid of French orders.
