The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night- Time (Riverton Highschool)
This YouTube video presents an extended, highly stylized stage adaptation of Mark Haddon's novel The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night‑Time, performed by a cast portraying Christopher Boone, his teacher Siobhan, his father Ed, and various unnamed speakers. The first half of the script follows Christopher’s frantic discovery of Wellington the dog’s death, his interrogation by police, and his decision to investigate the murder, revealing his father’s involvement. The second half (this section) shifts to a surreal London underground setting where Christopher, disoriented, asks for directions to a fictitious address while Siobhan attempts to guide him. The dialogue spirals into chaotic exchanges about trains, tickets, and a pet rat named Toby, interspersed with meta‑theatrical asides (e.g., “stand behind the yellow line”). Family tension escalates as Ed confronts Christopher about the murder, while Siobhan offers emotional support. The scene then moves to Christopher’s A‑level maths exam, where he struggles to read the questions, receives limited assistance, and ultimately explains his solution to a right‑angled‑triangle problem using Pythagoras’ theorem, earning an A. The play concludes with a celebratory acknowledgment of Christopher’s achievements, his future academic ambitions, and a reaffirmation of his agency after solving the mystery of Wellington’s death. Throughout, the script blends literal dialogue, internal monologue about stars and light‑pollution, and absurdist humor, highlighting themes of neurodiversity, autonomy, family dysfunction, and the quest for knowledge.
Chapters
Thank you very much for coming to tonight's performance of the play I wrote. We all want you to enjoy this play, so please turn off and put away your mobile phones because Schwan says using them during a performance is very rude. And you can also use the toilet and buy a treat during the 10-minute intermission. Now please enjoy my play, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.
What have you done?
Oh no, oh why? It was 7 minutes after midnight.
The dog was lying on the grass in the middle of the lawn in front of Mrs. Shears' house. Its eyes were closed. It looked as if it were running on its side, the way dogs run when they think they're chasing a cat in a dream. But the dog is not running or asleep. The dog is dead.
Get away from my dog.
There was a guy before us looking at the dog. The dog was called Wellington. It belonged to Mrs. Shears, who was our friend. She lived on the opposite side of the road, two houses to the left.
Get away from my dog.
My name is Christopher John Francis Boone. I live at 36 Randall Street, Swindon, Wiltshire. I know all the countries of the world, capital cities, and every prime number up to 7,507.
Get away from my dog, for Christ's sake!
After 12 and a half minutes, the police had arrived. He had big autumn leaves stuck to the bottom of his shoe, which was poking out from one side. This is good, Christopher. I like the details, and it's quite exciting. He squatted down next to me. And he said to me—
Would you like to tell me what's going on here, young man?
I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I'm a good person. It's because I cannot tell lies.
The dog is dead. I got that. I think someone killed the dog. How old are you? I'm 15 years, 3 months, and 2 days. Not precisely what you're doing in the garden. I'm talking to you. Okay, what were you doing in the garden? I was holding the dog. Why were you holding the dog? Because I like dogs.
Did you kill the dog?
I did not kill the dog. You seem very upset about this.
I'm going to have to ask you once again.
Young man, I'm going to have to ask you Stop making that noise and stand up, please. Follow me quietly.
Great.
I'm arresting you for assaulting a police officer. I strongly advise you get in the back of that police car, and if you try anything, that monkey will see you, you stupid idiot. I'm seriously going to lose my marbles.
Is that understood?
I find this confusing. This is for two main reasons. The first main reason is that people do a lot of talking without using any words. Oh look, Siobhan says that if you raise one eyebrow, it can mean lots of different things. It can mean, "I'm going to do sex with you." I never said that!
Yes, you did.
I didn't use those words, Christopher.
You did, on September 12th last year at first break.
And it can also mean, "I think that what you just said was very stupid." Would you empty your pockets onto the desk, please?
Is that in case I have anything in them that I could use to kill myself or escape or attack a policeman with? That's right. I have a Swiss Army knife. But I only use that for doing odd jobs, not for stabbing things or hurting people.
Show me what you can do.
A piece of string.
A piece of a wooden puzzle. 3 pellets of rat food.
A key for the front door. A Swiss Army knife with 13 attachments.
Including a white slipper and a sock and a toothpick and these.
Can you take your watch off, please, Christopher?
No.
I'm sorry, Christopher. I need my watch to know exactly what time it is. You hear that? Right, son, you keep it. Do you have any family, Christopher? Yes, I do. And who is your family? Father and mother, but mother is dead, and also Uncle Terry who lives in Sunderland, and my grandparents too, but 3 of them are dead, and Grandma Bert is in a home because she has senile dementia and thinks I'm someone on television.
Right.
Look, do you know your father's phone number, Christopher?
I could see the Milky Way as they drove me towards the town centre.
Review.
Some people think our galaxy is a long line of stars, but it isn't. Our galaxy is a huge disc of stars millions of light-years across. And for a long time, scientists were puzzled at the fact that the sky is dark at night, even though there are billions of stars in the sky.
Is that right? Christopher, Mr.
Moon, would you come this way, please? Are you going to interview me and record the interview? No, I don't think there will be any need for that. I spoke to your father and he says that you did mean to hit the policeman. Did you mean to hit the policeman? Yes. But you didn't mean to hurt the policeman? No, I didn't mean to hurt the policeman. I just wanted him to stop. Stop touching me. You know that it's wrong to hit a policeman, don't you?
Yes.
Did you kill the dog, Christopher? I did not kill the dog. You know that it's wrong to lie to a policeman and that you can get into a very great deal of trouble if you do. I do. Do you know who killed the dog?
No.
Are you telling the truth?
Yes, I always tell the truth. Right.
I'm going to give you a caution. Is that going to be on a piece of paper, like a certificate I can keep? No, a caution means that we're going to keep a record of what you did. That you killed a policeman, but that it was an accident, and that you didn't mean to hurt him first. But it wasn't an accident!
Christopher!
Please. And if you get into any more trouble, and you take out this record and see that you have been given a caution, you will take things much more seriously. Do you understand what I'm saying?
The second main reason I find people confusing is that people often talk using metaphors. These are examples of metaphors: I'm seriously going to lose my marbles.
She was the apple of their eye.
They had a skeleton in the cupboard.
We had a real pig in the day.
The dog was stone dead.
The word metaphor means carrying something from one place to another, and it is not used to describe something by using a word for something that it isn't. This means that the word metaphor is a metaphor.
Wow, that's clever.
It's true.
Yes.
I think it should be called a lie because a pig is not like a pig, and people do not have skeletons in their cupboards. And when I try and make a picture of the phrase in my head, it just confuses me because imagining an apple in someone's eye doesn't have anything to do with our use of the word, and it makes you forget how someone I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I didn't kill Wellington.
I, I— Christopher, you've got to try and stay out of trouble, okay?
I didn't know I was going to get into trouble. I like Wellington and I went to go say hello to him. I didn't know that someone had killed him.
Just try and keep your nose out of other people's business.
I'm going to try and find out who killed Wellington.
Were you listening to what I was just saying?
Yes, I was listening to what you were just saying, but when someone gets murdered, you have to find out who did it so they can be punished.
It's a bloody dog, Christopher.
A bloody dog? I think dogs are important too. I think some dogs are better than some people. Nicholas, for example, who comes to school on Thursdays. He's help eating his food and he probably couldn't even fetch a stick.
Leave it.
I wonder if the police will find out who killed Wellington and punish the murderer.
I said leave it, for God's sake!
Are you sad about Wellington?
Yes, Christopher, you could very well say that.
Mother died 2 years ago. I came home from school one day and no one answered the door. So I went and found the secret key that we keep hidden under a flower pot outside the kitchen window. I let myself into the house and wiped my feet on the mat. I put the key in the bowl on the on the table. I took my coat off and hung it by the side of the fridge so I'd be ready for school the next day. And I gave 3 pillops of rat food to Toby, my pet rat. I made myself a raspberry milkshake and heated it up in the microwave. Then I went up to my bedroom and played 6 games of Tetris and I got to level 38, which is my 4th best ever score. An hour later, Father came home from work.
Christopher, have you seen your mother?
No.
He went downstairs and started making some phone calls. I did not hear what he said. Then he came up to my bedroom and said he had to be out for a while and he wasn't sure how long he would be. He said that if I needed anything, I should call him on his mobile phone. He was away for 2 and a half hours. When he came home, I went downstairs.
I'm afraid you won't be seeing your mother for a while.
Why not?
She's had to go in the hospital.
Can we visit her? No. Why can't we?
She needs to be on her own. She needs rest.
Is it a psychiatric hospital?
No, it's an ordinary hospital. Miss Elizabeth. She's a problem. A problem with her heart.
I'll make her a get-well card. If I make her a get-well card, will you bring it in for her tomorrow?
How are you today, Christopher?
I'm very well, thank you.
That's good.
In the bus on the way to school, we passed 4 red cars in a row.
Oh!
Yes, so today is a good day.
That's great, swim class!
I've decided I'm going to try and find out who killed Wellington because a good day is a day for projects and planning things.
Who's Wellington?
Wellington is a dog who used to belong to Mr. Shears but is dead now because someone killed him by putting a garden fork through him. And I found him and then a policeman thought I killed him but I hadn't. And then policeman tried to punch me so I hit him and then he had to go to the police station. And I'm going to find out who killed him and make it a project. Even though Father told me not to.
Did he?
Yes.
I see.
I don't always do as I'm told.
Why?
Because when people tell you what to do, it is usually confusing and does not make sense. For example, people often say, "Be quiet," but they never tell you how long to be quiet for.
Never?
Why did your father tell your mother to try to find out who killed Wellington?
I don't know.
Well, if your father's told you not to do something, maybe you shouldn't do it. We're meant to be writing stories today, so why don't you write about the pattern Wellington?
Okay, I will.
Christopher, I'm sorry.
Your mother's died. She had a heart attack. It wasn't expected.
What kind of heart attack?
Christopher, I don't know what's happening right at the second. Now isn't the time to be asking those types of questions.
It was probably an animal.
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
That evening, I went round to Mrs. Shears' house and knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.
Yes. What are you doing here?
I wanted to come and tell you that I didn't kill Wellington and that I'm going to try and find out who did kill him.
No, I'm not sure I really want to see you right now, Mr. Warren.
Do you know who killed Wellington?
If you don't go now, I will call the police again.
Reverend Peters, where is heaven? I am sorry, Christopher. In our universe, whereabouts is it exactly? It's not in our universe. It's another kind of place altogether. There isn't anything outside our universe, Reverend Peters. There isn't any other kind of place altogether. Except there might be if you go through a black hole. But a black hole is what is called a singularity, which means it's impossible to find out what is on the other side because the gravity of a black hole is so big that even electromagnetic waves like light can't escape it. And electromagnetic waves are how we get information about things which are far away from us. And if heaven was on the other side of a black hole, dead people would have to be fired into space on a rocket to get there, and if they aren't, all people wouldn't notice. Well, when I say heaven is outside our universe, it's really It's really just a matter of speaking. I suppose what it really means is that they are with God. But where is God? Christopher, we should talk about this on another day, when I have more time.
The next day was Saturday, and there's not much to do on Saturday unless Father takes me out somewhere on an outing, to the boating lake or to the garden center. But on this Saturday, he We lived with a label, maniac couple, which meant that Father wanted to stay home and watch the telly. So I made a decision. I decided to do some more detection. I decided to go out on my own. I do not like strangers, so talking to other people on the street is great. But if you're going to do detective work, you have to be brave. So I had no choice.
Who are you?
I'm Christopher Boone, and I know you. You're Mrs. Paulson.
I'm Mrs. Thompson's sister.
Do you know who killed Wellington?
Who?
Mrs. Shears' dog.
Someone killed a dog?
With a ball. A guard dog. Do you know who killed him? I haven't heard of him. Did you see anything suspicious on Thursday evening?
Look, do you really think you should go around asking questions like this?
Yes, because I want to find out who killed him, and I'm writing a book about it. Well, I was in Colchester on Thursday, so you can't Thank you for helping with my investigation.
It's Christopher, isn't it?
Yes, yes it is. Um, do you know Hugh Wellington?
No, I don't get it. I'm sorry, I don't get it.
Did you see anything suspicious on Thursday evening that might be a clue?
Like what?
Like strangers or the sound of people arguing.
Maybe you should talk to Father about this.
I can't talk to Father about this because he told me to keep out of other people's business.
Well, maybe He has a point.
So you don't know anything that might be a clue?
No, but keep your safe out there, young man.
I will.
Thank you for helping with my investigation.
Do you know who killed Wellington?
Look at this policeman with the eyes in the underarm, eh?
Oh, um, hello? Hello.
Do you know anything about Wellington getting killed?
Oh no, um, but I heard about it yesterday. Dreadful. Really dreadful.
Well, someone must know who killed Wellington, because the person who killed Wellington knows they killed Wellington. Unless they were a loony person Well, unless they had amnesia.
Right, well, um, you're Christopher, aren't you?
Yes, I live at number 36.
I don't believe we've spoken before, have we?
No, I don't talk to strangers, but I'm doing detective work.
Well, um, I see you going to school every day on the school bus, and I'm out walking my dog. Is it very nice of you to come and say hello? This is only because you are doing this video.
Thank you, dear. This is pure—
I have friends on your age.
My age is 15 years, 3 months, and 3 days.
Well, I don't know what your name is.
I'm pleased to meet you, Julie.
You don't have a dog, do you?
No.
I bet you'd like a dog though, wouldn't you?
I have a rat. A rat? He's called Code.
Code?
Most people don't like rats. Rats because they think they carry strange diseases like bubonic plague, but that's only because they stowed away on ships coming from foreign countries where there were strange diseases, but rats are very clean.
All right, well, um, would you like to come in for tea?
No, I don't go into other people's houses.
Oh, well, um, perhaps I could bring tea out here then.
Do you like lemon bakers?
Fondue.
I only like fondue.
Well, luckily I have got some Van Bergh. Have you had some Van Bergh before?
I don't know whether I would like Van Bergh because I do not know what Van Bergh is.
Oh, um, well, it's a sort of cake. It has marshmallows on top.
Is it a long cake with a square cross-section? They could be either. Equally divided into alternately colored and equally spaced squares?
Yes, I think you could describe it that way.
Then I think I would like the pink squares but not the yellow squares because I do not like yellow, and I don't know what marzipan is, so I don't know whether I would like that either.
I'm afraid marzipan is yellow as well, so perhaps I should just give you cookies. You do like cookies.
Some sort of police.
All right then, my book is Ace of Nashua.
She moved very slowly because she was an old lady, and she was inside the house for more than 6 minutes. Now I began to get nervous because I didn't know whether she was telling the truth about getting orangeade and battering her cake. And I began to think that she might be ringing the police, and then I'd get into much more serious trouble because of the coffee.
So I walked away.
Yeah!
Why would you kill a dog?
I wouldn't.
I think you would only kill a dog if A, you hated the dog, or B, B) You were a loony person. Or C) You wanted to make Mrs. Shears sad. I don't know anyone who hated Wellington, so if it was A) it was probably a stranger. I don't know any loony people either, so if it was B) it was also probably a stranger. But most murders are committed by someone known to the victim. Victor, in fact, you are most likely to be murdered by a member of your own family on Christmas Day.
Is that a fact?
Yes, it is a fact, actually. So Wellington was therefore most likely murdered by someone known to him, and I only knew one person who didn't like Mrs. Shears, and that's Mr. Shears, who left Mrs. Shears with his two to go live somewhere else, and he knew Wellington very well indeed. So Mr. Shears is my prime suspect.
Oh, Christopher, you can't say that!
I'm going to find out more about Mr. Shears.
Christopher!
Mr. Goodwin, nobody has ever taken an ill-lover in this school.
He can be the first, then.
I don't know that we have the facilities to allow him to do that.
Then get the facilities.
I can't treat Christopher differently to any other student.
Why not?
Because everyone else would want to be treated differently.
So?
So Christopher can take his A-levels later when he's 18, which is the age everyone else takes theirs.
No, no, don't you think he's getting a crap enough deal from you already?
Without you crapping on him from this great height as well?
I mean, this is something that he's really, really good at.
Maybe we should talk about this later on our own.
Are there things you're too embarrassed to say in front of Christopher?
No, it's not that.
Say it now then.
If Christopher takes the test now, he would need a member of staff, a supervisor, there in the room with him when he takes them.
I'll pay for it. We can do it after school. Here, um, 50 quid. Is that enough?
Mr. Boone—
I'm not taking no for an answer. Where have you been?
I've been out.
I've just got a call from Mrs. Shears. What were you doing poking around her garden?
I was doing investigating, trying to find out who killed Wellington.
Christopher, how many times do I have to tell you? Keep your nose out of other people's business.
I think Mr. Shears probably killed Wellington. I will not have that man's name mentioned in my house!
Why not?
That man is evil.
Does that mean that he might have killed Wellington?
Christopher, I'm going to say this for the last and final time. I will not repeat myself again. Look at me when I'm talking to you. For God's sake, look at me! You are not to go asking Mrs. Shears who killed that bloody dog. You are not to go asking anyone who killed that bloody dog. You are to stop trespassing in other people's gardens. You are to stop this bloody ridiculous detective game right now.
Christopher, I'm going to make you promise me, and you know what it means when I make you promise.
I think I would make a very good astronaut.
Yes, mate, you probably would.
To be a good astronaut, you have to be intelligent, and I'm intelligent. You also have to understand how machines work, and I'm good at understanding how machines work.
And you also have to be someone who wouldn't mind being on their own in a tiny spacecraft thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away from the surface of the Earth and not panic or be claustrophobic or homesick or insane. And I really like little spaces so long as there's no one else in them with me, I've noticed.
Sometimes when I want to be on my own, I go into the laundry room and slide in beside the boiler and pull the door closed behind me and sit there, and I think that's for hours and it makes me feel very calm.
So I would have to be an astronaut on my own or have my own part of the spacecraft that no one else could come into. And there are no yellow or brown things in the spacecraft, so that would be okay too. And I would still have to talk to people through Mission Control, but we would do that through through a radio link-up and television monitors. So it wouldn't be like talking to real people who are strangers, but it would be like playing a computer game, which you like. And I wouldn't be homesick at all because I would be surrounded by lots of things which I like, which are maths and outer space and computers And I would have a little window in the spacecraft that I could look out of and know that there is no one near me but thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of miles.
Christopher!
Yes?
Let's just—
let's just give it a bit of a break, please.
And know that there was no one else near me but thousands and thousands of miles. Which is what I sometimes pretend at night in the summer when I come and lie on the lawn and look up at the sky. I put my hands by the sides of my face so I can't see the fence and the chimney and the clothesline, and I can pretend I'm in space, and all I can see are these stars. Stars are the things where life was made of millions of years ago. For example, all that iron in your blood which stops you from being anemic was made in a star. I might get invited to bring Toby with me into space. And that might be allowed. Oh, because they sometimes do bring people and animals into space for experiments. So if I think of a good experiment that you could do with a rat that didn't hurt the rat, I could let them let me take Toby.
But if they didn't let me, I would still go because it would be a dream come true.
Father said—
I see.
That's a pity.
So the book is finished.
Well, Christopher, if your father's told you to stop, then I think you should stop, because I'm sure he'd He probably has a good reason for it too. But you can still be very proud of what you've written so far because it's amazing.
It isn't a proper book. Why not? Because it doesn't have a proper ending. I never found out who killed Wellington, so the murderer is still at large.
Well, not all murders are solved and not all murderers are caught.
Father said— that Mr. Shears was an evil man and that I was never to mention his name in our house again. Do you know why he said that?
I think you should do what your father tells you to do.
Oh, Christopher!
What happened to you the other day?
I came back out here and you were gone. I had to eat all of those biscuits by myself. I was looking forward to our little chat, you know.
I don't do chatting. I don't like it.
Yeah, no, I don't suppose you do. Do you like computers then?
Yes, I have a computer in my room.
I know, I can see you sitting at your computer in your room sometimes when I look across the street.
And I like maths. And outer space, and taking care of Toby, my pet rat.
I bet you're very good at maths, aren't you?
Yes, I'm going to be taking A-levels next semester, and I'm going to get an A*. Really?
A-level maths?
Yes, I'm the first person at my school to be taking A-levels because everyone else in my school is stupid. Except I'm not meant to say that. Call them that, even though it is what they are.
All right, well, I am very impressed, and I hope you do this ASAP.
I will.
Okay, well, the only other thing I know about you is that your favorite color is not yellow.
No, and it's not brown either. My favorite colors are red and metal color. Do you know anything about Mr. Shears?
Oh, uh, not really. I mean, I knew him well enough to say hello, but I didn't really know anything about him. I think he worked at the National Westminster Bank in town.
Father said that he was an evil man. Do you know why he said that?
Uh, perhaps it would be best not to talk about it. About these things, Christopher.
Why?
Well, because perhaps your father's right and you shouldn't go around asking questions about it.
Why not?
Well, because obviously he's going to find it very upsetting.
Why is he going to find it very upsetting?
Okay, look, um, Christopher, I think you might know why your father doesn't like Mr.
Shears very much.
Did Mr. Shears kill mother?
What?
Did he kill her?
Good gracious, Christopher, no, of course he didn't kill your mother.
But he did give her stress so that she died of a heart attack.
I honestly don't know what you're talking about.
Or did he hurt her so that she had to go into hospital?
Did she have to go to hospital?
Yes, it wasn't very serious at first, but then she had a heart attack.
Oh my goodness. And I. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, I never realized.
Why did you say, "I think you know why your father doesn't like Mr. Shears very much." Oh, okay.
Perhaps you and I should take a walk in the park together. This isn't really the sort of place to be talking about these kinds of things. Okay, listen, I'm going to tell you something. You must promise not to tell your father that I told you this, okay?
Why? Please just trust me. Okay, I promise.
All right, so your mother before she died, was very good friends with Mr. Shears.
I don't.
No, Christopher, I don't think you do. I mean to say that they were, you know, very, very good friends.
Do you mean they were having sex?
Yes, Christopher, that's what I mean. Okay, Christopher, I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to say anything that would upset you, but Is that why Mr. Shears left Mrs. Shears? Because he was doing sex with someone else while still being married to Mrs. Shears?
Yes, I expect so.
I think I should go now.
Are you going to be okay, Christopher?
I can't feel my own with you because you're a stranger.
I'm not really a stranger, Christopher, I am a friend.
Have you told your father about this?
No.
Are you going to tell your father about this?
No.
Did it make you sad to find this out?
To find what out?
Did it make you sad to find out that your mother was having an affair with Mr.
Shields? No.
Are you telling the truth?
Yes.
I always tell the truth. It didn't make me feel sad because Mother is dead. So I would be feeling sad about something that isn't real and doesn't exist, and that would be stupid.
What was your mother like? Do you remember much about her?
I remember the 20th of July, 2008. It was a Sunday. We were on holiday in Cornwall. I was 9 years old. We were on a beach in a place called Polperro. And Mother wasn't swimming. She was sunbathing on a red and purple striped towel. And she was reading a book called The Master Race. And when she was finished sunbathing, she stood up and moved into the water a little way.
Said, 'Bloody Nora is cold.' Bloody Nora is cold.
And then she said I should come into the water a little way and join her, but I don't like swimming because I don't like taking my clothes off. And she said I should just roll up my trousers and come 'Come to the water a little way.' So I did, and Mother said, 'Christopher, look, it's lovely.' And then she jumped backwards and disappeared under the water, and I thought sharks had eaten her, so I screamed. And then she stood up out of the water and came over to where I was standing, and she raised her right hand and spread her fingers out like a fan.
Come on, Christopher, touch my hand. Come on now, no, no, stop screaming. Touch my hand. Listen to me, Christopher, you can do it. It's okay, Christopher, it's okay. There are no sharks in here.
When we were inside the park, Alexander stopped walking and said, "I'm going to say something to you, but you must promise not to tell your father that I told you this. Your mother, before she died, was very good friends with Mr.
Shields." And other times, Mother used to say, Oh, Christopher, if I hadn't married your father, I think I'd be living in a little farmhouse in the south of France with someone called Jean, and he'd be a local handyman, you know, doing painting and decorating for people, gardening, building fences. We'd have a French bulldog and a veranda with pigs growing over it. And there would be sunflowers growing up the garden, and a little town on a hill in the distance. And we'd sit outside in the evening and drink red wine and smoke French cigarettes and watch the sun go down.
What is this?
It's a book I'm writing.
Is it true? Did you speak to Mrs. Alexander?
Yes.
Oh, Christopher, how stupid are you? What did I tell you, Christopher?
You told me to never mention Mr. Shears' name in our house again. You're not good asking Mrs. Shears or anyone who killed that that bloody dog, to stop trespassing on other people's gardens, and to stop this bloody ridiculous detective game. Except I haven't done any of those things. I was just talking to Mrs.
Alexander because we were doing chatting. Don't give me that wallet. You knew exactly what you were doing.
I've read the bloody book, remember? What else did I say to you, Christopher?
I don't know.
Come on, Memory Man, not to go sticking your nose into other people's business. And what do you do? You go around and you stick your nose into everyone else's business.
You go around, dig up the past, and share it with every Tom, Dick, and Harry you bump into.
What am I going to do with you, Christopher?
What am I going to do? I wasn't doing investigating, I was I was just talking to Mrs. Alexander.
I asked you to do one thing for me, Christopher. One thing.
I didn't want to talk to Mrs. Alexander. It was Mr. Alexander who wanted to talk to me.
I need a drink.
I'm sorry I hit you.
I didn't mean to.
I love you very much. Don't ever forget that. I just hate to see you getting into trouble. I don't want to see you get hurt.
Where's my book?
Christopher, you do understand that I love you.
Is it in the dustbin at the front of the house?
The next day when I got home from school, Father was still at work, so I decided to look for my book. I went outside and looked inside the dustbin. But the book wasn't there. I wondered if Father had put it into his van and took it to the dump and put it into one of the big bins there, but I did not want that to be true because then I could never see it again. One other possibility was that Father had hidden my book somewhere in the house, so I decided to do some detecting and see if I could find it.
I started by looking I'm hiding in the kitchen. Then I detected in the laundry room.
Then I detected in the dining room. Then I detected the living room. Yep, I found the missing wheel from my airfix Messerschmitt Bf 109 G6 model under the sofa. Then I went upstairs, but I didn't do any detecting in my own room because I reasoned that Father wouldn't hide things away in my own room unless he was being very clever and 3-foot-sported double bluff like they do in real mystery novels. So I decided to look in my own room only if I I couldn't find the book anywhere else.
I just had to do the bathroom.
But the only place to look here was in the medicine cabinet, and there was nothing in there, which meant the only room left to check was Father's bedroom. I started by looking under the bed. There were 5 shoes and a comb with lots of hair in it, a monkey wrench, a chocolate chip cookie, and a magazine called Men Only, and a pair of underpants from TJ Maxx with a little bit of pee left in them, and a Scooby-Doo tie, and a wooden spoon— not my wooden spoon. Then I looked in the drawers on either side of the dressing table. But these only contained aspirin, nail fillers, batteries, dental floss, tissues, and a spare false tooth and a tampon. But my book wasn't there either. Then I looked in his wardrobe. In the bottom of the wardrobe was a large plastic toolbox which was full of tools for doing DIY, which means doing it yourself. But I could see these without opening the box because it was made of transparent grey plastic. Then I saw that there was another box underneath the toolbox.
The other box was an old cardboard box and is sometimes called a shirt box because people used to buy shirts in it. And when I opened the shirt box, I saw my book was inside it.
Then I heard Father's van pulling up outside the house, and I knew I had to think fast and clever. I heard Father shutting the door of the van, and that is when I saw the envelope. It was an envelope addressed to me, and it was lying within my book in the shelf box with some other envelopes. I picked it up. It had never been opened.
It said, "For Suprabhu, 36-month-old son." Green Swindon, Wiltshire.
Then I noticed there were lots of envelopes and they were all addressed to me, and this was interesting and confusing. And I noticed how the words Christopher and Swindon were written. They were written like this: Christopher Swindon. I only know of 3 people who do little circles instead of dots over the letter I, and one of them was your mom, and one of them was Mr. Loxley who used to teach at the school, and one of them was mother.
Hello?
Hello?
How was your day, young man?
It was good.
Um, today we studied life skills with Chabon. We started using public transport and money. And for lunch, I had tomato soup and 3 red apples. And then we went on a walk in the park with Mr. Davis to collect leaves for doing collages.
Excellent. What do you plan for the chow tonight?
Baked beans and broccoli.
Yeah, I think that could be very easily arranged. I'm just going to put those shelves up in the living room, if that's all right with you. It'll be a little bit noisy, so if you want to watch the television, we'll have to shift it upstairs.
I'll go and be on my own in my room.
Good man.
So I went into my room, and when I was in the room, I shut the door and took out the envelope. I opened the envelope. Inside was a letter, and this is what was written in the letter.
451C Chapter Road, Wilson, London, NW2 5NB, 0208 887 8907. Dear Chris Brown, I was looking through some old photos last night which made me sad. But then I found one of you playing with the old train set we bought for you a couple Christmases ago. And that made me happy because it was one of the really good times we had together. Do you remember how you played with it all day and you refused to go to bed at night because you were still playing with it? We told you about train timetables and you made a train timetable and made the train run on time. And there was a little wooden station too, and we showed you how people who wanted to get on a train went to the station. And bottles begin to connect up on a tray, and you played with it for weeks and weeks and weeks. I liked remembering that a lot. You still haven't written to me yet, Christopher. I know you're probably still angry with me. I'm sorry, Christopher, but I still love you. I hope you don't stay angry with me forever, and I would really love it if you were able to write me a letter. I think about you all the time. Lots of love, your mum.
I was really confused. Mother had never written me a letter before, and Mother had never lived in London. I looked at the front of the envelope and I saw that it was postmarked the 16th of October, 2013, which meant that the letter was posted 18 months after Mother had died. When I started writing my book, there was only one mystery to solve. Now there were two. But I decided that I would not leave I didn't talk about it anymore that night because I didn't have enough information.
It would easily lead to the wrong conclusions.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Give me a coat. Hang it up. How was school?
It was good, thank you. Joseph Fleming took his trousers off and went to the toilet, all over the floor of the changing room, and then he started to eat it. Did he?
Yes, sir.
But Mr. Davis stopped him.
Oh, good old Mr. Davis.
Joseph eats everything. He once ate a 50-pound nut from his mother's womb, and he bangs his chin and screams a lot.
Yeah, I know how he feels. Ah, Christopher, I've got to go out.
Why?
A lady's called. The cellar's flooded. I've got to go and fix it.
Is it an emergency?
Yes, mate.
It is raining very heavily. It is. The rain looks like white sparks.
Listen, are you going to be okay if I go out?
Yes, I will, because there's nobody about because everyone is staying indoors.
Good, good.
Gulab? I like looking at the rain.
Terrific.
I like it because it makes me think how all the water in the world is connected. Does it? Yes. This water, this rain, has evaporated from somewhere like the Gulf of Mexico, maybe. —bath and bed, and now it is falling in front of our house.
I'll have my mobile with me. Yes. So you can call me if you need anything. Yes. Be a good lad, you see. Yeah? Yeah.
So I went into his bedroom and opened up the wardrobe and lifted the toolbox off the top of the shirt box and opened the shirt box. I counted out the letters. There were There were already 3 of them. They were all addressed to me in the same handwriting. I took one and opened it.
Inside was this letter: 451C Chapter Road, Wilson, London, NW2 5MG 0208878907. Dear Christopher, I said I would come by and explain to you why I went to away when I had the time to do it properly. Now I have lots of time. So I'm sitting on the sofa here with this letter and the radio on, so I'm going to try and explain. I was not a very good mother, Christopher. Maybe if things had been different. Maybe. If you'd have been different, I might have been different. But that's just the way things turned out. I'm not like your father. Your father's a much more patient person. He just gets on with things, and if things upset him, he doesn't let it show. That is not the way I am, and there's nothing I can do. Changes. Remember once when we were shopping in town together and we went into Bunnings and it was really crowded and we had to get a Christmas present for Grandma and you were frightened because of all the people in the shop and you crouched down on the floor and put your hands over your ears and you were in the way of everyone and I got cross because I don't like shopping at Christmas disappear. And I tried to pick you up and move you, but you shouted and knocked those mixes off the shelf, and there was a big crash. And everyone turned around to see what was going on, and there were boxes and bits of string and bits of broken bowl on the floor. Everyone was staring, and I saw that you had cut yourself. And I became so cross, I just wanted to take you out of the shop, but you wouldn't let me touch you, and you just I just had to wait until you stopped screaming. And I remember that night, I just cried and cried and cried. Your father was really nice about it at first. He made you supper and put you to bed and said these things happen and it would be okay. But I said I couldn't take it anymore and eventually he got really cross and told me I was being stupid and should pull myself together and so I hit him! Which was wrong. But I was so upset. We had a lot of arguments like that, Christopher, and eventually we stopped talking to each other very much because we knew it would always end up in an argument. And I felt— I really loved you.
And that was when I started spending lots of time with Roger.
And that was when I started spending lots of time with Roger. But I know you might not understand any of this, but I wanted to try and explain so that you knew.
We had a lot in common, and then we realized that we were in love.
I said I couldn't leave you, and he was really sad about that. He understood that you were really important to me.
You started to shout and I got cross and I threw the food across the room, which I know I shouldn't have done.
You grabbed the chopping board and you threw it and it hit my foot and broke my toes. Afterwards at home, your father and I had a huge argument and I couldn't walk properly for a month. Do you remember? And your father had to look after you.
And I remember looking at this to you and seeing you together and seeing how you were acting with him. You seemed much calmer.
And that made me so sad because it was like you didn't believe me at all.
And I think then I realized you and your father were probably better off if I wasn't living in the house.
And that's when Roger asked me if I wanted to come with him. And I meant to say goodbye, but when I rang your father, he said I couldn't. He said I couldn't— He said I couldn't talk to you. And I didn't know what to do.
He said I was being selfish and that I was never to set foot inside the house again. So I haven't. I'm not sure if you can understand any of this.
I know it will be difficult for you to. I thought I was just doing what was best for everyone. I hope it still is.
Christopher, I never meant to hurt you.
I'm glad to have you. You remember how you used to say that you wanted to be an astronaut? Well, I used to have dreams that you were an astronaut. And you were on television and I thought, "That's my son!" I wonder what it is that she wants me now. Has it changed? Are you still doing maths?
I hope you are.
Loads and loads of love. Loba.
Press the button. Press the button. Press the button.
What are you doing in here? Are those— Oh, it was an accident. I don't know what to say. I was such a mess. You told me your mother was in hospital. Is it in the heart?
Explain it.
And once it said that, I couldn't— couldn't just change it. It just took out of control. Oh Christopher, you've got to sit up for yourself. Come on, let's get you up, let's get those clothes off, let's get you into bed.
I'm going to have to touch you, but it's going to be okay.
Maybe I shouldn't tell you this. I want you to know that you can trust me. I mean, life is difficult. It's bloody hard telling the truth all the time. But I want you to know that I try. I want you to be able to trust me about everything. Listen, if you don't tell the truth now, it's just sure it's more later on. Sir Christopher, I killed Wellington. Just let me explain. When your mother left, I think, hey, Mrs. Shears. She was very good to me. Honestly, I don't think I would have made it without her. I mean, you know how she was. Drop around again upstairs, see if we needed anything, seeing if we were okay.
I thought— I'm just trying to keep this simple, Mr.
Butler. I thought we were friends. I guess I thought wrong. We argued last night, and she said some things to me that I'm not going to say to you because they were not very nice. I mean, sometimes I feel like she cared more for that bloody dog than she did for either of us.
Maybe that's not so stupid looking back.
I mean, it's a lot easier to spend your life looking after some stupid mutt than living with actual otherworldly real-life human beings. I mean, buddy, we're not exactly lonely. Anyway, we had this fight. I guess we had a lot of fights. But after this particularly nasty little blowout, she chucked me out the house.
You know what that dog was like.
Nice as pie one moment, roll over, tickle its stomach, sink its teeth into your leg, and then exit. So we're yelling in the kitchen and it's in the garden. She slams the door behind me. The bug is waiting for me. I know, I know, if I just give it a kick and pull it, it would have backed off. But when the red mist comes down— You know what I mean. We're not that different, you and me. Everything I've been bottling up for the last 2 years just— I promise, I never meant for it to turn out this way. Drive. Let's just leave this for tonight. I'll go downstairs. You get some sleep. Hey, we talked about this in the morning. Everything's going to be okay.
Trust me. That meant he could murder me. I had to get out of the house. I made a decision. I did this by thinking of all the things I could do and deciding whether they were the right decision or not.
"Christopher, stay home." I decided I couldn't stay home anymore.
"Christopher, please." I can't stay in the house with you anymore because it is dangerous. And I can't stay with you because you can't look after me when school is closed. But I could try and do it. No! Because you're not a friend or a member of my family. You could come and live with your Uncle Terry. You live in Sunderland.
I don't know how to get to Sunderland.
Take the train. Take the train from Swindon. You also stroke my hair and smoke cigarettes. You're not a friend either. I think I'm a friend. I can't stay overnight at your house and use your toilet because you've used it and you're a stranger.
I'm not really a stranger, Christopher.
Yes, you are!
4-5-1-C Chapter Road, London, NW2 5NG. 4-5-1-C Chapter Road, London, NW2 5NG. 4-5-1-C Chapter Road, London, NW2 5NG. 4-5-1-C Chapter Road.
London, NW2, 5NG.
Christopher, I want to ask you something.
Mrs. Gaston wondered if we'd like to do a play this year. She asked me to ask everybody if you'd like to make some kind of performance for the school.
Everybody could join in and play a part.
I think it would be a really good thing for everyone to join in and play a part in it. I was wondering if you'd like to make a play out of your book. No. I think it could be really good fun for people.
I think it could be really good fun. No. It's a book for me, not for everybody, just for me.
I know that, but I think a lot of people would be interested in what would happen if people took your book and started acting bits out of it. I don't like acting.
Magic because it's pretending that something is real when it's not really real at all, so it's like a kind of lie.
Some people like stories. Some people find things which are true and things which are made up. You like your Sherlock Holmes stories, and you know Sherlock Holmes isn't a real person, don't you?
I could help you with your worries about lies. No, I think I'd rather like to think that possibly You're too old to play the policeman.
Christopher?
Christopher?
Christopher? Christopher, what's happened to you?
Can you look after Toby for a His name's Toby. He eats special pellets that you can buy from the pet shop, and he needs fresh water every day too.
Christopher, why do you need somebody to look after Toby for you?
Because I'm going to live with mother. I thought you told me that your mother was dead. I thought she was dead, but it turns out she was still alive, and also father lied to me, and also he killed grandma too.
Oh, okay.
Is your mother here?
No, mother is in London. So you're going to London on your own? Yes, I think I'm going to do that.
Hey, um, Christopher, do you know where your father is right now? No.
Okay, well, perhaps we should give him a ring, try to, you know, get in touch with him.
I'm sure he's very worried about you and that there's been a break-in or something.
3, 5, 5, 8. 3, 5, 5, 8. 3, 5, 5, 8.
3, 5, 5, 8. 3, 5, 5, 8.
3, 5, 5, 8.
Where can I buy a map? A map of where? I don't know. Well, where do you want to get to?
I'm going to the train station.
Okay, I don't need a map to get to the train station. It's the station. You can see it from here.
No, I can't. There, that building, signal point on the top.
There's a British Rail on the other end.
The station was the one with that. Is it the stripy building with the horizontal window that you can see poking out over those houses? That's the one. How do I get to that building?
Okay, we're done here.
I knew that the train station was somewhere nearby, and if something is nearby, you can find it by walking in a spiral, taking every right turn until you come across a road you have already walked on, then taking the next left turn, and so on. And that is how I found the train station.
Customers seeking access to the car park, please use the system This is first officer Bryant at the ticket office.
Warning, CCTV in operation. Great Western. 4 beers a mug. Caution, wet floor. Your 50 people keep a free withdrawal period of 1.8 seconds.
Transforming travel.
Refreshingly different.
It's delicious, it's creamy, and it's only £1.30. Hot chocolate left. 08707777676. No smoking.
Orange pieces. Automatic fireball. He flicks.
No fishing. Reserved parking. Open as usual this one. No smoking. No alcohol. Ghosts must be carried. RVP. Ghosts must be carried. Count XP. A perfect man. Why would they? Monday through Friday, 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM. Ghosts must be carried at all times.
Special bus stop.
Talking subject Superb only step-free access.
Take extra care of children. Superb coffee. Uncashed expenses. Superb coffee.
Dogs must be carried at all times.
Are you all right, young man? You're too old! Are you all right, young man? No.
You're looking a bit worse for wear.
The lady at the cafe said when she tried talking to you, you You are in a complete trance. What's your name? Christopher Boone. Where do you live? 36 Randolph Street. And what are you doing here? I'm going to see mother. Mother? Yes, mother.
Why did you train?
I don't know. Mother lives in London. I don't know when there's a train to London. So you don't live anywhere? No. So where is your mother? In London. Yes, we're here. 451C Chapter Road, London, NW2 5NG. What's that? This is Toby, my pet rat. He's very clean and hasn't bought a demonic plague. Pet rat? That's very reassuring. Yes. Look, have you got a ticket? No. So how precisely are you going to get to London then? I have a bank card. Is that your card? No, it's Father's. Father's? Yes, Father's. Okay. He told me the number. It's 355— Shh!
Shh!
Look, why are you and I in this room? To catch you, eh? Okay, but you mustn't touch me. Why would I want to touch you? Oh, I don't know. Well, you know why. Well, I got a caution for hitting a policeman, but I didn't mean to hurt the policeman. I just wanted him to stop touching me, and it will be a lot worse if I do it again because of You're serious, aren't you? Yes. You lead the way.
Please enter your personal identification number. Please enter amount. £10, £20, £30.
How much does a ticket to London cost? About 20 quid. Is that in pounds, Ivy? Yep, it's £20.
Please wait, your transaction is being processed. You may now remove your card and wait for your cash.
Where do I buy a ticket to the train from? In there. I want to go to London. If you don't mind. I want to go to London. Single or return? What does single or return mean?
Do you want to go one way or do you want to come back?
I want to stay there when I get there. For how long? Until I go to university.
A single there, that'll be £17.
When is the train to London? Platform 1, my lads. Where is Platform 1? Through the other glass on the stairs, you see the signs.
Under Paskins Tunnel, Christopher, in your head, imagine a big red line across the floor. Start at your feet, it goes through the tunnel.
And walk along the line.
It count the rhythm in your head. Because that helps, doesn't it? Like when you're doing your drumming, doing music. Left, right, left, right. Left, right, left, right.
Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, Is this the train to London?
Christopher!
Oh, you're just in time! You've got your father to the police station.
He's looking for you! Okay, let's not get overexcited here. Now look, I'm gonna take you back to the police station, and you, me, and your dad can have a little chat about who's going where. Have you arrested him? Have you arrested Father? Arrested him? What for? For killing Wellington. Wellington is a dog.
Well, I'm sure we can talk about that as well, but for right now, young man, I think you've done enough adventuring for one day.
Nelson, you little monkey!
You need to do something! Bloody hell!
Why are you swearing? Have we started? Has the train started to move? Rob! Yeah, it's night. I'm stuck here on the bloody train. Yeah! No, don't even. Look, it stops at Dead Cop Bagley, so if you can get someone to meet me with a car— cheers. Tell us all now we've got him, but it's gonna take a while. Okay? Ugh, great. Well, let's have ourselves a seat.
Park yourself. You're a bloody tactical wad. Jeez.
I notice everything. Most other people are lazy. They never look at everything. They do what is called glancing, which is the same word for bumping off of something and carrying on in almost the same direction. For example, if they are sitting on a train looking out of the window at the countryside, they might be noticing: They'll see cows in the field. 2. Sunny with a few clouds. 3. There's flowers in the grass. 4. There's a village in the distance. And then they will stop noticing anything because they will be thinking of something else, like, "I wonder if Julie has given birth yet?" or, "I'm worried I might have left the oven on," or, "I really want a bag of cheesy Doritos." But if Suppose I'm sitting looking out of the window of a train at the countryside. I notice everything, like: 1. There are 19 cows in the field, 15 of which are black and white and 4 of which are brown and white. 2. There are 3 visible nimbostratus clouds. 3. There is a village in the distance which has 31, no, 32 visible houses. There's a plastic bag in the hedge. 2. There is a swash Coca-Cola can with a snail on it. I can see 3, 4, 5, 5 different types of grass. There is a— I can see 3, 4 different types of— there's a wind blowing from a— there is a— there's a Coca-Cola can, there's a snail, snail, snail, cow, cow, cow. Oh, Mason, you've wet yourself! For God's sake, go to the bloody toilet, will Would you? But I'm on a train! They have toilets on trains, you know. Where's the toilet on the train? Through those doors there. But I'll be keeping an eye on you. Do you understand? No.
Just go to the bloody toilet!
11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 33, 35, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59. Christopher! Christopher! Oh, bloody hell! 61, 67. Oh goodness, it's Scampi!
Do you mind if I grab my bag?
I think there's someone on the platform looking for you. I know. Hey, well, it's your funeral.
You're touching my Yes. Oh, look at this, Babs.
It looked like a train elf.
Well, we have both been drinking.
We should kidnap him. He could be our elf mascot. Oh, come on, shift it, you stupid idiot.
I'm coming. I'm coming, all right.
Wait for me in the car park then.
I waited for 9 more minutes, but no one else came by, and it was really quiet, and the train didn't move again, so I realized the train What was London Pride?
This is off prize.
Paddington Bear at Paddington Station.
Tickets. Taxis. First day. Eastport Terrace. Wait up. Train street. The lawn Here please. Upper Cross.
St. Gre. Local information. Great Western first.
Position closed. Position closed. First Sweet pastries.
Eat from them. Check in here. Bake Factory. Eats. Excellent Antiques. Make your own sushi. Station Link.
Bosses. W.H. Smith.
Nursery.
Keep Raw Eggs Fresh. Mini.
First Class Lounge. Small World. EasyCar.co.uk.
What was London Pride?
Is it? Off-Price. Paddington Bear at Paddington Station.
Tickets, taxis.
First Aid. Eastbourne Terrace.
Wait Up. Train Straight. The Lawn. Queue here, please. Upper Cross.
St. Breeze. Local Information.
Great Western First. Position Closed. Road. Position Closed. Stock Shop. Best Tea Point.
Millie's Cookies. Coffee.
Buggies. Manchester United.
Birthday cookies and muffins. Cold drinks. Penalty fares.
Morning. Savory pastries. Platform 14.
Burpee. Fresh milk. Greek café bar.
Business travel. Special edition. All 75 carriages.
Easy standard.
You look lost. Whoa.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Is this London? Is this London? Indeed it is. How do I get to 451C Chapter Road, London, NW2 5NG? Where's that? It's 451C Chapter Road, London, NW2 5NG, and sometimes you can write it as 451C Chapter Road, Wilston, London, NW2 5NG.
Take the tube to Wilson Junction or Wilson Street. It's got to be near there somewhere.
What is 82? Are you for real?
You see that big staircase above you? That's the way to the city centre. Underground. You're gonna need the Bakerloo Line to Wilson Junction or the Jubilee to Wilson Street. You okay?
Christopher Douglas.
Get away from me!
You won't be able to.
I'm doing really well.
Where's your Swiss Army knife gone? Have you lost it? It's in my pocket. And what about your red line? See? It's disappeared, hasn't it? How are you going to get to Jubilee Line? You don't even know what an escalator is, do you? I do!
It's a moving staircase. You step onto it and it carries you down. It's funny, look.
Stop that.
It's like something out of science fiction.
I'm worried about you.
You're lying. You killed Wellingston.
Where are you going? To watch the people.
It's easy, look. You go up to the black box and you put your money in.
You haven't got any money.
I have, I stole your car. You little— And then you go up to the red gate and you put your ticket in the slot.
There's no Jubilee Line. How are you going to get to Willesden Green?
There's a Maybelline Line. I can take that to Willesden Junction. Just come home. Swindon is not my home anymore. My home is 451C Chapel Road, London NW2 5NG.
Stand behind the yellow line.
I know. It's going to be very noisy. I know. It'll really scare you. I know. Try not to let it. Watch the people. Watch how they get on and they get off. Count the trains. Figure it out. Get the rhythm right. Train coming. Train stops. Doors open. Train goes. Silence. Train coming. Train stopped. Doors open. Train going. Silence. Train coming. Train stopped.
Doors open. Train going. Silence. Train coming. Train stopped. Doors open. Train going. Silence. Train coming. Train stopped. Doors open. Train going. Silence. Train coming. Train stopped. Doors open. Train going. Silence. Train coming. Train stopped. Doors open. Toby! Toby! Toby, where are you? Toby! You get back up here this instant! I'm warning you! Right, I'm coming down there to get you. And Toby, when I catch you, I am going to be very cross. Oi, what are you doing? My ratchets aren't here. Get out of there for goodness' sake! Oh my days, what is he doing? What the fuck are you doing?
Well, of course I'm going to kiss him.
He doesn't just stand there. May, please get back up here. I can't get back up, they're going to grab me.
They're going to have to grab my head and kiss me. Me?
What the hell's wrong with me?
It's just a kid, you can't just say anything.
Yes, I know it's a kid.
I can teach him about bloody mothering now.
Don't fuck me, don't you listen to this psychopath, he's stabbing me. May, please come on, feel for Pat. I can't.
Stop it!
What are you playing at? I was playing with Toby, my pet rat. Why do you have a pet rat? Is he okay? Him? Oh, thanks a bundle.
A pet rat? Are you okay? Okay.
Is there anything I can do for you? Please stand further away. I have a Swiss Army knife and it has a saw blade attachment. That could cut someone's finger off.
Okay, buddy, you're gonna take that? No.
Doors open.
Is this train going to Willesden Junction?
This way or this?
Is this train going to Willesden Junction? For your entire journey. Is this train going to Wilston Junction? Is this train going to Wilston Junction?
Hilton Park, Queens Park, Kendall Green, Milton Junction.
How do I get to 451C Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG?
A to Z map allows for 595 and not walking beside the beam.
Is that the A through Z?
No, it's bloody too far.
Is that the A through Yes, it's that, Aethelred. Can I buy it?
Buy what? I'll have the money first.
I'll have you sleep. Look, I don't care whether you thought it was funny or not!
Julie, I'm sorry, okay? Well, perhaps you should have thought about that before you made me look like a complete idiot!
You weren't in, so I waited for you. Christopher?
What? Oh my God, Christopher!
What the hell is going on?
I'm so sorry, Christopher. I suppose this means Ed's here. Where's your father? I think he's in Swindon.
Thank God for that. Christopher, I didn't think I'd ever— Why are you here on your own? Christopher, you're soaking, Roger, don't just stand there.
Are you going to come inside or are you going to stay out here all night?
Father killed Wellington with a gun, Phil. Jump in, Jack. Roger, please.
Come on, Christopher, let's go inside and get you dried off.
Come on then, soldier, you're going to catch your death out here.
You call her, Roger.
Um, he's hungry. Have you got any food I can give him? And some fresh water too.
Are you okay, Christopher?
I'm tired. I know, love.
I can eat your blanket. No, don't. I've got a sleeping bag in my bag.
Will you let me help you get to clothes off. I can give you a clean t-shirt. You can get yourself into bed. T-shirt. Pass me t-shirt. You're very brave, Christopher. Yes. You never wrote to me.
I know.
Why didn't you write to me, Christopher? I wrote you all those letters. I kept thinking something dreadful happened or you moved away and I'd never find out where you were.
Father said you were dead.
What?
He said that you had a problem with your heart and that you had to go into hospital, and then that you had a heart attack and died.
Oh my God, oh my God, that stupid game!
Why are you doing that?
Oh, Christopher, I'm so sorry. What for? The bastard!
The bastard!
Christopher, let me hold your hand just this once, just for me, will you? I won't hold it out long, I promise.
I don't like people holding my hand.
Okay, that's okay. I need to speak to him. He's been through enough today already, I know, but I still need to speak to him. Christopher Moon, can you open the door please?
Christopher, please.
Christopher, love, it's all right. Just open the door, will you, sweetheart?
Is she going to take me away?
No, Christopher, she isn't.
Will you let her take me away?
No, I won't. Your father says you've run away, is that correct?
Yes. Is this your mother? Yes.
Right, and why did you run away?
Because father killed Wellington, which meant that he could kill me too.
So I've been told. Do you want to stay here in London, or do you want to go back to spend it with your I want to stay here. Right, and how do you feel about that?
I want to stay here. Hang on, I'm asking your mother.
He told Christopher I was dead. Okay, let's not get into an argument about who said what. I just need to know whether or not— Of course he can stay. All right, well, that pretty much settles it as far as I'm concerned.
Is she going to take me back to Swindon?
No. If your husband turns up and causes any trouble, just give us a ring. Otherwise, you'll have to sort this out amongst yourselves.
I'm talking to her whether you like it or not. Stop it! I will not be spoken to like that in my own home! I'll talk to you however I like!
You have no right to be here!
He's my son, in case you forgot.
What in God's name did you think you were playing at saying those things to him?
You were the one that bloody left!
So you decided to just wipe me out of this life altogether?
Let's just all calm down, shall we? Isn't that what you wanted?
I wrote to him every week!
And what's the bloody use in writing to him? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Listen, I cooked his meals, I cleaned his clothes, I looked after him when he was ill, I took him to the doctor, I— I worried myself sick every time he wandered off somewhere at night. I drove him to school every time he got into a fight. And you, yes, you wrote him some bloody letters.
So you thought it was okay to tell me father was dead?
Right now is not the time!
And if you try and stop me—
It's okay, Christopher. It's okay. I won't let him do anything.
You are all right. Christopher, I'm sorry about the letters. I never meant to— Listen, I promise I will never do anything like that ever again.
Christopher, please. Mr. Boone. Why are you here? Did you call her? Mr. Boone, come on then. Don't make me. This is my son.
I know.
This can all be sorted out. Just come with me.
Ed, you should come. He's frightened. I'll be back.
Christopher, Christopher, lad, I promise you I'll be back. I promise you, lad.
You go back to sleep now, Christopher. Everything is going to be okay, I promise you.
He can stay as long as he needs to stay.
It's hardly enough room for two of us, let alone three.
He can understand what you're saying, you know.
What's he going to do all day?
There's no school for him to go to, and we both have jobs.
It's bloody ridiculous. That's enough, Christopher.
You can stay as long as you want to stay. It was Mother who gave me the check.
It was Mother who gave me the check.
The milkshake, not you. And you need to shout more loudly at him, like you're really angry with him, not just being nice. Okay.
Roger, that's enough! You can stay as long as you want to stay.
I have to go back to Swindon.
Christopher, you've only just got here.
I have to go back and sit my maths A-level. You're doing maths A-level? Yes, I'm taking it Wednesday and Thursday and Friday next week.
Oh, Christopher, that's really good.
But I can't see Father, so So I'll have to go back to Swindon with you.
I don't know whether that's going to be possible.
But I have to go.
Let's talk about this some other time, okay?
Okay, but I have to go back to Swindon.
Christopher, please!
What time is it?
7 minutes past 2 in the morning. I can't sleep. It's because you're scared of Mr. Shears. You're being silly.
There's nobody about, and I can hear traffic. What car's that? There's a Fiesta, a Peugeot, a Ford Monarda, and a Mini Cooper.
Do you want to tell us their name?
I can't tell. I can only see orange and black and mixtures of orange and black.
Look at what people have in their front gardens.
Oh yes, is that an elf?
It's a gnome, and a teddy bear, and a little pond. And an oven.
I like looking up at the sky. Me too. When you are looking up at the sky at night, you know you are looking at stars which are billions of light years away from us. Except some of those stars don't exist anymore because their light has taken so long to get to us that they are already dead or have exploded and collapsed into red dwarfs. And that can make you seem very small. So if you have difficult things in your life, It's nice to think that they are what is called negligible, which means they are so small that you don't have to take them into account when calculating something. I can't see any stars here. No. It's because of all the light pollution in London. All the light from the streetlights and the car headlights The lights in the buildings get in the way of the light from the stars by reflecting off the particles in the atmosphere.
Christopher!
I have to go. Don't!
I'm sorry, Christopher, but I have to. Christopher! Come on!
Come on! Christopher! Come on, where are you? What are you doing here? I've been looking for you! I thought you'd gone! If you ever do that again, I swear to God— Christopher, I love you, but I don't know what I do. You have to promise me that you will not leave the flat on your own again. Christopher, Christopher, do you promise me that? Yes. You can't trust people in London. Christopher, would you like an ice lolly? Yes, I would please. Would you like a strawberry one?
Yes, I would please, because that's red. What's it called here? It's called Hampstead Heath.
I love it. You can see all over London Where are the planes going to? Heathrow, I think. Christopher, I rang Mrs. Gascoyne. I told her that you'd be speaking about sea levels next year. Christopher, Christopher, okay, okay, okay, just calm down, love.
All right, how are you today, Christopher? We're ready.
I want you to ask for 100 numbers books.
It's from the library. This one's nuclear power, and this one is— puzzles of the universe.
They're for children.
Well, it's nice to know that my contributions are appreciated.
It's not. Shut up. Christopher! Christopher, I made you a tart because you really need to eat, love. This is a Slimfast. It's strawberry flavoured. Why Slimfast? Be quiet, Roger. Christopher. But if you drink 200 milliliters, you get a bronze star. I don't believe this. Roger, for God's sake! And if you drink 400 milliliters, you get a silver star. Ha! And if you drink 600 milliliters, you get a gold star.
A gold star? Well, that's it. It's very original. You think you're so clever, don't you? Don't you ever think about following me for one second, do you? Well, I bet you're real pleased with yourself now, aren't you?
Archie! Christopher!
You ruined my bloody life! You ruined my son!
Christopher, I'm really, really sorry. I promise you, I promise you that.
What time is it? It's 4 o'clock in the morning.
What are you doing? I'm packing some clothes. Where is Mr. Shears? He's asleep.
Now come downstairs, bring Toby, and get into the car.
Into Mr. Shears' car? That's right. Are you stealing his car?
Just borrowing it, Christopher. Where are we going? We're going home.
Do you mean home in Swindon?
Yes.
Are we going back so I can sit my maths A-level? What? I'm meant to be taking my A-levels tomorrow.
We're going home because if we stay in London any longer, someone is going to get hurt. Though I don't necessarily mean you. Though I need you to be quiet for a while.
How long will you need me to be quiet?
Just for half an hour.
I need you to be quiet for half an hour.
What are you doing here?
This is my house too.
He's your fancy man here as well.
Christopher!
Hey, Christopher! It's all right, he's gone. No need to panic. Where has he gone to?
He's gone to stay at a friend's house for a while.
Are they going to arrest him? Are they going to arrest Father? What for?
For killing Wellington! No, I think he'll only get arrested if Mrs. Shears presses charges. What's that? It's when you tell the police to arrest somebody for little crimes. They only arrest people for little crimes if you ask them to.
Is killing Wellington a little crime? Yes, love, it is.
In the next few weeks, we're going to try and find the place of our aunt's wedding. Can I still take my maths A-level? You're not listening to me, are you, Christopher? I am listening to you! I told you! I rang the headmistress, I told her you were in London!
But I'm here now, so I can take it!
Sorry, Christopher, I didn't know you'd be coming back. This isn't going to solve anything! Well then, look who it is! Where are we? You've got some nerve coming back here, strutting around as if nothing ever happened. What is this? So he's finally found you too, though, has he? You had it coming. Don't try and pretend you didn't, because you did! Where are we going?
We're going to the school. So you're Christopher's mother?
Yeah, that's right. And you're?
I'm Siobhan. It's nice to meet you.
Yeah, nice to meet you too.
Hello, Christopher. Hello.
Are you okay? I'm tired. He's a bit upset.
Because of the A-level, you said.
You won't eat, you won't sleep.
I actually spoke to Mrs. Gascoyne after you called. She still has the A-level papers in the three sealed envelopes in her desk.
I still have the A-level papers in my desk.
Does that mean that I can take my maths A-level?
I think so. I'm going to bring Greg Peters to make sure we stay still available to come in this afternoon and be your supervisor. Mrs. Gaskell will just need to ring the examination board and let them know that you're going to take the exam after all. I thought I'd let you know now so you could think about it.
So I could think about what?
Is this really what you want to do, Christopher? If you say no, no one is going to be angry with you, and it won't be wrong or illegal or stupid. It'll just be what you want, and that will be fine.
I want to do it.
Okay.
How tired are you? Very. How's your brain when you think about maths?
I don't think it works very well.
Try this. What's the logarithmic formula for the approximate number of prime numbers not I can't think.
So, this is jolly exciting, eh, Christopher? Well, I'm excited at least, anyway. Now, this exam is going to last for 2 hours. Okay, Christopher, the first in line, you will just pop your name on the front. All right, young man, you ready to roll?
Turn over your paper, please, Christopher. And begin.
1, 8, 27, 64, 125, 216, 343, 512, 729, 1,000, 1,331. Are you all right, Christopher? I can't read the question. What do you mean? I can't read the question. Can you see the question? Yes, I can see the question, but I can't read it. The question, because when I look at it, the words are all mixed up and confused and the wrong way to me, right? What does this question say? Christopher, I'm afraid I can't help you like that.
I'm not allowed to.
Christopher, stop groaning. Catch your breath. Count the card numbers again.
1, 8, 27, 64, 125, 316, 343, 511, 759, 1,000, 1,331. Good. Now have another go. Show that a triangle with sides that can be written in the form n² 1, n² 1, and 2n, where n is greater than 1, is right-angled.
You don't have to tell us.
What? You don't have to tell us how you solved it. But it's my favorite question.
I know that, but people won't want to hear about how you solved a maths question in a play. Look, why don't you tell it out to the curtain call? When you've finished, you can do your bow, and then if people want to leave, then they can leave.
But if anyone wants to find out about how you solved the maths question, then they can stay and find out at the end.
Okay? Okay. Don't scream, Christopher.
I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted to come and see how you and Alex are doing.
Tell him, Christopher.
Please, Christopher. I don't know if I got all the questions right because Because I was really tired because I hadn't slept at all and I hadn't eaten any food, so I couldn't think properly.
Thank you.
What ball?
Just—
is that you? I'm very proud of you, Christopher.
Very proud.
I'm sure they did really, really well.
How is your flat? It's not really a flat, it's a room. It's very small. The corridor is painted brown. Other people use the toilet. Mother has to clean the toilet before I can use it. And the room smells like socks and pine air freshener. And sometimes there are other people in the toilet, so I do wet myself. And another bad thing is that Toby died because he was 2 years and 7 months old, which is very old for a rat. I don't like waiting for my maths A-level results. Mother doesn't get home from work until 5:30, so I have to stay at Father's house between 3:40 and 5:30. Mother said I didn't have a choice, and so I push the feather against the door in case Father tries to come into my room, and sometimes he tries to speak to me through the door. I don't answer. To him, and sometimes he sits outside my door quietly for a very long time. Can I come and live in your house so that I'll have room to put all my things and so that I won't have to share a toilet with strangers? No, Mr. Praying Hands. Why can't I? Because I'm noisy and sometimes difficult to control?
No. It's because I'm not your mother. No. That's very important. Do you understand that?
I don't know.
Kristeva, can I have a talk with you?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't!
No!
It's okay, Christopher, I will wait here. I don't want to talk to Father!
I'll do you a deal. 5 minutes. Okay, that's all.
Christopher, things can't go on like this.
I don't know about you, but this, this hurts too much. Christopher, I need you to trust me, and I don't care how long it takes. If it takes 1 minute a day, 2 minutes the next, 3 the next.
I don't care if it takes a whole year.
This— this is important. This is the most important thing. Let's— let's call it a project. A project we have to do together. And now I have to show you that you can trust me. It'll be difficult at first, because it's a difficult project. But it'll get better.
I promise.
And, uh, I got you a present to show you that I mean what I say. To say sorry? Well, you'll see what I mean.
Where is he going?
I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't you, Lucifer?
I don't like waiting.
Oh, trust me, I definitely know.
He's 4 months old. Christopher, I would never do anything to hurt you.
You won't be able to take him with you, I'm afraid. The flap is too small, but you Your father's going to look after him here, and you can come and take him home with us whenever you want.
Does he have a name?
No, you can decide what to call him.
Sadler. He's called Sadler.
We have to go now, Christopher. Yes, we will come back and see Tomorrow.
Okay, goodbye, S. I'll see you tomorrow.
Christopher. What? Here it is. What's this?
It's your results. Right. You need to open it to read.
Right.
Well, what's it say? I got an A*.
That's just terrific, Christopher.
Aren't you happy?
Yes, it's the best result. I know it is.
How's your dog?
He's very well, thank you. Last week I stayed at Father's house because Mother got the flu, and he slept on my bed so that he could bark in case anyone came into my room at night.
Right.
And how are you getting on with your studies?
Along with your father.
He planted a vegetable patch in his garden and I helped him and Sandy watched and we planted carrots and peas and spinach and I'm going to pick them when they're ready and he also bought me a book, it's called Further Maths for A Level and he told this gaslighter I'm going to be taking Further Maths next year and she said—
okay.
OK, and I'm going to pass it and get an A*. And then in 2 years I'll take A-level physics, pass it and get an A*. Then I'll go to university in another town and I can bring Sandy and my books and my computer and I can live in a proper flat with a proper toilet and a garden. And then I will be taking first class honours a doctoral degree, and then I will be a scientist. I can do these things. I hope so. I can, because I solved the mystery of who killed Wellington. I went to London on my own, and I found my mother. I was brave.
You were.
And I wrote a book. I know I read it.
You turned it into a plane.
Does that mean I can do anything, do you think? Does that mean I can do anything, Siobhan? Does that mean I can do anything? Thank you all very much for clapping, and thank you very much for staying behind to listen to how I solved my maths A-level question. Siobhan said it wouldn't be very interesting, but I said it was, and she didn't tell me what I should use, so I decided to use all the machines and technology in the entire theatre.
I had 2 hours to solve 19 questions.
But I spent 38 minutes doing moaning and groaning, which meant that I only had 4 minutes to solve this question: show that a triangle with sides that can be written in the form n² 1, n² 1, and 2n, where n is greater than 1, is right-angled. And this is what I wrote. Stop the clock! So if a triangle is right angle. One of the angles will be 90 degrees and will therefore follow Pythagoras' theorem. Pythagoras said that a² b² c². To put it simply, if you draw a square around each side of the 3 sides of a right-angled triangle, then add up the area of the 2 smaller squares, it will equal the area of the largest square. This is only true if the triangle is right-angled. Come on, Mr. Wells! So the maths A-level question is an algebraic formula for making right-angled triangles. Well, and n² 1 is the biggest number in our equation, which makes it the hypotenuse, which is the longest side of your triangle. Now we need to solve the area of all squares. To solve the area of a square, you multiply the length by the width. So the area of This square is equal to 2n multiplied by 2n, which equals, well, 4n squared. Now we need to solve for the area of this square, which is equal to n minus 1 multiplied by n squared minus 1, which equals n to the fourth power minus 2n squared plus 1. Now If we add these two squares together, it will equal n to the fourth power plus 2n squared plus 1. Now we need to solve the area of the largest square on the hypotenuse of the triangle, which is equal to n squared plus 1 multiplied by n squared plus 1, which equals n to the fourth power plus 2n squared plus 1, which is the same term! So, if you add up the area of the two smaller squares, it will equal the area of the largest square. Therefore, all my triangles fit together and satisfy Pythagoras' theorem, so the triangle is right-angled! And that is how I got an A*.
Confetti!
