Monday Coaching Call Facilitated by Tracy Think Feel Act Cycle May 19 2025

Morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Morning. How's it going?

You guys?

Good.

How are you?

Good.

It's kind of a gloomy day out in Minnesota. We had that this weekend, but it.

Was nice because we were doing yard work, so.

Oh, you prefer to do that out in a gloomy day? Absolutely.

The sun just makes everything worse when you're working like that.

So. That's funny. Yeah.

You don't get sunburned, you know.

Yeah.

Fair.

Yeah.

Well, it's been really hot because I'm in Florida, Palm coast, and we did the Villages. I don't know if you guys ever heard the Villages. It's kind of like a playground for older adults and just had so much fun playing golf. But it was like 94, 95 degrees.

It was wicked. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah. But it was fun, but I'm so glad to be home. It was like too much. Like, how much fun can you have?

How long were you there, Anna?

Just with the weekend. Thank God. Because it was like, we did golf and we did this pitch and putt. I don't know if anyone's ever done pitcher putt. That was fun. All you need is three clubs and all you do is pitch and putt and it's 18 holes and you walk it. But that was fun because everything was three par. So you. So it wasn't as hard as playing a full blown golf game. Yeah.

Why do they say pitch?

Because it's. You pitch and you putt. You use those two. So all I use was my pitcher, my putter, and my seven iron.

That's it. Pitching wedge. Oh. Pitching wedge. I'm like, what is a pitch?

Oh, that's what we call it.

You take a baseball and you throw it and then wherever the baseball lands, you replace it with a golf ball.

I'm like, is this a mix of two games?

No, no, no. But it was fun because it's. It's.

I don't.

I haven't seen any. Like, they don't have that in Rhode island and they don't have it here in Palm Pals, so. But it was fun because, you know, it wasn't such a long distance to hit, you know?

Yeah. That's awesome.

It's really nice.

Yeah. All right. We still got a few more people coming in on this gloomy day here in Minnesota. We're so ready for the spring. It's like, we keep getting teased.

We got teased with like a summer week.

It was like 80 degrees for like 90. 90. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

We have spring here. It's weird. Like, Jersey has a switch, and it goes from just brown and dormant to green within a week. Like, everything just turns on.

It's.

And if you're not paying close attention, you don't really notice it. And then all of a sudden, you're.

Like, whoa, where did all this green come from?

Yeah, so it's.

I feel like Summer is being, like, shy this year. It's like, it wants to come out, but not quite. It's so weird. And it's.

This year.

It should be already, like, short sweater.

Yeah, I know. I literally had to look at the calendar day. I'm like, what month are we in?

Oh, yeah.

Okay. So this is what we call the reset call. And the objective of a reset call is to just reset your week. And we have been teaching everyone how to use this book or the worksheets that we've created from this book. All it is is a book that helps you set your goals for the next three months and really progress day by day towards those goals. And every single week, we meet on this call, and we go through the process of reflecting on the past week, looking at what worked, what didn't work, what we'll do different, setting our intentions for the upcoming week, and actually setting the intentions for today for Monday. We do that every single Monday. It becomes kind of second nature after you do it, you know, a handful of times. And I. I always, like, question, is this helpful to do the exact same thing every single Monday? And Gracie and I were working yesterday together, and she's like, maybe we should change it up. Maybe we should try something different. And as long as we are helping people understand their mind, I feel like we're winning. And the objective of this book is to help people understand themselves better. The objective of our coaching either one on one group is always to help people understand themselves, understand that their thoughts create the feeling, the vibration, the emotion that they're experiencing. And that feeling drives the behaviors that they find themselves doing, whether it's unintentional or it's intentional behaviors is what is responsible for your results. So it's ultimately a think, feel, act cycle that we just go through hundreds, if not thousands of times a day. So they say we have, on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. So we probably have approximately 60,000 emotions in a day, which is just crazy. Crazy. Especially when you think about your vocabulary of emotions. So many people have, like, five emotions that if you ask them, how are you feeling? They go to, like, the core five. I'm good. I'm. I'm fine. I'm, you know, happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm mad. Like there's just this basic vocabulary and we have found that the more you expand your vocabulary around emotions, that the better you are at understanding how it is you're feeling and why. So I'm going to share my screen for a minute. This is one of the pages inside of the Becoming Self Made Goal Planner. And this is helping you expand your vocabulary on self sabotaging emotions. So emotions can be, it's. We have a full spectrum of, we call it wanted and unwanted instead of good and bad. Because they're all necessary. All emotions are necessary for us to feel. And as you become more and more aware of what it is that you're feeling, the likelihood of you understanding why you're feeling that way rises. Okay, so it's so important for us to be able to understand what guilt feels like in our body. So if guilt was kind of the primary emotion, these would be the secondary emotions to guilt. Shame, remorse, self blame, regret, embarrassment and doubt. They're all kind of in that same family. And those emotions are being triggered by a thought. Most often it's an unintentional thought. And so for me, that thought is, I should have dot, dot, dot, I should have done better. I should have not done that. I should have done something else. Okay, for you, I want you guys to be asking yourself and to become more and more aware of what creates guilt. The vibration of guilt or shame or remorse in your body when you experience that emotion that maybe you don't even know that's what it is. That's what it's called. You just have this feeling. Maybe it's a tingly feeling, maybe it's a reserved feeling. Maybe it's a feeling that has your shoulders slouching. Everybody would experience it in a different way. They would explain it in a different way. But when you experience that emotion, I want you to fully understand why, why you're experiencing that emotion. And the answer to why is what is running through your head? A thought. Now, again, this might be a very subconscious, unintentional thought, but it is the thought that's creating the emotion. And so this exercise inside of the Becoming Self Made Goal Planner is meant to help you connect the dots between the feelings that you're experiencing and the thoughts that are causing them. You will never, ever experience an emotion without thinking a thought first. Now, that thought might be unintentional. It might be a very subconscious belief that maybe you were indoctrinated into. It doesn't matter. It's still a belief or a thought that's creating an emotion. And the better we can get at connecting the dots between the emotions that we're feeling and the thoughts that are causing them. The better we understand ourself, the less we stop making emotions mean something about our worth. So many of us will experience frustration or hopelessness or loneliness, and we will no sooner have that emotion or feel that vibration in our body, and we will deduct that we are unworthy, that we are invisible, that we are not valuable. I want you to realize that the emotions that you are experiencing are simply coming from a thought that's running through your brain. Our brain, half of it is responsible for keeping us safe. So it's always out there scanning for danger. And it keeps us often in a very hypervigilant state. So it creates this intense anxiety about all of the dangers and what could go wrong. It's vigilance that's never at rest. And it's often very dramatic. But that part of our brain was put there to keep us safe when we were in a primitive state. Obviously, we're not in a primitive state, but our brains haven't really caught up, so it continues to constantly scan for danger and offer us thoughts that keep us playing small. And so when you're aware of that, that, that think, feel, act cycle is just neuroscience. It's the neuroscience of your brain doing what God or higher powers meant for it to do. Now you can stop making it mean something about you and your worth. You can actually put some space between the thoughts that you're having and your worth, and you can make it mean, oh, this is just my brain doing what it's supposed to be doing. So I want you guys to just. In the chat, I'd love for each of you, when I say an emotion, I want you to put in the chat, what's the most common thought that you can pinpoint that creates that emotion? So like I said, guilt, shame, remorse, self blame, regret, embarrassment. The thought that I have that creates those types of feelings is I should something better or I shouldn't have done. Whatever. It's. It's all the shoulds. A lot of my clients on here are very familiar with the shoulding all over yourself. It's all the shoulds, right? It creates guilt, it creates shame. What thought or belief creates that for you? I want you to do yourself the favor and better understand your feelings. What causes what thoughts are causing your feelings. Yes. Okay. So feel free. I want anybody. This doesn't have to be around anything in particular. As you can see, mine is kind of vague. It's not talking about anything specific. I just. I should have done better. That is a well driven neural pathway that runs through my head probably a thousand times a day. I should have it. That is what's responsible for creating the guilt in my life. Why didn't I? I should have.

Yes.

Okay, now think about the last time you felt overwhelmed, the last time you felt inadequate or stressed or pressure or flustered. What was the thought? What's the belief? What's the neural pathway that you subconsciously believe? You might not be intentionally thinking this. It's just this underlying belief that creates the overwhelm. What is it for you? For me? I can't handle all of this. Yes. This is more than I can take. I'm failing. Yes. When you guys can connect the dots between a thought that's coming from your primitive brain, that is unintentional. When you can connect the dots between that thought and the feeling that it's creating, you can gain control. When you have the awareness of what's actually creating the feeling that it's just a thought, you take back control. So if you're somebody who lives with a lot of anxiety, if you're constantly worried, if you're always feeling nervous, if you're always insecure, it's because of the thought of the belief that you're operating from. And when you have that awareness, you now have a choice. You can make an empowered choice to think something different. And I know that that sounds almost too good to be true or too easy. Oh, just think something different. It's. You don't stop there. You think something is actually believable, but you can't get there without the awareness of it's actually a thought creating this feeling in the first place. That's why this exercise is so helpful, so that you can acutely understand what's actually causing the anxiety or the anger or the frustration in your life. It's not a circumstance. It's not the house that you're getting that you're getting ready to close on. It's not your significant other or your boss or your job, even though most people would say it is. It's not a circumstance causing your emotions. It's the way you're thinking about that circumstance. And when you can better understand your own thoughts. Thoughts and how they run on autopilot, the better chances you have at making an empowered decision to think differently. So I want you guys to fill out this column so that you are More aware of what's actually causing the anger, the frustration, the disappointment, the resentment, the feelings of being unworthy or vulnerable or lonely. None of this is being caused by a person or an event or the quality of a job that you did. None of it. It's all being caused by the way you are unintentionally choosing to think. And the best news is that can change. It can change on a dime. And the reason why we would want to go through the work to change is, is because these feelings that are coming from these thoughts, drive behaviors. If you are experiencing self sabotaging feelings, you will behave in a self sabotaging way. So when you are aware of the guilt that you're operating from, or the resentment that plagues you throughout your day, or the loneliness that seems to never go away, I promise you, the way you are behaving will self sabotage the results in your life. It's extremely difficult to achieve or progress towards what it is that we actually want in life. If guilt and overwhelm and anxiety and anger and frustration are along for the ride. It's very, very difficult. So, so many coaches and experts out there want to give you the actions, the best practices, the hacks to get what it is that you want, Whatever it is, if it's a girlfriend, if it's weight loss, if it's more money, there's a million and one people out there that will give you the hacks. What we are committed to doing is reverse architecting this and starting with the root cause. The root cause of the unachieved goals is not the actions that you're taking. It's the thoughts, it's the beliefs that you're unintentionally thinking that is the root cause. And this exercise is the first step, step in changing all of that, in creating an awareness of what's really going on. Does anybody, did anybody have any AHAs? As I'm explaining this think, feel, act cycle to you, feel free to come off mute if you want to talk through it. I'd love to know if this is new to you, if this is not new to you and you just heard something different. If you just realize that maybe feeling offended is something that you didn't even realize that you had been feeling. And until you saw it on the list, you were like, oh my God, that's what's been driving all of these behaviors. That's the root cause of the results I've been getting. Sometimes seeing it listed and actually packaged with other similar feelings helps you better identify what it Is that you're actually experiencing any questions?

I feel like, in my case, I do have. When I have one emotion just like this sample when I say guilt, and I say, yeah, I should have done better. Or like, for instance, I remember one. One difficult time in my life where I went to a job that it turned out to be a complete disaster, and the boss was really that. And I always felt this feeling of guilt, of regret. Like, why did I do this? I wish I could just turn back time. And I knew I was repeating that to myself, but yet I felt like the emotion was still there, like, lingering. And I still felt like that. That tension in my body. Even though I recognized I was saying so I was saying that to myself, But I still. I had a very difficult time to just kind of, like, stop feeling that tension or stop feeling that emotion.

Right. Okay. Andre. Is that how you pronounce your name?

Yeah. Andre. Yeah.

Andre. All right. Thank you so much. That is such a great point. So many of us understand what's actually causing the feeling. Like, okay, I'm thinking that I shouldn't have done that or, why did I do that? But just the awareness alone isn't enough to change the feeling. So you have the realization of why you're feeling that, but you're like, okay, now what? And the now what is. Sometimes it is reaching out for support. That's why coaches are out there ready to help you think differently. Because sometimes we're so close to it, we can't do it by ourselves. So that's the value of being in communities like this or being in memberships. Like, what you're in is so that you can reach out, you can have the awareness of the belief that you've got. I shouldn't have done that. Which causes the regret or the shame or the guilt. But now you're at the stage where you want to start exploring what else could be true. That's the next step. Okay. Sometimes awareness alone will create a new thought. Like, oh, I'm not bad. I'm not broken. That's just my primitive brain trying to keep me safe. Okay. Even though that's a fact, it's also a new thought that you're having. It's a new realization that actually creates space. So sometimes awareness alone will help us change that feeling. Often if we are so bought and sold on that belief, especially the ones that, you know, we've been indoctrinated into that we've been told to believe since we were yay big, it's very difficult for us to question that kind of thinking and to kind of wiggle it loose almost. It's like, I think about it as, like, a tooth that needs to be removed. You know, you've got to kind of start to wiggle it loose. And a coach can often help us do that, help us think differently. And one of the best questions that I like to ask myself or I like to ask my clients is, what else could be true? So, Andre, in your case, with this job that you ended up taking and discovering that you didn't love the management, the boss didn't quite align with you, what else could you be thinking besides, I shouldn't have done that? What else could have. What could be true about that experience?

Well, what I try to do is try to see, okay, what can I do to kind of, like, get through this, to mitigate, like, this, the effect of. Of the way the manager is and everything in my body? What can I do myself to kind of, like, feel a little bit better and what sort of steps? And this is something that. So I. I ended up, like, going to, like, a therapist, and. And I did a lot of soul searching, and I was just thinking, okay, what is it that I can do? And where is it that I can challenge my energy? And at the end of the day, I just focused on finding another job, and I'm really glad I did, but I really. I feel like I postponed a lot of other plans that I had just to focus all my energy into, like, finding another job.

Okay. What did you learn about yourself during that time? During that time period where you were focusing all your energy and finding another job?

Yeah.

Did you learn about yourself?

I think during that time? I mean, if you. I felt like if I have a goal and I just put the steps that I need to get to that goal, even if it's, like, short term, I feel like. I feel like I'm strongly increasing my chances of being able to get to that finish line. Yeah.

And how does that thought make you feel?

Hopeful.

Hopeful. Okay, so we're talking about the same circumstances. Do you notice how I didn't change the circumstance? We're still talking about that job that you took. Right. And the primitive brain thought, the thought that is subconscious, that's scanning for danger says, you shouldn't have taken that job. Okay. That's an unintentional thought. It's like underneath the hood. We're not intentionally thinking that, but we have this belief, this vibration that runs through our body that keeps us in that kind of autopilot type thought pattern. That think, feel act cycle. So the circumstance is that job. And you can either choose to continue to think, I shouldn't have done that, or you can start to practice this new thought that you just came up with that actually creates a sense of hope. Same exact circumstance. So we know it's not the job that's creating the guilt or the shame or the regret. It's not the job creating that. It's simply the way you're choosing unintentionally to think about it. So if that's true, why wouldn't we choose to think something different? As long as it's believable, you guys. As long as the thought is believable, it will create a feeling, it will create a vibration, it will create an emotion. And those will behaviors. Okay? Thoughts create feelings. Feelings drive behaviors. So if we have the circumstance, we have the clarity now. We have the awareness. We've been enlightened to the way that we were thinking about this old job and the fact that the way we were thinking has caused a lot of regret. Why would we choose to continue to think that when we've just discussed, discovered a better feeling thought that is believable? This is not some airy fairy affirmation that you opened up a book and found. This came from your brain. That thought creates hope. Nobody is going to argue that hope is going to drive far better behaviors than regret. Okay, thank you, Andre. Any. Any questions on that? Yes, let's. So I see a couple hands raised. Jot it. Am I pronouncing that right?

Yeah. Yeah. First of all, good evening, everyone. I have a question. Yeah. In regards. I think it's. It's somewhat similar to Andre, I remember that when you said in the previous weeks that you know how to think in mindfulness, how to take a mindful approach to things. And like, thoughts drive emotions, and they are directly. They are correlated to each other. So, like, the thought I have is like, you know, I go with my day. And. And this is a. This is thing. This is one thing that's been struggling with quite lately is that, like, I see, for example, people my age, like, like a couple, like, walking together, holding hands and stuff like that. And, you know, it immediately triggers the feeling of, you know, sadness. And I think about it, like, I took the approach that you told me about, which is, why do I feel sad? And then I answer myself with, because it reminds me of what I don't have. So. And then I heard. I heard the podcast the other day, was discussing about dating, and it said something about, you know, to add the word yet. So I should be rephrasing the sentence like it reminds me of what I don't have yet. Is that a way of creating a believable thought or should I do something different to.

Yeah, yeah, really great question. And you have such a heightened sense of awareness, I can tell you're doing the work to better understand yourself. It all starts with understanding what it is that we're thinking. And so when you realize that you're thinking, I don't have this, or that's not fair, or I should have this. And those thoughts are being triggered by seeing some two people walking, holding hands, like you're making it mean something about you. Right? Having that heightened sense of awareness can be incredibly helpful because that's when you can start questioning those thoughts. The primitive brain thoughts are not very poetic. They're very. They slice us like they're not very nice. They're always very dramatic and they're always making it mean something about our worth. So that's when you know, I have a client who just sent me a text or an email last night and he's like, how do I know if it's a primitive brain thought or a prodigy brain thought? We have this three pound organ that exists between our ears. Half of it is working to always keep us safe by offering us all of these primitive brain limiting, dramatic beliefs. The other half is the part that we can actually question our own thinking. But you can't do it without the awareness. Awareness has to come first. That, oh, it's not the fact that these people are holding hands that's making me feel sad or inadequate. It's the fact that I'm having a thought about that circumstance. It's a thought that's making it mean something about my worth. And when you have that kind of awareness now, you can intentionally think something different. You can choose a more empowered thought like, I don't have this yet, or this might be what's possible for me. The yet is a great addition. Like I don't have this instead of and that makes me bad. Yes, you could substitute yet. It's just a thought. But you guys have to do the work. You have to like, check your work and ask yourself, is that believable? Because if the answer is no, if it's not believable, this is just an affirmation. And I'm not a huge fan of affirmations unless they're believable. Okay, so what I was showing you on this worksheet or inside the book, these are my thoughts. I came up with these. So to you, these could just be affirmations. You have to do the work life I want you guys to do actually causing these emotions. There is no shame in having these emotions. It's actually extremely helpful to experience these emotions. These emotions, these self sabotaging emotions are what give you context for the emotions that you want to feel. Without sadness, we would have no context for joy. We would have no concept of what joy even feels like if we didn't have something to compare it to. So for that reason alone, we can actually appreciate all of the emotions we are meant to feel. It all. Hear me when I say that you are meant to feel the guilt. You are meant to feel the overwhelm. You are meant to feel frustrated. Nothing has gone wrong. When you experience that emotion, you're supposed to feel it. You're a human being. The only way we experience life is through our emotions. We experience life through our emotions. So to understand that you have the capacity to feel sadness is a good thing. Because that means you also have the capacity to feel the happiness. Without the capacity to feel this, you will never have capacity to feel this. Okay? So I want you guys to get in touch with the feelings. I want you to lean into them. I don't want you to be afraid of them. You're meant to feel them all. Here's what we want to actually stop from happening, okay? We're not trying to stop self sabotaging emotions. We're trying to make you aware of them. So that instead of reacting from them, we instead respond. Okay? So typically if we feel guilty, we would have a knee jerk reaction, okay? We would. Our behaviors would happen so fast we wouldn't even realize it. Guilt is along for the ride and we behave from it without even trying. It's a well driven neural pathway. It's a pattern that we've done a million times. We react, okay? When we react from a self sabotaging emotion, we create self sabotaging sabotaging results. Another way of saying that is we actually sabotage the goals that we have. We sabotage the desires that we have when we unintentionally react. So we aren't trying to get you to stop feeling guilt or stop feeling unworthy or stop feeling vulnerable. All of that is okay. You're meant to feel it. What we're trying to do is stop the reaction and instead respond. Reacting comes from our primitive brain. Responding comes from our prodigy brain, okay? So we've got the three pound organ. You just think of it cut right in half. Half of it is meant to keep us safe. And it does it in a very dramatic, self sabotaging way because we react. But with awareness we can stop that cycle. We can interrupt the cycle. And instead of reacting, think of it as a fork in the road. Okay? You have a feeling and you can either react or you can respond. Reacting happens very unintentionally. Responding happens with intention. How are you going to be able to make the choice? Understanding the feeling. You have to know what it is that you are experiencing to be able to make an empowered choice. So I think of it as like a fork in the road. You have a circumstance that you're having a thought about that creates a feeling. Now there's the fork in the road. Are you going to react or are you going to respond? You cannot make an empowered choice without the awareness of the feeling that's going on in your body. That's why we do this work. You have to expand your vocabulary on emotions. You have to understand what does disappointment even feel like in my body? Because if you know that, it becomes the indicator that you actually have a choice. That you can actually right at that moment of feeling disappointed, disappointment becomes an indicator. It becomes a trigger for you to be reminded you have a choice. There's a fork in the road right there. You're either going to unintentionally react or you're going to respond. And the responding is asking yourself what else could be true? Or responding could just be, what? Why am I even feeling this way? What is going through my mind? What is the unintentional thought or the deep rooted belief? That's how you respond by asking yourself questions. But you can't get there without the awareness. Okay. Derek.

Hi, Tracy.

Hi.

So my question, I think you kind of answered it already, but it's just about how do you do, how do you exactly do you do the work to figure out why we're feeling the feelings? Because I know sometimes the actual reason we attribute to it isn't, probably isn't the actual reason. It's just circumstance.

Yes, yes. So that's where if you don't have, if you're not working from the book, this worksheet is one that's great. See, Gracie has it inside her membership and this worksheet helps you connect the dots between the thoughts that you're thinking and the feelings that are generated from that thought. So these are all the primary feelings, self sanitizing feelings. These are kind of the secondary emotions to those feelings. So if you're, if you are pinpointing that it's guilt, that's always along for the ride. I want you to ask yourself specifically, what is that emotion? Is it just guilt or is it shame? Is it remorse? Is it self blame? Is it regret? Is it embarrassment? Is it doubt? This is the first step in understanding why you're feeling this way is naming it. Okay, it sounds so insignificant. It sounds like just tedious checking the box type work. It's not. I promise you, if you just do this work to better name, to try to name what it is that you're actually feeling, you are taking a huge first step in the right direction. This is the springboard is first being able to name what it is that you're actually experiencing. And then you ask yourself, why now? It's human nature to want to answer that question with a circumstance. Like because of my Boss, because I have zero dollars in my bank account, because I'm 30 pounds overweight, or, or I haven't been able to go on the date in a date in the last year. It's so normal to answer that question with a circumstance. But I promise you it has nothing to do with the circumstance. It has everything to do with the way you're thinking about the circumstance. And there's lots of ways I could prove that to you. Two people could be the exact same weight, they could be the exact same height, they could be the exact same build. And one person might be thinking I'm fat and the other person might be thinking I'm so healthy, they're the exact same weight. It can't be the weight that creates their emotion. It's the thought that's creating their unique emotion. So you can prove it to yourself. You can have any circumstance, your weight, your bank account, your job, your car, your home, the last date that you went on, anything. And just simply ask yourself, how am I feeling about that? And why? Why am I feeling that way? The answer to the why is the thought that you're thinking. And if you don't want to feel that way any longer, good news, you have free will to choose. You can choose a better feeling thought. I promise you there is one. You just have to roll up your sleeves and do the work to find what's believable. This is life changing work, you guys. Life changing because the think, feel, act cycle creates your results. And if we have 60,000 thoughts a day that you're actually being intentional with, you cannot become anything but a self made person. You create your own results. You take responsibility for the experiences. You decide on the front end, like you do this work from this book. And you decide on the front end what it is that you want. And you learn how to choose your thoughts with intention. Guess what? You've also just chosen how it is that you're feeling and the actions that will be driven from those feelings. And you now create your moment by moment, your day, your week, your life. That's what it means to become self made, is you are deciding how it is you want to think moment by moment by moment. Is it work? Yes. It's not magic. But once you get good at this, it starts to replace those old neural pathways, those old ways of thinking that are very habitual with these new intentional thoughts. Those neural pathways start to become established with practice. It takes time, but all of it changes in a nanosecond. Ismar.

Yeah, Let me just unmute myself. Hi. Hi. From Malta, another part of the world. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't expecting today to have this like, let's say psychological session because I was expecting another kind of thing. But yeah, I can only refer to that because, yeah, I mean, I was dating this one girl last week and you know, we met, we spent the night together and we met on the weekend as well. But yeah, from one side it's really good because we met and you know, I experienced how is it with her and vice versa. But also I realized, like, she's not really a type of person that I would really kind of like, you know, invest in. And there's something, what, what we were talking about here before because I think I really need to, how can I say, set up my filters and standards to get the girl that I really, really want. And I mean it kind of, kind of. It, I mean, it, it connects with what you are saying because, you know, like, I can also feel, you know, discouraged because now this girl is like, not really perfect and I don't see the future with her. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then, and again, if I wouldn't try and, you know, meet her, go left, go right, like I would never know. So basically I get this point that you're saying, I mean, we should feel kind of like, let's say motivated or happy to go through all these things because it seems like in sales, like, I mean, I don't know, you need to talk with 10 clients to get one good, you know, So I think it's kind of like that. But I also think that for future for me, I really need to take these things from a little distance and not really get involved straight away because I fall in love in the morning already, like really fast and just take it slow and kind of like go inside and experience, you know, all the emotions and all stuff, you know. So, yeah, that's just what I have to say, actually.

Yeah. Thank you. So understanding what you don't want is the best path to understanding what you do want. So being very appreciative of the experience that helped you better understand what it is that you don't want just got you closer to understanding what you do want. So we can always appreciate the effort that we've put forth because it has helped us understand the context. And so if I, I'll have clients that will come and say, I'm so broken, I don't even know what I want. And I can get them to answer the question what it is that they do want simply by talking about what it is that they have found that they do not want. This can be in the context of a girlfriend, of a job, you know, of their health and wellness. Right? So, so that thought I now am closer to knowing what it is that I do want thanks to that date, thanks to that woman. And it I can't help but think about. So we have this book coming out in about less than a month. It's called the Self Made man. And it's all. It's the dating edition. And the front of it is very similar to the Becoming Self Made. This book is just very general with goals and it takes you through an assessment of your entire life and it takes you through health and wellness and relationships and your professional life, having you assess which areas you're least satisfied with so that you can set your goals. Okay. And then you work day by day by day to progress towards those goals. This, the Self Made man is assuming that your goal is your dating life is to find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. So the front of this book is all about you. What is it that you want? What is it that you want? How do you want to become the next version of yourself? And who is it that you're looking for? So, Ismar, you would not be able to answer those questions that that book, that worksheet is going to ask you without having the context that you've just afforded yourself by going on that date.

Yeah, because. Because I would like to ask you something, you know, like this girl, I mean she's like working as hostess at, you know, parties and stuff like that. But I mean she looks really good, beautiful, blah, blah, blah. I mean, depends on the standards. But basically what I realized you know, like her habits. And my habits are, you know, day and night because, you know, I work out every day, I'm focused on my job. These kind of people, you know, like they drink on weekends, you know, Friday, Saturday party, no training. You know, it's like completely different values. So that's something what I see like not aligned completely and you know, life goes very quickly and you know, like, if you don't get your goals and stuff straight, I think you are losing your time a big way, you know. And from another side, I wanted to ask you just your opinion. Like, what do you think? Like are the, let's say high quality, meaning like good looking, good career girls or ladies, like harder to approach or not or they are maybe the same. That's like one question I have for you.

So these women, no matter what they look like or what they do for a living, to choose how you're thinking about them. So if you're thinking she's so hot and I'm not at her, you know, level, you're probably going to feel nervous. Correct. But if you think she's just another person that I want to get to know, the nervousness will probably not be there. You'll probably be motivated. You probably feel curious. So again, it has everything to do with how you're choosing to think. If you want to approach a woman with confidence, then you would be thinking, this is no big deal. This is part of the process of me understanding what is it that I want and what it is that I don't want. This is part of the process that probably creates a level of confidence, a level of ease. So way easier to approach a woman when you are being intentional about how it is that you're thinking has nothing with woman that's standing has everything to do with how you're thinking. That's why Gracie and I take our clients through this work because we can give you the hacks all darn day and it's not going to be sustainable. It's going to get you short term wins. We are creating sustainability. We are creating self made people who, who understand themselves and make empowered choices. And when I say that, I'm not talking about the actions, I'm talking about empowered choices about how they're thinking and feeling. It changes lives. So hang with us. We will keep practicing this alongside of you so that you will get very proficient at this work. Okay, Kara? Okay.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So I originally started filling out the page with the opposite thoughts, not additional thoughts. So yeah, and then I noticed the Header. And I was like, wait, I'm doing this wrong. So my question is, what do I do with these additional thoughts once I brain dumped them?

Yes. Okay, so this whole worksheet is meant to heighten your awareness. It's meant to give you those aha moments. Oh, I'm feeling frustrated, not because of the client, but because I'm thinking this about the client. It's. All this is meant to do is give you those aha moments. That heightened level of awareness. This is not to change anything about the circumstance. This is a worksheet that heightens your awareness. Okay. Makes sense.

Yeah. Okay, so like, for example, under the emotions, how you have guilt, but then you have all the secondary stuff. Secondary emotions.

So many people don't know that. They would say, I feel guilty when they're actually really embarrassed.

Okay.

So many people would say, I don't know what this feeling is. I just don't want to feel it anymore. And they'll go and drink themselves silly because they can't stand that emotion. They don't even know what it is. This is meant to heighten your awareness. Oh, I'm embarrassed. And I'm embarrassed because I'm thinking, I shouldn't have done that. Oh, I thought it was because I'm 20 pounds overweight. No, it's because you're thinking, I shouldn't have eaten that. Okay. Okay. This is a. An awareness heightening exercise. It seems tedious. I promise it's worth its weight in gold. Stick with me, you guys. Do this worksheet. If you haven't finished it, please tap into your, like, body, lean into it and ask yourself, why is it that I feel anxious? What is it that I'm believing? What is it that I'm thinking? Why is it that I'm feeling disappointed? You can take yourself to a particular circumstance if that's helpful. Okay.

And I think it'll be better when potentially, if I can be aware of it, to go and fill this out when I'm. When and if I'm feeling this instead of just trying to think about it on the fly. So. Okay, I was trying to, like, fill it all out, but I just kind of get stuck a little bit. So.

Okay, cool.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Okay, guys, so from here, we encourage you to go to your group coaching sessions. We have different types of sessions within each of the community. The Self Madeu community has group coaching on Wednesdays. I know Gracie's got one coming up. Take this work, take these emotions and go to your group coaching call because the coaches can help you come up with better feeling thoughts. When you are feeling something different, you're going to behave differently. Therefore, you will get different results. Okay? That's the whole point.

All right.

Thank you.

I have a question. When does that book come out, like the new book that is dating for men?

At the end of June. Yeah, end of June. We'll definitely let you guys know.

Sounds good.

All right.