Monday Coaching Call Facilitated by Tracy Think Feel Act Cycle Jul 14 2025 1

No, it's totally fine. Okay, so I'll keep an eye on the waiting room because inevitably, I know there will be people that will join us a little bit late. But I want to just talk about what this call is for, especially. We haven't met in two weeks. Last week we took off because of the holiday here in the United States and trying to get back into the swing of things. And I would say that this is applicable in any context. Trying to get back in the swing of things can be tricky. It can be challenging. And so our brains really crave routine. They crave habits and patterns. And so when you're not executing on a habit or a pattern, your brain will tell you something has gone wrong. And so it can be really helpful to have support in getting back into a routine. And that's exactly what this call is intended for, is to get you back into the routine, the habit, the pattern of better understanding yourself and being intentional. So we call this the reset call because on any given day, we might need a little bit of assistance and resetting. I know I do. I was like craving the time with this book yesterday. A lot of you just heard me say that for the last, like 10 days, I have been heads down working in our community, serving at this festival, which is amazing. But I am somebody who really needs to kind of compartmentalize. And so my brain is tethered to self made you dating with Gracie 99% of the time. And I had to like detach and focus on something else. And once I finally could like wrap that up, all I wanted to do was get back to this book because this is the resource that makes me feel in control. So if you're somebody who is like challenged by feeling out of control or feeling like you're in a state of chaos or you don't know what to do next, or you're grappling with any sort of unwanted feeling, this is the resource that I highly, highly recommend. You can get the book on Amazon. The worksheets that could kind of fill the gap while you're waiting for the book are in the community. You can download them. You don't have to have them. A lot of what you know, the concepts that I teach on these reset calls can be done without the worksheet. It's just the worksheet or the book is a really nice tool of convenience. But these concepts are really what matters most. Okay, so every week we reset by looking at the past week or weeks, you just want to kind of take a look backwards and ask yourself what worked well? What worked well about the last seven days? What worked well about the last 10, 14 days? The way I go about that is I literally flip through my book or I look at my calendar just to try to jog my memory around. Where have I been? What have I been doing? If you don't ask yourself that question, your brain is going to skew into a very judgmental state and it's gonna, it's going to assume that a lot of things didn't work. Okay? That's what our brain does. Our brain is trying to keep us safe, so it's always scanning for danger. We have to be intentional about getting it onto the track of looking at what actually did work. Okay? So this is, this question is very purposeful and it's very, very strategic. Because when emotions are high, intellect is low. Okay? When emotions are high, when your brain is spinning out on all the things that didn't work, all the judgments, you can't tap into that logical part of your brain. It wants to stay in the drama. It wants to play victim. Quite honestly, that's what mine does. So when I notice that my brain is in full victim mode, I'm not going to be able to come up with any sort of strategy or best next steps. It's impossible. So asking your brain to look for with intention what has went well is very purposeful because we get you out of the drama and we get you tapped into the intellectual. So when intellect is high, drama is low. And we ask the second question, once intellect is high, once we've tapped into our prodigy brain, our prefrontal cortex, because that question can trip the trigger of some negativity. But before we go there, I want you just to bullet point what has went right, what's working, what has worked in the recent past. I'll just give you a minute. You don't have to journal on this. You can simply just bullet point what has worked well for you in the recent past. If you want some more prompts, look at your goals, look at the goals that you have set for this three month span and look and see what kind of progress you've made. Sa. Okay, so now that we've got your brain in an intentional state, looking for what has went right, just facts. We're not adding any adjectives, we're just stating the facts. Now we want to stay in that place. And again, just the facts of what didn't work, what didn't work for you last week, just the facts. We do not want to attach any drama. It might look like resigned a client. It might look like for us, our hot water heater went out and because we didn't catch it fast enough, then our iron filter went out. And because we didn't catch that fast enough, the pump in our well may have went out. And so we had a repairman come out to tell us that we're talking $20,000 plus in repairs didn't work so well. But those are all facts right now. What the drama where my brain wants to go. My brain wants to go and blame my husband for not being proactive in the maintenance of these things, not understanding, like how to maintain these things. That's where my brain wants to go. It wants to go into all this drama about how, how I'm, you know, the victim in this case. Just the facts. Hot water heater broke, iron filter broke. Potentially the well filter or the well pump broke. I know a lot of you in here are in the dating with Gracie community and reached out for a second date, haven't heard back. I wouldn't even use the word ghosted or anything like that because there's a lot of drama associated with that. We just want the facts, okay? For those of you working on professional goals, you may have not hit a particular quota, okay? It's just the facts didn't hit this number by this eight. For those of you working on weight loss, gain two pounds, okay? We don't need to add any drama, just the bullet points of what didn't work. I want you to notice when you just use the bullet points and you're just stating the facts and you strip away all of the adjectives, I want you to notice how different the vibration in your body feels. This person said words right versus the words that they actually said right. We interpret things, especially when it's via text. Our brain skews into the very dramatic interpretation when in reality we could just be thinking they said words. Completely different vibration that goes through your body. And why is that important? Because vibrations, emotions, feelings are what drive our behaviors. So if we have an unwanted negative feeling going through our body or a low vibration going through our body, it's going to drive behaviors that are going to sabotage us. So we want to recognize, we want to connect the dots between how our thinking, the thoughts that are going through our brain are actually the root cause of the vibration that's being felt going through our body. It's crazy. It's absolutely mind blowing. If we don't make that connection, we assume that it's a circumstance that's making us feel something and that's not true. It's the way you're thinking about the circumstance that's actually the root cause of how it is that you're feeling. Okay? Let that sink in. Does anybody need any clarification or want me to say anything more about that? Feel free to come off mute. It's a very, very, very important concept to understand. It's the most critical concept that will pull you out of victim mode. It will pull you out of this tendency to self sabotage when you understand that it's not the girl who didn't reply. It's not your job, it's not your boss. It's not the sweets that you think you're addicted to. It's not the husband who doesn't understand how to maintain large equipment. It's none of that. It's the way you're actually thinking about that, okay? It's the thoughts that are creating the feeling. And when you believe that to be true, when you've had that experience enough times when you're on this call to connect the dots enough times, you will start to realize the amount of control you actually have in your life. You will start redirecting the unintentional thoughts to intentional thoughts so that you start behaving in a way that gets you closer to your goals, not further away from them. Okay? And so then last prompt on the weekly reflection is, what will I do differently next week? So, learning from what worked and what didn't work, I just want you to come up with a statement, a little strategy around what you're going to do different going into this next week. Okay. And whatever you're writing there, I want you to ask yourself, is that something that I can schedule right now, or is it something that needs to be kind of thought through? Is there a strategy that needs to go behind it? Which goal of mine that I'm currently working on does this actually pertain to? Because the next component of this call is setting our weekly intentions. So you've decided you've learned from last week. Now we want to carry this forward and really set some intentions. So you've got on the weekly intention sheet, you just quickly put the date, today's Monday, July 14th. You decide what are the four goals that you have for yourself this week? If they're related to the goals that you set at the front of this book, awesome. If it's a micro goal that kind of is connected to something that was set in the front of this book, that's awesome too. Mine are very vague. I've got Podcast as One goal dating with Gracie. One goal self made you one goal. I mean, these are very big goals, but they're containers, okay? That's how I look at it. And then we have some things that we're looking to sell. So I have a liquidate goal and the strategies that I just came up with from reflecting on my past week fall into those goals. Okay? So this is a compounded effort, compounded exercise that's really supporting you in making good decisions. So I just want you to decide, what are the goals for this week, what are the containers, and what are the actions that you're willing to take this week. Now, if you know there are some really big actions that, that need to be taken, but you are not convinced that this is the week to do it, don't write it down. This is not an exercise in self sabotage. This is an exercise in supporting you in making progress. Okay? Progress is what we're looking for. This is not perfection. This is simply progress. But often those women who are looking or men who are looking to lose weight, they'll be like, I want to lose 10 pounds and I want them, I want it off by the end of this week. Okay? Probably not reasonable, not a good goal, because you're setting yourself up for failure. Let's make it more reasonable. Two pounds a week is probably more reasonable. And then you would list in the actions, what is it that you're going to do this week? You're going to fast for a day, you are going to meal prep, you're going to make. You're going to track your water intake. For those of you who are in the DWG community, you're going to attend a group coaching call, you're going to add a question in the community and gain some clarification or gain some clarity or you're going to spend time in the dating apps connecting, like, really executing on some of those best practices that you've learned. Maybe for those of you who are working on some professional goals, maybe it's just carving out an hour's worth of time where you can be 100% focused on what it is that you need to do to reach your goals, your professional goals. Sometimes that can be such a great best practice, but we don't slow down enough to offer ourselves this, like, uninterrupted time. We just think we're going to do it on the fly. Hey, Kyle, go ahead.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to say anything until. All right, thank you. So, yeah, I know Gracie has mentioned a Instagram video before that? Like. Well, the question, My question is basically this, is it really true that if they're really meant to be with you, there is nothing you have to do to make it better for them as far as them wanting to be with you? Like, is it really just gonna, is it really just gonna be as matching or as like, I don't know how you even describe it. Like is it going to be as natural as it should be or is it going to be like you have to do some things to I guess kind of make the match or attraction better for that other person? Because I wasn't really sure what she was like saying by that. I mean, you know, you know, is she really saying that you, that's really going to be as perfect as that or is it just going to be. You have to put some things in to make it perfect.

I can take this.

Oh, hey, what's up?

Yeah, hi. Good to see you, Kyle. It's a good question. I'm not, I can't remember which video you're referring to, but with any relationship, yes, you are going to have to put in some effort. It should be both ways. So I'm sure the video was more so referencing to like it shouldn't be one sided. So if you're always the one putting in effort and you're not receiving anything in return, no, it's not worth it to keep putting in more effort. There should be an equal amount of effort coming in from the other side. And if it's not, then yes, it's time to move on. It's not to say that it's going to be easy, but it should be at least reciprocal.

Okay. Oh, so you're okay that it was okay? Because I didn't know because like I thought like, you know, I've heard people, if your peers say if, if it's meant to be and everything like that you're. If it's meant to be, then there's nothing that will even that there's nothing that will stop that from happening. Like you know, if God wants it to happen, it's going to happen and there's nothing that can delay that or anything to that. So I wasn't, it's actually my father told me that so I wasn't like really sure like where the limitations and like, you know, what was. I want to just be more clear on that.

I think that if you have done your part right, there's only. You can control what's, what's in your control, but you can't control what the other person does, how the other person thinks, how the other person feels about you. Right. So keeping that separate, if you are doing your part, if you're showing up, if you're making your interest known, if you are putting in the effort on your end and it's not being reciprocated from there, then I would say, yes, it's time to move on. And I would agree that, that, you know, if it is meant to be, that it won't be so hard.

Oh, that. Okay, that's a, that's a, that's a good point. Okay, I've never had anybody, I guess, really explain to me like that, but you know, my dad's been married for a long time, so it's like he's like, yeah, I'm, I've been out of the dating game for God knows how long.

Yeah, no, it's a good question.

Yeah.

So this kind of clarification, you guys, is what's going to help you like make some decisions about how to move forward. Okay, so Kyle, I appreciate that. And now it's like, okay, so what can I like deduct from that best practice and put into play? What is it that I can be intentional about this week that's going to get me closer to my goals? Okay, so on that weekly intention sheet, I hope you have at least one goal that you're working towards. Maybe it's, maybe it's going out on a date in the next 14 days. Maybe it is losing two pounds. Maybe it is getting a promotion at work. All of these are life's like within the realm of life. We, at the beginning of this book, we ascend, assess the eight major components of our life so that we can really better understand what we're least satisfied with and we can create our goals from there. Those of you who are in the dating with Gracie community, we solely focus on your dating life. Those of you in the self Made U community, it's, you know, it can have, it can have connections to your health and wellness, your social life, your financial life, self. So just so you understand why I'm giving lots of different types of examples because we have a blend of two different communities in here. But pick at least one goal and decide what are the actions that I am going to take this week that are going to get me closer to that goal. That's what the weekly intention page is meant for. And then what I want you to do is I want you to transfer those actions that you've already decided you're going to take into The Daily Planner. So if you, if you're working inside the book, just go forward a couple pages and you'll see seven days of Daily Planner. How I like to go about this is I just quickly date the seven days. So I'm very grounded in the week that I'm working in. So today, Monday, July 14, the next page. Tuesday, July 15, Wednesday, July 16, Thursday, July 17, Friday, July 18, Saturday, July 19, and Sunday, July 20. Now I'm very grounded in the work that the week that I'm working in. Yesterday somebody invited us to a pool party and they said July 20th. And I just thought that it was. I got the invitation on Saturday and so I just assumed that she was talking about yesterday. I'm like, oh yeah, no, I'm super busy in my pajamas all day not getting out of bed. And she's like, no, July 20th. And I'm like, oh, I don't even know what date it is because I haven't done this work in like a week. So this is just a really great way to get grounded in the week ahead. Know what the dates are. Okay, now back to Monday. Today. All of us are on this call right now. So 9:00am Central Standard Time. I'm on the reset call. What else are you committed to today? I want you to put the time and what it is that you have decided you are going to be committed to for the remainder of the day. So mine goes all the way through 8:30 tonight and then look at that day. Is there any white space? Do you have any opportunity to plug in some of your intentions of getting closer to your goal? We all have to start with the things that we've already committed to. We are all people of integrity. You don't make commitments without the intention of following through on it. That's why this tool is so important. We want to make sure that we keep our word. So we start with where it is that we've already decided we're going to be. So remind yourself of that. Ground yourself in that. But then look and ask yourself, where's the white space? Can I fit in some of these actions? Your brain's probably screaming at you. No. It's hard. It's scary. I don't want to do it. I get it. I'm like that too. But we're making it simple, okay? We're taking the steps in small enough, like segments to simplify it. So I want you to even look ahead at the next six days. There's probably reoccurring appointments. There's things that you already have on your calendar. I like to look at my digital calendar and I transfer into the book. It might feel like this is just busy work. It's not. It's grounding you in your week. Things that stay digital seem virtual, they seem abstract, they're less concrete than if you were to write it pen to paper. I want you to be grounded in your commitments, in your decisions, in your intentions. And maybe you recognize you have enough white space or you know that today is the day that you're going to execute on one of those intentions, but you don't know exactly when. That's what the box, the daily to do box beneath the planner, beneath the today's schedule is there for. So I have a noon call that I'm prepping for. I have a couple adjustments that I need to make with clients on their one on one times, their one on one calls and I have a couple follow ups. Those are all the things that are in my to do box. I don't know exactly what time I'm going to be able to do it, but those are the things. Before my head hits the pillow tonight, those things are going to get done. That's what goes in that to do box. Okay? On the right hand side of that same sheet, on that same page.

Is.

The thoughts and feelings. This is the most important part of this call. It's the most important decision you will make today. So listen up. This is where I want you to identify three events, three commitments, three intentions, three circumstances that are upcoming today. It might be a person that you are going to interact with. It might be a goal that you have set. It might be your noon appointment. Pick three circumstances and plug them into event one. Event two, Event three.

It.

Everybody have your events picked. Raise your hand if you've got all three events picked that you are going to be intentional about how it is you're going to think and feel about those events. Raise your hand if you've got them. Okay, now I want you to decide with intention. Look at event one for me. It's recording the podcast. We're actually recording two today, which we've never done before. Two back to back. How is it that I want to feel? I have to ask myself. I need to be very intentional about this because if I'm not intentional, I'm just going to go into this in a very autopilot state. That's not the way I want to record a podcast. I want to be super intentional. I'm going to Decide today at 9:30 how it is that I am going to be feeling at one o' clock this afternoon sounds crazy. Most people don't do this. You guys are people that are committed to a self made life. You guys are taking responsibility for your results, for your outcomes, for your day to day feelings and experiences. It's super important, you guys that you take back control and you realize the opportunity you have. I have the opportunity to feel inspired and compassionate at one o' clock today. I don't have to wait and hope that something magically happens. That's not the way life works. Take control. Decide ahead of time how it is that you are going to feel. That's what a self made person does. So I want to feel inspired. It's probably one of my most favorite emotions, favorite vibrations to experience. And so if you have the bookmark, this is a super handy tool to just peruse all the emotions that are available to you. There's hundreds of thousands, if not more, but this tool just gives you some suggestions on ways to think thoughts that you can kind of manipulate that might feel closer to that emotion that you want to feel that than if you were just on autopilot, unintentional. So if I would feel inspired, the suggested thought is I am inspired to take action towards my highest potential. Believe me, I forget all the time what my highest potential is. But reminding myself that I'm going to go for it, I'm. I know that my potential is like way up here. I have to remind myself to like go for it. Otherwise it's just like I'm just checking a box. Certainly not the way I want to show up to record a podcast. But I also do this work to decide ahead of time. That's who I am. I am not somebody who runs on default. Most human beings wake up and they're just kind of sluggishly going through their day. They're not being intentional at all. They might be intentional with a few actions, but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the root cause of actions, which is your thinking and feeling. That's why both memberships, we give you guys best practices. But what Gracie and I know and all the other coaches know that it's actually not about the actions. The actions are not going to create sustainable results. If you don't do the work to change the way you're thinking and feeling, that's what changes the person is when we do the work to change the way we're thinking and feeling. If you've got a whole lot of self loathing going on, but yet you're just checking the box on actions. I promise you, it's not going to yield sustainable results. It won't. You're going to feel like you're pushing a boulder uphill. Believe me, I've been there. I know that. That's why we do the work to change the way we're thinking and feel, healing. And then organically, it's mind blowing how the actions that you once thought were most important, they just organically happen. They unfold for you in front of your very eyes. So doing this work, intentionally deciding how it is that you're going to think and feel at any given point in the day, this is an exercise. This is the routine. These are the patterns that we want to get you accustomed to so that at any given time, under any given circumstance, you feel in control. So I want you to pick exactly how it is that you want to be feeling during those three events throughout your day and what it is that you would have to be believing. What's the thought that has to be running through your mind that you're willing to pull out at that time to create the vibration? It's not going to magically land on you. You got to do the work, you guys. But the beautiful part is, is it's available to you. Anybody have any questions, feel free to come off mute.

I do, actually. It's not pertaining what you were saying. I'm sorry. But it's. It's definitely a question that I've had since last week that, like, my therapist actually wanted me to ask you guys, if that's okay.

Of course.

Yeah. So it's very personal because, like, I have a super close friend at my job, and I tell her everything, and they know a lot about me, and I'm very attracted to their daughter. And they have. Then they are very close to them, and I want to date them and maybe marry them and have a family one day with them. But the issue is that I don't ever want to do anything bad to my relationship with them because it's super important to me. But now. But how can I date their. But how can I date their daughter and not screw up anything with relationship with them at all? Like, what do I do? I really can't screw anything. I can't screw anything with my relationship with them at all. So should I still ask her out or what?

Okay, so it's sounding like you have a lot of fear, right? Do you recognize that? You recognize, Kyle, that you're. You're operating from fear?

Oh, 100. I mean, I I definitely know.

Yeah.

I know there's a lot of fear in this. And, like, I'm just, like, looking to know. Yeah. I'm just gonna say that. Yeah, I have a lot of fear in it.

Yeah. Okay. So, Kyle, notice how you're wanting the actions. You're wanting to understand what is it that I need to do.

Correct.

Right. Fear is driving that. I don't know what to do, and I'm. I'm afraid I'm going to mess it up.

Yeah, that's.

Those are the thoughts that are creating the fear that is going to drive your behaviors. Not a good place to be when. When it sounds like the stakes are really high.

Yeah.

Okay. So what is it that you want to be feeling the next time that you're in the presence of this woman?

Completely safe.

Safe. Okay. All right. So what is it that you would need to be believing to feel safe? Think about the last time you felt safe. What is it that you were thinking? Just go there for a moment.

All good. That's what I was thinking. It's all good.

Okay, let's get a little bit more specific.

Nothing bad's gonna happen.

Okay. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe that?

Do I believe that? I don't know. I'd say about an 8. That's the only number that comes to my mind right now.

Okay, what was the thought again? Nothing bad is gonna happen.

I guess something like that.

Okay. So I'm safe and nothing bad is going to happen.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

And you believe that at a level of 10 or at a level of 8?

Yes.

What would take that. To a 10.

To actually know that? This. This is not going to go bad at all.

Okay. But you. I'm safe. Nothing bad is going to happen. We can take the woman out of the circumstance. We know she's going to. She may be present. Tell me about why it is that you feel safe in that work environment.

Because I feel safe in the work environment. Like, just initially talking to them, it feels. Because I know that they can. They accept me.

Okay.

Yep.

How do you know that?

I've known her for.

Okay. Just notice how when we're thinking about those kind of memories, when we're having those kind of thoughts, notice how safety is the emotion is the vibration that runs through your body.

Yes.

But when you're unintentionally thinking, I don't know what's going to happen, Things could go very, very wrong. Fear runs through your body. Fear is the vibration.

Yes, of course.

Okay. It's a Choice, Kyle. Yeah, it's a choice. You can choose to walk into work thinking, I don't know what's going to happen. This is super scary. And be driven by fear.

Yeah.

Or you can choose a believable thought. I'm safe. They accept me.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. That's how simple this is, you guys. It has everything to do with the way you're thinking and feeling. It's not about the how, it's not about. But what are the words that I should be saying? You focus on that and you're going to lose all sorts of control. You're thinking that it's about the perfect word. It's not. It's about how you're feeling. What if you thought. It doesn't matter what I say or what she says back to me. I'm confident, I'm safe. I'm curious. Your thoughts will start to spiral and have you believing that it's game over if she doesn't respond in the perfect way. Which is. That's not even true. But that's what your brain tells you. So we've got to get a hold of that. We've got to stop the spiral. And the way we do that is by changing the way we're feeling. It's your choice. You can feel safe or you can feel afraid. You've given me both thoughts and now it's a matter of practicing. It's not just a one off opportunity, it's practice. Practice lifestyle. What's that?

It's a lifestyle 100%.

100%.

I mean is it okay if I like ask one or two more questions and that's all for me basically.

Sure.

So yeah, my clothing style. So I mean I, I have been like, so my clothing style, I mean I, Gracie would probably know this better. I mean, well, because it's from the early 2000s, but I mean it's a, it's called skate punk. And that's, that's the clothing style that I, I go with a reference for that would be like A Simple plan or some 41 or blink 182. Like how their clothing style was like in the early 2000s. That that's basically what it is, the reference to it. And I mean I have been like that just that's how I dress and that's kind of like just my attitude and how I am. I've been interested in pop punk, girls style. That too. Like emo, I guess. And how could I get that if, if anything. But I'm not like, I'm not just only limited to that, you know, I mean, I'm not limited to just like, that as a style or that, like, as a.

Are you asking about a style of a girl? Like the style of clothes that she's wearing and the way she, like, conducts herself?

Yeah, like, basically like it. Like, I will. I would like to date someone that is. That. That also likes this because I'm. My style is pop punk, and I. I also like listening to pop punk as well.

Okay, so let's reverse architect this. Yeah. What do you think you would need to do to find a girl who fits that style?

Go to. Wow. Okay. Go to. Go to places that are. That. That basically, you know, give off that. That representation that, like, you know, that like. Like something that. Okay, so it's gonna be. So if there's a place that's giving off warped tour vibes, because that's what. That. That's where. That's what it comes from, I guess.

Yep. And so what would it take to get you into that place?

Going to places that are. That. That. That associate with that.

Okay, so tell me why you're not doing that right now.

Honestly, I'm afraid I. My thing is, I don't want to take an action that I regret doing because I don't want to be like, oh, well, that was for nothing. But I'm. I.

Okay, so what I'm hearing you say is I'm afraid.

Yes.

Okay. So just notice how the vibration that's going through your body is fear.

Yeah.

That vibration is driving a behavior. Even though the behavior is an inaction, it's still a behavior. It's keeping you from going to the very place where you know you're going to meet the kind of girl that you want to meet. Isn't that interesting? It's fear that's driving the. That behavior of not showing up where, you know, the type of girl is at. So again, this is the exact same scenario that's a very similar example. What is it that you would have to be feeling that would have you walking through the door or into that space where those skater girls exist? What's the feeling? What would you have to be feeling?

Confident.

Confident. What do you think you would have to be believing in order to feel confident?

What I have to be feeling to be confident? Sure.

What would you be thinking in order to be feeling confident? A confident man who walks into that space. What's he thinking?

Okay, so a confident man. Well, I mean, I can only speak for myself. I'm going into that, but what do I have to be thinking? To feel confident. I'm thinking, I got this. I know what I want, and if I get it, I get it. If I don't, then it's, there you.

Go, there you go. That's exactly it, Kyle. Notice the difference. You've got a choice. You've got a choice. That's like part of me says, throw out all the other thoughts and go to the thought, the belief. I've got a choice. I don't have to believe this bullshit thought that my primitive brain keeps offering me. I have a choice. I'm actually in control. That, to me, is one of the most empowering beliefs. It's changed my life. I used to think that it was everybody else's fault for being overweight, for over drinking, for under earning, all the things. And then I realized, wait a minute, I have a choice to think and feel differently. And when I realized that thinking and feeling was the root cause of every one of my results, it was like, bing. That's the solution. And now Gracie and I and all the other coaches, we literally spend our life preaching this, teaching this, helping people understand this concept. It took me 40 some odd years to understand it. We don't want you guys to live in a reactive state for 40 some odd years. It's like, you guys could learn that today, and it can completely change your life. It has everything to do with what you're thinking and feeling, period. The actions, they organically unfold when you are intentional about your thoughts. And so these are such good examples. Kyle, I so appreciate you being vulnerable and courageous and showing up and asking the questions. It's really, really, really helpful.

Okay.

On this call.

Oh, yeah, I. I was, yeah, definitely just looking for help like everybody else was. That's why, that's why I'm here. Definitely. I do have another one last question, Mike. I. So my car basically is a 2001 Buick century custom, and it's not in the best shape in the world. It's not in the best shape. You can definitely tell it's old, definitely messy. But I, I'm planning on cleaning it out so this way it looks more presentable. And the left side of the door is like, kind of like, it has a, like a, kind of a dent in it. Like the, like next to the door has a dent in it. And like, I, I mean, I do have full time, but like, you know, my dad's like, you know, what are you going, you, you want the girl, but what are you gonna offer her? And I'm like, well, me and she. And he goes no, it's not what I mean. I'm like, okay. And he goes, I mean, what are you going to, like? You have an apartment? Do you have a nice car? Do you have, you know, what do you have to offer her that, you know, she couldn't, you know, that you can kind of go off of? Not just, oh, I. Oh, you know what we're gonna say, oh, you know what? My grandmother. I have. I'm, you know, my, you know, I don't drive the best car in the world, and I'm working, trying to get my own apartment. Like, you know, the, you know, is. Is like, what do you do in that instance? Do you still go on dates or do you work on yourself until you can get to that point, which will take an. On, which will take, like, God knows how long? Like, what can you do from there as far as your dating goes?

Okay, so the question is, what is it that you have to offer her?

Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

So I don't know if you've ever heard, like, the phrase or the concept that your intentions mean more than what it is that then you're actually doing. Okay, so. Or what it is that you've actually created. Okay, so you're becoming a man who invests in himself, who is learning how to understand himself and learn how to create what it is that he has decided he wants. Not what your dad wants, not what society says you should have. You decide what it is that you want.

Okay?

You're becoming a man who understands that it has everything to do with your thoughts and feelings and very little to do with the dent in your door.

Okay.

Okay. So this has everything to do with your intentions. You showed up to this call. You raised your hand. You've asked amazing questions. Tell me what that means about you.

It shows that you want to go in the right direction. Shows that, like, you know, it's like, you're not saying, well, you know, fuck me, what am I going to do with my life? Not at all. It's saying, well, how do I get to where this is what I want? How do I get to where I want? How do I get to that?

Yeah. Damn straight it is like, this is what I want and I'm making the progress. It's not that I expect it to happen overnight. It means I'm rolling up my sleeves and I'm doing the work. That's what you're doing. You're becoming a man who gets what it is that he wants. You're willing to do the work. You're not expecting Some magic to happen. You're doing the work. It all starts with how it is that you're thinking.

Yes, there's. Yeah. And.

Okay, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe that you are becoming the man that you want to be?

Honestly, I wonder how much you want to believe it. I'd say about an eight at least. Or a nine. Because like my, I believe my journey is different. And I mean my dad grew up in I think the 70s or the 80s in his teenage years, like trying to like, you know, he, he became fdny, which is basically the New York City Fire Department. Very proud of him for that. But. And that was before I was born. But like, you know, I kind of feel like it's a, like a different generation and like, I'm not really sure. Like what do you, where do you draw the line between like, you know, if he's correct and you know, like my situation or like what's really right and what's really wrong? Where do you go?

He has, he's entitled to his own thoughts and his own feelings. Right? And those thoughts and feelings are going to deliver his results, his experiences. But you get to choose your thoughts and your feelings. And when you intentionally choose, it changes everything.

Yeah.

Guess what it does. It allows your dad to have his own thoughts and feelings and you get to love him for it.

Yeah, he just wants me to be on my own. And I completely agree with him about being on my own. But like, you know, because I'm, you know, I love my grandmother and like, you know, he doesn't want anything to happen to the point where it's like, listen, if something happens to her and you're on the streets, what are you going to do? That he's like, you know, he goes, I just want you to is. He goes, you can do whatever you want, but just, just, just, just as long as you have a full time job and, and you can save it up money to, to get your own place at least then he goes, then you're fine if you support yourself.

Fine. Right. And your dad is probably offering you all that advice because he loves you very much. He wants the best for you. Right? That can be the thought that you choose, which probably creates love and empathy going through your body. That's a thought worth practicing right there. Hey, Kara, go ahead.

Hey, Kyle. I just wanted to comment on this because it's really interesting. A car is a temporary thing. It's not a representation of you. And I'll say that I met this guy a while back, and he kind of had, like, an older car. You know, it wasn't super clean. It wasn't a Lamborghini, but he had a really good heart, and he was really nice, and I could tell he was a good guy. And I married him. I didn't marry him for his car. If I. If somebody rolls up in a Lamborghini, I'm gonna question their financial skills. If somebody shows up in kind of a beater, I'm gonna say, you know, what goals does this guy have? Because if you're working on yourself and. And you're working on certain things to better yourself, I'm going to focus more on that than I am your car. And I recently learned something that is also kind of poignant is, like, you get to invite who you want in your clubhouse, like, your life, you know, and if you're seeing somebody or you want to see somebody, and they're judging you on your car, and they're wondering why you're not driving a BMW at whatever age you are, you have to ask yourself, like, is that the person that I want to be with? And if it is, great, that's you. But if it's not, if you want something deeper, then it's okay. You don't have to invite them into your clubhouse. They are not meant to be a.

Part of your life.

And so if they're going to judge you for the type of car that you. That you drive right now, temporarily, then that's. That's a deeper conversation that you have to have with yourself.

Okay?

And a lot of people, you know, they say, like, disappear for six months and, like, change your life. You know, don't worry about what other people think and all of that stuff. And that's kind of where you're at. It's like, you're working on yourself, and you can't really focus on what other people think and how they're gonna judge you, you know, unless you want them to be a part of your life, you know, then put more into that relationship. But if somebody's gonna judge you on your car, dude, like, you know, my.

Brother said that it's very. Dating is very. I'm like, because my brother's married, he's younger than me, like, two, five. Two years. But the, like, he just. He has, like, pretty good advice for me as well. Before I joined the community, and I was like, so you really. It really sounds like things pretty common sense. He goes, it is, actually. And I'm like, I didn't know that. I thought it was just complicated. Now it's common sense.

Yeah. And, you know, and there's going to be women out there that would rather be in a fancy car and wear fancy clothes. And, you know, if you want to be with a person like that, then that's your choice. But since you have kind of more of that classic skater, you know, 2000s lifestyle, like, do you want it? You don't seem to want to date somebody that wants to drive a BMW.

Yeah, I actually had a BMW, and that was in 1995. And I. And that is literally. My dad will agree with this. It is the worst car I've ever had.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And you probably like your little beater now than you do that thing, and that's great.

And that's who you are.

And, you know, so be. You don't feel like you have to change. And if somebody judges you for who you are now, then they might not be that person that you want to.

Invite into your clubhouse.

I mean, yeah, like, if I. If someone was driving with me and, like, you know, it's like, actually when I'm. When. When I'm with a girl, she has a car and I'm like. I'm like, would I look at her and, like, do I care about her car? I'm like, honestly, I didn't even look at your car. You know what I mean? Because, like, I'm not interested in what car she drives. I mean, if she's taking Uber everywhere, I'll be like, okay.

Women would rather you be nice, show up, and treat them with respect, then really kind of worry about what you drive, Like.

Yeah.

Because. Drive. Because having a. Something like that, living with your grandma, having a car, those are all temporary things.

Yeah, it is.

So.

Yeah. You gotta think long term.

Well, thank you for showing that. Cause no one's. No one's not. A lot of people have shown me that perspective. Is everybody. Everybody that, like, you know that my. All my brothers. Not except for one, but all my brothers are pretty much married and have their own thing. And I'm like, you know, my dad's like, still, you gotta get you on the. On the right track here.

Nah, you do. You. You be on your own track. You figure it out. You'll figure it out.

Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Yeah.

Tracy, I just want to mention, too, like, nobody on this call, like, will go and tell other people stuff. Right? Like, we keep this thing private, like.

Yep. The reset calls don't get published. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I just hope that, like, nobody on this call, you know, tells anybody else, like, stuff that's going on.

Yeah.

Nope.

All these calls are, are just for the communities. All confidential. They don't leave or go anywhere. So everything you say here is definitely safe here.

And there's no judgment. It's all support. We're not going to judge you. We're all going through things and we're here to support. We're not here to criticize.

I appreciate, I appreciate that car very much actually. I'm, I'm almost. Well, I'm 29 and three quarters because I, I turned 30 in September and not looking forward to it, but whatever. All my other friends that are 30 go, dude, it's really nothing.

It's not, it's a number. You're fine. Happy birthday.

I have no idea what it's like being 30 because at that point I'm kind of thinking to myself, like, you know, in your 20s, it's like people go, okay, like it, like, you know, it's like, oh, he's just learning. But by 30 it's like getting together, no one cares anymore. It's like, you should be this, you should be that. And it's just like, no one cares. Get over it, Kyle.

Dude, I turned 40 last year. I'm still, still trying to figure my out. Like, don't even worry. There's people in their 60s.

They're still trying to figure out like, you're fine.

Okay, cool. So.

All right, well, thank you guys for being here. Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions. I highly recommend jumping on to your group coaching calls self made use. Group coaching call is 09:00 Clock Central Standard Time on Wednesdays. Gracie, yours is all right, take care you guys.