SMU Reset Call Dec 30 2024 1

Is meant to be the springboard for this next week. Last week is done. We're going to use it for data. Data only. We do not use last week's wins or losses for or against us. This is a point in time where we're just moving forward. We're reminding ourselves, okay, what was the goal? Right. And so the first thing that we want to do is reflect, but again, it's only for data. So if you didn't do this last week, you can reflect back a couple weeks. I actually, I did this yesterday and I reflected, even though I did do this last week, I actually did look at the week prior, too, because I really kind of wanted to see what I could learn from both weeks, because I just. I really, truly do look at it as data. So asking yourself, what worked well in this past week? And I. The way that I can determine that is by looking at the intentions. So look at the weekly intentions. I remind myself of what my goals were. I remind myself of what the three to four priorities were and what were the actions that fell beneath those priorities. And I just check them off. If you got done, then I got a check next to it. So you go back to that page, the weekly intention.

In my book, it's 75, but I have the. I have the one with the extra pages.

Yeah, it would just depend on what week you're on. We all have the same book.

Oh, that's right. That's right.

Yep. Okay. And now looking at the things that actually got done, what thoughts, beliefs contributed to those outcomes? So one of mine was creating our vacation schedule for the year. I really wanted to get that done last week and get the whole calendar as filled in as I possibly could. That was one of the actions that fell under my family priority. And it got done and I was feeling excited. Which is the second question to the right. What feelings did you experience during these situations? I was excited and my thoughts were like, I can't wait to spend time with my family in these different places. And so that motivated me to put together the schedule. That's how that got done is because that was the thought, and that was generating an excited feeling that had me seeing that through all the way to the end. And this isn't, oh, that was a good thought, or that was a bad thought thought, or this is a good feeling, or that's a bad feeling. It's really an exercise in learning something about yourself, because that might not have even been intentional. For me, it really wasn't. I didn't have to sit down and Think about. Huh. How do I want to think about this? But in retrospect, I can connect the dots between feeling excited and actually getting something done. Okay, good to know. And then what didn't go so well this week? You can look back at your goals from the weekly intentions. You can look back the priorities. You can look at the things that don't have check marks next to it. Maybe the things that didn't get done. Maybe that's problematic, maybe not. Maybe the things that didn't get done didn't need to get done. And maybe that was actually, you know, something that worked well for you. But is there anything in reflecting back on the last week that didn't go so well?

Are you at. Is that a question to us?

Yeah. So. Well, it's just. This is on that weekly reflection.

Yeah.

That you're filling in. So just asking yourself what didn't go well? If anybody wants to share.

I ate. I. I just ate probably too many sweets, which I normally wouldn't. Wouldn't do. And I don't know if that was at one particular party that was just me buffering or, you know, trying to stay in my zone.

Okay, so what didn't go well was that you ate too many sweets at a. At a party. So that's the very specific. What didn't go well. Now try to get yourself back to that place.

Okay.

What were you thinking and what were you feeling? Were you feeling anxious? Were you feeling nervous? Were you feeling frustrated? Were you feeling joy? A lot of times it is joy or it's celebratory, like wanting to raise the good feeling even higher. People will eat.

No, it was actually thinking that we had stayed too long. It was. My grandsons was like an hour past his nap time. The parents didn't want to. Didn't think he'd sleep there, which he probably wouldn't have. And it was. I was probably just a little. I was anxious as to how they were handling things and I thought it was time to go. And I just. There was some dynamics between Mackenzie and Colin that I didn't quite understand. And I probably was thinking I should jump in. And so I just ate.

Okay, so you're thinking I should jump in. Why? What are you making that mean about you? The fact that there was dynamics between them. The baby didn't get down for a nap. What are you making that mean about you? So this is how you can really dig in and really cover something about yourself?

Well, I felt we should have. And because we had talked about this ahead of time, that should we drive separately? Should we drive alone? No, we're going to go together. And normally they are both pretty strict about, okay, we really need to get home and get Addison to bed. But there was none of that. But yet I could see Mackenzie just enjoying herself, having wine, yakking away, and Colin was the one dealing with. With. With Addison, and I just felt we should go. Okay, so what does that mean about myself? I felt uneasy about that.

Okay, but why. Why is it a problem?

I felt Colin was really struggling and not. Definitely not doing well.

Okay, and why is that a problem?

And it wasn't fair to Addison either, because he was. He was definitely acting out and just not sure what he should do. And it's not a very childproof house. And so it just. From my perspective, I couldn't relax.

Okay. Okay.

At that moment.

Yeah. So it's good to know that in the. In those moments of feeling angst that you turn to something that will comfort you, you turn to normal behavior. But it's really good to connect the dots so you can see that. But there is more learning to take away from this. You can also ask yourself, okay, so is there anything that is actually perfect about this situation? What might come from this experience that had they not had this experience, they would have missed out on?

Well, McKenna, my daughter was definitely enjoying her conversations with people that she had not seen for a while. Her cousin was here from New York, and so they were chatting, and so definitely that I was staying in my zone. But as. As soon as I. Because I. Then I kind of thought, okay, I decided this isn't. This isn't working for me. I'm not going to stand here and, you know, and observe because it's eating at me. And so I just went up to Colin and I said, do you think we should leave? Do you think it's time we should leave? Because they had driven their vehicle, and Colin immediately said, talk to Mackenzie. Yes. And so that told me he wasn't the one making the decisions. He was looking to Mackenzie to make the decision, and he was ready to go.

Yeah. Yeah. So maybe there was a little bit of a. Like, a connection with Colin. Like, he's kind of communicating with you in his own way.

Oh, yeah, he was. He was glad that I, you know.

Okay.

Yes.

The win. That's. That's a win. There's also, you know, as kids age, as. As Addison gets older, you know, they need to be probably testing how much longer can Addison.

Right.

You know, navigate these kind of. So there is, like, growth and understanding Opportunities here. And it does also build resilience. It's going to. It's going to build resilience. And Addison, it's going to build resilience. And Colin, it's going to, you know, maybe make Mackenzie more aware. Right. Like, so all of this is probably necessary in the growth.

Oh, yeah.

And so you can. You can also learn that about yourself. That I can either look at this as something that didn't go well and was problematic, or I can look at this as. Okay, good to know. Interesting. Like, I now know this about myself that when I'm feeling uncomfortable, go to. Is to turn food to comfort. Comfort myself. Right. My brain also says this is a problem. And if I can coach myself a little bit, ask myself a few more questions, I can actually discover something about myself from it. Does that make sense?

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

All right. So that's the point of these reflection pages, is just to really better understand, collect some data so that you can go into the next week. So the other thing that I want to make sure you guys do is rate your week. So on a scale of 1 to 5, 1. Not at all. 5. Highly awareness. Were you aware of the sabotaging feelings and the thoughts that were causing them throughout the week and day by day? On the bottom of every daily planner, it does list out the sabotaging feelings. So I highly recommend that as you plan out each and every day, reflect back on the day prior and ask yourself, was I feeling frustrated? Was I feeling overwhelmed? Was I feeling vulnerable? Was I feeling lonely? Just simply check the boxes and try to bring yourself back there and ask yourself why. And then on a scale of 1 to 5, how much control do you feel you have over the progress towards your goals? How much self. How much control are you feeling over your goals? The progress towards your goals, scale of 1 to 5. And I would also encourage you just to look back on the prior weekly reflection and see if those numbers changed at all. See if they are the same, if they're lower or if they exceeded. Anybody want to share their scores? Mine were. I was a 4 in how aware I was in my sabotaging feelings. And I was a. I was feeling like I didn't have a lot of control over the progress of my goals because I felt like the holidays had more control than I had. So I put a three.

Yeah, I have a five and a three because with that exception of that one moment in time, I felt very, very aware. And I. But I gave myself a three only because I have three goals and I only was I felt I had good control of one of them. The other two I didn't really do much about last week.

Okay, okay, that's great. Good to know. So now you can carry that into this week. So flip the page on weekly intention. The first section is just rewriting the goals. What are the goals that you have for the next, for this three month span of time? Some of us have three, some of us have four, couple of us have lot less than that. What do you want the priorities from those, Those goals that you've just written down? What's the priority? You can have no more than four. And these can be broad stroke priorities because we're, we're going to break them down into actions. And if you need help, look back at pages 18 through 21 where you actually set the goals and you actually wrote the smart goals out and listed the actions. This is where the workshops that we're going to be launching are going to be really helpful because the workshops, the 45 minute sessions that we're going to do each week on different life topics, health and wellness, relationships, physical environment, it's all going to be about actions. It's going to be about best practices. So for those people who are like, all right, I'm ready to reset this week and do something different and that really motivates them to know that they've got different ideas. That's what workshops are going to be about. So you remind yourself of what the goals are. Break those goals into no more than four priorities. If you have, let's say you have four goals, but this week you're gonna create, you're going to make two of them a priority. The other two are going to kind of go on the, on the back burner. That's okay. That's totally okay. You get to decide. You won't forget about them because next week we'll be, we'll be reminded of what the goals are. So you get to decide what the priorities are and what actions you're going to take. But for me, the family and personal is a priority. Dating with Gracie is priority and self made you as priority. See how those are very broad. And then I break down into actions. So the actions under family is we're starting our cruise reservations. We're going on a cruise in September. And so connecting with the travel agent. This week I wanted to get three pickleball or group fitness classes scheduled. Those one under family dating with Gracie. I've got five things listed under self made you. I've got six things, six actions listed. If one of my goals was to lose weight. And this week I really wanted to. One of the priorities was to swap out my pantry that then there's going to be actions. It would maybe make find a list of the foods that have no sugar, no flour or that are higher in fat. Get to the grocery store, buy them. Okay. Those would be the actions that would fall underneath that. Deciding every day what my protocol, my eating protocol, or how long I'm going to fast, fast. Those would be actions. Anybody want to share from a priority? What list of actions or are you stumped and do you need help? Okay, weekly to do so you turn the page Now. I love this page because I did this last night. I'm like, God, it's so satisfying to look at the week before weekly to dos and the even the week before that. I look at both, I look at as many weekly to dos as I have created and I move anything that didn't get done. Now these are less related to goals and these are more of just the crap that fills up your head. All the things. Right. Have to go talk to her. I need to run to Goodwill. Last week it was. I wanted to get my labs done before the end of the year because we met our deductible. Thanks to all the doctoring that Gracie's been doing, we hit our deductible. So I'm like, okay, I got to get in and get some labs drawn. That was on my weekly to do last week. So anything that didn't get done, I move over to this week unless I've decided it's not important anymore, which often happens. And then I start perusing my desk, my emails, my texts, my little notes that get put on the refrigerator. All the things, all the places that capture different to do's because I want them all in one place. I want them to be in a place where I know I can easily access. I don't have to think about it anymore. I don't have to be telling myself, don't forget, don't forget, don't forget. I don't have to remember any of this. It's going to land on this list. And then the next page is the page that I go to every single day to jot down a thought or a feeling. As I'm doing my daily planning, I jot down thoughts and feelings.

Is that the brain dump?

Yes. Yes. Yep. Okay, so like two minutes before this call, well, yesterday I had texted a friend of mine who's a travel agent and asked her, would you like to book our cruise? That we're going on, and she didn't get back to me and I. We also had invited her to go on this cruise because we're celebrating our 30th anniversary, and we're going to Europe for the very first time ever. And she has always said, I want to go with you when you guys go to Europe. I want to go and be your tour guide, blah, blah, blah. Well, we're going for not only our anniversary, but we're also going for to celebrate Griffin's girlfriend's mom's 60th birthday. And she's the one who arranged this. So she invited us to come to celebrate her birthday, and we just said, oh, let's kill two birds with one stone. We're going to celebrate our anniversary. We're gonna bring our kids. Perfect. But I want my friend to get the commission for it if she. If she so chooses. Well, she just texted me back two minutes before this call, and she said, I thought long and hard about this. I put my heart and soul into booking trips, and my heart's not into it. Go ahead and book with somebody else. Oh. And honestly, that's exactly what it said, word for word. And. And I sat there for a minute, and I just thought. I. I honestly, I feel like I did everything right. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. And this. And I forwarded it to Griffin because Griffin had said, we really need to let Maria know whether we're coming, whether we're using her travel agent. And I said, I will get to the bottom of which direction we're going today. So I forwarded it to Griffin, and he called. He's like, what the hell is that supposed to mean? And why would she say that? And blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I. I feel like I've done everything right, and that's where I'm going to stay. I believe I invited her. I offered her the commission for it. The circumstances are what they are. A lot of it was outside of my control. I feel like I've done everything right, and I'm glad that she put a little thought into it, because she didn't answer me last night. She probably put some thought into it. I'm glad that she's being honest with me, and I can move on from here. But I. But right before this call, I'm, like, really asking, how do I feel? Like, how do I feel? And what are my thoughts about that? Because I don't want to feel frustrated. I don't Want to feel angry. I don't want to feel, I don't know, I guess I don't want to feel any unwanted feelings. I want to decide right now that I'm at peace with that. And I am, I am.

Well, good, good.

Good for you.

You know, that's a, yeah, it's, that's hard.

Yeah. I mean, I would say there's obviously a lot of history between us, and this is very on par with how she does handle things with our relationship. And so it doesn't really surprise me. But I, I, I feel like I handled it the best way I could. And so I, you know, that's it. I, I, that's the thought that I'm going to go with. I feel like I handled it the best way I could and I can move forward with that. But I, I, my point is that I did a whole brain dump on that. And it took me two minutes prior to this because I didn't want to get on this call feeling jaded, whatever. And so I, I did a few brain dumps. Thoughts, feelings, got it out on paper. And it helps me be so much more objective about it. It is like a secret weapon when you can do that.

Yep, that's so true. That's so true.

And I do just, just a little tactical tip. I just put today's date and then I put the thoughts and feelings, because then tomorrow I'll come back to that same page. I'll put today that tomorrow's date, and I'll write down a couple thoughts and feelings. So it really kind of is a brain dump that captures thoughts and feelings from the entire week. Okay, so then you turn the page, and now the date. 12:30. Today, Monday, 12:30. And then this is where I am now in the zone to schedule out my entire week. So I am, first thing I do is I go Monday through Sunday, I flip through all the pages, I date them all. Monday, 12:30, Tuesday 12:31. Wednesday 1 1, Thursday, 1 2. I do that. And then I start filling out the schedule, either in pen or in pencil, depending on there's, you know, give some spaces thinking, you know, there's a lot of room in between the things that I've committed to. So I, I kind of put the 9am stuff at the top. And then I, I go down three quarters of the way and I put the 4pm stuff so I know I have opportunity to fill in the blanks if I need to. And then I turn back to the actions, my intentions. I turn back to the weekly intention page and the to do list page. And I asked myself what from the weekly intention actions can I fit into today? What makes sense me to put into today's schedule. So for example, if we're taking the weight loss and somebody had create a protocol at the start of every day, if that was one of the actions, then that takes a 6:30 or a 7:00 time slot. I make sure if that's a priority, that's. And I've got the actions listed and it says daily next to it. I'm going to schedule it. Okay, maybe going to the grocery store was one of the actions. I don't know where I'm going to get it in. That would go on to daily to under daily to do. And so I am flipping between the intentions page and the to do's for the week and I'm looking through it. What can fall onto today, what makes sense. And that is as far as I go. As far as the I don't do actions and to do's on the future days. I do that every morning because I have a question. Yeah. So if one of your daily activities is to utilize the planner, would you put that under the schedule or the daily to do's. I do it on the schedule because I live by my schedule. So I always, I know typically I don't do calls before 9 o'. Clock. So if I'm doing a daily planner, I would schedule it for 8 o' clock.

And would you do that for the whole week like you said you wouldn't?

You don't. So just go ahead and put your 8am like that's your coffee and planner time.

Yep, yep.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah. As much as like all of those standing things, I, I do book that out for the whole week because I know and I just, if things change, it's not a big deal because every morning I sit down with this and I tweak it a bit. But yeah, anything standing goes, I put it on the entire week. What I don't do for the whole week is I don't look at the weekly intentions and the to do list and put those into each day because I personally would rather decide that on the day. I have just learned about myself that I am way overzealous. I will book out like, I'll look at Wednesday and I'll be like, oh, I have a free day and I'll put like 800 things on that day and, and then I'll get to one of them and then I use that against myself. And I found it's so much better that if I take it day by day and I look at okay, what actions now I can see how the day is unfolding now. What actions from my intentions and what to do's are going to reasonably fall into this day.

I might have missed something. But on the, on each day like Monday today you have schedule and then you have the daily to do's. Yep. And so what falls Because I, you know, because I heard you say you schedule the planner that you know, I do my, my, my devotions around 5:30 and blah blah blah. But then that's also a daily to do.

Yeah. And so it's, it needs to either be captured in the schedule or do. So I just look at the daily to do as a placeholder for something that I don't know when I'm going to do it. But before my head hits the pillow, I want to, I want to try my best to get it done. Done. It get, it's going to get carried over into tomorrow. But all right, I'm going to put it in the daily to dos. I'm going to try my hardest to get.

Excuse me. Okay.

Okay, so now that you have today's schedule. So I have a 9 o', clock, a 10 o', clock, a 12 o'.

Clock.

A 1 o', clock, a 2 o', clock, 3:30 and then I have 4 through 4 to 8 where I'm going to go work at Lifetime. So I have a busy day. So I have lots of events, lots of commitments that I can choose from. But I want you to choose three. Even if it's not something that fell on your schedule, like if it's something that's on the daily to do this, like maybe it' maybe it is connect with the travel agent. You don't know when you're going to do that, but it's on the daily to dos even that you could choose something like that as one of your events. But I want you to choose three events right now that you're going to decide ahead of time how it is that you want to feel. Okay. So you're going to fill those in. 1. Event 2. Event 3. Just for today. Yep, just for today. Okay. Now that you have the three events that you've chosen, now go one by one. How is it about event one that you ideally want to feel and what would you have to be believing in order to feel that way and then do the same thing for event number two? How do you want to feel? This is a great opportunity to look at the bookmark. If you are at a loss for feelings. Grab the bookmark, peruse it and if you need help with what thought, A suggested thought, turn it over. So for mine, the podcast was one that we're recording the podcast this afternoon and I want to feel compassionate, Compassion. We get a lot, a lot of write ins and sometimes it's like you can read the write ins and it's like, oh my gosh, I mean, they're just so, so out there. And it's easy to kind of fall into that judgy almost kind of starting to like tip into making fun of people. And that is not where we want to be when we're recording this podcast. We really want to stay compassionate. And so I chose compassion. And I flip, I used the bookmark and then I flipped it over and the suggested thought is I choose to approach everyone, including myself, with kindness. And when I think that thought, when I practice that, I do feel compassion. And it's interesting. What immediately comes to mind is my travel agent friend immediately I think, you know what? I, I'm choosing to believe that she's doing what's best for her and I feel like that's being very compassionate towards her and myself. And then do the same thing with your third event. How do you want to feel? And then another little tip is the three events that I chose, I star next to them on the schedule. You can highlight them, whatever. If you're afraid that you might forget that you've got a strategy set for how you're going to navigate that event, make a little mark so you can remind yourself, oh wait, I've already done the work. I've already decided how I'm going to feel and what it is, what thought, what belief is going to create that feeling. Because I sit here all day, so I'm constantly referencing, okay, what time is it? Where do I need to be? What do I need to be doing? So for me, you know, I can clearly see at 10am I've got a little star next to it. I know that I've already made, I've already made a decision about how I'm going to think and feel. And then this is a living, breathing page. So as more to do's come up, add them, do not carry them in your mind. Do not tell yourself you have to remember this. Add it to the to do list. Get it out of your head. Stay aware of the feelings that you're experiencing. We are human. We are supposed to experience feelings. We, we grow through the awareness of what it is that we're feeling. None of them are good or bad. They're all there to help us. The feelings of lack typically create desire. Desire feels good and expands us. So it's all purposeful. And if we can stay aware of that, we won't be using feelings against ourselves and we'll be way less likely to buffer. So stay aware and just make little check marks when you're feeling any of those self sabotaging feelings. And you get bonus points if you ask yourself, why am I feeling that way? What's the thought? If you can, what that does is that puts you in the observer role. Instead of being like in the role of like the person who's living it or experiencing it, put yourself in the observer role, person who's watching this happen so you can be objective about it and ask yourself, huh, why is that feeling happening? What thought or belief is triggering that feeling? Any questions, any comments? Was this helpful?

Definitely. For me it was certainly yes.

Okay. And then again, just to give you a little insight, so I think this month we're going to focus on the health and wellness category segment of the Focus Wheel. And so we're going to be doing workshops on weight loss so that people have more actionable ideas to add to their weeks and days and that is.

There, is there anything scheduled now for this week?

Well, after this call, at some point, after this call, I'm going to meet with Kim.