15. How I rebuilt my week around my brain

Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside. I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD brain medicated mind and proud mental health hospital alumni. Still here, still showing up somehow. This is a space for the feelers, the fixers and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough. We talk about the chaos, the connection and everything in between because silent silence nearly killed me. And these conversations save lives. All right, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi contained. Let's get honestly mental.

This is where I where I am. I'm hanging out in Perth in the city for a few days. I am heading off to a successful today for a 2026 workshop Planning Marketing day which is really, really exciting because it's not a lecture or anything like that. We are actually doing work. So I'm going to be able to come away with tangible things for 2026 for spotties. And she's on a listermental. So this last week has been really fun since I recorded the last episode, which would have been Tuesday morning cause I was at Surf club. Oh, I think I've recorded two episodes and the last one was a bit heavy because it was around my admission date to the Marion center, the mental hospital a few years ago. It was really heavy. It's a really, really heavy episode and I still am like oh shit, why am I actually putting this out there to the world? And then I remembered that when I was having a conversation with someone this weekend just gone, that I had shared my story with someone who then was able to reach out to me when they were in a really bad situation, Mental situation. And I was able to walk them through the steps of like they were in crisis and I was able to walk them through the steps and hold their hand basically whilst they got the support that they needed. So that's why I shared that story last week and I will continue to share more of it obviously because that's she's honestly mental and that's the thing that we do. But I am super aware of just how raw it was and it may have been confronting for people. And I suppose this is where I'm like in the world of all of the noise, right? I'm like am I going to lose followers? Am I going to lose listens. It's funny because Laura, my podcast producer, she will always email me to proof the episodes and I think I've re listened to one of them. Sorry Laura. Or Two of them, maybe. I don't know because I just don't want to rehear it. I don't want to be thinking about it. She'll ask me too, to give it a title and I'm like, not interested. That's her department. I don't want to re. Listen to these things. They'll be helpful later, I'm sure, when I go to write my book. But for now, yeah. So when she emailed me back with the proofs and the files of them, she said that was really hard. Well, not hard to listen to. She just said she was in tears for some of it. So anyway, so sorry if I made you cry in the last episode, but also not sorry. So we had Surf Club Tuesday. Wednesday we had basketball training. It's been fucking wild with that because I'm working with year five boys and I'm working with year six boys. And as fun as that is, not fun. I. I'm in a situation where I'm not an expert in this area at all. I've played basketball for maybe three seasons, but I've always been super, super new, unsure about it. I haven't trained, so I don't. My body doesn't know the skills and my brain doesn't know the positions that you need to be in to be a successful basketball player. Successful as in actually knowing those things. Whereas when it comes to hockey, like, I know because I've played that game for so long, but always still continually learning. So basketball in general has been really tricky. And of course you're probably going well, Karina, like, why are you even doing it?

Well, duh.

Because you know me, that's what I do. There's just no one put their hand up for it in esperance. There's no one that is actually. You cannot get basketball coaches. There's more kids that want to play basketball than there is people that can actually coach. So both of my boys are playing and I thought, well, if I can coach both of them, I can train the both of them at the same time. It'll be relatively easy. Ish. And yeah, it definitely hasn't been that easy. It's been uncomfortable. But as always, when you're doing something uncomfortable, there's growth within it. So I'll take that.

If you've been around for a while, you already know my mornings don't start without my kick out. I've been drinking Invictus apothecary ceremonial cacao since 2020. It's literally been everywhere with me across Australia, up to Broome and even in my inpatient hospital stays, it's my one little moment of sacredness each morning, usually brought to me, made with love by Jared.

Bless him.

The beautiful humans behind it, Jodi and Ben, AKA the Captain and the crew also run Naturally Esperance, their gorgeous local store and dispensary. They've been part of my world for years and I'm honestly so grateful for what they've created. And now they give me a little something for you. My choose, honestly, mental fam. You can get 10% off their 250 gram and 1 kilo cacao in store and online using the code SHMFAM.

All one word.

Just head to Invictus apothecary.com or pop into Naturally Esperance if you're a local.

And Thursday swim club. It was my friend Shannon's 40th. Happy birthday, Shannon. And we had pancakes and then Friday we jumped in the car and drove to Bremer Bay for the kids to do surf club for the weekend. So literally just spent the weekend at the beach and beautiful weather which was just made it so much nicer. It just was really, really wholesome. I didn't work at all. I read a little bit, probably didn't read as much as I would like to have and spent time watching my kids, of course. True Corona style. I had a whistle, did some officiating which was really lovely and just being around people that I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoy spending my time with. So it was just amazing. And Jared and the boys stayed there last night. They're getting up this morning to head back to Esperance. I'm so stoked because Jared's been able to have a little bit of a chill time with just how busy Harvest has been. And I drove to Perth yesterday afternoon. It was five and a half hour drive. Oh, freaking hate driving so bad. But I'm having to. I'm going to find a strategy to help me get through the drives and I'm really unsure of what it's going to be yet. Oh, actually no, I do know what it's going to be. I'm going to become really aware of the sensations in my body and whilst I'm driving, practice. Oh, I don't even know what the word is. It's like just practice. It's. No, it's exactly that, it's practice. The awareness in my body of where I'm holding the tension and relax into it and just try and enjoy that time of not having to do anything and that probably lands me to where I'm at right now, which is I'm walking into this planning day today with I don't know how many entrepreneurs, these people that do this all the time, they go to these networking events and whatnot. And here I am again, like a dickhead, questioning, well, Karina, what do you even do with your life? What's your pitch? Like, how do you. How are you going to make money? How are you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I got really kind of down about it yesterday while I was driving. And even when I got to bed last night, sitting here in this hotel room on my own, I just really thought about, well, who am I? Like, what's my thing? What do I fucking do? And I've got to fucking stop doing that. I've got to stop doing that. I've got to come back to I know what I'm actually good at and I need to actually build on that. So I spend a lot of time on my computer. I find so much clarity in my life when I'm journaling or just even writing notes down. There's just so much into it. So I've just done some journaling and I'm going to share a little bit about it. And I'm actually so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to kind of share this. Okay, 2026 and what it is. For me, 2026 is the year of ease. 2026 is the year of ease in the sense that I know that my brain and this is what comes from my whole life, all of the things that I've been through. I'm a really big believer in you grow through what you go through. And so that kind of metaphor, that kind of saying has been the thing that's really got me through surviving my mental health crisis. And then as I. I got diagnosed with adhd, I've gone, well, this is not like a death sentence. This is not something that going to ruin my life. But I'm also not going to be, oh, what was me? I have ADHD and I just can't fucking blah, blah, blah. That's not me. I'm always trying to find the fix or the solution. With that, though, has come me always trying to fix things and me always trying to find the easier way to do it. And I think that's where I'm wanting to differentiate this year is yes, there's the easier way to do it. But then does it actually bring ease to my body? Because if I was to just write it down or type it into a document rather than then trying to find a way to systemize that document and make sure that it's in blah, blah, blah, and like, or automate the way that it all ends up filing into my computer. Does trying to create that system make my life easier, or am I just trying to overcomplicate things? And I know that 95% of the time, I am actually just trying to overcomplicate it. I'm not trying to overcomplicate it, but me trying to make it easier sometimes will over complicate it. Being aware of whether it's noise, you know, listening to a podcast, watching a YouTube video or something, I'm always taking away key takeaways from those different things. And often I'll find myself watching a YouTube or listening to an audiobook going, okay, well, how do I implement that in my life? Because I have to have those things in my life. Is that noise, or is that actually going to be moving the needle towards the goals of the things that my family is wanting? More than likely not. I can't even begin to imagine how much time I have wasted trying to make things easier when all it does is actually make things harder. So focusing on, is it ease in my body? Is it noise? Is it something that's actually going to move the needle? And then, of course, finding a way to really communicate this with my husband, which is so funny because I have a very open throat. Like, I can talk till the cows come home. And his brain is very just like, what the fuck are you talking about? So then I hold myself back from saying things to him, and then I forget that six days down the track, I haven't actually told him what the fuck I'm doing. And so I want to be checking in with him on the daily and actually saying, hey, these are the really cool things that I've done today, or, these are the things that I'm planning on doing today. And I've been trying to make him prioritize that. And then I feel really shit, like, oh, my God, Jared's not taking the time to, like, actually prioritize our relationship. Well, I'm expecting him to do it and realizing that that's not how his brain actually works. That's how my brain works. So, like, you initiate it. And that's, again, like, my next kind of thing that I've written down is questioning my behaviors and learning from them and noticing what are those patterns that I've got going on. Is this me actually being a really good human? Is this what I'm wanting to be in my life? Well, Definitely some of the things that I do are not great. However, I need to stop apologizing. I want to be around people who are aware of their behaviors, that want to be good humans and that can realize, like, I'm not going to apologize to someone unless I've been right Dick. I don't want to apologize to someone if they're also not willing to kind of see that potentially they were at fault too, or recognize their behaviors. I don't know really how to express that well. But anyway, that's just what I'm going with. I want to build and stick to my rhythm. So I built a bit of a rhythm because I, I go to work because being at my desk is actually comfy in the sense of it's an emotional comfort place for me. I feel like I'm being productive when I more than likely am not. And I think that's because I've realized that I'm choosing the now action of, okay, I'm going to work. I'm just sitting at my desk. It feels really comfy. And so long as I'm in front of my laptop, I must be doing something productive when I probably am not always. I'm probably being reactive instead of proactive. And one of the books that I was listening to yesterday, it was talking about people with adhd, really struggled to choose the future over the now. And that really, really resonated with me because I've got my full gym set up at home. I have everything I need at home to build strength in my body. I just don't do it. And that's me letting myself down because I'm choosing whatever's going on right now instead of choosing what I know is going to make me feel better in the future. And I know, sure, yeah, sometimes you need to prioritize, rest and blah, blah, blah. But this is what 2026 for me is going to be about, is stripping back all the noise and getting really, really comfy in the uncomfy things. Because I don't want to get to this time next year and go, look, Karina, it's still the same. You're just still doing the same. I told Laura last week that I was going to take a break with the podcast, but I'm an A because this is for me, a really good rhythm that I love of processing my thoughts and feelings and what's going on in my life. And I know that it helps others. So it's like a non negotiable. We're recording podcast episodes. It's amazing. Like this for me to be able to get to Perth, grab my mic out. It just rolls around in the back of the car. Got my little OSMO thing. I don't need three cameras. I don't need that big, massive setup. It would be cool, but I don't need it. So, yeah, focus on the podcast. Keep it going. So my rhythm, I talk. This is what I'm building. This is my foundation, and this is the core of my work that I've been doing with others. At the moment in my scaffolding sessions. My focus for Mondays is going to be Spotties marketing, Facebook ads, all the rest of it, all those fun things, because that's my area of expertise when it comes to spotties. Tuesdays is going to be finances. So whatever kind of company I'm looking after, I'm making sure that all of my finances and everything like that are up to date. Wednesdays is my home day. Home day in the sense that it's my home admin day. Whatever needs to be done on that day that relates to being home gets done on a Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon. So is for me to do my doula stuff Thursdays and Fridays is. She's honestly mental, which is all the fun stuff, all the creative stuff. It's planning out the content, it's building the systems. Well, not building the systems, but it's. It's working on that. Because I find what I've been doing is reacting to whatever is a bit of a priority. And it's like I've got this little trail of breadcrumbs. Like, I have all of these fucking breadcrumbs absolutely everywhere, and nothing is a complete picture. And I don't want that anymore. Like, that's. I fucking. I really hate it. I feel like the way for me to be able to make sense of my life is to have this foundation in place. So this is my foundation. Spotty's Monday finances, Tuesday, home, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday is. She's honestly mental. That's it. Mornings are for admin, afternoons are for creative. That there is my scaffolding. So my foundation is what I've got on each day. And my scaffolding that holds everything together is that mornings are admin, afternoons are creative. Making sure that my podcast equipment is ready to go all the time. So I just need to find a bag that I can carry around that just has my podcast stuff in it. I've been trying to research and look at different people who podcast and their different setups. And, you know, they've got the whole three cameras and a Transcript kind of thing. And it is really cool. For sure. Absolutely, for sure. And I think it is going to be important. But I just have to keep coming back to at my core all the things like the bright shiny things are not actually my brand. That's not me. It's not real. I'm sorry. But kind of cool in the sense that I just keep fucking shit real when I fuck shit up and I keep it real and I talk about it. So what I have got is that I am super, super passionate about governance, strategic plans. So like what your goals are where you're wanting to go. Culture. Because if your culture in your situation sucks, what's the fucking point? And I want to be really, really, really like I want to be an expert on psychological and trauma based awareness. I don't want to be a psychologist or anything. I just want to know as much as I possibly can about how we can build really good culture in different areas. So corporations, businesses, life, parenting by educating and making people aware of people's psychological and like just, you know, people behave in certain ways because of different traumas and things that they've been through. And it's being aware of people's behaviors could be because of something that's going on behind closed doors that you've got no fucking idea about. But then finding ways to be able to support them if they're wanting support. But I've been in a fair few fucking situations at the moment where been involved in some kind of corporate business volunteer setting where the culture has been absolutely toxic and it's because the leadership, the governance isn't being done very well. It's been done bullshit. So I truly, truly want to work with different organizations around that. My brain's just gone. Yeah. But Courtney also really like doing marketing. I'm like, yeah, it's because I like building the bright shiny things. Oh, my pen just broke. You joking? I'm just literally writing down building bright shiny things. Eagles, Joy. I am going to finish my dual certificate. So that's my Wednesday afternoon and I have pulled back on building out some of my operational strategies systems and that kind of stuff for Spotty's Mechanical. And she's honestly mental at the moment because I want to hire the person or hire for the thing that is going to move the needle the fastest and I want to hire someone to help me organize my home. I want to prioritize getting some more storage so that we can actually like we have no cupboards in our house. It's ridiculous. But you know, I want to build some more storage so that we've got places to put stuff. I mean, there's five of us living in a tiny little home. Well, not tiny like back in the day. My house is like a big house, but in this day and age, my house is a tiny house because I don't have a theater room and I don't have an office and then I don't have a rumpus. Like I don't have all of the things. But Jared and I are actually so comfortable there and so we need to find a way to make that space really functional for our family. So we've got a few little projects that we need to do, but I'm going to hire someone who's really fucking good at organizing and keeping that shit on track for me, because I am not. This is my plan. I've written it in my journal. I'm very excited. Today's gonna be great. I know where I'm going and I'm really excited to be in a room full of other amazing like minded people. So here's to actually getting a podcast episode to Laura on time.

And.

I'm gonna jump up, go shower, get dressed, go grab some breakfast and duck across the road to Canvas Warehouse, get some nail polished, paint my nails because manky. And then at 8 o' clock go to Officeworks and then walk to the hotel where the Training is today. 50 minute. A 50. Fuck that shit. 15 minute walk. He didn't say that though. It is going to be really fucking hot today. So Perth is gross. When it's hot, who knows? Anyway, Kenneth's warehouse opens at 7, breakfast is from 6:30. Office works open at 8 because I need to go and get all the highlighters. I realized I left all of my stationary stuff at home, which is not good. So. Oh my gosh, poor Corina, she has to go buy more stationery this morning. Anyway, thanks for tuning in.

Thanks for hanging out with me on she's honestly mental. If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram. He's honestly mental. Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone. And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button.

So.

So the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs. Until next time, take care of your brain. You're not broken, you're just honestly mental. And all the best people are.