When Everything Is Heavy, Look For The Glimmers.

Good morning and welcome to episode 26 of She's Honestly Mental. I am exhausted. I'm absolutely exhausted. And this last week has been a lot. I have— I don't know, we're still, you know, regional WA, still right in the middle of seating. I haven't really heard if anyone has finished yet, um, but it's big. And then when you and your husband own a machinery dealership and repair business, like mechanical business, like it's a lot. Uh, he had— Jared had Sunday at home this week, which was really, really lovely, but whilst he was home, I spent the whole day in the office working. And I feel like I haven't left my desk in the last 3 days, which has been very overstimulating, to say the least. It's been triggering. It's been exhausting. It's like, yeah, girl is tired. And As women, you know, we also have to try and go with this cycle of our periods, which, lucky for me— what am I— I'm bringing up my app. I'm literally a couple of days out from my bleed, due tomorrow. TMI, sorry blokes, I know some of you listen. But with that has been coming this intense low mood, and I hate it. Like, I actually hate it. I hate when I feel like this, and I'm like, I— it doesn't matter what medication I take, it doesn't matter what exercise I do. Ah, it's heavy. And I just wonder if Maybe next month, in the lead-up to knowing when I'm due, that I might take a couple of days off instead of working harder. Who's that? Don't watch YouTube. Austin, do not. So yeah, I'm thinking next month I'm actually going to take a few days off before I'm due. Oh, beautiful. That's a few days before I go to Bali. I don't know how well that'll work, but anyway. Take a few days off in the lead-up, just do light duties, give myself like a sick certificate and see how I go with that. But it's rough, like it is really rough. And I feel bad for my husband because I've had to like really lean on him, and at the moment he's so busy. And then next week I'm shooting back to Perth. I've got my first lot of recording with guests for The Potty. Which I'm really nervous about, but I'm also really excited about. And I've booked this really cute Airbnb in Scarborough. It's beautiful, it's bright, it's light, it's coastal vibes. And that's actually where we're going to record. So I'm stoked because when I was looking at studios in Perth, they all look the same. Every studio looks the freaking same, and I just think, I don't want that. My podcast is not the same kind of podcast as what everyone else has. It's, it's different. She's honestly mental, bro. So I'm really excited to have my first lot of guests on. I'm actually obviously a bit nervous about having my first interviews, but again, leading into it with curiosity, just going in for a chat and seeing kind of what comes out on the other side. So yeah, I'm not going to share who my guests are yet, but I think it's going to be really epic conversations. Oh, I'm actually— I was supposed to be going to Perth next week with my beautiful bestie Stevie, and we were going with another friend Jane to go and watch Five. We've purchased VIP tickets and With Stevie's illness, we really thought that she'd be kind of well enough to jump in the car and travel that 16 hours, like, round trip. We were going to do it slow, like, head up on Tuesday— the concert's not till Wednesday night— and then come home on Friday, just to kind of give her body enough time to recalibrate. But unfortunately, it's not looking like it's not going to be possible for her. So I'm now going solo. I've changed it to a bit of a work trip, obviously, to be able to do these podcast epies. And, um, that's a new word, epies. Um, and yeah, I've had to find some friends to come to the concert with me. So something that I've been really struggling with lately, I think, is finding my place and finding my people. And I don't know, I feel really awkward talking about this, but it's like, there are still situations— as someone who has spent a lot of time going through mental health and recovery and medication and I've found that I still find myself in situations going, do these people really want me here? Like, am I actually worthy of being here? Am I stupid? And it kind of blows my mind that I still think that. And I just, I don't know, I don't know. I try not to go too deep into those thoughts because I'm like, oh, it's just a thought, those thoughts are not always true, like let it go. But I think I've definitely noticed over the last few weeks and months as I've come off of some medication that I have noticed some level of difference in my thoughts being on full meds versus not being on full meds. But then I think I also really need to be aware of— I'm a few days out from my cycle, particularly in that week leading up to it— that there could be thoughts that pop up that have no validity to them. They're literally just thoughts. So there's that kind of stuff that I've been pondering, and it, it makes you— I think if you were someone who wasn't really aware of Thoughts aren't always true. Like, I have studied Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and I still think it's one of the best things that I ever did, was really understanding the language and the words that we use is what can really narrate your life. And if you're not aware of the language that you're using, or you're aware of the language that you're using but you don't know that there's actually an other option where you can choose to rewrite, rewrite and rewire these neural pathways, then I can definitely see how if I hadn't have gone and studied NLP, if I hadn't have learned about things like Timeline Therapy, um, how much I probably would be really struggling. Shit, yeah, she's a goer. Look out. My husband's just sent me a little Snapchat. He's left here at like 5:30 this morning. And I think his alarm went off at quarter to 5, quarter past 4 or something ridiculous. Uh, he's headed out to go and fix an aircon in a tractor. And like, this is seeding things, right? Like, people are just like, we need this done, we need it done now. And you can understand because farmers have a certain window where they've got to get these crops in. And so it's a lot of pressure. And then when I stop and think about the fact of how much pressure he's under, how much pressure I'm under at the moment, with not even just mentally but physically because of the cycle of where my, like, where my, where I am in my cycle. Like, it's a lot, Corrina. It's a lot. And maybe you should just chill the fuck out. Like, I don't know if I've ever thought about that before. I have thought about it, and obviously I feel like I'm being really sarcastic, but yeah, your girl is tired. And it's funny because it's Wednesday and I've been trying to record these like on a Friday or on a Monday, and today's Wednesday. And honestly, I seriously thought about sharing on my Instagram, just being like, there's no podcast episode this week because I'm fucked. But then I've stopped and thought about it because from a business perspective, like for what I'm trying to do with She's Honestly Mental and how I'm trying to grow the podcast and how I'm trying to grow my social media following. It's like if I don't record the podcast, it's like me not turning up to work this week, which I know is okay, but also in the same sense, it's like it will kind of ruin the momentum of what I'm trying to achieve. So Maybe today's epi might just be a little bit shorter. I don't know. I need to adjust one of these cameras. It's pissing me off. That's better. So on the weekend— oh, that's better. On the weekend, my husband, uh, did us all a favor and he's actually dropped the print that sits behind What a man, honestly, what a man. And if you are watching the video, you can see I've got some beautiful lights, um, that are happening, but also there is children's toys behind the couch because your girl ain't got time to rearrange the house every time she wants to record a podcast. It's just got to be easy, so I do love that the podcast setup takes me about 10 minutes these days, um, but that's also because I'm not rearranging the entire house and I'm literally still sitting in the middle of the kids' mess of whatever they're doing. So today I've brought two books along with me. One I picked up from the coolest bookshop in the world called Dear Village. You should check it out. Um, That's the bookshop that my best friend owns and I run with her, and it's called Glimmers: Tiny Moments to Transform Your Life, Nadia Narain and Katya Narain Phillips. It's beautiful, and I picked it up. I hate self-help books. I just think they're so annoying. But I really loved this because it brings into— on the first, on the contents, it's like talking about your heart, your body, your mind, and then the space. So talking about relationships, connection, vulnerability, and safety within your heart. Then your body is like attention, movement, nourishment, and rest. Because I think this is like one of the biggest things that people miss is that you've got to look at it as a whole, everything that goes on in your life. It's not just one particular area. People think that mental health is really just about what goes on inside your head, but they don't realize that what goes on inside of your head is usually a reflection of the environment around you. And that's what I, I really have loved about this book, is because it has got in there the space, the environment, nature, and home but then also your mind, awareness, context, and choice. And I think that's another thing that people really forget about, is that people can make judgments on situations and certain things that have happened. However, they don't really understand or fully know what the context is behind that situation or surrounding that situation. And I think it's a really, really valid point to be aware of is context. And I think that's what I always want to know more about before I make a judgment on a situation, because when people are sharing their perspective of a situation, it's literally— everyone has a different perspective. No one sees anything exactly the same as you, and it's it's important to try and get as much information about it from multiple sources before you can make your own judgment call on it. So yeah, I love the dedication. It's, we dedicate this book to our partners whose kindness created a safety that our nervous systems never knew. And I'd like to thank my husband for exactly that. When we started dating in like year 9, my parents were going through a messy separation, and he was definitely that safe place that I needed whilst that was happening, except I kept dumping him. Anyway, it starts with There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, and the other is though everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein. Mm. Do you remember a time you had a crappy day and got a hug from someone you love? Or perhaps when you saw the first tree in spring bursting in blossom? A moment when you shared a smile with a stranger without exchanging a word, when a baby fell asleep on you with its full trusting weight. Or when a sunset peeking through the city horizon stopped you in your tracks. Do you remember how that moment made you feel? If any of those moments feel familiar to you or remind you of a similar experience, you have experienced a glimmer. A glimmer is a tiny moment of joy and connection when signals to your body that you feel safe. Your muscles soften, your jaw unclenches, your breathing deepens and slows. You feel present and connected. A glimmer can be unexpected, a beautiful cloud formation seen on the way home from a long day, the happy surprise of your favorite song playing on the radio, someone lovingly taking your hand. Or a glimmer can be anticipated and planned for, the first cup of tea in the morning, in the morning, my cacao, spending time in nature, doing a good deed for someone. A glimmer often feels like a magic, a little moment of magic, but it is actually a response that is rooted in your body's nervous system. If you haven't heard of a glimmer before, then expect you've heard of its opposite, a trigger. People are loving that word trigger these days. A trigger is a signal from your body that your nervous system doesn't feel safe. Your heart races, your breath becomes shallow, and your muscles tense, and your body's getting ready for danger, to fight or run away, or to freeze up and get really still so that no one even knows you're there. Or even a fawn, when you try to appease a threat by being as accommodating and self-effacing as possible. Everyone knows about triggers. Isn't it funny that we're all more familiar with the alert of the part of the nervous system than the part that soothes us? That soothes us. Now, I've been talking about Glimmers for, I don't know, I feel like most of my mental health journey, so most of the last 6 years, and For me, those tiny moments that I love that do definitely make me stop is a sunset. I love a good sunset. A rainbow, which is why the rainbow was part of my brand, because a couple of days after my family, you know, like everything came out, how unwell I was doing, how unwell the, like, how not great the business was I actually stopped on, on my camera roll is this photo of this beautiful rainbow across the road. And it's just a reminder for me that there is light after darkness. There is a rainbow after the storm. You know, if we don't have rain, we don't have flowers. All of those beautiful kind of metaphors that explain that when we go through this messiness of life, there is beauty on the other side. And that's why with the brand, with She's Honestly Mental, we've got the rainbow and we've got those beautiful colors because it's a signal that there is hope. And I really hope that for anyone listening at home or watching that if you're deep in it, if you're deep in the mess, in the noise and the loudness and the triggers and the mess of it all, that you can start to notice the glimmers, the little moments. The other night I wasn't sleeping very well. I've had this, like, I've felt like it's an ear infection, but I went to the doctor yesterday and he's like, it's just full of wax, it's pressure. I was like, great. Anyway, um, I haven't been sleeping overly well. I'd been over-triggered earlier on in the week because of work stuff, and I think it was about 3 o'clock in the morning and I just wasn't sleeping. And Jared had his arm over me and I was almost asleep, and then he rolled over and was no longer touching me, and I was like, God, now I'm awake. And That probably only lasted for 5 or 10 minutes, and he rolled back over and cuddled me again, and I went back to sleep. But, you know, I sleep every night with this blanket, um, that my nana, my stepnana, made for me. And this blanket has been on a journey with me. I had it when I was first admitted into hospital, and I have taken it everywhere with me. I don't take it overseas because it is too heavy, but whenever I go away, my blanket's with me because that's my— it's my comfort blanket. It's, it's my glimmer. It's my thing that makes me feel comfy. And yep, I'm 37 years old this year and I travel with a blankie. And who freaking cares? Like, why can't we normalize more of that where we do travel with those things that keep us comfy, or we do hold on to. Like, I love, love seeing kids these days with fidgets, with noise-canceling headphones on, because I'm like, they're self-regulating, they're learning to self-soothe. I miss breastfeeding so badly because I know that that was a way of like my son regulating and soothing, but also it was a way of me stopping for a moment. So Mm. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes when I record, I'm like, oh, Corrina, this is literally just a ramble. You're yapping. It's got no sustenance to it, but really, who cares? I'm showing up and starting the conversation. And it doesn't matter if I'm tired. It doesn't matter. If I'm exhausted, it's— hmm, the talking is my form of therapy. It's my way of trying to connect with others and talk to others. So I'm excited for next week, heading back to Perth, doing the guest episodes, and just kind of being in the moment with some people, which is going to be really fun. So, hmm, thank you so much for listening. I will talk to you next time.