A woman reads a personal letter describing her struggle with severe depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. She expresses feeling like a failed wife, mother, daughter, and friend, and apologizes to her family while taking full blame for her mental health crisis.
These things that I've written in the letter are things that I truly believed at that time about myself, and they're the things that truly make me be fucking grateful for being alive and being here in this moment. A letter. I am not worthy of being here anymore. I've done a really good job at being a wife, a mum, a daughter, a friend, and I don't want to bring pain to anyone's lives anymore. You all deserve so much better than me. Every day is a fight with my mind because all I want is I want to do what is the best for everyone and to do the right thing, but I get so afraid that whatever I do isn't going to be the right thing. All I ever wanted to do was help, to fix things, and all I ever did was ruin things. I've tried for so long to make my mind right, to get rid of this anxiety, to try and help myself, but I can't. I know I can't make it go away, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this horrible battle. I won't win. It won't let me. I am just not meant to be here. This life has always been hard for me. I've constantly battled my mind, and I just can't do it anymore. I'm a terrible mum. These kids deserve so much more than I can give them. My husband deserves someone who can love him back more than I can. Please know that there is nothing that anyone could have done or said that could have changed this. The only person to be blamed for this whole mess is me. I am so, so sorry.
I'm still shit scared inside even after I wrote a book on confidence - Heidi Anderson
