17. Medication is not a failure

Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside. I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD brain, medicated mind and proud mental health hospital alumni.

Still here, still showing up somehow.

This is the space for the feelers, the fixers, and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough. We talk about the chaos, the connection and everything in between because silent silence nearly killed me. And these conversations save lives. Alright, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi contained. Let's get honestly mental.

Howdy, partners. Welcome to episode 17. How are we at episode 17? I don't know. I don't know about you, but I feel like this is the most committed I've been to anything other than my relationship to my husband. Oh gosh, Karine is so funny sometimes. And I will tell you, it's because of the scaffolding that I hold around this podcast and how much I've invested in it, because I know the power of having these raw conversations. So please hold one moment while I just bring up my notes because I have lost the skill and ability. Well, I think this is a thing. Like there is just so much around it where I'm going that I've got to actually prepare, which is not something that my brain is used to. Anyway, a little bit of a life update. I was supposed to have a really cool in person podcast episode with the lovely Brooke McIntosh who just ran around Australia. I was in Perth for some training stuff and was supposed to have the episode with her. And in true ADHD fucking brain, I canceled on her like the morning of. Why? I don't know. But anyway, it just felt too big and too much anyway and I needed to come home. Being Harvest and all the rest of it. Here's me just making some fucking excuses. Anyway, life update, we are currently finished Harvest. All of our customers have finished, which is amazing. So I have kind of got my husband back. Excuse all the car noises because I'm sitting in the front room of my house with the door open because it's boiling degrees and Jared left for work really early. Obviously all these people driving their car pass are leaving early. Also, I've had to kick the kids out of their lounge room. They're not impressed. So they're in my lounge room watching probably some bullshit YouTube that just is actual whatever they call it these days, brain rot. And we have one more week of work to go and then we are Christmas. I'm excited. We're actually hosting Christmas at our house this year, which is the first time in a very long time that we've heard hosted Christmas here. I think the last time we did it, graydon, who's nearly 13, would have been maybe two or three. And yeah, it's gonna be really cool. Jarrod loves cooking some meat, so there'll be definitely some smoked meats Also, if you love a ham or you're not, I mean, I like ham, I like ham on the bone, but he does this pulled ham in the smoker. I will never eat ham any other way, I tell you. So I think on the menu for Christmas there's turkey. Yuck. Ham, delish lamb, nice seafood. No thank you. And plenty of dessert. So I am a slut for a pavlova and a cheesecake. So that's what I'll be making for dessert and I'm very, very, very excited. Also, rookie me, not rookie me. I have struggled with my weight and eating and it's definitely an ADHD dopamine hit for food, but I find that put some good, yummy, delicious, sugary goodness around me and I am smashing it. So also the other thing that I make which is absolutely delicious, which no one else really appreciates, is a gluten free trifle. You know, yum, yum, yum. So I'm on the desserts, but this last week I rejoined Train with Ash, which is a really cool program. She does this fat loss forever five day kind of thing. Anyway, I've been following Ash for ages because she heavily focuses on making sure you're reaching your protein targets and then either doing a reverse diet where you slowly build up your calorie intake each week. So. Or you do like you go into a fat loss phase where you go into a calorie deficit and then try and get down to as lower calories as you possibly can. So I've done Program with Ash before where I've been eating 2,850 calories a day. And then when I go to do a cut, I'm then going from 2,800 to 2,300 and then I cut the lowest that I've been down to before, which I think is about 1400 calories a day. So it works. But of course I would be like, okay, let's do my two weeks of tracking now in two weeks before Christmas, if anyone's going to do that, it's me. And I had a bit of a like, what the fuck are you doing Moment on Saturday when we went out to one of Our Christmas parties. And I thought, you know what? I know if I said this to Ash, and this is what happens when you surround yourself with people who actually see you and see the reality of weight and health and fitness. If I go out and I do smash some really delicious food and I go out of my calories, that does not mean that I've failed, not for a second. It just means not even start again tomorrow, like, because there's no stop start. It's okay. Our plan for next week's a bit different, and we're going to hold at whatever we were doing the week before. Like, there's flexibility in this. And I think that's what's so amazing, is you can go and do these. And I suppose this relates a lot to mental health, is that you go to Medicare, you do your 10 sessions and you're fixed, or you go and get medication, and that's supposed to fix everything, but you're not actually diving into what the root cause is of everything underneath it. And so I'm doing what I can over the next couple of weeks, I'm tracking my weight every day because I know that if I weigh every day, and some people are probably going, why? Why are you tracking your weight every day? Because I know that my weight fluctuates. So if I track my weight every day, I then average my weight for the week and then look at the next week. And so I only go off of what my average weight for the week is. Also recognizing as a woman, my weight will fluctuate around my cycle. So I know I feel much more confident with looking after my body if I'm doing this and I'm not doing it in a really unhealthy way. So for me, it's prioritizing protein. And for those that know that when you are taking stimulants and medication, that protein is probably one of the most important things for your body. A, you feel fuller for longer, and B, it helps your medication metabolize in your body much better, rather than putting something into your body and then it's going, where's my nutrients? And it just. It just doesn't work as well. So. Yeah. And the other thing that I really love with Ash's program is the three workouts that you have to do every week. And she focuses on getting these three green ticks. So one is hitting your protein target every day for the week. The other is hitting your calorie target every day for the week and then also doing your three exercises for the week. So my thing is is that I want to be able to get to a place this time next year. So what are we? 15-1220-2051-5122-0206. I wanna feel stronger in my body. I wanna feel fitter in my body. And of course, yeah, I'd love to shed some kilos, but I just wanna feel comfortable within me. So that's where I'm at. But I know that when I'm doing those things, it also really helps me mentally. So that's the plan. If you've been around for a while, you already know my mornings don't start without my cacao. I've been drinking Invictus apothecary ceremonial cacao since 2020. It's literally been everywhere with me, across Australia, up to Broome, and even in my inpatient hospital stays. It's my one little moment of sacredness each morning, usually brought to me, made with love by Jared, bless him. The beautiful humans behind it, Jody and Ben, AKA the Captain and the crew also run Naturally Esperance, their gorgeous local store and dispensary. They've been part of my world for years and I'm honestly so grateful for what they've created. And now they give me a little something for you. My choose honestly, mental fam.

You can get 10% off their 250.

Gram and 1 kilo cacao in store and online using the code SHMFAM. All one word. Just head to invictusapocothary.com or pop into Naturally Esperance. If you're a local, let's jump into episode 17. Oh, my gosh, hang on. Also, if you're not using AI, where the hell are you? What are you even doing here? I use chatgpt and Perplexity just to take some of my notes and to help me structure my episodes a little bit better. Otherwise, it's literally just me waffling this whole entire time. So today's episode is about medication, being scaffolding and that it's not a failure because I know there's still a lot of people. I've had people stop me in the street going, hey, Karina, really love your episodes. I love your podcast. I really love everything you do on social media. But, like, I'm really scared to even just like, like the post because I don't want people to think that I'm struggling and I am. Like, what? This is the world we still live in. It's 2025, nearly 2026, and people are still scared to talk about their mental health. It's wild. And I know that it's generational and I know there's a lot of history and stuff behind it, but. Oh, pisses me off. Pisses me off. So I will definitely say medication didn't fix my life, but medication was definitely a very pivotal, foundational thing for me to help me get to where I am now. And I'm excited because I have got to a point where I've become more aware of my body and my emotions, that I don't let them control me. But I feel like I can kind of have conversations with them where I can go, okay, I suppose this is. The whole thing is like, I look at my body, my brain, everything as a whole, and I don't just go, oh, my mental health is so fucking shit, and I'm so anxious and blah, blah, blah, blah. I then look at going, well, when was the last time I exercised? How much water have I been drinking? How many espresso martinis have I had? Have I been taking my medication? Have I been just taking five minutes for myself? Have I had a shower? Like, could I put some music on? What if I just tidy up this space? You know? Like, I don't just look at as one facet of my life. I look at the whole entire thing. What's going on with our family at the moment. It's harvest, it's seeding, it's a quiet period. The kids are on school holidays, there's no school today. You know, like, there's just all of the things. We look at it as an entire whole, but without having medication as a way to be able to create scaffolding for me, to be able to hold me whilst I've processed through these last six years of my life. Like, I wouldn't be here. I genuinely wouldn't be here. And I remember having a conversation with someone. I overheard a conversation and they said, oh, pharmaceuticals. They're just making everyone so reliant. Like, they're blah, blah, blah, blah. They're the ones that are making all the money off of all of this, which is I do not disagree with, but I'm not taking these medications just for the fucking sake of it. I'm taking them because they do a job. And the job that they do is to support me, have quality of life. And I will fucking die on that hill. I will die on that hill. Like, do not ever. And something that I think I found too is say you've been given some medication and you're still not feeling a hundred percent, go back to your doctor and ask them or get a second opinion. I know there was one stage where I'd come home from Perth and I was doing okay, and I was on like 100 milligrams of sertraline or something. And I said to my doctor, I don't actually think it's working. And she goes, yeah, no, I would agree with you. And so I was expecting her to say, right, stop it. Instead she goes, let's double it. And so we doubled it. Best decision ever. Because I just wasn't on the right amount. So there is definitely no one size fits all. And something that really pisses me off at the moment is the fact that GPS are being allowed to prescribe ADHD medication. What the fuck? My psychiatrist. So a lot of the time psychiatrists can actually sign off on your GP being able to co prescribe your medication. So at the moment, for me, if I want to go and get more dexamphetamine, I have to go to my psychiatrist. Some of my friends, they can just go straight to their GP because their psychiatrist has signed off to say that the GP can prescribe it. And I asked my psychiatrist about it, I said, oh, look, you know, because it's fucking nearly $300 every time I have an appointment with them, which $300 versus me not being here anymore, like, duh. And so they've said to me, look, Karina, we're not keen on doing that because I'd rather check in with you every six months and make sure that this is actually working than kind of just sign off to be able to let your GP do as they wish. And I valued that honesty so much because it's not often anyone actually says that. And now the government's saying that GPs can prescribe and it's just not within their scope. Like, it is not within their scope. It's like going to a general mechanic to get a service on your car. And I mean, everyone knows what it's like going to some mechanics. One of our friends got quoted $20,000 to get her reverse camera fixed in her car. $20,000. There's probably some wiring issue somewhere. Like, I'm not a mechanic, but I'm a wife of a mechanic and I'm pretty certain that to fix the reverse camera on a Toyota Land Cruiser, to quote someone, 20, 000. Are you kidding me? So, yeah, anyway, I digress. So when I think I have found that medication has been so valuable to me because there's this like, good person era where you're like doing all the therapy, you're doing all the mindfulness. You're doing all the nervous system work, you've got all the insights, you're diligent, and you're doing all of the things really routinely. You're taking your vitamins, you're journaling every day, you're meditating every day, you're going to yoga, like, live, laugh, blah, blah, blah. But underneath it, there's still this, like, desperation of this is not fucking working, you know? And you are literally white knuckling life. Like, you're going. You're holding on for dear life going, what is going on? Like, why is this not working? And it's like you go from this point of staying alive is no longer this, like, inspirational thing. It's a matter of urgency. Because what I was doing was not working. And that's where getting the support that I needed and using the medication and the therapies was so powerful. Like, I would not be here today if it wasn't for that. You know, we have these internalized beliefs around strength and motherhood and worth and all of this, but if your brain is not where it needs to be and your mind and your nervous system is heightened, all of these things aren't even going to matter. It just doesn't work. And so what medication changed for me was all of the noise going on in my head. It lowered the volume, it slowed the spirals, and it increased my capacity to be able to do things like go to the gym three times, focus on my protein, go out and spend time with friends, lay down and have a nap. Medication didn't help trauma, relationships, money, or hard days, but it made it easier for me to then get the support that I needed to support me in those areas. Because one of the biggest things that I find is, like, in your mind, you're like, okay, if I X, Y, Z, if I meditate every day or I go for a walk every day, I'm going to feel so much better. But if you're not actually dealing with the unprocessed trauma that is in your body, then your nervous system is so dysregulated. And so it doesn't really matter. Like, if your brain and your body are not in sync, it just doesn't matter what you're doing. It's not going to work. And that's what I find so freaking annoying, is that there is still this shame around medication and getting therapy and getting help. And it's just wild, like someone not liking a social media post. What the fuck? Medication didn't make things good for me. Medication made things Possible. And it still does. I know, like, last week I didn't take all of my ADHD meds that I could have. Like, I'm prescribed to be able to take four a day. On an average day, I may take two. And I like it because it's quick and it's short acting. But I also know that if I'm in a spiral, that that is a sign, that is a cue that I need a reset, and that's when I need to be taking my medication. I take every day my sertraline and lamotrigine, and I've halved one of them. But the dexamphetamine, I don't take it every day just because I'm finding I'm building the resilience that I've always needed. I was listening to something the other day, and they're like, ADHD is actually curable. I don't disagree. I'd say it's not curable. I'd say for me, I would say that it's definitely more tolerable. Like, you find coping strategies to be able to handle it. I'd love to say, like, we don't judge people, but I feel like we're probably more curious when it comes to things. Like if someone's in a wheelchair and they need ramps, we just go, oh, you need help to get into this place? Here's a ramp for you. If someone can't see properly, hey, here's a pair of glasses. You know, what can we do to help you? But when it comes to mental health, they're like, oh, not right. They're not right. So for me, my brain needed the rails while I rebuilt my life. And I just keep coming back to him. Like, six years. Six years of being suicidal to now. I pinch myself on a daily basis a lot of the time at the moment because I dreamt of having this kind of life. And my life is so simple. But the fact that I've had this and this capacity to do the things that I want to do. I had another podcast called the Real Womanhood Life, and I think I recorded 10 episodes over the space of two years. But it was because I didn't have the structure, the scaffolding, or the foundation to be able to support me through that. For me, recovery of living with mental health and mental illness has been about having support and not toughness. Not like, get up, get the fuck up, have a. Have a can of cement and harden up, or go to Bunnings and buy some nails and build a bridge to get over it. Like, that doesn't work. That is so shame based. And that's why people end up in positions like I did was because the world is so quick to throw judgment at mental health. Whereas, like I said earlier, someone in a wheelchair, someone not having a leg, we just bend over backwards to help those people. Yesterday at surf club, we went and I had had a migraine from the day before. And normally I jump in the water and I go swimming. I do water safety. And I text the coordinator yesterday morning, I said, look, I'm really sorry, I'm not going to be able to do water safety today. I've had a migraine and I'm not really feeling well. They're like, yep, no worries. And so we went to surf club. I jumped in the ocean for a swim and it was heavenly. The coldness on my head was everything that my brain needed at the time. Then I grabbed some beanbags and I grabbed my book and I smothered myself in sunscreen and put some little wraps over me so I didn't get burnt. And I just laid on the grass reading. And I had a couple of people come up to me going, hey, Green, are you okay? I was like, no, I actually have had a migraine. They go, yeah, you never sit down. And so I'm like, okay, all right, I hear you. 2026. More sitting down more reading my books. As much as I love being in the water and helping the kids, I think I like sitting down a bit more. It's crazy. So crazy that just the polarity of where my life was and where it is. So I'm gonna leave episodes today there while I just bask in this moment of gratitude. Thanks for list. You guys are legends.

Thanks for hanging out with me on She's Honestly Mental. If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram. She's Honestly Mental. Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone. And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs. Until next time, take care of your brain.

You're not broken.

You're just honestly mental. And all the best people are.