6. When ADHD Meets Financial Freakouts

Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside. I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD brain medicated, mind and proud mental health hospital alumni. Still here, still showing up somehow. This is the space for the feelers, the fixers and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough. We talk about the chaos, the connection and everything in between. Because silence, violence nearly killed me and these conversations save lives. Alright, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi contained, let's get honestly mental.

Welcome to today's episode of She's Honestly Mental.

This one's a bit of a messy catch up, but if you've ever had to keep functioning while everything's falling apart, this will hit home. I'm sharing what the last few months have been like. From parenting chaos to brand shoots, burnout and money meltdowns, and how I'm still standing.

I am currently sitting in Perth in a hotel room up here again. Feels like it's just been absolutely insane the last, gosh, I feel like since June, so only like four months. The last four months I probably have been to Perth on average twice a month. And one of those months I was three weeks on the road to Broome. So math that it's just been absolutely wild and I think that's the part of being a mom, owning a business, having extra commitments, it's just full on. So today's episode, it's going to be a really kind of raw download of what's going into my brain and I want to be really mindful of how the language that I'm using when I'm talking to myself and not guilting myself. So I suppose it's a little bit of, you know, what I'm hoping to teach through the podcast is being aware of the language that we're using when we're talking to ourselves, but also educating people around what it's like for someone who is living with some mental health struggles and ways that those that are living with the mental health struggles can build some more tools to be able to get through life. Right. And I've been doing some work. There's gonna be lots of like going from one thing to the other. But that's just the point of the podcast, right? I've been doing a lot of work on me, I suppose, and people like, how long have you been in this business? I'm like, well about six years because my first admission was in 2019. We're now 2025. So, yeah, I feel like I've been in business with this for about six years. How long have I actually been sharing? She's honestly mental properly. Actually, it's been since we did the photo shoot with Belle and Cass and Casey and Em. And that was wild. Did I tell you I've done a massive fun photo shoot at Karen Up. It was amazing. So Belle's the photographer. She's a fucking hoot. We did that in June and what a ride that was. I'm supposed to have this photo shoot with Belle for the last two years and it was when I was going to be, like, focusing on my doula business or actually life coaching, and it was just going to be a real, like, kind of aesthetic, sit there with my laptop kind of vibe. But then obviously two years happened and things have changed and I really thought, fuck, she's honestly mental. It's got to come to life. And so I worked with Cass from MSN on the brand. A really committed to getting shit to look professional because I wanted it to be a professional. I didn't want it to be just like a hobby thing anymore, like I really wanted. She's honestly mental to be something in the world. And I suppose that's like kind of like the weight that I've been carrying a lot and what's kind of got me to this day specifically. But yeah, anyway, I digress. Worked on the brand with Cass. She's fucking epic. She just really pulled things out of my head that I know innately but I haven't been able to put on paper. So when you see all the fancy branding and pretty colors and a few keywords and stuff like that, that's like. It's come from my bones, like my genes. But it's like Cass has been the one that's been talented to be able to pull that information out of me, which is just like, fuck, man. And then so we went and did this photo shoot with Belle and the girls and we're at Karen Up. We went to Archie Brothers, which is like a time zone kind of thing, but really epic. And I just was a big kid and it was fun and it was loud and we literally, like, walked around the west deck at Karen up and just did wild photo things. And it was amazing because it was me. There's even some photos of my son, like, pushing me around in a trolley. This photo shoot happened. No shit. An hour after we got some news about my son, that he potentially has this. I don't know. Anyway, he's been really struggling. He's never really slept well. He has these hallucinations, delirious episodes when he's extremely stressed or unwell. And it just happens for, like, days on end, like, for nights and nights and nights. And it's really hard. And I feel really horrible for him because there's nothing that we can really do about it. And he's aware of it, too. So we've been back and forth in Perth. We've seen a neurologist, and when we saw the neurologist this couple of hours before the photo shoot, she was going through everything and she's like, oh, okay, well, this sounds like, yeah, potentially ADHD anxiety, which we already knew about. He's dyslexic and, like, such a smart, sweet kid. But obviously I feel the same when it comes to school stuff. Just such a struggle. And so then when we saw the neurologist, she's doing the whole, like, once over check, and then she says, all right, cool. Needs to do, like, a physical look. And she goes, oh, do you have any birthmarks? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I've got two. I was like, I know that he's got one on the back of his leg, but then he's also got one on his hip, which we hadn't really looked at for a little while. But the one on his hip has actually freckled over the top of the birthmark, like, over the. They call it cafe au lait spots. And when you've got them like that, they can say that it's a sign of neurofibromatosis. And that's where you can have, like, tumors and stuff growing on your nervous system. You can have them in your brain. They can be in your eyes. You can have these, like, lich nodules in your eyes. And so she was like, right, you're in Perth. Let's get you an mri. Like, let's get it done really quickly. And I'm just like, oh, supposed to be at a photo shoot in an hour. Seriously, the photo shoot, it wasn't important. Like, it was important, but when it comes to this stuff, like, it wasn't important. But I was like, fuck, okay, how do I make this work? And also try not fall apart at this potential thing that your child could have tumors, not have tumors, who fucking knows? But this neurologist wants you to get checked asap. She's like, okay, well, you're. You're up from the country. We'll just get this done while you're here. And no shit. She rang the MRI place because of course she wanted like a particular model of machine so that they can get the images that they needed. And she rang and she's like, yep, they can see you at 3:30 this afternoon. I'm like, so if you're in Perth, like, I had to get from wherever this appointment was, it was kind of like just north of the city, I don't really know Perth, but then up to Karenup, which is kind of like out on the coast. Ish. And then I had to get back down south for this MRI and still somehow do my photo shoot. And it was only then gonna be about an hour and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Anyway, got in the car, started driving and I thought, let me just ring the MRI place back again. And they said to me, yeah, actually we can see you first thing tomorrow. And I'm like, brilliant. So I was able to go and do the photo shoot knowing that we had an appointment for tomorrow. I had to change flights, rebook accommodation, extend the car hire, blah, blah, blah. But right now I had to go and like, pull the mask on of like, you're a really fun, cool person who's super honest about mental health and go and pull that essence into a brand shoot. But I did, I told the girls about it and they were amazing and really supportive. But then we were like, right, let's go, let's get this shit done. And it was so much fun. And then as soon as we finished and they all walked away, I just broke down a bit. But I couldn't fully break down because my son was there. And it just was like, as a mom, you have all of these emotions and you're trying to protect your child. You don't want them to freak out. I mean, he's 12. Like, he's a smart kid. But at the time I was like, hey, mate, we're just going to Archie Brothers. Like, he knew that we had the photo shoot. And I was like, here's 200. You can spend two hours at Archie Brothers while we do the photo shoot and have the best time. And he did. But then once the photo shoot was done, I was like, we don't have pajamas. Like, we were literally just flying up for the day. We didn't have spare clothes, so, you know, it was like, fuck, we need to go get some clothes, we need to go and get some socks, some jocks. I need to get another night's accommodation. And it just was a lot.

I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one trying to hold it all together while everything feels like it's too much.

And so then we had his appointments. We flew home that next afternoon and then I was home for two days and we jumped in the car and went to Broome. It was fine. I just got the shit done. Jared carried a lot of the load at home. He's like, just pack your clothes, that's all you've got to do. So I was like, clothes and books, that's it. I had it all in there. And we went and spent three weeks up north and it was amazing. It was so good. And then came home and I was home for a week and a half and then I went to Bali, which is obviously where I recorded the first few episodes of the podcast. That was a whirlwind. I had to come home. Well, I didn't have to come home early. I actually left 12 hours early or whatever because Nola, our family daycare lady, she was actually sick the entire time we were in Bali. So Ruben couldn't go to daycare. And then there was other stuff going on as well and it was just insane. And I felt so, so horrible because Jarrod was at home carrying that load of being a dad and running our business and all of the other things which do not get me wrong, like he is the goat when it comes to being a dad and doing all of the things. But I have learned that there's certain times of the year, I. E. Harvest that putting the pressure on is not ideal. And so I flew home a little bit earlier from Bali because we had an event in Perth. He ended up driving up because he's like, well, like, Ruben's sick, I can't send him to daycare, I can't do anything. So I'm just going to jump in the car and come to Perth. And I was like, perfect. I might actually fly in a little bit earlier. Gives me time for the next day to prep myself for the events for the next night. And it just was this one thing after the next. So flew home early, met them in Perth. Reuben was kind of okay. He'd been having those temps and stuff. Turns out he had influenza and he had it for two weeks and it was shit. And the funniest thing, so we had the event on the Friday night, which was my brother and my sister in law were having an engagement party. They got married, which was amazing. I was so stoked for them. And then our plan was the next morning to get up at 3 to drive back to Esperance. And so when you live 800km from anywhere you're traveling at dumb hours of the day and night. And so we were like, right, we'll leave at 3, it'll be fine. Fucking 1:30 in the morning, the fire alarms go off in the hotel. So we'd been asleep for like four hours or something and these fucking alarms go off. And we're like, well, we're awake now. And we decided that we would go back up to the room, pack everything up. Like it was just one of those fault alarms that had kind of gone off, but of course everyone had to evacuate. Got back up to the room, said, fuck it, let's jump in the car and we'll drive home. And we got in the car, we got about 45 minutes out of Perth and we're like, no, we need to sleep. So we parked up, slept for a couple of hours and then drove home and got home and I went and played hockey that afternoon. Because that's what you do. Mostly because I love my hockey girls, but I feel like it's like I went to Bali, was home for a few weeks and when you're away and everything's so disjointed and then you super involved in all sorts of different things, you get behind on shit. And so all of my work stuff was really behind. You know, when you're doing accounts and financials and stuff like that, it's hard to talk about this stuff for me because I've never really said this out loud before. So I have this story around money where I'm like, yeah, it'll be fine. Like, so I like just splash it around and do all the things and it's like, it's not going to actually always be fine. And I think that's an ADHD thing, is like having issues with. Around impulse control and impulsivity and stuff like that is. I'm just like, it'll be fine. Like, it'll be totally okay. I feel like that's my motto is it'll be fine, like it'll be okay. And I'm like, it will be okay. But it's like I was saying to my mum yesterday, she's like, well, you know, you've got these deadlines. And I'm like, yeah, I know I've got these deadlines, but my brain wants to go and chase the rabbits. Doesn't want to, like, it wants to go down the rabbit hole. It doesn't want to sit there and do deadliney things. It's really hard. So a couple of weeks ago I was in Perth again for the biz Revolution Gala. My beautiful friend Emily mg, as you all know her, she runs the Biz Revolution, which is co working networking online platform for women in business. But it's like women in business that are a little bit rebellious. Like we question everything and suppose it's a really cool thing. I'm like question everything, even the thoughts in your mind. So like the story that I'm telling myself around my money stuff is that I'm really shit at it, but I'm in the middle of working with that. I'm even doing some shadow work. Like if you're a bit woo woo, I clearly need to do a bit more on that, but we're getting there. I met this amazing lady, this lovely lady, Vicky, and she is like a financial strategist. And I was just kind of talking to her and she's like, look, I am actually an accountant by trade, but I don't do the behind stuff. Like we don't look backwards because you know, most tax accountants and BASS agents and stuff like that are looking backwards and they're trying to do compliance and blah blah, blah. Whereas what businesses really need is like proper forecasting where you can have a bit of a budget and a bit of a plan and that's where you can see on paper or on a spreadsheet just exactly where things are going if you spend X, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah. And I'm like, where have you been in my life? I literally all my life have wanted someone that can sit there and properly forecast the data with me. And it's taken me like this long to be able to find someone that's like, yeah, I'm actually an accountant by trade, but we look forward. I've now set up a few different bank accounts so that I've got like my PAYG in one and my super in another one and all of these things just to make sure that. And I've changed my Xero dashboard so that I can see exactly what's where when I'm not having to fucking guess. Please just give me the black and white. And I actually had to ring the ATO yesterday to talk to them and they're like, no, look, we need to go a bit further into this. I'm like, for fuck's sake. Anyway, I know that it's going to be okay. I've been speaking to our team, it's just a business thing. And I suppose this is why, like she's honestly mental because like my best friend, I love her. She has been petrified of the ato. Because of stuff that her parents have said around it. And it's like, they'll come for you. They'll put you in jail, they'll take all of your stuff away from you. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, dickhead. That's if you don't talk to them and don't communicate to them. And so I've learned that a lot. I'm like, I have to be upfront and I have to be honest, because if I'm not, it just fucks everything off. Like, it just makes it worse. But then it also makes the stories that I'm telling myself more real when really that's not the reality. And so one little trick, I'm like, if you've got stuff ruminating in here, you have to get that out of your head, because it's probably just a story that you're saying. And I'm like, cool story, bro. Needs more dragons, actually. Is that true? Oh, it's not, actually. So, you know, I did the hard things, I had the hard conversations. All will be okay. It's going to be a little bit rough for a little while, but that's okay. Like, we've got a plan. And so now I'm, you know, working with Vicky to try and get myself sorted. And it really sucks because it's kind of something that my family's been having to help me with, get out of for a really long time, is my stuff with money. So, yeah, what are the kids? They're like, psych. Karina's really good with, like, financials, but she's not actually really good with money. But I am like, I'm getting much better. And it's just one of those things. But it's one of those things that weighs on me, and it's like, really airing out my dirty laundry. If people want to look at my bank statements, I'm like, oh, that's really where it's at. And people do say that. I suppose if you want to look at your values and stuff like that, you just look at someone's bank statement. I'm like, I just value beautiful things. But then comes the major emotional guilt over that. So here I am back in Perth Go Karts this weekend. That's a whole other episode governance. But, yeah, welcome to. I don't know, what are we up To? Episode six. I actually had another episode recorded for episode six. It was my first guest podcast, and it was around a good friend of mine that I've been working with for a little while. This is what happens. You end up working with these people and they become good friends and you get to know them. And it's really beautiful having these different people, particularly when you're living in such a small country town. It becomes really isolating.

Anyway, she's actually someone who's come into my life through a mutual friend, and her area of expertise is something I know. I wish I could share more. Her area of expertise is something that's been really, really valuable in our lives when it comes to business, HR operations, and really streamlining how our business actually.

Works when we're in Perth for the Biz Revolution gala, which also. She's Honestly mental. Sponsored. It was just great. We got to give away $5,000 to two different women in business. It was just amazing. I sat down and had this guest episode, and my friend was like, right, we're doing it. We're doing a guest episode. It's going to be a first one. I'm going to pop the cherry. And it was an epic, epic episode. But because of the context of it, which is around, like, domestic violence, coercive relationships, and currently there's issues around custody of children, et cetera, we've had to just put a little pin in that one. And hopefully sometime in the future, we are able to actually share that epic episode because I think it would be something that's really valuable to a lot of people.

So, yeah, that's where I'm at. It's been big, it's been messy, but also, if you're carrying a lot, just know you're not doing it wrong. Life is just heavy sometimes, and you're still here. That counts for something.

Thanks for hanging out with me on She's Honestly Mental. If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram. She's Honestly Mental. Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone. And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs. Until next time, take care of your brain. You're not broken, you're just honestly mental. And all the best people are.