8. The myth of the perfect mother ends here

Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside. I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD brain medicated mind and proud mental health hospital alumni. Still here, still showing up somehow. This is the space for the feelers, the fixers, and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough. We talk about the chaos, the connection and everything in between because science violence nearly killed me and these conversations save lives. All right, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi contained. Let's get honestly mental.

Welcome to episode eight of She's Honestly Mental. On today's episode, we are going to be talking about my day to day and how I try and get through. It's something that I really struggle with most days, is arguing with my brain. I'm not gonna lie. My life is not perfect. Things are messy, Things are chaotic. But I still try to find glimmers throughout the day that help me get through. Something that I touched on in the last episode was talking about the foundation, Marie Kondo, your house and all of this crap. It's just this expectation that people are trying to push on us and it is not real. That kind of behavior, that shame spiraling, those un asked for pieces of vice, that is the stories that are slowly killing us. It's those shame cycles. It's cultural, it's generational, it is just a weight that is burning women out. And I say no more freedom. Cue the internal like picture of Braveheart. Is it Mel Gibson in the movie no more. No more. And so that's why I find when I share my story or I hear other women talking about the same things, it just makes it more powerful. The purpose of She's Honestly Mental. These conversations that are saving people's mental health that are saving lives. When I found the courage or the capacity, I suppose the mental capacity, because that's what I think it comes down to a lot of the time is we literally don't have the mental capacity to handle all of the things that the world expects of us. And then of course of all. All of the things that we expect of ourselves from these stories that we're telling ourselves. Again, it comes down to the language that we're using. It's those small changes that you can be making with your language and the way that you talk to yourself just by being a bit kinder to yourself. A reminder to talk to yourself as if you would talk to a friend or someone who is in crisis. You're not going to sit there and be, this is your own fault, you did it, blah, blah, blah. That really doesn't help. And so be kind to you, show yourself a little bit of empathy, a little bit of compassion and just be nice. So when I found the capacity to actually ask for help, to put me first, that was probably the hardest thing that I have ever done, was learning to prioritise me. I have to fill my cup up. And if I don't fill my cup up and only give from the overflow of filling that cup up, then I'm just a tired, grumpy, miserable bitch. And so for me, making sure that I have my solid foundation, that I have my scaffolding around me, starting my day with my beautiful cacao, realising the things that I say yes to and no to, not going to Woolies and doing the shopping, not being the mum that tries to do it all, cooking, cleaning, blah, blah, blah. I have a lady, I have a team that come and does my cleaning every week. It's so great. I have someone that comes and mows our lawns every fortnight because I got sick and tired of Jared arguing with the lawnmower or him being too busy to do it. And then I tried to do it, it just became too much. And for the sake of $45 every few weeks, I thought to myself, why not? It's giving ourselves permission to outsource. It's giving ourselves permission to not have it all together. And asking for help can be that simple. Paying someone to do the things that you really struggle with. I know I can clean my house, I know I can mow the lawns. I know that I could pick the kids up and take them all to the sporting things. But, you know, it's having those people around you that can support you and knowing that when you do ask for help, it's not actually a failure. Who said that asking for help is a failure? Dunno. There's plenty of ways throughout the day when I know that I, very easily, back in the past, would have landed myself in a shame spiral. More often than not, everything ended in a shame spiral. And I think that's when I realized that the shame spirals were more than me living, I suppose, more. The shame spirals were stronger and more frequent than me being able to find a little bit of positivity, finding a little glimmer, a little piece of hope. I think that's when the good is more than the bad, is when you need a space to be able to just be. And I think this is why I found being in a mental hospital so incredibly powerful, because it was a place where I got to just be. To be me, to not have to look after anyone, to be able to be held. And that was a really powerful moment because I also knew that everyone at home was fine. They were able to survive. They didn't need me. As much as they loved me and as much as they wanted me to be around, they were able to survive without me. And I think that's a really important point, is that as much as you feel that people truly need you, you need yourself first. You don't need to perform for people. When performing for people literally pours everything out of your cup and you're just giving yourself away. And I know that's what I was doing. And it is really funny how relationships have changed for me since I've stopped pretending that I'm fine, since I've openly say to people, hey, I'm actually really struggling with X, Y, Z. For example, this morning, one of my friends, I saw something on Facebook and I sent it to her and I said, this is what really fucks me off. Like, I don't know where I stand with this stuff. And then I reread the post and I said to her, oh, this isn't actually about me or the job that I'm trying to do. This is something else. Oh, my brain spiraled. I actually said that to her. I was like, oh, my brain, it spiraled. It's okay. I'm all right. And I actually was all right once I realized that. It's like being on a train station or on a train, and your brain's just saying all of these bullshit stories to you, and it doesn't know how exactly what story is true and what story is not true. And sometimes you can say, hey, actually, I'm going to get off at this next station and let that train full of your brain bullshit stories continue on without you. You can choose what story you want to lean into. And so this morning, after reading the post and then realizing what it was, I was then able to choose the different version of events other than the ones that I jumped to. So quick to jump to conclusions sometimes. Oh, and the other thing that I forgot to mention too, is for me, part of my scaffolding and my foundation is taking my medication. For me, taking the medication for my mental health is actually about quality of life. I know for me, when I take it, I'm able to function better, I can be a better person. I'm a lot kinder. To myself, I'm a better mum, a better wife. I look after myself better. And then I also realize the moments when I'm not taking it properly and I go, fuck. Okay, all right. Just be more aware that because you haven't been taking your medication properly that you're gonna be a little bit more on edge and you just need another moment to breathe. So, yeah. Anyway, friends, if you wanna join me, come and jump over in the messy middle. Subscribe to the Chaos Letters or ask about Permission to Be Human, the new program that I'm currently running. Again, I still feel like a flog saying this stuff, but, you know, I gotta put food on the table. Anyway, guys, have an amazing day and I hope that you have been able to take away something from this episode.

Thanks for hanging out with me. On She's Honestly Mental. If today's episode caught cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram. She's Honestly Mental. Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone. And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs. Until next time, take care of your brain.

You're not broken, you're just honestly mental.

And all the best people are.