9. Why writing your mental health story can be life-saving

Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside. I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD brain medicated, mind and proud mental health hospital alumni. Still here, still showing up somehow. This is the space for the feelers, the fixers, and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough. We talk about the chaos, the connection and everything in between because science violence nearly killed me and these conversations save lives. All right, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi contained. Let's get honestly mental. Guys, girls, Far out. I am a bit excited because a little while ago actually when I was in Bali, I've been following this chick, Heidi Anderson, for years and she is a PR queen. She is someone who is really great with publicity, but she is also someone that I really admire because she has so openly spoken about body image and body positivity, mental health and the struggle, the shame that we all sit in. And it's always so fantastic to be able to find someone else that talks about that. Anyway, Heidi has recently put together this pr. It's called Pitch Like a Publicist. So having your own publicist, but it actually being you. And it's been a really interesting kind of time for me. I've had two articles published and I've also picked up a guest podcast which has just been so amazing. But what I've learned is around being able to actually write my story without AI. It's a really hard thing to do. So what I thought I would do today is read my article that I wrote for Mamma Mia. Which published today. So, as always, a little bit of a content warning. So this is a discussion. Well, this piece talks about suicide, pregnancy, loss that maybe distressing to some people. I feel like I should start this off with that Alanis Morissette song. Isn't it ironic, don't you think? He goes. The irony wasn't lost on me. I was fielding business calls and franchises while sitting in a psychiatric ward during the early days of COVID On paper, I looked like I had it all figured out. I was running businesses, raising two young boys and holding it all together. A life that ticked every box of success. But in reality, I'd been admitted to hospital with ptsd, major depression and suicidal ideation. I grew up the eldest of six. At school, I was the perfect student, desperate for recognition as an adult. Nothing changed. I ran the family business, paid the bills and kept everyone happy. And then I had my two boys 20 months apart and I tried to keep performing at the same pace. Most afternoons ended the same way. House quiet, Me curled up on the bedroom floor, panicked and overstimulated. My husband would walk into not just a physical mess, but an emotional wreck, begging him to come home. I still have a lot of guilt around this. I felt like a failure. At home, I went searching for worth elsewhere. I joined the pnc, volunteering for fundraising. Said yes to every request. On the outside, I looked like I was doing it all. Inside, I was disappearing. My brain never switched off. How can I fix this? How can I do better? Meanwhile, the self talk was brutal. You're a failure. You fucked everything up. Everyone would be better off without you. I started a million projects and finished none. My dad called me half ass. Now I understand that's actually executive dysfunction. Knowing the right things, take your meds, brush your teeth, answer the email. Yet being physically unable to do any of them. The breaking point came when my eldest was six. He was anxious, melting down after school, struggling to regulate his emotions. Watching him was like looking in the mirror. We took him to a psychologist. After a few sessions, she turned to me and said, corinna, I think your son is actually in a really good place, but I think you could benefit from some sessions with me. That was the unravelling. At the same time, our business was collapsing. I lied to everyone and lived in the constant state of anxiety, knowing I had responsibilities but I was unable to act on them. Before my 30th birthday, I wrote my suicide note. Eventually, I sat with my GP on a telehealth and told the truth. The psychiatrist listened to my story. Sexual assault, my parents marriage breaking down, postnatal depression and she diagnosed me with ptsd. Five days later, I was admitted to hospital. I felt both relief and humiliation. Relief that someone named it humiliation that couldn't keep performing without cracking. Over the years, I was admitted multiple times after miscarriages. During COVID when my brain shut down, each time was both relief and shame. The only way I could process any of it was to speak out loud. I shared on social media and was flooded with MeToo messages. It didn't fix anything, but it stopped the silence from swallowing me. In 2022, we lost two more pregnancies. By then I had scaffolding. I had a psychiatrist who knew me and a family who rallied. In 2023, we finally held our miracle baby boy. His first year included multiple hospital stays for a kidney condition. At the same time, my husband and I went through a brutal business breakdown. We walked away, took the hit and rebuilt. By Easter 2024, I cracked again. I tried to contact my psychiatrist and was told she'd changed direction. Find someone else, start again re explain everything as if it's that easy. That's the thing about our system. The moment you're most unwell is the moment you're asked to audition for care. I drove 800 kilometres to see a new psychiatrist. We went through everything. He looked at me and said, I think your underlying issue is actually adhd. That one sentence flipped everything. He read my school reports. Intelligent but distracted, talks too much, late with assignments. I even submitted the same history project four years in a row and no one noticed. The first time I took medication it felt like floating on a cloud. My brain usually 400 tabs open, music playing somewhere. It went quiet and for the first time I wasn't at war with myself. Medication hasn't saved my life, but it has completely changed it. It has given me quality of life and belief that I'm not broken, just wired differently. Ten months on, my life is still messy, but it finally feels possible. I say no. I don't over commit. Most of the time I choose things that bring value and joy to our family instead of chasing worthiness. Our business is thriving because my husband and I stay in our lanes. He goes out with his mates. I can solo parent without melting down. I can take time away without drowning in guilt. Most importantly, for the first time in my life I believe that I'm a good person. Not perfect. Just me. And that's why I started she's honestly mentor, a podcast and community built from the messy middle. Not a polished after I launched by reading my suicide note out loud because silence nearly killed me and I refused to let it win. If you're reading this at 3am and wondering why you can't cope like everyone else, hear me, you are not broken. We're living in a world that hasn't been built to support us. Survival doesn't need to look polished to matter and honesty, not perfection, is what saves us. And then it goes on to say Karina Rawlinson is a mum of three and small business owner in Regional wa. She's the founder of She's Honesty Mantle, a podcast and community created from her own lived experience with adhd, PTSD and motherhood in the messy middle. Karina writes and speaks about survival, honesty and the impossible load women are asked to carry. If you or anyone you know would like to speak with an Expert, please contact SANS Australia, the 24 hour helpline 1 300-07-2637. If you or anyone else needs to speak to an expert, please contact your GP. Lifeline 131114 Kids Helpline 18551800 or beyondblue 1300224636 all of which provide trained counsellors that can talk to you. 24. 7 Wild. Hey, I'm a published person. It's been crazy seeing photos of myself online. So there was another article that went out a few weeks ago by the Daily Mail. And then when this opportunity came up, Heidi said to me, hey, babe, this is going to be a really good opportunity. The only difference is, is that you actually have to write this. Whereas the one with the Daily Mail, I had a journalist ring me and we went through everything and that interview was about an hour and it was wild. But the story that she wrote was magical. It was really, really lovely to have someone consciously take my story and share it, but this one was really different. And I struggled a lot in school with English and with writing. I have so much going on in my head that I feel like when I am writing that my brain can't keep up with me. And so I found by not doing my English, I think that's probably one of the reasons why I left school so early, because it just wasn't for me. Just when I think of English classes, it makes me want to scream, I can't deal. So when I had to write this story, I did use AI and I said, hey, I've got to write an article for my story for Mamma Mia. These are the prerequisites that they like when people write stories for them. And this is what I've written before, but it can't be the same. So can you please just give me a slight framework that I can work with? And from there, I think I had a thousand word limit or some bullshit. I ended up writing 3,000 words. It was just wild. When my brain started flowing, the writing just happened. It's wild. I just finished recording episode eight and then I get this random friend request from Georgia who I played hockey with this season. But I also knew her from when I was in primary school. She was a year younger than me and to be honest, I always thought she was like, too cool for me. It was this weird dynamic of I felt below her, which is so random. But that's school stuff, right? And so then this year she's been living in Canada and she's come back to Australia to stay with her family and we ended up playing hockey together. And it was so sweet, the message that she just shared with me. And it's one of the messages that I get often, but it was just so lovely. She goes in complete honesty, whether it helps or not, having a season of hockey with you, I kept thinking to myself, wow, Karina is so easygoing and comfortable and confident within herself. And I truly loved being in your presence. Funny as fuck. Real. And someone who was trying to get out there and kick goals across so many different platforms in life. You should be proud of yourself for speaking up. And I can't wait to listen to your podcast, Go, girl. And it's funny that people see this. They see this, me being so carefree and confident, but I'm like, it's not a show. It's not a show. I think for me, it's sometimes like, fake it till you make it. I can choose to be all down in the dumps and feel really crap about things that are going on, or I can choose to be like, all right, life, let's go. Like, let's take this next thing on. And I think that's where I wouldn't say unravel things. Unravel. No, that's probably not the thing. I feel like this is what helps actually bring things together for me is the fact that I'm like, you know what? Fake it till you make it. I'm going to wing it. I'm going to just give it a crack, give it a go, and that's the best thing that I can do. And I think that's something that I've been doing a lot of lately, is just giving it a crack. So I gave it a crack. I wrote a story for Mamma Mia. And they actually published it without needing any changes. I've done my daily Mae article and I have got a guest podcast episode coming up. I'm being interviewed on Motherland, which is so wild. If you're a regional Australia mum, you've probably heard about Motherland and the amazing things that they do, but I was in Kmart a couple of weeks ago. No, last week, actually. I had just sponsored the Motherland event in Darken. There was a girl that emailed the bookshop, my friend's bookshop, Dear Village, and she goes, hey, just looking for some sponsorship for this event in Darken. Not sure if you guys are able to help, but it would be really cool. And. And I saw the email and I emailed back straight away going, hey, not really sure how it fits with the bookshop, but I have this platform called She's Honesty Mantle. And I would love to be able to sponsor. Not even making money out of this shit yet. I'm throwing money at different things. Like, what the fuck, Arena. Anyway, so I sponsored this event, and I thought to myself, why don't I, through this program that I'm doing with Heidi, put a be a guest on the podcast request through. And I did. And I had this full oh, my gosh moment when I was in Kmart, and I'm just doing my jobs, and this lady rings and she goes, oh, hey, Karina, it's Stephanie from Motherland. And I've just gone, what? She's like, yeah, I saw your application to be on the podcast, and we would love to have you. And I just thought to myself, girl, what is this? But that's the whole point, right? That's the whole point of PR and pitching and sharing a story is to be able to get those conversations and those connections out there. So here's me throwing myself out into the wild, winging it, hoping that the right people hear it, hoping that by sharing this conversation, it saves more lives and people realize that the world is actually so not built for our brains. So, anyway, thanks for having me. Thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning in. I can't believe it. I've recorded three episodes, seven, eight, and nine today, and I am super stoked. I really am going to work hard on getting a couple of guest episodes over the next few weeks. So let's go. Thanks for hanging out with me on She's Honestly Mental. If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram. She's Honestly Mental. Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone. And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs. Until next time, take care of your brain. You're not broken. You're just honestly mental. And all the best people are.