First-person, candid monologue (YouTube video) in which Corrina Rawlinson recounts ongoing mental-health struggles over the last ~2.5 years, including suicidal ideation, hospital admission, diagnosis, and recent acute anxiety/panic (a major panic attack earlier in the week). She describes physical symptoms (chest pain, shortness of breath), a GP visit where she was prescribed a one-off medication to settle her, prior fear of taking similar meds, and ongoing coordination with a psychiatrist (Perth). Corrina also explains her roles in multiple family businesses (overseeing tenders, accounting oversight, staff management), reduced working hours recently, and her desire to recover at home rather than return to Perth for inpatient care. The tone is honest, raw, and self-reaffirming; she closes by thanking supporters and describing a coping activity (doing paperwork alone at the workshop).
Oh, what a 24 hours I've had. I know a lot of people go, oh, look at Karina, she does so much blah, blah, blah. She's always working, she's always this, she's always that. And I get it, it might look like a lot, but the biggest thing for me is I've always been a go getter, high achiever, high expectations of myself. Got to do all the things, you know, it was when I growing up, like, if you want a job done properly, do it yourself. And I tell you what, that's just me. That's who I am, that's how I've been brought up. And even though over the last, like, particularly the last two years, where I've been really deep, you know, kind of to the point where I didn't want to be here anymore, I didn't want to be alive anymore, to being diagnosed, to then being put in, like, you know, admitting myself into some, into hospital, seeing my psychiatrist, getting all my together, like, it's a lot. The last two and a half years has been a lot. But that doesn't mean that each time I go into hospital or each time I change my medication or go and see my doctor means that that's the fix, that's everything done. I've got it un. Why are the last 29 years of my life and how my brain has worked and I don't think people get that. I don't think people get that. And it's really frustrating. And, you know, just this morning I had a friend text me and go, how you going? And I said, you know, because yesterday I actually went and saw my GP because of everything that's been going on. I've been experiencing this pain in my chest, shortness of breath, etc. Since my major panic attack on Monday, and it has gone away. So I thought, I'll do the right thing, I'll go and see my gp. And I went in there and I just kept having these, like, pangs of anxiety all day. Like, you know, when your heart sinks and your gut just goes for a second, that's what had been happening. And by the time I got into him, I was able to actually sit and unload and I couldn't stop crying. And, you know, I. I was really kind of worked up. But all I keep trying to do is the best that I possibly can do with what I know, the same as anyone else. Everyone, all we're doing is trying to do the best that we can do with what we actually know. So, yeah, he goes to me Yesterday, I think we might need to just give you like a one off something to just help settle you. Go home, close your eyes and hopefully you can rest. Probably because I needed that. And I can tell you he's prescribed me medication like that before and I got it and I was too scared to take it. So it sat in the back of my drawer. I don't even know where it is. Actually, I got rid of it because that was one of the things that I was like, maybe I can take too many of these to kill myself. Like, but of course that's not what I want to do. That's a lot of information. But that's, that's the like, you know, I got rid of that stuff because when I was in that state of mind that I didn't want to be here anymore, I was like, well, maybe this is one way anyway. That's deep, right? But it's true and it's honest and it's where I was at. So yesterday he gave me this medication and I said to him, I don't want to take it, but I know I'm in a state where if I don't wind down, where if I don't calm down, I'm going to end up a lot worse than what I am. And that would probably, for me mean, let's ship you back off to Perth, let's try and get your medication sorted, blah, blah, blah. And I don't want that because I really like what I'm on. Obviously there's things that have been going on over the last few weeks that have really just triggered me a little bit. And that's okay. This is just a season. And while I share with this with you guys, I'm like, I'm pep talking myself because I've got to reaffirm it to myself that I'm okay. This is just a period that's going on in my life. Okay. So I've had a fair bit of time off work this week probably. I probably only worked maybe two days and that's probably about five hours each day. And you know when your husband's got a business and you help run your mum's news agency and you help your stepdad with writing the tenders so that they can get work. And I know it sounds like a lot, but you know, I've got, my husband's mum helps with the books. We've got a bookkeeper that helps with all the three companies. I literally, for the earth moving company, just do the tenders and I have a team of people who sit with me and do it. I just kind of oversee it and make sure that everyone's doing their jobs and then I lodge it, you know, with the shop, I just kind of do the accounting and oversee the staff and then our amazing team at the shop do the rest of it. Like, I don't have to be there 247 and I don't have that expectation on me to do it 24 7, so. And I also feel like I shouldn't have to explain myself to people when they go, oh, geez, you do a lot. I'm like, I don't really. To me, I see it as it's one umbrella and I'm under the umbrella of our family businesses and my role is the same throughout all of them. And I love it. I love doing my job. I love it when we win a tender. It's thrilling and I've worked my ass off for that. You know, I love it when the shop's successful. I love getting compliments about it. You know, those things are what fills me up. But anxiety is. So anyway, I took the medication yesterday. I'm waiting for my GP to get back to me. He was supposed to be speaking to my psychiatrist in Perth, so hopefully I have an answer by 1030 of what they want me to do. I don't want to go back to Perth if they say that that's what they want me to do. I'm really going to put my feet down because I don't want to. I want to be here with my family. I want to be involved because I feel like, yes, when I go back to Perth, I am. It's recovery, right? But I need to find the ways to recover when I'm home. So what that is going to look like? I don't know. I don't know. No one knows. No one knows the answer. So Happy Friday. It's not even Friday. It's Saturday. Saturday. And it's what, seven o' clock in the morning? I've just come to work because I've got so much filing I need to do and this is just what I feel like I need to do right now is come to work. There's no one else here at the workshop, so I've got the office to myself. I can chuck the telly on, I can watch a movie while I've got my paperwork and just do my own thing. So, yeah, that's my complete overshare for the morning. But I just want to say thank you to those people who message me and go, we see you. We follow you. It resonates. And thank you. So thank you for giving me this space where I can openly share about what's going on and my mental health. So Happy Saturday.
