03: Tools For Finding Self-Worth with Tiffany Carter (Enneagram 6)

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

FOREIGN.

Hey guys, this is Tracy o' Malley and welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And I am so freaking nervous and excited. And this is the very, very first interview that I'm doing on the podcast. And the woman I'm going to introduce you to is hands down one of my best friends in the whole wide world. And I have learned more from her in the last year of our friendship than I have in the other 47 years of my life. So that's a big deal. Tiffany Carter takes the mystery out of making big money. She's this high level money and business coach I send so many people her way. She uses a combination of her clear cut, no bullshit communication style that she developed as a TV news journalist, her savvy business savvy end strategies as a multimillionaire entrepreneur. And she's not just like a coach on the corner kind of chick. Like she's built massive businesses not just in the online space, but also outside of that. She has this amazing ability to connect with women on a deeper level. She can uncover what's blocking you and here's the thing about that is she's able to do this because she's done her own work. She spent a lifetime bullshitting herself until she couldn't anymore. And so she's got this unique knack of spotting bullshit a mile away, including mine, which was crazy because I thought I was pretty transparent and she pretty much nailed me right from the get go. And that's probably why I fell in love with her immediately. She's an empowerment speaker, money making mentor and a marketing expert. Tiffany's zone of genius are helping women become financially free through education, empowerment and proven straightforward strategies. She is a multi millionaire entrepreneur that went from a life of self destruction to success despite the odds of being. Despite the odds being entirely against her. Her mission runs deeper than helping women create wealth. Her bigger purpose is to help women find. Find their worth. And one of her favorite quotes is low self worth equals low net worth. And so although she helps a lot of people make more money in the my favorite thing is her project Me Income passive income posse that she coaches people all across the world, it's not just about making money because she knows that if you don't have this higher self worth, it's just a matter of time that even if you do make the money, you're gonna blow it all anyway. And I'm gonna let her tell you more about what that looks like, how that came true for her. And so you guys, please, please, please take notes. You are going to be captivated by this girl. You're going to hear both our Chicago accents come out for sure. She's my Chicago friend.

My own mentor in so many ways, and one of my dearest, dearest friends in the whole wide world. Hey, Tiff. What's happening, girl?

What's up? I'm so honored to be the first guest on the show. I mean, this is real life shit, you guys. Like, it doesn't matter at what stage in business you're in or how much freaking money you have in the bank, when you do something new, it's still scary as hell, isn't it?

You guys, if you could have had a little, like, if you were a fly on the wall about 10 minutes ago, I'm literally shitting my pants. And, like, I am afraid to hit record. I'm like, holy fuck, I'm really doing this.

And I've been on camera, I've spoken in front of tens of thousands of people on stages before, and yet here I am doing this, scared of my fucking mind. And, you know, I think when we decide to do something really scary for us and we know that what we're about to share can really make an impact on somebody and. And move the needle for them, not just in their bank account, but really, that can go on for legacies. You know, I know that the changes that you help women make really go so deep. And so, you know, I met you a year ago, and I'll never forget the day I met you. And I was talking to somebody earlier today, that I was in a room full of people that really wanted to grow. And, you know, I kind of felt. I looked around. I'm like, one of these things does not belong. And I thought it was me because I wasn't like, these Other women, they're amazing and, you know, there to grow themselves. And then you sat down and it was weird because I immediately felt.

Like my soul knew you. And I immediately went to judgment. I was like, I don't know who this chick is. She's not talking, you know, And I know that I go to judgment when I'm afraid. I'm afraid. And the reason I was afraid is because I knew you could see me. And holy shit, I'm so grateful you did. And so that day that I met you, you guys, this will tell you about the integrity of Ms. Tiffany Carter. It was about this time last year. The fires in Malibu were. You know, you heard about it from the Kardashians. Taken over the whole mountain in Calabasas and Malibu. And Tiffany lives in Calabasas. And she showed up to this event. She'd been evacuated from her house not even 24 hours earlier. She didn't even have. She had clothes on her back, and that was pretty much it. And she showed up to speak and. And give back to this room full of 150 or so women. And that is the kind of character this woman has. She shows up when she doesn't fucking feel like it. She shows up when she doesn't feel good, when she's sick. Speaking of, I've got this awful cough. So I was like, oh, that's a good excuse to kind of like bail out of this. And she's like, no, you're doing this. We're doing this. So if you hear me coughing, that's what it's all about.

I mean, you guys, I've had, like, thought I was going to shit my pants before having, like, stomach issues. And you still. And I still do a show. Like, you show up anyway. And, like, when I met Tracy at that event, I hadn't showered, and it wasn't a good look. I mean, I'm talking, like, not like a hot mess. Like, not showered, where your hair is greasy and no amount of dry shampoo can help. And I had, like, an old, like, black dress, and it was like. And this was like, kind of a. Like a glammy, kind of very bougie.

Oh, yeah. They all had their, like, fake lashes and the makeup to a tee, and it was beautiful. But. Yeah, exactly. She did. And so when I met her, for some reason, I kind of knew. And the minute we both opened up our mouths, it was like, oh, okay, we get this. We get that we're very different from the rest of this room. And I don't mean that in Like, a judgy kind of way. But when you. When we got to know each other, and you. You hear her story, and for those of you that know me, you're going to understand why we're very good friends today. So.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. I'm so excited to share with them. You know, you. You have had. You were a newscaster. You are on the news. You drive a cool car, you got cool dogs. You live in Calabasas, land of the Kardashians, which is awesome. Just saying Calabasas is like, ooh, it's really obnoxious.

It's like, my name. My name's obnoxious, right? Like, Tiffany. It's like a really rich name or a stripper.

There's, like, no in between.

Accurate. So you got into business. Like, when did you know? Like, I knew early on that I was kind of emotionally unemployable. And so, you know, growing up as Tiffany, when did you realize, like, I'm different from everybody else? I know that I'm different.

I thought I was different as a little girl. And this is something I've later learned in all the deep recovery work I've done for people who are raised in toxic, abusive, dysfunctional homes. That's actually a common trait, to feel almost like an alien, like, you don't belong, like, something quite doesn't fit. And I always felt that way. I would ask a lot of questions that other kids my age didn't ask. You know, like, I was always older than my age, like, wise beyond my years, like an old soul, which didn't always connect. Like, even when I played Barbies as a kid, my subject matter for the Barbies was, like, full household dysfunction and very intricate storylines. And meanwhile, like, real life.

Days of Our Lives in Barbieland.

Exactly. Meanwhile, like, they're like, oh, you know, Ken got a new car.

So I knew that was, like. I knew something about me was different, but because I was raised in a household where, you know, it wasn't healthy, I automatically internalize that as something's wrong with me. So I learned early on to create this false self. Like, I even remember, even at, like, 6, 7 years old, even though I wanted, like, going back to the Barbie thing, even though I wanted, like, my Barbies to have, like, a full Days of Our Lives, like, saga, I want. I knew I had to kind of dumb it down and play like the others, and if I wanted to be accepted or not to be teased or that I was weird. So I've always felt very different. But the big thing is not Different. Like, oh, I'm unique, and I embrace my uniqueness. It was like, I'm very heavily flawed, and I'm like, no one else, and I better cover this up if I want to survive. Mm.

So I know everybody listening is probably already on Instagram right now, like, checking out, because I always do that, too. When I'm listening to somebody, I want to see what they look like and put the voice with the face and the life. And something I've always said is, you know, if they look at your bio today and your website. That's beautiful. And the multimillionaire and all the things, Right. That people would deem as successful. And I tell people all the time, you see the glory, but you don't know the story.

And.

And the resilience and the overcoming and the becoming bulletproof, even to have what Tiffany has today. So what about you as that little girl? What was different about you? Like, you know, looking back, you know, three, four decades now, you can see why you felt that way, right? Me too. I exactly felt exactly how you did. I knew I was different. But that was all you knew. That was all I knew. But we still knew something wasn't maybe right. So what wasn't right?

I mean, well, there was a lot not right. I mean, my story is truly. Could easily be made into a Lifetime movie. It's like that train wreck that's awful, but you can't help but, like, stare at it, but you don't want to. I mean, I was sexually abused from the ages of 11 to 21. I was raped at 15. My mom is anorexic and a narcissist and was married, you know, three times then, now four. Parents divorced at four. I'm an only child. Both my parents are only children, so I didn't have even a sibling or, like, a cousin to kind of look at and go, this shit's not normal. Right? It was just me and, like, my stuffed animals and, like, really getting hyper vigilant and reading situations and then going to friends houses. That's when I really realized, like, okay, something's really off here, because I would go do sleepovers and stuff. And, like, you know, not to say everyone's family, like, everyone was married or, you know, everyone's relationship was great, but, like, the parents would play, like, uno with us, or mom would, like, make baked, you know, baked cookies for us while, you know, we're watching a movie or something. It was more. So the energy of the house was much calmer.

There was more freedom. There was more, you could, you know, you could kind of be more playful and it was allowed. I felt more relaxed at other people's houses than my own. And, and I probably around age 10 is when I realized something's not normal about my household.

So I was about that age too when I was like, okay, shit's just not right here. Because I had the same thing. When you start like exploring and going to other friends houses and you feel that like, oh wow, like you're not cooking dinner and doing all the laundry and everything. Like.

Right, right. I'm like, wait a second, I'm not having to like go to. I started working at age 8. I'm like, wait, I'm not having to work. I really like this. Can I move in? Right.

So I know like my. The people listening know I'm in the Enneagram and I do all this and you know, with knowing Tiffany and knowing she's a six on the Enneagram, which is called the loyalist there biggest necessity and desire is to feel safe and.

Secure and supported. And so when you grow up in an environment and your personality leans that way like it is hyper vigilant. Right? So not only was that environment completely a shit show, we'll just call it what it is. Plus, on top of that her personality tendencies, like the number one thing she needs is support and security. So I know as a child we develop coping mechanisms to survive, to get through, to make it through another fucking day. I mean, I know that sounds pretty dramatic, but that's exactly what you lived so early on, when was the first age that you remember a coping mechanism that maybe was leading down a path that. Not so great. That not so great for you. You got you through, but today didn't serve you.

Amazing question. Only someone else who grew up in a highly dysfunctional environment can ask those questions. Because, you know, at six years old, I would say is my earliest memory of consciously it's manipulation in order to survive. Right.

So my mom, my parents were, I said divorced when I was four. And for. I don't know how familiar you guys are with people who are narcissists, but everything is about. Is not just about them, but their whole like that to the point where they're. It's life or death.

So I by law got to visit my dad. I think it was Tuesdays and Saturdays. I knew if I came back from my dad's house from, you know, visitation with my dad and I had any glimmer of even being pleased. Not even happy, but pleased I was dead in the water. So I remember walking up, I had a, like long ass walkway to get to the front door of my house. And I remember, like, almost like an actor gets ready to go on stage. Yes.

Pep talk. Like, okay, get in.

It was like, yeah, I knew. Yep. I knew I had to squash myself down. And I even would come up with a story, like some, A complaint. And she would say, so how was your dad's? Oh, well, you know, he didn't really feed me anything, so I'm really hungry. Of course he didn't. He's so cheap. And only your mother knows how to feed you. And. And so I was like, okay, I'm safe, I'm safe. Or, you know, if it was a birthday, I could not be happy with any gifts he got me. So I knew the script early on at that age, what I had to do in order to protect myself. And then I just finessed that and mastered that over time.

So one of the things. I know. And you nailed it. Like a child that grew up in an environment that was like, not safe. All the things can ask that question because, yeah, I lived it. And I also know that at six years old, you learned the art of manipulation to be safe. And just because we use it with mom doesn't mean we don't use it moving forward, because we have equated that manipulation equals safe. Safe and secure and support. So, you know, fast forward a decade. Tiffany's growing into womanhood and, you know, gonna venture out into school and colleges. You have this tool in your toolbox called manipulation that, you know, is your safety weapon. Like, this is all I need. And I can. If you can get through a narcissistic, crazy fucking mom, I can get through anything with this tool. So how did manipulation and that art that you got very skilled at take you through early twenties?

My main form of manipulation was people pleasing, telling people yes when I meant no, saying I liked a certain food when I didn't care for it. Even in, like, dating a guy would be like, oh, you know, I'm obsessed with baseball. I love baseball. I'd be like, I love baseball too. It's my favorite sport.

And then would you research all the baseball players, cover yourself.

Exactly, exactly. And then I, then I. Then it could get in deep because now, like, now I'm stuck going to like his games. Not like, you know, not like the Red Sox, but like going to like his games. And I'm bored to shit. But I love baseball. I've even bought jerseys. I mean, I went the distance with it, so mine showed up as more of people pleasing and becoming a chameleon. Whatever you needed me to be in order to like me, in order for me to feel safe and accepted and for you to keep me around, I made sure I became that.

So what that does then, as you know very well, is like you don't even know who the fuck you are every day you wake up and because you don't know which Tiffany, which mask she's wearing today, when did you realize? When did you wake up one day and this no longer like it was. You were able to people please and get through. But when did the soul feel empty? Completely empty? Like, I don't know if I can keep doing this. And you know, I know. When did you end up in the news industry? Was it right?

That was in my early 20s and.

I felt like a fraud. Don't get me wrong, I felt like a fraud, but I didn't know any other way.

What a perfect career for you. Like, oh, yeah, hi, I'm Tiffany Carter. Ktlr, whatever the hell you're saying.

And there was, you know, and there's a script. So you just have to read a script and sound confident, which I taught myself how to sound confident, everyone would say, even from a very young age. Because, you know, I was doing like those car show modeling gigs at 11 very age inappropriate things, or my mom faked a worker's permit, stuff like that. So I learned also how to act older and more mature to the point where I like, I even overheard a drink that older people drank, which was a 7 and 7, which is like, that's a very mature, like cocktail. It's not like really popular now. So, you know, people who are in their early 20s, it's like, oh, like, what do you like to drink? Like that's a normal thing to ask. Like, oh, seven and seven on the rocks of the lime. And then of course that's what I started drinking. But it's like I had it. I really, I had it down. But to answer your question on when it felt soul sucking, if I really look back, it really felt soul sucking starting in my 20s, but I didn't know there was another way. I just felt like life was soul sucking. So then I just started to fill myself with forms of dissociation through any kind of drug. I was, well, most drugs I was willing to try drinking. I'm not a substance addict. If I was, I'd be like dead in a pile of cocaine somewhere. Without a doubt. I just. Shopping, men.

Work, exercise, you name it, binge eating, all, all of the things. And I just kept filling, just distracting myself. Distraction, distraction, distraction, more, more, more, more. And I had a lot of suicidal ideation, meaning I don't think I was ever going to do it at that point. That came later. But I was like, God, life is really hard. I don't want to keep going like this. I didn't know there was another way, if that makes sense.

So.

Yes, it does make sense, very much. And when do you realize that you've got one of two choices? Because going on like this just seems impossible, right? But there has to be another way, right? Otherwise everybody would feel like you feel. And you didn't. You knew that nobody felt like you felt because we feel so unique, right? In this whole thing. So it's a sneaky thing about addiction is we were so self absorbed to think we're the only one that has ever felt like this in the whole world. Because we've stuffed down feelings for decades that like, of course we're going to feel like that. So when you come to that fork in the road, right, where it's either I, you know, take myself out or I just. There has to be an end to this in some form or I seek out a different way. What does that moment look like for you?

It was about five and a half years ago on my birthday. And from being in the pharmaceutical industry and many of my friends, contacts, colleagues are physicians, I access to every possible drug, prescription drug and illegal drug that you could imagine and knew how to use them for good and bad. So I already had the drug cocktail. I had a plan. I for sure was, that was happening. And.

I remember having a conversation. I did not believe in God. I believed in the universe. I thought God, you know, abandoned me. So I did believe in something greater than myself, which is a gift, thank God. Oh yeah, because I was studying like things like the secret law of attraction for quite some time. And keep in mind, you guys, this is, I was going to off myself and I had many years of therapy, intensive group therapy, intensive trauma therapy, art therapy, equine therapy, I mean, all the, all that stuff. And that wasn't, that wasn't enough. But I remember where I was in my, you know, in my luxury Los Angeles condo. And I remember I looked up and I'm like, this is it. You give me one. You have one last shot before I do this. So either you intervene universe, or I'm done. And I can't tell you how I got there or what happened. I truly don't remember. But I ended up in a Recovery room meeting for people who are adults of being in, you know, dysfunctional families. Like there is an actual 12 step program for like people like me or like Tracy, how we grew up. There's an actual 12 step group for it. You know, just like you guys hear about like AA and stuff like that. And I ended up in one of those rooms where I for the first time was like, oh my God, it's not just me. There's an actual program around it and a fucking book.

Amazing, right?

And I was shocked. I just kept hearing story after story. And I was in a daze, as you can imagine. I mean, no, no drugs. I was in a daze without drugs. And I don't even. Like I said, I don't remember how I drove there. I don't remember driving home. And I just kept hearing story after story. And it was like someone was in my head and knew my stories. And then they read some literature and I was like. And then they started talking about like how we've learned, you know, manipulation and people pleasing as a form of survival. And it made me feel validated enough and like I wasn't alone. And that saved my, that saved my life last night. That night.

And what led up to this, like the part of this story that we haven't really touched on, we probably will do another episode, another day just on this. But she had already made a couple million bucks at this point. She was rolling in it. And because of that low self worth. Was it within like six months you lost all of it?

Yeah. By the time I was 30, I had a solid million in the bank. Like this full seven figures, cash in the bank. I remember when I hit that and I saw that like in my statement. That's when like paper statements are much more common then. And I went, I never celebrated myself, right, because there was always another level to hit. And I remember going, wow, that's insane. And then I instantly got a pit in my stomach of discomfort. Was actually within three months almost all of it was gone.

And there was really only one person to blame. I couldn't really blame on other people. I mean, there's something weird that happens when you start making a lot of money that vultures can smell it. And I wasn't even a showy person. Like I had nice shit, don't get me wrong. But I still lived below my means in that way and people could just smell it. And I was a codependent people pleaser. So I was writing check after check after check. I let someone move into my house that I didn't know for very long. And I was writing him, I'm talking $35,000 checks, $45,000 checks, and then a very respected, who's still a friend of mine today, physician, you know, I told him, you know, I have a lot of money, I don't really know what to do with it. He referred me to his financial guy. I had a meeting with the financial guy. Something felt off, but I didn't listen to it because who was I? I was a piece of shit. I'm an idiot, I'm a fraud. What do I know, you know? And this person I highly respected as a successful physician, he knows more than me. So I signed on the dotted line and that guy invested my money in, you know, basically decrepit, almost empty gold mines and you know, all over the world. And that's where the rest of the money went. But I signed on the dotted line, I didn't read one word. And then, you know, with finance stuff, you guys, or real estate or any of that, you know, there's a lot of pages. I mean there was like 40 or 60 pages. I didn't read one word.

I. Because I was an idiot. And who am I, right? And everyone else must know better than me because I'm an idiot. I just thought I made this money just by chance.

A fluke.

It was a fluke, right?

So I remember the very first experience I had in a 12 step room. I was 28 years old, my daughter was 4. And I had exactly the same thing. This out of body experience, like, what the actual fuck. These people know my life story. And I remember being curled up in the fetal position, not able to breathe, sobbing uncontrollably, controllably. And you know, after that is still kind of a fog. And for the next 12 years I would, you know, three steps forward, four back, three forward, four back for the next 12 years. So after you leave that meeting, it didn't take you that long to get into gear. Do you remember the day after that first meeting, what you did?

I went to another meeting. I listened to. They said in the meeting, like basically.

Your thinking and your upbringing got you to this rock bottom place. So you probably shouldn't use that same thinking and decision making. That's not going to get you out of it. So I actually, what did I have to lose? I was going to kill myself. So I put 100% trust in that program and I followed it to a T, to where I put that as a priority. I took my income. When I say way down, I'm Talking. I was making 10% of what I was making before in order to focus 100% of my life on recovery.

And you guys that are listening right now, I know Tiffany hears this a lot. And I hear this all the time, like, I want to change my life. I want this. I need to do this. And what I find so many people do. And I did exactly the same Tiff. The same thing that Tiffany did. I wiped out my entire network, took my income down to zero to focus 100% because I needed to wipe out my hard drive like Tiffany did, because my hard wiring was to do things that weren't good for me, but only to survive. And literally to that ground zero moment. Does everybody have to do that? No, but you have to get really fucking uncomfortable if you really want to make a change that is sustainable for the long haul. And I know for you, like, you knew that you were going to go the distance, and you started one step in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, building it back up, building your self worth back up so that net worth would grow and grow and you would keep it and it would be sustainable. And I know that was five, little over five years ago now because your birthday's in September. She's a Virgo, y'. All. And.

Like, what a. Like, what a beautiful birthday. Like to have your birthday and your rebirth day the same day. Like, my. I celebrate my rebirth days in September as well. So, like, that is the most important day, you know, not the day I was born, but, you know, so for the last five years, you know, I've known you one of those now, so a fifth of that time. And what I've seen you. The growth I've seen in you, even in a year is amazing. So what do you think it is about that once you got a taste of recovery, you know, and you and I both know the statistics of recovery and relapse. And you know how many people go back and do what they've always been conditioned to do, even after years? I mean, I've seen people after decades go back to old behaviors. What do you think it is about you. Your willingness every day to show up and do your work first before you can show up for the world?

I know that my life depends on it, and I have experienced enough years of living the other way. And I was so miserable. I was a walking zombie. There was no quality of life, although it appeared that way on the outside. So you guys keep that in mind when you're scrolling social media, okay? Because some people aren't just doing it to be fake on purpose. That's all they know. And I. And if there was Instagram back then, oh, my God, can you imagine my Instagram account back then? I would have been like. I would have been. So. First off, I'd be incarcerated.

Let's be real about it. I would be for sure incarcerated. Oh, my God. Thank God. But I know that I never want to go back to how I was.

So in order to not go back to how I was, I have to keep putting my recovery, my serenity, my core values. That has to be number one priority. Not just every day, every minute of the fucking day. But I did relapse, girl. I relapsed. And they say that. I'm sure you've heard that term. And it's all 12 steps. It's not just, you know, Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous where they say, like, relapse is part of recovery. It really is. I relapsed. I think it was a year in. I had someone in my life who was. I was very close to, who's very toxic and is someone who, who knows, might not ever get well. And I was heavily influenced by this person because I was, you know, still a co. Codependent, right? I mean, only a year in. And it was one of her, like, biggest birthdays. And I did whatever she wanted because it was her birthday. And my disease told me because this is a very special birthday, it's okay. Well, doesn't that sound familiar to what, like, alcoholics say, oh, well, New Year's Eve, let's have a glass. You're right. I can just have a few sips of champagne. It's New Year's Eve, right? It's no different with the disease that I have of codependency, right? So it's just a person is my drug, right? And it was a party on top of a mountain at a huge mansion in malibu with top DJs, top cocaine, top everything. And all. Everything I had done all went out the window. I was out of control, and I was a disaster the next day. And then I avoided going to meetings, I avoided my sponsor. I avoided other, you know, people in my program because I was so ashamed. And thank God that they didn't let me get away with it.

Thank God.

But I avoided them for a solid week of pure isolation. And Ben and Jerry's, that what you.

Just said is so important because when people take these social media detoxes or hiatuses, a lot of that I believe, and I'm not judging it Because I get it. It's. I think they've gone down a dark path sometimes. And it's the easier way to say I'm in a shit show of my life right now. And it's a lot easier to just say I'm doing it, this, this social media detox, then to show up. And you know, what you just said is so powerful. That alone. Because I know if I decided to drink today, it would be a week before I would be dead because of the shame. Not necessarily would I drink myself into oblivion because I don't know that. But I know the shame and the level of isolation I would go to would put me in a grave very quickly. And that alone, you know, something I heard in recovery and it's all recovery, not just for alcohol, eating disorder. Like all the things is anything you put in front of your recovery, you're going to lose. Anything you put in front of it, you're going to lose anyway. And.

That has been ingrained in my head the last seven and a half years that even on the days where I want to like justify it, like, oh, but I've got, you know, I'm this person who helps people, people. And that's a slippery slope too. We can get addicted to helping people. That's codependency. A lot of these coaches out there, your coach out there that believe that maybe you're going to heal yourself through bypassing your own crap and helping other people. It does not work that way. And if you don't put your kind of recovery, whatever that, I think we're all recovering from something, let me tell you, you are. Even if you had a great childhood, you got some fucking recovery under your belt. Anything you put in front of that, it's just a matter of time before it's going to try and take you out. So you have that relapse. Thank God the people that you had in your life wouldn't let you do that. And you come out of the shame.

With your tail between your legs. And I know that you've always wanted to do some kind of coaching. I know it's been a project in your heart and in your soul for the last decade, but it was only about a year and a half ago that Project Me with Tiffany was born. And when was that moment, like, I know your other business that, you know, you're still in the pharmaceutical industry doing marketing for those high level companies and it's an amazing business.

But putting your name on a brand and a business is a whole different ballgame. Especially as somebody in recovery, I know, like, it's way easier to, like, put your name behind something when you're not on the front line. But I often say, like, to become bulletproof, you have to stand on the front line of your fucking life and take the hits. And especially when you are the brand. Holy shit, do the hits come? And so what was it about a year and a half to two years ago that Project Me with Tiffany is going to be birthed?

I had developed a relationship with a God of my understanding by doing that recovery work and a deeper relationship with my contact, you know, with the universe, law of attraction, angels, all the things. So I have learned to. I do believe we're being divinely guided, and I've learned to trust that guidance versus the own craziness in my mind. And I had the name Project Me with Tiffany Carter. The reason Project Me, which is funny, it was long before recovery Project Me was when I was recovering from having spine surgery, emergency spine surgery, from being an exercise addict and rupturing my disc and kickboxing. Thank you. After probably drinking all night at a rave.

I used to wear sunglasses. You guys in kickboxing, I think we.

Probably would have beat the shit out of each other.

We would have killed each other. Oh, my God.

I can laugh about it now. I mean, it was like, God, people must have been like, this chick's a piece of work. And I didn't even. I was so numb, I didn't care. Oh, my God. But, yeah, it's like I was recovering from spine surgery the first time I was forced to really stop in my life. I was on bed rest for six weeks. I had no choice but, you know, and. But to, like, lay there. And I came up with that idea because I knew that if you didn't put yourself first, nothing else mattered. But isn't it funny that I thought that yet I didn't really live that. So there was some part of me that knew that wasn't in integrity. There was some part of me maybe I didn't know, maybe God knew it wasn't in integrity. And I really did turn it over on. When the right time is ready for me to do this, I'm trusting it'll be clear and I'll get the clear signs. And it just got louder and louder in my head. It's time. It's time. And then I started making up stories like I've shared on my podcast, you know, like, well, I have to get, like, a brand new imac in order to start a personal brand, because I'm Watching, like, you know, I was watching, like, all these people who are doing it online. And, like, they all had, like, you know, the nice, like, fancy laptop.

And. Oh, even doing this podcast, I've come up with every freaking excuse. Like, I gotta get the audio right and I can't have a cough. And, you know, and two months later, it's like, okay, shut the fuck up.

Exactly. And I'm looking at the screen of the imac. That was $5,500. Cause I bought the top of the line one. I've used it three times. It's for sale, by the way, if anyone wants it. And I'm doing this podcast right now using my Mac MacBook from 2014.

I love it.

So I just started coming up with all sorts of things. My other thing was from having a health crisis is that I was the heaviest I ever was in my life. And from watching again, people on social media, having personal brands, they were all bobbleheads, at least the ones I saw. You know, like, they were all really skinny, had abs, tan, long, blonde, extended. And I was like, well, no one's gonna listen to me. I'm a fat ass. That's really what I was saying to myself. And I was like, so I can't do it yet, because until I lose weight. And that became a thing. But the voice got so loud and the signs got so strong that they were undeniable, that it was like, okay, Tiffany, if something, God forbid, happened to me, because like I said, I had a health crisis, if I died or something happened where I wasn't physically able to fulfill this dream I've had in my heart for all these years, would I be upset? Would I regret it? And the answer was undoubtedly, like, yes. And then it's like, all right, then you've got to just do the damn thing.

I coach people, too. And, you know, I think the very thing, and I know that you will totally understand and relate to this, that for decades, the things that I thought disqualified me from doing anything good to help people, all those things like, grew up in an alcoholic home, became an addict, was the master manipulator, could bullshit anyone. All the things, you know, assault, sexual abuse, like, all the things that I thought disqualified me are the very things that actually qualify, qualified me when I was able to do the healing around it. And, you know, looking back, I'm sure that you can say this, that even though there were really awful hard times for you and me and our little girls that still live inside of us, that without all those things, we aren't who we are today and we wouldn't be able to show up the way we do for the people that we do today. Does it make it any easier? Absolutely not. Does it mean that we're not reminded and have to use our own toolbox to stop the crazy train that's in our heads from time to time? Absolutely. But I know that you know that every part of our story matters for something. And I remember as a little girl at 9 years old, 10 years old, when I first saw Oprah for the first time, before she was the Oprah that everybody knew. Like, I heard her talk about her sexual abuse. And I remember looking her at 10 years old and knowing that if that could matter for something bigger in her life than all this stuff, that I don't understand why it's happening in mine was going to matter for something. Granted, it took another three decades for me to figure out how. So a year and a half ago, you figured out how all this stuff that you had been through was going to help other women specifically. And project me is born. And what I've witnessed you do, you know, you talk about money mindset and business and the passive income posse and all those are really fucking important things that give people freedom and time and choices and all the things. But at the core of what you do, like, you have this X ray vision. And I think people that really are committed to their own recovery.

Can do that so quickly and so beautifully and with such elegance that, like, you do.

What do you think today in what you do is your secret sauce to why I mean, people, the way people are drawn to you, I think it's because you're real as fuck. First of all, like, there's no filter. You show up with coconut oil on your face, like on interviews. You don't give a shit. Like, no fucks given hashtag, like, that is you. And it comes from a place of a posture that you are good with. Who Tiffany is today, where no fucks given for Tracy and Tiffany a decade ago was like, stay the fuck away from me. No fucks given meant there's this huge wall in front of me that you're never going to penetrate. The no fucks given Tracy and Tiffany of today is like, this is me beautifully, wonderfully made, a hot mess expressed some days. Yet all that stuff that we've been through is actually what qualifies us to help you. And what do you wake up excited to do? Because I know that you have said very candidly on your Instagram stories and on your podcast that most Days you don't feel like doing shit.

Yep.

But you show up.

I show up anyway. I've never been someone, even on Christmas morning. I was never the kid who popped out of bed. And I'm. I'm just not that person, you know? You know how people say, like, when you find something that you love, like, it never seems like work? That's bullshit. It just is. I know people who are actors. I know musicians and that live by me that were, like, very famous, you know, like in the 80s and stuff. That shit's work. They don't even feel like going to work a lot of the times. And here they have people flying them in private jets and they're being catered to, you know, it's. I don't always feel like it. I don't always feel good. But I show up anyway. What makes me show up is to be of service for my greater vision, my greater vision of helping all of you. That's what makes me show up. I literally picture in my head my ideal clients, my ideal people I want to serve. And maybe they need to hear what I have to say today. I also believe when we feel kind of shitty, whatever we're feeling, we could have a great day, kind of a mundane day. I share all of it because someone needs to see that you can be successful. And not every day is 100%. I'm not shitting rainbows every day. I shit rainbows maybe once every two weeks.

And like, you said this the other day on your Instagram stories. I was laughing because it's so freaking true. Like, it ain't all Bali and butterflies, y'. All. It isn't. And it's messy, and, you know, people let us down, and people don't follow through, and we make bad decisions from time to time, and sometimes we just want to be a brat. We want to be that bratty kid that it's like, why me? Why is the world happening to me? And, you know, thank goodness for the work you do. Not just on yourself first, but because of your commitment and willingness and honesty and openness to do that with yourself first. The way that you show up for the world is such a gift.

So why should people work with you? Do you think? Why? Why do you think it's important to have a Tiffany Carter in your life? I know why it's important for me to have a Tiffany Carter in my life. But, like, it's the greatest gift I've ever been given, to be honest with you, is having you in my life. I could get so emotional Just thinking about it, like, seriously, like, what a fucking gift you are. Like, you taught me what it meant to be a friend and you taught me what it meant to be.

Like, loved, quite honestly, just without conditions for the first time in my life, like, quite honestly. So I know how important it is for me to have a Tiffany Carter in my life. But for the people that are listening that I know love me and they're falling in love with you, the more we talk, why do they need a Tiffany Carter in their life?

You guys, I never had a Tracy o'. Malley. I never even had a Tiffany Carter because I was disconnected from myself. I didn't have anybody in my corner. We all need to have someone in our corner. Whether it's someone who you are paying or someone you are not paying. I recommend both. Same someone who is in your corner that has your vision at heart, your best interest at heart, and someone who can help uncover that best part of you on what your secret sauce is and so that you can do your greatest good with it. I didn't have that. And also, even when I could have had it, I still went about it all on my own because I thought I had to. I thought that meant I had something to prove. And it wasn't until I allowed to have some people in my corner where I really flourished. And sometimes it's just about someone seeing things in yourself that you don't see or how in the hell you can actually monetize your gifts while serving the greatest good. Sometimes it's as simple. Simple as that. And you deserve to have that for yourself. It took me a long time to believe I deserve to have it, whether I paid for it or not. It took me a long time to realize that.

What is out there for people. There are Tracy's, there are Tiffany's out there, but there's also a lot of people, people who don't have your best interest at heart. So what I want to speak to that is because you guys know I told the story earlier. I didn't trust my instincts and look what happened.

Sit with yourself and pause and see how your body feels when you're talking to someone. Whether it's a friend, it's a boss, it's a job interview you're talking to, to a coach, whatever it is, a fitness trainer. How does your body feel? Does this person make you feel anxious? Less than weird, kind of like creepy bad vibes? Or do they make you feel like excited and empowered or calm or at peace or nurtured? If someone had fucking taught and Told me that it would have saved me. I mean, years off my life and lots of gray hair. I mean, for good Lord, I never knew that. I only listened to things above my neck. I was so detached from my body. And our bodies never lie, do they?

Never.

You know, it's one of the things that Tiffany and I have in common, that neither one of us necessarily need to be doing what we are doing today. We really don't. And I know that we what? Even on the days where she just doesn't fucking feel like it. And I know the days that I don't fucking feel like it. I remember back to that part of me that would have died for me back then when I was 28 and walked into that first adult child meeting and not understanding what any of this meant or what to do with it. Like I would have died for me and my life at 28 years old. And so that even on days I don't feel like it, like that is what gets me out of bed. It's all for all the little Tiffys and little Tracy's out there that really needed somebody in their corner without an agenda, without their own bullshit attached to it. So I personally thank you for the work you do in the world. I binge listen to her podcast, Project Me with Tiffany. You must listen. She's funny as hell and she talks about all the things like celery juice making her shit her pants and maybe we'll even hear Mol her cute bulldog snore from time to time. And you know, you follow her on Instagram @projectmewithtiffani. And I know that what we shared today, if it landed on your heart, it would mean a lot to us to know, like what part of it did you know? I think we just kind of go on instincts and what we would have wanted to hear back in those days. So we would love for you to tag us, tag me and Tiffany on your Instagram stories or Instagram posts so we can keep bringing more of what you actually need to the world. And if people want to work with you or follow you, where is the best place for them to do that?

The best place to reach me, you guys, is on Instagram. Project Me with Tiffany. I'm in my DMs every single day, seven days a week, two hours every single day. That's my way of being of service, but it's also my way of getting to know you guys better. A lot of people don't believe me when they hear I say this on a show. And so then they DM me and they're shocked when I reply.

It's 100% true.

Just. Yeah, just. Just try. Try it out. You know, Try it out. And I would say this also. If you feel this episode is gonna resonate with someone you care about, someone special in your life, you know, send them the episode. Because sometimes what people need has to come from other people in our lives. Like, I've had people send me books that I wasn't even that close to. Like, the Big Leap. One of my favorite personal development books that didn't come from a coach.

That came from someone I didn't even know very well. So sometimes, you know, if you have an inkling to, like, share this or share, take a screenshot and share it, you know, on social media, just follow that instinct. So it's there for a reason, you know?

100. It's so funny that you say that. My favorite personal development book came when I was the narcissistic asshole in the office in my corporate life, like, nine years ago. And the director of marketing dropped it on my desk, and I picked up the book. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I threw it in my desk. And three years later, I had a year and a half of. No, two years of sobriety. It was the September of 2014, and I was cleaning out the house I was living in and my box from my desk when I left my corporate job before rehab was sitting there. And I picked up that book, and it had a pile of dust on it, and I brushed it off. And it's funny when you look at things from a different perspective, how they can change. And you never know what this episode might do for somebody that you care about. Like that book did for me. Like that book, the Big Leap for From a Stranger or Somebody she didn't know that well, did for Tiffany. And so, like she said, if this.

Honor, that pull that you feel to share things, that might bless the socks off somebody else. So, my dear friend, I'm so grateful I get to talk to you every day, but this was very special. Thank you for being part of my life. And my very first interview, I was nervous as hell and just bring in the gold like you always do.

Thank you for having me on. I'm so honored to be your first.

You popped the cherry.

I certainly did, baby.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

It was great for me. I love it.

I loved it, too. I love you. Thanks so much.

Love you. You're welcome, babe. Bye, guys.

Bye, guys. Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to break bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let let's Become Bulletproof.