05: The bucket approach to finding success with Rob Murgatroyd

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. My guest today is one of my absolute favorite humans in the entire world. And if you know me at all, you know I don't throw that around lightly. I don't like many people. So.

Rob Murgatroyd is hands down one of my. Like when he's in the room, I just get giddy with excitement. One of my favorite things to do is just watching Rob in a room, the way that he just observes it, the way that I can see the wheels turning in his head and especially for in an entrepreneur environment, I know that he is just going to lay down some awesome questions that maybe people haven't even thought of or that, you know, we all want to know. And he asked them in such a freaking beautiful way that just being around him makes me excited. Not to mention he has great hair and I just kind of stare at it. It's amazing. You know, we're about the same age. So I think that in this entrepreneur land where there's, you know, lots of 20 somethings and we're not knocking it, we were them once and we would probably both say that you guys have a lot more wisdom than we did in our 20s, that's for sure. But you know, I think there's something about us being in our 50 ish range that when we're sitting in a room of younger folk that we have so much excitement watching you and we learn from you and we love that you also are willing to learn from us. And so Rob is an entrepreneur. He used to be a chiropractor for. Was it 25 years? I think it was. And we're going to get into his whole story. He walked away from a very successful practice. It's coming on a year. Wasn't it, like, December 31st this week? It'll be a year, right?

This week is just about the week. I mean, December 31st was the hard out date that I gave myself, but this week was the week where it all just basically unraveled.

Wow. So we're going to get into a bunch of his story because, I mean, we could literally talk for hours and hours and hours, but he grew up in Queens and he says on the wrong side of the tracks, which is a huge part of this story. He's been married twice. He's currently married to the love of his life. He's got two daughters almost two decades apart, which is amazing.

He's got a very successful podcast. And if you know me at all, I've got about five that I binge listen to, and Rob's is absolutely top on that list. You also know, if you listen to me at all, you know my love of Howard Stern and how much I've learned from him the last 30 years. And Rob, next to Howard Stern, is the best interview I've ever heard in my life. So if you are not listening to the Work Hard, Play Hard podcast, you must and you will enjoy every single interview, even if you have no idea who the guest is. And on Fridays, he does mini episodes with his wife, Kim, which are amazing. They're hilarious. He also has the Work Hard, Play Hard Mastermind, and he also does virtual mastermind and coaching as well. But I think that as you listen to us chat about how that came about, you will probably notice that if you're either the extreme Play Hard person or the extreme Work hard person, that you're going to find so much value in this conversation. And just all the beautiful wisdom that Rob brings to any conversation, whether it's over a cup of coffee in a coffee house, just you and him, or whether it's on a microphone right here, right now for millions of people to listen to. So, Rob, thanks for joining me today.

Listen, we can go home now. Like, what else do we need? Like, that was like, I'm afraid that we're going to screw this up now because I'm flying on cloud nine with that interview. Thank you. I feel the same way. And right back at you. And I hope anybody who likes this episode will go back and listen to the reverse of this episode where I interviewed you. And might I say, young lady, I've interviewed a lot of people, and your episode was in the. The top five. I don't know what the number was. Maybe three or four most downloaded episodes of 20 freaking 19. Considering that I did 100 of those last year, that's saying a lot about you.

Well, and you had some pretty.

Pretty big deal people, too, so.

I did. I mean.

You were neck and neck with the guy who created Everybody Loves Raymond television show and the. The hostage negotiator, Chris Voss. Like, those are some big boys, and you were right. Nestled between them.

Nothing I like better than playing with the boys, that's for sure. So when I first, like, I knew who you were, but I met you at the beginning, like, officially, like, got that experience of Rob Murgatroyd at the beginning of 2018, when we met in our friend Chris's Mastermind. And I knew the minute I met you that, oh, my gosh, this person is going to be my friend for life.

And the more that we talked, the more that we realized how much we had in common. You know, you grew up in New York, I grew up in Chicago. But other than location, there were a lot of similarities to how we grew up. And, you know, you know me. Like, I believe that most of how we operate moving forward in our life comes from that first 10 years of our life. Right. And I believe we're born a certain way, and then those first 10 years dictate how it's expressed. Right. So those first 10 years of Rob's life. I know that you have three brothers, right?

I do. An older one and a younger one.

Oh, so there's three of you?

There's three in total, yes.

Got it. I thought you had three brothers. And then mom and dad.

And then mom and dad. But if you count the ones that nobody talks about, there's two more.

Oh, you got one of those.

It's like there's an extra Beetle. You know what I mean? There's two more. My mother was married once before. Now, you have to remember, my parents are married now. Well, my dad's passed a couple years ago, but.

God, let's see. I am 53. So they got married, I think, the year I was born, maybe a year before. So they've been married a long time. But my mother had a child from a previous marriage who grew up in my family. That's my brother Anthony. And my father had two children, a boy and a girl, before he married my mom.

And.

You know, they obviously are my step.

Siblings, stepbrother and sister, but we didn't have a lot of contact with them. It was like, as a kid, it was weird. Like, you know, like every three years we get in the car to see, you know, the stepbrother and sister and like, was weird for me. It was weird for them. And then it turns out that she's a lesbian. I mean, it was weird. She's married to like this now. She's been living with this woman and they have two kids. And it was, it was a mess, Tracy.

And like, nobody knows what to say or.

It was awkward. It was weird. And you know, it was just, it was, it wasn't good. But you know, I mean, you know, things come full circle because, you know, when my dad passed, I mean, you know, they're at the funeral and you know, so it really makes you look at life and the things that happen in life and you know, the path that, that I was on. But anyway, to answer that question, there's, there's really only an older one and a younger one. The other two were just, you know.

Yeah, yeah, like pack up the car, make our visit kind of thing.

That was it. No. No relationship.

So on the other side of the tracks in Queens, what did you, as a young lad, looking at the other side of the tracks that you so badly wanted to be on for whatever reason that was? I mean, I think that we always look outside of our lives as children and think that it's especially growing up the way that you and I both did in a pretty dysfunctional environment that's volatile, violent eggshell kind of walking environment. And we look at the other side. What was it about the other side that you wanted so bad as a kid?

Well, I mean, I guess there's a couple of different ways to look at it. You know, the one way was what did I think I want at that time? And then, you know, the other way is what, what looking back as a 50 year old man was I searching for? And I think, I think the first part of that question is I just wanted to survive. I mean, it was, you know, I had, you know, just to give your listeners just a quick, high level view. My dad was a truck driver. He went, he got up at, you know, four or five in the morning, jumped on the truck, worked all day. At the end of the day, he'd go to the bar, get hammered, come home, beat us, and him and my mom would just fight all night long, which usually led to somebody throwing some plate against the wall and breaking and, you know, me and my two brothers just hiding in the bedroom, hoping that we didn't get beat that night. It was a, it was a, it was a really, really bad environment. So everything that I did during that period of time was to find out how I can get out of that prison. What can I do to get out of that prison? Because I'm a kid, you know, I don't. I don't have any money. I don't know. I can't just move into somebody else's house. I didn't know what to do. And so my way out of it was to go deep into the world of self development, to study.

Wayne Dyer. And Tony Robbins was just coming on the scene at that point. And.

I would do the best I could to go into a vertical dive of trying to figure out how I can make sense of what was happening in my head. And that's how I. That's how I did that. And then the other part of it was I had an interesting. Had an interesting situation. And what I mean by on the other side of the tracks is, you know, things in New York change probably the same as, like, Chicago from block to block. I mean, one block is rich, one block is poor. It's a weird thing, you know, it's not like, you know, a neighborhood where everybody's just like, yeah, one wrong turn and you're fucked. One wrong turn and you're fucked. Exactly. So I was on the borderline of.

Of Forest Hills. And so, like, to give you an idea, you know, one of the girls that I dated in Forest Hills lived next door to Fred Trump, Donald Trump's father. Like, that was like. It was the Donald Trump world. Like, all those, like, super very, like, I can give you a million names like that. That was super, super wealthy. And then I was in, like, the tenements that was like a block away. That was in, you know, apartment buildings with the, with the, with, with the firemen, the policemen, the UPS drivers. Like, all the blue collar guys was in my world, so, like, you know, they'd all go get hammered, come home, they were drunk. And like, there was this weird Irish, Italian drunk world. And then just on the other side of the tracks was all the wealthy Jewish people. And so I.

Wanted nothing more to be in that world. But, you know, everything in New York, you know, I guess as most schools, you're zoned for certain schools. So, like, I, I wanted to be in that school district. I wanted to be in that world. Like, do you know Jonathan Favreau? Mm. Okay. So Jonathan Favreau was a friend of mine because he's from Forest Hills, and we hung out in the same circles, and I just, like, I wanted to be with him going to Forest Hills High School, but I couldn't. I had to go to the other One. So what I did was I said, okay, is there any way I can get myself, like, out of being zoned for this world? And so I applied to the Fame School. The high school. I don't know if you knew this. The high school. Yeah, the High School of Performing Arts. So that's where I went. It's funny, my friend Darren said, I told him one night we were having said they were having a conversation late at night. He slammed his hands on the table and he goes, that all makes sense now.

It does. The hair. Like the hair. And all of a sudden, full circle makes sense.

So that's the. That's the shorter story of how I viewed it.

So. And there's so much about that that is still you today. That constant student, that constant learner, the understanding. Like, I know that I actually sent you this book because I thought of you when I read it. Ironically, he. His biggest influence, Alex Banyan, the Third Door, was Tim Ferriss as well, which is like, that Four Hour Workweek was like, the most influential book for you in the early days. But, like, with him, like, he has a mind like yours a little bit, even though he's decades younger than you and I. But, like, he wanted to know, like, the way in to that. The way in. Like, there's, you know, the long line that most people take. There's the. The elite people that have the vip, but then there's this other way. And that's how I would describe you. That's why that book resonated so much for me. For you was because that's how you operate in your life. Like, you really want to, even with the way that you travel. And like, you don't just travel to lay your ass on a beach. You travel to get to know the culture, the people, the way they work, the way they talk, the way they raised families, you know, all the things, right? And, you know, as a kid and wanting to figure out a way to get in there, the other side of what people were doing. I. One of my favorite conversations with you had to do with Harvard and your desire to go there. And you thought that if you just went to Harvard or one of those elite schools, like, that was the way.

Can I tell you, I just got triggered again? I just did an interview with a guy right before I did this interview with you, and he said, well, I gave a talk at Harvard recently, and I felt it bubbling up inside of me. All of the insecurities of my past came up. So, you know, so two things. One, Alex Banion, thank you for the book. I ultimately wound up doing an interview with him and it was great. He's super interesting guy and he just looks at things very similar to the way that I look at things. So you're right, there's a definite connection there. But with Harv, yeah, Harvard was, it represented, it was everything that I didn't have. You know, like, I made a fantasy in my head and the fantasy, and it doesn't even matter how many people I've met from Harvard who are telling me that it's not true. Like, I had dinner the other night with somebody just graduated from Yale and I said, I just, I have this vision that, you know, you're all on the sailboat, you got your Lacoste, your alligator shirt, your collars up, and you know, your, your grandma is watching you sail through the sound. And you know, you're just from this blue blooded family with values and, you know, you're at the pinnacle of the best of the best of education and when you get out and you could say, I'm from Harvard. And so I just made this fantasy up in my head of what Harvard was and everything I wanted it to be. And I still wear, I got a Harvard sweatshirt and I still wear that Harvard sweatshirt at night. And I feel good when I put it on.

I know you do. Heck yeah, you do. And it's so funny that you say that, because when I think about, there was this one girl in my high school that, like, she was a, you know, Junior Olympian in swimming. She was always Dean's list, always super smart. Everybody loved her. Like, you ask anybody about this girl and nobody could ever say anything bad about her. She never talks shit about anybody. She's amazing. And then of course, she goes to Yale, right? And she's, you know, a national swimmer, Olympian, goes to run triathlons. Like, she's a professional triathlete, won it in 2004. You know, Mary's a triathlete because she's a triathlete. She starts developing this clothing line for triathletes that she's the first women's athletic skirt, right? We see them all today. But she was the first women's athletic skirt, even before Nike. And, you know, she's got her business called Skirt Sports. And she contacted me about two years ago, she wanted me on her podcast, right? And I of course, like, you with Harvard, me with her and Yale and all the things. Like, because I would look at her, I'm like, she has no idea what my life's like now back in high School, when I was dealing with a lot of the same shit that you were every day. And she's like, I got to tell you, like, she. She's an alcoholic, you know, in recovery as well. I'm like, well, look at that. And after Yale, graduating with honors, she went to be a waitress for a while. And she goes, you know, it's all like smoke and mirror sometimes. And you know, you see the glory, but you don't always know the story.

It's true. I did an interview with a mutual friend. You and I haven't talked about this before, but Tiffany. I don't know her last name.

My best friend, Tiffany Carter.

Tiffany Carter. I did an interview with her and you know, she comes from sort of that blue blooded, super wealthy family, but it was, you know, she'll be the first want to share it, that it was an absolute disaster. It was a shit show. So a lot of times the illusions. But here's the crazy thing, Tracy. The crazy thing is I know, I know intellectually that so much of it is bullshit, right? This fantasy that I made up in my head. But it doesn't change this kid wiring that I have that I just. I still want to be from there and I still want this, you know, I still want the fantasy of what the family would have been like and what it could be like. So I work really, really hard to not overcorrect and overcompensate for it in my own family. I think I've done that before, but now I'm trying to just raise. I don't use the word normal, but I'm trying to be simple and raise my children. To.

Not come from this place of desperation and trauma and all that comes with it. People say to me all the time, I can't believe how normal you are coming, you know, coming from that environment. Like, I'm not fucking. You should, you know, the fucking shit show that I have at the Three Ring Circus that's going on in my head, that I battle on an everyday basis. You know, I got to get up and meditate, journal and pray and work out, you know what I mean? Like, I got 18 things I need to do to be able to walk out the door, you know, to make this thing right. I mean, I. There's a lot of trauma in there.

There is. And you know, Tiffany is my closest friend, actually.

Does she live there near you?

No, she lives in Calabasas.

Oh, she's in California. Okay.

Yeah. Land of the Kardashians. But yeah, yeah, you know her. And I grew up similar, but very different. Like, same kind of thing, but like you said, like very affluent and all those things. And you know, we have both experienced moments of extreme loneliness where with her being the only like, relative and I have a shitload of like 80 immediates, right? And the loneliness is equal even though there's 80 of mine and only one of hers. So I know that these people and I know that you know that even when you're uncomfortable walking in a room, you know you belong there for a reason. And I believe, like every person that I meet is here to open up my perspective to all these things like you just said. And you know, my perspective of raising a family. I thought if I just moved 2,000 miles away and high tailed it out of Chicago that I could just like wipe the slate clean and raise kids. And then I remember looking at my four year old, I'm like, holy fuck, I don't know how to do this. But that way. And that scared the shit out of me because that's, you know, if you don't repair it, you repeat it. And so that's when my journey started. Like, how the fuck do I make this normal and not raise kids in that kind of thing? Which brings me to like the work hard, play hard. We hear that thrown around and it's, it's extremist on both ways that all or nothing, which is who you are. Even though you weren't a substance abuser like your dad, and even I know one of your Brothers has almost 30 years of recovery under his belt, you didn't use a substance. But this all or nothing thing, your 30s were spent, like, if I just learn enough and learn enough and work hard enough, I will have that. I'll be enough. Right. And then your 40s, like, fuck, I'm burnt out. Now I need to have the other end of the pendulum. And both were great experiences. But in your early 50s. And the whole premise of the working hard, playing hard podcast Mastermind brand beautiful, epic thing that you have built is about finding that sweet spot in the pendulum.

Yeah. I mean, it's about doing the best you could. Like, you know, my Instagram handle will say, I help people with work hard with, with work, life, balance. Right. But at the end of the day, you know that, that is there just really to sort of describe how we're out of balance with work and play. And I don't think that you're ever going to find complete balance. I don't think you're going to wake up and you're going to put.

Equal time into work and equal time into your family and equal time into your body. It's not going to happen. That's not the point. The point is to not completely ignore the other areas of your life outside of work. So in my particular case, I swung the pendulum where I worked all the time, got fat, got divorced, my health was affected, my relationships were affected, and it just wasn't a good time in my life.

And then I swung at the other side, and I was traveling around Saint Tropez spraying champagne and blowing money that I shouldn't have been blowing and.

Not investing the way I should have been investing and watching my business go down. And I was like, well, there's got to be some balance where I can put.

I'm so much more than just work. I'm not like a robot that wakes up and just an ATM cash machine that just produces to create income. What about all those other areas of my life that I'm interested in, like, keeping my body healthy, working on my relationships, having fun, learning guitar, learning Italian, and being an entrepreneur? How do I do it all? And I just sort of figured out that, you know, for me, I've created four simple buckets. I like visuals, and, you know, my buckets are simple. I've got a health bucket, which is mental and physical, and I've got a body bucket. I'm sorry, a business bucket, which is just basically the entrepreneurial side of me. I've got one for relationships, which are for my family, my kids, my wife, my friends, et cetera. And then I've got a play bucket. And so I just kind of, like, assign a number from 1 to 10 of where am I? And invariably, when I work with entrepreneurs, I see that their entrepreneurial bucket is they score very high on it. And if I ask them what they do for fun or play, they just. They don't know. And they're like, I don't know. I take Saturday off, but I really check my email, and there's just no momentum that's put into the other. The other personalities. And I kind of, like, look at myself metaphorically as a shapeshifter. Like, there's an alter ego that I have. There's the ego of the personality, or the ego, whatever you want to call it, of the entrepreneur. But then there's the guy that shows up in the gym that wants to show up in a certain way, and then there's the dad that wants to be a certain way with. You know, then there's the husband, and so there's all these different dimensions to who I am. And whenever I ignore one of those dimensions, I always pay the price. When I go all in on work, my workouts are affected. When I go all in on workouts, my business is affected. When I go all in on fun, my money is. And so they're all just, you know, connected. So I thought, well, what if I were to create a podcast where I interviewed people on how they're able to dominate certain areas of their buckets? Like, I just had somebody in the mental health space, and we talked about, you know, how people are really feeling disconnected and lonely because we're more online and we're more on our phone, and we're not having real connections and real conversations. And even though we're more connected, we're more lonely. So he gave me, you know, some. Some tips, tricks, and strategies on how to improve that area of my life. So the show is really about, how do you improve all the areas of your life, not just business? And then the events that I do are for people that really have trouble disconnecting and really have trouble doing it, and they know that they need to put themselves on the line, and we have some fun all around the world doing crazy stuff. So that's kind of how that. That brand evolved.

So at what point in your chiropractic career did you have this epiphany that, like, I cannot hear one more fucking person say, my back hurts. And when was. Do you remember when that happened that you're like, okay, I need to do something different?

It was a slow process. It was like, one day I was in there and I'm listening to somebody, and I hate. I hate talking about this because it's so. I don't hate talking about it. I hate how it sounds, because you don't want to be going to me as a chiropractor.

But here's the thing with that. Like, there are so many people so hating what they're doing. Not because they're not helping people or all those things, but I think it's so important if you're listening right now, specifically because you're about to say, like, I hate to say this. Is this bad that I say this, but so many people will resonate with what you're about to say and have that same, like, oh, this sounds so shitty, but this is the truth of how I was fucking feeling every single day.

All right, so here's what it went. Like. I got up in the morning feeling great, right? Did my journaling, had a cup of coffee, listened to a podcast, drove into the office. And as I'm approaching the office, I could feel the chest tightening. I could feel the anxiety going up. I know that as soon as I open that back door, that the staff is going to be waiting for me to give me all the problems that they've had in the last 30 minutes. I know that there's going to be 10 patients that are waiting in the. In the waiting room to tell me the problems that they had where they couldn't walk or they couldn't. The trouble sitting or whatever over the weekends. And I know that all of the entrepreneurial visions and dreams and all the things that I want to be working on, I'm not able to work on because I have, you know, Mr. Morty Schwartz that's in front of me telling me about his back pain. Oh, Rob, you have no idea what I went through. I don't know why he's Jewish right now, but you have no idea what I went through. It was horrible this weekend, and I can't think of anything else in my mind because the only thing I can think about is who's in front of me right now. And as an entrepreneur, you have ideas and visions of things that you want to do. It's very difficult to squeeze those things in during lunch, and it's very difficult at the end of the day when you're exhausted to start working on it. And so it was an everyday thing where I wound up resenting my day, but because I was good at it. I was. I was in it for so many years. I was making money, so I had money and hated it. And ego, right? An identity associated to what I was doing, right? And, you know, and then you start battling with your, you know, with your head. Like, you know, what do you, like, why are you biting the hand that feeds you? And why is nothing good enough for you? And why. Why. Why can't you just be happy? You're, you know, you're making a million bucks a year, like, people would kill. You're in the top 0.5% of America. Why, like, why is this, you know? But. But I knew. I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. And I was willing to not make the money in exchange for living the life that I wanted to do. So I just sat down. I was like, what I want that to look like? What time do I want to wake up? Where do I want to live? And then that just unfolded into.

What my life is now.

So as you say that, I know you and I both Hear people say to you and to me, I want what you've got. I want what you've got. Like, it must be nice. I want what you got. And it takes an insane amount of courage to. And I had to walk away from a whole identity myself at one point with no safety net. And it was scary. And it's the only way that I have. What I have today is by having that courage. And so I know a big part aside from your mastermind, but some of the coaching that you do is people that are ready to make that transition. And what do you find is the biggest. Is it the golden handcuffs that are holding people back? Is it the ego part of it? Is it the worry that they're just going to keep moving the finish line and like the what ifs? What do you think it is that people say they want it, but they're not willing to do what it takes to have it? What do you think it is?

I think it's a multitude of things. I think it just depends on who the person is and what it is that they're experiencing. But I'll tell you this. What they all have in common, here's what I can tell you. The ones who actually do it, what they have in common is they hit a threshold. They hit a point where they said, not another day. It's the same thing with people in recovery that make a decision and they say, that's it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm turning this over to a higher power right now and I am going to live for this moment and I am going to step into that and I'm going to. I'll get the help. I'll do. It's the same thing. It's just. It's people who lose weight. It's threshold. They looked in the mirror. They said, not another minute. The rest of it is just paying lip service too. It. Once you've. I think step one is getting really clear on what you want. The one thing that I do see is people will start talking about what they don't want. I don't want to live this way another minute. I don't like it. I'm unhappy. Well, what do you want? Well, I don't want a marriage like this. Well, what do you want? I don't want a job like this. Well, what do you want? I don't want to be broke. Like, what do you want? And so we keep going over and over again until they can get out what they don't want. Flip it to what they do. Want see the new vision and then see a path in some way. Like, you're not going to. Like you're not going to see 20 miles down the road. You know, it's kind of like you're in a fog and you're looking at the headlights, and you can only see the next 10ft. But if you could see step one, you'll get to step one, and then you'll get to step two. And then the last part, I think, is courage, is the ability to just. Like, I hit a point where I said, fuck all of this. Fuck all of it. The money, the waking up miserable, the anxiety. Working with a staff that I didn't want to be working with because I didn't have anything common with them. They looked at me as the boss and that I just wasn't connected with them. I just wasn't with my people. I wasn't living in a place. I just said, fuck it. Fuck all of this. I am changing it. And it's changing on December 31, which was a year ago, literally, to, like, this, this month. And it's funny, you know, when the. When Facebook pops up and it shows you, like, you know, where you were a year ago, and I'm looking at where my head was a year ago, and I'm like, oh, my God. You know, I said to my wife, I said, you know, it took so many years to make this change, but we finally did it. She said, no, it didn't take that many. It didn't take that many years. It took a decision. The moment you made a decision, that's when it happened. It took an instant. And she's right. Like, that's when it was. So it's. It's. When are you ready to make the decision? The rest of it is just talk.

And then, that being said, the decision was made. And then I think it was. Now it's the game plan. Like, the decision is made. The line is in the sand. The date is on the calendar. Now what things do I need to put into place, like, with an unconditional commitment to make this happen? And like, what you said before, I love that because when I hear people tell me what they don't want, what they don't want, I said, so basically, you're looking for a band aid right now to make the bleeding stop is all you really, really want. You don't necessarily know what you want yet, but you know you want this to stop. And so until you know what you want, this is just. Either you're. Either you're going to end up with a Band Aid or you're going to need a tourniquet. So let's figure that out. So when you made the decision and you put the plan in action, I know that when we decide we're going all in, that's scary as fuck. And now it's like, the shit's real. Yep, the shit's real. And then the thought of losing the million dollars a year and, you know, all the luxuries that come with that. Right?

Well, here's what. Here's what happens. What happened was once I pulled myself out of it and I was like, okay, I made the decision. I'm not going back. And I put myself on the line. I told the staff and I said, I'm not coming back in anymore. It's over. December 31st. I'll help you find another job, or you can go find one now. I didn't care at that point. I just didn't care. I wanted the best for him and I was willing to help them, but I needed to tell them early enough because, number one, it was the right thing to do. But number two was I needed to put myself on the line and I needed to get the beginning of this going. Now, once I did that, being entrepreneurially minded and always trying to figure out a way, I didn't wake up the next morning and just sit around and say, well, I'm going to leave my job, so I'm not going to do anything, I dug deeper and into what I really wanted to do. And so I was able to create the second life that I was after while I was exiting the first one. And I think freeing up that bandwidth that allowed me to go from one into the other allowed it to happen. In other words, I didn't just walk away from it and say, I have no plan. I don't know where I'm going. I did have a plan. I knew what I wanted. But that plan took a minute to figure out, like, what it was. And I was searching. I mean.

I remember exactly where I was. It was a couple years ago, and our mutual friend Chris Harder, you mentioned earlier, I was visiting him. I came in to see Nick Harder run his brother run a marathon. And me, Chris and Lori were in la and we were driving around.

To go jump out of different mile markers while Nick was running by, so we can cheer him on. And I remember while we were just sitting there waiting for him.

Chris and I were talking and I said, you know, I'm putting myself on the line this year. I'm stepping out into faith. I don't know exactly what I want. I have an idea of what I want to do. And it just hit him and he's like, you should create a mastermind. And I'm like, a mastermind? And he said, yeah. And he just came up with this. It was crazy. He came up with this crazy idea. He said, he said, it's gonna be like Cirque du Soleil where you're gonna have like people throwing confetti and there's gonna be trapeze artists. And I was like, what are you talking about? But that idea morphed into what I'm currently doing and it gave, it was like, it gave me. It gave me the place to go to. And I just, I joined his mastermind and we were able to mastermind my mastermind in his mastermind.

And this, like, if you're listening right now and you are doing something that you don't love, even with your little side hustle that you feel like an imposter in, because I know all of you listening feel like that. Because I hear you, I see you, and I know it. Like, this is why it's so important for you to follow and listen to Rob. Because although I'm sure in the, in Rob's body and mind, it didn't feel elegant the way that he was navigating that process. But the decision was made. And then like he said, he went all in, in the transition, during the transition to learn even more about what he wanted to do and be and what those days look like. And he. I mean, I would watch the big sticky notes on the walls. Like their living room didn't have wallpaper. It had those large post it notes with the stupid ideas, you know, the stupid idea time with him and his wife. And like this, like, we are going to put this into, you know, into action. And this is why you are a master at this. And this is why if you are listening and you need a transitional plan, Rob is your person. Whether it's in his mastermind, his personal coaching, or even just listening to his podcast, there is nobody that does it like you. And, and it's so beautiful to watch you guys, you know, and they have a little five year old Sophia that. I mean, how many different countries has she been in?

Well, we just had to get her a new passport because she's been to 17.

Look at that, like. And you know, a lot of you out there are using your kids as an excuse. I get it. Because that's an easy cover, right? And Rob and Kim have figured out not only a way to transition out of a big 25 year business and do something really fucking scary and starting his own business. And she's running a powerful network marketing business as well and raising a 5 year old and a 21 year old and a dog and made a cross country move and lived out of suitcases for four months and is probably having single handedly the most profitable year of your life.

Yeah, for sure.

And he's happy.

And more than that, I'm happy. More than that, I'm happy, you know. Yeah. I'm happy and healthy and I'm living the life that I, you know, I want to be able to, that I've always wanted to live. I mean, you know, a year ago, it's funny what a year can make, right? A year ago it was, I hate my career, I don't want to be doing this, I don't want to live in Atlanta. And one year later we accomplished a bucket list of living in Europe for four months and moved to California. And life is completely different now. And none of that would have happened if I didn't take the, if my wife and I didn't take the steps to change it.

So for those that are listening right now and they know one of their buckets is completely depleted and they're miserable, maybe it's their relationship that, you know, they don't want to be in anymore, the career they don't want to be in anymore or their health has taken a shit or when you ask the question, what do you do for fun? You get the deer in the headlights look. What advice would you give to that person that's listening that's like, fuck, I need to do something. Like we hear it all the time, I just need to do something. I just don't know what. How would you go about guiding them with the bucket system and finding at least some kind of. I agree, like, finding balance completely is just near impossible. But making sure these four areas are getting attention every day.

Well, I think the first thing is you have to quantify it, right? So just to kind of give a quick example for people, I'll go into it in a little quicker detail. Four buckets, your health, your business, your relationships and your play. Assign a number from 1 to 10, 10 being, oh my God, I'm out of my mind. Happy. One being, stick a gun to my head and shoot me. I hate this area of my life. Choose the one that has the lowest number and decide on a micro goal that you're going to do today in that Bucket. So let's say that the bucket is the relationship. And if the relationship is something where you and your wife are, you know, two ships that pass in the night and you're not happy about that, maybe a little note or a card that you can write that you stick under their pillow at night that they can see, I don't know what it is for you, but there's some micro goal, whether you're in a relationship or you're not in a relationship or there's something that you can do that will begin the process of putting momentum into that area. And I would encourage you to just look at those four buckets every day and decide what micro goal you want to put into one of those containers that are going to make you feel better, that area. Because I promise you, if you ignore it, it ain't going to get better and it is going to affect the other containers 100%.

And I can speak from personal experience, just being in an environment with you and calling you my friend and paying very close attention to you, even when you don't even know I'm paying such close attention to you.

There was a point at the beginning of 2019, for some reason, I kind of knew 2019 was going to be very.

Just something else. Like, definitely something, right? And, you know, looking at my buckets, all of them pretty much felt next to, like, close to two. And yet I was comfortable, right? I was feeling better. Not ideal. I was making money. Not optimal. I had relationships not completely where I would like them to be. And at least I got out of the house once a week. So I was like, yeah, but like, this is. This is not joy. This is not joy. And of course, at the beginning of 2000, a lot of this has to do with you. I don't know if you know this, but a lot of this has to do with you. And just the way that you in integrity walk your talk in this process. And as my friend and I remember at the beginning of 2019, I was like, okay, like, I need to actively play more, for sure. And that meant having friends to do that with, right? And not just the friends, which was everybody, including my children, which was a hard thing to really look in the mirror and own. The fact that I kept everybody at arm's length, including my own children, nobody ever saw the deepest, most vulnerable parts of me. And of course, it was meeting Tiffany.

That, like, my soul knew hers. And, you know, she came into my life with very big, divine timing, I'm sure, because she was the first friend to say you know, I'm trying to be your fucking friend right now. And you are so goddamn private. And I'm trying, and I want to be your friend. Will you just let me be your friend?

What a great friend.

Oh, my God.

And I takes balls to do that.

I will never. We were sitting in the back of an Uber, and I'm like, what do you mean? I said, I'm letting you be my friend. She goes, you are so fucking private. I had to pull, like, eight to 10 questions to get one answer out of you. She goes, you can trust me. And I was like, oh, fuck it. All of a sudden, hit me, and I'm like. She goes, you don't even know that you're doing it, do you? I'm like, I had no idea. And that was in April of this year. And I remember. And this is a lot to do with you. I remember going home, and I was like, I do this to my own kids. Because when I was really, really sick, I wouldn't even let them see me take me to the doctor. I took Ubers because they could not. Like, I would not let anybody see those parts of me. And so I came home to some of my close friends here. I said, let me ask you something. I said, I want you to be honest with me. Do you think I'm private? And they fell out of their chair laughing at me.

And one of them looked at me with, like, tears in her eyes and said, I have been waiting for this moment for 10 years. And it was in that moment I said, okay, this stops today. Like, this stops today. And this new level of vulnerability with, you know, I have the discernment to know. And it's again, that little girl inside of me that believes that I can't be safe with anyone because fuck knows, I couldn't be safe in my own home. So why would this stranger in the back of an Uber who's telling me I can trust her? So I had to really go into that. And, like, this stops today. I am safe. My discernment. I have picked the right people, and it changed everything. And then, of course, what happened the rest of the year? Thank God I had that. So my relationship bucket got fuller by the second, which led me to my health bucket. And I was like, okay, I've made excuses long enough with this health bucket. And Apple tells me every day, every week how much fucking time I waste. And Netflix does, too. And.

So there's no excuse that I don't have time to do that. This. So I started to do that. And When. When I was more intimate with my friendships, the play immediately picked up.

Yeah.

When I really put that health bucket higher on the list, like, I feel better than I have in probably a decade, which is a huge thing to say. And, of course, when you put all that together, the creativity in business, the way that I show up, the posture that shows up in my business, and just the unapologetic, like, I am a fucking master at what I do shows up. And a lot of that has to do with you, my friend.

Oh, thank you for that.

So thank you for what you bring to the world, like, seriously into my life and beyond. Like, I'm just grateful that you will let me share you with the world that follows me.

You are such a joy to know and to be friends with and to learn from.

I just love what you bring to the world.

Well, thank you. You are absolutely one of the most loving, kind cheerleaders of people's lives that I have ever seen. I mean, you are always cheering somebody on, so thank you. And I'm so excited that you finally got this podcast out to the world.

You know, it's scary, and, you know, even you're the second interview I've done.

Really? I thought you did more.

Nope. I've done a lot of solo episodes. Tiffany was my first because it's like. It's like having sister talk. And I was nervous as fuck interviewing her, and, you know, I was, like, waiting to hit pause, waiting to hit or hit record. And she's like, what the hell?

Just hit the button.

And I'm like, spit. She goes, what would Howard do? I'm like, okay, all right. You know, because she knows me so well. I'm like. She's like, what would fucking Howard Stern do right now? I'm like, oh, he just go, you know what?

I'll tell you. I'll tell you this. One of these things, you know, for people that are struggling in these areas. When you look at the buckets, you just made me think of. Think of something. So let's say that you're looking at the body, the business bucket, you know, or the relationship bucket. Either go back to a time in your life where you were powerful in that area and just step into, like, you know, putting your cape on and becoming that person that you were when you were, you know, dominating your health. Like, what were the things that you did? How did you move your body? What was the level of confidence that you had? What. What were you eating? Like, those kind of things, like, step into. And if you, you know, if you don't know. If you don't have a reference point for that, then borrow it from somebody else. Like, for example, like you just did, like with Howard Stern, like you love. There's an essence of what Howard is. It's not. You're not trying to be duplicate him. Just, you know, that he is somebody who asks great questions and looks at things in a certain way and is authentic and is real and makes you laugh. And so tapping into that, you know, personality, I think could be very useful.

For people, for sure. And, you know, you made me think of something when you were talking about the buckets. And, you know, in the land of entrepreneurship as it is today, it's very different than it was even five years ago.

But. And there's coaches on every corner and all the things. And do you think people are going all in on their business bucket and everything else is falling apart? Do you think they're putting. I mean, I think it's important to have definite focus on that. Is there one bucket that you think is the most important to make sure it's almost hitting a 10?

Well, you know, look, what happens is with the business bucket is most entrepreneurs are very comfortable and safe in working on business. Even though business is unpredictable, there's not a lot of emotions that you have to put into it, let's say, to be vulnerable or to, you know.

It just comes more naturally for people. So even though in their minds, they don't think that their business is maybe a 10, so they just keep putting their energy and effort into it. But the reality is when they look over at another bucket, like a relationship bucket, they don't either see the value in putting the time in or they're not willing to step into the scariness, like you just described with Tiffany in the back of the Uber, of what you have to do to willing to be vulnerable in that area. So to answer the question, is there a particular bucket? If you're an entrepreneur, I'm going to tell you that your default is going to be to put your time into business. So pick another bucket, because you're going to put the time into business. You're going to put the energy gonna. You're not gonna not do it, so. But you are going to not put the time into fun and play. So figure out what it is for you. And, you know, I had this conversation with so many people where I asked them, what do you do for fun? You know, and they're like, I don't really. I don't know, like, what do you. And then, so we have this weird intellectual conversation of what fun is. And they're like, well, what do you mean by fun? I'm like, what do you mean? What do I mean?

How do you not understand what, you know, like what? Like, like, like what? If you're going to do one thing today for fun, what would it be? And I watched them and they're like, okay, so for fun. And it's just hard. So to answer the question, I would say probably the play bucket.

You know, I thought of you yesterday. I was meeting a friend of mine, which is something that I've been doing a lot more is like this like saying yes to coffee dates with people that I really want to spend time with and thought of you. When I pulled up, it was my favorite time of day. It was like dusk and it was in the bougie, bougie ass Scottsdale area, which, you know, of Arizona here.

Yeah.

Which is beautiful, but you know, it's very bougie.

Yeah.

And I park my truck and it's like this beautiful time of day. And right in front of me was a park bench and it was an older couple, easily in their 60s, possibly 70s, no electronics, possibly a match.com date, I don't know. Could be married 50 years, I don't know. But I couldn't hear their conversation. All I saw was complete joy and laughter and body language and eyes lighting up and I thought of you. And like that is what you are all about is, you know, squeezing the really important things out of life, having like whatever success means to you. Like at the end of the day, both of us have lost our fathers. And I know both our fathers probably went to the other side with a lot of regrets and wishes of which wishes of how they wish they had done some things differently. And you and I both know that the one thing that we don't ever get back is time. We can make the money back, we can make new friends, we can get our body banging if we want it to. But like that time is so important to spend doing what you're put on this earth to do. And as somebody that I know has spent most of his life constantly as that student and learning, learning, learning the fact that you know, you are not what you have learned but what you've overcome. Like it's what we've overcome that really makes us qualified to do all the beautiful things and everything mattered for something. Even looking at those guys, the rich Jews on the other side of the block. Like that was a part of your story.

Like it was.

That was a Huge part of your story. And even though you went to, like, the cool school with the cool hair and lash dance and all those things, that was part of the story. And I know that if you were to put all the pieces of Rob Murgatroyd's life together, you can see how every single piece was important, even the regretful parts, even the crazy divorce, which we didn't even get into, and that whole story and. And the blown money and the popping bottles and even walking away from a very successful career.

Yeah, all of it. All of it. But at the end of the day, for me, it's about not living the deferred life plan. Like, I'm tired of deferring it. Someday. Someday I'm going to do this someday. You know, you hit a point where you can't go back and do that game with your kids. You can't go back and do that date. Like, you start passing moments. You start passing moments. You know, every day now, I committed to waking up every morning, walking my daughter to school and going to school to pick her up. I'm going to be there when I drop her off, and I'm going to be there when I pick her up every single day. And I don't miss it, because I can't get that back. I can't defer it. I can't say I'm going to put all my time into work and I'm going to get that back later. It doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen. So, you know, tomorrow is not promised. This is. This is. This is all we have the power. And now, right?

It. You know, this last year has taught me that more than anything, with losses of people who never expected to go. And, you know, having a daughter and, you know, my kids are in their 20s, and if they walk in the door and I know they need to have a conversation, I don't give a shit what is going on. They get the conversation.

Great.

And it's everything, because that's the shit they'll remember. Not. Not the nice house and the cars or whatever else. It's. It's the time that we made them the priority. And that's something that you and I didn't feel growing up. So.

No. And the money will follow. When you're in that. When you're in that place of where your energy is going up because you're filling these buckets and you're connecting and you're feeling it. You're feeling the energy and the positivity.

Gold attracts gold, and it's going to come to you and you're just going to grow even more. It's counterintuitive. You get away from your business and your business grows. It's hard to explain.

Well, then I will assume with 100% certainty that I am gold because I attracted you.

There we go.

And you, my love, are the epitome of gold.

Thank you for having me.

I am so grateful you are here. And I know for those of you listening like you have a rumble in your belly, like it's time, you know, enough of the deferment of life. And I want you guys to go to work hard. PlayHardPodcast.com follow everything he does, coaching and masterminds. Listen to the podcast. At the very least, listen to the podcast. It is hands down, next to Howard Stern, my favorite thing to put in my ears every single day is a little bit of Rob. Rob, is there anything else that or where they can find you that I've missed? Maybe the Instagram?

No, it's just, it's my name. It's Rob Murgatroyd. But you can get everything off of the website. And I just, I want to encourage everybody to continue to listen to your show because.

Who you are really comes through in these episodes. And I think that everybody needs a little Tracy o' Malley in their life.

I love you. Thanks for being on today.

Love you too. Thank you for having me.

Love you.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an Honest and loving 5 star review. Review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram, tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproo.