08: Your Enneagram Type and Eating Patterns/Dysfunctions

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof Podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to Millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Is probably one of the most requested topics around the Enneagram. It's this families and business and.

I want to start off by saying that the Enneagram is a tool. It is not the end all, be all. It is not like written in stone.

I am not a therapist, I will lead with that. But in my own health journey.

This has really helped me. It is again an awareness tool. And I reiterate that we are going to be talking today about eating habits and patterns and maybe even some addictions around your personal Enneagram type. You know, like you've heard me say about the Enneagram, I believe we are all born with unique gifts and our own beautiful disposition and temperament and how that gets expressed as life goes on. A lot depends on environment, parenting.

Trauma.

Just all sorts of things can determine how that gets expressed, right?

So that being said, in my history, I remember at the age of five leaning into food to cope. And so it is a very powerful, powerful thing, food. And as you know, that was 40 something years ago when I was five. And as the food industry has changed and the way that food gets to us has changed, now our food.

Has ingredients in it that actually promote the addiction process and actually can have you going down a spiral. And I think that that's why a lot of the world is overweight, especially our nation in America in particular.

That being said, when I was five was the very first time I remember leaning into food to deal with high levels of stress in our home. The first time I remember leaning into it was during a fight my parents were having. I was five and I had grabbed a pack of cookies that were around the house and crawled underneath the dining room table and pushed all the chairs in to kind of like hide me in a fortress. And I remember so clearly the feeling that I got when the first cookie went down the hatch. Powerful, powerful, powerful, powerful. So a lot of the industry, and I mean the weight loss industry, the dieting industry is a multi billion dollar industry because we are all trying to solve this problem of, you know, health is really important to us. Without your health, you have nothing. You've heard that before.

A lot of it, a lot of our vanity comes from how our body looks. How we show up in the world has a lot to do with our confidence, and a lot of that has to do with how we look. But at the root of it, I believe there are some motivations for each Enneagram type. You definitely are more disposed to certain behaviors depending on your personality and your type and how you express it, and how each type copes with things and stress and fears and desires, even, like, how we operate for what we desire has a lot to do with this as well. So, you know, I've talked about the Enneagram. You know, this is not to be used as a weapon against yourself or, or even a wall to keep yourself in this fortress, to stay safe from harm or, you know, you've heard me talk, like, if you put walls up, yeah, you might be hidden behind something and you might be safe, but you're also going to block joy. And if you are like me, I've spent four decades consumed with food, how that plays a role in my life. And I know I'm not alone. And so as you listen to this episode.

I want you to be mindful of what your body, how your body responds to when I talk. You might be triggered. And I want you to know you're safe, you're loved, you're supported.

Again, I want you to have so much freaking compassion for yourself. Because I used to beat myself up over and over and over. Like, I know better. Why aren't I doing better? Right? We know what to do, but why aren't we doing it better? And when I really understood who I was, what my core desires, fears, motivations were, it was a lot easier to lean into compassion for myself and break some cycles around dysfunctional, disordered habits and patterns around food. So as I go through, I want you to set the intention right now that you are safe, you're supported, you are loved, and that you will honor yourself and have so much compassion, knowing that there's a little part in you that really found comfort in how you use food today, whether it's, you know, being obsessive or indulgent, whatever that looks like. And I'll go through this. If this is something that lands on your heart, I know that this episode will need to be one that's shared. As somebody who has spent a life.

Around food and disordered eating and I'm seven and a half years of recovery in disordered eating and I know the numbers and they're staggering. This episode will need to be shared. So if whatever I say lands on your heart, take a screenshot, share it, send the episode to a friend or a loved one or you never know. You never know who is needing this message. I know I could have used it a long time ago. Again, I apologize for the coughing. It's annoying.

Okay, so we're going to dive into the enneagram and eating and you've heard me, if you've listened to my prior enneagram episodes, you've heard me talk about the triads. There's the head, the heart and the body. And there's three basic personality types in each of those categories. And today I'm going to start in the heart category. And these are the people that make decisions based on feelings, their heart. The other two make them based on other things. We all use all three of those but you have definitely one that's dominant. And these three basic personality types fall in heart triad. They're the two, the three and the four. The helper, the achiever and the individualist. And so we're going to start with the two, the helper. And they're the caring, interpersonal type.

The basic fear of the helper is that they're going to be unwanted, unworthy of being loved. And their basic desire is to feel loved. And so a lot of times the way that they try to earn love is like expressing their feelings to others. They can be over givers. They need to be appreciated to get others to respond to them. They can give of themselves and forget about themselves. How this shows up in eating is they can be like the emotional eater and they tend to be the ones that are like the friendly feeders, the food pushers. And I mean that in the most loving, sincere way because they mean it from like the goodness of their heart. But they over express their feelings and emotions of love. And so food can be seen as synonymous with love. For type 2s, they can see food as a direct or physical way to nurture, connect with loved ones through either food preparation or shared meals. The helpers love to get together for eating because it's a symbol of love to them a lot of the times. And food is a perfect medium for creative energy. In the type 2. So sometimes the twos can become really good cooks or bakers. And like I said, they, they can give their food as gifts. A lot of times when a two is feeling, you know, in the more stressful parts, if they're not feeling appreciated or like unworthy, like if they go down the dark hole of that a lot of times they attempt to nurture themselves with the comfort foods, they can be prone to binging behavior.

Like that.

They can go into a darker hole if they go down the unhealthy spectrum of abusing food and over the counter medications. They can binge on sweets and carbs. But they, they tend to overeat from feeling love starved. And in extreme, extreme cases, they can go to bulimia or even hypochondria for sympathy. Right? And so when, if you're a two and this is something that you struggle with, this is where the power of the pause happens. If you, if you notice and if, if like food is something for you. And that, like I said, this is a practice I have to really take into consideration every single day around food is the power of the pause and really saying, okay, what is this about? Am I hungry? You know, halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Right, Halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. And just identifying if you're one of those, if you know for sure you're not hungry or if you know for sure, like you're not going for the arugula, but you're going for like the pretzels and the cookies and things like that. For two, the thing that you can kind of pause and say to yourself is may I accept who I am, may I fully show up as me and that I can be cared for, that I'm worthy of being cared for. If you tend to find yourself going down this road as a 2, know that maybe you need to do some self nurturing, nurturing and back off from over giving to others. So for the three, the three is the achiever, the success oriented type. And their basic fear is of being worthless. Their basic desire is to feel valuable and worthwhile. They believe in their core that they need to be successful in order to be worthy. So these are like the overachievers, you know, they can be super competitive. I tend to find a lot of the fitness competitors fall into this category. Not that that's a bad thing at all. It isn't. But like with all types, there's healthy ends of the spectrum and then really unhealthy ends of the spectrum. And the key motivation for the three is to be Affirmed and to be able to distinguish themselves from others and to have attention and be admired. And, you know, at their core, they really just want to impress people. So how they can fall into eating categories and patterns is they can be that detached and determined dieter. They can be super, super unemotional and practical about food. They pretty much can cut off all emotions around food when it comes to, like, they are out to prove something, right? They can be highly rational and detached from the comforting or, like, the euphoric aspects of food.

And they have this crazy power to control their psyche when they set their minds to it. They can force themselves to be repulsed by food if it's contrary to, like, their goals, right? And so I think, like, the fitness competitors in general, like, they have to go to this really, this very rigid mindset. Like, I will not. I will not. When the three goes into the unhealthy pattern of their type, they can struggle with anorexia or bigorexia. If they become so fixated on their body image.

They overstress the body for recognition. They work out to exhaustion the work. You know, the exercise addicts can kind of fall into this category. Starvation diets, when they go down the really, really, really unhealthy road. Or.

They can have excessive intake of, like, coffee and stimulants. Things like that they can do. They can go lean in towards excessive surgery sometimes for cosmetic improvement. And so for. If you're a three, and this is. You feel like it's the super rigid, and then it's like, oh, you go into shame if you, like, have a bad moment. The power of the pause, again, is something that's going to be really important to you. Like the. This is. This is something when you're in the pause that you should say to yourself, and you might find this helpful.

May I be still, May I accept myself, May I be valuable? And, you know, I work with a lot of threes because threes tend to keep moving the finish line a lot. They have these goals, and my goodness, nobody achieves like the threes. Like, they will set a goal and crush it damn near every time. But when they get to that finish line, there's usually a lack of fulfillment if they're down on the unhealthier spectrum. And so if that is you and you always feel like it's never good enough, it's never good enough, and you're just striving for the next big thing. I'm not saying having goals is a bad thing, because it certainly is not. But if you believe your worth is tied to those successes. It's going to be really important for you to tap into yourself and remind yourself that all you have to be is you in your present form. You don't need to achieve. There's a little boy or girl inside of you that you know, believed along the way that you needed to achieve. If maybe your parent, the parents that you had were very strict about like grades or athletics or like the medals and the awards and things like that. You know, a lot of parents do that. I've been guilty of that too. Like we do that because we, we can see this, the strengths in our children. But how that translates as a child is like, oh, in order to have love, that's what I need to do. So if you're a three and this is an area that you tend to kind of go off the rails with, remind yourself that you just need to show up as you. And again, you know, it's the thing that is your biggest strength can also be your Achilles heel in all types. So you know, the competitiveness in you, that achiever part of you is actually one of your greatest strengths. And it can be some of your biggest hang ups too. Right? Okay, so the four, the individualist, these are the sensitive, introspective types. And fours are fun. They are like that choosy connoisseur. They are, you know, the picky pennies. They think about their feelings and they hold onto them. They choose how they are going to express them all the time. They don't have predictable taste. They're the ones that are always wanting to try something.

New on the menu. They're always constantly reevaluating the way that they eat. Like a fashion model putting on a new outfit that is also fitting for the setting that they're in.

The four have artistic taste buds and they can kind of use food. Another way to heighten their emotions. They can communicate through food. They can create an identity. This is a way that they can stand out as unique. Because if you know the four, their basic fear is that they have no identity or personal significance. So they're kind of always looking outside the box to showcase who they are. And their basic desire is to find themselves in their significance. So that's kind of why they're always trying new things and things like that.

But their key motivation is they want to express themselves and their individuality and they want to create and surround themselves with beauty to maintain certain moods and feelings.

And sometimes they withdraw to protect their self image. So that's where they can go down the dark Road. And so how that can play out in a four is they can be overindulgent in rich foods and sweets, sometimes alcohol, to alter mood, to socialize and for.

Emotional.

Comfortableness. Right? So that's kind of where they find comfort in that being unique. Where they can get into the unhealthy patterns is they can have a lack of physical activity. They can lean into depressants and tobacco and prescription drugs.

To deal with, like, social anxiety. They can also.

Lean into cosmetic surgery to erase, like, some features that they don't love. And so, you know, again, I love the fours, like, and when a 4 is healthy, they're the ones that you want to go have food experiences with because they're always adventurous in this area. And it's when they go into the unhealthy part where they're just constantly striving to find their significance in the world, that they can kind of get into trouble. So again, the power of the paws for the four is that moment where they say to themselves, may I feel that my. May I feel my worth. May I see my wholeness. May I know that I'm lovable. May I know that I am special just because I'm me. I don't need to stand out in the crowd. I don't need to be melodramatic to get attention. Because when a 4 is in growth, they know the difference between, you know, right and wrong and good and bad for themselves. And it's not them seeking something outside of themselves to have significance. So it's really cool when you can see a 4 healthy. I love hanging out with the fours and trying new things with them. Okay, so that was the heart triad. So the next triad is the mind triad. And these are the types that when they make decisions, it's based on their brain, their thoughts, facts. And so the 5, 6, and 7 fall into this category. The first one is the 5, the intense cerebral type. And their basic fear is of being useless, helpless, or incapable.

And their basic desire is to be capable and competent. Their key motivation is they want to process knowledge and to understand their environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending themselves from threats from the environment, from people, from energy, from all the things. And so how this can play out when it comes to eating is they can have this preoccupied kind of like intellect around food. Type Fives can over express thinking and become preoccupied with their mental pursuits. So a lot of times, a lot of the fives I know when they go into, like an unhealthy pattern is they sometimes forget to eat. Or they will be the incessant snackers like this, the convenience foods, they have like a smorgasbord of different snacking items. And while they're on, especially when they're on a distracting kind of train of thought, if they're like in a zone, forget about it. They might drop weight, they might add weight because their metabolism shuts down.

But in order for them to continue their mental acrobats, acrobatics, they may not eat regular meals. And instead at really weird, unscheduled times, these might be the ones that are eating in their car. I mean, all types can do that. But especially for a 5, they're the ones like standing at their laptop, putting the food in their mouth, maybe at midnight or, you know, all sorts of things. They're nutritional intake is often, like, usually deficient in nutritious foods because they're kind of just like on autopilot at that point. When they go down into the unhealthy path.

Where it can kind of go off the deep edge is, you know, their poor eating and sleeping habits happen due to their minimizing their needs, right? Like they, they cower down to their own needs. They know they can neglect their hygiene and their nutrition, their lack of physical activity. When I have talked to fives in their, in their dark shadow side, it feels very dark for them because they have like shut down on all their. Their needs. And they feel like sometimes a shell of themselves. They can have a lack of physical activity. They can lean into stimulants like coffee to escape. Sometimes on the way unhealthy.

Spectrum, they can lead into narcotics to deal with the anxiety. Because if you know the head triad, the 5, 6, and 7, their underlying emotion is anxiety. And so to quiet the noise, sometimes all three of these types can lean into suppressants or things like that. And so for a five, when you find yourself in this pattern, the pause. In the pause, you can say, may I be present, May I feel my abundance, May I trust that I have enough. And you know, with a five, to remember to honor yourself. And for fives, I highly recommend setting a timer on your phone every three to four hours to remind yourself to give yourself that nutrition or nurturing. Because you guys, when you go into that zone, can really abandon yourself completely, trying to protect your environment and your energy. And so remembering to do that and making it a habit and understanding, not just making it a habit, but understanding that you have to emotionally remind yourself that we're safe, we're good, I have enough.

It's going to be great, you know, because you have to feed that motivation. It's one thing to change the habit, but if you don't really condition the motive behind all of it, you know, that's how we end up sabotaging or going back into old patterns. Right. All right, so the Six is the loyalist. And the Six's basic fear is of being without support and guidance. Their basic desire is to have security, support.

All the time. Their motivation is to have security again, to feel supported by others, to have reassurance, to test the attitudes of others towards them. They fight all the time against anxiety and insecurity. Again, you've heard me talk about the Sixes. They are the master troubleshooters, the worst case scenario thinkers. And so how this plays out in their food habits and choices. They can become that frugal favorite feaster. They rarely will go outside of the norm. They know what works and what doesn't. So they prefer to have their decisions validated, sometimes by an outside source, like they're asking opinions.

So the way that this unconscious thing happens and manifests itself in regards to food is that the Sixes have a constricted palate. The Sixes stick to their past tried and true favorite foods, and they sometimes have an unwillingness to explore the beautiful culinary landscape outside that of maybe their upbringing or what they have found works for them. It's interesting because I have a lot of Sixes that I'm very close to and they are pretty set in their ways when it comes to food choices. They know what they like, they know what they don't. They don't tend to waver because they don't want to be blindsided by a situation, right? And some of my six friends that have explored, you know, like the one of my good friends, Tiffany, she explored the celery juice and it worked. And so she threw more at it. And then she realized that more is not actually better sometimes. And the Sixes I have found can have some anxious tummies. Most of my six friends have anxious bellies and temperamental guts, and a lot of them have to run to the bathroom. It's just keeping it real around here, you guys.

The Sixes, their rigidity in diet can kind of, like I said, cause nutritional imbalances. They will close, be closed minded. Like, I don't like vegetables. I don't like that they will work excessively.

You know, they can become the workaholics too.

They will lean into caffeine and amphetamines to keep the stamina up when they go down the really dark road or alcohol or depressants to, you know, kind of deaden that, that anxiety.

And so for that six is to calm their mind when they're in that pause when they feel like that panic set in. I noticed that sixes, when they go down the unhealthy road can have that panic in them. And that pause is, you know, not just changing the habit, but reminding yourself, may I, may I be safe, may I be bold, may I trust what I know. Because they always have this uncertainty and this doubt like, but what if, but what if, but what if? And so really honoring that part of you that, you know, probably most of your life has been seeking security and safety and support, you, you can be your best support advocate and your best secure advocate and that, that stopping in your tracks to remind yourself will really be helpful in that.

Okay, so the seven, the enthusiast. These are the busy variety, fun loving types and their basic fears of being deprived or in pain. And their basic desire is to be satisfied and content.

To have their needs fulfilled. And their motivation, the key, their key motivation is to maintain their freedom and happiness. They don't want to miss out on worthwhile experiences. They want to keep themselves excited and occupied to avoid pain. So sevens can be really fun to dine with and they can be very expensive to dine with. I am raising a seven, so I know this one very well. And they're the happy and hungry hedonist. So type sevens under express kind of rational thinking sometimes. And they can be seen to have childish desires regarding food and food choices. This is so funny because this is true in my daughter. They sometimes want one of everything on the menu and sometimes they are more prone than others in overestimating their hunger.

Like my daughter, she's done this number of times. We'll have like three or four menu items and maybe like she's like starving, like assuming that she's starving and legit. There's like three bites from each of the three or four things.

And I think like, they can easily feel deprived and have a hard time accepting healthy choices that they perceive are less tasty, less fun. It was funny. I was listening to my daughter today talking to one of her good girlfriends and you know, it's New Year's today when I'm recording this, it's New Year's Day and her friend was talking about some healthy things she's going to try. And my daughter said, you know, I'm not going to say that I'm gonna do something. I'm not gonna Do I know that this is an area I'm gonna have to work on constantly, But I'm not gonna set myself up to fail and to beat myself up over something. I'm just gonna be mindful of my motivation. I was, like, so proud of her, like, that she could recognize that.

And even, like, within our family, because all three of us, my son, my daughter, and I, you know, we've used food as coping mechanisms. I mean, they're my kids, so they've experience what that looks like with me. And, you know.

So the three of us are super mindful about food. And when we want to gather and have fun together, we've really made it.

We're very intentional that it doesn't revolve around full food, that it's like even taking a walk or going and doing an activity that doesn't revolve around food. Because if you really are conditioned that food is love or food is like a weapon, I mean, it can go all. This is where food can get tricky, because it can be really good, positive things for you, too. If you're trying to chase a good feeling, food can do that too. And with the enthusiast, that. That. That can happen a lot. The. The Type 7, the Enthusiast, are more the most prone to addiction. And stimulants, believe it or not, you know, the uppers, they ecstasy, you know, all the things.

The stimulants, they're the ones that are always looking for the stimulants, and they kind of avoid other depressants. They wear their body out sometimes even in their food choices. Like, they can overindulge and.

You know, to not miss out. They want it to be fun. And when a 7 is in growth, they're more of that investigator type. And they can make choices not based on this, like, need to fill an empty void. It's when they go into stress that they can become a little ocd with it. So for a seven in that pause, you know, reminding themselves before they go and go crazy down the rabbit hole of.

So much reminding yourself to be still, may I be safe? May I savor what is and just enjoy what's in front of you? And if you're a seven, and this is an area, like I said, I have a daughter, and she's got a mama who's struggled with disordered eating most of her life. So this is something that has bled into her life. And it's probably one of the hardest things for me to swallow as her mom sometimes is to know that this was something that she got from me. We're working on it together and to remind her herself when she's in the moment of it, that she can be still and safe. And there's plenty, there's plenty. And she's not missing out if she doesn't have all the things right, especially around food. And it's, you know, it's a work in progress. And again, this is not to be used to beat yourself up. Compassion and understanding that this is kind of something you've picked up along the way to feel safe, to fill a void and your heart in your life. And once you understand where the motive is coming from then you can recondition it and change the patterns. Once we finish this up, I'll kind of explain how that played out for me because it's been life changing. Okay, now we are going into the body triad. The eight, the nine and the one. And these are the instinctual people. And the Challenger is the 8. And if you are following me, you know that this is the one that I fall into. And the basic fear of the challenger is of being harmed or controlled by others. Their basic desire is to protect themselves and to be in control of their own life and destiny.

Their key motive is to be self reliant, to prove their strength and to resist weakness. To be important in their world and to dominate the environment and to stay in control of their situation. So you know, when an 8 myself have gone into, you know, the unhealthy parts of our personality and that resisting weakness part, especially around food, it can get kind of dark. I know all the types can go into their, their dark places. But you know, speaking from my own experience, obviously I know this one the best.

It's something that again, when, when you're not in a healthy place, this can be used as a weapon against yourself. But once I understood what this meant, I was like, oh o makes a lot of sense. And you know, taking you back to that story of when I was five and going underneath the table with all the chairs pushed in.

Like it was me trying to be safe and not be, to be protected in that. I mean even symbolically the way that I was kind of.

Encompassing myself in that environment.

You know, that's how that was playing out. So at their best they're self mastering. So we want to use our strengths in this way. But the 8 can show up as the lustful, indulgent, uncompromising craver. Boy, is that me in a nutshell. When I'm going down an unhealthier path.

Type eights over express their instincts and Are keenly aware of their physical urges and desires. They have very strong, lustful cravings regarding food. And it's true for sure. When I am in that zone.

It'S almost like a caged animal. And it's like, if I don't get it, it's going to go really south quick. If I'm in unhealthy parts of myself. They match their intense cravings With a passionate energy in obtaining and satisfying their craving. Like I said, when I was in the heart of my eating disorder.

When I was feeling out of control, like, when I didn't feel in control of my life, the trips to the store were something. Something to be seen. It was like a savage going through the grocery store, like. Like a crack addict. Like, give me my hit. Give it to me now.

And, you know, on the other side of that is like beating the crap out of yourself for, you know, feeling weak in doing that.

So in this way, the eights can be more prone to overindulging themselves as temptations cross their path. And that. That serves to be true when they are not nurturing themselves, when they don't realize that they are actually safe. A lot of times, eights, the challengers can ignore physical needs and problems. They avoid medical visits and checkups. They're the queens and kings of saying, I'm fine. I'm going to power through this, which is, God, how this played out in my health is just destructive. Aids can indulge in rich foods and alcohol, While pushing themselves too hard can lead to high stress. You know, control issues central. Obviously, alcohol narcotic addictions can happen if they go really far off the grid. And so when I catch myself in this, you know, I'm not immune to this. This is going to be a lifelong work in progr. And again for all of you, this probably will be in my pause when I feel myself, like when I'm craving something and I know I'm not hungry or for me, one of my triggers is when the sun goes down. I do find most of the day, but it's when the sun goes down. And I identified that. And at night was when a lot of the harder things in my childhood happened. And so really identifying that and pausing with myself and reminding myself, may I be open, may I be gentle, May I be satisfied and know that I am safe and protected and that I am safe within myself. I don't need to lean into these things that aren't necessarily great for me or nurturing for myself. But stopping yourself and understanding that that motive is what's driving this. It's not that you're a bad person. It's not that you suck at life. It's not that you just sabotage or you're a perfectionist or any of those things. And I'm here to tell you there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of us. We just have some coping mechanisms that served us at one time, but once we can get to the key of what the motive is behind that. So like for the Eight, being self reliant and.

Dominating their environment, that can even mean, especially if the rest of their life is out of control, the way that they can dominate their environment is through food. And I was absolutely one of those people. And so just really being open and gentle, those Eights. Be gentle and kind with yourself. The Nines are the peacemakers. And their basic fear is of loss and separation. Their desire is to have stability and peace of mind. So their key motivation for the peacemakers, the easygoing type, are they want to create harmony in their environment. The Nines want to avoid conflict and tension. They want to preserve things as they are and to resist whatever would upset or disturb them. And so for the Nines, how this shows up in their eating habits and patterns, they can become, you know, this oblivious overeater or unconscious gorger and they can have this passive palate. So the Nines, when they go down an unhealthier path or are under stress, can be out of touch with their instincts and food impulses. And sometimes they can unconsciously suppress their internal messages in order to maintain peace in their surroundings, especially in suppressing their anger and individuality. So the underlying emotion for the 8, 9 and 1 in this instinctual triad is anger. The Nines, because they are so easygoing, they look to numb that out. So they can tend to mindlessly eat and are unable to recall what they ate throughout the day. So when I'm working with a 9, I really encourage them to keep a food journal, to just be mindful so they can get into that pattern of being mindful. Because, you know, their key motive is to create harmony in their environment. If they don't know what they're working with, it's hard to ever be harmonious in that. And so being mindful of, you know, what we do and why we do it is really, really important. Nines can choose foods in order to be like the group. So, like, if you ask a Nine where you want to go to eat, I don't care, wherever you want to go. Right. They can tend to like, take on the food preferences of the people that they're hanging out with or they're dating or they're married to, they can actually start to forget their own preferences. And but like I said, they can. If they're going down the unhealthy path, the nines can overeat or under eat due to lack of self awareness and that repressed anger, they will shut down themselves. So that would create this lack of physical activity. They can lean into depressants and psychotropics and alcohol to deaden that loneliness and that anxious feeling in them. And so, you know, if you're a nine and you like forgot who the hell you are, which is what I tend to find with nines.

That have kind of gone off the rails a little bit, is to catch yourself. And that pause for you is to remind yourself that, you know, may I be bold, may I take up space, may I show up, may I have a voice? And so if you're a nine, the next time you're asked where you want to go for dinner, or what you want for dinner, or what you would like to eat or what you would like, give your honest opinion. And if I bet for the nines that have a hard time using their voice, you might feel that tightness in your chest as you do that. And again, that's to remind yourself that you don't have to. Like, your voice matters, your voice matters.

And that you having a voice doesn't cause problems or conflict. Because once you create that harmony within yourself, you know, when you can be in all types of environment without having to be the chameleon all the time, you're gonna notice that this doesn't get so filled with anxiety for you.

And the last one is the one.

The ones, the reformer. They are the principled, purposeful, rational types. They can also be called the perfectionist. And their basic fear is of being wrong, corrupt, evil, defective. The one's basic desires to be good and to have integrity and to be balanced. Their key motivation always is they want to be right and to serve, to strive higher and improve everything.

You know, a lot of times that will, they'll deflect onto other people. They want to improve everybody. And you know, they can be a little self righteous sometimes when they're not in their healthy space. But I want you to know that I understand if you're a one, that as much as you can be that to other people, I know that for yourself, like your inner critic screams at you, you want to be consistent with your ideals.

And you want to be to go beyond criticism.

So how this shows up in your eating is like they can be either like the holy eater and the guilt, guilty cheater, like the all or nothing kind of thing. Because they're striving to be so, so, so good all the time. Like that's so, you know, we all know that that's not sustainable long term, right? So type ones can under express their body's instincts and spend so much energy suppressing these cravings and natural urges. Ones have strong beliefs about what is right and wrong and will place moral value on foods and their behaviors. So that's what I mean by like that holy eater. Like they're the, they can measure every morsel. They strive to meet self imposed perfectionistic expectations as if like, like literally they believe in some way like somebody's watching them, like they're being watched and judged. And this struggle can cause so much unconscious and internalized anger. So like if they make a mistake in their eyes like that beating themselves up takes on a whole new dimension. When they diet they tend to be perfectionistic and have like I said, the all or nothing thinking.

The ones, if they go really far off the unhealthy scale, they can be, you know, the excessive users of diets and vitamins and cleansing tests, cleansing techniques. They're the fasters, the diet pills, the enemas, the.

You know, the extremes they can under eat also for self control to know that they are good by like they have control of the situation. And in the extreme cases like obviously anorexia or bulimia can come in to play and to kind of, you know, just relieve all the tension. They can lean into alcohol sometimes. So you know, if you're a one, that this is like maddening for you. You feel like you're really, really good or you're really, really not. And I really want you to know that you're beautiful just the way you are. Even when you maybe make a choice that isn't in your best interest.

You know, it's, it's one of those things like when you go to new levels, there's new devils. So in your pause if you're a one, I want you to remind yourself that you can accept what is that? May you rest, may you know that you're enough, that you don't always have to be proving yourself for your worthiness. And I know that that can be hard.

When you, when you kind of are going down an unhealthier path because you're seeking that, like when you're under stress, you're seeking that uniqueness about you. But when you're in growth, you tend to lean more into, like that fun enthusiast, like you will be more playful and wing it a little bit for a one to be winging it. That's when you know that they're in growth and they don't have to be so rigid.

And so, you know, as I went through all these types.

Again, none of this is to be used as a weapon on yourself or even a wall to say, like, this is just who I am. No, no, no, no. This is not for that. Because all of the things I just explained to you, you've learned along the way. And there's, like I said, a little boy or a little girl in you that found some kind of comfort in food, whether it was in controlling it or indulging in it or restricting it or whatever, you know, it is for you. And like I told you for 40 years, I mean, this was a secret I kept to myself. Nobody knew that I struggled with this.

Since the age of 5 years old. Like, that tells you how powerful this can be. It is way more than just liking buttercream and bacon, y', all, let me tell you. And when I really, seven years ago, and I put all my cards on the table and, you know, as I was in recovery initially, like the initial recovery chat was about alcohol, because that was the one people could see. But I knew that my disordered relationship with food was actually what would take me out, would end up killing me if I didn't get a handle on it. And again, I am not a therapist. I am speaking from my experience and working with hundreds and hundreds of other people, men and women, around food and food issue. And like I said, I'm raising two children where we all have different.

Coping mechanisms around food and how we use it is very, very different. And it's very unique to our personality type.

And I don't believe anybody is immune to this. And food is probably the widely, most widely used drug and most misunderstood one. A lot of judgment around weight. And, you know, there's so much more to it. There's a reason why there's an obesity problem. I'm here to tell you, anybody that's looking in the mirror and knows that they're overweight, like, it's not that they're lazy or shutting down.

What they know. Like, we all know. We all know. We're. We're smart human beings that all know. And whenever I see somebody struggling and I'm here to tell you that on. On the outside, nobody would have ever guessed that I struggle so I believe that we all have some kind of thing with this. You can not agree with me or not, but. But like I said in my work with so many people, because this is such an accepted use of numbing out.

You know, it can kind of fly under the radar a bit, and especially if you're sneaky. And because of my type to not appear weak, like, I would bounce between, you know, restriction and binging, and I would make sure there was a fine line so nobody could ever notice one way or the other.

And so it becomes this. This crazy cycle. But once I was able to really understand where this was rooted from, obviously that story of when I was five, that's pretty powerful. That was the first of many, many, many incidences.

There was a time when I was 10 years old. This is such a crazy story. I just remembered the story. I was talking to my coach about a year ago about this story. And this will tell you how powerful our habits and motives around food can go. Like, of course, when I was doing this, when I tell you this story, it might be shocking to some of you.

It had nothing to do with bad habits and patterns. It had everything to do with motives, my motive to be safe, to be able to control my environment. So when I was 10 years old, I. I had to do a fundraiser for school. I was in the athletic, in the athletics, when I was in fifth grade. And one of the fundraisers we had to do was to sell candy bars. And I got, like, one of those big boxes of, you know, one. I can't remember those bars of chocolate. And I think there was like 20 or so in each box. And there was. And when I was 10 years old, I was experiencing immense trauma in my life. There was trauma, you know, in my home. I was sexually assaulted when I was 10.

You know, there was a lot going on when I was 10. And instead of selling all those candy bars, I actually ate every single one of them. And I was so mindful when I was eating that, eating all these candy bars, that I was gonna have to, like, cover this up somehow. You know, I was 10, fifth grade, like, God, sweet, sweet little girl. And I beat myself up over this for years. So. But looking back, I have so much compassion for this little girl today. And so what I did is I kept all the wrappers, and I legitimately. I literally took Kleenex and put Kleenex in each of the candy bar wrappers to try and cover up that I had just ingested all this because I didn't have $20 to pay for all the candy bars, I couldn't ask my parents for it because then, you know, who knows what would happen? And so I thought I could just hand in the box, say I didn't sell anything and here's all your candy back. I mean, that's how innocent and naive I was to what was really happening. Obviously, I got caught. Obviously, that was humiliating. I don't ever remember a conversation about it other than, like, my parents poning up the 20 bucks. But it was kind of swept under the rug. And, you know, you know, this is how far back some of this stuff goes. So if food has been like an Achilles heel for you and your obsession or.

Weight and dieting and all the things that food can do for you, if you have spent your lifetime or a decade beating yourself up for it, I hope that you listen to this to have a better understanding. I would love if this, you know, hit you, please, if you have questions. You know, I'm always in my DMs and messenger to answer questions. You know, I do work with people around, you know, enneagram and all this stuff. Like, obviously I do enneagram coaching, but I take this to a soul surgery level too, you guys, so I can really help you get to the root of it. I know, I know how hard this is, and I'm here to tell you I have seven and a half years of recovery. This is still constant work in progress. And the last few months specifically, I have been really focusing on motives rather than just trying to change the patterns and habits. Because we can change habits and patterns temporarily with anything. It's easy. We know what to do. We can diet, we can lose weight. There's a reason why diets fail. You know, my friend Will and I did an episode that will air after this one, but around killing the diet. And we talked about, like, when we really have our perspective and motives in check. Ironically, the food doesn't become the issue anymore. And for the last few months specifically, I've been very rigorous. That's my word for 20. 20 is rigorous about really tuning into my core motives, the core desires. And if that is you, you have it in you. This doesn't have to be a lifelong battle. You don't have to look in the mirror every day and say, God, why the hell can I not get a handle on this? Or, why am I completely. I mean, you could have a banging body, but, you know, like, you are so fixated on it that you are robbing yourself of joy, of experiences that actually, you know, are fun. Maybe you're carrying Tupperware in your car. I don't know what it is, but I know if there is this over consumption of thought around it, then you are missing some miracles in your life. And I want you to know that you deserve, you deserve to have peace around this, that you can have the things that you want, but it doesn't have to be to fill a hole or to numb something out or to not feel or any of the things. I have a feeling that I'm going to be talking a lot more about health and the Enneagram because a lot of our emotional health plays out in what our body, how our body kind of manifests disease and issues with our health and the struggles around eating and food and diets is just the tip of the iceberg with this. And so I hope this helped you. I hope this gave you insight and allowed you to have more compassion and love for yourself and to know that you know what you've done the best you could up to this point. And this is a roadmap to help you find your way back to your soul's purpose, your soul's calling, your soul's desire. And I want you to know that everything you need is within you. Everything you need to really tackle this is within you. Maybe you need help with it. Maybe you need somebody to facilitate that for you, to guide you. And that's why I've made this my life's work, is because it took me till 40 to really have the courage to say I need help. And I know what I robbed myself of. And I don't want any of you to rob yourself of it any longer. You don't have to do this alone. I would love to help you. You know, this has become what I'm passionate about. And I want you to be in your soul's calling. Because when you do.

The impact that I know all of you desire for your life and the impact you want to make on the world really comes with ease and elegance and grace. And I want you to know you all deserve it. So if this landed on your heart, let me know. Share this episode. Like I said, I think this will help a lot of people really have an understanding of, oh, this makes sense. And because it's handled with love and compassion and no judgment, no judgment at all.

You can really break this cycle at the root, not just at the habit, but at the actual root. So share it with somebody you love. If you love this episode, let me know. If you love what we are doing here on the Becoming Bulletproof podcast.

Please go Leave a review, give me some stars, all the things. But I know that for you to become bulletproof, it's going to require you to stand on the front line of your life and to tackle this. And I want you to know at that front line, yes, you're going to take the hits. But I want you to know that with me, with what we're doing here with the Enneagram, you will be able to take all the hits and handle it with a lot of grace. So with that, have a beautiful day, you guys. I'm so grateful. Thank you for being along for the ride with me. Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you at Tracey o'. Malley. As always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.