09: Cut Me Wide Open.... Confronting Vulnerability, Vanity, Near Death and Breast Implant Illness w/ Talia Maddock

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am so excited for today's chat.

You know, two and a half years ago now, I was plagued with a health crisis. I mean, it had started a couple years, like two and a half years before that, but two and a half years ago, it had come to a head. I literally was planning my own funeral.

My will had been rewritten. I was looking in the eyes of my children, wondering who was going to take care of them and be that person for them. And two and a half years ago, I finally got some answers about kind of what triggered everything.

And as I explored what that was, it scared the crap out of me. First and foremost.

I had a moment of shame in it because part of me is like, I brought this on myself. But in that. And we'll touch on all of that. You know, when you are faced with your own mortality, that life is too short will come and whack you upside the head. Perspective immediately shifts. Everything that you thought you knew changes. And it was two and a half years ago when I discovered that what started a snowball effect in my health was some breast implants that I had replaced in 2014.

And by the grace of God, I was able. You know, my brain by then wasn't working, but by the grace of God, I had this epiphany that because of an IUD I used to have, I made the connection that it must be the silicone in the implants because of the time frame. And in that moment I went. When I had that epiphany, I went home and started Googling. GTS is my favorite phrase. Google that shit is now is it the end all be all? No. But in that I found out that holy crap, this is something that nobody is freaking Talking about. And so I landed upon a Facebook group that at the time, it was under 20,000. Today, it's upwards of over 105,000.

In just two and a half years, which is crazy. But the very first person I met in that group was our guest today. Her name is Talia Maddock, and she had her implants removed about three weeks before I did. And it was her sharing her vulnerable heart that all of a sudden, I got tears in my eyes. I'm like, holy crap. I am not alone in this. I was angry, like, why is nobody freaking talking about this? When I got in the group, I saw that I had 25 mutual friends and not one person had ever spoken a word about this. And as I watched this beautiful woman speak.

I had a holy crap moment like, oh, my gosh, I'm going to have to talk about this. I don't want to talk about this. I am super private when it comes to my body and my health. And I knew that I was about to be used for something much bigger than myself. And this beautiful woman that we have on today was really a huge inspiration for me and source of strength in my early days in battling what would be probably the biggest battle of my life, quite honestly. She is an amazing woman. She has an eye for interior design like nobody I've seen. She is sassy, and you're gonna fall in love with her, not just because of her heart, but her voice. It's so soothing and calming and rel. She has been an advocate for women all over the world and their health. She's been on the doctor's TV show talking about breast implant illness. She has made it her mission to.

Have women share their stories, because it was only through people sharing their stories that I found a way out of this, not just in the breast implant illness, but in recovery and eating disorders and alcoholism and codependency. It is through our stories that our. Our soul gets the data that it needs to make the change. And this woman was a huge part of that for me, and I'm so honored to bring her to you today. She's a fellow Aries. She is a feisty, feisty woman that will warm your heart. And I think this conversation as you listen to it, if you are a woman out there and you have had mysterious things going on with your health, whether it's gut health or. Or anything like that, I want you to listen to our conversation. With such an open heart and a willingness to maybe just be your own best advocate, we're going to talk about emotional Health as well as physical health, because I think there's a huge correlation that nobody is talking about today. But I want you to know that as you listen to this. If you think somebody needs to hear this, please share this. I know neither one of us wanted to be talking about our boobs for the world to hear. I know she didn't. I know I certainly didn't. It was very humbling and raw. And.

I take it very. I take the responsibility so seriously in sharing the story with a lot of integrity and grace and not fear, but, like, just be your best advocate. Be your own best advocate. And so if you choose to share this screenshot, this episode, tag us both. All her information will be in the show notes and all the things. But we want to hear your stories. And it's only through our stories that we can help the world become better. So with that, I want to welcome you, Talia, to my show. Hi.

Oh, hi, honey. Well, thank you for that. That was very heartwarming. Congratulations on your podcast.

Thank you. It's something just like with sharing our stories in that private group. At the beginning, I knew that this vehicle of a podcast was in the works, but I was like, I want it to feel right for me. Look at that. The devil's trying to stop my. Ironically, when I was saying all the nice things about you, not a peep. But as I. You know, we'll talk about that too. But as. As I knew that this story needed to be told, I knew that the enemy would try and strike. I think that the enemy tried to strike with a lot of this. And even sharing my story very publicly, not just with the breast implants, but my recovery story, I get a lot of backlash for that as well, you know. But let's go back. You know, obviously we met in 2017 when both of us were at rock bottom. Quite honestly, you were starting to find your way back. But before that, what was life like for you? Before all of a sudden you were completely crippled by this because you were. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, I was crippled. I mean, I was probably a lot like you. I was a mother of two kids. I have two daughters. There wasn't really time for me to not feel well. I was married for seven years before. I was a military mom. Wife, not mom, but wife divorced. And all of a sudden a single mom. So I was hustling and so fast forward into implants and all of a sudden starting to get sick three months after it. Prior to leading up to that, I'm a perfectionist. And I think that Comes with wanting to control things. And it comes from, for me, an environment where I came from a loving home. But there was a lot of things in that home that I couldn't control that were hurtful. Watching alcoholism and addiction take a hold of people I loved as a child and being the oldest and trying to protect siblings and be a form of support.

It all comes together. At our age. You look back at your life and the times you've gone through where you feel like it couldn't get any worse. And every one of those lows mean something. Like they're, they're part of your story and they're part. I think they're meant to be shared if you, if you're brave enough to talk about them, it's what helps people through it. And so for me, the perfectionism, the eating disorder, which led to. I needed implants after divorce because I was not going to anybody see me naked with two boobies that had breastfed both my kids. There was no way that was happening. So.

Got the breast implants and three months later started having debilitating asthma. That, like, breathing problems that seriously floored me. Like, took me to my knees. Anywhere I went, I had to carry a breathing machine, a nebulizer. I had to be close to an outlet so I could plug in and do a breathing treatment. And nobody could tell me what was wrong with me. So when we say, when you hear women say we were dying, I was dying. And it wasn't just that. It was a whole onslaught of other symptoms. In the meantime, you're asking for help, asking what's wrong with me? Could it be this, could it be that? And you are literally tearing apart your life trying to figure out what's triggering this. Like, why was I, you know, I had an eating disorder, but other than that, you know, healthy runner, you know, worked out all the time. Now all of a sudden, I can't breathe. I'm allergic to things. The eating disorder had stopped a few years prior to implant. So.

It was tough. It was tough. It was tough. Navigating the medical system, being your own advocate, which.

It'S okay to stand up for yourself. It's okay to say, no, it's not anxiety, no, I'm not just rapidly aging all of a sudden. Why am I having symptoms of an 80 year old person when I'm 27, 28 years old. That doesn't make sense. But it took 10 years of me not listening to my intuition.

10 years of going, okay, well, and my family saying, we took you to the best doctor you saw the best specialists. They've run all the tests. You don't have lesions on your brain. You don't have this. You don't have that. The asthma is just environmental allergies. And then it was food allergies. And then it was. The hair started falling out. Then it was vertigo. It was every month. It was something new to the point that I was bedridden. And I wasn't suicidal, but I didn't want to live like this. I never asked God, why me? I just said, God, show me the purpose in this. Show me the answer. What am I supposed to be learning in this? And eventually, he answered that prayer. He showed me what the answer was. It was my implants. My girlfriend, who was doing my hair said to me, have you heard of breast implant illness? I'm going to see an explant doctor. And I'm like, what's an explant doctor? What are you talking about? She's like, well, Talia, you. You need to check out this group, the same group you were referring to. And I did. And ten years of hell in that moment, all came crystal clear. I knew exactly what the f. Was trying to kill me. I knew exactly what it was because I tried everything else at this point. And so I immediately started researching explant surgeons, and I started sharing on social media. And I knew it was at the risk losing people. And I knew it was at the risk of.

You know, offending some of my girlfriends that had breast implants that thought I was crazy or hypochondriac. And I got that. I got that. She's trying to get attention.

You know, she's making stuff up. She's a hypochondriac. And it broke my heart for half a second, but then I was like, you know what? It's okay. They're not ready to receive the information right now. So.

Three months after you got them, and that was 10 years before you realized. I can't imagine, because mine was two and a half years, and it was.

Such a rapid decline. And I was the same way. I didn't want to die, but I was like, I don't want to live like this either. And I don't know about you, but because I have the history of eating disorders, alcoholism, you know, I'm type A perfectionist, recovering as well, you know, the hustler, the getter, the grinder, the single mom that has it all on her plate, you know?

Yeah.

And I was like, you know, maybe it's adrenal fatigue, like, all the things but when I. When I was really at my. It was May of 2017. And for a split second.

I went to the place, like, maybe I just got all that I deserved for 20, because I had really good health for 20 months. And then all of a sudden, this started. I'm like, well, maybe all I deserved was 20 months of, like, this beautiful life. That because I've done so much bad shit in my life, maybe that's all I deserved. Quickly. Like, it lasted about 10 seconds. But that was a very dark thought. Like, that's all I deserve. And I was like, okay, no, this is going to be used for something greater. And I had the same prayer to God, too. Like, please just lead, guide me, walk beside me in this. Whatever this is supposed to be, whatever message I'm supposed to deliver with this lesson or this experience, I will do. Just show me some answers. And, you know, I knew I would talk about it because of my health and where it was at. I had to wait. I was like, my doctor that I ended up with at the end, he's like, I don't even know how you're still walking. Like, every body system has shut down except your reproductive system, ironically, because I.

Don'T need that anymore, of course.

But because I knew that at that point, as, you know, like, I had a pretty public platform, and I knew if I talked about it, I would be inundated with questions. And I really had to guard my own energy so I could heal. And I knew when I talked about it, I had to be really firm. Like, listen, I am speaking this not to be your answers, but to open your mind, to be your best advocate, to do your own research, because I can't take on the world on this one, because I'm barely hanging on myself. So, you know, before the implants started to decline, your health. What was life like that before? Because you said you grew up in an alcoholic home. And, you know, you and I are very similar in that I grew up in that, too. The perfectionist. Because it's all about control. Because our home environment is so out of control, we try to control everything, right? Including the relationships. And so in the 10 years that it took you to figure that out, your girls were young.

And how would you carry on.

And get through that?

It was very difficult.

It was a lot of prayer, and it was a lot of scary moments. And it was. I remember my dad and my. I was. I'm remarried at this point, you know, have an amazing husband. And they're like, we'll get to the bottom of it. We're just going to figure it out. But I literally felt like I was hanging on by a thread. I thought, any moment this is going to be my last day. And I want to back to what you just said about I deserve this because I remember thinking when I was struggling with the eating disorder and I was a single mom at the time thinking, I'm so grateful. Like, we have no health problems in our family. We have a history of cancer, asthma or anything. Like we're lucky. I'm a lucky girl. And that what jolted me out of the eating disorder and then back into the implants. I knew I'm like, I'm a healthy person. But maybe this is what I deserve because I walked away from a relationship that was abusive and my girls were going through hell, missing their dad in a divorce. And I'm like, this is my punishment. This is my punishment for abusing my body and being obsessed with looks and being obsessed with what I ate and throwing up. I'm being punished. And I would call my mom and I would say, I really feel like God.

She would say, no, sweetheart, he's not. And I'm like, but why then why am I dying? Why do I look like I am perfectly fine to everyone else, but I am literally dying? And then I started having reactions to medication. So the life saving asthma medication I was taking started killing me. My blood pressure would plummet all over. My family, they were terrified. They were like, what are we going to do?

So I don't know. All I can say is I just kept clinging to God. I just kept clinging to him and I kept saying, I'm not giving up. I'm going to trust you. I'm going to continue to prai through the storm. I know there's a purpose in this and I'm not giving up. And I literally grit my teeth and yell at the devil, you're not gonna win. I don't know what that means, but you're not gonna effing win.

I said the same thing.

Did you? Yeah, you have to. And you don't have any energy fucking left. And everybody sure crazy. You've got family looking at each other and they love you dearly. I was lucky. I had a great support system. But even the doctors in our family and nurses and medical professionals were like scratching their heads going, what is wrong with her? Like, she's allergic to apples. Now her throat's closing off because she ate an avocado. This she has to be spiraling out of control.

So I don't know how to explain how I got through it, except one foot in front of the other.

And I want to really go towards what we both have said, because I felt like I was being punished in some way. And I say that not to not take personal responsibility for some of my decisions, like, that's not that, but because I had abused my body and gotten away with it for so long. My eating disorder started at 5 years old. That's when it began, that control around food. And then obviously it accelerated at a rapid pace later. But I want to talk about that emotional health, because not only, like, as recovering perfectionist that we both are, all of a sudden go to a doctor and say, rip my chest apart. Do what? Like, I remember rolling in and I told my doctor, my surgeon, who is amazing, I said, I don't care what I look like at the end of this. Please, please, please, please, for the love of God, get everything you can out of me so I can live. So I can live and help people and be the mom that I know that I'm supposed to be and to break all these patterns that I've carried. And I know that that was your message, too. You don't want to repeat your past and what you grew up with for your beautiful girls. And I remember crying going into the operating room, like, please, just do everything. I don't care if I am left with nothing, if I am scarred from head to toe. Just do whatever it takes. And that a holy shit moment for a perfectionist who is. Who has been so vain her whole life. And I'm still vain. It's okay. But so overly consumed with what the outside was to try and fix the inside. And it was in that moment that I knew that this was an inside job.

Yeah.

And yes, I needed to take care of what I needed to take care of and take responsibility and do what I needed to do on the outside. But it was in that moment that I realized this was a much bigger inside job than I had even ever expected.

Oh, girlfriend. Yes, I have chills all over my body because you're so right.

And I don't know. And I know that you, like, I wouldn't change any of this for the world. I don't regret a thing because I know for girls like you and I. And I know there's a lot of you out there that are type A, overachieving, amazing, powerful women, and I'm not knocking any of that. However.

We get so in the grind and with the blinders on that we just. We use this powering through and we Shut down on our own, Our own emotional health. And I know without a doubt, because my ego really liked what I was doing. I know yours probably did, too. We got away with a lot. And I know that this was the only way I was going to be open to really digging deeper with my emotional health. Would you say that that's the same for you in this journey?

Oh, 100%. I have been stripped down to everything that I thought was important. And I thought I was a good person. I'm like, I love my kids. I love people. But I had a lot of inside work to do. What you just said, like, I have chills because it is. And so when people say, oh, women just think this is their implants, just this is the hype, or we are mutilating our bodies, we are taking out the thing that we thought was going to bring us happiness. And this perfection, this form, this what we thought was perfection. And we are saying, take it out, take it out, take it out. I don't care what it looks like. I just want to feel normal again. And I think it is an inside job because after explaining, I felt. But I went on this emotional, spiritual, no awakening. But God had me shut down. Like, I went on to do stories and I couldn't. And I went on to share, and it was like he was calling. I couldn't design jobs. I wasn't interested in design. He, like, had me completely quiet and still, and I would sit in my window and pray. I'm like, why? Like, what's going on here? Why can't I. It's not that I couldn't use my voice. It was like he had flipped it off and he wanted me to be still for a good year and just be quiet.

Well, I know that you probably are like this, too. Like, I would have those same exact moments when I was like, okay, I'm going to use this to help people. And it was God putting me in the season of silence. Like, no, be still. Yeah, still. So I can refine this even more. And I also know, knowing this about myself now, I would have never known this without this experience, that.

There are times in the past that I have used my voice to deflect my own healing. And when we are serving the greatest good, almost being a sacrificial lamb, we avoid kind of really healing what we need to heal. And I think that that was God's way for both of us to say, no, no, no, beautiful one, yeah, you need to do some healing here before you can help heal the world. And so instead of getting frustrated when my voice is shut off. I know that that's God telling me, like, it's time to be quiet. You know, I think it's Ephesians that. A time for everything, a time to be still, a time I believe. I hope I'm not misquoting.

No, you're right.

But that is probably one of the most powerful scriptures for me. Like, there's a time. And for somebody who's a type A like you and I, and a perfectionist, we have our checklists and timelines. And God has a funny way of saying, not today.

Oh, man, Talk about from going to control freak to no control over anything. I mean, that is what anything taught me at 10 years is we have no control over anything. And so to your becoming bulletproof. I love podcasts. I love that. I love the idea of that. Because for me, becoming bulletproof didn't mean I was a tougher, badass bitch. Because I went through that phase. You mess with me. It was becoming vulnerable. It was becoming quiet. It was. For me, my faith is what keeps me bulletproof. Because life, I mean, it just. It is another. It is another season of harvest, but it is also another season of issues and problems that you have to deal with. You know, 2019 had some monumental moments for me, but it had some really low lows. If I had to reflect on 2019, it hasn't been a good year for me. But to the outward, what people think they have seen you and I on doing media and that is great. And it is great that I have incredible friends and high places, But I have been the lowest I have been. And I know it is for a reason. I made a video to myself yesterday, laying on the floor, trying to exercise and do some stretches and meditation.

I did a video because I am doing another surgery at the end of the day. But it was to myself to remind myself what I've been through in 2019 when I go to have this surgery, which it's because my surgeon didn't get all the caps out, which I want to talk about the importance of that.

To remind myself when I'm scared, to be brave and the reason I'm going through this and to say, listen, girl, you've made it through way worse. And 2020 is going to be whatever God intended it to be. I'm going to work hard. I'm going to use my voice where he tells me to. I'm going to move my feet the direction he tells me to go. I'm ready to work. But I'm also Going to be obedient to what he tells me to do. And if he calls me to sit in silence, that's what I'm going to do. And I think what you just said is perfect, because in that when I sat quiet, I had a call say, can you come on and do this show? It's a design talk show. I want you to come on a design show and talk about breast implant illness. And I was like, well, I mean, you really want me talking about my boobs on your design show where your HGTV people are watching? He was like, yeah, I do. I love that you are real and honest. And I hate this whole fake it deep, make it crap. He's like, come on and blow it out of the water. Just tell the truth. So I did. And shortly after that, that led into me sharing a little bit more and then him coming to me saying, do you want to do your own show? And I said, you know, yeah, what does that look like, though? We decided we were going to do like this, but then we were like, no, we really want to get on the road and go to the women we don't want to. That's what I said. I will be nauseated if I have to tell my story over and over again. And nobody wants to hear it over and over again. So we decided to go from town to town across the country and interview women. And I started out at High Point Market, which, if you guys don't know what that is, that's where all the designers go to shop and source. And there's celebrities there from all over HGTV walking around, and I'm sitting there talking about my boobs. And Tracy, you should have seen the judgmental. What the hell you doing here? Talking about her boobs? What is breastplant illness? Like? Why would she be talking about that here? Not everyone, but there was enough that even though I'm a tough girl, I went back to my room and my. My youngest daughter was with me. And I cried. And she looked at me and she's like, who gives a shit what those people think, Mom? And that comes from my dad. That's what he. When I would get so consumed if someone didn't like me or if I got a bad grade, you look at me and say, talia, really? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit if Susie Q doesn't like you? And to have my daughter say that back to me in the room, she's like, mom, me? Who gives a shit what those assholes think? And excuse my language, but oh, girl.

Like, they know, like, I am. I'm a truck driver, Mouse.

Okay, same year.

Good. We're good. I love Jesus and I cuss.

So, yes, that's my motto, too. And it's what I needed. It's what I needed. And I was thinking. And Tracy, I'll tell you what. I'll be damned if, like, God always does, I planted the seeds. I was obedient. I talked about it, even though it was extremely uncomfortable, out of my comfort zone. And it's crazy how it works now. I have people that work for HGTV stars contacting me, saying, you talked about it here. I heard you. I've been suffering. I've been miserable. Can you help me? And so when he calls me into those uncomfortable positions, I do it, even though I'm crying inside or cringing or I'm embarrassed because this is out of my comfort zone. You know, that's what we do. So it's not about me.

So.

And I tell women, I'm not judging you. If. If my boobs weren't fucking me. Excuse my language. I still have them because I like the way they looked.

Hell, yeah, they were beautiful. Yes, they were.

Yeah. And so, you know, it's just not. It's not about me anymore. And that's. I think, what you and I talked about when we were texting you was literally texting everyone in my network saying, you have to stop right now and put on Tracy's podcast. Go subscribe. Start with episode one. I'm telling you, you guys are going to be crying and freaking out. Then I texted you. But it's just about getting a platform for people to share their stories. Right. You're not just breast implant illness, but sexual assault, depression. I was in a marriage prior to that was I was a battered wife. I didn't know what a battered wife was.

Just having someone share your experience, it just pulls you out of the darkness. It really does. And into the light. And that's why we do what we do.

Yeah, I think, you know, I was, as a little girl, like, I was the most. And I'm still, like, ultra private. And I'm learning that, like, what that is about, obviously, it's that little girl still in me that, like, nope, we don't talk. We stay private. But it was through other people's stories that I realized that I wasn't alone in this and that I was offered even a sliver of hope. Now here's the thing that I have found not just in the breast implant illness, but.

Even in Lyme disease. Or any kind of thing. Even. Even abusive relationships or sexual assaults, because I have all of that under my belt as well.

That sometimes.

I see and it's with zero judgment. I have so much compassion because I understand and I was there that they cling on to what this is, and they become hyper focused on it, and it almost keeps them in the. The depths of the.

The whole of the label of what is. Yeah, yeah.

And almost use it as a way to avoid dealing with the emotional and grief. Like, there is so much grief that has come as a result of these damn boobs. Like, and it was way more deeper than the boobs. Let's be real. It was grieving that perfectionist that I had to really let her know that it's gonna be okay. It was grieving the loss of, you know, that wall. I didn't realize how much of an emotional wall, like, metaphorically those. Those boobies were. Like, even in hugging people, it's like, yeah, I can hug you, but you're never gonna get close to my fucking heart. Yes. And I didn't even know it. And I remember the first time I hugged somebody after I had them removed, I was like, holy shit. I just felt. I just felt a heartbeat. And I will never forget the first time I did yoga after I had them out. And you know that pose where you bend in half and your. Your chest is on your thighs and I felt my heartbeat for the first time.

Did you cry?

I bawled my eyes. So did I. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, and it was like I cracked open this whole heart chakra and it felt super vulnerable because for 40 something years, I had wall up. And then, you know, obviously with the implants, there was another wall. And so this emotional aspect of it, it was way more than removing the implants. And, you know, let's talk about that real quick. You know, like, what emotional things were uncovered in this process for you that needed some grieving or healing around?

Well, for me, started bubbling up my childhood. And I want to. Yeah, for me, I want to preface this by saying I'm careful because I, you know, it's not my place to tell my mother's story. And she's an amazing mom. She's literally the most loving human being.

I know. She taught me about God. She taught us about grace. But she went through a lot of trauma in her life. A lot of trauma. I don't know how she survived it. She bottled it up, and it came out when it came out. And when it came out, she needed to numb it and shut it up. And in her addiction, when she would get drunk, I was oldest and I would take care of her, but I would also be the one to tell her to sit down or you're drunk or you're not going to do this. And I became like a mother figure to her. She resented that. So in those moments when she was drunk, she would look at me and say, I hate you. Who do you think you are? You think you're better than me? And I didn't think I was better than her. And I didn't. I was just trying to fix it.

So when the boobs came out and I'm living life, I went from single mom as a joke to making over six figures and started my own company and running two different companies. And I'm thinking I'm on top of the world dealing with breast implant illness. The boobs come out and I'm all of a sudden crying again and emotional and wanting my mommy, which I never like. I want her to tell me she's proud of me. I want her to tell me she loves me. I want her to tell me, I don't hate you. Even though she doesn't even remember saying that to me. She said it with such conviction.

That it seared me like it seared my soul as a child. And I remember it. And so I've always that around that I don't know. And it came, I text her and I said, I don't know why this is here. I don't know why this is coming up now. And I don't want to impede your recovery and I don't want you to feel guilty, but I need you to know, I need you to own this and I need you to acknowledge that my childhood was. Although it had lots of great moments, had lots of ones that I don't know, it just. It changed who I was person.

And.

I don't know. That's what I've been dealing with, to answer your question. And that's what I've been dealing with the last two years.

And simultaneously she's dealing with her recovery, which she's clean and sober, but she's really good about protecting her boundaries and her. Her health. And so I'm always scared with sharing how. How she affected me and her behavior hurt me. I'm scared it's going to be a trigger for her.

Well, as I'm just gonna give you some advice.

Yeah.

As somebody who's lived both sides of it, I've been your mother and I've been you.

Your mom does need to hear this. And if it triggers her, that's her recovery and she's got the tools. I mean, if she's working it. But I can't tell you how much it's hard to hear when my kids. I mean, when you were talking about your role, I know that my daughter has told me that that was her role too. And I've said some pretty awful things because I felt so shitty about myself. And as painful as it is to hear, I know how freeing it is for her. And it's the only way that the cycle stops. And it actually does help me in the long run. So continue to speak up because you know, you know your come from is one of love, it's not of blame. And she'll know that if she's strong in her recovery, she'll know that. So anytime my kids do speak up, as hard as it is to hear, I know they're come from is from love. And it's only going to help us all to address it and not save anything else under the rug. So thank you for that.

It helps a lot.

And I've been on both sides of it, you know, I've been you and I've been me. Yeah, so. So it's amazing that, you know, when both of us schedule our explant, we think we're just all of a sudden everything's gonna be better once we get them out. And. Oh yeah, I mean, I had immediate improvement, but I had a long way to go, not just physically, but emotionally, like we've talked about. And you said something earlier about going in at the end of the month for a second surgery. And I know when I was saying what I said about being rolled in, like, get everything and. Because I made her. I mean, I was so beat up because she had to scrape all the way up and down my ribs to get everything off my first set of implants. The capsules, because I had. Still in there, still in there and were filled with mold and in my armpits.

I remember that you were really not sick, but afterwards you went through a lot of. Weren't you doing like IV treatments constantly to try to.

I was hooked up to IVs every single day for seven to eight hours for 16 weeks. I had to hand over my. Because, I mean, like, when I said everything was shut down, that's no joke.

So not only did she have to go in and get the first set of capsules, I knew because I had my medical surgical records from my. When I did the replacement, which I was Told that was what we're supposed to do. I thought I was doing all the right things, right? So, like, that was part of, like, my grieving process. But I did everything that they told me to do. Like, I didn't leave them in there for a lifetime, but I had a leak in one. And so, you know, ladies, you know, even if you have saline implants, you know, when you have a moist water in a dark environment, it creates mold, y'.

All.

And so because they left my old capsules in.

Oh, mother trucker.

Yeah. I had mold all through my body, which has been probably the biggest thing over the last two years. Oh, it's so hard. But she had to go find the second set of capsules, which one was up in my armpit. Yep. Like, it had migrated up there. So, you know, for those of you listening, and you men too, I know that I have a lot of men that listen to. To me. If you love a woman that is having things going on in their life, I know that you like their boobies too, because they're beautiful. We know. We know. And I get it. And if you feel like you don't even recognize your partner anymore.

And your girlfriends, you know, be gentle. We don't share this message to be fear mongers or anything like that. I want you to just be open to taking a deeper look. Trust me, for five seconds, I wanted to figure out a way to keep these things and get well. I really did. But that being said, your explant surgeon the first time didn't get all the capsules out. And so you've had improved health, obviously, and it's still not ideal. Right.

Going back to that intuition, that voice that I think I kind of squashed for 10 years, when the doctors would say, it's not your implants. I mean, they said it three times, and I'm like, okay, well, the experts are saying it's not, then it's not. So I have. I will never, ever again not listen to my instinct when it tells me it's not right. My surgeon was well researched. He was, for 25 years, had only been explanting. He had been talking to the FDA about the importance of pulling implants off the market. So I thought he was the guy. He was well recommended. Women were singing his praises. But he said, if I have to leave a little bit behind, it's not the end of the world. Your body will reabsorb it. This huge controversy in the group at the time, and someone very well known, a profile client shared, and her husband Was singing his praises and he said we could go to anybody in the world. And we went here and I was watching her recovery going, well then I'm going to the best then. And that's who I went to. And the first thing I asked when I woke up is, did you get it all? Did you get it all? That was the first question I asked mine too. Yeah. And he laughed. He goes, yes, sweetheart, I got it all. And he held up this little like I call it urine cup. But in it he tissue in it. He was like, like that. That's what he showed me. But then he, when he came, my family came in. He said it was a little bit attached to her ribs that I couldn't get, puncturing her lungs. So I left it alone. But it's fine, it'll reabsorb. And at the time, like you and I said, I've had what I would say was a 95% improvement upon explanting, like 95% of my symptoms went away. And so I was, I felt like I had won the lottery.

And then I started watching women and I ignored it. Women were like, you know, going back who had second exploratory surgeries and they were finding full capsules in them from him. And I was like, well, that's concerning. Well over the last year, my food allergies have. That's one of the food sensitivities. Food allergies has not gotten better. That's one of. But it's a huge one because my throat will close off completely.

And I have about 25 pounds of what I call inflammation that won't budge. I've hired a personal trainer. Completely clean. We haven't had gluten, dairy, sugar in our house for seven years. We don't have chemicals in our home. My home is as clean as it can get. And I mean clean in the sense that we are pretty plant based. So I cannot figure it out. I've had my thyroid checked, I've had hormones checked and some of the old symptoms are coming back. And I know what I prayed about it. My God, I'll know if and when it's time. And you know, I went on the doctors like you talked about. I've become friends with Angie. We have a new show coming out. Let's talk with Angie Everhart. Talia Maddaugh. When I met her, she was telling me about her experience and she was telling me how sick she still was, but that her surgeon told her, I left your capsules in to give you more volume. And she Said, ty, I'm just so sick. I feel like I'm dying. She had ruptures of silicone. She had. Like you said, to your point, I had saline implants. So. Saline implants. Will you. Just because they're all silicone in the end. And I'm sitting here helping her, and I'm educating her. I'm on the doctors, and I'm talking to Dr. Chopra and some of the doctors backstage, and I'm like, angie, don't you spend one more Mother Trucking dime on trying to figure out what's wrong with you. You capsules out. And she ended up going to Dr. Rankin in Jupiter, Florida, because he's an excellent microsurgeon. He does a great aesthetic, and for a supermodel, that's important.

And it just hit me. I was like, why? My husband and my kids were like, mommy, we know you have capsules still left in. You're telling women how important it is. When are you going to put yourself first and when do you get on the list? So I made the decision, and I almost gave my SWAT up to a beautiful woman who came to me. You know how you said men are listening? Oh, I've got some good friends that are retired Navy SEALs and well known.

The Littrells. Yeah, Lone survivor. Anyhow, so those have been listening to my stories because they're wives, really good friends with one of them, and it was a husband that told another retired seal, hey, I think your wife may have breast implant illness. You need to check into this. She was really, really sick, like, dying, and she wanted to get in to see Dr. Rankin, and I almost gave my spot up.

They ended up getting her in sooner because her and her husband are donating explant surgeries to women. Yeah, it's a beautiful story, but you just never know who's listening. So I'm always overjoyed and moved that these big burly Navy SEALs know what breast illness are and they're talking about it. So kind of digressed there and got off subject. But no, it's.

It's so important that, you know.

There are men listening. And I know how scary, because, you know, I have a son, and.

I know how scared. I could see the terror in his eyes.

And. And I was very different than you as far as, like, I would tell nobody. Like, I was so stoic. I wouldn't let anybody help me. I wouldn't even talk about it, but he could feel that. And even though my son's only 21, he's still a man. And so for the men listening. If you love a woman and you're seeing this happen, lovingly suggest that she listens to this episode, share it with her or friends. And this is a really important message, not just physically, but emotionally as well, because as you have heard from both Talia and I like the emotional healing that came that. That was so necessary. I am a different. And I was a great mom before my explant, but I am such a fucking amazing mother today because of this experience.

Yeah.

The perspective. And, you know, I have a daughter as well who wanted implants. I have a daughter that, you know, used to look at me and, like, why don't I look like my mom?

Yeah.

And I remember a week after I had my explant, I caught her staring me, and I'm like, what? And she got choked up. She goes, I look just like you. I look just like you. And you're. You've never been more beautiful than I've ever seen you. I got them when they were super young, so they never knew me another way. And now this beautiful little girl who's, like, a little feisty, you know, she's gorgeous. Yeah. But, like, she'll go to the gynecologist, and they're trying to push her to get an iud, and she goes, do you.

Oh, hell no.

You know what that can do to certain women? You should be genetically testing women before you suggest that.

Oh, that makes me so happy.

Yeah. And just using her voice because she's watched mama do it. And I know that your girls are watching you right now do what you do, because now you are taking this globally. You are producing a show with Angie Everhart, who is amazing, you know, and the platform that you are doing. And like you, I didn't share my story. For me, I'm tired of telling it, but I know how important it is to give other women courage to speak their truth and their story, too. And so that is what you guys are doing now, and it is called let's Talk.

Right.

What is that about?

Well, it was birthed from the let's Talk breast health. She's gone through so much trauma in her life, not just breast implant illness, but obviously, once you have your implants out and you see the marked improvement, I cannot stress enough the emotional release that you have like you and I talked about. But it is a healing of mind, body, and soul. When those implants come out, they affect everything. And Angie had the awakening when she had her capsules taken out, and she had seen my show when I was doing it with Joseph on the live broadcast, she had seen my show and she called me and said, I want to. I love your show. I love what you're doing. I need you to keep doing it. And when it went away, she's like, I want to work with you. We've got to do this. Well, she had the experience herself. And so we've decided to produce the show. Let's talk with Angie Everhart and Talia Maddock. And it is just going to be a platform to talk about anything. Like we just want to. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about the bullshit, let's talk about the pain, let's talk about the successes. Let's talk. Because when we talk, we heal. When we are real and authentic and true. And we don't worry about judgment or who's going to like us or who's not going to, you know, unfollow us. They don't agree. There's healing in that. And I want people to understand that your truth is your truth and it's your story. And your story matters. And it may not. It doesn't have to match mine or yours, but it's important because there's some person out there that's waiting for someone to share their story so they can grab onto it like a life jacket and say, I relate to that. Someone understands me. Someone gets me. Because that happened to you, right, Tracy, you group and you saw yourself. I found myself in that group because someone shared. And so our whole point is, our whole platform is a show to talk about sharing. And obviously she brings a unique perspective. She's a supermodel, she's got friends. I mean, listening to her stories, it's just crazy. I'm like, wow. But they're all human beings. She's being, you know, it doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank account, it doesn't matter credentials, your. That does not matter. We're all humans and we're all connected by brokenness. Right? We're broken. And it's that healing journey that we're interested in.

So, you know, I remember I was about two months out of surgery. Yeah. You know, I was still hooked up. I mean, I had a port flying out of my chest. I mean, I was. I had a port in my chest. I had all the things. I was still very fragile, but it was at the two month mark that I knew that I was strong enough and had enough healthy boundaries to say, like, listen, I can't answer all your questions, but I'm informing you to take Your own, you know, take control of your own stuff. And I. I remember right before I hit you know, record, you know, as a live stream, I was scared. I was scared for all the same reasons you just said. I knew that there would be backlash. I knew that people would think, oh, my gosh, it's attention or it's a marketing strategy. Bullshit.

Yeah.

And I remember once I was finished with that, and before I hit record, I prayed very specifically, I said, please just let this help one woman that needs to hear this. And if one woman is served, then whatever other backlash or consequences come from this, I'm okay with it. As long as one woman was saved today.

Right?

And within a half hour of ending that, I got a text from somebody very special to my family saying, what you just said is exactly what my wife has been seeking for years. And within two weeks, she had her own explant and her life is restored. And she was a mom and, you know, wife. And I was like, okay, I don't care what else happens after that, because that one family that I loved so deeply, for him to. It was the husband that was watching me, and he said, you just saved my wife's life and our family because you spoke up. So keep speaking. And so I know that there's many of you out there that are afraid to use your voice. And, you know, I will preface this by saying, have healthy boundaries. Don't go down the rabbit hole of this being your identity either. Because, you know, I don't want to be just the breast implant illness girl. I don't want to just be the network marketer. I don't want to just be the recovering alcoholic single mom. Like, we are always evolving, and your story will always evolve, and I love what you're doing with let's Talk. I love that you. It's so true. Because the more that we can share, the more that we realize we're not alone. We're all humans living a soulful experience with each other. And it's important that we hear that. And, you know, to become bulletproof, it isn't being this tough ass, stoic, power through it kind of man or woman. It is standing on the front line of our life saying, this is me. I'm raw, I'm exposed, I'm scared, and I can take the hits because I know by the grace of God, I will get back up.

Yeah.

Thank you for what you're doing. I love what you're doing. Where can people find you and all things. Let's Talk. And Talia Madoc And. And, I mean, I bet three years ago you never thought that this would be.

No, it still tickles me to this day. But like I said, like, you just roll with the punches, and I can't commend you enough for what you're doing. Becoming bulletproof. I watch you coach people. I watch you share vulnerably and raw. And I learned so much from you. And I think we have this little voice in our head that says, who do we. You are like, who's listening? But people are listening, and it's not for us. It's. It's for everyone else. So Instagram is Talia Interiors, but I also have a breast implant illness, one just at Talia Maddock on Facebook. They can find me. And then we'll give you a link to the website for let's Talk as well.

What is that website?

Well, they're working on it now, so.

Okay, beautiful.

Yeah, we can. You can email me at Talia Koran interiors.com or letstalkbreasthealth.com I'll give that all to you, Beautiful.

Make sure you follow her. And she's such a beautiful soul inside and out. I want to thank you so much for not only taking your time to. This was a beautiful conversation.

I knew it would be.

I knew I did, too. And I didn't expect to get as emotional as I did. But, you know, you're a safe place, and you are a huge catalyst in speaking so beautifully about this horrible thing that we had to go through.

And I could not thank you enough for using your voice so beautifully. It really helped me at a time that I didn't know if I'd ever have a voice again.

So I encourage every one of you listening to follow her. You will see this evolve. I mean, people are talking about it left and right now. Two and a half years ago, when we were faced with this, nobody was talking about it, so we were kind of lone wolves in this again. If you loved this episode, if it landed on your heart, please, please, please, please, please. This is such an important message to share. I believe that we handled it with such beauty and grace in a way that I think anybody listening can benefit from. So please tag us, screenshot it, share us.

Leave a review so we can get this message out to more people. And with that, I thank you so much, beautiful lady.

I love you.

I love you, too. Thanks for showing up today.

Absolutely. Thanks for having me.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me. If you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.