100: Top 10 things that 100 podcast episodes have taught me in 2020

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kicking in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go. FOREIGN.

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today is a very, very special day. And so if you didn't know, today is December 1st. And it's hard to believe that this year is finishing up, but today is a very special day, December 1st. And this kind of goes into everything I've talked about over the last year regarding Enneagram and personality types. This is classic. This is a beautiful way to start this episode.

So today's December 1st, and it was 20 years ago that my daughter, who was four at the time are about to turn four, declared that December 1st would be St. Casey's Day. So she's an enneagram7, as you guys have been following along. So it's no surprise that this free spirit declared this day her day. So she was born on December 22nd. And I'm just going to let you all know, the girl has never been gypped with her birthday. She gets lots of attention. But all my Enneagram sevens out there know that you need a lot of excitement. Excitement all the time. And what better way to have excitement than declare a day yours? So this cute little firecracker at 4 years old said, well, you know, since we're celebrating Jesus that week, how about we declare? She didn't use the word declare. How about we have St Casey's Day on December 1st and we all have to wear pink so beautifully. This has stuck for 20 years strong. And people know about it. Like Facebook friends will text me on that day. People that Casey doesn't hear from very often. Everybody knows on December 1st it's St Casey's Day. And it's so cute. It's very, very cute. It's very Enneagram seven of her. And when I think about that Sweet little angel. At four years old, it was a very pivotal time for me as well, because that was the beginning of my awakening and the awareness that I was about to repeat history if I didn't repair some things. And it was looking into the eyes of my beautiful daughter, who looked just like me as a little girl when I realized that, oh, my goodness, I am mad at this little girl, and I don't know what to do with this, and I don't want to take it out on her. She was this. This example of what I believed I should have had. You know, that childlike innocence, that free spirit. And even though I'm not an enneagram7, I believe we're all born with this innocence. And today's episode is my 100th episode on this podcast, and.

So I'm not surprised that it landed on this beautifully special day.

You know, I have been thinking a lot about what this last year. I started the podcast. I think I launched it on New Year's Eve last year, and we were all going into 2020, you know, new decade, new year. You know, we were all so excited about what this year would bring. And.

Very quickly into 2020, we realized that, wow, we didn't see that one coming. Right. And so this episode are the top 10 things that. Not that I've just learned, but reinforced. When I was writing my list out of the top 10 things that 100 podcast episodes have taught me in the year 2020.

I believed all of it before, but it was all reinforced and even grew to deeper levels along the last 100 episodes. So I'm going to take you through some of these, I think, you know, as we round out this holy crap, did that really just happen kind of year, we can choose to look at it, that it was a beautiful gift. That's the camp that I am in. Even though it's been very, very challenging and hard and all the things, or we can play victim to it, we always have a choice. And. And those of those that are close to me know that that's usually what I'm going to say when we vent or get out some stuff. The beautiful thing is that, is that we always have a choice. And the hard part of all of this is we always have a choice. So I'm going to take you through the top 10 things that I have really learned at a deeper level and reinforced over 100.

Podcast episodes. And for those of you that have been loyal followers and listeners and sharers of this podcast, I just want to say thank you so much. The Podcast is probably one of my favorite things that I do and the hardest thing that I do. I'm a very instinctual person. So to come up with topics that I hope lands where you need it to is not easy for this girl.

Especially planning things ahead. I am strategic, but I'm not the best planner because I am so instinctual as an enneagram 8. And when I was looking through the 100 episodes and the guests that I've had on over the last year and the topics we've covered and, you know, a lot of Enneagram inspired episodes which going into 2021, we are. We are going full force into Enneagram integration, not just information, because information doesn't equal transformation. And I am dedicated and so passionate about transforming. I have been a transformation junkie since probably my daughter was four years old when I got a taste of, you know what I am not what happened to me, that does not have to define me. I'm going to let everything that happened in my life refine me. And that is what this show has been all about to me. And going into 2021, I am committed and passionate about showing you what real transformation looks like through the people that I lead, Coach Guide, that have trusted me with part of their transformation. And if this is a new podcast that you are listening to, I encourage you to go back and listen to some of the last 100 episodes, some of my closest. And people that have inspired me along the way came and shared their beautiful truths with us so that we could all learn from each other. And I believe in a year like 2020 when it has felt isolating.

Even though we have technology, thank goodness for that. I think we are really craving human connection and that one to one and even a hug from anyone kind of thing. And so I want you to take this episode and the things I'm going to share with you. The top 10 things that, I mean, these are some of my definitely things that I operate in my life. And I hope that they serve you too. So the number one, the first thing that I've really learned, and as an enneagram 8, this one has been a challenging thing for me and it will continue to be for my life. Life. And I want to say probably the sevens, eights and threes on the Enneagram probably will struggle with this the most since we're the more assertive types on the Enneagram. But the power of the pause, right, Those three types are the quickest to react to things. It looks very different for all three, but I'M a very reactive person naturally. And as we grow into our levels of health, it's not just me saying, you know what? I'm an enneagram8. This is how I am. So suck it, deal with it. I've said before, the Enneagram is not to be used as a weapon or a wall.

The goal is to grow to the highest level of health within your beautiful personality. As an enneagram8, I'm very instinctive, very reactive naturally. But the power of the pause really has me kind of do a gut check and a compassion check. Because a lot of the times when we choose to react, it's usually because somebody's touched a wound, they've hit a vulnerable spot. We want to protect ourselves. Especially, you know, the more protective types or those of you that go into wanting to help everybody and putting your own needs aside. I mean, we can go into all the types or, you know, you need certainty. So you're like, you know, and damage control all the time. Sometimes just. The power of the pause really is something that has saved my ass a lot. It has saved me from hurting people. It has saved me from saying yes to things that really are a hell, no.

It has allowed me to really check my motive. And so when you pause, you can get to the root of why maybe something triggered you, why you're about to say yes to something that you shouldn't, why you are spinning out. Right. The power of the pause is probably one of the greatest gifts that I have ever given myself, and one of the things that I usually will do, you know, especially if, you know, with text messaging and all of that, even in live and in person, I've had to practice the pause, and that's. That one's harder, you know, with a text message or emails or. Or, you know, correspondence. That way, it's. It's a little easier to pause. But when you're face to face with somebody and saying, you know what?

I'm going to take a little break here because I know that I'm going to react and I don't want to, and then I'll have to apologize for things that maybe aren't the root of what I'm feeling. It's. It's a beautiful gift you give yourself and other people. And, you know, when we can communicate from the true motive of our heart.

There'S a lot less wreckage we have to get through. Okay. Second thing that I have learned and reinforced in 100 podcast episodes is that clarity and chaos can't reside in the same place. And this is a beautiful gift of the Enneagram too is as you really dive in and learn about yourself and understand what level of health maybe you are at in your Enneagram type. And as you focus on moving to a higher level of growth, the more that you do that, the more you'll have clarity. And when we are coming from a place of clarity, that is our true heart's desire and our most authentic self. When we are filled with chaos in our brains, you know, my. Some of my five, six and sevens can look a little more chaotic because they are in the head triad. The instinctual people usually look a little less chaotic because they don't want you to see it. And then there's the heart people that they can look a little chaotic in different ways. But when we are operating from that place of chaos, we can never have clarity and we can't trust that intuition. And so as we learn more about ourselves and you know, our growth patterns based on our Enneagram type and our stress patterns based on our Enneagram type, and even, you know, when we tap into our wings at certain point in our subtypes, when we have more clarity about ourselves, not everybody else, you got to first learn you first. And then you can tap into really knowing who you're talking to all the time. When you have clarity about who you are and what motivates you and the things that you're passionate about and your underlying emotions, they don't have to control you, they're important. But when you have clarity about that, then you're operating from intuition. When we are in chaos, we are operating on just reacting, reacting, reacting. And when we are operating from a place of reacting, there's usually a bunch of shrapnel left behind and a wake of bodies, you know, because we're just powering through to protect ourselves or to be right or insert your usual.

The third thing that I have learned in 100 podcast episodes is that your inner circle isn't shit unless you lean into it. And this, the last three years, I would say has been the biggest lesson in that. Three years ago, when I faced a very, very serious health crisis, like literally didn't think I was going to make it out of 2017.

I had good friends. I mean, they were, am, but I wasn't necessarily the good friend. And I don't mean that like I was selfish or anything like that, but I would only let people get to arm's length of me, even my closest people, even my own children. And that was a very eye opening moment. That, you know, I could stand on stages in front of 20,000 people and write a beautiful, super vulnerable and transparent post that I believed would serve you. And it did. But real vulnerability is letting people close to you in real time, in crisis or in pain. And I had never done that in my entire life. Not once. And in 2017, it was a wake up call for me. Not just like, life is too short, but you know what? I need real friends I will let get close to me. And as an enneagrammy, we keep our or circle super, super, super, super small. And there's really, other than my children, there's maybe three or four people that really see me in real time. Go through, go through it. But your circle is really, really important.

Only when you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable in real time. And that's been probably the greatest gift as well. That's when I discovered what true intimacy was. Intimacy into me, you see, and I had never experienced intimacy until three years ago. And I don't mean the good, you know, sexy time intimacy, although that's pretty cool too. But I'm talking about like people seeing all of you. It's scary. It's still the scariest thing for me for sure. All right. The fourth thing that I have learned, and I'm always in this process, always, is that not everyone makes the cut, you know, and this brings us into number five as well. I'll kind of put four and five together. Not everyone makes the cut. And it doesn't mean that we are better than anyone or we think, you know, somebody is an asshole. It doesn't mean that at all. Every single person that has come into your life is here for a season, a reason or lifetime. And very few people will make the lifetime cut. And it doesn't mean that we're wrong, but we're always evolving. And environment is stronger than willpower. And unless you're surrounded by people that will push you with love.

You'Re going to stay stagnant and you're not going to grow into the calling that's on your life or the love that's waiting for you or the health that is waiting for you or the business idea. Like, you're never going to step into that if you are surrounded by people that aren't open to growing or open their minds to new things. And I grew up in a generation that, you know, we were raised that you do xyz and none of that was bad for that time. And I love the lessons I have gotten from those people. And even in the last 10 years when I have really accelerated my own personal transformation. I have had amazing close friends, and they are still close friends, but they are not the inner circle that is going to see me in real time. And they're great people and I've learned from so many along the way. And I know that I have helped others along the way, that I'm not their inner circle anymore. And that's totally okay. We don't have to have so much weight or we don't have to feel bad about knowing that sometimes people part. People's part in our story is changed or over and we can wish them well all along the way. You know, I've been married before. I've been in. Other than my marriage, I've been in one serious relationship that was like real. And although both of those ended not so beautifully, I'm so grateful for their part in my life. I learned so much from both of those people and the friendships that I've met along the way.

So important to who I've become. And you've heard me talk about like the Enneagram and all of this and the. The beauty of self awareness is it's like putting our life puzzle together. And we couldn't be who we are today without all those pieces. There's a song by Eric Church that I love so much. And I remember right after my dad died listening to it over and over. It's called for those We've Loved. And it really.

Touches on, you know, just because people's part in our story is over doesn't mean it has to be bad. You can take those beautiful lessons of love and life and laughter and all the things that everybody has brought to your life along the way. But if we want more for our life, and this is really, really important, if you have Learned nothing from 2020, is that life really can change at the drop of a hat, right? Sometimes we, when we want something more for our life, we have to make room for it. And that abundance, whether it's love or health or money or excitement or whatever it is that you're craving for your life, you have to make room for it. And sometimes that means letting go of relationships or altering how they are, the. The amount of time that is spent in them. And I know for me, like we've invested time in relationships and it's like, well, I've already invested time in this, so I'm going to kind of go the distance or I'm not a quitter. This isn't quitting. It's one of the strongest Things you can do honestly. And it doesn't have to be this hard conversation. You know, as I've grown as a human being, it's become an elegant process. You know, you've heard me talk about the Irish duck out. There's an elegant way to do the Irish duck out in relationships that really is honoring both people and just, it's. It comes from a level of gratitude. So know that, like, if you want more from your life, you're going to have to take an inventory of who gets your energy and who gets your time. And if you want more abundance, more love, more joy, then you might have to make room for a different.

Group of playmates to enter your life. So that was number four and five. Number six. This one, I know this one, like, as an enneagram 8, I'm pretty good in this. And I. This is the thing that I have helped with, you know, when I'm guiding people through the Enneagram and how this can help them about self awareness. When we have a level of self awareness, going back to number two about that clarity. When we have clarity, all of a sudden your bullshit meter is on high alert. So number six is your bullshit meter is usually on point. But here's the kicker. When we have a very strong bullshit meter and we are in tune and we know it's on point, the real beauty comes when you decide you don't always have to engage in calling it out. Not engaging actually is a bigger power move than engaging. And for my, again, my assertive types, especially, you know, some of those that are quick to react, I mean, engaging felt strong to me that, you know, when I look back at how I've operated most of my life, engaging felt like a power move. And as an enneagram8, I pretty much compartmentalized things as either strong or weak and engaging and proving my point or, you know, pumping up my chest and throwing down power moves felt.

Strong. And actually when I can sense bullshit a mile away, and especially people that know me, me not saying anything is probably the strongest power move I've got. And my dad used to say this to me when I was a little girl. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? He used to say, trace, you need to learn to be the master of the unspoken word. And he was an Enneagram 8 too, and very, very aggressive. Enneagram 8. I was like, what do you mean by that? And it wasn't until after he died and I really started to do my own transformational work that I understood that the Big, biggest power move I have is to not engage. Because here's the thing. You can spot bullshit a mile away, and especially in the climate of the world that we're living in, everybody's fighting over everything. And my rule of thumb usually in engagement is if I don't, if some. Whoever's on the other end, if they don't have an open mind or aren't willing to see the full picture, not just I'm not always right either, but if they're unwilling to see the whole thing, why would I ever waste that kind of energy and personal resources to argue nothing is going to be resolved? And the real strength is conserving your own energy and keeping that for something that you actually can make a difference with. So it's one thing to know your bullshit meter and trust that inner knowing, remember clarity. But you don't always have to engage on the bullshit meter and call it out. You're welcome. You'll thank me for that one later. And that goes with number one, the power of the pause, right? Huge. All right. Number seven. Sometimes you got to slow down to speed up. And I know every enneagram 3 and enneagram 7 pretty much just gasped because they're like, oh, hell no, no. And I know when I am leading enneagram threes, when I kind of start our work with. With them, I let them know, like, this is going to be the most painful part of our process, is sometimes I'm going to slow you down, right? Same thing with the sevens. I'm going to slow you down a little bit because sometimes we do have to, like, slow down so we can have clarity in order to really speed up. One of a mentor that I had, he used to tell me the difference between horsepower and torque. And a lot of the more like, go, go, go, go, go. People like the threes, the sevens, even eights can do it. Sixes can do it. Ones can do it. Like, we're always kind of go, go going.

When we burn on that horsepower all the time, we can't be as powerful, but, like, if you think about torque, it's like a power move. So sometimes we have to slow down to really.

Go as far as we want to go. And. And I will tell you, when we slow down, the hardest part about that is being with ourself. And that's why self awareness is so important. And I've struggled with that also, because slowing down felt weak, right, as an enneagram 8. But it actually is also one of the biggest strengths you can do is knowing when to slow down and knowing when to speed up. Now, some of my more withdrawn types, my fours, my fives, and my nines, I want you to take action. This is a little different for you three because you have a tendency to withdraw when things get a little hairy. I mean, we all have that tendency, but especially the fours, fives and nines. I actually want you to take action. So. But for those, for. For a majority of people.

It'S not necessarily a problem of speeding up. It's. It's that gift of slowing down. All right, number eight, life doesn't sugar coat shit, right? 2020 has taught us that nobody was immune to this. You know, life is hard. Life is going to be hard. And hard doesn't mean bad. Hard can be beautiful and exhilarating and exhausting and all of the things. And you know, one of the things that the Enneagram really can help you is navigating the full range of human emotion. They're all important. They're all important to grief. They're all important to get to acceptance. They're all important for every aspect of our life, whether it's business and love and communication and parenting and our own personal development. Feeling a full range of emotion is going to be super and super important. And you may have heard me talk about this movie before, but it's called Inside Out. It's a kid's movie, and it is one of probably my top 10 favorite movies. But it's such an innocent way to explain why all the emotions are so important. And, you know, for the longest time, I was afraid to feel certain emotions again. They felt weak, they didn't feel productive. But when I realized that I was bypassing those certain emotions or trying to avoid them, I was never getting to acceptance. And when we don't get to acceptance on things, we're going to keep learning the lesson over and over or it's going to be presented as a lesson over and over and over again. It's why we have, you know, repeating patterns and the same shit keeps showing up, but different packaging, right? And.

More than ever, you know, understanding that we have all these emotions, they're all very, very important. But learning how to navigate them so they don't take us out is the most important part of all. And I love helping people get to that point. All right, number nine, there is always another level, another level of awareness. And I'm probably one of the most self aware people. I always have been very insightful. But it's next level. I'm next level self awareness. Today And I will let you know that when we're interacting with human beings and life happening, you're going to realize that there's always another level. And I'm just going to let you know, just know that that's the way it is until your time on earth is done. Till God calls you home. Just. I'm still surprised. Sometimes I'm like, holy, I didn't see that one coming. Like, holy. Like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Yes. This is the truth. Just sign up. I'm here for it. I encourage you to be here for it too. Because that way you can adopt the belief that everything happens for me, like everything, even the really shitty hard parts, even the heartbreak, even the scary stuff, it is all here for you if you choose, if you choose to look at it that way. And I will tell you, I was not somebody that chose to look at shit that way. A decade ago, when I was living through the recession and all of that of 2008, I felt like life was happening to me and it was poor me and I was pissed and I was bitter and I was going to make everybody around me as miserable as I was. And honestly, like, the more that I operated from that place of everything is happening to me, the more that shit kept happening. But when I really said, you know what? I have a choice. Everything is happening for me, a lot less hard things happen. And, you know, you've heard me talk about the last 18 months of my life been hardest, hardest year and a half of my life, hands down.

But because I can operate from the place like this is here for a beautiful reason. Even this heartbreak, even this terrible pain that I'm in, it has allowed me to grow as a woman, as a mother, as a friend, as a lover, as a business owner in ways that I never thought possible. Because I'm willing to look at the next level of awareness. And I encourage you to too. All right, number 10, finally, this is the most beautiful one of all. And I learned this one.

When I was going through recovery, actually learned it. My ex husband's grandfather, who when he passed away, he had close to 50 years of sobriety. And this is long before I knew I had a problem. I was denial in denial of the, you know, all the addiction and coping mechanisms that I use. But he used to say, and he was so cute. He was Irish guy and you know, he died, God, 22 years ago now. But he used to say, kiss, kiss, sweetheart. He used to call me sweetheart. He was amazing. Kiss. Keep it simple, sweetheart. Don't Sweat the small stuff. This too shall pass. Be in the moment. I think when we operate from those other nine things I just shared with you.

I am able to be so present in every single moment. I believe that's the greatest success you can have, is the ability to be present with whomever or whatever is in front of you right here, right now. Because we're not guaranteed tomorrow, yesterday can't happen again. And so keeping it really simple, sweetheart, is honestly one of the greatest gifts not only for myself. You know, my love language is quality time with people. And that doesn't always mean in person. I mean, a lot of the people that are closest to me, I don't get to see every day. But quality time, when people are taking time out of their life to give to you as a gift, the ability to be present in that and honor it, is a next level of vulnerability that I'm so grateful for. It's why quality time is so important to me, especially with those that I choose to have in my life. It's the greatest gift you can give to your children in 2020. When there's so much uncertainty and you're parenting from home and schooling from home and trying to keep a roof over your head, it's easy to think outside of the simplicity that this one day that is here and right now can give you. But when we can be in the moment and keep it simple, sweetheart, that is the greatest gift of all. So that is the main 10 things that were reinforced over 100 podcast episodes. The Enneagram has helped really accelerate and deepen how I feel about all those things. I know that as we are moving very rapidly into 2021, you are looking at life with a different set of eyes, new lenses, new deeper perspective of what is really, really important to you. And if you need help in getting clarity on what that means for you and your Enneagram type, or you and your family, or you and your partner and business partners, whatever that looks like. I would be honored to guide you through the journey. You can find me on Instagram tracyomally or@tracyomalley.com at the work with Me section. And as we move into 2021, you're going to hear what real life integration of Enneagram and more. I'm way more than just an Enneagram coach, y', all, if you haven't figured that out. I really just use that framework and powerful tool to really rev up the engine and get transformation happening and you're going to be able to hear that live on this show. And I'm really looking forward to it. I'm a little nervous, but if this is something that you want to lean into, please don't hesitate to reach out. And if you loved this episode, it would mean the world to me. If you shared it. If you haven't already and you've been a loyal follower listener, you've you've gained something from my almost 50 years of wisdom that I've shared along the way in the last hundred episodes. It would mean the world to me if you went over to itunes and left a review however many stars you see fit. But a written review would mean the world to me. I want to know what's on your heart and what more I can bring to you. And until next time, here's to becoming bulletproof. Happy St. Casey's Day, y'. All.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it. And tag me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work.

Let's become Bulletproof. Sa.