103: Building a new life with Kimberly MacDonald (Enneagram 2W3)

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur.

And master performance and business coach.

I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And as I round out 2020, I've told you that I'm going to bring you all of my inner circle. So like my, my closest friends and my babies to really just. I mean it. My, my knowledge of the Enneagram and really integrating it started with the people that meant the most to me, quite honestly. And the beautiful woman I am bringing you today, I sure as hell manifested the crap out of her, gosh, over almost three years, four years ago now, which is crazy. And it all started with a house renovation. And you know.

We both knew my contractor through kind of a whole weird, twisted back ended story which we don't need to go into. It's crazy how it all happened, but as I posted pictures of my renovation, we became online friends. And I just knew the second like we interacted even over dog bowls, that this girl was going to be in my life. And I knew she was going to bring a lot of things that have been missing in my life into it. And she, she has delivered just as I imagined and then some. Which is scary as shit for me. But when, when we talk about her personality type, she's a two on the Enneagram and she's got a strong three wing for sure. And she is bold and unapologetic in her loving of people. So much so. And you guys all hear me, that's not my natural go to. So the fact that I manifested this beautiful light of heart and soul and laughter, when you hear her laugh, you'll just get it. It's just perfect. She was a missing piece for my life for sure in a lot of ways. And you know, when we ended up beginning a networking group together, I had no idea what the hell I was getting into. She was rejected by a networking group which, you know, remember that Pretty Woman scene? Like big mistake like that is like, you know, rejecting Kimberly McDonald is a huge mistake because tell her she can't do something and this little five foot nothing spitfire is going to come at you hot and come back bigger, better and bolder. And she did. And I'm so glad she was rejected because that's how we became really, really close is in building this networking thing from scratch. And she kind of tricked me into it because.

Had I known what the hell I was getting into, I've been like the Irish duck out and been long gone. But you know, it was her that kept me in it close to three years. I showed up every week to just feel her love. And even though I've since moved on, she is one of my very, very best friends in the whole wide world. She's the one I go to when I just need anything, quite honestly. And it's not easy for me. But she's so beautiful and inspiring. And here's the thing, she's the mom of three. She's got a set of twins who and we'll talk about their Enneagram types. There's a four and a six in her twins, twin boys. And then she's got a little girl who actually shares the same birthday as me and she's an eight and she's an Aries and my God, are you in trouble. And she has the most amazing love of her life who's also a six and navigating. That is beautiful inside and out. And she is a hardcore entrepreneur, high level real estate agent for what, nine years now. She is a badass.

And the thing I love watching this is one of my favorite things when I'm with her is people underestimate her because she's so bubbly and cutesy and funny and she's like you would think like cheerleader. And you know, you underestimate her for sure. But oh my God, back her into a corner and she will come out swinging and like she over, like under promises or what is it?

Under promise, over deliver.

Yeah, thank you. Like my brain isn't working.

That's right here.

Thank you. Yeah, she's the brains of the duo here. Like, and it's funny because when we were in our networking group together, she was the president and she suckered me into being a vice president. I didn't know what I was.

The velvet hammer.

The velvet hammer. I was the bad cop, she was the good cop.

And it was a great team. And you know she. She is a powerhouse. And not just in business and in motherhood and in wifehood, but in friendhood, too. She's, like I said, one of my very, very, very best friends in the whole wide world. And you guys are in for a treat to meet Ms. Kimberly McDonald. Hello.

Hello. Sweetest, most wonderful interaction I've ever heard my whole life.

And brought me to tears almost.

Oh, my God, I love you so much. You truly are one of my best friends in all the world.

And I'm so happy to be here.

A little nervous and so happy all.

At the same time.

Is this like your first podcast interview?

100%. And the only person I would ever do it for.

See what I mean about her laugh? It's just beautiful. She told me she's like, I tried to feel, figure out how I could cancel on you, but there's no way to cancel on nowhere to find me.

So I want to take you back to kind of like how we met, because I'm not the easiest person to become friends with. Quite honestly, I'm quite difficult. And you just kind of weaseled your way into me. I will find you.

I love you. Oh, my gosh.

I can't even.

I could not wait to be friends with you. You're so fun and so energetic and just. You have that light about you that's just pure love and genuine. There's not a lot of genuine people that genuine. And you're a safe place to be around. And so I could not wait to.

Be friends with you, you know? And then when you told me, like, you had gotten my book or something, didn't you? And like, I don't even talk about.

That damn thing, so it's crazy. I actually read it on the way to my sister's bachelorette party.

I had the five hour flight to.

Florida and I was sitting in a seat by the window, bawling my eyes out because you and I pretty much lived the most parallel life. And you know, you don't wish an eating disorder on your worst enemy. And it's something you can't really. It's easy. It's not easy to quit drinking or drugs, but you can take yourself out of those situations versus eating. You have to do it every day, day. And so listening to your story and reading it, I just. Everything about our stories are so parallel and it's amazing to have two of us out living our best life. And I always remember thinking, if I could put all the energy I put into this bad habit, what I could accomplish. And so to read your Book was just everything, and I just. I knew we had to be besties, for sure.

Yeah, that was a powerful moment for me because I don't talk about that damn book a lot. And I forget some amazing story.

If anybody hasn't read it, it's one of the best.

You know what's funny about that is I think I told you a story. Like, I wrote it kind of when I was really, really sick. And. And it came back from the editor, and I never read it. And I just had, like, my assistant read it and edit it, you know, if there was like. So I never read it until two months ago. I finally read my book two months ago, and, girl, I was reading that first chapter and I was bawling.

I showed up to her house, and I was in the cab reading the last page, wiped my tears off. And then I was like, okay, you can pull it to the house, because I just had to finish it. And, oh, my God, it's so touching.

And so well written. And.

I don't know about that because there's not a lot of people that talk about eating disorders in such a way, in such an impactful way. And I thought you really did.

Well, it was crazy because Casey, my daughter, walked in as I was reading it, bawling, and she goes, mom, you kind of know how it goes.

Leave it to.

You can live it. And it's so, like, you just. You go back to all the emotions you were feeling and what you thought.

Of yourself and how you treated yourself. And it's like I said, you don't wish on your worst enemy. Because I wouldn't treat my worst enemy that way. Why did I treat myself that way for 13 years? And you do go into those emotions and feel them deeply.

Yeah, it was crazy. And I'm always saying, I believe that God gives us the children that we need to learn the most from and as well as the friendships and life partners that are here to teach us the most. And I knew when you showed up, like, I've only had about four people in my life where when they showed up in my life, it kind of takes my breath away. And you're one of those four. Like, holy shit, this is my person. Like, this is a person for me and, like, for me to feel that. And I knew the minute I met you, I was like, this girl is the opposite of me. I mean, we have the same fireball, like, take no shit, don't fuck with us kind of attitude, but we're very, very different in. We navigate things. And I love that back in the day I wouldn't have wanted a friend like you because I would have been like Jesus Christ, like, so much. So many feelings.

So true.

There's so many feelings. They're like overflow. What?

So sensitive.

Right?

But you teach me how to feel. Like, I specifically have the people in my life that make me feel things instead of me just powering through things. And you slow me down a little bit to really laugh, which is not an easy thing for me to do. Like, growing up, I couldn't laugh a lot because, you know, if I laugh, then I could be violated or be in a vulnerable situation. So you bring that innocence and childlike spirit to my life. But also like this. This girl has my back 100%. So when. When we met and we started kind of interacting in business and friendship and all of that, and I started talking about the Enneagram, what did you think that was at first? Like, what did you think about it?

Didn't know exactly what it was. But obviously I'm so interested in self help and how to improve myself and all that. So I was so intrigued by it and understanding it. But I was also like, oh, here we go again, like on another, like, self help journey. But I didn't quite understand it because you have the disc testing. You have so many other options. You know, you have. We did the disc testing, we've done the love languages, we've done all those different things, but they kind of just give you that very surface level.

Response on what you are and what your family is. And so, you know, once you started talking more and more about it, I was like, oh my God, I need.

To talk to you.

Just because, you know, I tend to just look for people that are like myself just because it's a comfort zone rather than branching out and seeing how we can work together. And that was one of the most unique things that you do, is you bring people that don't work well together to work together. And the biggest thing for me was my family and, you know, my twins. And I had Liam. Liam was the one that actually brought me to you to start navigating the Enneagram. And he's our number four. And I was like, I cannot even come down to his. I don't know what's going on with him. And it was temper tantrums and screaming and just there was nothing that would bring us in a way that made sense. And I was just so lost. And I was so devastated because he's. I just. My kids are my everything. And so to Be that off with your child that you spend almost every day with. It's just crazy. So that was the most incredible thing and the best gift. You know, you talk about me coming into your life, but, my God, the dynamic of our family after we did the Enneagram is so different. It's just incredible. And Liam and I are literally the.

Best of friends now. We're the two peas in the pot. And out of all the kids, you.

Know, Liam and I probably spend the most time together. He's always coming to me instead of dad, which is pretty much the biggest gift, because you can see what a turn of events the Enneagram made in our life.

I think, like, you know, when it comes to the Enneagram, some people have this school of thought that it should not be used with children. And it's not like we're going, Liam, you're a four. Jameson, you're a six. Emmy, you're an eight. And, you know, it's not like that. Oh, yeah. God help you.

My sassy little girl. I freaking love her.

Oh, my God.

Literally, Mini, I am super excited about what she's going to become, though. Look at you.

Well, girlfriend, it could go either way. So.

Save college money or bail money.

It could go either way.

Either way.

It's gonna be fun.

Yeah. So, like, I am one of those that, like, my children also were. Why I was like, well, wait a second. Like, when I was reading about myself and recognizing that the same thing, like, I talk to people as though everybody's an eight, and clearly that's very intense and not working so well in my life.

And as I was reading, I was like, okay, Casey is not an 8, and neither is Joey. And, no, this shit is going sideways real quick. And it was because of them that I started to dive into it. Now, for four years, I had been using the Enneagram in my home, and neither one of them knew it. So when I talk about, like, the Enneagram and children, you know, you can kind of figure out, especially as good of a mom as you are, you knew what motivated your kids. And when I was asking the questions about each kid and getting to the root of who they are, not just the behaviors, because the behaviors we're seeing, like, was a lot. A lot of emotion. And that could be a 3, it could be an 8, it could be in 1, it could be a 4, it could be all sorts of things. But the more questions we asked to get to what motivates Liam is how we were able to kind of land, let's Try speaking to him as though he may be a 4. It's not like we're like, Liam, guess what? Sit down. You're the individualist and you're the romantic. And here's your issue. No, no, no, no.

He totally got that.

Yeah. Yeah. All five. Five years old of him.

Now we're best friends.

Game over. He. He now studies enneagram too. But I just told her. I was like, okay, this is how you bring the best out of a four. And she just started speaking life into him. And I. It was unbelievable to watch this firsthand. What was the biggest change you noticed in him?

The temperature interims.

They were gone.

Within a week. We started doing the one on instead of. We used to do twin dates so the twins would either mommy or daddy. And so the biggest thing was the separation of the twins and putting them each with one of us. And they got to pick whatever they wanted to do. And.

Feeling seen, heard and understood where you're three. And specifically taking him and listening to him and honoring him as a person and letting him be the funny guy and very. You know, we tried to be equal, and instead of doing that, we spoke differently to each boy even when we were all together. And that was such a big difference. And literally within a week, every single one of the temper tantrums stopped. And even now, if he gets really emotionally upset, he calms down and he comes and talks to me to tell me what is happening, what's wrong. Not like a crazy sit down, but he can. He knows I'm gonna listen to him instead of needing to act out to get our attention because he feels those three things. And so the temper tantrums, that was crazy because those would be like hour long.

Issues like screaming and taking him to his room and timeouts. And none of it was working. None of it.

I mean, here's the thing, like with you and Liam, so you've got like Jameson and Drew are the sixes in the house like your husband and your other twin is a six. And then you got Emmy, who's in a land all on her own.

So you've got like the. The two boys, your husband and James, Jamie and the one. And then you and Liam are actually both in the heart triad. So even though you were butting heads, you're actually the most alike. You both have the same motivating. Like you need to feel significant in some way. And for a four, I mean, that's a constant seeking of significance within themselves. They tend to think there's something missing from themselves. So the more that especially early on in their life they're seen, heard and understood. They can step into the creativity whether it's musically or artistically or verbally or whatever, you know, anything he is.

That's exactly, yes, 100%.

So with Jameson, the six, my little.

Six, he's daddy's mini me, like to.

A T.

How has that been navigating that? Because they tend to worry a lot and you know this well by being married to one. Sure.

He, he definitely gravitates towards Andrew because Andrew has a way of talking to him that's way better than me. I mean I could try all day long and I'll snuggle him to pieces and he, he's my cuddle bear for sure. But Andrew, so good at talking him in such a gentle, loving manner that just resonates better. And we totally know our roles and we're not. I'm not upset about him because I know how much he loves me but I do tend to go to Andrew to help me with that just because I know it's not going to land the way I want it to. And with Andrew, he can calm him down in like two seconds.

And so yeah, they speak the same language for sure.

Totally. They totally speak the same language and they are very, very much. He's analytical and in his head and. And so I think that's what Andrew keeps him from doing too, too much. And so we try to, you know, most of the things that he wants to do are very analytical and very focused, driven.

So that being said, have you noticed like with Andrew, because you know, Andrew and I had a conversation about all of this too and really typing him properly. Have you noticed him shift in how he shows up Especially, especially with Jameson. It's almost like when you have one that's so much like you kind of reflecting back to you. What have you noticed different about how Drew kind of approaches the kids.

With.

Both Andrew and Jameson, the thing that I didn't like because they're so in their head that I often thought they just didn't care kind of thing. And so I took that and was more standoffish, to be quite honest, walking on eggshells because I didn't want Jameson to do a tantrum. I didn't want Andrew to be upset or go to drugs. And so for me I was like kind of walking on eggshells and we actually had a date night very quick after the enneagram and he had mentioned how he didn't think he was very important to me and it was the very opposite. Because I love him so much. He's my everything. But I noticed when I shifted the attention, like, the attention, love, the appreciation to both.

It's like a world of difference for them because even if they are in their head a lot, they're very, very sensitive and I mean, way more sensitive than I would have ever even imagined. And I've seen such a shift in my relationship with Andrew as well.

Yeah. With those sixes with Jameson and Drew, their driver for everything is the need for certainty and support and safety. And so you reassuring that in them all the time because you're so, like loving, you would assume people would just know that.

Totally. I mean, I mean, I just expected.

That, like, as if I would ever.

Be anything else to him. Like, I just. Yeah.

Yeah. The sixes in my life, even though it's not my natural go to just speak words of affirmation all the time, almost like I kind of tend to withhold that just for my own kind of bullshit story in my head. But when I have sixes in my life, I know how important that certainty is. And reminders of like, I got your back. I'm here. I love you, I care about you. And I can see really hard for me, for sure.

And so that's been a different change for me because not. Not that I don't want to give affirmations to anybody or anything. It's just an uncomfortable thing because I want it to always come across genuine.

Right. So you got my mini me that you.

Literally, like, we have the same damn birthday on top of it and.

The same baby pictures.

I know.

Crazy.

Oh, my God. I was showing somebody yesterday the pictures of me and Emmy and they were like, oh, my God. I'm like, I know. And she's like, she's an 8 hardcore.

I mean, there is no. There is no other number for her.

So here's the thing with that. So you as a two, when you're under stress, you can take on the unhealthy parts of what me and Emmy bring to the table. So she's only three and a half right now, but have you had those moments where you're like, I'm going to kill her a lot?

Yes.

I hate to admit it because obviously no me, unicorns and rainbows. But again, let's go back to the enneagram is my mom.

So my mom always said, sometimes it's best to give them the last word. And Emmy, you could say, no, don't say anything else. And she'll still just give you that last Word.

And like, all those little, like, struggles I have to bring up that and.

Just let her be her because it's. Otherwise, it's a power struggle because it hits my, like, need to be right and my eight ness. Yeah, it's really hard because it is.

A trigger for me, for sure.

Not even intentionally. She's just being three. But it definitely is butting heads quite a bit. You know, I just want her to wear a cute outfit and she does not.

I mean, you saw how many shades of pink you can put in an outfit.

She wears them all.

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's one of those things. It's like, let her, let her shine.

You know, but definitely hit some, some trigger points that I have to let her, Let her just be her.

I think about you and I, and had we met maybe 15 years earlier, this looks really, really different because both of us were not in our healthiest spot. Right. And so me as an eight, when I'm doing great, I take on the more beautiful parts of you. Right. So it's why we are so connected today, because we're both in a healthier spot. And like, we have the, the warm fuzzies. And of course, like, I'll cut a bitch if they mess with you. Right?

Ditto.

I know. So I've got that. But I think about that and that's why my son and I, who's a two as well, you two are so much alike in a lot of ways. And why we almost killed each other about a decade ago because that unhealthy 8 and him. And of course, I was just a train wreck. Eight, like, it's an explosion. So as you navigate past toddlerhood and go into like the junior high years, and I'll be there to remind you. Okay.

I feel like you're going to Aunt.

Tracy's now because I might kill you.

So as a very high level luxury real estate agent here in the Valley, I have never quite seen someone take care of people like you, do it and do it all while spinning all these other plates. You're still a beautiful wife that makes date time important. With your husband. You're on the floor playing with your children and just being sounding board for them. You live next door to your amazing mother, who is the dreamiest of all dreamies.

She is the freaking best. I love her.

And mom's a hardcore three, by the way. So, like, Kimberly here is a two with a three wing and mom's a three with a two wing. So that can be kind of.

Harry, I don't know if I think.

So. Like you, like you said, you tend to gravitate towards the people that are like you. But in the industry that you're in, you never know what the hell you're going to get.

True. Yeah.

So how do you navigate the parts of you and recognize who's in front of you and what. Whatever you need, however you need to show up. So whatever you're going to do is going to land on them because it's. This is a big deal in business. Yeah.

I mean, I would say that I used to kind of put on whatever face I needed to, to be whatever other people needed me to be. And that was actually a really hard struggle and a cause for my eating disorder. And so it is interesting. I've tried my very, very, very best to be as authentic and myself as possible and hope that that lands the right way with people. And I genuinely, deeply care about my clients and to get them the best deal and the best price and, you know, also the best experience. And so.

For me, I think being the most authentic version of myself is probably my number one priority. And I have also gradually learning as much as I have different ways on how I can talk to them that would resonate for them while remaining authentic. And so that has been a interesting way to work, but it has worked for me. And as far as they go, my biggest thing is I love what I do and I genuinely care deeply about everything. It's not just a one and done real estate transaction for me. I love following up and seeing what they've done with the house and how they're doing. And so.

Hopefully that makes it stand out a little more that I am as genuine as possible. So that's been my biggest thing, I.

Think in an industry that can be very competitive and cutthroat a lot of the times, I mean, especially right now, I mean, you are busier than all get out.

It's crazy out there.

I think healthy twos really do shine in that moment because you genuinely do give a shit. And it's not just a transaction. Like that is the gift of the helper, the two, the giver. And especially when you're healthier like you are. And here's something you may not have known is when a 2 is in a growing pattern, you take on the healthy four.

Did not know that.

And the four is always seeking to be their most authentic self and, you know, just be genuinely who they are. So, you know that giving spirit and that genuine heart of service that you have coupled with you in A growing pattern that takes on this beautiful, authentic light.

Like I was valuing myself, which, like you said, I put a lot of people before myself and so valuing what I can bring to the table and what I can help with that.

That came from one of our hikes.

It was one of the best feelings.

Just to know that I had grown so much to the point where I could value myself and my time and my family's time. Because there are a lot of times I've dropped everything I'm doing to run out. And eventually, if you're kind of walked on enough, you're there and just getting that confidence up and building that confidence. In the last three years, that's been everything. And you're a large, large part of that. And pushing that glass ceiling I put on myself, getting. Getting to push through that was pretty incredible.

Yeah, I remember when you did that. I was like, oh, shit. She didn't know. Like, I'm gonna push her again.

And here we go.

And it's super uncomfortable. But honestly, it's an amazing feeling to.

Know that I can hit those limits that I've. I've said with you.

Well. And as you keep growing at the rapid pace you are, you will hit those ceilings so much faster. I mean, the first time it took like a year and a half, and now it's like, boom, it's happening again. And it's girlfriend, it's going to keep happening.

You are.

You are a good coach and friend.

Well, and here's the thing. Like, when we allow ourselves to be taken for granted or not appreciated, resentment builds. And then. And even though you'll smile through a lot of it because that's who you are, eventually, like, that will bleed into the parts of your life that you love the most. And quite honestly, you only deserve people that appreciate and respect you because you're one of the very, very best I've ever seen at what you do. So, hell no. Thank you.

I definitely do.

The resentment thing is very true. And I honestly didn't even recognize it until we went through the who enneagram process. And it was. It was bleeding into everything. Friendships, family, everything. And I didn't realize how strong that side of me was. And getting rid of that and actually living in that authentic, say no, have boundaries.

It's.

It's been a blessing, a huge blessing, actually.

I remember when I was telling Joey the same thing because that he got basically the same school that you did with me because he is, like, so damn sweet. And I mean that like, not from a. Like, Wimpy way. Like, you two are very strong personalities, and you also just love people to death that you'll say yes, and then you're like, shit, I shouldn't have said yes. But now you're in it, and then you have guilt and then all the things. And I remember when I was teaching him how to lay down a boundary, it was almost like he wanted to vomit at the thought of.

Oh, my God. I know. We were literally at Kaleidoscope. And I remember the moment when I wanted to vomit.

I was like, sure. You're like, you're not gonna do this? I'm like, I don't think so. You're like, no, you're gonna do this.

Oh, God.

And it's just like anything. Like that first time we do, like, a hundred squats and we can't get up the next day. It hurts like hell, but, boy, are we glad we did it because we know our ass is gonna be popping in no time, right?

I guess.

Same thing with boundaries. The first time we lay down boundaries, it feels. Feels like we just lost a kidney.

Yeah.

I was ready to honestly apologize after I set the boundary.

And I was like, don't do it. Just don't do it.

It's an amazing thing watching twos really lay down the boundaries with so much love, not only for the person, but themselves. Because part of laying down the boundaries actually keeps you from enabling people and when we can. And whether or not they see that gift or not is totally none of your business. And most of the time, if they've been kind of taking you for granted, they're not going to see it as a gift. And in fact, they may attack or say shit or whatever, but it's none of your business. And so one of the things, like, with twos before, you just say yes. Like, thank God for text messaging for you toos, because it gives you, like, pausing time and you don't feel like, oh, shit, like, I gotta say yes.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

I remember the first time I told Joey, like, anytime somebody asks him for something, ask, like, just say this. Can I get back to you in 24 hours? He goes, mom, are you kidding me? That's terrible.

They would have to wait.

And I. And I also said, but, like, how would you feel if they decided to go with somebody else? I said, does your ego not like that? He goes, shit. Yeah. I'm like, well, that's a sign that this is not healthy for you. Like, you're doing things that aren't for you for the wrong reason. And when he understood that and started laying down the boundaries, now he's, like, all in. As happy as you were and playing music and, like, creative writing. And I. And I think that's also why you're able to really get on the floor and play with the kids and not like. Like, you've. You've been able to successfully compartmentalize, like, work and kids and not feel like when you're with the kids, you're feeling guilty because your phone's ringing. Or when your phone's ringing, you're feeling guilty because, like, the kids need you. Like, you've done a beautiful job with these boundaries now that you're getting all the beautiful parts of life.

Thank you. Yeah. I would say probably one of the biggest gifts that shed light on how to set the boundary was saying no to the things you don't want so that you can say yes to the things that you do. And that even goes for clients. I mean, for clients. Even saying no to one client who's taking you for granted and doesn't care allows you to be there for an amazing client that's gonna be a lifelong friend. So that was a gift. That was a huge gift.

And I found that, like, in my friendships, too. It's probably why I only have, like, three friends.

Whatever.

Only by choice. Cause everybody freaking loves you, girl.

Yeah. But boundaries, you know, So.

I don't have a problem with boundaries. Clearly.

My boundaries have walls. Yeah, My boundaries have walls and moats around them and, like.

Coming in no matter what.

Yeah. Like, I have, like, 18 chains on the locks. Like, you're not getting through. You may think you're through, but, like, you are through. Like, you got.

Yeah, I brought my sledgehammer. I was there long ago.

Yeah, you guys, don't underestimate a T, too. They'll come in hot for you if they love you. Like, seriously love you. And, like, your friendship is one of my greatest gifts in my life. Like, ditto. Oh, my gosh. What do you love most about being a 2?

I.

Honestly, from a young age, I've always.

I remember skipping high school to be with friends. Just say, don't you care about your grades? I was like, I'm here for the relationships.

And so.

I mean, since I was a kid, that was it.

I love the relationships that I can have that are genuine and authentic and wonderful. And I love caring about people. People are everything to me. And so being able to love people the way I do, I don't hold back on that. And I don't feel bad about It.

I think twos that are healthy are the best, some of the best leaders and people in the world because you are so compassionate and genuinely empathetic and care. And when you have the boundaries, then it's like you are able to say yes to the greatest things and know your own worth and recognize that your needs are equal as an and as important as those people that you serve. And when you are taking care of yourself, you can serve at the highest, highest level. And I know that you do. What is the thing that frustrates you most about being a 2?

Probably that I equally care as much as I do. It's a catch 22.

I mean, there's certain people I could walk away from easier than I do. You know, you and I have talked about that. Just some things that friendships that don't benefit me in, in the way of who I am now.

You know, I've said this a lot, that our greatest gift is also on the, like, the butt end of our biggest thorn. So, like, the reason, like, that your biggest struggle is that you care so deeply about people, but it's also your greatest gift. So I say this to people like that for two, when you care so deeply about people and you're not in your healthiest form, it's coming from a place of fear, insecurity, and unworthiness. But when you are growing, your caring for other people comes from a place of love, compassion, and understanding. So, like, for me as an 8, like, my biggest struggle is my intensity.

I love that.

Well, because you got the good end of it.

Because I was like, I would not want to be on the other side.

Because you didn't know me prior to2012. So there's that.

I promise I don't want to be on that side.

It doesn't come out very much, but when it does. But like, same thing. My intensity when it was not, when it was my thorn, it. I mean, it's ugly when it's coming from fear, insecurity, and unworthiness. But now my greatest gift is also my intensity because it makes people feel protected. It makes people know, like, oh, shit, if things go bad, guess who I'm calling? I'm calling Tracy. Like, totally right? And when it's coming from love, compassion, and understanding, it is your greatest gift. So I tell people there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing to fix when they come to talk about this. It's just, we need to flip where the come from is and have you coming from that place of love, compassion, and understanding. Of yourself first because you can't get with. You can't give what you're not giving yourself.

So true.

And you do it so beautifully. Like, you really, really, really do.

Thank you.

What is the hardest thing about being friends with me? An8 what's the hardest thing about being in relationship with an8?

Well, originally, I mean, we talk and laugh about it all the time, but.

You were so closed off.

It was like. I mean, I got my hugs, but I mean, that was as close as we were getting. I remember you. We were in BNI at the time.

And you came up and you're like, am I.

Would you say I'm hard to get to know?

And I'm like.

And I literally. I think I almost spit my water across the table.

I didn't even mean to. But yeah, you were. You were a hard, hard one to. I think you were almost worried how.

You'D be perceived or you had this front that you had to keep up all the time. And so getting to know you immediately, almost after we had that conversation, we started going on our little adventure dates. And those were the best because then I really did get to know you and you opened up so much. And from there, it just built from there. And so I love that your walls did come down and they have ever since with me. And I don't say this lightly. You are genuinely one of my three very, very best friends.

I love you. And I know it's hard to love an 8 sometimes because we are so, like, energetically, you can feel when we're not present, even if we're there in body.

Yeah, that was it. The non. You.

You.

Your body was there, but there. I also. There were so many things going on in your life at that point as well that you were hurting so much and you weren't letting anybody there to love you. And I think being able to know that you can be sad and somebody's going to be there to hug you and not judge you is a really big deal.

And as I'm rolling my eyes because that feels so damn vulnerable and I.

Love it, but I just.

I know that there were so much that was going on that you didn't talk about.

Mm. You know when I said at the beginning of this that I've only had four times in my life that when I was in the presence of somebody, I felt like this was my person and equally felt extremely uncomfortable.

You know, two of them.

Yep.

Because you're one of them and you're responsible for the second one as well at this point. And you know.

Those fours, oh, they're so fun.

God help me. But I think, you know, in the past, I would have. Anytime I. Well, I hadn't felt that before, or if I felt that before, I would have completely, like, ran the other way. And the four of you that are in my life today, that immediately I got scared when I met you, but equally knew, knew that I was in a safe place. It's not something that is familiar for me. Yeah, I mean, you know my story. You know that. Yeah, I know for sure that that's not an easy thing for me to.

Lean into.

Yeah.

I'm so glad that, you know, when. When those damn dog bowls showed up on the Internet, we were meant to be, that we became online friends. And then just that God's timing and how everything in the last three years has unfolded. Seriously, Kimberly, you are, hands down one of the greatest gifts in my life and just so honored to let people into the people that mean the most to me and, and hear your light and love and just, gosh, thank you for being here and being like, oh.

Thank you for having me.

This is.

This has been a gift to.

To be a part of your amazing podcast and, and your life. I mean, even though I was a.

Little nervous, this was not terrible at all.

I told you, it's just you and I shooting the shit.

I know, I know.

But seriously, this has been such a gift and to be one of your top five means a lot.

Yeah. Gosh, I never would have thought that this would be what it is today. And I'm so grateful for my willingness to, like, get out of my own eight way because sometimes it's hard.

The girl relationships are hard.

I mean, I left an all girls.

School because of that cattiness.

And so knowing you can have really amazing women friendships is everything. You are one of those everything to me.

Yeah. You are one of those that have. Has taught me what true intimacy feels like. Intimacy is like into me, you see, and you're one of the very first that I've really allowed fully in. Not just after I figure shit out, but like, in real time in my ugliness, in my like, holy fuck, I am scared out of my mind, Kimberly. Like, I need your giggles right now. And just like, go, can you help me go cut a bitch? Because seriously, go find those God shots.

Let's go find them.

Oh, my gosh. I know that there's so many of you listening right now that, you know, one of the questions I get asked out, asked a lot about is parenting and how this looks. And this is the beautiful example of a mama that is so willing to always look in the mirror and see how she can be better, not just for herself and her business, but the legacy she leaves behind in those three beautiful kids and her husband. And I just. It's. It's such an honor, A, that you allowed me to be part of that journey, and B, that you allow me to have a front row seat for it because it's one of my favorite things to watch you guys shine as a couple and as a family. And I think that everybody listening today really benefited from all the things that you said, especially around the kids and business and Drew and just all of it. So thank you for your transparency today.

Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me and any parent that is listening seriously reach out to Tracy because it is a gift to be able to navigate the upbringing of kids with this. It really, really is. It has been a huge game changer for Andrew and my relationship and the three kids together because we did it. We did it as the five of us. And it has been a huge difference this year.

Yeah, especially this year with all the.

Seriously, there's been a lot of craziness right now and being stuck at home.

247 together for March. I mean, we had a blast and.

It could have gone downhill quickly had.

We not done this. My God. I know. That's why my phone's ringing off the hook with people, because they're like, how do we even deal with each other? So thank you for just your love, your light.

Thank you for all you do, your.

Friendship, and if you love this episode, it would mean the world to us and me and Kimberly too, if you shared it and let us know what you loved and learned about today. And until then, here's to becoming bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram at training traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.