107: Gratitude has the ability to change EVERYTHING

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur.

And master performance and business coach.

I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in.

The ass, you will discover that here.

Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go.

Hello and Merry Christmas Eve. Happy Holidays. All of it today. I can't believe 2020 is almost over. What a crazy, crazy year that brought so much to all of us. Different perspective. I don't know one person whose perspective hasn't shifted in 2020. It's. It's unbelievable, the turn of events. It seems like every month. And I know for some people it's been the best year of their life. And for other people, it's been the most terrible. And nobody is wrong. And you know, I. I know that some of my most challenging years for other people were great. And I want you to know that if you're in the camp of this has been a most terrible, terrible year, I want you to know that I have so much compassion for you. And I also know that when people were having great years when I was in the dumps, it was hard for me to be happy for them or to find something to be thankful for. And the more that I focused on the hardship and the heartbreak and the challenges, the more that that continued to happen. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or it wasn't without pain or fear or any of that. And I know this season can be especially hard for so many people, financially, emotionally. If you've been through divorce. I've been there too. All sorts of things. And family dynamics. And now with COVID And all of it changes how we can be with each other. It's just crazy town. But one thing I do know to be true, no matter what I've ever been through in my life, is that finding something to be grateful for always helps things. Maybe not immediately, maybe it doesn't shift our situation. There isn't a contingency plan when you are grateful. Grateful is a feeling and a belief that you Know what there is, there's always something we can learn from even the most horrendous of things. And, and with almost 50 years under my belt, I know that to be true. The very hardest things in my life have come before my greatest growth, my greatest joy, my greatest lessons. It's hard when you're in it to feel that, but I, I thought that because the holidays are here and you know, as we reflect on what this year has been, and looking at 20, 21 with clear eyes or even foggy eyes, I thought that giving you guys some tools today, maybe while you're cooking some dinner, wrapping presents, or just, you know, sitting by a fire or if you're like me a lot of time I'm alone a lot. I am. And so I really take the time when I am alone because that's usually where the stinking thinking can creep, that I try to pivot into gratitude right away very, very quickly. Because gratitude has the capacity to transform our experiences, our attitude, our self perspective. You know, when, when you think about the last time you experienced something challenging or with somebody that challenged you, like when we can have the things shift, the best and most efficient and feeling way that you can have anything shift is gratitude. Even though like those that really piss me off, when I can find compassion and gratitude for them, it doesn't mean I have to like them or engage with them. But when I feel gratitude for them, I don't go energetically bankrupt. Right. I think when we project a lot of this frustration and anger and we're white knuckling our life, we energetically bankrupt ourselves and, and none of us can afford that, not one of us. Right. So I think that, you know, being in a state of gratitude can also give you the capacity to shift perception of reality. You know, moments of disappointment, defeat, or you know, the whole numbing out, shutting down when held hand in hand with gratitude can be transformed to an awareness and self acceptance and self love and your energy will be different as well as your perspective on life and you won't feel energetically depleted and bankrupt.

Can you open to gratitude when your attitude is affecting your day? Trust me, this was not a strength of mine early on in my life. I mean, attitude is everything and gratitude can turn it around on a dime. Can you turn it around in the midst of difficulty? And when you do, are you aware of a shift in your perspective? I'm telling you, the more you practice this, the stronger the muscle gets and the easier it does get. It doesn't mean it's ever freaking fun. Or without pain. I must say that I think so often people will go into gratitude and they think that immediately there's going to be some sort of shift or change and it's just not the way it is. You have to know that it kind of has this compound effect over time.

That it really does pay off. Doesn't mean that we are oblivious or we're shutting down or just saying fuck it. Like no, no, we. We have to feel the things. You can feel the things and feel the pain and be in gratitude.

Very quickly at the same time. I promise you.

It is a gift, this state of being that we can call gratitude. It is a gift to yourself first and foremost. And honestly when you are grateful for other people. It is my favorite gift to give. And it's the one thing people can buy like time and gratitude for other people. Even those that have frustrated the shit out of us. It's really, really important. So I wanted to give you a quick rundown of each Enneagram type and some, maybe some obvious things that you can be grateful for in other people. You know, because each type has this thing like is their thing, right. And I'm also going to give you maybe some things that aren't so obvious, right. So for my Enneagram type ones, my improvers, reformers, you know, the obvious thing is focusing equally on what is wonderful and amazing about something that is not completely perfect. Because we all know you love things like super high standards.

But finding what is beautiful about something.

More so than what you would do on what is wrong with it will really. You'll start to feel like your nervous system calm down. And the maybe not so obvious thing for my Enneagram type ones out there is something that will be really powerful for you and you'll feel your shift. You will is telling maybe a few different people, two or three people who you care about what they really mean to you and the gratitude that you have for them. Because as the one you guys look through the rent the lens of always trying to improve things and even the people around you so that when you without any kind of agenda just go tell people what they mean to you and the gratitude you have for them, not only will it make them feel good because they probably don't necessarily expect that from you, but you will feel the beautiful like you know the movie the when the Grinch stole Christmas when his heart grew, you know, out of his body. That's seriously what can happen to a type one when you really lean into that. My Enneagram 2 is my helpers, you know, you guys are always looking to how you can serve others and. And all of that. But I want you to think about a recent time when maybe something didn't go as you had hoped for. Like, let's say somebody didn't respond to you in an affirmative or didn't follow your advice and it went sideways, and yet you didn't get deflated or feel unhappy or take it like there's something wrong with you, right? So allow yourself to feel that gratitude for your own growth and how you handled what might have been. Something that you would have gone down the rabbit hole of, like, oh my gosh, I must be a piece of crap, or they don't care about me if they don't take my advice. Or maybe in a situation where you might have felt angry or resentful, you know, so that I noticed that, like when twos are of service without their agenda and they can recognize that growth, like celebrate that, be grateful for that because that means you're growing now. Something that might not come to mind for an Enneagram too is writing down maybe three things about yourself that you are deeply grateful for. Twos have a beautiful ability to pour into other people. They feel sometimes selfish if they do that for themselves. For my twos out there, I want you to write down three things about yourself that you're grateful for and maybe even say them out loud. Um, I. I give this homework a lot is like taping it to the mirror that you get in that you get ready in every day. You know, it's like usually the first place that we're looking at ourselves square on. Um, and I also put that kind of list where I sit most of the day working. So that might be something that you can remind yourself of every day. I think it's really important. My enneagram3 is my achievers out there. I want you to think about what you actually have, not what you think you need to gain or achieve or do think about what you have and what you feel.

I want you to.

Find gratitude for your heart because you are in the heart triad. You actually make decisions and things based on feelings. But you have worked really hard to not feel so much. So I really want you to be grateful for what you do have instead of always having your eyes on a new finish line or a new goal line because you miss some miracles along the way when you do that. And I don't want you to do all this achieving without feeling anything about it. So something you might not think of as a three is you know, to experience your deepest felt gratitude for allowing yourself to do something you really wanted to do, something that you didn't have to post on Instagram, or something that didn't get a score for, or something that didn't have some metrics tied to it, but something that you really wanted to do not for the sake of success or respect, because you simply enjoyed process of doing it and not necessarily the outcome. And that's a hard thing for threes to be grateful for because you guys are always looking for that validation that you're on the right track from metrics or whether it's vanity metrics or the winning score or whatever that looks like for you. So please do it. Please have some fun. Just because of fun. My Enneagram fours, my individualists, my romantics, spend just as much time thinking about what is present as you do with what is missing. Enjoy feeling appreciative for what is right in front of you. And you know, the. The fours can torture themselves with what's missing. What's missing, what's missing. And you know, if you can't be grateful for the one thing in front of you, even if you did hit the jackpot and have everything that you ever wanted to have, if you weren't grateful for what was right in front of you, you wouldn't be happy with what you perceive is missing if you actually got it.

So something else that you might think of that maybe isn't as obvious to an enneagram4 is making a list of what you have to offer, which you guys have such skills and so much to offer. But then shorten the list to three items because fours can get very distracted and trying to do all the things and you guys actually thrive with a little bit of structure. The fours go to that healthy one when they're growing. So having and I give this homework all the time to fours, like pick three things and be really good at that that you must do that are important to you, that have structure, but gives you enough freedom to tap into something that's more in alignment with you from day to day. So make a list of what you have to offer and then shorten that list. Do something creative today, whether it's, you know, drawing or creating a song or creating marketing things or writing a poem or or taking pictures that symbolize some of those items. And then just keep it someplace special so you can remind yourself that like you, there is nothing missing from you. There is nothing. But when you we focus on too many things, then we miss the beautiful miracles about Ourselves sometimes, especially my Fours, my Enneagram Fives, my investigators.

You know, you guys detach emotionally to a lot of things. You really, really do. So I want you to think of some things, three things, whether it's people, objects, ideas, events that you feel extremely grateful for, and every day add to this list and continue doing it for a full week. So what that does is kind of makes you tap into feelings, which you guys are the most analytical and introverted on the Enneagram. And so you guys really building the muscle to tap into feelings. And. And that's what gratitude is, is feeling, right? So something maybe isn't as obvious for a 5 is making a list of everything in the world and your life that you like very much, which is abundant, and replenish. It replenishes, Replenishes itself automatically. So something that never becomes depleted, because that's the biggest fear of the Five, is that they will be energetically depleted, informationally depleted, and just let yourself feel. It's amazing. Fives, when they feel, are incredible, they really, really are my Enneagram Sixes, my loyalists, my troubleshooters out there.

You know, I want you to consider this idea. My Sixes, Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Right? So, my Sixes, I want you to start expressing some gratitude for the role that caution and concern play in your life in the healthy ways, right? That's why we love you in our life, because you guys keep us out of a lot of trouble. But something that maybe isn't as obvious to a Six is that it is curious. This is. This is a Mark Twain quote. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. And I want you to think if you're a Six, of all the times you have shown moral courage and be grateful for that integrity, you know, you guys ask a lot of questions, and sometimes you can become so insecure about that. That's part of your moral courage. And I really, really, really. I know so often you guys are fixated on, you know, damage control and troubleshooting, and your need for certainty is unlike any of the others on the Enneagram. But the more that.

Be proud and grateful for your moral courage as well, you'll realize that when you do that more, you maybe don't have to spin out so much about the other kind of courage. Right? My Enneagram sevens, my enthusiasts, you guys have a lot of fun. And the obvious thing to be grateful for is for all the times you have felt uncomfortable and stayed with an experience rather than avoiding it or running from it or bouncing, you know, your superpower is your ability to pivot and move on to something else, and it's also your thorn. But I really, you know, it's rooted in this feeling like they need the certainty that they're never going to be trapped with something. So for my sevens that have felt uncomfortable or it's boring or the feelings are too intense and you actually stayed with it instead of bolting, I really want you to be grateful for that. Something that maybe you don't think of as a seven, but I want you to think of one thing in your life that you care about so deeply that your interest in it is self sustaining. Right? So being gratitude for this one area, for showing you that you can sustain your focus when you allow something to touch your heart. And, you know, the sevens get a bad rap of not being focused or not, you know, able to, you know, be in one thing. But I know this to be inaccurate, especially when they aren't afraid that they're going to be trapped there. So, you know, be grateful for this one thing and showing that you are, you are able to focus when you let your heart really get into it. All right, my fellow eights, my challengers out there. Oh.

You know, the more I lean into gratitude, the easier my life does become and the more I'm able to be vulnerable. And that is the superpower of the eight and also the very thing we're afraid of. So for my fellow eights out there, I want you to think of a few things that someone else made happen and that you had no role in, that's really challenging because we pretty much have our hands in everything because we're such protectors. But thinking of things that someone else made happen that you feel ingratitude about and sit these in your mind, your heart and body for some time, I've gotten better at that. I know I don't have to.

Really. Eights don't need to be in control of everything, but they don't want to be controlled. So, like letting somebody else kind of take charge of things and sitting back and having that gratitude because we don't have to be so adults all the time. It's the one thing that I love and also resent at the same time as the adulting, but something that most eights might not think of.

The healthier eights might. I know that what I am most grateful for every day is my ability to feel my vulnerability and experience.

Gratitude. For my willingness to be open, my flexibility and my gentleness in allowing myself to feel this and not just outwardly teach a lesson to y', all, but, like, in real time with my inner circle, with the people I'm most intimate with, even when I'm feeling pain and very uncomfortable in that. There is nothing I'm more grateful for about myself and proud of myself for more than the ability to feel and show vulnerability. Like, when an 8 can do that, the possibilities are endless. So.

I had an 8 that I was coaching the other day say, yeah, but we don't want to let them know that we're softies. I'm like, actually, you know what? Here's the thing. An 8 will always have some fuck you in them, no problem. But when we can lean into that vulnerability, that's actually where we build credibility and trust with other people. And then we also know that we can protect anybody. So, yes, Eights, you can show your vulnerability, and it is not a weakness. And finally, my Enneagram Nines, my peacemakers, you guys are so beautiful. Something to be grateful for is your ability to express yourself honestly. And I really want you to, over the next few weeks leading into 2021, is knowing your voice like you have a wise, wise voice, and just knowing that it matters and. And use it and feel your gratitude for the courage that you have and your directness, your ability to be direct without judgment is your superpower. And something that you might not think of as a 9 to be grateful for is pumping up yourself and being proud of yourself and basically write yourself an advertisement promoting all that you are, your accomplishments and capabilities, because you're so great at championing other people and kind of dumbing down yourself. Really.

Really just know that you're. You guys are the Yodas of the Enneagram. You guys have this wisdom and knowing that is so damn beautiful, and the world needs more of it. It really, really does. So let us see you. Let us see you. That is intimacy into me, you see? So let us see you, too.

I am so grateful for each and every one of you that pours into me every day and lets me know that you know this podcast is not for nothing. And I know that. I do know that. I never know how the things that I say or the things I've been through or the things that I choose to share with you will land on your heart. But I want you to know that every single time one of you lets me know that something has hit in a way that allows you to take compassionate and effective action in your life. I want you to know that fires me up every single day. To wake up and not just grow myself so that I can be something even better for my kids and for you, but it really just allows me to become the very best person I am here to be. And I know that's all any of us want. We get one shot at this Life. And if 2020 has not taught us anything else, it's like, let's just make the most of what we are given here and now. And especially during this holiday. I just want you to know that if I was stripped of every single thing that I've ever had in my life, I know that I have so much to be grateful for. The things I have experienced, the people I've met along the way, and for the love that I have received from each and every one of you guys. I hope that you know in a year that it didn't feel very bulletproof. Quite honestly, knowing that all the experiences that you have had or pain you've endured, or even the wins that you've had, all of that is helping you to become bulletproof so that you can go out and live your life full out knowing that you know, tomorrow is never promised. So go out and get what's yours and go love the crap out of every single person even, and especially the ones that piss you off because they are here to teach you something too. And until time. Here's to becoming Bulletproof and I hope you all have a beautiful holiday and a very, very merry Christmas.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.