110: Why occupying your growth number is NEXT LEVEL

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today we're going to be touching on next level leadership using the Enneagram. And a lot of you.

Have really taken taken your personal development next level. For those of you that have been Enneagram and know you've got your type right, you know, there's ranges of health for each type. And today it's one thing to know our type and to know it well, which, you know, I think that's number one of importance before we start using it in leadership and those we love and things like that. But there's something that's very, very rarely talked about. And this is why I know without question, I'm one of the best coaches there are, honestly. And this is why I'm able to push people in such a loving way. Because here's the thing, I think personal development, we all want to grow, right? We do. Tony Robbins says it best. If we're not growing, we're dying. And that's freaking true. The thing about growth is very, very rarely is it comfortable. Very rarely is it without some pain. If you think about growing muscles in the gym or through working out, like, it's uncomfortable when we have to add resistance or do something that's a little bit harder for us. And the next day after we, you know, push ourselves to the limit or past the limit, it usually freaking hurts. Sometimes we can't get up off the toilet or out of bed or that first step is like, holy shit, what did I do? And growing ourselves personally, spiritually, emotionally feels very much the same. It's freaking painful sometimes and it doesn't feel natural and it doesn't always feel comfortable. And so what happens is, when we feel that resistance emotionally, spiritually, personally, what do we do? We Go back to what feels most comfortable. But there's nothing that grows in comfort. I will say that. And so I wanted to tell you today that if you didn't know this already, there's way more to the Enneagram than just your personal type. And each type is connected to all these different numbers. So we have wings, which are different numbers than ours. We have.

Stress numbers where we can take on behaviors under extreme stress of another number. But the really cool superpower and where you take your growth and leadership to the next level is to tap into your growth number. So every Enneagram type goes into another number and their behaviors at their highest level when they're growing. And I know many of you are diving into your type, and that's great. The goal is to be the healthiest version of yourself in all the things, and I love it. And whatever your core main number is, that's amazing. But in other areas of your life or like really next level, know that embodying another type and you're. You're never going to be motivated like that. And it's always going to feel really kind of uncomfortable. I'm telling you right now, my growth number, although most of you see me in that all the time, it's because I'm always freaking pushing it. I'm pushing it and every day it's uncomfortable. And I'll. I'll explain that in a second.

But this is going to be a great episode for you. For those that you love and lead, and especially if you're pretty knowledgeable on the Enneagram, knowing their growth number will be super helpful because this is when you'll know when to push or when to have compassion. And I'll give you a story that I use that happened this week. It was pretty powerful with my son, but I'll use myself for an example. So myself as an enneagram 8, the challenger. I am driven and motivated by justice and truth and protection and. And all of that. And my underlying emotion is anger. Now, you know, as I've grown, and the healthiest version of the 8 is not so domineering. I can be decisive without aggression. I can, you know, embody.

Leadership in a way that is pretty amazing. And that's why eights really are and can be world class leaders when they. When they get themselves really in a healthy spot. And I can do that. However, that being said, eights are still really intense even at their best. And I am very intense even at my best. And that is great. And it also.

Can rub some others in an Uncomfortable way, sometimes in a way that they don't like. And it is really hard to lead people when you make people really uncomfortable, right? And for them to trust me, right, If I'm super intense, there's going to be certain types that don't trust me as much because they're like, geez, she's got an agenda, right? Even at my best. So my growth number, so an 8 in growth takes on the beautiful, healthy parts of the two, which, ironically, is the most compassionate and empathetic on the Enneagram. And I want you to know that most of my life.

Not only whenever I felt compassion or empathy, would I shut it down. Like, I shut it down because an 8 in an unhealthy state believes you're either strong or weak. And there's not a lot of gray area. And to me, compassion and empathy felt vulnerable and weak. Not only that I was conditioned that way. I was modeled, that I was taught and told that, like, compassion and empathy is a weakness. And so now when I understand the Enneagram for the last 10 years, when I see for 40 years how I sabotaged my own growth because the superpower of the two, which is where an eight goes in growth, is compassion and empathy, I was like, oh, shit, okay, that makes a lot of sense why I would sabotage growth. But it also explains why it always feels kind of uncomfortable for me. And if you want to grow, then know that it's going to get uncomfortable. And that's okay. Because on the other side of it, I've done compassion and empathy enough the last 10 years to know that there's something so beautiful on the other side. But I still want you to know that it is not the most natural move for me. I would much rather go to anger and decisive aggression intensity all day long. Because that is natural for me. Leaning into empathy and compassion, although I do it very, very, very well, it's still not my most comfortable move to make. It's what you guys see a lot of the time. It's why I can effectively communicate with other people. I can pull out my intensity card very easily. And because I've allowed myself to go into the uncomfortable in the growth number of the two, it's that compassion and empathy and understanding and everything that makes people feel really seen, heard and understood as well. So they feel seen, heard, and understood by my compassion and empathy. But then they know, like, oh, shit, o' Malley's got this with my intensity, with my protective eight nature. So you see how that can work. But I want you to know like, it's. It's still uncomfortable in all areas of my life, not just leadership in business. As a parent, I've gotten really damn good at leaning into compassion. But I'm going to tell you, my kids can trigger me in a way, especially my son, and I'll explain that in a second. You know, he's a 2. So the 2 and 8 are very deeply connected, as you can see. That's my growth number, but the eight is also his stress number, and I'm going to save another episode for that.

My friendships, all my friends are not eights, and they're all different. My three closest friends are different types than me, and each require a different level of compassion and empathy from me because they're not equipped like an 8. They don't always get my intensity, and that's not always effective. So leaning into my growth number, although still challenging, it's important because I want to be the very best friend I can be the very best partner. I can be the very best parent leader. All the things, coach, all of it.

Something happened this week with my son and I.

It was around the podcast because I had interviewed him, and it was a fantastic episode, by the way. And he was saying, oh, my gosh, this is so uncomfortable, so uncomfortable. I don't want to do it. But he did it. And I had interviewed him and his sister before, and I was like, it's going to be great. It's going to be great. And I wasn't intense and like, you got to do this. But I was like, it's going to be great. Knowing his two ness, where he goes in a growth pattern is the four. So a two naturally doesn't like to talk about themselves. They want to focus on the needs and wants of other people all the time. So for A two to be solo interviewed with me, talking about himself was very uncomfortable. Knowing that he goes to the four, which is the individualist who loves making it about them. I knew it was okay to push him. He didn't see it that way at the time. And we had. We kind of had a conversation about it. He got a little fired up, and thankfully I could see what was happening and not take it personal. He was going into his unhealthy eight, which is where two goes. And because I knew what was happening and knew that, I pushed him into the four, which is his growth number, which doesn't feel natural to him, could speak life into him. And that's the beauty of knowing the growth numbers of each enneagram type. And he still wasn't comfortable with it. But when you are a parent or a leader or a coach or a friend, sometimes like the people in your life that are good for you will push you with love. And I did just that with him. I had to kind of keep my intensity at bay with him because that could trigger him, but also like pouring belief into him. And like, I know this is stretching you to talk about yourself and it's going to be amazing. And you know, that's when you've got that coach in the weight room saying, you can do one more set, you can do one more set. And that's basically what I was doing with him. So I thought I'd go through each Enneagram type and let you know the growth number because this is really important when I'm helping people and typing them properly. Not only do I have them and send them information about their type at their very, very best, but I also tell them their growth numbers so that they can see the healthiest version of their growth number. So when things get uncomfortable or doesn't feel natural, they can look at those qualities and those behaviors. And even though it doesn't feel great, I know we all, you all don't want to sabotage your own growth, right? You're here listening to a podcast because you do want to grow. And when you kind of know the guidelines of your growth number and although it doesn't feel natural or comfortable, sometimes, if you are committed to your growth, then you will step into it and you will know that is exactly what is happening. OK, so for the Enneagram type 1, the reformer, the improver, the perfectionist, sometimes called their growth number is the seven, which is the enthusiast. So they go from being in the gut triad to the head triad and that enthusiast because the ones can typically be very black and white thinkers, right or wrong, good or bad, no gray area thinking, usually for them to embody the healthy traits of the seven, which is that enthusiast, which means there are no stupid ideas, anything is possible.

Super optimistic that anything can can be done that is not natural for the one typically. And so I usually, when I'm leading, loving parenting, dealing with A1, I encourage them to, you know, have more fun and I will push them in that way and be more light hearted. Now, other types, I won't do that because that's not necessarily a growth thing. But for specifically with the Enneagram type ones, because there can be so black and white thinking to have them think outside the box a little bit more can really have them step into their growth a Lot more the enneagram type 2, the helpers. So they go to the 4 in a growth pattern, so they still stay in the heart triad. So that's why the twos are all the feels like they're all the feels of significance. So a two and a growth pattern, like you heard earlier with my son, they embody giving and they love to focus on the needs of other people. And although that's great and they're great at that, but when they're unhealthy, that can develop into codependency. They can be resentful. And so like with my son.

Finding him to have his own personal significance through creativity. So when I see my son being creative with music or writing or speaking.

And like having him on the podcast, I want him to find that, that he has significance because he's him, not necessarily by what he does for other people. And that can feel really uncomfortable. They can feel like they're being selfish sometimes. And so knowing that about it too, to not focus so much on what they do for other people but them taking time for themselves. I'm always praising my son for like taking time to go golfing by himself or going to play music or, you know, anything that embo that finding their own individual way and having their worth not so reliant on what they do for other people can really be a healthy thing to push a two in that direction. Now the threes, the achievers, you guys know them, everybody wants to be a three because they just get shit done. And the thing with the threes, even at their very best, they won't always pay attention to details because they're so focused on the goal line that.

Some of the details and some of the moving parts can get missed. And so where a 3 goes in growth is to the healthy 6, the loyalist, the troubleshooter, the ability to collaborate more. So three, sometimes when they're on a mission, can have the blinders on and just go head first into achieving and they will burn out their relationships, they'll burn out their bodies because they just don't think of the consequences. Sometimes they get things done, no doubt about it. And even the healthiest version is like they can get things done and also help other people. But how I push a three, first of all, I don't always.

Give them atta boys and atta girls for what they do because I don't want to continue to necessarily feed that unhealthy pattern. But what I have them doing, what I will ask a three a lot of times is have you Thought of this? Have you thought of this? Have you thought of this in a healthy way? Because we want to push a 3 into more of the details. It. It's going to slow them down a little bit. And I want you to know that when you're loving and leading and parenting a three, they don't love to be slowed down. It feels very uncomfortable for them, very. Because if you think about the core motive of the three, they believe that their significance and their worth comes from what they do and achieve. So you see why they barrel through things and try to go as fast as possible. So slowing them down sometimes to think of the bigger picture, they don't like it. And every three that I work with, I let them know ahead of time, like, listen, I know I'm going to frustrate you because I'm going to slow you down so I can speed you up in a way that really honors yourself, honors your relationships, and honors your health. And so really slowing the threes down in a healthy way is something that will have them have longevity, sustainability. They preserve the things that matter most to them, which is their relationships and their health, quite honestly. Now, the fours, the individualists or the romantics in the heart triad, they are constantly seeking significance and authenticity within themselves. They have a tendency to believe something's missing from them. And they don't always love structure because they do want to be so individual, but structure is absolutely what they need because they believe that something's always missing from them sometimes. Or they're on this quest to find their true selves. The rigidity that they need in their life goes to the wayside. And that's when, like, the wheels fly off the bus for the four. So when I'm working with a four, I will push them into small amounts of structure. I don't want them to be so structured where they feel like there's nothing authentic about them. They don't want to look and appear like anybody else. They want to do things their way, which I encourage. However, giving them a little bit of structure. Usually I'll tell them one or two, maybe even three things to have structure with. First and foremost, their health. Like, do things that honor their health, whether it's through nutrition and exercise and both. Like, I think it's really good for movement. To have some kind of routine is really, really important because what that does is builds their confidence. And once their confidence kicks in, then they can really find their true, authentic, creative self and let those gifts fly. But when they resist very thing that will build their confidence, that's when that shame spiral can happen. So I don't try to structure them too too much because I want them to know there's, like, this individual quality to them, but that's a little bit of structure is just what they need to help build their confidence so they can actually step into the gifts that they bring to the world. They make the world beautiful and magical.

And when you can give them some structure that they know that they're not stuck in forever or that robs them of their creativity or individuality, that's when you see the fours shine. They don't always love structure, and they'll be a little rebellious and dramatic about it sometimes, but, boy, when they really get into a routine with it, that's when the magic happens. And I love seeing the fours light up when they feel that confidence kick in. All right, my fives. My fives are actually what inspired this episode. Because I work with a lot of fives. Fives are drawn to me. And I'll explain that in the stress episode. I just have a deep understanding of the five, because that's where I go. I go to the unhealthy 5 under stress. So I can see fives very clearly. And the other reason that fives are drawn to me is because a five in a growth pattern takes on the healthy eight. Now, the five is the investigator. They build cases. They gather information, Tons of it. Tons of it, because they want to be certain that they're going to be equipped and capable to handle things. Now, even them at their best, they're still that, but they're able to collaborate a little bit more.

They're able to be a little bit more extroverted. And I use that word loosely for a five. But where I really push fives out of their comfort zone for the love of growth is because I know the eight so well, because I am one. Is that decisiveness, that. That little level of fearlessness of going into something without seeing everything very clearly, because the eights will go into a burning building and not even think twice about it. And the fives are so reluctant. They hoard their energy and information sometimes because they want to be equipped and capable. So when I'm working with fives, I will push them into uncertainty a little bit and the uncomfortable. And I'm like, listen, you have all the information now. Let's just jump. And I've heard five say, that doesn't feel natural for me. That doesn't feel comfortable. I'm like, well, welcome to growth, y'. All. This is where the fives can really shine. And because fives are so wise and intelligent, when they have a little decisiveness to them, that's when you see a five in entrepreneurship leadership. Like, my God, when I see a five stepping into their eight, those are who I want surrounding me seriously. So when I'm working with fives, what they do love about me is my decisive nature. And it's also the very thing that scares them, scares them about me is because they know that I'm going to push them there. But because I do have a deep understanding of what it's like in the mind of a five, because I can go to the dark side of the five in stress, that's a beautiful thing to watch happen. Now, my sixes, my loyalists, the master troubleshooters, the enneagram type that has a need for certainty in the most ways, they go to the healthy nine.

Whereas the six, really, they are very collaborative. But there's this manipulative aspect of their collaboration sometimes because they like to collaborate with people so they know that everybody's pulling their weight and doing what they're supposed to do, right? And that's a great thing because they do keep us sixes, keep us all out of a lot of trouble. But what happens is sometimes they can be so paralyzed that, you know, they're, they're worried so much or they're thinking worst case scenario all the time, that it can be analysis paralysis and they can move, be uncomfortable to be around when they get like that. And so for them to step into the nine, the nine is the most easygoing on the enneagram and not sweating the small stuff and can see the bigger picture without so much drama attached to it. Because when a six is in the hole of troubleshooting, sometimes even with all the information and all worst case scenarios and all the plans laid out, because they're so fixated on that they can't see the bigger picture and the bird's eye view of things, and then they get blindsided and that's never good. So when a 6 can go into the unhealthy 9 and be a little more easygoing and just kind of sitting back and observing instead of getting into the thick of things to try and control it, they can actually enjoy their life a little bit more instead of just being so wrapped up in the details that they miss the miracle right in front of them. And, you know, my best friend is a six and having her really get out of the details so much so she doesn't miss the miracles. And I see so many sixes sometimes get so wrapped up in it, they miss the joy in the journey. And I want every six out there. We appreciate you. We appreciate your need for details and you're needing to know, but the eights in your life and the nines in your life will actually show you how to enjoy the journey too. All right, my sevens, my enthusiasts, you guys resist structure because you want to make sure you're not trapped. And because I'm raising one, I can see how to push her in a growth area. So because you guys can tend to bounce from thing to thing because you're excited and anything's possible, and you're the most optimistic on the enneagram, what happens sometimes is you're bouncing so much that you haven't taken the time to build a container for your own creativity in your own direction to kind of be nurtured. And so the seven in a growth pattern takes on the healthy five. They become the investigator. They go from the enthusiast to the investigator. So they're all in the head triad. Both the fives and the sevens are in the head triad. So they still come from a place of certainty, but with the certainty that they can pivot at any time, rooted in the seven, plus the growth of the five with the collecting of information. So, like with my daughter, you know, she's in the beauty industry, and I let her know, like, yeah, be in the beauty industry, but here's the thing, like, take on, investigate, go. And I pushed her in this direction, like, let's learn all these different trades within the beauty industry. So you're. You're still not doing the same thing every day, which she loves as a seven, but also is very well skilled in many other areas. So she's like the master utility player. And for those of you that play baseball or know baseball, like, being a utility player is probably one of the greatest assets on a team because, you know, you're pretty skilled at every position and your worth and your value goes way up when you can do all the things. And so when you can encourage a seven, and I also encourage sevens to focus on one thing and know it well before you move on to the next thing. But you have to create the container for that. And so with sevens, I will encourage some solitude time and to create that container so that they can actually do that. And that builds their confidence. And you'll notice with a seven that has done that, their need to bounce from thing to thing goes way down, which is amazing, so that they can feel really good and they know they're not Trapped or contained, and they're free to be whoever they're supposed to be or want to be. And that's the sweet spot of the seven. All right. I talked about the eights at the beginning of this episode because I am the eight and the eights at their best, we're decisive. We make things happen. We're protectors. We challenge authority in a good, healthy way. We make people feel safe. But again, that intensity can be much. Even at our best, our intensity is a lot for most everyone. And so pushing an 8 into that compassion and empathetic and quiet calmness is not natural. I go to intensity 24, 7 first. It's my natural go to. And I've had a lot of eights tell me they're like, I don't want people to know my weaknesses. I'm like, compassion and empathy is actually an 8's superpower. And that is why I am a next level coach. It's why I'm the best at what I do. It's why I'm a fucking great parent. Because.

First of all, I'm mama bear protector. I make big things happen as a single parent and make sure shit's unlocked with me. But I also have the ability and capability to hold space with compassion and empathy in a safe place, a soft place that is full of power for my kids, for my friends, for my partners in my life, for my business partners, for pretty much anyone. It's like an eight that can do that not only has that strength that is so awesome, but also the softness that is actually more powerful than the strength that most of you see. So for my eights out there, it's okay to be compassionate and empathetic. It really is. And it's still not my natural go to, but I get more comfortable in it the more that I do it every single day. And last but not least, the nines, my peacemakers of the group, them in a growth pattern, you know, because they are so easygoing and inclusive and, you know, like, whatever's great for everybody is what they naturally do, so much so that they can play small a little bit or they can be a little spiritually lazy because they do care so deeply about the collective. And so when I'm working with a 9, what I do is push them into the healthy 3, which is where they go in growth. So giving them goals that stretch them is going to be really, really big.

Goals that rock the boat a little bit. And I know that's not comfortable. My nines out there is like, are like, oh, shit. Like, that's scary. That's scary because their whole existence and their worth is keeping the peace that when they get fixated on a goal, knowing that it might upset people or they might not be able to be the chameleon for all the people in their life, sometimes that makes them uncomfortable and peacemakers. My nines, welcome to growth because your Yoda wisdom needs to happen in the world. And so I am going to make you put some goals out there and ask you what you want. What is it? What is it that you want? Nines very often.

Don'T even know what they want because their whole existence has been in keeping the peace and taking care of people and sacrificing and some extreme levels themselves. So they don't even know what they want. So to even have them in that mindset of a goal for themselves, are you kidding me? That feels very, very uncomfortable for a 9. And I gotta say, nines are some of the hardest to pull out of it because it is that uncomfortable for them. But, boy, when a nine can shine and set goals. And I have some close friends that are nines, and my personal coach is a nine. He, like, definitely has huge goals and he's equally passionate about the collective. So there is, like the sweet spot for the Nines. You just have to be willing to step into it. So I know that many of you didn't even know about this. And so if you know your type, what I want you to do is to research the healthiest version of your growth number that I just talked about. And I want you to tag me and screenshot this and let me know what you learned about your growth number. And I want you to. I want to hear how you sabotaged it so. So innocently. We do. We. We come by it innocently, just like I did with the two. For 40 years, I sabotaged my own growth, believing that compassion and empathy was a weakness and all along it was my superpower. And when you know that it's going to be uncomfortable and know that it is growth, you are more likely to lean into it. And that is where your real gifts really come. Next level, it is where you make the biggest impact in your homes and in your heart and in your businesses and everybody that you love and lead. And so I am going to encourage you to lean in today to your growth number and keep out, keep really close to you, what that looks like. So when it feels uncomfortable, you can just, like, give yourself the pep talk. I have to do it every time I'm leaning into compassion. Let me tell you. And you guys see me as compassionate, but I have to work at that. I really, really do. It does not feel good all the time, especially when I'm fired the fuck up. So I want you to know that growth is never easy. It isn't easy, but, my God, the more you do it, the more the muscle builds and the easier it does get. But it'll always be a stretch. And that, my friends, is what growth is all about. And if you want to dive deeper into what that looks like, first of all, it's important you get typed properly. So go to traceyomally.com go to the work with me section. Book a session with me. It's seriously the best. It's close to 90 minutes of getting to your type. And I gave you all the growth numbers, the stress numbers, the wings. We go through all of it. And then the next level is taking the whole experience and integrating it into your life and into your homes and into your businesses. And I do that with you, too, in the Enneagram experience. I would be honored to walk this journey with you. It's a lot easier with a guide, I promise you. And you know the movement you will have in your life and all positive ways and all the beautiful ways that you desire. I know you do because you're telling me so. That's the fastest way to get there. And if you want to choose to go this on your own, I get that, too. Just know it's going to be messy sometimes and it's going to get hard. And I know for myself, if I didn't have accountability with my own three coaches and a therapist, this looks really, really different for me. So I'm a full believer in having a guide and a coach to take you along the way, and I would be honored to do that for you. I would love to know what you learned from this episode. I bet many of you didn't know about this part of the Enneagram. It's one of the most important things in leadership in your home and in your businesses to know how to really push people with love into growth and to know that when they're resisting it, that's what it's about. And, yeah, I would love to hear what you learned from this screenshot at Tag me. Let me know what you love, what you hate, what's really uncomfortable, and where you're going to lean into next for your own personal growth. It means the world to me to know that you are using this beautiful tool to change your life like it has mine. And until next time y'. All. Here's to becoming Bulletproof Proof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an unit honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work.

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