115: How to give effective, empowering feedback to each Enneagram type

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today in the leadership formulas, there are so many different components to leadership. But today we are going to talk about one of the most important aspects of communication and that is giving feedback. And this is usually where things go wrong. This is been whether it's parenting or in business, when we are bantering back and forth, this is where things can get misinterpreted, where feelings get hurt, where.

More communication gets shut down, where anger erupts, where resentments get piled up, and when you know who you're talking to, understanding how they're going to process and interpret feedback. This has been probably the most important part of me understanding the Enneagram. When I speak to my children, they're in their 20s and they're both very, very different from me.

And the way that I receive feedback and interpret it is very different from the way that they do. And then in business, when I am leading large teams and I have organizations that are bigger than 100,000 people, that's a lot of different personalities and understanding who's in front of you, especially if you are the one that guiding them somewhere. And that is what I'm doing with you right now. I'm guiding you. Understanding who you're talking to is also very important. And I've said this before a couple times, like do you want to be right or do you just want to be effective? And a lot of the time, especially when I was coming from places of insecurity and fear and ego and doubt, honestly, I just wanted to be right and I didn't give a shit. But that proved to not be effective in my home, in my businesses, anywhere for that matter. And I know that if you are listening to me, you want to be the most effective Leader. You really, really do. Because honestly, I know for myself, I don't want to have to use as many words and repeat myself and kind of try to figure out a whole different way to do things. I really, really don't. That really bankrupts ourselves energetically. The more words you use, the more that is left to be interpreted wrong or inaccurately. And so really using the Enneagram as framework to first understand yourself and how you interpret things so that you can communicate what might be most effective for you. But also as somebody that is a leader, really giving a shit and understanding that most people probably aren't like you and the way that they need to be led looks very, very different from you. And I hear this all the time.

You know, I spoke to most everybody as though they were innate. And that does not work. I mean, I could make things happen because, you know, I was very domineering. But I know that to have sustainable change, to really help people in transformation and business and in your home, understanding how you give feedback and knowing that whatever is in your heart and the vision is lands exactly how you want it to in a way that that recipient can process and then take beautiful action on, this is the secret sauce this really, really is. And honestly, this is also where credibility and trust is built, especially as a leader. Me as an enneagram8, I don't trust much leadership. I really have to vet them before I will lean into them. And so if people that have led me before knew how to offer feedback in order to have my trust so that I could do the best job for them, this would have gone a long, long way. So it's one of those things that me as a leader today, regardless of who I'm talking to, I can speak to one person one way, another person another way. My kids, for example, could not be more different. And the way that they receive feedback is very different. Yet when I speak to them and offer feedback, it's almost like I'm reading their mind. And if you get a lot of people that say that you're on the right path. So I know that many of you are dabbling in this Enneagram work. You are maybe obsessed with it like I am. It is the framework that I use in everything, quite honestly, in any kind of emotional intelligence and communication. It's always the framework I use now. It's very, very complex. It's not complicated. There are a lot of different ins and outs to it. And if that is something you want to explore, please reach out to me. I spend a big chunk of my days working with people to not just understand and give the information of the Enneagram, because that's all great, but information doesn't equal transform. But really how to use this beautiful framework and integrate it into your businesses, into your leadership, in your home and in your life. And if that is something you want to do, please don't hesitate to reach out. But as I go through the nine Enneagram types and something to keep in mind as you prepare to position your approach, when you offer feedback to the people that you lead and love, if this is something you want to explore, please don't hesitate to reach out at my website, Tracyomally.com or on Instagram, Tracyomalley, LinkedIn, Facebook, all the things. All right, so if you have an idea of the Enneagram style of the person that you're giving feedback to, using some of these tips to help you prepare adapt. Position will definitely go a long way. And this is why listening, being a better listener is a really important skill. Not something I was great at most of my life. I would, I pretty much would dominate conversations in the far, far past. But this is where becoming a better listener and looking for cues to understand the motives so that you can understand or have a great idea of the Enneagram type and style of the person in front of you. I will continue to do episodes on how to understand without making people take the test or asking them. For the first four or five years that I began.

Learning and integrating the Enneagram, nobody knew that I was using this framework. So it is possible to not ask people what their Enneagram type is. But it's going to take you really understanding yourself and then becoming a better question asker and an even better listener. And this is how you know. And I will continue to do episodes on how you can understand that because it's. It's a big deal. Not our job to type people, but if we can kind of land, you'll know it. You'll know it without having to label anybody or tell them what they are. It's not your job. All right. So my ones out there, the improvers, kind of the strict perfectionists, right? So something to keep in mind if you're dealing with an Enneagram one, they're very black and white thinking, not a lot of gray area. They come from the place that everything is either good or bad, good or bad. They compartmentalize everything is good or bad. So if it's not good, just know that it is terrible in their, in their minds. So they can Be exceptionally self critical and are likely to take any kind of feedback pretty personally. So if I'm talking to A1, I frontload it with so much positivity because even if you have a hundred positive things and put out one that maybe isn't great, they're going to take that one and run. So starting the feedback on sincere positive notes by stuff that you appreciate about them that is working well, be very direct and sincere. Your tone is going to be really, really important because implied criticism is taken as it's taken very personal and it will be much more difficult to resolve. Really avoid language that is about right or wrong. Right or wrong. Like I said, they're black and white and they will take it very literally. Being specific in the examples of things that maybe you have criticism or even constructive criticism about will be very, very important. Do not generalize. Do not be vague. Straight shoot them with kindness. Don't be surprised if frustration, defensiveness or anger erupts. This is very, very common because a one in stress take on the unhealthier parts of that four, which is the more emotional volatile part of the four. So don't be surprised. So just know that even if you handle this beautifully, it might happen. It often does. Especially if they feel backed into a corner.

Minimize. This is so, so important. Minimizing the extent to which that that enneagram1 spirals into self blame because they will. They might get defensive and angry at first, but just know that that will turn into self blame.

And really looking for ways to allow that improver enneagram one to feel in control of the outcome will go a long, long way. They're really difficult to give feedback to, no matter how healthy they are. They don't love it, they don't love it, but they do appreciate kindness. They do appreciate all the things you're appreciative of and just give them space. The less you can react when they do get critical or angry, the better chance you have of their beautiful integrity and high standards. Really helping the greatest good in the mission. All right, my twos, my helpers that are so considerate, the considerate helpers, they are normally used to giving feedback to others, but may not be equally open to receiving it.

Raising one. I know that I have to be gentle as well.

In giving feedback and I know there's a lot of you like me out there that are more domineering and you're like, why should I have to do that? Why should I have to do that? Well, again, do you want to be effective or do you want to just be right about how you do things. If you give a shit about people and your mission, then learning how to be a little more emotionally intelligent will go a long way. So this is really, really important. So like I said, keeping a positive, friendly, optimistic tone throughout the entire conversation. A gentle voice with a two goes a long, long way.

Also because they really worry about what others might think. Being conscious of where and when you give this feedback to make sure that there's some privacy. So it's more of a one on one situation. Calling them out in front of a group really won't go well because they're all about.

You know, they're, they're motivated by significance. And so if you kind of call them out in a group, that really could send them down a dark hole.

Emphasizing the importance of maintaining a positive relationship is important to them. Like everything's relational for them and reinforcing your positive regard for their, for them is really, really important. They are concerned about what you think about them. So if you are giving them feedback, they automatically will think that you don't like them.

And, and I don't want that for them because they have this beautiful gift of connection. We don't want to shut that down.

Don't go too much into detail, only give more detail when they ask for it. So keep it very simple. This is so true. Like I do more listening with my son. I will kind of like if I have to give feedback that I know he's not going to love, I will kind of gently do it and then open the door for him to speak. And sometimes he just needs to process it. The more I talk, the worse I get, the worse it gets. So this is very, very true. Be aware of attempts to swing the feedback around and the conversation becoming about giving you feedback. I see this happening like the blame they'll try to project back onto you sometimes, especially if they feel backed into a corner because a two under stress takes on the unhealthy eight. So all of a sudden this gentle kind helper can become domineering and aggressive like, like yours truly. So being mindful that if that happens there, this is a stressful situation and not to feed into it, but be gentle. This is, this has been one of the greatest lessons I have had in dealing with twos because I'm raising one and I'll go toe to toe with anybody. So when this used to happen before, I kind of understood all of this. It's why we almost killed each other at one point. But this is a really important thing to understand. And if you haven't listened to my episode about where each enneagram type goes under their stress, like each of us has a stress number and a stress type we lean into when we're under extreme stress. This will be helpful in this feedback portion as well. Offer and ask where support might be needed because usually with a 2 they have overwhelmed themselves, usually by over giving and so really asking them what they need, they. They'll probably say nothing because they don't want to believe that their needs are important sometimes. But that will go a long, long way in building credibility and trust with a two that you actually see them. All right, my threes. This is a really important one. The competitive achievers.

Threes don't only dislike feedback, they are likely to actively avoid it. This is a big, big one. Yet they're driven by significance. They're in the heart triad. So they feel things, but they will avoid it. They don't want to feel it, so they will avoid it. So make the feedback about improving their success since they're driven by that. I also want to preface this by saying I Also to help A3 grow, you want to lean into not just what they do. Like you want to give them feedback not just on what they do or achieve, but also the energy they bring to things.

But if you can let them know that this feedback will improve their success, they're more likely to at least hear it instead of avoid it. But there's that fine line. Like I said, get agreement on the problem or issue as quickly as possible. Don't drag it out with enneagram3 as they respond better to short and sweet feedback. But don't let their impatience push you into not saying what needs to be said. I will see threes do this a lot. They'll rush. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, got it, got it. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I want to make sure you hear me. So there's that fine line again.

Reinforce the way in which the behavior being discussed promotes or detracts from goals that need to be achieved using the competitive instinct of your enneagram 3 to your advantage, but not in a manipulative way, but knowing that they're driven by that, it'll at least have their ears open. We don't want them avoiding the conversation. With a three, you want to be as concrete and practical as possible by focusing on action steps. They're very tactical and they want to know like ABC equals, you know, xyz. They want to know that this is Also really important as far as when and where you offer feedback to a 3. Don't embarrass or try to show up the 3 in front of others.

Because this will have them not respecting your leadership as much. You want to bring out the best in people, right? Yes. I used to do this one a lot when I wasn't healthy. Threes and me would go toe to toe because I would see through their need for this kind of significance. And I would intentionally do this back in the day before I understood exactly what it was I was doing. And if you want to earn the respect A3, which you do because they really move the needle in whatever they're doing, being mindful that significance is very, very important to them. And having respect enough for them to pull this into a private scenario will go a long way with them and slowing them down to speeding them up. All right, my fours out there, my.

Individualist, the romantics, the intense creative. Make the conversation personal and intimate by using language like I me mine. Ask them about emotions. This is one of the types that. This is their ability to be such a beautiful storyteller and creative that emotions, this is their superpower. So you want to tap into that where even in a workplace a lot of times management leaders want to avoid this. But with a 4, you're missing the mark. So don't be afraid about. Don't be afraid of these emotions, even if you're not as an emotional person. This is why I do get along with fours, I think, because I'm not. It doesn't even rattle me. But listen at the level of emotions and reflect these back to the person to show that you understand where they're at. This is the most important core motive for a 4. They want to make sure they're seen and understood, probably more than any other enneagram type, because most of their life, they feel like they aren't understood. They feel something's missing. So the more that you are willing to kind of get in the emotional ring with them, the further this will go with them. They want to hear about your feelings, about situations they really, really do. Don't cut off an enneagram 4 in the conversation. And yes, they can go on and on and on. They can be storytellers, but let them go. Give the person time to express themselves fully. Sometimes they have to emotionally brain dump. And again, you want to be effective and bring out the best in them. That this is important to understand.

Emphasizing how the change in behavior would make the task more meaningful. Since they are about significance as well, but things have to be meaningful for them. Whereas the threes are all about like the goal, the fours are about meaning, right? Their significance come in things that have meaning. So when making suggestions for maybe alternative behavior, position the alternatives in a way that allows that person to choose whether they feel this would work or not and really create the opportunity to share creative ideas with each other on how to address the problem. Now, here's the thing. They want to be able to brainstorm with you and come up with ideas where they don't necessarily care if you use them. They just want to know that there's space for them to be open with all the things. So that's why it's important to let them riff with you and not cut them off. That's how you bring the best out of these creatives and that's how you also keep them from withdrawing because they're one of the more withdrawn types. So if they feel backed into the corner, not understood, you won't bring out the best in them. And they have such gifts to bring to the world into any situation, whether it's a home or a business. It's like, this is such an important thing. All right, my fives, my investigators, the quiet specialists.

Being conscious of where you give feedback, again, this is important to ensure privacy. They don't love groups, group work anyway, so doing this in a one on one situation will be important. Keeping emotions to a minimum for a five is important because they don't want to get emotional. This is their gift, their ability to be objective, be clear, and communicate up front about the time that will be required for this. Because they are kind of always conserving their energy and their resources because they want to know they're going to be equipped and capable. Mind you, they're motivated by certainty. If you let them know, like, I need about 30 minutes of your time to kind of chat with you about some things and then stick to it. Otherwise you will lose respect. You know, focus on the facts. They're facts, facts, facts, facts. Be clear and specific.

If you're one of the more emotional types, that is leading a five.

Know that you probably don't have the respect, especially if you aren't the healthiest emotional person. So if you are a more emotional type, which I am, but I have an ability to lead fives, but understanding who's in front of you, I mean, I can rein it in. And if you are an emotional type, knowing that you're dealing with a 5 or loving or leading a 5, this will be really, really important. To keep it very factual instead of emotional. Allow and create space for the five to reflect and process what you're saying. Don't push the pace of the feedback too much. This is really, really important. Like don't drop a bomb on them and then immediately ask them so what do you think about that? Because they really do need time to kind of take it through their analytical brain. If the person wants time to reflect, give them that time. Give them the time alone and let them know like you'll follow up to continue the discussion later. Because this is important too. Because fives pushed, they might completely hide out and isolate because there are more withdrawn types. So having a healthy boundary and respect for them to take their time, but also saying, I will follow back in a certain amount of time and we will continue this. I want to respect you and give you the time that you require to process. This will be really, really important.

Like I said, if you're giving them time to reflect, don't drop the matter without having the follow up discussion. And don't wait too long to have it. Usually the rule of thumb is like I would say 48 to 72 hours. Usually ask them about thoughts but not feelings. But allow that person to express feelings should they choose to bring feelings up.

Because a five in a growth pattern actually takes on the healthy eight, so they have the ability to do that. So you'll kind of know if they're really avoidant of feelings that, you know, they're maybe in the mid range of development. A five under stress can look like a scattered enthusiast from time to time. So if they're bolting, you've hit them and they're under stress and they might look a little more frantic. So just give them space to be them. But be clear about the reasons for the need for these new behaviors. Like I said, it's really important to be clear and straight to the point with them.

All right, my loyal skeptics, the loyalists, you guys, this is a really important thing when giving feedback to them because they also have a need for certainty.

The Enneagram 6 is likely to come into the feedback session with a high level of anxiety and prone to. They have a catastrophe in their head because they come in with worst case scenario. They probably have all these scenarios in their head of why you want to.

Have these conversations.

Contextualize the magnitude of the issue up front. So let them know, like if it isn't that serious, say so to put them at ease. If you say, listen, I need to talk to you about something, especially if you Have a six, let them know, like this, this isn't that big a deal. I don't want you to spin out about it or, you know, if it is serious, let them know that too. They want the truth. Forecast a positive outcome from the start, so they will go to doom and gloom. So if you really, really, really want to let them know, like, the goal for this is, you know, something beautiful and positive that will be really important because they need to know certainty. Support is.

Required for a six. Reinforcing that your support and trust for the person is there because they will take this responsibility on creating a warm, understanding environment for the feedback. The Sixes are the best collaborators on the Enneagram, so really making sure that they. This, that's, that's one of their superpowers and you don't want to cut that off. So making sure that this is a warm and understanding environment will be key. Also know this, Sixes ask lots and lots of questions because they need that certainty. So answering questions and answer and addressing their fears with patience, like, don't rush them through this, don't say, oh, don't worry about that, because they will. And that's also kind of disrespectful to them. But you also want to normalize the concerns expressed by the person because you don't want to feed into the analysis paralysis either, but you want to be respectful, be willing to go through the situation or issue more than once. This is so true. Sixes need to really verbalize a lot of things and they need to process this out usually more than once, just so they're certainly they're not going to get blindsided by something. And, you know, with the Sixes, there's the phobic, which is the more quiet, reserved six, and then there's the counterphobic six that is more aggressive. And they can look. A lot of counterphobic sixes are mistyped as eights a lot of times. So should that more counterphobic aggressive six come out during the feedback, the person may decide that attack is the best form of defense.

Which will require you to understand this and not get drawn into it, because otherwise it can go sideways pretty fast. And then all trust, all trust is broken. And you don't want that having a six on your side. I mean, they're called the loyalists for the reason they're not quick to trust. But once they do, and especially if you're leading them, you've got probably one of the best people you could have on your side. All right, the sevens, my enthusiasts, the enthusiastic visionaries, Being sensitive to the 7's tendency to avoid will be important.

You know, they have a tendency to avoid the negative emotions, so reframing things positively will be important. Also, understanding that the Sevens don't like to feel trapped in a situation.

Will be important too. They're the kings and queens of positivity and optimism. So keeping the tone positive and energizing is important. If you are a Debbie Downer or doom and gloom, they will kind of check out. And they may be there in body, but they'll be so gone. They'll be like on their phone scrolling, or they'll like, I have to go to the bathroom or, you know, they just won't even be in it.

Position the negative feedback between positive comments. So you want to give them a feedback sandwich, right. Of positivity on the outsides. The bread is the positivity. It's really, really important because they're not going to want to feel the hard things. They can handle it, but it's got to be positioned properly.

This is important, too. Creating space for the Seven to generate ideas and solutions and use them as much as possible. So they're okay. Like. Like with my daughter, if. If I have to kind of come at her with something that's a little harder, I leave it open to brainstorming how to come up with a solution. And that's positive. Really, really important. Because they don't want to feel like you don't take them seriously, which happens a lot to these Seven sometimes. So keeping them involved in the conversation throughout, checking in often.

You know, asking them lots of questions, equalizing power in the room. And don't pull rank even if you, you know, are the manager or the person, like, leading them.

Because they don't. Like I said, you don't cage a seven. And when you start pulling rank on them and doing that, they're going to bolt. And then you can't bring out the beautiful gifts of their visionary, entrepreneurial, innovative mind. They have such amazing gifts that if you break off this communication by pulling rank, you're going to lose it.

This is another important thing, is not allowing the Seven to shrug off problems as learning opportunities without committing. Committing to change.

And maybe putting a plan in for future behavior. Right. You want to be very specific so you know, their optimism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like the three. You know, how, like, the three wants to avoid it. So does the seven. Even though it's rooted differently. Like, it's okay if they want to be like, yeah, I get it. You want them to have a commitment to change. Right. The things that they. You want to make sure they understand what they. Things need to change when deciding on the way Forward with a 7. Allowing the 7 to decide from the options and ideas that are generated is important. So, you know, give them options. They don't want to just be black and white. They want to know that there is a rainbow of opportunities and decisions and different ways you can go. Like the sevens love the choose your own adventure. So make sure you give them options and you'll. You'll definitely still have them in the game this way. And so true. All right. If you're giving feedback to an enneagram 8, the challenger, good luck. They're the active controller.

I will say this, Eights don't like to feel like they're being controlled by anything. They can respect authority. They don't have to be the one in charge all the time, but they have to respect the authority that's in charge. And if they don't, you will notice that they take over. A lot of. There have only been a few people that I have really allowed to lead me.

Because a lot of, you know, as an eight, you need to understand that an Eight is always kind of preparing to be betrayed or violated. And so if they're going to trust you to lead them, they need to make sure that you have that handled, that you can actually handle that. And it's going to be hard. Even the strongest people, an 8, sometimes won't believe that about them, especially if they're not the healthiest and can't trust their own vulnerable heart. But if you're going to approach an 8 with some feedback, please, whatever you do, ask for permission to give it first. Do not beat around the bush. They want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Be forthright and direct and honest. If you start beating around the bush or wasting time on small talk, you've lost a. Any kind of credibility with the 8. They will think that you're afraid of them. So if you're. If they're afraid of you, how are you going to lead me is basically how I do it. So eights aren't. Don't have a hard time going toe to toe with people. In fact, they invite it.

If you're going to give feedback to a challenger, position it with the bigger picture. Because eights are big action takers. They don't like the mundane. They don't like the. The details. They want to know, like, what's the bigger picture? My, my classic, you know, thing when I'm talking To anybody. If somebody's trying to talk to me, and I start to feel like the fluffy beat around the bush, I'm like, listen, bottom line me, I don't need the whole labor. Just give me the baby. And that's how you have to remember when you're dealing with an 8. Now, a lot of people are afraid of the explosive nature of the eight, so that's where the beating around the bush comes in. But I'm telling you right now.

Straight shoot them. You'll get a lot. Like, you make them more angry by beating around the bush. Or if you think in your mind you're leaving things out to protect them, I want you to know that they will never see it that way. And as an 8, I can tell you with 1 million percent certainty that that's true. I can handle the truth a lot easier than I can the lying by omission or protecting for the sake of whatever. Don't do it. Don't do it. Like, if you are direct and straight to the point and aren't afraid to speak truth to an 8, you, will win their trust. And if you are leading one, this is really, really important.

Also, if you're dealing with an 8, openly stating your confidence in the ability of the person to deal with the matter effectively, like, knowing that, like, listen, I know I have to bring this up to your attention, But I'm confident you will handle this goes a long, long way.

Letting the person feel in control, like, letting the eight feel they're in control by allowing inputs and comments as much as they want in the conversation.

Will be important, and allowing them to decide the way forward will be important. They want to. Like I said, they don't need to be in control of everything, but they don't want to be controlled. So letting them have say in some of this will be important. You know, obviously, if they're going off the rails, that won't work. Work. But then you've got a bigger issue, right? Be very sensitive to fairness and not positioning yourself as taking sides. You know, the. The eights are motivated by truth and justice. And so if things are fair, I can swallow some hard things. But if I feel like it doesn't make sense, like, yeah, no, I will actually rebel. Asking the eight whether they want suggestions from you or not before offering them. This is a big one. This is a very, very big one. Because most aids pretty much have thought so far ahead a lot of the times, and especially, like, if their body language is closed off, Offering suggestions without really asking them if they want Them, you're pretty much going to energetically bankrupt yourself because they are already shut down. So it's going to be really, really important to include the 8 as much as possible.

It sounds manipulative, but it's not. It's just a respect thing for the eight. If the eight feels like you respect them and that you can hold space for them, then an 8's a great person to have on your team. Because we make shit happen too. All right, the last one, the Peacemaker, the most adaptable on the Enneagram. These guys are so inclusive and easy. They like to avoid conflict though. So giving feedback, especially if they feel like they've been taking one for the team for a long, long time, you might be faced with some things you don't expect. So creating a warm, open and comfortable environment is important. Establishing a connection at the start of the conversation will also be important.

Because the 9 kind of feels like they have been shoving down their own needs to keep the environment happy. Sometimes it's so subconscious they don't even realize they've done it until all of a sudden they erupt. Position feedback in a very non judgmental or neutral way. Because if they start to feel backed into a corner, mind you, most of their life, they feel like they have been backed into a corner and just doing whatever to keep the peace. That if you back them into that corner too much, you will get some explosive behavior, which is kind of out of natural character for them. But it's there.

Asking them to talk, they will kind of just sit and listen. Like if you're somebody that's leading a nine and you're a talker, you're never going to bring out the best in them unless you ask them a lot of questions. So when I'm dealing with a nine, I ask them their opinions, their thoughts. You want to get them talking. And this may be difficult because they will be. It doesn't matter to me if you start to hear. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care. Whatever you want. That's especially when you need to get them talking. Like I said, it's going to be difficult. And especially if it's not something they're really natural at doing or they've spent a long time kind of shoving down. This is going to be a challenge. And what I see is people will like, oh, they're so easy and so they don't push it. But if you want to bring out the best in the Peacemaker, because they have such beautiful skills and a beautiful superpower that you want to get them participating. It's important, expressing multiple points of view when describing behaviors. They're not a very black and white thinking person. The nines are.

They see the bigger picture of everything. So they can see multiple sides of everything. So being black and white with a peacemaker doesn't go a long way where it does with a 1. It does not with a 9.

Position feedback on a big picture level. Like I said, don't push the process in a very assertive or aggressive way because this is when the passive aggressive resistance to the process or the behavior will change. You'll see nines all of a sudden be very, very stubborn or procrastinate excessively or do the opposite. It's crazy. Like all of a sudden this very accommodating person becomes so just. It's fascinating. And a lot of times it's so subconscious because they've spent a lifetime doing it that they don't understand. So giving them options, giving them a time frame and say, okay, listen, I understand that you're going to want to move at your own pace, but it has to be done by here. Adding ideas and make requests, but don't make demands. You know, I want you to get into the mind of a 9 who usually early on in life were maybe put in a situation where they can kind of read a room. And you know, they always felt like they made sacrifices. And a lot of times they have that when you make demands, there's this little kid in each nine that is pissed off that it's like their whole life they've been feeling like they have been demanded around. And so like, I want you to picture that inner child, that toddler in them all of a sudden wanting to rebel. That's what can happen with a nine with that passive aggressive behavior. But the most important thing when you're feeding giving feedback to A9 is asking them for suggestions and ideas. And they will resist this. They just want to go with the flow. But that's not how you bring up the best in them. Because a 9 in growth actually looks very much like a 3, the achiever. So you want to start getting them flex that muscle that has them stepping into, you know, big ideas like a three and goals like a three. It's really, really important. But this emotional intelligence, I've said this before, emotional intelligence is the greatest predictor for success and not just for yourself, but when you're communicating with other people. If you can emotionally move the needle with whoever you're speaking to, this is where like movements are made Visions are birthed. This is where transformative change happens. And you know, this is where the most effective kind of communication happens. And this is how you actually grow people and bring out the very, very best in them, whether you're loving them, leading them, parenting, all of the above. This is such important information and if this is something you want to explore deeper, you can check out any of my previous podcasts constantly kind of talking about this emotional intelligence, saying how important it is. If you want to dive deeper with me and know you're for sure enneagram type because you know 65 to 70% of the time they're inaccurate. I would be honored to do a typing session with you. You can go to traceyomally.com at the work with Me section or you can go and find me on Instagram @traceeomalley and we can have a chat about that. I do the enneagram experience where I can take you through the entire integration of that looks like in your life, which is where real transformation, real transformation happens. I do work one on one deep diving with all the things in people's lives as well. It's amazing and I know that like this information is valuable, but if you don't know how to integrate it, it's just like having a bunch of shiny tools in your garage that cost a lot of money that you don't know what to do with and that's pointless. So let me help you use these amazing tools in this framework to help you move the needle in your life and your homes and in your hearts. And until next time, here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the top and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof. Sam.