122: Dealing with Your Insecurities using the Enneagram

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to Millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go.

FOREIGN.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof Prod podcast. Oh my gosh. So I am excited to chat with you today. I am fresh off a weekend in California where I was there to do some work, but it was also just to get out of my environment a little bit and get into a more playful creative energy and boy, gosh, you guys, I teach this crap all day long to all of you. And I have recorded thousands and thousands of hours on the podcast as well as, you know, spoken from stages about all this stuff. And I'm telling you right now.

I'm constantly learning more about myself and specifically around the Enneagram and how that plays out. Obviously I'm obsessed with the Enneagram because it's just like a puzzle that we constantly are learning more and more how all of our pieces fit together to make us who we are. And I love that.

It has allowed me to look at myself with so much more compassion and empathy. Thank goodness. Because Lord knows I beat the shit out of myself for most of my life and other people. And I'm going to tell you something. I don't care if you know your type. I don't care if you're even some expert Enneagram person. This is hard personal development and self growth and doing the quote unquote work on ourself is never for the weary, let me tell you. So that being said, I know there are many of you listening and I am so grateful for all the messages that I received, the emails, the reviews. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for pouring into me so that I can continue to pour into you. Thank you for telling me what you need more of and how much you appreciate learning about the Enneagram not just as information but how to use this in your life. And I'm going to give you a good story in a minute. But if this is something that you want to explore further, having a guide is absolutely the easiest way to navigate this. And having somebody that you know doesn't have as much skin in your game, so to speak, we have the ability to be more objective and honest and speak truth in a way that you know, you innocently can't see. That's why they call them blind spots. And I would be honored to walk that journey with you. You, you can either hit me up in my DMs on Instagram, Tracy_ O' Malley, or go to my website, Tracyomally.com the work with me section to learn more. And I have been doing. I've done many hundreds of typing sessions over the last few years and I love it. And I told you early on that I was mistyped as a three about a decade ago, which is the achiever, all my achievers out there. And ironically, the achievers don't always love me very much. They're learning too. As I have softened, they are more receptive to me. But back when I wasn't so healthy.

Threes and me did not get along. I viewed a lot of them as weak for needing the attention. I also low key had envied that they made things look really, really easy, especially the things that I deem as vulnerable, like putting themselves out there, going after it.

So over the weekend I was in California and the intent of the trip was to be there with my friend and we were both working on separate things. She was coming off a launch of something. I have been so head down in coaching so many of you, which is a beautiful, beautiful gift that I know that there is more for me to do with all of you. I want to be able to reach more of you, to serve more of you, to expand, you know, myself in this area. And, you know, so she quite honestly is, you know, Tiffany, you guys have listened to her. I know many of you listen to her. You found each, found us through each other, right? You found me through her, her through me. A lot of you. And so.

You know, she, this is a great story. She has a hard time letting people kind of take care of her. And I love to cook. And so I was doing the cooking. I said, I'm going to do all the cooking and cleaning. Don't you even worry about it because it actually relaxes me. I love it. It's a creative thing for me. It just, I love cooking. And she's like, it's really uncomfortable for me. I said, okay, well what's uncomfortable for me is to ask you to help me with your strategy brain. And she's like, oh my gosh, that relaxes me. I said, great, it's a trade. So while I would be cooking, whether it was a breakfast, sandwiches or dinner or whatever it was.

She would be on my laptop typing away. And.

I'm just gonna say this out loud. I am the worst self marketer of all time. Yes, I am the worst marketer of all time. And I've said this before, joking. I've even said it to her, joking. And I know that sounds ridiculous for those of you that know me in the network marketing space, you know, or you may not know, but I went from zero social network to a $1 million income in 26 months. So you hear that and you're like, how the hell are you the worst marketer ever? If that's possible. I get it. I also, back in the corporate land was top salesperson. I was selling cars like they were candy bars. No big deal. I could market. I have a great marketing strategy with other people. A lot of the clients that I work with, I talk about my marketing strategy for them. I don't not have a clue when it comes to strategy and marketing. And I know what works, I really do. And I know how to tap into obviously the human mind. And.

You know, using the Enneagram has allowed me to be a great marketer, but I am a terrible self marketer and this came to a head this weekend. So it's really easy to stand behind a product that I love in network marketing. The products that I have shared for the last almost eight years now, I love them. It's easy for me to put my face on it because I use them all the time back in the day in the car industry, you know, I. It was not me, it was a business. So that was really easy and I needed to hit a bottom line for my livelihood, so that was easy. Those of you that are listening right now that are in your own personal brand or you know, you are the solopreneur or you are the face of your business, some of you love this, the Threes. This is why Threes. This is part of the reason why I low key envy the Threes. And I've tried to be like a three. I am not a three. It exhausts to be like a three. So I'm just saying that out loud. But I love you Threes. And the Threes and me, we do have this beautiful love for each Other.

So over the weekend, Tiffany's typing away while I'm cooking, and she's asking me what I want to do and what that looks like with. You know, because I'm talking about doing. And I would love some feedback, y'. All. I've been talking about doing typing workshops for you guys. Um, for those of you that have struggled with finding your type, you have heard me say 65 to 70% of you are mistyped. So I'm like, I do workshops all the time with mastermind teams and businesses and organizations. How about bringing a bunch of individuals together to do a typing session or a typing workshop? So this way, not only do you learn how and what your ideal or what your true type is, but you'll also hear me interview and question other people. So not only is that letting you into what other types look like when you're out in your own world. You know, it's not your job to type people, but you'll hear the questions I asked to really get to the heart of things, and that will help you be a little bit more emotionally intelligent when it comes to dealing with others. So I'm like, this is great. This is the. The problem that needs to be solved in the Enneagram world is this mistyping thing. And so I've been really, really working hard on figuring out a way to serve you guys. And so my typing workshops, I do that through, you know, organizations and teams and families and stuff like that. But how about the individual that maybe either is afraid to go one on one with me in a regular typing session? I mean, I'm booked out two to three weeks, so, like, there is not enough hours in the day for me to continue at the pace I'm at. Not only that, I'm so busy, I can't create, right? So that's why I went away this weekend, so I could actually create something. So she's asking me questions about, okay, what does that look like? And what do they get for that? And then we went into more of the structure, because I am doing these amazing programs for businesses and organizations. There's, like, two choices. One's a premium, one's a platinum. What that looks like. She's asking me all these questions, and I'm going to give you a little insight to the enneagram 8.

We don't like to be questioned. Do you want to know why?

And she is the safest person in my life, Mind you. We've had discussions before because she is that. Six. She's the loyalist. She naturally asks lots of Questions because she needs certainty, right? And whether it's a business thing or we're chatting about our personal lives, when she has gone into the interrogation mode, which is all from love and care and service, and because she cares about me, I notice that I sometimes get triggered. And it has nothing to do with what she's talking to me about. It's because as an enneagram8, I don't. I assume if you're asking me a tons of questions that you think I'm weak and don't have this handle, then that is like the death of an eight. And so I've told her that I'm like, listen, I know that what you're asking me is because you love me, and I just need you to be mindful that. Be a little gentle with me in the questioning. It doesn't mean I don't want to answer them, because I know that you're asking because you want to help me and you care, but I immediately. My natural instinct as an 8 is to go to, what, you don't fucking think I have this handled? Or what, you think I'm weak, right? Because that's what an 8 does. We. We pretty much compartmentalize things as either weak or strong. And if you're questioning me, it must mean you think I'm weak. It's also when you know, things are going on around my house and I get questioned, I can kind of get back up on my heels. And thank goodness I've done enough work on myself where I can kind of catch that. So we've had this discussion in the past. So, you know, we had a very vulnerable weekend together. She's got some stuff. I've got some stuff. I mean, she is my person. I am her person. For all my Grey's Anatomy fans, like, you know what I'm talking about when I say she is my person, I can talk to her about anything, which is the first time in my life I've had that same for her. And she was so great helping me and, you know, mapping out what this looks like for all of you and. And so that I can give all of you the very best of what I am. And I've been wanting to do this for a long, long time. Not only have I packed my schedule coaching so many of you, which I love, I would do that all day long, but I've also used that as a way to avoid doing this. And it came to a head while she was asking me all those things. I started to say things like, fuck this. I don't want to do it. Fuck it. Forget it, forget it, forget it. And I was. And she was looking at me and I'm like, seriously, this is like, I don't know, I don't know.

And.

Obviously, obviously. And I can say this with so much confidence, I know without a question of a doubt that I am the very best at what I do. I really, really do when it comes to the enneagram and leadership and the formula of leadership, whether it's in your home or in your business. And integr that and the implementation of these tools. And there is no one better at this than me. And I know this. And I don't say that lightly. I have worked really hard. I am passionate about it. Yet when it came to coming up with how I market that and me having to articulate that, I started to shut down. And.

I told her, I said, wow, okay, this, this hit a sore spot for me. And this is. This, this became very evident as to why I haven't done this before. She. She looked at me because we've joked about this. When it comes up, when it comes time to be naming things or programs, I've done tons of programs over the years and I'm not creative when it comes to that. I'm like, I don't give a shit what it's called. Just put me in front of the people and let me do my thing. Because that is my gift. Any of you that have ever worked with me, you know that when it comes to this podcast, I don't have an outline, I don't write notes beforehand. I just hit record and go, that is where I'm good.

And so she's not, she's the opposite. She's very, you know, all my sixes out there, you guys are like prepared for worst case scenario five times over. And it became very apparent as she was questioning me, me wanting to shut down. I'm like, I just want to get in front of the people. I was basically having like 49 year old tantrum with so much like, I wasn't like over the top or extra or anything like that. But I said to her, I said, this, this is the very thing. And it was like, I knew this, but I had never articulated it to another person. And she saw it firsthand. She goes, you know all those years that we've been joking about you not naming things and you know, she hates numbers, but she can count money. That's her joke. She's not a numbers person, but she knows how to count money. That's all she needs to do. Thank you. And for me, I've joked that, yeah, don't put the creative part on me. Like, I don't like marketing. I'm like. And I've joked about it. You know, sometimes we joke about things and poke fun at ourselves to hide some of our most insecure moments. And as my beautiful best friend sat across from me, seeing how hard this was for me, I said to her, I said, this is what's held me back. She goes, I thought, like, you not liking this part was just you not liking it. I said, no, I don't like this because it makes me feel stupid. And I feel insecure because if I can't even explain to you in words what it is I do, how the fuck am I supposed to do this with so many people? Even though I know with all my being I'm very best at what I do, but do I know how to market it? Not so much. And I am also very aware that, you know, we're all going to be messy at first at things, even things that we're really good at. I'm great at the Enneagram. When I first started talking about it, I was a little messy. Now I could flex that muscle in my sleep.

But it really revealed to me.

How I hold myself back and where my unhealthy 8 can go in not sharing my gifts. And thankfully, that vulnerable moment was what I needed because I have written it off that I'm too busy coaching all of you and serving the people right, which I am. That's not true. I've also had to own that. I have packed my schedule so I can avoid this insecurity of mine. But I am also becoming more aware of how many of you have reached out needing what I provide. And I know that my gifts are not having the ripple effect I would like it to because I. There's only so many hours in the day to do one on one. And I will continue to do that because I love the one on one. Love it. But I do serve groups and teams like nobody else. I know this. But in order to get in front of them, I gotta market myself. So it's like this vicious cycle. And her and I had a conversation today and yesterday about it. And she thanked me for my vulnerability. And it, like, it's so painful for me. I can't even express to you how hard that was for me, but it was the very thing I needed to say out loud to say, yep, that's my truth. And one of two things can happen. And I've said to her, like, I've even tried hiring people to. To kind of, like, take what I'm saying and articulate it into beautiful marketing, and it has not worked. I've hired a few different people to try it. I get frustrated. I said, well, they must suck. But here's the thing. The common denominator is always me and me just giving up because I don't want to look stupid or not speaking more truth about what it is I do until they actually get it because I don't want to appear like I don't know what I'm doing has kept me and my gifts from touching who it needs to touch. So I'm sharing all that with you because each of you, each enneagram type, has something that is an insecurity that holds us back, right? And the Eights, we are. We are a group that is very decisive, very domineering. We. I joke all the time. I said, I'm an eight, and, you know, I will run into a burning building and not think twice about it or twice about the consequences until after. That's the heart of the eight. But putting myself out there and my personal brand and what I am doing, it was really easy when it was network. When it's a network marketing company, it's really easy. When it's a, you know, corporation behind me, it's been really easy for everything. But when it's me as far as being an eight, that is the most vulnerable thing I can do. You're basically putting yourself there, saying, go ahead and knock me off this thing. Which an 8 doesn't like. Doesn't mean I won't punch back, But.

I like to fly under the radar. I like to have you not see me coming. That's where I like, I feel most comfortable. And that being said, I also know that being our most comfortable won't allow us to grow. And so that needed to happen this weekend for a few reasons, for me to finally admit that this is a hard thing for me. And just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not beautiful. And anything great usually has some pain in the beginning of it. It doesn't mean that everything has to be hard. But some of our biggest growth moments come when it's hard and painful. Sometimes it doesn't mean we have to blow up our lives, which I have done that too. I don't recommend it, but using some of our biggest fears and, you know, I have surrounded myself with people I trust, which does not come easy for me. And.

She looked at me. And she's like, oh, this is happening. This is freaking happening. And, you know, this she could do in her sleep. And the more she was typing away, I was, I was getting more anxious and anxious. I was like, oh, my God, like, how am I ever going to do this? How am I ever going to do this?

And then today I talked to somebody else, like, this is not my strength. This is not my strength. But in order to execute this, I need support. That is like the hardest thing for an eight to say. And I did it. And that is how I'm going to be able to serve more of you. And I am really excited about it. So that being said, I wanted to share some things that are coming with the podcast. I know there's many of you that listen that have raised your hand, said, I want to be a guinea pig. I want to be a guinea pig for the live coaching on air. So there's going to be two different kinds of coaching I do on air. There's going to be the interviews with people that have gone through my typing process. And you're going to hear what learning about their type and all the ins and outs of their type and how I've helped them navigate integrating it in their lives and the growth they've had from that. You're going to be so blown away by so many of these beautiful, amazing stories. Men, women, couples, families. I'm going to bring it all to you. I might even do panels of three, two or three of the same type and hear how different each type can look. Because I work with a lot of the same type and they could look very, very different.

So that's going to be some of the live coaching. I'm also going to be doing some live typing sessions on air. And I know all of you are salivating right now that want to get typed properly. And I'm going to tell you, like, the online assessments is just a sliver of the beginning. 65 to 70% of the time, even on those paid online tests, they're inaccurate. And I was looking through all the hundreds I have done today.

Those numbers ring true. So, you know, unless you know what to do with that information, it can be really, really challenging. I mean, there's ways you can do it yourself, but by doing the typing workshops that I'm going to be bringing to you or the typing one on one sessions with me, which I do privately and on air, I'm very excited for you guys to hear my process in helping you figure out what your true type is. Now there is A few things. I'm going to have an application process and, and there will be a, a fee. Not what I normally would charge, but a fee because you're really getting the whole shebang. And I want those that are serious and ready. If you are on air with me, it can be anonymous or we can just use first name. You're not obligated to promote it. It does not matter to me. But I want you guys to hear what that process looks like and if that's something you want to do, hit me up in the DMs. That's going to be coming out very, very soon. I'm very excited about that. That's pretty risky to kind of do this live on air.

But yeah, I'm very excited about what that's going to bring to you also. If you are.

If you lead a team, whether in the corporate America or even network marketing teams or, or any kind of leadership team, if you are in charge of it and you want to bring your team of people together or your high level executives together to do some of this work. I just recently did a beautiful organization here in the Valley. They had five people in their leadership team, plus the owner and bringing all of them together and typing all of them individually as well as debriefing with the leader and letting that person know who they're working with. How to bring the best out of this person, this person, this person. And how to build a culture and communicate in a way that is bulletproof so that you can do the mission you're here to do. I do that as well. I love also speaking with masterminds and doing this like if you run a mastermind and one of the greatest gifts you can give people at the front end of a mastermind because imagine if you haven't been in a mastermind before, you are stepping into a room of people that are doing usually a lot better than you. That's the whole goal of the mastermind, is to learn from each other, right? And we all bring different skill sets. And I've been in a mastermind for the last gosh, almost four years now. And every time I walk in I'm uncomfortable. And if you run a mastermind, giving them this gift at the front end of it, doing the typing and bringing you all together so you know who's in the room. I think that that will help break down any walls or insecurities right from the get go. So you as a mastermind facil can give these beautiful people your best and bring out the best in them and understand where things might go sideways so that you can.

Give them exactly what they came here for. Also, what this does for those that facilitate masterminds is when you start with this and you are able to help them pivot faster because you understand what's happening with them. The value of what you've given them through your mastermind goes way up, way, way up. So I love doing this for mastermind groups too. So if that is something that you want to bring into the arena you are in, please reach out to me. You can inquire either on Instagram, traceyomally or I prefer you go to my website and email me there. I also do family groups. Done all sorts of family groups. It's amazing to see what we can do.

When we really allow ourselves to not only be seen, heard and understood, but allow ourselves to freely see, hear and understand those that we lead and those that we love. So, you know, I was able to be seen, heard and understood this morning, even though I wanted to hide. And I'm so grateful for all my eight parts and all my awareness on my eightness and knowing my six friend and really leaning into that vulnerability. And even, even though it's scary and uncomfortable, knowing that to grow, it's going to hurt. And it might hurt so good. And that's okay too. So I hope that this little vulnerable podcast episode really helped you. I know there's many of you out there that are crushing it. And even those that are crushing it, I want you to know I'm crushing it. I am. I am. I'm doing a really. I'm doing really great work right now. And even I feel like, shit, this is hard. Like, this is really hard. And I wanted to share that with you. For those of you that think, like, you're the only one that is struggling, you're the only one that is like, I suck at life or we all do. None of us are ever alone. And I think the more real we can be about this crap, the better. And so even though this was really hard for me to say and share, it's going to make me accountable to get shit done. But also, I know that many of you maybe needed this message today. So reach out. I would be honored to walk any part of this journey with you. You guys light me up and. And inspire me to wake up really fired up every day, the more that you allow me to help you put your pieces of the puzzle together. And until next time, here's to becoming bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the becoming bulletproof.

Podcast.

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