125: Using the Enneagram for TRUE and Sustainable Healing so that you can live the life you desire

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go. FOREIGN.

Hey superstars. Welcome to another show. I am going to give you a little quickie today. This is on my heart. I hear this all the time. And every time I see this on social media.

I kind of roll my eyes. Not out of judgment, but because it's like, damn it. Clearly the message isn't getting through that I send out sometimes. And I've had to learn this the hard way. Like, that's why I don't judge seriously. Everything that I've learned.

Even with some of the greatest education and teachings in my life, a lot of the shit that we really take and apply we had to learn through mistakes, bad decisions, the hard way.

And having a guide.

I have operated most of my life without a guide. I learned very early on that I couldn't rely on many people. The very people that were meant to keep me safe and protected didn't. So if I couldn't trust that they would be there to have my back, why would I ever trust anybody else? So I have operated very much like a lone wolf most of my life. If I had to figure something out, I wouldn't ask. I would figure it out. And that proved, I mean, I've. I've proven to be pretty successful in doing that. I will say that. However, that being said, I'm missing out on a lot of joy when I do that. Not only that, I exude and use up a lot of my energetic resources doing things that aren't natural for me. And now I'm not saying that we shouldn't learn how to do things, but the things that aren't naturally in my wheelhouse that I have chosen to kind of explore on my own really energetically can bankrupt me sometimes. And then I'm not good for the people I care about the most. I'm not good for myself. And what I'm about to tell you comes into play.

So we see in.

The Internet space, we see it on tv, we see it in talk shows, we see it everywhere. All you need is self love and self care. And I'm telling you right now, like, I get that in theory. I really, really do. Like, if we just loved ourselves more, we would make decisions based on that and all of that. And if, if self care was all about a spa day or getting our nails done or hitting the golf course or, you know, working out or moving your body or eating well, if that was all it took to be successful, well, shit, wouldn't we all just do that? Here's the problem. And this is where the Enneagram has really helped me and helped me help thousands of others also. If you are like me, early on in your life, you took a hit to the heart, right? Usually before the age of 10. My first memory of that was 4, 4 years old is when the first dagger hit. And I have used this analogy before.

I may have said it on the show before. I think I have. When I was six years old, I broke my arm, didn't tell anybody. It's kind of just to let you know, the scene in the house, I didn't tell anybody for two reasons. I knew that there would be a fight because I wasn't supervised. And two, I knew there would be a fight because now it was going to cost some money. And for two days nobody noticed that I broke my arm. I know I've shared this before, but you need to hear it in this context, okay. Because this is a really important part of the message of where your belief about self love and self care comes from. And this is where my belief came from. And so no matter how much I was loving and caring for myself, there was this underlying belief sabotaging that. And I'm sure there's one for you.

So back to the story. Two days go by. Little T has a broken arm at 6 years old and tells no one. It was my left arm. I am a lefty. And by day two, obviously I couldn't hide it anymore. And the two things that I worried about happening did. And nevertheless, I ended up at the hospital to get a cast on my arm. Now, if you've ever broken a bone before, if you don't get it set properly right away, what they have to do is go in and re break it. You see it coming, it hurts like a motherfucker, all the things, right? But it's necessary that Pain is necessary so that I have optimal use of my arm. We're here for the long game and if I didn't handle it, then I would have a life full of issues with my left arm. And since it's kind of important, since it's my dominant hand, it was important.

Thankfully, they re broke it even though it hurt.

Because to this day I can still throw a pretty damn fast, pretty darn fast fastball.

But my point is this. Sometimes we have to go and re break some things in order for it to heal properly so that we can use it the right way. And that includes our heart. Little T got her heart pretty stomped on from the age of four and for the next, oh, I would say a few decades that continued. And the thing about our heart is we can have it break, breaking. And a lot of times nobody notices even yourself. You become numb to it, it gets pieced back together, scar tissue forms over it gets calloused, right? And all those things over time add up. Now here we are into our, you know, business land and our work life or family life, romantic life, friendship life, and we're operating with a piece together heart. I did this up until I was 40. And when we hear things like all you need is self love and self care, like in theory, we all know that that sounds really amazing. But if I'm going back to the belief that was rooted When I was 4 years old, what love meant to me was that it would have to hurt and care to me, melt neglect and abandonment. And when we come into our adult life with those lingering beliefs which unless you heal them, and I mean really heal them, not just understand them from a mindset point of view, I understood all this shit for a long, long time. I understood why it was the way it was, I really did. And I had compassion for my parents, quite honestly, I had compassion for a lot of people. But until you allow yourself to feel the things.

You carry the belief of what love and care is into your life. And every time I thought about self love, it would mean beating myself up. Because that's what love meant to me when it met. When it came to time for self care, it meant neglect and abandonment of myself, right? Meaning doing some abusive things to my body, whether it was through my eating habits and dysfunctions with that and exercise habits and drinking and you and geez, just name what I have done in the form of neglect to my body and my soul. That would explain a lot, right? Sometimes we have to go in and re break our heart a little bit so that it can heal properly. So that when we do say words like self love and self care, we know it's at its most beautiful state. And it's coming from the belief of something absolutely beautiful without all the wounding that it came with. So, you know, in place of things like self love and self care, because depending on how you grew up, Lord knows, I'm sure, and the thousands and thousands and thousands of people I've worked with along the way, especially the most successful people that are out there, the ones that you idolize, the ones that you look up to, the ones that you want to be like, they all have a painful past. There is nobody that I know that is super successful without some grit that like, they've had to go in and re break their heart a little bit in order to have some of the successes they have. That being said, there's a lot of successful people out there that have made it happen, maybe on paper, but are still in the pit. And there are some people that are in the pit, you know, financially, but are happy, you know, in their other parts of their life. And anytime there's not this harmony within all the areas of your life, that means there's some re breaking that needs to go on. Now, that being said, the rebreaking process, although the re breaking of my arm was really, really painful, the pain wasn't as long.

Like, that pain was pretty quick. It hurt probably worse than most things I had experienced in my life, but it was quick and it was for something really positive long term. Whereas if I hadn't fixed and had that bone rebroken, there would be lingering, throbbing pain probably the rest of my life. And not just pain in the physical form, but pain in the emotional form. Because it would have limited some of the things I love to do, like sports and activities and all sorts of things, right?

So sometimes we have to go in and re break our heart a little bit in order to really have the love and care for ourself, to really go the distance in whatever we desire for our life, whether it's in love, in our family life, in building a legacy financially and emotionally and spiritually. Physically. You know, the rebreaking process, just like the arm, doesn't have to take a long, long time, but you have to be willing and you have to be willing to have no expectation on how that rebreaking looks sometimes. And that's where I come into play. That is what I have helped thousands of people do in integrating the enneagram in their life. Because it helps you really understand where all this is Rooted from. And it really gives you the roadmap. When it feels like the pain is going to be too much, you have a roadmap to get back onto your soul's path. And the re breaking process isn't as hard. Still painful. I can't say it's without pain, because it is. But knowing that on the other side of that pain, it's very temporary and it's very quick, especially the more transparent and willing you are to dive into it, that re breaking process really isn't as bad as you might think. And using the framework of the Enneagram has allowed me to. I had 40 years of stuffed down, shoved down, numbed out, sabotage kind of stuff. I had 40 years of shame and guilt and regrets, wreckage. And the Enneagram helped me get right back on course. It served as a compass in every area of my life. And when I teach you how to integrate this into your life, it's way more than a fun party game, y'. All. It's way more than just saying, hey, I'm a type 8 and that's who I am, and deal with it. And there's so many complexities to this that can be so beneficial for your life.

One of the things that I have changed my language from because I, you know, no matter how much work I do on myself, there's always a day that a new level of growth is right around the corner. And anytime we are experiencing or heading towards a new level of growth, that does not come without a little bit of pain and resistance. Now, how we deal with the pain and resistance is up to us, right? But it's. There always has to be a breakdown in anything for growth, whether it's your muscles, right? That's why when we work out and we have the breakdown of muscles, that's how we grow them. The same thing is true with our own personal and emotional growth. And this emotional intelligence, which is emotional intelligence, hands down, is the greatest predictor of success. So I'm telling you right now, you want to have success in your life, in all areas of your life in the most harmonious of ways. So you don't feel so compartmentalized. This is what is required. It really, really is. Emotional intelligence is everything. And the Enneagram and the integration of it and the framework of it really can help now to get there faster. Having a guide definitely speeds the process up and makes it not feel so hard. And like you're going in blind.

Because what I strive for with everyone, you know, no matter how much work I do, like I said, there's going to be levels of growth that really bring me to my knees and really hit a wound maybe that went a little deeper than I originally had thought. And that's the beautiful part about this, is when I realized that there's a deeper wound than I thought. One of two things, you know, I wasn't ready and able to see the depths of it at the time.

And also, you know, sometimes there's so much scar tissue over a wound, until we kind of really work it out, we don't get to the root of it. And because I know that to be true, I don't have to beat myself up that I didn't work hard enough on the wounding or that I didn't do all the right work to heal. There's always going to be a next level. Always. We are so complex as human beings. And the most important part is that you're honest, open, and willing to the process. That's how we do it. It's how we do it. And with the framework of the Enneagram, you don't get off track for very, very long, I'm telling you guys. And so some of the language that I've really changed in myself and help thousands of other people with is this self love and self care. Because if we throw it around, whether it's with ourself, you know, that love one, I think is some of the hardest wounding to heal. It's so deep and complex, and especially if you came from some neglect early on in your life, that wound is pretty deep, too. So when we hear things like self love and care from all the gurus out there, like, in theory, I still get it. And in our mindset and all our personal developing, we get it. But that emotional intelligence will have us resisting it because we're like, nope, nope, nope, we know what this means. Our heart knows what this means. And it means insert what your belief is. So how I started switching a lot of this is instead of self love and self care, I use the word self honor. Because love and care can be very subjective to whatever you experienced. Right? You know, and we've all got a story. You don't see the glory without a story behind it. And we've all got one. Every single one of us has one. And your story and your experience and your perspective is unique to you. And if you start comparing that yours isn't as bad as somebody else, you are selling yourself short. You know, I've shared many stories over the last year and a half on this podcast. You know, some of my biggest traumatic events was one story told. And I've experienced a lot of really big trauma in my life. So when we minimize the things that have wounded us, we are impeding on our healing process. And that is not honoring the word honor. There's no gray area with what this means. It means high respect.

High great esteem.

To fulfill an obligation or keep an agreement with ourselves or other people.

So instead of using self love and self care, I always use what would a self honoring woman do today? And especially when it comes to having hard conversations or laying down a boundary, or the way that I talk to myself, or the things I say yes to, or when I have to speak up for myself or ask for what I need, which is very, very hard for me. Again, when I use care, I go to neglect and abandonment. So to ask for what I need feels very scary at times. But when I think about what would it, what would I do if I was self honoring right now? I would absolutely say this is what I need to be my very best for you. This is what I need to be my very best for the vision and mission that I know is on my life.

And so how we get to self honoring is really allowing ourselves to go in and re break our heart a little bit so that we can step into the greatest good and the calling that is on your life. It's amazing. And the framework of the Enneagram can make this a lot easier. And like I said, having a guide to do this with you and not going in blind, especially if this is not your expertise, which you know, I know there's a lot of Enneagram fans and junkies out there and I get it. But most of you only know your number and very little about it. There's so many complexities about it. So having a guide that has done this for damn near a decade, not just with myself, in and out, back and forth. I've done it and used it in my family. I use it every day in my family with my children. Raising kids is not easy. It's the hardest thing in the world. It's also the most beautiful thing in the world for me, you know, and having 20 year olds, 20 something year olds that are really healthy, emotionally, physically, spiritually, even financially. I've got two very strong, financial intelligent kids. I could not have done that without this framework. It would have made it very complicated. I've used it in building multiple businesses that are very, very successful and my money blocks and how I felt about.

Financial stuff and success and what that meant and what that cost me. I've used it to really manifest the most incredible inner circle of my life. And I use it in, you know, allowing my heart to open up. It's scary. And without the Enneagram, I would have blown that shit up a long time ago, for sure. I would have sabotaged. I would have shut myself off from it. But using the Enneagram in all those areas has made it a lot less scary. It doesn't mean it's without pain, like I said, but it's amazing. And I know there's so many of you that have this calling on your life. And you know, you're passionate and you believe in what you're doing, whether it's in your career, in your parenting, in your families and your relationships, your friendships, whatever that is for you. And you know you're playing small, or you hold yourself back, or you take four steps forward and 10 back, whatever that looks like for you. Having a guide to that has not only walked her talk, but continues to do it for herself, her family, for her businesses, for other people, for businesses, for organizations. Let me guide you through the process. It's amazing and, you know, to look at so many of my clients over the years. And I'm gonna be bringing many of them on the podcast so that you can hear what understanding the framework of the Enneagram has done in their lives and their families and their businesses. And usually they come to me for business because I am very, very, very strategic and business savvy. But the compound effect of every area of their life when I talk about harmony and feel like they are congruent in all areas of their life. This is the beautiful bonus of using the framework of the Enneagram and integrating it in your life. And there is nobody out there that I know of that can really walk you through what integration and application of this is a lot of great information teachers out there. I am not knocking them. They are amazing information teachers out there. Amazing. But if you need a guide to take you through the process, I am your girl, and I would be honored to do that. You can find me. This is something that has been tapping on your heart. You've been listening to this podcast for a while and you're like, damn it, I know she's my girl. Don't be afraid. I am gentle, I am strong, and I can have your back all the time with this. You can find me@traceyomalley.com the work with me section. You can find me on Instagram. Tracey o'. Malley. It would mean a lot if this is landing on your heart. If you took a screenshot right now, or if you're driving, pull over and do it. And I want you to hear, I want to hear right now. What are you doing to honor yourself? What does self honoring mean to you? And maybe where have you fallen short in that because of old wounding that maybe you didn't even realize was there? But listening right now you're like, oh shit, yeah, there's something there. Maybe you've just spent a lifetime like I did.

Shoving it down, numbing it out.

Success. Using success to kind of drown it out or to justify some of your behaviors. I want you to be successful and I want you to enjoy all of it. I want you to elegantly move through all areas of your life without feeling like you're wearing a million different hats. You can wear the same hat in all areas of your life and it can feel so harmonious. Will there be balance? Hell no. Because life is real, right? Right. Life is going to come and kick the shit out of you from time to time. But you can even have harmony in the ass kicking, let me tell you. Because I've had my ass kicked pretty hardcore the last two years and I'm still finding harmony in all areas of my life, even in the pain that is the beautiful byproduct of being honest, open and willing to do this work every day. And it's why I'm great at what I do. Because I walk that talk before I even pick up my phone or check my email or serve any of you. I am doing my work first. Do you want to know why? Because that is what self honor means, right? And honestly, if we can all get to a place of self honoring, I think all of our relationships would be better. We would have more success. We would have the abundance that we crave in our life. When we want to manifest things, we actually manifest all the beautiful things. And all you master manifesters out there, you got to be careful. Because if you are speaking and thinking some hard things about love and care, you're going to manifest that too. So when we change the belief system to honoring, you will be able to manifest everything that you desire and know that you deserve it. And that is my wish for each and every one of you. And I would be honored to take you on that journey. So in the meantime, I would love to hear what you're doing to honor yourself or maybe where you need help and where this landed on your heart. And until next time, here's to becoming bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in. To the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an Honest and Love 5 star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work.

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