126: Growth Numbers in the Framework of the Enneagram: Are you avoiding growth? Here’s why it’s so important

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go.

So let me guess. You have been following all these amazing, incredible information teachers of the Enneagram, you've even screenshotted some of their stuff, shared it in your stories, talk about your Enneagram type. You talk about it at parties. All of it. Right? I get it. I'm obsessed too. However, it isn't moving the needle like you want it to. It's great. It's great. We can talk about it and joke about it and even share the memes and all the things about the Enneagram. But if you're just doing that, you're leaving a whole bunch of amazing shit on the table that could really help you change your life. I was coaching a client yesterday and I was talking to her about how I use the Enneagram like a machine, you know, and if you haven't listened to a previous episode about our growth numbers, honestly, I think it's one of the most, least, the most undersung part of the Enneagram, especially as a leader. I utilize the growth numbers actually more than the Enneagram type. Right? Because it's in the real growth that we can really have the radical changes that we want. It's why a lot of people come to me for business strategy, have a strategic as fuck brain. But when I can utilize this powerhouse tool of the Enneagram, we can move the needle a hell of a lot faster. And those blind spots that really get in the way and you know, the growth numbers, you know, anytime you're growing, it's hard. I don't care how much you see the big picture ahead. I don't care. I mean, let me tell you, I can see very clearly what's going to happen in my life. Let me tell you. I do. And I'm never freaking wrong. Now the way I get there, yeah, that's where we kind of like, derail ourselves, right? Because it doesn't maybe go the way that we expect it to. Maybe it's a lot harder than we expected to. Lots of twists and freaking turns to get there. And so, you know, when we're growing, growing is never simple. And if you look back on your life, I'm sure you can find a lot of evidence that shows you that anytime you had a big growth spurt, whether it was physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally, whatever it was, there was a whole bunch of. Before you actually came out of it and saw how much growth you had. Right? We. We know this, yet we still freaking resist growth because it's painful, it's awkward, it's messy, it hurts. All of it. Same thing with childbirth. We keep having freaking babies. It's like, as soon as the baby's here, boom. You forget what labor was like. I mean, I'm a perfect example of that. Seriously. I was in 36 hours of labor with my first 36. Pushed for three, broke all the blood vessels in my eyes. Holy shit. It was so hard that my doctor had to get on a freaking step stool to push down on my stomach.

To get this damn baby out. That being said, guess who was pregnant three months later, forgot that whole experience, right? So my point is this. When we're growing, there is going to be uncomfortableness, but we resist it. And how you can use the enneagram like a machine is this. So I'll use myself as an example. So as an enneagram 8, my growth number is 2, right? So you have all the components of your main type, and it's awesome. But you don't want to stay in your type, because then, like, you can't be as versatile. And you want to be a utility player to every single type. And the more you grow, the more you can embody the other eight types, not just your own. So you don't want to just stay, like, in your zone. So although I love being an eight, I do today, now that I figured this out, I don't want to just talk to eights, even though that's. That's a pretty cool, intense conversation.

The ability to connect with other people isn't a natural thing for an eight. Eights are very intense. That scares a lot of. A lot of people away, especially when they're not healthy. So the growth number for an 8 is the Enneagram 2, which is the helper. All the beautiful traits of that. Now, it's not a natural go to not even remotely. For me to lean into compassion and empathy and be a natural helper, I'm not. You know, the eight is like survival. Like the challengers basically live every day like it's an episode of Survivor. They really do. And so to lean into the helper, all of a sudden, we always have our, our all our eyes on all things. So how I use the other components of the Enneagram, like your wings, your subtypes, things like that, to push me into growth, right? Because every part of me will resist the growth, will resist the enneagram 2 in me. But there are times sometimes that I can lean into my wings to help this process, knowing where I need to go for growth. I know I. I know exactly where the I'm headed in the two, and I still resist it. I have the framework, I have the roadmap. I know exactly where I'm going. And yet it still is not easy. And so this is when you utilize the other parts to help this thing move like a machine. So when I'm resisting it, I lean into my, my nine wing, my Yoda. The healthy parts of the nine, right? Not the slothy, lazy, spirited kind of parts of the nine, right? Which I tend to do from time to time too. Did over the weekend. But I use the healthy parts of that nine, that, that wisdom, that Yoda, the seeing the bigger picture of things and, and being a little bit gentler and less judgmental. The nine is that beautiful peacemaker, right? The healthy parts. Sometimes I need to check into my wing a little bit to see the bigger picture. So I'm not as resistant to growing into the two. Because every part of my eightness does not want to go to the two. Nope. Nope. Every part of my eight tells me that is unsafe. Protect at all costs. We do not be vulnerable. That's when bad things happen. So even in my healthiest of eights, my natural instinct is to go into that. So it's when I check into my nine wings sometimes, like for that wisdom, for that bigger picture view, for that gentleness, for that less judgment on myself and, and whatever else I'm going to do, sometimes that doesn't even do it. And some, sometimes I gotta turn over to my seven wing, my visionary, my innovator, my no stupid idea is off the table kind of thing, and anything's possible. And sometimes my seven wing gives me. Gives my eightness a little shove into the two, right? And that's how we begin to use the Enneagram like the amazing tool it is. You got to know all the components, you got to know what they do so that you can push yourself into growth in a healthy, beautiful, elegant way. Now, here's the other part that a lot of people don't talk about on the Enneagram. Like, we know our wings, some of us. And if you don't, you need to book a typing session with me. Let me tell you, a lot of you do or do not know your subtypes. I've done podcast episodes on all of this. So here's the thing. It's your level of health that will determine how the framework runs its course, right? So, you know, with the eight, we go to the two when we're growing, we go to the five when we're under extreme stress. But the beautiful thing about healthy growth is not only do I get to use the 2 in growth, but I can use the healthy 5, too, which is that investigator, the researcher, the troubleshooter, the analytical parts of me, right? And equally, when we're not so healthy, I can take on the unhealthy parts of the five, I can take on the unhealthy parts of the two. So the goal is to get to the highest level of growth for yourself as possible, because once you're able to do that, then you can really pull in and communicate elegantly and beautifully with all the other eight types. You know, I get. I get the. This a lot where people tell me, I feel like you're reading my mind. I feel like you're talking to me. That isn't because I'm some medium or.

Mind reader. I'm pretty damn good. But I do know emotional intelligence, and I use the framework of the Enneagram, and because of the questions I ask and because of the signs that I look for and because I've been integrating this and studying this for 10 years and teaching thousands and thousands and thousands of you how to integrate it. You know, I can really speak to people's hearts. And what does that do? That builds credibility and trust. And when people find you credible and trust you, what do they do? They hire you for them, their families, their teams, for their businesses, for their organizations. The possibilities are endless with. With emotional intelligence. You know, the other thing that I knew how I was growing is, you know, listen to what people say to you. People that you actually respect, people that you would trade places with. Right? You don't need to listen to the people in the peanut gallery that you would give two shits about, you know, living their life. Right? I always tell people, like, only take the opinions and advice from People you'd actually trade places with in all areas of their life, not just their financial life, because there's a lot of people that are crushing it in the bank account, but they're blowing up their life in other areas. So really be mindful of who you would actually trade places with in all areas of your life. But I knew that I was on the right path to growth when I quit hearing, you're like a bull in a china shop, and I started hearing more. You're a breath of fresh air. Now, don't get me wrong, I can still be a bull in a china shop when the time calls, but 99% of the time, I am a breath of fresh air. Because when people are seen, heard, and understood, anything's possible. You build a level of connection and intimacy in all human relationships that is so lacking today. We are living in a world right now that is just angry as fuck, quite honestly. And even on my hardest of days, I really work hard, even through my own pain and my own growing. It doesn't mean that I'm faking it till I make it, because I won't. But I can always find something beautiful. Beautiful to say to somebody else. Even the most salty of people.

Because you never know what's happening behind the. Behind the doors. You never do. And even the most salty people, to me, I will be nice. Because you know what? You just don't know. I try to look at everybody. I try to look at every single person I come in contact with, what they. I imagine. I look at them as they're talking, and I try to imagine what. What they looked like as a little kid. Because usually when all the crappy shit comes out, it's usually a scared little kid inside all of us. I know for me, that's true. And the thousands of people I've worked with over the last 10 years, it's always come true that there's just a scared little kid that's using anger or whatever we use to project or neglect or.

Numb out or whatever. There's always a little kid in all of us that's running the show. And so when we can kind of look into the eyes of people like you're looking at a kindergartner preschooler, you really are able to lean into compassion a little bit more. Now, that doesn't let people off the hook of being dickheads. I'm telling you that right now. I don't let anybody off the hook. And it doesn't make excuses for anybody, and it doesn't enable behavior. But I Have never found one situation where being an asshole back ever really move the needle. And I feel a lot better when I'm a nicer person and I don't use up as much energy. So knowing all these different components is how you integrate the Enneagram. So, like, if you think about, like, the enneagram, one goes to 7 in growth. So that it's not easy for an Enneagram, one who's very rigid and very by the book to all of a sudden let loose and have a little bit of fun. Sometimes they need to use their two and their nine wings, right? To kind of like, hey, let's connect a little bit more. Let's. Let's go have some fun. Or hey, let's look at the bigger picture here. Like, sometimes when we. When we loosen the grip, things kind of go more elegantly. The 2 goes to a 4 in growth. It is not easy for a 2 to be more. A little. Be a little more self absorbed and take time for themselves because every part of them believes that they. Their whole worth is tied into.

What they do for other people. So sometimes they need the one and the three to kind of push them that way. For the three to lean into the healthy six and all of a sudden start troubleshooting. The threes don't like to slow down, not even a little bit, right? So they got to use their other components, their wings, their subtypes.

They got to use all of it. The fours move into the one when they're growing. Fours want to have, like, no restrictions. They want to be free to be whoever the hell they are. And that healthy one has more structure. So a 4 isn't naturally going to want to do that. So sometimes they have to lean on that competitive three part of them or that.

Really tactical, analytical five to kind of like, see, like, yeah, structure here might be actually good for being my most authentic self. The fives go to eight when they're growing.

It's so funny. I work with a lot of fives. A five going to an eight all of a sudden. Decisive, intense, not thinking things as through. The five is like the master investigator, right? All of a sudden being a little more impulsive to a five feels like torture sometimes. But sometimes they need to lean into that heart space four of what's possible. Or the six who is a little bit more decisive. And then the six, oh my gosh, them to go to the peacemaker where they're a little more easygoing. All my sixes are laughing right now. Like, they have plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P For everything to all of a sudden be a little bit more easygoing and seeing the bigger picture. When they're so, like, in the moment and, and looking right like, it's not easy for them. They sometimes need that, that seven wing that anything's possible, and that five wing that kind of connects all the dots. You have all the information here. You don't need any more. Go for it right now. The sevens, when they're growing, you know, the sevens are the life of the party. They go to the healthy five in a growth pattern. The most introverted on the Enneagram, and all my entrepreneurial sevens out there, it's not easy for you to go there. And so sometimes that decisive 8 saying this is what we need to do needs to come into play. Or the, the troubleshooting six is like, listen, you're gonna burn yourself out if you don't take a break and have some quiet container time, right? And so these wings really can help that 7 move into growth there. I already discussed the 8 going to the 2. I use the 9 and the 7 to do that. And then the 9, right, in a growth pattern, they take on the healthy seven. I'm sorry, the nine takes on the healthy three. You know, the competitor, the achiever. The nine is the last person that wants to do that naturally. Like, the last ever wanting to do that naturally. And so sometimes that. That one needs to come into play and have some structure there, you know, because the nine can be kind of lazy in spirit, but that one will keep some structure, and then the decisive eight will push them all over into that achieving role. So you can see how all the components of the Enneagram really work together so beautifully when you know what you're doing with them, but you got to know what you're doing with them. And it's one thing to, you know, screenshot all these cute facts and fun facts about your Enneagram type, but that's not gonna freaking move the needle for you. And they're awesome teachers of the information. But if you really want to use this amazing thing in your life, in your business, in your relationships, your parenting, all of it, this is where you need to be with me. Reach out. You can find me in the dms. I don't do a lot of coaching in the dms, but I'm telling you right now, one session with me feels like 10 years of, like, really good, not too hard therapy. It, like, is so great. Like, like, you just got your Whole soul cleansed. It feels so damn good.

And by typing sessions are life changing for people. And I do an Enneagram experience and then obviously some one on one coaching that is like Enneagram integration on steroids where you have me daily using this tool with you. It's amazing. You can find out all that information@traceeomalley.com the work with me section has all the information there. But I want you to use this information to, to move the needle. Seriously. Information doesn't equal transformation. But you got to know what to do with it. It'd be like having a whole garage full of amazing, beautiful, shiny Home Depot tools and not knowing what the hell to do with any of it. It sure would look pretty in your garage, but it doesn't do jack unless you know what to do with it. And the Enneagram is no different. I would love for you to use this tool in your life. It really provides framework that takes the complication out of so much of this shit. And if you're like me, I mean, I'm knocking on 50's door here. And I know for me, when I started this whole thing at 40, that was a lot of shit to unpack and to try and navigate all of it really would have been impossible. And trust me, I've tried for many years before that. But it wasn't until I found the Enneagram and then really understood the framework of it and then started integrating it that everything, everything got easier. Even the most hard things in my life became easier with this framework. Even if I got off path, it was just like Siri telling me, hey T, go this way back on track over here. And when you can elegantly do that, the shame, the guilt, the sabotage, a lot of that goes away. And I know you have a big mission in this, in this world to do, whether it's in your homes or in your businesses or both. Like me, I know that you, the legacy that I want to leave behind, is something that's pretty damn beautiful. And the framework of the Enneagram has really helped me do that. And if that is something you'd like to do, I would be honored to walk this journey with you.

So, something else that's exciting that's coming. I am going to be doing live typing sessions on the podcast. The podcast is going to be getting a little facelift here in the very near future. And how fun would it be to listen to people get properly typed on air? And if that is something that you would like to explore, there will be a small, tiny investment to do that. But if that is something you would love to do on air, then just email me@info Traciomalley.com hit me up on Instagram and I'll direct you to where you need to go. It'll be an application process, but it will be amazing and you'll learn a lot even when you're not the one on air. Being Coached I have learned more about myself listening to other people being coached, so that's exciting. And I'm also going to be bringing you interviews with people that have worked with me, that have been typed and and done the Enneagram experience or one on one coaching with me so you can hear how integrating this beautiful information into their life has done some incredible things for their bank accounts, for their families, for their relationships, for their health, for their parenting. All of it coming soon to you. And until next time, here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.