131: Jessica’s Story: Client Spotlight -How this Enneagram 5 Came into Herself Personally & Professionally

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week, I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

FOREIGN.

Hello and welcome to a beautiful new episode. And you're getting another special treat. This is the part of the show where I bring people on that have worked directly with me for quite some time. And this beautiful woman I met a year ago, gosh, about almost a year ago, right around this time, she is part of a mastermind.

The powerhouse women mastermind that.

Lindsey Schwartz, who runs that, had me come in and do typing for her entire mastermind. And it was, what a gift to give all these people at the front end of an experience where it's really vulnerable. You're stepping into rooms with people that you might feel intimidated by or you wonder if you even belong there. And I met this beautiful woman in that first round of that mastermind. And it's cool because Enneagram fives, in the entrepreneurial space, they're rare. And you'll understand why in a few minutes. They're rare. But my goodness, when they really embody that and step into that, there's nobody like them. And I tend to attract a lot of fives into my life and into my coaching, and I'll explain why in a little bit. But I think they're the most brilliant on the Enneagram. The thing is, is a lot of times they're the most introverted on the Enneagram. So we don't necessarily get to see all their gifts because they. They keep it hidden away sometimes. And we'll explain why that is too. My dear, sweet Jessica has been working with me one on one now. We met in the Mastermind and then. Was it like in the fall?

Was it in the fall?

I think about November. Yeah.

Yeah. That she's like, all right, I'm ready to go next level with some of this stuff that obviously I am a taskmaster like you give five directions and they will do it perfectly and usually ahead of schedule. And she also recognized that there was a missing piece for her. You know, she could do the things, but there was something holding her back. And so as an enneagram 5, they're sometimes called the investigator, the quiet specialist. They have the motivational need to know and understand things and they value making sense of the work world around them like they're the, the Google machines. And as a result.

You know, they, they can kind of go down the rabbit hole not to come out for a while. Right. They strive for independence, they appreciate privacy and tend to conserve their resources. I call them like the master hoarders of resources and energy to ensure that they have future independence. They want to always be equipped and prepared. And so sometimes holding that stuff to themselves is how they believe that will happen. You know, it's so funny that I just say that, cause I've been kind of reining myself in with some of my eating habits and I've been tracking my macros just to kind of keep myself in check. And I do that with my macros. I'll hoard them through the day so that I make sure I have plenty just in case later. It's so funny. But they offer like, where their gifts come into play in business is they're so objective and they offer this gift of non attachment to themselves in the world so they can really answer things, not emotionally, right? So that can be really great, especially when things get heated. And they do because they are experts at whatever they decide to research. Like when I want something found out, I find a five. I'm like, find out everything about this. And they will have it all down with a spreadsheet and all sorts of cool shit. But where they get into trouble is.

They can be a little stingy sometimes with their information and their energy. They can be intellectually arrogant and disconnected from their heart as they retreat into their mind to avoid being like intruded on or overwhelmed with energy. And this is what happens. I see a lot of time with fives, and we've talked about this in our sessions together, is when you work for somebody else, this is where that intellectually arrogance, that intellectual arrogance can come into play is. I hear this from every five I've ever worked with. They look at that person that they work for, they're like, shit, I can do this so much better. This isn't that hard. And then they go into entrepreneurship, which is kind of what happened to you. And you're like, oh shit. Oh Shit, this is harder than I thought. Yes, tactically, I know how to handle things, like, better than most, but energetically and emotionally, I did not. I was not prepared for the capacity that I would need for that. Which is why you did reach out to me, so. Hi, Jessica.

Hi, Tracy. Thank you so much for having me. That's so spot on.

I know. Gosh, and you guys, I can't even tell you. This girl's energy and posture is like freaking bulletproof right now. A big difference from four months ago.

Yeah, 100%.

When we got talking one on one. So let's take them back to this time last year when you started in a Mastermind, which I can imagine as an enneagram5. That's like, oh, shit, this is scary. Am I going to be able to hang with these people? Do I want to hang with these people? So what made you do that to begin with? Where were you at in your life?

Yeah, so I've been in corporate for forever. I've attempted to start my own business once before and it failed miserably. But great learning experience when I look back on it. But. But I went back into the corporate world and just kept winding up in the same positions over and over again. And not under. I just felt like corporate wasn't for me, it wasn't working. I kept ending up in these positions that were lower than what my intelligence was. I was never satisfied. I kept leaving jobs every one to two years. And so I had this idea for Lady Changemakers, my online directory for women owned businesses. And I just started joining these women's groups that were really out of my comfort zone. And I really admire Lindsey Schwartz, who's founded Powerhouse Women and she was launching a Mastermind. And I just thought, nothing else is working right now. I'm having a lot of trouble just getting Lady Changemakers just talking about it. I couldn't get myself to show up on video. I couldn't get myself to post anything. Couldn't get myself to talk about it to anybody I knew. Um, so nothing that I was trying was working. So I just thought, why not just invest in myself for once? I don't ever do this, and we'll just see where it, where it takes me. Um, but what I found was when I joined the Mastermind, I did keep wanting to emulate all of these people that I thought I was supposed to be. Um, and it's not that I wanted to copy them. It was more. I thought I was an introvert, extrovert. Because, I mean, we can maybe talk about this, but anytime I drink, I go to, like, a Seven. So I'm actually very, very talkative when I have a little bit of a spirit in me. So I thought I was this introvert extrovert. And so I was trying to copy people like Lori Harder, who always says, she's an introvert extrovert, and it just wasn't working. And then you typed me as a Five. And I swear my, like, entire world changed because I was like, okay, I can now accept who I actually am. I am an introvert introvert. Like, there's no getting past. I am introverted. So now I can understand why it's so hard for me to show up on video. Like, it's really hard for me to even show up on podcasts. It gets easier a little bit the more I do them, but it doesn't make it any less scary, honestly.

So when you. When we. When we came to the conclusion that you were a Five, and all of a sudden you're like, yes, I am an introverted introvert. And, you know, you touched on it. We'll touch more on that. When you drank, you went like a Five under stress. Leans into the unhealthy parts of the Seven, which makes a lot of sense why that extroverted part of you would come out sometimes. And I hear that a lot from the Fives is like, there's this fine line between being extra extroverted and, you know, I'm not going to call you manic, but you know what that can look like, right? We can kind of envision what that looked like. So when. When it came across that you're the Five in the group, which usually there's only one, and you were. You are the only Five in that mastermind, at least this, that last year, what was the first aha moment you had? They're like, oh, that. You're like, oh, my gosh, finally this all makes sense.

Sense.

It was more just accepting the fact it was learning who I was. Of course you tell it. I think you tell this to everyone. That when you announced your group, all their types, you're like, okay, the Fives are going to go investigate and learn everything they possibly can on the Enneagram. And I, of course I bought the book you told us to buy, and I read it in like a week. And I essentially just relearned who I was because I thought I knew who I was. I had been working really hard on all of this self improvement stuff and. And thought I was really getting to know myself, which I was. But learning That I was a five just literally changed everything. It made being introverted okay. Which I didn't think it was.

Yeah, and I get that. I see this so much in entrepreneurship and why fives all of a sudden, they're like, shit. Like, I. I don't know if I can be, like, a three or a nine like Lindsay is or. And you try to emulate and me as an eight.

Like, I try to be more three, like, in it. And it just. It feels so ugh to me. Not because threes are ugh, but because I'm not a three, and I'm not motivated the same way. So you trying to force yourself to be motivated by something you never will be motivated by is a recipe for disaster, right? Probably why your other business didn't work out so well. So in that aha moment, although, yes, you're like, yes, this makes sense. What was the aha moment that you're like, oh, crap. Oh, crap. Have I gotten myself into something that I can't do.

Well? So when I learned I was a five, I instantly became obsessed with you. But then I still struggled the entire year trying to sell, and then I convinced myself that fives couldn't sell. And then when I finally talked to you about changed everything. I mean, this is a span from, I think you typed us in February or March of last year to November, where I was just struggling every single day. I was, I hate sales. I can't do this. Nobody wants to hear this from me. Really. All these aha moments happened when I started working with you and you telling me how everything stems from, like, your childhood. And you have to find those, like, defining moments that really shaped your thinking.

And that just changed everything. Because now I know where everything comes from. So now I can notice it when it's happening, because I think we've talked, we've done those Marco Polos back and forth where I'm just, like, I caught myself being stressed and manic, and I was able to pull myself back and reflect and understand why it was happening where before. It's just like, what am I doing wrong? Like, this needs to stop. How do I change this behavior? Like, this isn't okay.

I love that you just said that and having that discernment. And I've said this to you, I've said it on the show before, that each type has their superpowers. And your superpowers powers are, you know, the gift that you're super perceptive. And you offer, like, objective, in depth, insightful observations. You're very curious, and your Intellectual ability, if that's even a word, allows you to explore and build expertise. And that's why people find you credibility, find you credible and trust you. You're unsentimental. So you can approach situations that can get heated. Without that, you're super self sufficient. You can put them in a corner and they can handle things by themselves. Super inventive. You come up with unconventional ideas, which, I mean, we'll get to what you're doing now, but those very things can also become a wrecking ball when we haven't worked on some of that stuff that we've talked about, right? Like these are superpowers when we can connect the dots of why they're great. And what we had to do is kind of connect the dots around what sales meant to you. Marketing money. And because you're curious, unsentimental, self sufficient, perceptive and inventive with an old belief that maybe wasn't so healthy, that equated to you believing sales was manipulation.

So when that aha moment happened and you realize that and you're in an industry where in order to have success, like every transaction in the world is sales. And if you're telling yourself you hate sales, how do you overcome that in such a short amount of time and reframe the belief and heal maybe some of these old patterns that you had around it?

I think the best compliment you've given me and that anyone has ever given me was telling me that I don't have a sales voice.

So you helped me define that just from this moment in my childhood where I was sitting in a church and I just remember the baskets being passed around and then us having to give up money. And that was this moment of like the church is manipulating us to take our money from us. And I originally came to you saying, I need you to fix my money mindset issues. I have money mindset issues. This is all I need from you. And it obviously was so much deeper than that.

But we were able to define that moment and that alone made me understand where it was all coming from so I could reframe it. And you telling me I don't have the sales voice really gave me confidence to talk more about the directory and what I offer and what I can give the community, because I don't feel like I'm coming from that sleazy quote unquote cars salesman type of salesman. So I just felt like I was more confident I could talk about it in my own way, in my own five way. So I am super nerdy and I love being super nerdy. And I never have talked about it before where I will just go nights about reading something. And I do go down the rabbit hole a lot. So I do love to become an expert in whatever I'm interested in. Which is funny because I didn't actually enjoy school all that much, but it was because I wasn't learning what I wanted to learn about.

Exactly, exactly.

So I feel confident in being able to talk from a five perspective where I can still be offering something with value to my community, but then also give something like a statistic that I really enjoy.

That's what I love about five is like, once you guys really use your voice, it's magical because you guys, I love your nerdy ways. Like, I could geek out on just watching five step into their light. It's so amazing because you're so rare. And the whole thing about the church and the basket and the reason it felt so manipulate manipulative to you is because nobody was explaining it because you even said, like, why? Like, and that's a five thing. They need to understand why we're doing things. Otherwise they're like, peace out, boy scout. I'm not doing this right. But as a child, when you don't have a choice, and this was a pattern in a lot of your childhood, is things not getting explained explained to you?

Yeah, I wasn't allowed to ask questions or if I did ask questions, I was told to just listen. Do as you're told. You know, mom's always right. Mom has all the answers. I mean, she never said it from like a non loving place, but that's just what I've been told. And so that's what I retained.

Yeah. What a huge breakthrough to understand that, like, when we talk about sales, because I have the same feeling about sales. I. And I've always been in sales. And I'm like, I'm not a salesperson. Like, yeah, you. You're like number one in the company. And I'm like, yeah, but it's not sales. And the reason I so get that and so respect the fact that you don't have a salesy, cheesy car salesman voice. Because I was in car sales, actually, ironically. But.

The fact is, especially as a 5, and this is like the gift for all you fives listening out there. Like, please be nerdy. Please be you. Because you are the master problem solvers. Because you do have it figured out. You have researched things. You are credible and are trustworthy because you won't blow smoke up our asses. You won't. And I think, like, once you got that, honestly, since that conversation, what I have seen you do publicly is, like, night and day. So did it hit you immediately when we had that conversation, or did you have to chew on that for a while?

I usually do need to just, like, retain things for just a little bit, sit with it, and really marinate in what's happening. One of the things you've really had to help me work through were emotions. Emotions are so hard for me. Whenever people tell me to listen to my gut, like, I don't. That's just, like, not a thing that I understand. Everything is in my head. My head goes 1,000 miles an hour, and I'm thinking 10 steps ahead. I'm thinking about all the possibilities that are out there. So learning to stop and just not listen to my head and try and listen to my body. I think one of the biggest things you told me to do was take a walk, move your body for 20 minutes. And I'm just like, this isn't doing anything for me. I was walking before I had talked to you, but I then started. We had a whole conversation about talking to your inner child. So I took a little Jess on walks with me is what I decided to do. And that's when things actually started turning and I could really work through things on my walks.

That was a game changer for me, too. It's why I have all you guys do it. Because, like, most of us equate childhood as playing outside. And when we move our body, especially outside, I think it really is like this time, like, we're going out to play. And it's a safe place for a child, even when it wasn't safe for maybe you or I growing up to have a voice, to give that part of us an option, to have a voice. And that's where our intuition is. It's where our gut is. Is that kid that's felt, not seen, heard, or understood, all of a sudden, having the freedom to be that with you, it's where everything changes. And it is. You know, fives have the hardest time. When people say, like, get out of your head or trust your gut, they're like, screw you. It's not possible. But here's the beauty of this. And especially the stronger and healthier you've gotten, as you know, that unhealthy seven, where a five goes under stress is all head. Two, like avoidant, like avoidance. So you got your head spinning, so let's go avoid right when we're under a lot of stress. But the growth number of the five, which is why I think fives reach out to me a lot because they know this is in them. But it isn't natural. It isn't a natural movement because a 5 in growth takes on the healthy 8, which is what I am. And that is where your instincts and gut, because we're in the gut triad and that discernment comes in. And like I've told you and many fives.

That'S not a natural go to for you, you'll always have to work at it. Just like any growth, whether it's in the gym for our muscles or our spiritual fitness or our personal development fitness, it's always going to hurt the next day sometimes. And we might have a vulnerability hangover or an energetic hangover or even a physical hangover from this stuff. But knowing that that's where you grow. And I know because fives are the best students ever. Once I told you that, told you that you're like, oh shit, great. But you're not gonna not grow because you're so committed. Like once you're in, like you're in. And this is where that, that really taking that filter to yourself and saying, is this discernment or is this avoidant? Because we can. Because fives, because you're so intellectually arrogant, sometimes you can convince yourself and justify your own bullshit if you're not careful. Same here, same here. Because I go to the unhealthy five when I'm under stress so I can, I can manipulate my own ass and so can fives. And so really putting that mirror up in front of yourself and saying, okay, is this me avoiding or is this me stepping into discernment? How have you navigated and learned how to flex that muscle? You, you are beautifully. Especially the last few months, like you're stepping into it.

Yeah, it's really learning to stand up for myself. And what I know is right in listening more to what I need. One of the strings of an A is being decisive. And I was not, I was last year trying out a bunch of different things and trying to make everything work and trying to. I had my hands in everything. And this year I've really been more decisive and picking a lane and sticking with it. And I've seen so much more growth just from being more decisive, which I was never before. And you also, I. So I have a full time job as well. And I was letting you know I was struggling a little bit there because I do want to make my lady change makers full time. And you really helped me Work through what I can do at my current position to be. To practice being a leader. You told me, well, if this is what you're going to do, this is your last job, so how are you going to make it work for you? So I've really learned to take on this more of a leadership role. Even though that's not my position, I can still exude those traits. And that has made my experience this year so much better than it was entire last year.

Yeah. And I think, you know, I remember when you told me that you were even going to apply for a promotion, and I was like, wait a second, why would you do that? Why would you that mean? You said it's because you're intellectually bored at your job. I'm like, well, that's just gonna put more on your plate and keep you from lady change makers. And maybe that's what you want. Maybe that's your avoidant, right? Maybe that's you like having a backup plan that, you know, keeps you safe. And I said, how about we do this instead? You keep your position and you just flex this leadership muscle since, I mean, it's practice anyway for the real ball game. You might as well have some fun with this. They're not gonna fire you. They're actually going to, like, love that about you. And it'll make the time being this period this season that currently you have to be in as of today, hell of a lot more fun and not as dreadful. And I think that you've experienced that.

And, you know, that reminded me of last year. So when I was in this Mastermind, we had to write these, like, letters to ourselves from a year from now where we wanted to be. And I wrote in there like, you left your job at the end of 2020. And I remember when I talked to you, I had. And this was me trying to put my hands in all these different pots, trying to make more sales in different streams and all of that. And I had a complete meltdown. And I was like, it's not going to happen. I can't make it happen by the end of the year. I don't feel comfortable enough. And I remember you telling me that was basically. You didn't say it in this way, but you're like, that was a terrible decision. You should not never have said that you would leave your job in, like, months when you weren't ready. And that's what I needed to hear because. And I know you talk about this a lot where it's just kind of like the life coach industry just Tells you like, manifest, manifest. Just keep saying it. You can make anything happen if you really want it. And that doesn't. You basically told me that doesn't work for fives. It doesn't work for a lot of people, but it really doesn't work for fives. Just to be like, I'm going to manifest this in two months and it's going to happen because I really wanted it to happen. I can wrap my head around it, but emotionally I wasn't there and I didn't have the tools at all. Like, it would have been a hot freaking mess if I had done that well.

And you would have deemed yourself not capable or equipped and you would have probably quit doing this beautiful mission that you're on with lady change makers. And yeah, that kind of like, that's a three move. Like threes. Like, give me the goal line, I'll freaking crush it. That's not how A5 operates. And it doesn't make you less successful at all. And I think like this whole blanketed kind of development personally out there is shit and it's really doing a lot more harm than good sometimes. Especially when you can't. Like, I mean, even the enneagram breaks it down into nine different types of personalities. Like, that's even pretty vague. But like, you can't tell. Like, and that won't work for me either. I'll be like, that's too. No, there's a catch there, right? And it just, it just doesn't work for everyone. And I think that you owning that. I mean, we even had a conversation this last week about a big blanketed kind of goal where when I had you break it down into chunk sizes rather than the big blanket goal that gives you an out, right? And it. And you could procrastinate and procrastinate and then you end up like two months out saying, I'm not going to hit the goal. So screw this. When I made you put that into monthly chunks, yes, it becomes more overwhelming in the present time, but then you can be more decisive in how to make that happen. And that's a better way to really put goals in front of a 5, even though it scares them a little bit. But again, like, I'm not here to just make you a great five.

Like, I'm not here for that. Like, that's awesome. But you could be a five in your sleep. You know how to be a five. The real stretch and the real growth and the real next level bullshit is when you're going into your growth number, which is Me at my best. And so, thankfully, you got the right person for that job.

And, oh, I knew it was you all along, too.

Okay, let's talk about that. Why did you think. Because I got intense energy, and for a five, that can be a little scary. So why did you think that you.

Were the only person? Even though we hadn't really known each other, you were the only person who knew me. That's. That's what I had in my head, is I have a great. I have great mentors, amazing mentors, but nobody was speaking to me in the way that was making sense. Like, I could wrap my head around it. I understood mentally what they were telling me to do, but it was not translating. And it took me several months to finally reach out to you. I thought that I had a scarcity mindset, and there's no way I could possibly work with Tracy. Like, one, I'm so beneath her, and two, like, it's going to cost so much money. Um, and when I finally wised up, and I was like, she's the only person that's going to speak to me the way I need to be spoken to, and she's going to move me. I. Even though you do have an intense energy, I love it, because I know, and I think it is what you're saying. Like, you are me and growth, and that's how I want to be. So when we first had our first call, I was just like, I don't like, this is it. We need to work together. I already sold myself on you before I even talked to you. I was like, I'm just gonna make it happen. I don't. I'm just gonna make it work.

Mm. I'm so glad you did, because, first of all, you. And I've told you this. Like, when I work with people, you guys teach me something about myself, too. And I have so many fives right now, I think, to really remind me the. Where I go in my dark places. You guys help me have more compassion for myself when I go there. So thank you for thinking I was the one that could help you, because you, in turn, have helped me a lot, too. So thank you for that. So one of the things that I love about the Enneagram is it really helps us identify the blind spots. And, you know, a lot of people beat themselves up for blind spots, but. But they're just a fact. That happens. I mean, we all drive cars, right? No matter how well we drive a car, no matter how much we follow the rules, there's still always a blind spot that we're not going to see that we have to kind of turn our head and look at. So there's no reason for us to beat ourselves up over the blind spots. But what would you say was a blind spot that you constantly have before our time together that now you notice a lot more and you're able to, like, before you kind of go off the cliff in the blind spot, you. You catch it with compassion and pivot.

Yeah, it's really when I would just try to go in several different directions. So last year, I tried to create all these different income streams where it was really I just needed to focus on one and be decisive about it. And it's really just you calling me out when I'm not being decisive is really a lot of them. And when I don't have enough confidence in showing up and talking about lady change makers. I did try to at the beginning of this year, and it wasn't just you who called me out. It was actually Lindsay, too. But I had come up with all these different avenues I was going to go down for the directory. And I never once actually talked about the directory to her on a call, and she was like, why aren't you talking about lady changemakers? I was like, oh, I don't know. I was avoiding it because I didn't want it to fail. And somehow avoiding it made it okay. And sales in general, I convinced myself that I could not do sales. Fives can't do sales. Introverts can't do sales. You called me out real quick on that one.

Actually, we're the best ones to do it. And I've had to. Girlfriend. I've had to tell the same story to myself because I. I don't want to. I mean, I was a used car salesman, but I wasn't. Right. So I get it. Let's talk about your wings for a second, because I've explained this before. Like, when it. When it comes to leaning into that decisive growth number, that eight, that's never going to feel natural for you. And sometimes we need the help of our wings. And, like, for me to go to my healthy growth number, there's no way it's happening without my wings. So. So you've got, as a five, the four or the six wing. Do you use both of them? Do you use one more than the other? Do you toggle between the two? What is the role your wings play in your life?

I think I definitely am more on the six end. Constantly trying to solve all the problems and thinking of all the possibilities of what can happen.

I think I do have a bit of a four wing where I tap into my creativity a little bit. In trying to get there, I want to tap into it more because I do want to have that emotional intelligence that you always talk about, and you can't really do it unless you can tap into both sides.

Right? And that four, ironically, which is so funny for the threes who try not to be emotional and the fives who definitely don't want to be emotional to be connected to that wing, that's the four, which is the most emotional on the Enneagram. And I've said this to you. It's like if you've ever done a DIY project, having the right tools for the job are essential for it being efficient, effective. And since fives like both those things, this is really a good thing for you guys. And your five tools, although they're amazing, aren't always the right tool for the job because sometimes, let's just be real, especially when you're selling things, people buy off emotion and an emotional connection. Right. And because you've equated that to being manipulative, you've had to really look at how you tap into the emotional part of that healthy four. But that will be your superpower when it comes to lady change makers and the whole passion behind that.

I think it's also really helped with storytelling. You really helped me tap into telling my stories, which I really struggled with because I was like, my life is so complicated. I've been in a million jobs, I've been in a million places. How am I supposed to connect the dots and actually tell a story about this? And you've helped me kind of tap. I guess that's your four, right? Where you kind of can tap into that and tell it more of an emotional story and make a connection with your audience.

And you don't have to tell the entire story all at once. You can take, like, the fours. Communication style is storytelling. That's like the art of their creativity, too, is telling a compelling story that grabs people's emotions, which, my love, that's problem solving, which otherwise known as sales. And that's the only way I had to, like, reframe it for me, for me to be on board with it, too. So I get it. Yeah. The four will end up being your superpower because, let's just be real. The five and the six in you will make sure even if you do get blindsided, you got shit planned out, you're going to be okay. But the real secret sauce and the passion behind Lady Change Makers is all rooted in that four. So let's talk about Lady Change Makers and what the effect of this work that we've been doing together has had on bringing Lady Change makers out in the open. Because you're right. You didn't talk about the directory. You didn't talk about why you wanted to even do this and why, like, having a directory for women owned businesses was so important for you.

Yeah. So I really created this directory to support women owned businesses because I myself have felt as a five, unseen and unheard. I played really quiet, really small my entire life. I've experienced some misogyny in the workplace. So I've always felt this kind of like, injustice. And I don't want want other women to feel this way. So I want to create this platform where women can feel seen and heard in their business and they can have the success that they deserve. And this directory just shines a spotlight on all of these women by creating awareness for their businesses. And I get to help tell their stories and share my stories and we can connect that way together.

My gosh, I love that. And before we started working together, rarely did you talk about it like that.

Like, it was more, I have an online directory for women owned businesses, all inclusive, please join.

Pretty much. And I kept saying to you, like, I love you and I like your energy, but I still don't know what the hell you do. And I said that it was probably about a month or two into our work together. Like, I'm like, okay, great. Like, all these stories you're telling me, when we would dig back, I'm like, this is why you have Lady Change Makers. People need to hear the heart of why you are bringing this and, you know, the experiences you've had in the workplace. There are millions of women, myself included, that have experienced that kind of shit. And when I hear your story about that, like, hell yeah, put me in your damn directory. I'm all on board for that. So I love. I can't even tell you, like, her whole posture, like, she's got this, like, I'm just gonna say it because my daughter tells me I have BDE too. And you can. You guys can look it up. Okay.

I had to think about that for a second. I was like, oh, wait, I know that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And. And I mean that in the most respectful, awesome way. It's like, no, I am here. I'm here on a mission. I am here to help people. I'm gonna smash this goal for not Just me But I'm gonna blaze the trail for everybody behind me and my love that is what you're doing. That is what you're doing. So how has this impacted the growth of lady change makers, especially the last few months? I know you set a big goal, a monthly goal. Right. And you actually came real close. Yeah.

Oh, yes. I was trying to get to 700 listings by the end of February, and we got to 673. And be careful how you manifest. Be really specific, because I actually had somebody. It was very random. A male lawyer submitted 16 bogus listings. So I would have been closer if that didn't happen. But I needed to give myself this bigger stretch goal because I was finding I was kind of relaxing a little bit and talking about it. I was trying to protect my energy, which Fives do from time to time. But I needed to kick myself in the butt to kind of promote it some more. But I have actually been making sales for the first time, and that's been really exciting.

And.

It'S been totally different on how I show up. I show up on stories now, and people thank me for sharing my story. I've kind of shared stories in the past, but I just didn't know how to connect them to the directory. And now that I know how things are all intertwined and interconnected, everything makes more sense to me. So now I can make it make sense to everybody else. So I actually get people thanking me for sharing the experiences that I've had. I shared that misogyny story in the workplace the other week, and I got some people out saying, oh, I'm so sorry this happened to you. And you know what? I don't need any kind of pity or any of that, but I just want it to be out there so other people know they're not alone in these experiences. And that this directory, that's the whole purpose of this is to even that playing field, show how powerful women can be. And we have 85% of purchasing power in this country. We need to use that power ourselves and towards ourselves.

I love what you said about telling your story, because.

That is why when we share our stories and our experiences, that is how people decide. Who can they trust to help them solve their problem or can take them on the journey. It's why you trusted me. It's like, well, yeah, she's sharing her story, and she's walking her talk, and if I'm going to go there, she's going to be the one to take me. So the more that we all tell our Stories from a place of love, service and caring for the humankind and especially for the womankind. And what you're doing.

You'Re blazing that trail, I promise.

And you know what? That just reminds me of why it was so hard for me to tell stories and how you changed it all for me is I have, especially in this self care, self love industry, they've always told you that you need to take responsibility for what's happened to you. And that held me back from telling stories because I had all this guilt from all my stories, like, oh, I asked for this to happen. Apparently I need to accept that I did something to make this happen to me. And the way you coached me through that was transformative because it's taking responsibility for your mindset and moving forward. It's not.

Little Jess didn't ask to be told to be quiet, to not speak up, to not ask questions. That, that wasn't my fault as a four year old and that wasn't my fault in the workplace. Asking for someone to treat me a certain way in the workplace and you telling me that it wasn't my fault was such a big impact on my life because there's, I mean, we've talked about a lot of experiences and just to know that it's not my fault.

No. And for everybody listening out there, that. And this was another life coach who told her this stuff, by the way, which a lot of inexperienced coaches will do that. And I get the theory behind that. But there's a huge difference between taking responsibility and taking responsibility for the belief and mindset you have around things that have happened. And you know, I don't like that. Everything happens for a reason because you've had some vile, heinous things happen in your life and so have I. And it's really hard to take responsibility for that when you're an innocent four year old. However, I believe that we have the choice and the decision to turn anything that does happen into something beautiful. And that is our responsibility.

Yes.

And you are doing that for all these beautiful women. And that's why telling your story is so powerful. Where can people find you to learn more about Lady Change Makers and just this beautiful woman that you are?

Yes, I show up mostly on Instagram, so Lady Changemakers on all the social media, but especially on Instagram. The website's ladychangemakers.com and we have different listing types. There's a free listing type for any ladies that have. I don't want there ever to be a barrier for women to gain exposure for their Businesses. So there's a free option, but the upgraded options are where it's at. And if you sign up, we'll get you in the directory and start getting you some exposure.

Yeah. In a world where you feel like everything's saturated, all my ladies out there, if you have any business, if you are a woman and you have a business, I. You guys know I don't blow smoke up anybody's ass and I tell it like it is. And I trust this woman completely. And I believe all of you need to be in her community because she is on a mission to serve you and get you the exposure that you know you deserve and that you need to grow your business and your. And your vision and calling that's on your life. Go to ladychangemakers.com right?

Yep.

All right. Why should you know? I know there's a lot of people that listen and maybe like you, they're dragging their feet for nine months even after they've met me or been exposed to me or even are just finding me for the first time. And they're like, man, that sounds really good, but it's kind of scary. Why do you think people should do the work that I do with them?

If you also think about how long that took for me to hire you, Nine months. And I'm complaining that I can't make sales, but, you know, it takes so many touches to actually sometimes commit to something. But I remember when I first scheduled a call with you, I didn't know which option was right for me. And I remember you telling me if we did the typing or we had already done the typing session, but that next one where you kind of dig into the enneagram and it wasn't your one on one. You were like, I can make an impact. I know this. You're going to get something out of this. But I know the one on one coaching is where you're really going to thrive. And I knew that right off the bat too. I think everyone needs to be typed and you need to be typed correctly. I have friends that I have been begging to get typed from you because I am actually worried that they're typed wrong and then they're going to be going down rabbit holes that they shouldn't be going down because if you don't really know and really understand your numbers and where you're at in the levels, you can be going down a dangerous road and just setting yourself up for failure.

So getting typed, first and foremost, make sure you're typed correctly. But I couldn't. I couldn't imagine doing anything else other than the one on one coaching with you.

I'm so grateful you did so with my one on one coaching. So we have the three options. We have the typing session, which I agree, if you are at all wanting to use the Enneagram for anything other than a party game, you want to do it right. And having a guide definitely will get you where you want to go. Right. Next thing is the Enneagram experience where we dive into all things Enneagram, which is awesome. Definitely could have made some headway. But the real magic happened with you because with my one on one coaching, we have daily access. And so Jess and I, since November, been Marco Poloing back and forth, which is like video chats and my goodness, some of the breakthroughs that happen in those beautiful moments. And I think I've told you to go back and watch your first few.

Yeah, I'm still afraid to do that.

I mean, she's the same powerhouse that I knew was in there from our very, very first conversation, but now I get to see it on the outside of her too.

Yeah. Those were so amazing to have those. I am so grateful that that's a part of your offering because they you really. Who knew you can make transformations through a short Marco Polo video.

That's like the real time thing. You know, I think in traditional coaching and this is the other thing, no coach is crazy enough to do that. So I'm very selective about who I'll do this with because it is a lot of time to be available 247 for somebody. But it's, it's really, you know, when we're learning new tools, unless we have somebody showing us how to use them in real time, we're going to do a lot of damage either to ourselves, our businesses, or our relationships. And I think having that phone a friend option at all times really allows you to kind of run something by you or me before, like all hell breaks loose or just slipping back into an old pattern that you know very well and then beating yourself up, like, why did I do that again? So I appreciate you so much, Jess. I am so, so, so on board for what you do. And I'm so grateful that you've trusted me this far in your journey. I told you, like, I'm in your life forever at this point now. And I can't wait to see how many millions of women's businesses you make an impact and get the exposure that they deserve, because you deserve it too.

Thank you. I think the other thing you always tell me is that you're proud of me, which also feels really weird. But I am so grateful for you. I knew you were the person for me and you're not going to get rid of me, so I'm sticking around.

It's an honor. It's an honor. And if you're listening right now and think this is something you need in your life, please reach out to me. You can find me@traceyomalley.com, the work with me section. Or if you have questions, you can hit me up on Instagram traceomally. I'm always there. And in the meantime, you know what? Keep crushing this like you're here for beautiful things and my love. Jess, I'm just so grateful for you. Thanks for showing up today.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.