133: How being Mistyped was holding back this POWERHOUSE - Client Spotlight - Julie

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up, let's go.

All right. You are in for a treat. I'm bringing you one of my all time favorite favorite one on one clients, who ironically is probably on the record books for the most mistyped person of all. And she is the proof that no matter what test you take, no matter how many times you take it, they can be inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. And I met Julie, gosh, I think it was two years ago now, which is crazy. And immediately fell in love with her. Actually, my daughter met her first. She was a makeup artist for her for an event she was going to. And my daughter's a seven and Julie had been typed as a seven. And I could see that energy of like seven energy, hardcore. But the more I got to talk to her, I'm like, I'm just not feeling that. And of course, you know, it's not my job unless I'm asked for advice on this. Like, what type do you think I am? Like, I was like, okay. And over the next few years, we got to know each other and got to know each other. And in the fall of 2020, she reached out to me. She's like, all right, I've got some blocks here. And I know, I knew when I met you that eventually this day would come where I would hire you. And I think I'm ready. And it was right around Thanksgiving. And so since then, Julie and have been working together. But before we started doing the work, I'm like, let's really narrow down on your type because I'm not buying that you're a seven. And she's like, you think? I'm like, yeah. So just to give you some perspective, I know she's taken the test a couple times. The paid ones, the ones that I recommend, and the one that I have People take it came back with a breakdown of all the different types and they categorize them by points and percentages. And the seven was at the top with one of the highest scores I've ever seen of 30. And the next one down was like a 21. So most people would look at that gap and assume, well, this must be right if there's that big of a gap. No. And the more that we dove into the motive behind everything she does and you know, we're around the same age, she's got teenagers, she's got a younger one as well. She's in her second marriage. She was a corporate VP of marketing for well over a decade. I mean, she's a boss and amazing. And the more that we dug into it and got into the history of who Julie was, we were able to come to the conclusion that she's not a seven, y'. All, she's actually a four. On the Enneagram, which is known as the individualist, the romantic and, and or the intense, creative and Enneagram Fours have the motivational need to express their uniqueness and to be authentic. They value individual them as a result. And so their feelings and self expression and purpose is super, super important to them, you know, and the enthusiast, the 7 also does not want to be trapped. Right. So I can see where a lot of times fours and sevens can be mistyped. Fours though are way more feeling where a 7 is a little more avoidant. Even though a 4 can be avoidant, it looks very different than a 7, right. And the more we dug in, I let her know that, you know what girl, you are an individualist to your core. And when we started to talk about where she goes under stress and in growth and we'll get into all that in a minute, I could feel the exhale like.

Finally, because the self talk of a 4, like the internal dialogue that they don't really share with a lot of people is like something's missing and I need to find out what's missing in my life. And that's where they can look very seven. Like, you know, bouncing from thing to thing. Sometimes the other self talk that a 4 has is I must be true to my purpose and express my authentic self. I must create beauty and meaning for myself and in the world. They're always constantly like looking for the ways that they can be just be them and serve people. I mean, she's one of the most dedicated leaders and authority figures in the entrepreneurial space. Honestly one, one of the ones I respect more than anyone and to know that this internal struggle was happening. I took it as such an honor to guide her and walk alongside her in this journey. So you guys are in for a treat as you hear us unpack. What understanding her type, her actual type meant, how she's integrated it into her business, her parenting, her relationships, her marriage, and the huge, massive growth in all those areas over the last three, four months. You guys buckle up because it's crazy when you have the right information and are willing and honest and open to integrate it, even though it's super uncomfortable. And you get triggered like a motherfucker sometimes when you're committed to growth like, like Julie is, anything's possible. And then you can use all those gifts of your type and take it next level, which is what she's done personally, professionally, emotional, spiritually, and let me tell you, financially. Hi, Julie.

Hello. As a four, I got teary eyed when you were just talking because it hit so close. I mean, you're absolutely right. I knew that I was going to work with you when I met you. I heard you speak on stage and I'm like, I know she's going to. I'm going to work with her. Like, I knew that and I knew you were exactly who I needed when I was facing some. Some blocks end of 2020. So I. What an introduction. I am just so excited to be here. And I think this is so incredibly important for your fans, for your listeners to hear because the ideogram is amazing. But not if you're not typed right.

Right.

Like it can actually be a problem if you're not typed right. And you're trying to leverage it in yourself, in your relationships and all the things. So I'm so, so glad we're having this discussion.

Why did you know you were going to work with me? Because that was two years ago.

Well, probably because not knowing at the time that I was a four. Right. I just, I very. On this empath, I have these feelings. I have these. I feel connections to people without even really speaking with people. I can feel connections with people.

You.

I felt like.

That you would get me. I definitely, I felt that like just in your speaking when you were speaking to a group, like, I was like, I feel like, I feel like she can get me. And again, I'm not realizing that I was a 7. Being seen and understood is not something I feel like I've actually ever been in my life. And you know, that alone in. I started to get teary eyed when you were, you know, mentioning the four and because here's the thing when we were talking and doing the session to figure out what actually am I.

I felt seen.

That's what I started getting teary eyed with it. Like I felt seen and understood at the deepest level than I've ever in my entire life. And listeners, I'm 40, going to be 47 this year, so it's been a long time and that's the first time I've actually been seen that way.

Oh God, now I'm gonna get teary eyed because I know, I know what that's like. And you know, we talk a lot about what it was like as kids with parents that were amazing and did their best, what weren't always what we needed at the time. And I never felt seen as well. And I also know how vulnerable that can feel and how scary that can feel and you know, when, when you're feeling seen. Although that does feel good. Did you have any kind of like vulnerability hangover after that?

Not initially, but definitely. Maybe it was like midway through us working together, you probably remember this, I was like kind of had that feeling of I don't think this is working. Like I don't know how to tap into the inner Julie. And I don't know, like I was putting up some barriers because I was struggling against it. And it's probably, probably with some of that vulnerability, you know, that not wanting to go certain places, you know, for sure. So yeah, it definitely crept up at certain times. But overall.

It was like this epiphany. It was almost like, you know when you wear sunglasses that have like smeared, you know, fingerprints all over them and you wipe them clear, like all of a sudden it was because here's the big thing for me.

I was growing a business. I had left a really high paying corporate career.

Mom of three, primary breadwinner. It was a very scary ride. I believed in myself. But as we all know as we build businesses, it's not overnight. And so to try to get up to that level in my own business that I was experiencing inside of a corporation, it took a long time and it was very messy to start. And it was really challenging in my relationships, especially with my husband.

But I worked through that and it was exciting, but I could only get so far. Okay, so. And I kind of hit this point where I was in the six figure mark within multiple six figures in my business. But I knew this is why I called you. I knew for me to get to the next level, to actually have a seven figure business, and I don't want a seven figure business to have A seven figure business. I wanted to retire my husband police officer. I have visions and goals and dreams for impact, but also for the things that we want to expand experience in life and all of the things. So I know getting to a million dollar plus business is going to help me be able to do all those things for my family and my clients. But I was stuck. I couldn't. And I didn't know what it was. I just knew that it was internal work. And I kept hearing people say, right, like, well, you know, you can't be the person you are right now and expect different results. You need to make those changes. And I did a lot of that myself. But I knew to get to that next level, I had to bust through some internal things and stories and.

Obviously the limiting beliefs, quote unquote, that everyone talks about, but they're really true and they're really the things that can hold you back. And that is why I reached out to you. Because I had big plans, big goals, and I knew I wasn't going to do it by myself. And I believed in the Enneagram. But I think I knew in my heart.

I wasn't typed right. I didn't. You know, as I started to dig in and look and understand a little bit more about the 7, I could see myself definitely in places of it. But here's the thing. I could see where I was and I even could see on some of the dark side of seven. I could see some of those elements for me, because I definitely, you know, could go to like alcohol and different things and like, I could see some of it. So it was making sense, but it wasn't enough to be able to drive any change. And that's the whole point of, like being able to use the Enneagram, right, is so you can get to that compassion and understanding and drive some change. I couldn't get there because that wasn't what I was. So that's why I called you. And it was one of the best things I've ever done.

I love that you say that because, I mean, for all my Enneagram fans out there, if you want to actually use this powerhouse tool, then you must have the right information. You must. And I was mistyped too, in the very, very beginning. And I've even tried to be like a three because I was mistyped as a three. Everybody wants to be a three because they just get shit done. And I've tried to be three motivated. And it is painful and I sabotage when I try to be that because I'm not That. And so for all of you that want to actually use this, and I highly recommend it, because not only for your own emotional intelligence, which is the greatest predictor of. For yourself, for anybody that you make an impact on in your home, in your business is so powerful, like what Julie said, and I wasn't even working with her at the time. She felt seen, heard and understood from somebody she didn't know very well. Can you imagine if you are a leader, a coach, a parent, and you have that impact on somebody within minutes? Like, do you know the power and the credibility and trust that gets built with that? But you have to have the right information.

Very hard to be objective with ourself. Especially like you and I have had. We've had some trauma in our life, and let's call it what it is, we got some wisdom under our belt with our ages, you know, we have a lot more shit to unpack. And I could see very quickly, and it happened really fast, like within a month and a half. Girl.

The changes that you were able.

To move through, just the typing session alone, I know, was game changing. Okay. I mean, I can still, like, it's so funny, since that time, I've actually moved into a new office that we built and everything. And I can still picture where I was at. I was sitting in my little corner of my bedroom. That was my office at the time. And I can still, like, it was a Saturday and, you know, being a mom of three and trying to, like, suction off. Okay, well, I'm not going to be a mom right now. I'm going to sit with Tracy and we're going to figure this out. I don't know what I am or whatever. And you went through your process, you know, you went through your process. And I can remember you were asking me a lot of questions that I was like, I wonder how. Yeah, I wonder, you know, because again, I don't know your process, what you did, how you teased out from me, like, my past, past experiences, things that lit me up, things that didn't, like, just the way that you did it.

And then on the spot, I mean, this is where you are, like, massively talented, my friend. The fact that you were able, you knew, like after you started to dig and dig and then you knew. And here's what was so powerful. So when you started to tell me what a 4 was and that you even. You even knew which subtype of a four I was, and I'm a four. Wing three. Four. I definitely wing three for sure. That's how I Got done all the things I've ever gotten done.

Right.

For the most part. Right. Because if I just did it on how I felt, we would never get here. Right. But you just. I'm listening to you and I'm like, oh, my God, she is talking about me. And you were literally talking about the four. And it hit me so hardcore. And then of course, from there, I, like, consumed. I was like, I think you even said, like, don't. Maybe I winged five on that one. I was like, go down the rabbit hole. I just. I wanted to learn as much as I could now about the Four and anything I read. I went back and listened to your podcast where anywhere you talked about, you know, the Four or you talked about the Four in a different angle. I listened in and it was hitting the nail on the head so hardcore that that's what was able to kind of create that catalyst for change, because I was understanding myself better than I've ever understood myself before. And how. How can you get to where you're trying to go if you don't have the GPS coordinates? You cannot. And this helped me to be able to really understand. Like, you talk about, oh, you work with a coach to find your blind spots and. But, like, this allowed me to, like, really be able to see. Like, oh, my God, this is why. Oh, this is why this. Or, oh, I get this. And I know we're going to unpack a little bit more when we talk about even then, my rel. Relationships as a mom, as a wife. But it just opened this whole other door of understanding and path. A path to be able to go where I was really trying to go. But I. That door was never open. I could never get there. It was amazing. I'm still. I'm still in shock of. Because I. That I remember that feeling so vividly of like, oh, my gosh. Through your series of questions, you uncovered exactly who I am.

What motivates me, what derails me. Like, it was the most amazing film. When you're seen and heard, it's one of the most amazing feelings ever.

You just fill me up too, you know, I appreciate everything you're saying about how much I've helped you and all that, and you had to do the work and you had to be willing. But I've told you this before. Like, what I get from you is, like light years to what you. You say I've ever done for you. I just want you to know that. And that's.

That's a negative. But okay, that's.

That's the fucking truth. So just take it. Take it. You know, I don't sugarcoat shit, so.

No, you don't.

I love what you said about blind spots. And a lot of times in our past or when we're, you know, uncovering these limiting beliefs and for all of you out there, these I am statements ain't gonna fucking do it. Just so you know, you're trying to manipulate yourself into believing something. But it isn't until we really uncover where the blind spots are with compassion and love, that the real change can happen. And I want you to know that no matter how much work you do, each of us based on our type, will have a blind spot that's always there. And it's just like, if you ever drive a car, I don't care how nice a car you got. I mean, I have a really nice truck and it's got special mirrors on it where it allows you to see the blind spot. But I still don't always trust it. I don't trust it. And I always have to take a look into the blind spot. And I want you to know that when you're doing your work and when you know your type, each type has a blind spot. And when you understand where it comes from and why, with love and compassion, that's where the big shifts happen. And one of the things that was a big aha moment for you and me with you, and it was funny because I get this all the time with fours. And I mean, I've talked to you about, you know, the relationships of. With fours in my life and where this is a thing, you know, the lack of desire for structure and the rebellion and almost brattiness that can kind of happen when it comes to structure. And when I've talked to fours, the ones that love, the ones that I lead, it's like, listen, I don't want you to structure the fuck out of yourself. But a 4 in growth goes to the healthy one, right? Where they're very rigid, a little bit more, very structured, more black and white thinking, which when I talk to fours, I'm like, listen, it's not going to rob you of your authenticity, your creativity, your ability to pivot and change, I promise you. But pick maybe two or three things in your life that must require structure and it will actually allow these gifts that you do have to not feel all fucking over the place. And I said, pick two things. I said, one of them has to be your health. One must be your health. And I remember that look on your face when we said that. And I was like, I promise it's not going to rob you of your gifts. And because you were committed to growth when you found out. And this is the other thing about Enneagram. It's not just good enough to know your type. That's great. But quite honestly, Julie could be a four in her sleep. She knows the four tools all day long. Where the next level shit comes is in the growth number. And so when I told her her growth number is a one, which is like the opposite of the four, that doesn't feel good. Growth never feels great when it's happening. But the more you use that muscle, the easier it does get. So I remember when I told you you needed a tiny, tiny tin of structure, and this will actually help you achieve everything that you want and your gifts to come out. And I said one of them needed to be your health. What was your first thought? Well, I mean, it was an issue for you.

It's a total issue for me. I think one of the things I told you from the very start is I go to the three, and what I do is I make the best plans. I outline exactly what I'm going to do. And actually, I'm really good at designing the structure. And I'll put the structure all together and make it whatever. And then I rebel. This has been my MO always. I will rebel against the structure that I've put for myself. Because I don't want to be put in a box. I don't want to have to do it. I don't feel like doing it. Right to the bratty point. Right. Like, I don't feel like doing it. And the health thing, it was funny because I knew in my heart what the domino was there. Like, the first domino that needed to fall. And I could blame Covid, but it was deeper than that. It was like just something in, you know, I love my husband. We've been together now for, like, 11, 12 years or whatever. But when I met him, you know, like, drinking just was like, I don't know, it just became more and more normal. I barely drank in my 20s. That's the funniest thing. And very social. We were always going out with people. He's a super social person. We're always out Friday nights, Saturday nights, was always drinking. And then it became like. Like, especially with COVID too, it was even worse. It was like every single night wine, every single night wine, every single night, every single night wine. That's when we would argue. That's when things would come up. Like, I wasn't my Best person. I would wake up in the morning, I would feel icky, my anxiety would be high. So I knew that one of the first dominoes and setting structure around my health was actually going to be letting go of alcohol. And that was a big huge move for some people. That might not sound like that big. It was a big, huge move for me. Oh, I get it. Oh, you got it. It was. So now it's what's today? I mean it's been like 65 or whatever days. 65. Actually 65 days since I've had any alcohol. Like not even a drop of alcohol. And I feel amazing. And instead of looking at that. So do you think, you know how many times I've tried to do 30 days, no alcohol, I'm only going to drink on the weekends, I'm only going to do this. But rebel against the structure. That's my M.O. and so it wouldn't work. And this time, because what I've learned from you, whether it's structure on anything or just anything that I'm working on with myself, is about leading with compassion instead of beating myself up. I would say that's one, that's. There's so many AHAs and things that happened over the course of these last few months, but that one was huge for me. I go to beating myself up my entire life. If I didn't do it right, if it wasn't perfect, if I, you know, if I said I was going to do something and then I didn't do what I said I was going to do and the structure and all that, I would beat myself up all the time. Those were the words I would use. That's what I was talking to myself in my head around and when you showed me like, oh my, you have to have compassion for yourself. Would you say these things to little Julie back in the day? Would you say this to the four year old, five year old version of yourself? Would you say this to your son who at the time was six? Like no. And so when I started to lead with compassion and I made the decision, decision around choosing not to have alcohol, not saying I can't have alcohol, choosing not to have alcohol out of compassion and creating more structure around my health and having that be the first domino, everything changed. Like I had, it's, it's, it's. I can't even explain all the ripple effect of that one domino that I had to knock down.

I have frickin goosebumps all over because I know what the domino effect was and I know that you listening Right now you're like, this is all great, but like, show me the numbers, show me the money. And I don't just mean monetarily, but that is huge. And we'll touch on that. But as a mom of teenagers and a seven year old in her second marriage with an eight. Intense Copy. Yeah. What has been the compound effect? First, giving yourself a little bit of structure and understanding that that is for your growth, not a punishment. Right. With compassion. Okay, so let's touch first on the marriage with Joe. What does that. How has that changed? Because a four and an eight, which I know very, very well, I'm an eight and I'm like, you know, I got a four in my life, and I know that it can be very passionate in a good way, very fiery and intense, but it can also be like fucking fireworks. And not the best way.

Yes. Think about adding alcohol to a fire.

Kerosene.

We all know what happens when you add alcohol to a fire. So, you know, and I should have had my first glimpse of this when I was pregnant with my son Cason, who's now turning seven. You know, of course, I wasn't drinking at all in that year. And we had, like, probably our most calm year of no, like, no crazy, crazy, crazy arguments. That should have been a sign right there. But so you're right. It's fascinating because of course, once you and I were working together and I started to understand really, like, what type I was and understanding myself better and having compassion for myself, of course, opened me to go. I mean, I think that was one of the first things I started asking, well, I need to figure out what my husband is. I need to figure out what my kids are. You're like, okay, all right, you know, like, let's slow your roll, lady. Slow your roll. Like, we will get there. But of course, I can't help it. You know, when you got a three wing and a five wing, like, you're like, you know, you're in research. You're, you know, you're getting shit done.

And researching it all the time.

Exactly, exactly. That's exactly what's going on. And then I'm feeling all the feels in between. That's hysterical. Right? So I, I started to just do a lot more reading and research and I was listening to you and all of the things, and I.

Think one of the first things I said too is I'm like, so out of all of the types, which one has the least amount of empathy?

Like, you're totally. You're like, well, that would probably be an eight. And I'm like, I swear my husband's an eight. And when I really started to understand, like, yeah, I mean, it is like, I should have you do a typing session with him just to be 100% sure. But, I mean, I'm like 99.9% sure that he is an 8. And as I started to really do just take a step back and look at the dynamics between the two, a four and an eight, and I started to talk to you a little bit more about it. And, you know, just, I'm going to tell everybody listening, I am not perfect at this. We still fight. There's still, like, all that stuff happens. But my awareness of understanding, of trying to lead with that compassion and knowing that, like, he's got that hard shell, but then the softness inside and, like, not letting that hard shell, like, keep us apart from each other. Especially when you're. When you're four, who wants, like, oh, my gosh, you want love. It's crazy. So, like, my needs versus what an 8 can give. I mean, it can be very challenging. And I think just being able to understand it better allowed me to have more compassion towards him. It is a work in progress, let me tell you. Like, we have. We have the, like, it's up and down. And I was just sharing with you before we recorded that he just went through a major life change, which is 23 years of identifying as a police officer. Thankfully, because my career has. My business has taken off the way it has, he's been able to retire and do kind of his next thing. And, you know, I was kind of going through some things too with my business and thinking of things. And so we had kind of a rough week last week. And it's funny, when I think back to it, it's. Well, I mean, if I just had taken a step back, like, really just taken a step back and realized that, you know, that's a major life change. He's going through some identity stuff. Being an eight, he is not going to talk about his feelings, so he's going to act out a bit because he can't. He's not going to articulate it. And had. I really like. But now looking back, I can. Like, I actually like when he gets home from work. Like, I'm like, oh, I got to give him a hug because, like, I know that's what he was dealing with last week and he. He wasn't letting it come through. And this week he's in an awesome mood because he started a new job and he's really loving it. And he's feeling good and appreciated in his work there, and so he's feeling good. So I think what excites me about having the Enneagram tool, understanding, knowing my type, knowing his type, is that I feel like I have a. Not tool's the wrong word. But I feel like I have a methodology and an approach that I would always say there's no way I'm going. I mean, no offense to any marriage counselors, but I just felt like I don't think they're going to help us. I don't think they can help us. I don't think they can help us. And I just knew that, but I didn't know why. I knew that, but I knew it and now I know why. It's because you've got to be able to get underneath these like the who we are at the core to be able to make that kind of progress. So it's a work in progress. But what I can tell you is that being able to have this ability to lead with compassion and understanding and become more of a student of his type, it's really fascinating because I can be better.

It is. When I think about what my relationships would have looked like. First of all, there's a few I probably would have never been in. But how I navigate them now, if I did not have this information, I would have blown up some shit even with sobriety, like, seriously, like you said. But the other thing is, is so important that you could not give the compassion to Joe unless and only unless you were giving it to yourself first. You can't give what you don't have. And so I love that. And it doesn't mean there's not hard things that can happen. Because when that eight goes into that private investigator shutting down mode, it feels really fucking personal. Especially to a four who fears abandonment and feels everything. So I get that and I love.

You've helped me deal with my fours, let me tell you. So I appreciate you now. You also have some very strong willed, amazing children. Two of them in their teens and a seven year old. And there's a lot of schools of thoughts on the Enneagram and kids. It's not like you're sitting there typing your kids and telling them their types. I just want to say that I believe it's one of the most powerful parenting tools ever. No matter how kids you are, how old your kids are. And I know there's. You can do all the research you want. And there are people who say it's irresponsible and bullshit. But sorry, I've used it since my kids were early teens, so whatever. And you are using it in communicating with your kids. Like I said, you're not going saying, hey, Caroline, you're this and Jack, you're this and you're not doing that, but you're like, okay, this is kind of where I think they land. And I'm going to communicate with them as though they are. And guess what? When your kids feel seen, heard and understood with compassion, love, and not judgment from their parent, tell them what happens.

Oh my God, I have tears in my eyes thinking like just of both sides of it. Okay, so Jack, we'll start with Caroline. Because Caroline was just so much more clear cut. Like, so clear cut. So it's funny because I, as you said, I was married prior and they are so similar. So I was married to a one, which you can imagine when you're not a healthy four with a one. Like, it was rough stuff because I was like, don't put me in a box and don't, you know, like a totally rebel. I was rebelling all the time. But she is a one. And you know, I've always had a ton of compassion for her.

Not knowing why, but like, I've always had so much compassion. And I know how she can. Wants everything a certain way and everything organized and black and white and da, da, da, da. And. But she puts so much pressure on herself. And I thank God, thank God that I've always had that compassion for her. Like, seriously, thank God because not me knowing that that was actually one of the most important things I could have done as a mom for her, especially.

To a woman one.

Oh my God. Like, thank God.

Yeah.

Now it's. We've always had a great relationship, but it's gone to another level because I get her now in a way. Like when you were telling me and learning from you that the inside voice of a one.

And the way they beat themselves up and all the things in that perfectionism and everything like, and that healthy. They go to seven, right? It's a seven to fun. Right? They want fun. They crave fun. And so.

And they can think outside the box.

Like visionary loves fun. And she does. She, like she has this group of friends she feels so comfortable with and so she has so much fun with them. And. But she feels so comfortable with me. Yeah. And she feels so comfortable with me that she can. Because she's so comfortable with me. And I'm a four. Like, I could easily take that very personally. I don't I really try to take anything personally with her and. And so she would like be upset about something and so whatever. And she wanted to. She wasn't very nice to me. I remember I was telling you this story. She wasn't very nice to me about something, whatever, but I led with comp. Compassion. And then she wanted to like, go out with friends. My friends are going to this and I want to go do this. And my 8 husband is like, you're going to let her talk to you like that and then also be allowed to go out with her friends. And I'm like, yes, she needs to go do that right now. She needs to go have fun. And she acted. She actually hurt growth and she lashed out to me because of whatever. It doesn't matter what it was. The point was that I knew what she needed. And guess what? When she came home and was clear and she said, mommy, I'm so, I'm sorry, you know, so with her, I already had such a great relationship, but it took it to a level of me being able to really understand what she needs and to give her even more compassion knowing what she's going through. My son Jack, on the other hand. Oh, I love this boy. And I almost could cry because I wish I had known these things back when he was little. Um, because he's. I went back and forth with you on this. I said, I. He's an 8 or a 4. He has a lot of anger. So I'm thinking He's an 8. But then there was so much that made me think he was a four. He's a four hands down, no question. Definitely a four. And me being able to understand him better.

I mean, look, my compassion level, because I did. I did not used to have a lot of compassion with Jack. I would go to anger and we would headbutt and it would get out the boxing gloves. Boxing gloves and fiery and like, he was so stubborn and wouldn't listen. Things, huh? Rebellious, right? How funny. Because I was trying to put structure around him. All the things.

All the things I didn't want. Right. It was unbelievable. I mean, you know, my love for him has just deepened and grown and my compassion for him. And I will tell you that my mama bear now around both of them is so much stronger because I know what I am protecting specifically, if that makes sense. Because I know them each better now because I understand their types better. And I've always said they could not be more different from each other. They were so wildly different. They were wildly different kids. They're wildly different teenagers, they're going to go after wildly different things in their life. And now I feel like I understand it better. And I've always parented them a little different, too, as a result. And now it's like, oh, I just feel like I got kind of like the keys to understand how to drive them. Like, you know, it's like I got the right key to the right car, you know, and I'm like, oh, this makes so much. And I have no clue on my little guy. I don't know yet. He's savvy, just turned seven. But just having that awareness now to observe and to see who he is and how, you know, how he exhibits certain things and where he goes and stress versus, you know, play. It's like, I just feel like I'm gonna be even better, you know, earlier on with him, you know, so it's just been so powerful, so powerful with my kiddos and.

Yeah, yeah. And the communication, when. I mean, you and I have talked at length about this. Can you even imagine as teenagers, if we felt, seen, heard, and understood by her parents, how different this would look? And, you know, know, we're not focused on like, oh, I wish, but, you know, we can break the cycle with our own kids, which is what you've done and what I've done. And it is life changing.

Well, you know, too, Tracy, I was just going to say so, you know, with my situation, you know, so I've got their dad, like, the older kid's dad, who I'm very close with. We have a, you know, a very good relationship. He lives right down the street. And then I have, you know, my husband, the two of them. And I love them both in different, obviously different ways. They have not either one of them done any personal development, like, I mean, any. And again.

Right.

Not our job. Everyone's on their own path. But what has happened for me with my children because of that dynamic and because, like, both of them, like, you have a one and an eight.

Ex husband and stepdad, like dad and stepdad. A one and an eight. Okay? That's what those kids have. Those. The kids have a one and an eight who have zero. Like, it seems like zero empathy with things sometimes, right?

No, they're tough. They're both tough. They're both tough, rigid and rules and.

Exactly. And, well, black and white. Well, no, it's this way and whatever. And then. You got me, right? As a four mom and just being able to have that understanding, I find myself kind of being their advocate. My kids advocate to their dad and stepdad in a way that I.

That doesn't enable them.

That doesn't enable them. But really I've always tried to do that, but I didn't have the keys to do it well. But now that I understand what I'm protecting and I understand what the two kids need in a very different way, now that I understand their types better and I'm still learning, I'm still a student here of the Enneagram, but, but like I can advocate for them with their own family in a way. Right. Like, which is pretty powerful. Like, that's a really powerful tool.

It's huge. It's everything. Whether you're talking to their dads or to them on how to communicate with their dads.

Exactly.

You know, I don't, I don't really have a relationship with my ex.

Other than. And I'm grateful he's a great person and he loves his kids. But how I do use this with my kids and communicating with their dad who is a seven, I'm like, okay, I know this feels really personal. This is what's happening. And because my daughter's a 7, she kind of gets it more than my son who takes things a little more personal. But the acceptance they have of their dad, which once you are accepting and meeting people where they at, who has done no personal development as well, the compassion, obviously that builds a stronger relationship. And you know what? Because they feel like dad is. They can communicate with their dad, ironically, dad's stepping up to the plate a little bit more in a way that they would like. So that's all I, that's all I care about. Like, seriously, that's amazing. Okay, now I got a lot of people in business and come to me for business strategy, which we've talked a lot about that too. Like I'm, you know, yes, I do help with this. But the compound effect in all areas of your life when you do this work. You've heard just a few parts of her life. Now we're going to talk into the real juicy parts because, you know, she, she had left a big, huge chunk of corporate income. Huge. She also was making some money, good money, but not like that life changing fu retire the husband kind of money that she wants, wanted. And also she's married to an eight who was very supportive of her leaving corporate. But I've said this about eights before. Like we will be your greatest supporter as long as we see the energy matching what you're saying. And I like to say we're like the, the linebacker.

That Protect or the. The offensive line that protects the quarterback. But if I got a lazy quarterback, I'm gonna be like, go ahead and sack his ass. Go ahead. But if I believe in you, like, Julie is like the Tom Brady, and her husband was like, all right, I got you, but let's put the money where your mouth is here. And I know that that was a lot of pressure on you, and that's where a lot of the beating yourself up came. And so when we started working together, you had some huge goals for your business. So, yeah, about a month and a half in is when you were going to launch something huge. So let's talk business. And what this has done for not just financially, but your leadership skills.

Totally. I mean, you know, again, it's. I feel like there's these things you hear all the time in entrepreneurship, and they. You get it, but you don't. Right. So limiting beliefs, self sabotage. Blah.

Imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome. Right? Yeah, they're all 100%. But if you don't know truly what's causing the things, you cannot get over them. And what was holding me back. And when we first started working together and then I started doing that inner work, what became really, really clear is that I was not doing this for me.

I felt this massive pressure to provide for my family, because that's what I was doing. You know, my husband had a crush. Incredible job as sergeant, a police department. But you're not paid what you're paid as a vice president.

Definitely not paid what you're worth.

Definitely not paid what you're worth or for your risk. But, like, you know, I mean, I was at a Fortune 500 and Vice President of marketing, I was making, like, almost a half a million dollars, you know, a year. And yes, he was super supportive of me leaving. But, hey, like, this building of businesses, especially your own business, I mean, my God, it's. It was messy. There were ups and downs. I was working on my. Bolstering my own belief in myself that I could do it, to then be having and be like, so do you think you should go back to corporate? Like, don't you think you should get a job now? But it was like, it was extremely deflating, especially because I hadn't done some of this inner work. And so I felt this pressure, like, whether it's the house, vacations, the life that we wanted to have. And so what was happening was I was doing it. I loved what I was doing and what I was building, but my reasons and the pressure that I was putting on myself was actually what was self sabotaging me because I was trying to do it for everyone else, for my kids, for especially my husband and all the things. And when I finally, like, was not finally. I mean, it was a process, but, like, for me to be able to say, like, no, like, no, I. This is. Let's. Let's go back to Julie. Like, you're. The first time, like, working with you has been the first time that I really got to see me. And what did I want and why did I want it? And what did success look like for me? Like, not for what I was trying to do for everybody else.

One, it was, like, so freeing. And it actually changed the game with my husband from that perspective, too, because I showed up differently in our discussions around money. I showed up in our discussions about my expectation, too, of what he was going to contribute. This is not all on me.

Right.

Exactly. But I felt this pressure to retire him and all these things. And so it actually really helped our marriage from that perspective, too, too, that I really kind of shed that weight. It was weight. It was literally holding me down. Like, think of a helium balloon and you have a weight that's holding the helium balloon down. That's what was holding me down, my business, what I had to offer. I mean, it was ready to soar like the helium balloon into the wind. But I'm telling you, that weight was holding me back heavy. And when we really started to work through that, and I was like, no, like, I'm doing this for this reason. And I started to get really aware of it, and, you know, I took the pressure off of myself that this was all on me was when that helium balloon got to go up and I went into this next launch. Like, because I remember I had launched in September, and it was a very, very successful launch monetarily in September as well. But I felt it was heavy. There was a lot of heaviness all around. A heaviness to it. Right. Because I'm like, okay, well, I got to do it again. And I got to do it again. It was all this pressure. And I went into. I remember I was about to launch and I had a session with you, and, you know, we were kind of talking it all through and what I was doing and all the things I felt really good. And I just. I was able to show up in that light way and serve and. And not be outcome attached. I mean, of course I was, but I went and bought it a different way.

Yeah, but it wasn't the leader.

Yes, exactly. It wasn't like, grasping like, I have. It has to be this or, you know, my worth. Right. It was almost like my worth was tied to the results. It was. I was totally tying them together, and I was able to let that go in such a huge way. And in fact, I was so focused on the women that I. I wanted about my goal was about 40 women. So I really wasn't even putting a. I wasn't even putting money around it. Okay. I wasn't putting money around it. I wasn't saying it had to be this much. I was, I want 40 women.

So I made 40.

40. So I made 40 boxes on a piece of paper. And I said, that's my focus on making the space for them. And I just kind of let go of, like, that pressure, but I had to do the work, right? You can't just. I'm gonna let go of the pressure now. Like, it was because we did that work of, like, this is not on me. Like, look at little Julie. Like, little Julie does not have the weight of the world on her shoulders to provide for every other person. Like, we're not doing that. She did her whole freaking. My whole life.

Whole other thing, right? It's like I'm letting that go. And so here's what the coolest thing that happened. The energy was off the hook. I launched into my Facebook group. We. We rocked it. It was so fun. I had to get out another piece of paper because 45 women ended up joining my program. We had a just shy of a quarter million dollar launch.

Huge, y'.

All.

And not only that, you also said that your passive income stream doubled.

Yep.

Yeah.

Well, yes, because again, the way I've structured my program, it's. We able to have it be on a monthly. Monthly payment approach. So I doubled. We doubled our monthly income. Doubled it through that launch. That's huge. It's huge. And.

It was so light. It felt so good. And here's the funny thing. New level, new devil I was sharing with you recently. I'm like, okay. I kind of started to spin again in a couple of things. And it's funny. Again.

Knowing myself and feeling like I got to make choices in my business because of how I wanted to grow my business versus the pressure to achieve a certain amount for my worthiness. That is a massive shift.

Huge.

It's huge. That pressure off of my back is, like, crazy.

Well. And I know there's a lot of people listening that have launched things, and we're in this space. I know what it's like. I know the Energetic output. And I also know the energetic hangover that comes with that. That if you are doing it from wrong places or the pressure or. And you're not in your natural gifts, you actually came out of that more energized and more creative, which is the gift of the four, that creativity and that. That heart to serve and, and how can I make this better? And all the things. Because the gifts of the four are, you know, you're the most emotional, intuitive on the enneagram. And when you're in a positive, positive space, guess what? That four, all this intuitive, creative energy can come to the surface. Very purpose driven. How can I serve and impact these people at a higher level? They're super inspired. Like once they do something great, it's like, great. How can we do it better? Like, because she is doing the work and understanding the motive behind this. This is where the gifts can come out to play. Super sensitive. Like being sensitive and compassionate is actually really required in balance business, really, because that's when people feel seen, heard and understood. And the other gift of the four, my love, and probably my favorite one about you is the courage, the courageous energy that you guys, like, you inspire the out of me. Like, and I gotta. You know what, it's so funny that this came up because, you know, I'm in a weird position in my life where I'm about to do some things that really scare me. And I think about the four in my life and the courage that that person is taking to do something and the work ethic and the grit and the.

I don't naturally have that. And I just want you to know, you and all the other fours that really work hard at this, inspire the shit out of me with your courage. And it takes a lot to impress this eight. I know you get that, but I just want you to know like the impact you're making not just within your groups and the people that, that, that you lead and love, but the people that love you. I want you to know how you inspire me too.

Oh, thank you so much for saying that. And it's so funny as you're saying it, because when I look at you, I mean, you're a very like, well developed 8 because of all the work you've done. Because My husband's an 8. I, you know, when you speak, I do like, know that there's a part of, of sometimes I hear you. And I know that inside of Joe, he's thinking and the same thing, he can't articulate it in the same way. So I really you know, the courage piece. Because, you know, he wants to do certain things, and he's got these ideas, but then he won't take that leap. And I think, what's funny, Think about it, like, when we don't have compassion and we don't truly understand who someone is, that can frustrate you. So in the past, I can be like, well, just do it.

You would have been judgy.

Judgy, Totally judgy. Like, we'll just do it. Like, what's wrong with you? Just do it. What the heck? Like, what's the worst thing that can happen? Just do it.

In Joe's mind, he's like, I'm going to be violated or betrayed. That's what he's thinking.

Yes. And it's so. Just knowing that. It's like you come at things so differently, you know? So I just. I just. I love when you talk. I do know that, like, there's, like, it's part two, like, also what's in Joe, too. And I just thought it was. I love that. It makes me smile even more.

Yeah. Ten years ago, you would not have liked me at all. So there's that.

You always did. And I.

It's true. Like, shit. If. If any eight can turn around, if I can do it, anybody can do it.

And, well, you know what he always says to me?

What?

No matter what, in 12 years, without fail, he says to me all the time, you are the best thing that's ever happened in my life. And I. I know that now, what that means in a different way.

Yeah, it's true.

Because I do think I've helped him with him without feeling like I'm doing that.

You don't even know the power and the gifts of a four, what it can do for an eight. Let me tell you. Because we're the two most misunderstood on the Enneagram. We're the most.

We're both kind of too much for a lot of people, whether it's the emotional capacity or the intense capacity that Joe has and I think have. But we're the most sensitive also on the Enneagram. And you do see him and your courage to go after, like, you show me that. Oh, my gosh, look at her. And she's not being betrayed or violated. And it's going to be okay. And I just want you to know that you're doing that for your husband, whether you know it or not. It's natural for you. It's not for him and I. And so just know that those gifts are priceless. Beyond measure. And it. You don't have to pay for it or do anything to give it to us, but you do, just by showing up at your very best. And that's why a lot of times, and I'm not, you know, ripping counseling or therapy, it does serve its purpose and time, but you just showing up differently, without judgment and without, you know, shoulding all over Joe, he's going to step up, as you're seeing naturally, because he loves you, he loves himself more because you loving yourself more. And it's going to the compound effect in your home. And his confidence and his courage will definitely come out, let me tell you.

Well, I have to say one other thing too. And I wrote this out. Actually, you guys can't see it, but I framed something that has become.

So pivotal for me and a reminder of this work that we're doing together. Because as a four, now that I know it, I. Because I've rebelled and I didn't want structure. It's because I want to live. Live life feeling amazing. Like I want to feel, feel, feel, and I want it to be great all the time. And this, like, I don't want it to be ordinary and I don't want to, like, have it be mundane and all these things. And so I've always rebelled against things that, you know, I don't really want to do. And when I was doing the Enneagram, like just reading and learning and all this, I saw something about a four and I hit me so hard that I actually like made a picture of it, which is I used to live life based on how I feel. So if I didn't want to work out, I didn't work out. If I didn't feel like doing this, I didn't do it. Even if it was good things. The new motto is I want to live life to feel great.

So to your point of when you said, like, put some structure in, it's out of love and it's out of you wanting to get to where you want to go. And I want a life that feels awesome, but life's not going to feel awesome all the time with all the things that you do. So just this one piece that I stick, it sticks with me all the time. Knowing now who I am so much better is that I can't just do what I feel like doing and have what I want in life. I can't just go off my feelings. And that was huge, huge for me. I mean, and you really helped me to be able to see that and to still have to Sometimes do the things that I don't really want to do out of love and compassion. Huge.

Oh, you know, you've already kind of explained to those listening right now why they should kind of do some work with me. And I know there's a lot of people that are kind of afraid. They. They're jiving with this, but they're like, that's kind of scary. But they also want all the things, right? So what would you say to the person listening that maybe like you said, at the very least, do a typing session. Right. What would you say to the person that might be afraid, but they also know that they're here for something much more than they're showing up in the world with.

With. Yeah. So definitely the typing session. Like, I can't even like reiterate that enough because every time I mentioned the Enneagram to anybody, I'll get. A couple of things will happen. Some will be like, oh my gosh. You're like, I'm a seven wing three. I'm like, well, that's not possible. So you're not.

Right?

So you're not. So you need to like go and get help. And then I always tell people now, I'm like, you know that like 60 to 70% of the time, even the paid tests aren't right. I'm a walking example, you know, I can't. I couldn't use the tool without knowledge. So hands down, no brainer. You get the typing session to know because you can't do the work if you don't know it. But here's the other thing. Especially if you're building a business too, I can say it from this angle because for some reason we get exposed to personal development and all the things when you decide to either go into network marketing or you're going to do your own business or whatever. I'm like, what about the rest of the world? The rest of us to learn about this stuff too? So you hear all the things you can't get here doing the same things you can't. You know, you got to change who you're being. You got to work through the limiting beliefs. You got to figure out your blocks, blah, blah, blah, like it's. These are all. They're true.

100%. But I have not found a way.

To really understand.

What those mean because I've been looking at, well, what are my limiting beliefs and what's blocking me? Like, I've been looking at that for four years. It wasn't until I worked with you.

And really understood who I Am and where my blind spots are and what is actually my limiting beliefs and my blocks and the thing and all of those things that I could even make that big forward leap. Like, again, the helium balloon, letting go of the weight. Right. Because that's what it felt like. I just. I didn't know. And so I know there's so many those of you listening that are like, yeah.

You know, you learned. You have the information of what you need to do to go to the next level.

And you've heard you got to do the work. Right. That's the other one. Right. You gotta do the work. Well, what the heck does that mean?

What the hell is the work?

I kept saying that, like, what's the work? I feel like I'm doing the work. I don't get it. And it wasn't until I felt seen and understood at the deepest level.

There's nothing like that. Is it scary? Yes. Did I resist some of it? Yes. Like, in the very beginning, I'm like, I'm not giving up alcohol. I'm not giving up my wine. I like my wine. I'm not giving up my wine. Right. Like, different things I got. Yes, it's hard, but it's so important to look under the COVID deeper and understand it. Because you cannot make progress with yourself and definitely not with anyone else until you've done that understanding of who you are and where your blind spots are and how you can be healthy. Like, that whole idea of moving to the healthier version of you was too ethereal. It wasn't like, how do you do that? Well, you know what? If you know your type of and you understand the enneagram and you know what health is for you. Oh, my gosh. The path is so much easier.

You have the roadmap.

Yeah, the roadmap. I mean, it's game changing.

Oh, my gosh, you guys. Julie is one of the very few people that I actually, for business, send people to, whether it's listening to her podcast, which is amazing, joining her programs. She's one of maybe three. Three, quite honestly, that I would actually say this is who you need. I've sent a lot of people to listen to your podcast. Like, you need to follow her. You need to follow her and listen to her. Where can they find you and learn more about you?

Yes. Okay, so definitely the podcast Ignite Hustle podcast. I love to help give tips and tricks, especially for those that are really starting their businesses and trying to grow their businesses, have big dreams. Maybe you want to leave that day job. Let me Tell you, that was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. Definitely, definitely check out the podcast. And then I love hanging out on Instagram, and I love to connect individually with people. So if you, like, if this resonated with you or maybe you're a four or anything, like, just message me. I answer all my DMs. I love interacting with people. Definitely shoot me a message on Instagram. I'm julieciardi on Instagram.

Girlfriend, you're amazing. And like I said a few times, you bring so much to my life. Even though I was the one guiding you through this stuff, I just want you to know, like, that is priceless to me. And I will never forget our time together. And we're going to be friends forever. And I love you.

You are a genius at what you do. And one thing, one more thing I just have to say to all your listeners is that I was interested in the Enneagram early on, and it's a lot of information out there. Information is completely useless if we don't know how to implement it and apply it and drive transformation. And I think that you are an absolute genius in how you do this.

Thank you.

Because you create that transformation, of course. But your genius is also that you can actually figure out who somebody really is. Like, that's massive. That is massive. Right? So you got this big test and, like, but Tracy can actually figure out who you are. That is gold. And I'm just so thankful for you. To be able to have someone finally see me, finally understand me, is one of the most just. I'll love you forever for that. That's. That's huge.

You guys, I know that this really made an impact on you, and.

I know it would mean a lot to Julie and me if you love this episode, to share it with somebody, whether you're a four or not, or you're married to one or love one or whatever. Just all the information on how powerful, not just the information of the Enneagram is, but when you understand, like she said, how to integrate it, I know that this will land on somebody. Maybe it was you. Screenshot it. Share it. Just send this episode to a friend, whatever you see fit. It would mean a lot. If you want to tag me. Traceyomalley and Julie. Julie, Is it? Julie Siardi.

Julie Siardi. Yep.

Yep. Boom. Love. Thank you so much for showing up today and giving so freely of yourself to so many of us. I love you. You guys.

This is powerful. This is powerful. And we only get one shot at this life, so go out and live it. I love you girl.

Love you.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's Become Bulletproof.

Sam.