139: Are you tired of not walking your talk? Today’s the day to pull the trigger

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof.

Buckle up, let's go.

So let me get this right for you. I was just thinking yesterday was Easter and I was flying back from Miami and all of a sudden when I touched down on the ground, I got flooded with emotion and it had me thinking about all of you. And you know, I've been at this personal development stuff for about 21 years now. I started when I was 28 years old and there was 12 years there that I did the few steps forward, many back kind of game. And I know that many of you listening right now feel that way. You feel like not only have you said and put your hand up like I want a different life, I want to live unapologetically me and I want to do all the things I'm meant to do. And you know, I want, want, I, I, I want it all and we absolutely can have it all. And there's a huge reason why you're not moving forward. And I think this episode will land for you where it did me yesterday. You know, I work with so many people that come to me, I'm kind of like the they know it's time and kind of thing. I have had done so many calls over the last few weeks where they always go the same way. The minute I met you, I knew that I was going to work with you. And some of them that was three or four years ago. Some of them it was a year ago. Some of them it was just two weeks ago. And you know, when the student is ready, the teacher does appear. And I want you to know if you're beating yourself up for maybe not moving forward at the speed in which you prefer or you know, that you have done the steps forward, steps back game, I want you to have compassion for yourself because there are some, some very powerful reasons why you haven't moved forward. Now, that is not a reason to stay stuck, you know, because when you know better, you got to do better. And maybe this will land on you a way that has you saying enough's enough, like it did for me almost a decade ago. And if you are one of those people that you have been listening to me or following me or maybe this is the first time you're even hearing me, and this lands right where you need it. I. I have a lot of experience in helping people break through the subconscious, sabotage, the blind spots that maybe nobody sees. I see things very differently than most. That provides you insight to not just being aware and not just taking action, but acknowledging why and how this all got this way so that you can, with love and compassion, move forward without beating yourself up. And that's the way it's sustainable. And I only work with a small amount of people at a time. And I. I don't take everybody. That applies. Quite honestly. I don't care how much money you got. I really only work with the ready and willing. And if you raise your hand and said, trace, I've had it. I am ready to take my life to the next level. Maybe you've been in mastermind groups or hired other coaches or done other programs, and I get it, like, it has all led you to right here. But if that is you, don't wait another day. My calendar, my schedule is just about full. I think I have maybe two spots left. So if you've been thinking this might be for you or if this is landing on you today, take action. Don't talk yourself out of it. This is my life's calling, this kind of work. I would have died for a me back 21 years ago when I started this. So I wanted to maybe provide some insight into why you're not moving forward and take you back to yesterday. For me, as I landed, I spent almost the week in Miami. I also turned 49 over the weekend.

And I think a lot of this emotion had to do with my birthday. I have never been somebody that celebrates my birthday. In fact, I try to ignore it. I don't tell people it's my birthday. I know Facebook tells people it's my birthday, but it's not something that I have wanted to celebrate very much. In fact, I. I just say I'm not a big fan. They're not my thing.

And that's a lie. Quite honestly. I have conditioned myself to say that, to believe that, to ingrain it in my head so that I'm not disappointed. And then there was another component that hit me over the weekend. So most of my life, you know, I grew up in a home. It was beautiful in a lot of ways, but also equally painful. And my birthdays were never one to be celebrated. In fact, the day of my birth was one where my dad told the doctor to keep me because he didn't want me because I wasn't a boy. Now mind you, he was kidding. He was kidding. But as a four year old, I heard that story. And so the day of my birth has always been something that wasn't celebrated. And it wasn't just that day that I was born. There was never really a much about my birthday that many did much about. And that's not me looking for sympathy or a pity party. But that's kind of where this conditioning came to not have expectations, to not rely on anybody for anything outside of me. And it's where I really started to become a lone wolf.

The other thing that hit me yesterday, and this is, this has probably been the most underlying reason why I have not been a fan of my birthdays. And why. What does this have to do with why you're not moving forward? Well, I will tell you in just a second. So the other part of my birthday that really came to light for me yesterday and really flooded me with a lot of emotion. And not just emotion, but sadness. And if you've been listening to me or know me at all as an enneagram8, sadness is not an emotion. I enjoy whatsoever. I perceived it in the past as a weakness, unproductive, nobody has time for that. And so whenever I would feel the tinge of sadness come on, I would usually cover it up with its bodyguard called anger. Or I would numb it out with, you know, a substance or people, places or things. You name it. I would not let myself feel the sadness. But yesterday as my plane touched down on the ground in Phoenix, my tears fell and I had such a heaviness in my heart.

And I think a part of that was, you know, usually I park at the airport, but this time I let my son drive me. And you know, I had a great week, but I was really excited to get home to my kids. You know, they're in their 20s and they're amazing and living their adult lives and we're just such a great team. And you know, I've been been a single mom for 14 years, so we're really. And have excellent relationships with both of them. And you know, I couldn't wait to see my kid, my kids, but the kid that was Picking me up and, you know, I haven't had a relationship with my own mother for several years. It's always been strained since forever. Since the time I was born. My mom was pretty clear that I was a lot for her and not a lot to handle, but a lot of.

A mirror she didn't want to look in. I intimidated her. I made her feel uncomfortable. I was a lot like my dad.

And so for most of my life, we have not been close. But the last few years, it was about three and a half years ago, I asked her.

To put a little more effort in our relationship and she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I was just coming out of my own health scare and I really did want a relationship of some sort with my mom. But for our entire life, I had been.

The grown up in it, quite honestly. And it was three and a half years ago, I asked her, I said, mom, I really want a relationship with you, but I need you to put in some effort. And I could tell as I said it and put my cracked open, vulnerable heart on the line. I saw the lights go out for my mom and I haven't heard from her since, including on my birthdays or holidays. And yesterday, oh, I'm feeling some emotions coming up yesterday, it hit me that a big part of the reason why I don't enjoy my birthday is then I have to face the fact that.

The person that birthed me.

Doesn'T celebrate me either. And that's painful. And if I am to unpack my mom's life and, you know, connect the dots cognitively and from my mindset, I completely understand why this is the way it is. I have so much love and compassion for my mom. She's lived a really hard life and it makes a lot of sense. And I know it isn't about me, but quite honestly, and that being said, it still breaks my heart. You know, we can understand things at a mindset level, and this is a huge part of why many of you aren't moving forward. And this is a huge part of the work I can do with you to really not just understand it, but feel it and heal it. If you don't feel it, you'll never heal it. And if you don't heal it, you will never be able to completely move forward and definitely not anything that's sustainable.

So the thing is, it hurts. It hurts a lot that the very person that birthed me, I was her firstborn too. So I completely made her a mom, and she just can't. And does it suck yeah. Is she capable of a relationship? No. Is she an amazing human being? Absolutely. She's an absolutely beautiful soul. And it's just hard. And as a mom, myself, and somebody who's worked really, really hard the last 21 years to break that generational stuff as to not pass it on to my beautiful kids, there's a grieving process that goes with that. We're human feelers. You know, I can mindset my. My way through a bunch of stuff, but it's been the feeling part that has gotten me to healing. And I know that many of you, especially with COVID exposed a lot of stuff for a lot of people, and in the world of social media and personal development, you know, people will just scrape the surface and open up the wound, but then not show you or guide you through the process.

I guide myself through the own. The very own very same process I can bring you through. And I've helped thousands through processes. And, you know, I'm never going to say that it's without pain, because it isn't without pain, but you can have your heart broken and recover. And yesterday was just a very emotional feeling day. And I took, you know, in the past, my first 40 years of my life, I would hide any kind of hard feelings for my children, except the anger. They saw that one from time to time. But the sadness, you know, part of me is like, oh, it's my birthday. They kind of want to celebrate. It was Easter. They want to celebrate me. But I had to be really honest with them. I'm like, guys, I am just feeling all sorts of shit, and I'm happy and I'm irritable and I'm sad and I'm mad and all the things, all within five minutes. And you know what? I'm human. And you know what that does for our kids, even in their 20s, is it teaches them that we're human and that they're going to experience a wide range of emotions. And, you know, how we get through them is to feel them. So why. You're probably listening to this and you're. You're thinking like, okay, trace, but, okay, how does that have to do with me and why I'm not moving Forward? Well, for 40 of those years, I didn't move forward. I would take a few forward and then, you know, more back, right? And it's because of these things I'm about to explain to you, and I'm sure that it's going to hit you, and you're like, oh, shit, you're talking to me. And yes, I am. I see you. I was you. And this is the very reason why when people meet me or hear me or see me, they say, I am going to work with her one day. And. And for whatever reason, you haven't pulled the trigger yet. Maybe it's because you're afraid. This is not easy.

Maybe it's because you will have to own your part in it, which is really, really hard. Maybe it's, you know, you can insert whatever it is for you, but I know that we get one shot at this life. 1. And tomorrow is not guaranteed. Ever. And it was my dad's death, suddenly, that really had me stop the two steps forward 10 back game. That was proof that at any moment our time can be called and we don't get it back. And a man that worked his whole life to just be whatever the heck he was within 12 days was, was dead from a cancer diagnosis. And for some people, we don't even get that warning. And so I don't want you to waste one more fucking day. Not one more not living your true purpose. All that stuff that is painful, even this stuff with my mom, you know, there's layers to this. I've been grieving parts of my mom for decades, but this was another layer. And all of those things matter. Every single one of those things makes me a better mother, a better partner, a better friend, and the most epic damn coach for you. I have walked this journey and I'm here to help you walk through it. So one of the reasons that I did the 2 forward 10 back game was because I didn't want to lay down boundaries. Because boundaries maybe, maybe upset people. And it usually upsets the peoples that boundaries usually upset the people that they were made for. Right? Or the ones that really need to have the boundaries. And I remember, especially with my dad, oh my gosh, you know, the belief that I had to be ready, accessible, and whatever my dad needed allowed me to put aside any of my own thoughts and feelings. And when we let people take advantage of us or we say yes to things that we definitely don't want to do and then have resentment for them or we don't want to make waves.

That is called, you know, not putting down a boundary. And for the longest time, specifically, well, with everybody, I. I pretty much broke through boundaries. Especially in, like, romantic relationships, you know, with men, I was like, okay, whatever. Or even in the workplace, if I felt like I was going to get ahead to have some more certainty, I would scrap boundaries. I would do whatever it took. I would break boundaries. Not just have boundaries, but I would break boundaries and that would cause a lot of wreckage in my life. So maybe you're a boundary breaker. Maybe you're. I have a hard time setting them. Maybe you're both like I am. The other reason that many of you aren't moving forward is you're going to have to ask for what you want.

And this is a hard one for me as a lone wolf and never wanting to rely on anybody because that's kind of my makeup and that's kind of what I was conditioned for. You know, asking for what I want puts you in a very vulnerable situation. You could get hurt, you could be disappointed, you could be rejected. And that's why I never did it. If it was to be, it was up to me. And if you are wanting to do any. Anything of epic, epic proportion, you can't do it alone. None of us are here to do any of this alone. But here's the kicker. Just because you ask for what you want doesn't mean you're always going to get. Means you're going to get hurt. It means you are going to be vulnerable and it still could hurt. And so this is probably my biggest downfall, not just in personal relationships, but also in business. The work that I'm doing. I can't touch as many of you as I want to. And. And I'm all about an impact. I don't do it for the money necessarily. I don't do it for accolades by any means. In fact, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. And it's probably part of why I don't ask for what I want, because I know what will be required of me. But it's why I have not grown to help more of you. It's because if I ask for what I want, I could be let down or disappointed or put in a very vulnerable situation where I have more exposure. And that quite honestly, scares the shit out of me. And you know what? It's really selfish. It really is. So I'm giving myself compassion and grace.

But it's. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes. And, you know, in recent months, I have had to ask for what I want. And. Scary. It's scary. But here's what happens when you ask for what you want. You kind of let God, the universe, the divine kind of make its way with you, right? If you're into manifestation, you have to be vulnerable in that and then take action. It's not like you just ask for what you want and you sit and wait for it. But if you really are somebody that's into manifestation and not just the good stuff. You have to be very careful if you're into manifestation. If you, if you put out the negative stuff, you're going to get that too. So that might be part of what's keeping you held back. Another reason many of you and myself hadn't moved forward like we would like our unwillingness to have really hard conversations. I was doing a call with somebody today, you know, that is in business with a friend. I have several people that are business partners and friends. And I'm in the middle of this, quite honestly. In my network marketing business, most of my friends became business partners. And it's really hard, you know, you have to do all of these things when it comes to business and friendship. You having boundaries and asking for what you want and also having really hard conversations that come from a place of love. And again, that puts your heart chakra wide open and you risk being hurt or let down or disappointed or pissed off, or you insert whatever that feels like for you. Sometimes you'll feel all of that. But a lot of times we aren't willing to have hard conversations because.

It may not be received well or it may hurt somebody. And here's the thing, and this is what I explained to somebody today, and I have to explain it to myself constantly. I run it through this filter when I have to have a conversation, you know. And how do you know you have to have a conversation? Well, if resentment is eating you alive, your body is breaking down, you get an icky feeling when you have to talk to somebody or their name shows up on your phone or any of that, that means there's something left unsaid and you might have to have a hard conversation. So one of the ways I determine whether or not this is a conversation that needs to happen now or later is especially if I know that on the receiving end, the person may not like this conversation, whether it's with my kids, business partners, friendships, whatever. If what I am saying is for their greatest good and coming from a place of love, and I know this, and I run it through the filter of the divine and God and, and I know that there's no agenda here and no ulterior motive, then I have the hard conversation. Now, that being said, is it always received as love and the greatest good? Absolutely not. I know when hard conversations have had to be had with me that sting sometimes if you catch somebody and they aren't prepared or anything, you catch them on any day, that or it doesn't matter, you can't, you can't predict this. But if you know this is coming from a place of love and the greatest good for them, how they receive it really isn't any of your business. And the reason why many of you aren't willing to have these hard conversations is it could end a friendship, a relationship. I am living this. I had to have a hard conversation about three years ago with a family member. It was through love, it was honoring me. It was, it was not enabling somebody anymore. That was really being enabled a lot with their shitty behavior. And guess what? That didn't end well. And I haven't talked to them since. Painful, hurtful. And maybe their part of the story was over.

The other. Another reason why many of you aren't moving forward is you worry about, you worry about change and the pain of change. But. And the thing is, making the change is actually less painful than worrying about the pain. But we work ourselves up. And if you really looked back on your life to the pain that you've experienced, I would probably betcha that on the other side of the pain, the heartbreak.

Whatever it is, something beautiful came of it. Yet we work hard to stay stuck in that pain and, and use it as a wall. I mean, think about childbirth. Oh my God, like when I had my babies, my first daughter, my daughter was born, 30 something hours of labor, three hours of pushing, hurt like a son of a gun. Like painful as fuck. Like seriously, I don't know how those of you that have done it without any kind of medication have done it. You all are saints. But I went for 30 something hours. So if I had a choice, though, I gotta say, if I had a choice between a 3 hour 0 drug labor versus a 30 something hour labor with some drugs, I would take the three hours with no drugs any day. Just saying. But here's the thing. That is the most painful thing I've ever had happen to me in my life physically. And guess who was pregnant three months later, forgot all about that shit. Me. We need to do more of that. When it comes to stepping forward into growth, sometimes you got to lean into the pain. And yesterday I leaned into the pain. You know, there's this uncertainty when we have hard conversations or ask for what we want, or throw down a boundary that there's this season where, you know, people may exit our life based on those conversations, boundaries or demanding more.

And I'm not saying any of that's ever fun. But I know for me, I spent four decades staying places I shouldn't have been and sacrifice myself and My calling, that was on my life for a long, long time, just to keep the peace. And the thing is, when we think we're keeping the peace, we really are screaming inside. And quite honestly, the people that work with us, love us.

They feel it too. They may have gotten what they wanted, or so you think, but that's not intimacy and that's not connection. That's a slow, painful suicide, quite honestly. And so when we sit in the middle ground in the wilderness, and I wish I could tell you, if you let all these people exit your life or you have these hard conversations, you know, here's the thing. Sometimes those conversations turn relationships around and they turn businesses and financial status around. It did for me. I mean, nine, ten years ago, I did all of these things and my life was at ground zero. And within two years, it changed completely. Now, I sat in the wilderness for a while and there, there was no contingency plan. There was not this like, well, if I do this, then this will happen in X amount of time. That's not how this shit works. That's not the surrender. That's not faith. And it's in this wilderness that we really get refined. And it's painful sometimes, and sometimes it can go on for quite some times.

Sometimes it can be very lonely. Sometimes it's in that wilderness that we say it and we go back to what we know. We give in, we break, you know, we break our own boundaries, blah, blah, blah, right? And then we kick the out of ourselves for it later. And although yesterday I was sad and even had some heaviness in my heart, today, I think I was having an emotional hangover. Today I don't regret any of it. You know, the pain, it's real. It's there. But I'm better for it. I am. I am better for it. We can't control people, places or things, only our. Our responses and reactions to them. And so I'm going to continue to honor that little girl that lives inside of me. You know the other thing that I would want to tell you, you know, if, if this is something you're like, holy shit, this is hard. Yes, it is. But you know what? What is called for your life is something magical. And, and I'm here to tell you, like anything that is incredible in this life did not come without some pain. Now, I'm not saying blow up your life to speed the process, because that doesn't work either. Trust me, I tried. But here's the deal. It is a daily, daily thing. And until your time on earth is Done. Trust me. There are layers upon layers upon layers. But the tools that you can learn and elegantly use through the pain and the process and all the wilderness will help you grow, growing at a very rapid pace. You know, one of the things I learned in recovery, and this one stuck with me. This is my, my golden nugget that I learn every day. In fact, it's going to be the name of my boat. One day when we were in Miami, I was talking, we were walking down millionaires row, these multi, multi million dollar yachts. And I've had a boat on my board for a long, long time. I don't do vision boards really, but like, that's been something like, yeah, the water in me is my jam. And I was friend like, oh, boat's happening. I'm like, what should I name it? You know, because we were reading all the names of the boats and it, it's going to be named after this sentence that I heard in recovery that I think about every single day when the pain hits or the hard times hit. Because you know what? We're living human beings.

The more that you up level your life, the more there's a target on your back. New levels, new devils. You've heard me say that before. And what I remember every single morning, morning, especially in the hard ones, is what we have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. It means that we have to daily work daily on that spiritual condition. We can't just have one and expect greatness to happen. What we have is a daily reprieve, and that is going to be the name of my boat, Daily reprieve. Isn't that great? It's my gentle reminder that, you know what? I'm in it. I'm here for it. And I hope you are too. And I know that that's a lot and, and I know the things that I just said. You're. You're shaking your head right now. You're driving your car, your car. And you're like, hell yeah, sister. You know what the hell you're talking about. And then you're like, oh, shit, hell yeah, sister. You know what you're talking about. And if you are somebody that has been working hard on this, I know many of you have because I'm working with lots. I'm working with therapists. Y' all therapists come to me, right? I get it, I get it. It's real easy to talk the talk, but you need to be walking the walk for you to have the, the life that you're desiring. And if you're not quite sure how to walk your own talk or you've walked it, but then you kind of backpedal in it or you've talked it and you know you're not really walking it and you're having imposter syndrome or whatever the hell else you're having. Lean into me. Today's the day. I only have a few spots open right now to work one on one with you. And I don't know how long I'm going to be able to work one on one with people because I am going to be asking for more of what I want and that is going to allow me to do bigger work here in the world. And I don't know how many openings I'll be able to keep for one on one coaching. And the ripple effect of the work we do impacts your personal life. If you are in a romantic relationship, it will impact your marriage or relationship. If you're a parent, holy shit. Does this help you break generational bullshit that you have been carrying money? Let me tell you. You don't think this emotional intelligence has an impact on your income? Back the truck up, sister and brothers. It really, really does. The ripple effect of this work means multiplying your bank account. It really, really does. And your overall health. And I know that you're tired. I was tired. To reach out, go to my website, Tracey O' Malley.com. go to the work with me section. Fill out an application. This is not for the week of heart. I only want you to fill it out. If you're like, yep, I'm tired of fucking around, Trace. I know you're the girl to take me there, and you are not wrong. But if you're not ready, don't do it. Don't. I'll know if you're not ready or not, and I'll tell you.

But if this is landing on your heart today. This was a really heavy few days for me. And you would think, you know, yeah, I let my best friend celebrate my birthday with me and it was very uncomfortable and she knew it. We talked all about it. It was really, really awkward, but really, really beautiful. Also, at the same time, I could feel the little girl in me who was a little afraid of it, really start to come out and embrace that this was safe and this is okay. And she is worthy of celebration. And I know that you are, too. You are worthy of celebration and abundance and love and a hell of a lot of money and health and longevity and all the beautiful things that you desire, you deserve it and you are worthy of it. And if this landed on your heart, take a screenshot, Let me know how you're feeling about this episode. I will keep bringing you more and more. If you are wanting to understand this more, just reach out. I can kind of guide you through that process and what that would look like for you. And until next time, here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning into the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stay, stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.