140: The Sweet Spots and Blind Spots of Each Enneagram Type

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week, I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up, let's go.

So I know many of you have been hitting me up and wanting to know how to use this beautiful gift of the Enneagram to grow it. You realize it is more than just these cool, trendy, hey, let me know about your personality. It's way more than like horoscopes, which I love by the way. It's way more than just behaviors or fun memes. Like, it's starting to catch up to you that this is an amazing tool that is so underrated and so powerful in your growth that you're like, okay, now I get what you're saying. Trace information doesn't equal transformation. It's the integration of it that allows you to have transformation, growth, acceptance, healing, all of this. And if you have been listening for any length of time, you know that I have been at this personal development thing before. It was a thing 21 years ago was when I started to chip away at me and understanding that the very things I tried to run from, the most painful parts, the most unhealthy parts of what I grew up with, what was in my soul, all those things I couldn't outrun, outwit, outsmart, outlast any of them. If you don't repair it, you repeat it. And you know, I carried a lot of generational stuff.

You know, with me. And that's why we see things that go on for generations and generations. And the Enneagram has allowed me to not only unpack it and categorize it and understand it from a place of love and compassion, but also use those very things that I used to shame myself for for something beautiful. You know, I've said this with the Enneagram, like, each one, each type has their superpower. And when it's coming from love, compassion, empathy, grace, service, they are superpowers and that same superpower can become a wrecking ball when it's coming from fear, insecurity, doubt, unworthiness, shame, and ego. And that's the beautiful part about this, is we don't necessarily have to overhaul who we are. And that's what the freedom of understanding and integrating the Enneagram. Enneagram brought me to my life. I didn't have to change who I was. I just needed to understand some things from love. Because pretty much everything that we do is either motivated or coming from a place of love or fear, right? And when we're coming from a place of love, things just get a lot easier. It doesn't mean we hurt any less. You know, usually when we flex our power wrecking ball muscles, it's usually because we're coming from a place of fear. So today I thought I would kind of talk about, you know, the sweet spots, the blind spots, the hot spots, and the holy grail of the Enneagram and what that means and what this can do for you. And not just you personally. But I think that's the most important place to start. Because if you can't lead yourself, how are you going to lead others? Whether it's in your home or in your businesses? And you can't give what you don't freely give yourself, right? So if you aren't giving yourself the love and compassion and understanding and grace, you can act as though you're giving it to other people, but it really isn't possible. Right? You know, we've heard the cliche you can't truly love others or receive love if you don't love yourself. And I know that sounds like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but it's kind of true. It really is from the most genuine places of our soul. The reason I know today I don't get triggered as much. Um, I mean, don't get me wrong, I can still get fired up, but the reason I don't get triggered so much is because I do give myself compassion, and then I'm able to see it with other people. Right? So the sweet. Every Enneagram has a sweet spot, right? And this is where we have clarity of vision. This is where we have an intuitive edge. This is where we know what we value, what's really important to us, and what we have clarity around other than, like, another type, so to speak. So, like in the instinctual triad, the eights, the nines and the ones, you know, we have, we're. We're more action oriented. We, you know, we're more Instinctually led. We value truth and justice, right? So we will naturally that. That is kind of our sweet spot, like the good, the bad, the right, the wrong, the innocent, the not. And that's kind of where that happens. Those are the sweet spots for that triad and for the heart triad, the twos, the threes, and the fours. You know, you have an intuitive edge on people. This is where you can. You can. You're in the feeling center. So you're all about heart and feelings. Now, that looks very different for the twos, threes, and fours. You know how to be significant in the world, whether it's in service of others. You know how to be significant within yourself. You're constantly looking for that. Or you know how to be significant.

In a way of approval. Right. You know how to move the needle when it comes to people, places, and things, for sure. And including yourself. Right? That's why you guys do drive the world, I gotta say. The heart center, I mean, it's where love lives, is in the heart. And that can take, you know, an unhealthy turn, of course. But we're talking sweet spots right now. The thinking center. You guys are strategists. You guys can see a few steps ahead. It looks very different for the five, six, and sevens. But this is where you guys become, you know, executors. And you can get us out of a pickle from time to time. You can also be paralyzed by that, whether it's an avoidant or, you know, spinning out internally.

Now, I want to talk about blind spots for a second. So I use this analogy a lot in my coaching. But, you know, no matter what kind of car you drive, whether it's like a $300,000 Bentley or a Prius, it doesn't matter if you're driving a car. There's always a blind spot. And no matter how good you get at driving, you're always going to have to check your blind spot. We all have them as personality types. Each enneagram type has a blind spot. And these are aspects of ourselves.

That we can overlook, that the world overlooks. And sometimes we come by this innocently and sometimes purposefully. You know, I know my blind spot is this vulnerability piece, and there are times that, you know, it is subconscious. And other times I'm very intentional about that.

Sometimes one of the blind spots is we can see others needs, but not our own. You know, there's certain types that do that. There are other blind spots where we're so rigid, we only see black and white thinking, and we can't see like the bigger picture. Some of us feel more than others. So knowing that we've got a blind spot, and I know for a long, long time, you know, the very thing that is my blind spot, which happens to be feelings, you know, and not being as aware of how my energy can affect other people. I'm really in this season right now, like looking back at some of the things I've done that were great, amazing things I've been celebrated for. And looking, oh, I'm getting emotional. I'm feeling it and looking back and understanding that there may have been a subconscious motive behind it.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's amazing when we can look back at this and understand our blind spots from love and compassion and understanding. And that's where I'm at right now. Where before I may have looked at it like I was a manipulator or ego driven or power hungry. And now I look at it from a place of what? Wow, okay. That was a protective mechanism. And you know, when you look at your blind spots, so much of us look at those when we catch us ourselves in a blind spots. This is where we find ourselves in procrastination and sabotage. We usually take out the shame stick. Right. And I will encourage you today that you know, when you look at the blind spots and I'll do an episode all on just the blind spots of each enneagram type. But I want you to know that as you understand what your blind spot is, it's not to beat yourself up with it. Right. Because it's in our blind spot that there's a beautiful blessing and miracle. Because this is where you find compassion. This is where you probably go to the most protective parts of your soul. And you know, when you can look at it with that kind of compassion and, and when I want to go to shame, which, I mean, it's an easy, easy thing to go to. It's what keeps us safe. You know, shame is a silent killer. It really, really, it's a silen killer of dreams, of health, of relationships, of success, abundance. It doesn't serve any good. It really, really doesn't. But we, we pull it out. We pull out that stick and, and decide to whip ourselves. And I'm looking at. Ugh, I'm so emotional today. I'm looking at a picture of myself as a four year old. And I remember as a four year old, that's when shame first started to make its appearance into my life. And when I look at that innoc.

And know how much she was carrying. I'm not going to pull that out on her anymore. And we all needed this little dose of love and understanding and the ability to be seen, heard, and understood. And. And I know if you're listening to me and you've been, or if whether this is your first time listening to me or not, there's a reason why you fell on this episode today. You need to hear this message that we all, and at a point in our lives, felt completely unseen, unheard, and. And misunderstood innocently sometimes by those that we cared about. And I know that the more that I understand myself and really see me at my true innocent essence.

I get more emotional, which is really uncomfortable for me, but also so damn beautiful because we're human beings and we. We can step into our calling and our true, beautiful gifts in this world when we allow ourselves to feel all of it. It's not comfortable, but growth never is. All right, the hot spots of each Enneagram type, this is where our vulnerabilities in our sweet spot come into play, right? So, like, when our sp. Our sweet spot is there, like our clarity of vision, what we value, when we feel like that vulnerability is being exposed, that's when, you know, each Enneagram type has their little hotspot, right, where we get triggered. And this is where I like to say, you know, the Enneagram is rooted in nature, nurture. And I believe, you know, it's one third nature, one third nurture, and one third early childhood stuff and how we learn to cope with things. And there's many different beliefs on what the Enneagram is. This is just me and my experience and my work within it over the last decade with myself and families, my own family and other people's families and teams and organizations. This is just my belief and my experience with it. You know, everybody's got their own kind of take on the Enneagram, But I do believe that our early childhood hurts and vulnerabilities and have a huge part in how our unique soul contract, our unique Enneagram type gets expressed. So when I get asked, do our. Does our Enneagram type change? No. No. But how it gets expressed absolutely can take on different forms. And these hot spots, you know, this is where we also get good at dismissing some feelings to protect ourselves. This is also where, you know, the fun memes come into play and the. The stereotypes come out to play. And this is where a lot of times people get mistyped, right, is when the hotspots are. Are hit. Because this is where our coping mechanisms Come into play. So sometimes this can show up on these online assessments. You know, sometimes that top score is our stress number. Sometimes it's a wing. It just depends on where you learned how to protect those vulnerabilities most as a child. And this is why a lot of people are mistyped. Sometimes when these hotspots are hit, we can become anxious. Sometimes we can be more depressed. Sometimes we can be more angry and explosive or resentful. But this is where we really develop the behaviors. And again, this is where we get mistyped a lot. This is where we develop the behaviors, the mechanisms, the compensatory strategies to not get hurt anymore.

You know, in the blind spots, I kind of will just touch on the blind spots real quickly, because these blind spots, when this happens.

You know, and then the hot spots are hit. This is kind of where we go right when the hotspots are hit, all of a sudden it's like, shit, this was a blind spot. And this is kind of the behaviors. Like, for ones, it's resentment, right? They get resentful. They get critical. For twos, it's pride, right? They become this. This martyr and super helpful for, you know, they. They give to get. Sometimes the threes, they go into deceit. Like, they become the chameleon and operating in the world, however, they know that they need to be in order to be worthy of approval and love. Fours, you know, they sit in envy. They believe that something's wrong with them all the time or something. Everybody's got something that they don't. Or, you know, their common phrase, I wish I was more like xyz. And then they try to take on that Persona. For fives, it's avarice. This is where they hoard and they have greed. Not necessarily in a monetary sense, but, like, they can hoard their energy and resources and disconnect. For sixes, it's fear. It's fear. They will be so paralyzed sometimes by that that they will spin out. For sevens. It's gluttony. You know, this. This need to have more and more opportunity can have them kind of looking all over the place or bouncing from things to things, my fellow eight friends, is this lust, this craving of density. And, you know, they'll blow up their lives. I am a true, true example of, you know, when things get good is the enemy of great. And when things are too quiet and too okay. A lot of times eight will blow up in order to have acceleration forward. And this is a hard thing. I'm in this season right now. I'm comfortable in certain areas of my life. And it's hard for me to grow without some kind of intensity.

And sitting in in that is very hard for an eight for nines. It's that kind of sloth mentality and checking out on life. But the thing that's not talked about a lot, and this is where I focus a lot in my coaching. And so even if you are familiar with the Enneagram and you feel like you're in a good spot, there's a next level that maybe you're not in. And I like to call it the Holy Grail of the Enneagram. And this is, you know, what is earnest, pursued, or sought after, right? And this is usually what's most uncomfortable. And when it gets uncomfortable, this is where you'll say, like, it's not in alignment for me, or that's just not for me. And trust me, I. I definitely.

For a long, long time felt that way. Like, you know, feelings and shit were just not who I was or feeling of like, vulnerabilities or compassion or empathy. I would, you know, use different words for it. But this is the virtue and this is the growth of each Enneagram. And this is where the growth numbers come into play. And I've done a few episodes on the growth numbers because I think so often in the Enneagram world, we focus on, you know, just our type, but there's so many different components and. And the beautiful gift and where you are really thriving in yourself is when you're able to embody all parts of the Enneagram. And the reason I can speak to anybody today.

Even the most. Even the people most different from me and the reason why I have earned credibility and trust with pretty much every single person that I come in contact with today doesn't mean I'm always liked. I'm not going to say that I'm not always very much liked. In fact, I a lot of people off with my ability to see here and understand them, that feels even though it's what we crave, it's also the very thing we're most afraid of, because that's where our vulnerability lives. But the reason that I am able to do that today is because I lean into the growth number, which is where virtue lives. Okay? So, you know, for the ones, their growth number is the seven, you know, which is, you know, anything is possible outside the box thinking. And when a one really is all about improving things all the time, they can be so rigid that they lose that ability to. To think outside the box and to See the bigger picture, because serenity is the virtue, the Holy Grail of the Enneagram 1. For the Enneagram 2, humility is the Holy Grail and their beautiful, beautiful sweet spot.

And for the two, their growth number is the Enneagram four. So humility and knowing that, you know, their worth isn't about other people and understanding that they have their own needs and that they can actually be a hell of a lot better in service of others when they really take care of themselves first, when they honor themselves first instead of being this sacrificial martyr sometimes. So humility is the Holy Grail of the Enneagram too. For my beautiful achiever, threes out there, your Holy Grail number and virtue is authenticity and threes, you know, at the root of them, sometimes they believe their worth is and what they do achieve and how they appear in the world. And so a lot of times they can. They don't even know who they are sometimes. And they come by this innocently and they have a hard time celebrating the wins. They just move on to the next thing. And when a three can lean into their growth number, which is the six, and slow down and really see things a little more clear, that's when they can lean into their authenticity. And because they are such goal oriented people, when authenticity is tied to that, it's when they become the most effective leaders in their self, in their homes and in their businesses. The Holy Grail for the Enneagram 4 is equanimity, you know, because they. They really think that there's something missing in them when they embody this equin equanimity and understand that there is an ebb and flow and they don't have to keep searching outside.

For what they're missing and really embrace all the ins and outs of their emotional capacity and knowing that that's their spiritual gift. They don't need what everybody el What a four brings to the table is something so special. And I think in 2020, we have learned that the ability to hold space for people emotionally is such an important gift to this world. And fours do it better than anyone. So if any fours are listening right now, please know that you don't have to keep searching outside of yourself or believing that you're missing something. I want you to know that what you got inside of you is more than enough, but you got to lean into it. The Holy Grail for the Enneagram 5 is detachment. And even though I know my fives out there are listening that are like, well, I have no Problem Detaching. That's not what I'm referring to. You guys have a easier time detaching from feelings. But what I want the Fives to understand is where the Holy Grail is. Because a 5 in growth goes to the Enneagram 8, where they become more decisive and instinctual. Because a 5 not having to think everything through and detaching from that, that's when you can become more effective and your gifts actually come to the world and you actually feel really, really damn good in it and feel more powerful because you guys do paralyze yourself in this need to have to think everything through or your ego will get in the way. I see this a lot with Enneagram Fives is you think everything through so much and know that you understand things at a higher level than most people and your ego can get you in trouble from time to time. So detachment from thinking everything through and leaning into more of that decisive instinctual energy, that is your Holy Grail spot for the fives, my enneagram6 loyalists, your sweet spot, amazing growth is courage. And a six and a growth pattern goes to the healthy nine, which is, I like to call them the Yodas of the Enneagram. And because Sixes are such strategic troubleshooting thinkers, because they don't ever want to be blindsided, they're worst case scenario thinkers, which is a beautiful thing. But you know, like I said, that blind spot can be fear for them where they become paralyzed. Where your virtue is, is courage. And leaning into that healthy nine, where you can see the bigger picture. And instead of like, what, what, what could go wrong, you can start to look at every situation as like, what's the best that could happen? When a six can lean into, what's the best that can happen if I courageously move forward, that's when all your troubleshooting and all your strategic thinking becomes such a gift to yourself and to the world. My Sevens, you know, in a healthy place, the Sevens take on that healthy five, which is that investigator and sobriety. And I don't mean from a substance, but when a Seven understands that they don't have to avoid all the time and they don't need anything outside of themselves for inner peace. They don't have to bounce from thing to thing to thing. My definition of sobriety is.

Having a deep soul connection with yourself and knowing that you don't need anything outside of yourself, whether it's a people, whether it's people, places, or things to have that peace. And when a 7 can really lean into the Container of solitude. Not isolation, but solitude. That's when their visionary spirit and anything's possible gifts really come to fruition. The Holy grail for the enneagram 8 is innocence. And you know, we are the most sensitive on the Enneagram. Even though most would never see that.

An 8 in a growth pattern goes to the healthy 2, which is where compassion and empathy live. And eights very rarely will you see that because they are working so hard to protect that innocence that it is built like that. Innocence is behind so many walls and other protective mechanisms. But when an 8 can lean into innocence, that's when you get to see their tender hearts. And I am in this season right now. And I will tell you that it is such a beautiful place to live. And it is the most uncomfortable I have. I'm in the most uncomfortable spot of my entire life. But I feel so seen, heard and understood and exposed. It's very scary. And like. So you can see where the Holy Grail is seriously the most uncomfortable. But I can tell you this. If my time on earth was called today or tomorrow or the next day or whenever, the fact that I have allowed myself to be seen in my most tender places by even just a very select few, there's like six people in the world that have seen this part of me.

I know that as uncomfortable it is for me, even with those people.

I have reached the Holy Grail of who I am. And I wish that for each of you. For my nines, you know, a nine in a growth pattern leans into the healthy three, which is the. The goal, the goal crusher, the getter done kind of person, the achiever. And because the nine in a blind spot takes on that sloth kind of checking out on life, the opposite of that is action. And that can feel really uncomfort comfortable for a 9. Because when a 9 takes action, they run the risk of ruffling some feathers, which is like the last thing they want to do. But because of their beautiful non judgmental seeing the bigger picture nature. When A9 takes action, they create movement and they create something beautiful in the world. I believe that the divine God Jesus, whatever, a higher power was an enneagram9 in my opinion. It's just my opinion because of that ability to take action, but with.

Integrity and the greatest good for all of us. So I want you to know like I get how hard it is to lean into growth. I am in such probably the biggest season of growth in my entire life. And it doesn't look like that necessarily to the outside world. But I know for me, the rumble inside of me is growing and twisting me all sorts of sideways and uncomfortable in all sorts of uncomfortable ways, personally and professionally. And I know if that is you right now, I want to hear from you. Let me know how this is landing. And if you want to.

Stop.

If you want to stop with the crazy cycle of sabotage, procrastination, shame, whatever it is you use to stay safe. And you know that you have something bigger to do personally, professionally, in this world. I would be honored to take you through a journey to really understand how to integrate the Enneagram in all parts of your life so that you can live out that soul contract that you were born with. This nature, nurture thing is a real deal. And the whole goal for me with the Enneagram is to help you get back to that innocent part of you, but with all the wisdom of life, however many years that you have been given. And I take people through this journey daily. And it is. It is my soul calling to be able to not just take you through it, but as I work with each and every one of you. That four year old little girl that's looking at me right now in this sweet little picture is saying thank you to each and every one of you that raises their hand and says, I'm ready to take this journey and this walk, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. I want you to know that I have your back. That I am here for you. That I will help you light that path for you and anybody that you reach behind you and take their hand. Whether it's your family, a partner, a movement, thousands of people, whatever that looks like for you. You know, to lead others, you have to be able to lead yourself first. And I'd love to take you on this journey. And I do that one of two ways. I can introduce you to the Enneagram and your type through a typing session. It is the most powerful 90 minutes you can spend. It is way more than just finding out your type. We go through, you know, the wings and your growth numbers, your stress numbers. And for many people my experience has been it's. It's such a powerful 90 minutes that sometimes for the first time, you feel seen, heard and understood. And if you need a dose of that in your life, then go to Tracy o' Malley dot com, go to the work with me section and sign up for a typing session. It's amazing. The other way is working one on one with me. I only take a select few people and currently I only have two spots left. And not only Will you understand your enneagram type? But we will literally take it through all areas of your life in real time, daily. You have access to me daily, like on speed dial. It's a great thing because when we learn new tools or learn new stuff, it takes some repetition to understand how to do that and to have a guide take you through it daily. Because what happens is if we don't know how to do something well, what we do is we slide back into old patterns or what we know, which is usually the very thing that we're trying to avoid, right? This same thing over and over, expecting something different, the insanity of it. And so having me on speed dial daily to help you through integrating new tools in your life will allow you to have the confidence, the grace.

The joy, and really honoring that soul contract that you've been seeking out this whole time. And so that's one on one with me. You can. It's by application only. I literally only have two spots open right now. And so if you are tired of this and you know that, you know you are here with me right here, right now for a reason. I'm a firm believer of when the student is ready, the teacher appears. There's a reason why you're listening. And if you're tired of hiring the wrong people or you're spinning, you're just sick of it, just go fill out an application right now. It's for only the serious. If you are ready to say, like, yeah, it's time, go fill out an application now and I will set up a call with you and we will talk about if you really are ready or not. I challenge you. This will be some of the most beautiful, hard, incredible.

Honoring work that you will ever do. And the compound effect of this in all areas of your life, in your homes, in your bank accounts, in your businesses, in your purpose, in your mission. Honestly, it's priceless and I would be honored to take you through that journey. If you love this episode, screenshot this right now. Let me know what you got out of it so I can bring you more of what you desire, what you need, and to skip the there's so much bullshit out there, I am tired of it. I am ready to be more bold with you. So let me know what you need, what you want, and we will do just that. Until next time, here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram at Tracy and I have tons of free resources for you@tracyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.