143: Sheira Live Coaching: How this 3 came out of the wreckage

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

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You are in for a treat today. You're gonna feel a lot of excitable energy because this beautiful woman and I did some work together. Gosh, how long ago was.

Was October? October, I believe so you're getting the six month transformation of aha moments. And.

From this beautiful joy cannon, like she shoots joy out of her, you can't help but watch her Instagram stories and just be around her and feel that joy. Like her smile lights up and it's so genuine. Which ironically.

We'Ll probably talk about where that comes from. She's an enneagram type 3. However, she was one of those that was in that 6 to 70% category of being mistyped and grossly mistyped. Like she had a seven that was top on her score and then there was like a 12 point difference between that and the three. And through our session six months ago, we were able to narrow down why she's a three, why she's motivated like a three, why she looks very seven like a lot of the time. And what she has done since then to integrate the Enneagram in her life, business, professionally, personally, spiritually and all the things. But you are going to be inspired. If you've been through hard things, I'm here to tell you you can overcome them. And she is a beautiful example of, you know, the rise that can come from a wreckage that blindsides you. Which for a 3 especially wreckage that was most would deem as like, oh my God, I can't even imagine what people might think. And for a three, that can feel like the death of them because how they appear, whether it's successful or, you know, their image or their beauty.

And their worth is so much tied up in that. And what's happened in her life over the last four or Five years. It pretty much brought that to ground zero, which, although it's never fun when we're hitting ground zero and rock bottom, that's where the most beautiful transformation can happen. If, if and only if you're open, willing and honest to do the work it takes. And Ms. Shira, welcome to the show.

Thank you. I am so excited to be here. It is always a good day when I get to spend quality time with you, my dear.

Thank you for that. So, you know, I know you'd been following me for a little while. We, we've run in some of the same circles and back in October, you decided you wanted to do one of these typing sessions with me. What kind of prompted that decision?

Yeah, 2020 and Covid was a turning point for me. It single handedly was probably the best year of my life because of the transformation that ensued. And in March of last year, I started to have an awareness that.

One of two things was going to happen if I did not make some serious changes. And one of them was not good. So I did that. I just made a decision that I was going to step into.

The best version of myself. And I didn't know what that was going to look like. I just leaned in and I trusted that God was going to provide the resources, the mentors and the guides, and he did. And the transformation started to take place and I just became obsessed with understanding how am I showing up. And one of the things, Tracy, that's been so interesting is that as someone who has been a self proclaimed personal development junkie for the better part of, gosh, I don't know, 30 years, it's amazing to me.

How much information.

We can consume. I'll speak for myself how much information I could consume without having an awareness of what my motives were and what was driving me. And so I just wanted, I just wanted to be more aware. And I was also starting to understand.

That I was being led to leave a very safe, very secure corporate coaching position and go out on my own, which really terrified me.

Yeah.

So I just wanted to have, I wanted to have as many tools in my toolbox as possible so that I could move forward with. From a place of wisdom, from a place of power, from a place of confidence and discernment.

Yeah, I think so often when we're uncomfortable or we need, or we know we need to make a change, sometimes we just kind of go in hot and reactionary and some of us stay paralyzed in it. You know, your type happens to be some. A type that is more assertive and Go after it kind of thing, which, you know, there's other types, is like, holy shit, no way would I leave. You know, the successful coaching career is in the mortgage industry too, right?

Correct.

Which, I mean, my goodness, right now it's hot, hot, hot. You could be busy 247 in that industry now. But what was it rumbling? What. What was rumbling inside of you that, you know, we're. We're both seasoned ladies.

We're.

We're second half of our life. I like to say that 29 range. That 29, totally. What was it rumbling inside of you that made you decide that you wanted to kind of go off on your own?

I have been chasing.

Peace.

For the better part of 55 years. I'm now 56, but at the time last year I was 55. And I just thought that if I could throw more willpower at it, if I could muscle through it, I would find it. And when I truly surrendered at the beginning of last year.

I recognized that rather than making these big strides, right, Attacking the all or nothing diet, the let's train for a marathon in two days, it was just. I had this go big or go home mentality. And when I surrendered to.

Just being in the moment and making small strides, and not just the. I mean, the physical transformation I experienced, but the spiritual peace that I experienced as a result, I recognized literally shot out of bed at three o' clock in the morning one night as though I was being spoken to, because I was. And it was so clear to me that, Shira, you are not alone. There are other high achieving, high performing, purpose driven women who are struggling in silence behind closed doors. Everything on the outside looks great, but behind closed doors.

Ain'T pretty.

And as an enneagram 3, that is kind of what happens between the. Everything on the outside looks great, great, but inside, you won't crack. Like, you won't let anybody see you crack. And the other thing that you said is so powerful, the chasing peace thing. I think Enneagram Threes typically, like, have this sentence, when I do this, I will feel, be, do X, Y, Z. And you're constantly moving the finish line, so you never actually celebrate and find peace in it because you're always kind of like, okay, what's next? What's next? Because it's kind of like the crack pipe of the enneagram 3 is an achievement, a goal. And what happens is sometimes you'll get it, you'll hit it, you'll marry it, whatever, right? And think you've arrived and you're there and Then you realize that it's kind of empty because your worth is tied up in it.

I mean, that's. You just described my life.

Yeah.

And the other just insidious thing about that is that I was as addicted to the bottoms. Yeah. As I was the highs. Because there was almost a chase of as though, whether it be professionally or in my health or spiritually, I would have these crashes. But then it was like, oh, here's my opportunity to accomplish again and get on the leaderboard or lose the 20 pounds and do the before and after. And it was absolutely exhausting. I mean, it was exhausting.

Threes and eights, because, you know, I'm an eight. We both have this kind of thing with that. With the bottoms, because even though we're motivated very differently, I like to, like, use the metaphor of a slingshot. You know, sometimes when you pull back the slingshot, it has to go back pretty far. And sometimes we take our lives back pretty far, but we do that, and we're okay with it to an extent. And we don't always wr. Recognize the wreckage we leave when we do this, but we know that in the pullback, the fallback, the Whatever that is, when we release it and surrender, the spring forward is so much far forward than where we originally started before we backslid, that we're okay with it. And it does become this sick kind of.

Game that we play. But, you know, when we start to look around and realize the wreckage we leave, not just the casualties of our relationships, but our health, our spiritual life, that's when enough is enough. And to be able to grow without doing that. I know. Is something that is challenging for you as well. For me. So when we did our typing session, you kind of came in thinking you were a seven.

Yep.

You appear very seven. Like, I will say that, like, you have all the behaviors of the seven, and even the whole, you know, chasing things and avoiding things and. And all of that is very seven behavior alike. What was the biggest aha. Moment you had when we kind of narrowed down that you're actually an enneagram 3 the Achiever.

The achiever. I got.

I didn't recognize to what degree.

How vitally important it was that everything look good.

And even.

As you said at the beginning of this call, when you were introducing me, I was thinking back to even in.

The.

Ending of my relationship four years ago and all that occurred there.

I'm just now recognizing, wow, that was a big piece of it for me. Like, I'm just gonna move, and I'm gonna go on. And I'm just gonna make sure that everybody knows that I'm good. And I don't care what he did, and I don't care what. Like, it's been so important that everything looked good on the outside. I understood that.

But only to the extent that it was helpful to me. I didn't understand how that was holding me back.

And how it was preventing people from being able to relate to me.

Oh, yeah.

You know, the enneagram 3 is like, I wish. There are days I wish I was wired like you. Because you just go after it. You crush it. And anytime I try to be like a three, I just. I get pissed, I get exhausted. And this is like, what's so important is we see the glory, but we don't always know the story. And especially when it comes to the enneagram3, all we see is the glory. And all we see is like, God, if I was only like them or if I was wired like them. But there is a very, very dark and lonely side when you're an enneagram3. If you aren't aware of what's happening, it can take you down.

And, you know, in uncovering this with you, where did you start to connect the dots? Where? You know, obviously that relationship was one thing, but where else in your life did you recognize that the image was everything, the achievement was everything, and what had you sacrificed in order to have that?

It was a constant, constant chase. And it wasn't even a professional chase. It was in every single area. It was a chasing in the job. It was a chasing to be acknowledged. But then I would crash and burn, so then I would move on to the next company, the next career. Not working for me here. Well, let's just move to the other side of the country, shall we? That's not working out for three years. Let's burning some bridges with some friends. That's no problem. Let's just move to New York and do our thing there. New York City. City that doesn't sleep. Let's just pretend like it's 1999 and you're Prince and we're just going to party like rock stars when we're at. And I mean, it just. It just kept going.

And I thought that this was normal.

I mean, I just thought, well, this is just what you do. And it left me feeling.

So empty.

And. And really kind of broken. Being honest, like, I really. I really truly thought, like, there is just something wrong with me. Like, why. Why do I have this dis. Ease, which really was a disease in so many areas like this, it felt like a sickness at times.

When we're chasing peace, and no matter what we do, we don't find it. Seriously. It's a constant, like, cycle of just the highs and lows, and it's exhausting. And when we get to our age, it's like, geez, Louise, like, I can't do this anymore.

Yeah. And, you know, you talk about achievement, but not all of the chasing was good.

Right?

I mean, my. There was no wisdom. There was no discernment in some of the choices I made.

My choice of a life partner, for one. I was given information.

That should have caused me to make a different choice.

Okay, so let's touch on that. So you got the information. The red flags are there. Aside from what happened, what about that relationship kept you in an image that, this is awesome. Like, everything's great. What was it about that relationship that allowed you to play the part that you felt worthy?

Absolutely. I was looking to be saved. I had jumped around, chased so often. I was 38 when we met. I'd never been married. So by the time the wedding was coming up, I was 40. My mom was ecstatic.

I believed him to be someone that he wasn't.

And I received information a month before the wedding that told me otherwise. And because. Because I was so broken. I mean, I was. I was hurting. I didn't trust myself. I didn't. I didn't believe that I was capable of taking care of myself in any way, shape, or form. I was looking for a savior. And so it was just really easy for me to brush that in, to believe. When he said, this was an isolated incident. I love you. This isn't who I am. Let's go talk to our pastor. Let's take care of this. And it was like everything was brushed under the rug. And then from that day forward, I just chose to continue to see what I wanted to see.

So you got pretty emotional on our call. And I know I was kind of hard on you. I remember, like, straight shooting you. Because you guys, when you're skilled at keeping up an image, you can talk around a lot of stuff, right? And to keep the image, to polish it up, to pretty it up, I mean, you're a gorgeous human being outside. You're a gorgeous human being inside. But a lot of times when we are working so hard to keep an image, we'll talk around things. And I tend to trigger a lot of threes because I. I can see through it. And I just want to applaud you for your courage. To go into this with me. What. What nerve did I hit that felt like you were so exposed, but in a good way. Even though it was painful in the moment.

What was? Like this. Oh, my gosh. Like, she actually does see me, and it's scary, but I'm also like. Like, you could almost feel your exhale. Like, finally. Finally, I don't have to keep this shit up anymore.

Well, I mean, first of all, the space, Tracy, that you hold for people, the care and compassion that you have for.

I mean, just being of service and helping. And helping us understand who we truly are and what drives us so that we can be our most powerful selves is unlike anything I've ever experienced. And I think, for me, what it was is that I was so conditioned to mindset it away, to affirmation it away, to pray it away. No offense, Jesus. Right. Like.

I'm down with the prayer, but.

Again, I wasn't. I wasn't grasping.

The fact that I was covering it up. It was like I felt like I was outside of myself, looking at myself as you peeled back this layer. And I felt. I did feel exposed, and I felt vulnerable, but the emotion was one of release. The emotion was one of the.

Thank the good Lord. Like, okay, can we. Can we be done with this already?

Yeah.

And.

Whoo. I just got goosebumps all over because I know that release is so powerful, and it's great. In this little space that we have here on the interweb, you and me in a private zoom session. And I think it was a Friday afternoon, if I do recall, because you were in my last call of the day. And I remember. Remember after that, like, holy. Like, I know that she just felt a huge thing of relief. And I know that probably for one of the first times in her life, she felt completely seen. And although it might have been a little scary, there was relief in that. But then I also. And this is where I struggle as a coach sometimes, because I know that we kind of poke the bear.

And it's. It's kind of like when I was in rehab, it's really easy to be sober in rehab. Yeah, it's really easy to be seen and vulnerable in this space that I do hold. And I. And thank you for what you said. Like, I. With great reward comes great responsibility. And in this, like, I take what I do with such care and responsibility. But I also know that you have to go out and live your life in the real world where it isn't as safe for you and it is very vulnerable, and people aren't as willing to hold space because of their own shit. So after this and after we've poked the bear and Shira is going out into her life for the next six months until we are here right now, what was the impact of that information and then the integration? Because I know that you believe what I said, like, information is great, but it doesn't equal transformation. It's the integration of the information that moves the needle. And we can pray and we can affirmation all the shit in the world. But if we're not taking some action in this, it's just information. So how did you navigate real life with different lenses after our call? Because that can be kind of. It can kind of be shocking. And it's almost an out of body experience.

I'm smiling so big. I've just been dying to share this story.

The short answer is I didn't.

Right away.

Sure.

Because I love consuming information. I love learning about myself. Integrating, not so much.

It's not that I don't love it, it's just I haven't practiced it. I have been a consumer for decades of information. So what transpired, though?

After our conversation, I started to recognize for anyone out there who has ever left a secure position and had a calling on their heart, on their life, that they are meant to do something. My intention was to stay at my job for a year and have a Runway and just kind of slowly build this joy movement that was on my heart. And for anyone that's been in that position, when you are called, you are called. And you cannot serve two masters. And so I quickly recognized that a year turned into six months. And then the conversation I had with the team resulted in me leaving at the end of February. And.

In my true 3ness, I had a lot of women who had an experience of me who were excited and ready to say yes to the container that I had created, which was my journey to joy experience. And so as we were coming up towards the end of that, I mean, we're talking last month, I was a part of a mentorship program. I am a part of a mentorship program. And I was charged with.

Creating a TED Talk and just taking a stab at it. Just do a little six minute talk. So I'm all excited. The three in me is like ready to be the shining star.

Shine the light on me.

Shine the light on me. And I'm writing and I've got statistics and it's articulate.

And I've even shared it with people and they have praised me.

It's like, you got your crack pipe.

I've got my crack pipe. I'm ready to go now. Meanwhile, I am coming up on the round two. Like, what's next for this little journey? And, oh, my gosh. Well, I mean, I was such a yes for these beautiful women. Of course, like, more people are just going to flock to me because this is who I am. Well, let me tell you, that did not happen. Mmm.

At all.

Right?

And so here we go. Crash and burn. Here's the crash and burn. And the old story, the old belief, the fear, all of it starts creeping in. And I know, because I've made a commitment to my mentorship group that I'm delivering this talk. So I was charged with sharing it with some people. I was supposed to go on IG Live. Did not do that. How can I do that? I've crashed and burned. I want to crawl up under a blanket and watch, like, 36 hours of Netflix, right? And eat all the things. And I was paralyzed. And the night before, I just said, you're just going to pull on your big girl pants and you're just going to show up, and even if you have to read it, you're going to deliver it, and it's going to be awesome. And in the back of my mind.

Like, you're going to get your fix tomorrow.

Because they're all going to, like, clap and tell you how awesome. Shoot. They're probably going to put you on that red dot, like, within a week. It's going to be so amazing. So I show up on my call.

And my coach is asking me, and I said, well, I made a commitment. And I said, I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to show up for myself.

See if I can do this without getting emotional. Probably not. It's okay, though. It's going to be fine.

So it doesn't have to be fine, by the way. It doesn't have to be fine and pretty and polished. Let it rip.

Thank you. So I deliver. So I deliver this talk. And people, the people in the group, There are about 25 women in the group. They were to put in the chat when they checked out. Like, at what point did you want to check your phone? At what point, you know, are you checking out? And I didn't.

Oh, my God. That is, like, crazy feeling.

I was ready for it, right? I was ready for it. So we're done. And.

Abby just. My coach just. She sits there and.

She looks at me and she's like.

How do you feel?

I took a deep Breath.

I said, I'll tell you what.

I said. I'm so freaking proud of myself right now.

I said, I don't really care about the talk, although I'm open to feedback because I want to get better.

But I had no intention of showing up for myself today.

And that's the space that I'm holding.

I want nothing more in my heart than for women like me to show up for themselves so they can begin to trust themselves, so that they can make choices that are going to allow them to step into their biggest, brightest self.

And I said, this is priceless.

And she was like, okay, well, so here's what's going to happen. You're scrap that six minute thing. Like, this is your. Here's your talk. Start here. And Tracy, in that moment, I was like, there's your three.

And how that was impacting me was no one was relating to me. Because even though all I want to do is love on connect with, I want the shearers of the world to look at me and say, oh, my gosh, she's like me. She can help me. They couldn't see that because my energy was. Well, I was being. My other coach said, you're a joy robot.

Ooh, totally.

Right?

Totally.

The dancing reels, the things like, everything's gotta be.

And I want to be that to a degree. But.

But you can't lead them there if you. They don't see this messy.

They have to see this messy part.

For them to trust you.

Yeah.

And to relate to you.

It was the most. It was the most beautiful moment. And one of the women in the group, she said, like, hold up. Like, I just want you to know, like, I show up to these calls every two weeks and I just meant like, you're a badass and you got it all together. And I just thought that, man, like, you are just untouching and I thought you're cool, but, like, I can't relate to you because I'm like a hot mess over here. This, this. She like this Shira I can get behind. Right.

Talk about that's peace, my love.

Yes.

That's what you've been chasing. 56 years. You just got it a month ago.

Right. Thank you. Like, really thank you. And this is why this work is so important. Because I can journal affirmations till the freaking cow comes home. But if I'm not understanding.

That motive.

And how it can prevent me from connecting with the people that God has placed me on this earth to serve.

Well, then what's the fucking point?

What's the fucking point.

So one of the things that you learned about being a 3 is and you bottled it up beautifully when you said you wanted to eat all the things and lay under the covers watching Netflix. So a three, when they're pushed beyond measure, they take on some of the unhealthier dark side of the nine, which is sloth. Kind of like zero fucks in not a good way. But like, like, I'm just going to shut down the world, be a little more passive. Like, nothing to see here. People move along.

And so, you know, for a three to get to that point, oh my gosh, they even go into hiding even more because God forbid anybody ever saw them like that. Right? And then the cycle continues and then they are like, you know, shame themselves into taking action and all of that. But happened with this whole thing about a month ago. You used the tools of the Enneagram, maybe without even recognizing it. But a three, when they slow down enough because a three just. And hyper alert, they'll just power through things and sacrifice their bodies, their relationships, their health, all the things in order to put on the show. Right? And I love what you did right there. You went into the healthy six, which a three can do when they're growing.

Which you certainly are.

And not because of affirmations or praying. And those are great, but you're actually like in the practice of like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's my motive here? I know I, I want to shut down. Yes, I will get my crack tomorrow, but. And I love that you acknowledge that because you recognize, like, that is the crack of the three is like the, the yays and the atta girls and the. You're so amazing and oh my God.

But that healthy 6 in you started to troubleshoot and really unpack. Like, okay, I'm going to show up. What's the best that can happen? What's the worst that can happen where sometimes a three will just go in hot, especially if they know they can slay it, at least on the outside.

Yes.

And I love that you started to pull back and slowed your roll a little bit and acknowledged, yes, I'm going for the hit bit of dopamine here, but I'm also in the full experience of what's happening in me and you allowed yourself to feel it, which, you know, the threes are in the feeling center and their underlying motion is shame. However, very rarely will you see a three in shame because they're. They're in hiding under the covers with the Netflix ho ho's and you'll never see them. They won't answer their door.

Right.

But I love that he's out. Exactly. So, like, that was part of acknowledging even a blind spot that you've had and you moved forward anyway and it was scary. And even though you did the little six minute talk in your full threeness at the end of it, just her asking that question and because you knew, like, I'm just gonna spill it, I'm gonna speak my truth. I don't even care what the comments and feedback are, even though I value that. Because you do want to be better. You just acknowledging that part and that's where the breakthrough happened. Not just for you, but the whole thing you, you are here to do in this world.

Go ahead.

Oh, I just want to speak to the. Oh, this is so important, you guys. This is so important. Understanding. I just knew I was a seven, right? Like, I took some tests before Tracy and I got together. Like, I took some online tests. I'm like enneagram. It's a buzzword. It's hot right now. It's trendy. I'm trendy. Let's, you know, let' chat and, and understanding how I show up and what my motives are in growth. And it was fascinating. I remember laughing because to know me is to know that I can't spell structure or discipline.

Any. Anything tech related, systems related, troubleshooting related. That is not my jam. I just ignore it or I hire people to do it for me. And that is exactly what happened. Not in that moment, but in the entire experience of.

The next idea falling flat. And okay, well, you don't have a job to go back to. This is your calling. So we're going to figure it out. And even every day, just leaning into that, how can I be more? How can I show up.

As that structured, disciplined, efficient, effective, impactful business leader that I have been called to be? And by knowing that that is a healthy six and that is how I show up in growth. Well, I am all for growth. I'm in growth. I have said yes to growth. And that's what I'm asking. And supporting the women that I coach in. Right. So understanding that just made it so much easier for me to lean in and not worry about is it perfect?

It's still hard. Like one of the things when working with threes like that healthy six, in order to be that healthy six, you have to slow down.

Yes.

And threes don't like that. They're like, hell no. If I slow down, then I won't win. And what I Usually tell them is like, I promise you, you will win, but we're going to slow you down to be able to speed you up so you don't burn your shit out.

Yeah, because I wanted to win. By June 1, I had heard so and so did this within six months in my program. So immediately when I started, I was like, well, I'm going to do that in six months. And that's what's going to happen. No matter what.

No matter what. No matter what.

Slow your role. Like all of this was just divinely orchestrated.

What other areas of your life has integrating this, understanding how else has it affected you?

I understood that.

So I've moved. Ever since I got divorced, it's been four.

I can't keep up. Four years, four and a half years. I don't know. I do know I've moved. This will be my eighth move.

You can't. I don't want to say can't. It's hard to build community when you're moving every six months. I've been in Florida for two and a half years. And.

What I started to recognize too, was my three. That three ness was also showing up, even in relationships. Well, what do they look like? Well, these people aren't perfect or they're not my ideal. So I'm just going to hang out here by myself with my dog and do my business thing and have these virtual relationships. And it's fine. It's fine, right? It's fine. And I recognize that it wasn't fun. Like, that's. That's not what I wanted. And so I'm making another leap. And.

As life would have it, I have probably eight really, really close friends, people that I'm. Women that I'm in relationship with in Charlotte. And I just made a decision like, it's not by the beach. It's not where I normally would have thought of moving to. But I know that this is a time where I'm putting my hand up and I'm saying, I want to be. I want to be a better friend. I want to be better in relationships. I want to be in relationship with people that see me, where I see them, where we can really build and create something meaningful and. And that's important. And integrating this allowed me to make that decision.

This is why threes and eights are a lot of time mistyped as each other. I see a lot of eights that are mistyped as threes and threes that are mistyped as eights for this reason. There's this vulnerability of being exposed and Even though your motives and my motives are completely different, when we raise our hand and say, this is what we want, and. And the chips will fall where they may. That's a super scary thing for a three, especially if it doesn't look perfect. Right. I think when we did our call, you were living in Palm beach, which is like the pretty, pretty place where all the threes live, Right. And now you're in Charlotte.

Well, I'm going to be in three weeks.

I love that. And you already have friends there.

Yeah, all the people.

So one of the things that I talk about are blind spots. And usually our blind spots is where we take out the whipping stick ourselves because we just don't ever see them. And I have used this metaphor before. I don't care if you drive, like, a $300,000 Bentley or a $30,000 Prius. Every car's got a blind spot. Doesn't matter how pretty the car is. And whatever enneagram type you are, you have a blind spot that is unique to you. And.

As long as we know that they're there. Like, your blind spot is. You're going to go into looking for significance versus connection. It's always going to be like, the filter. You're going to have to check the filter and like, oh, am I doing this for significance, or it's because I really, really want to. Right. And for me, it's like, am I doing this so I appear strong or am I just doing this because I want to? Like, I'm always having to check myself. And when we know there's a blind spot there, and yours is always going to have to checking that to be checking that.

Where do you notice? Like, before, it was so autopilot for you to just kind of. Whatever makes me get the yays and the. Your amazings and the spotlight. Where do you notice now that there are some situations that you may have just said yes to for the crack of the three, the blind spot of the three, but now you're like, no, no, I'm not going to do that.

I'm noticing it mostly in how I'm building this business.

Man. I just. I just want to jump ahead a year, two years. I see what other people are doing, and it's like, okay, well, they're a year ahead of me, and I want to shorten this learning curve, so I'm going to do what they do. Even though it doesn'. It doesn't light me up, it doesn't feel good. And what I've started to recognize is, okay, this is The Shira show. This is your joy movement. Joy is your superpower.

It doesn't need to, nor should it look like anyone else's. You have permission.

To move in the direction that feels good in your soul. That's going to allow other women to experience the transformation that you've experienced. And guess what?

It's okay that you don't know exactly what that's going to look like.

We're just going to put one foot in front of the other, and I don't even have words to articulate how uncomfortable that is for me.

I know. I get it.

Like, it is painful, and then it triggers all of my financial securities and insecurities. I should say. Like, it just triggers everything. And so every moment, it gives me an opportunity.

To choose trust again, to choose slowing down to have that awareness. Okay, we're slowing down to speed up. Has there ever been in a time, in the worst moments of my life, has there ever been a time, Shira, where you have not been provided for? Where. Where you have not been? No. Mm. So why would that happen now? And that's when I turn to that crazy little voice in my brain and I say, you shut up. Take a seat.

And then I just keep leaning in.

I'm going to challenge you to that voice. And I, trust me, I used to speak very not so nice to the voice that would try to hold me back and build the story. But that little voice inside of you is just that scared little girl that's still inside of you that feels the need for significance in some way. And so I challenge everyone. Like. Like, that's what I mean by, like, pulling out the shame, whipping stick on ourselves and knowing that there's just this beautiful, blonde, big eyed, beautiful girl inside of you that really believes that in order to be worthy, she needs this significance. And to say, I understand why you want to do it this way, but I'm going to show you that we don't have to be like that anymore and speak kindly to it, because she'll. If you've ever been around toddlers in Target, they will act out till they get their way. And if we talk shitty to them, they will act out even more and flail their whole body. And we don't need a toddler situation happening in the body of Shira. So I. I will just challenge you as you. This is.

This is why we need multiple sessions with Tracy. That being said right now, don't think that one session is going to cut it.

Oh, you're so cute. That being said, as a 30 year personal development junkie who's done all the things and taken the courses and filled the journals and done all of it and consumed a lot of really great information. Like, there's so much great information out there. Why do you believe people should really raise their hand and say, yeah, I'm that person, but I'm not moving the needle, and I don't feel like I'm walking my talk. And why should they dive in to the Enneagram or this kind of work?

How much time do we have? I mean, like, for real, though.

I believe and I'm speaking. I mean, I'd like to speak to women predominantly right now, but it's. But it's everyone. We are. We are under siege.

Right now at this time in our lives. The level of overwhelm, the negative energy, the chaos that we are juggling. And kids are at home. Are they not at home? Are we isolating? Are we not? Are we wearing masks? Are we not. Are we getting a face? And then on top of trying to fit in, how are we caring for ourselves? Like, I just. I don't know how. I pray for people on a daily basis that are doing this alone.

And.

Having this awareness, at least for me.

It gives me information that allows me to show. It allows me to show up more powerfully for myself, more intentionally for myself. And in my little corner of the world, Tracy, I can make an impact.

Yeah.

I may not be able to change the world over here in Palm Beach Gardens, soon to be Charlotte on my own, but I'll tell you what, I can impact my little corner, and that can create a ripple. Yeah.

Don't minimize the compound effect. The compound effect of one penny can be like millions. The compound effect of you touching one person at a time can do the same.

And that's what I was just going to say. There's a ripple effect, and we all. I don't even want to say we have the opportunity. I think we have a responsibility.

Yeah.

To show up for ourselves.

You know, I've been a firm believer of this. Like, had I strolled upon you probably two years ago, wouldn't have been as effective. You would have consumed me and moved on. But I do believe when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And if you're listening to this show right now and you've come across me and you're not sure how I know when Shira booked her session with me, although she was excited to do it, like, a few minutes in, it's like, oh, shit, I better buckle up, because here we go. Like this. This is where the rubber meets the road. And this is. It's scary. It's hard. It's never easy to, you know, especially when you got a couple decades under your belt, to learn and recondition yourself in a new way, especially if it's going to expose some of our vulnerabilities. And I just want to applaud you for your trust in me first and foremost, but your courage and bravery to not just be in this safe container with me where it's real easy to do, but also bringing that light, the real light, not just the showpiece light, that's like, hey, look at me. Not the red dot light, but your true inner, authentic light for the world. So you can light the path for other women, people, anybody you come in contact with. And I know that there's a lot of you listening right now that are like, she is speaking my story. And I know they're going to want to connect with you. So where can people find you?

You can find me on the Gram at Shirajoy spell that S H E I R A Joy J O Y.

I have an immersion experience called Journey to Joy, where women come together. We release.

Old, limiting beliefs that no longer serve us and just step into a new way of being. It's just a beautiful, beautiful space.

All kinds of different ways to work with me. I love helping people, women in particularly in habits and just stepping into their more powerful selves. But the courage.

It's interesting.

You know, in David Hawkins book, Power vs. Force, he assigns, you know, kind of numbers to different emotions. And in any given day, we're operating from a place of fear or faith. And courage is the first rung on that ladder in the. In that step towards faith. And that's all it takes.

Well, courage is the virtue of the enneagram6. So I'm not real surprised by that, that this is kind of what you're putting on display. And not just the pretty polished courage, but the real authentic courage. You guys, if you love this episode, screenshot this, tag us. Let us know what resonated with you, what your aha, golden nugget moment was. Share. What. What's the one thing about the Enneagram? Yes. You said it's trendy, it's fun, it's cutesy, it's cool. What was the biggest surprise you got out of understanding and integrating the Enneagram in your life?

It allowed me to see. It allowed me to see how I was showing up for other people, not just myself. And I. I'm someone who is deeply passionate.

I love that about impacting this world.

Well, you are.

And I can't do that if I'm. If I'm not showing up as my true self. And so that was a gift that you gave me and I will forever be grateful.

I was. You're one of my favorite people to watch and follow because I can see the growth in you. And even though the outside of how you're showing up hasn't changed so much because. Because, I mean, you could play the part, but the energy does not lie around you in this interweb and on the Gram and all the things. So thank you so much. I appreciate you so much. You guys. If you are wanting to dive deeper like this powerhouse did, you can find me on the Gram as well at tracyomalley or you know that you want to do the thing. Let's go. Go to Tracyomalley.com, the work with me section and you too can take the ride of a lifetime.

Run. Do not walk.

Shira. I love you, girl.

I love you too.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@tracyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.