153: The Big NO NO when it comes to the Enneagram

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Do you remember the feeling you had when you first understood your Enneagram type? When you know that you have landed properly and it was like this whole new world opened up to you. I remember you may have heard me mention before, when I was introduced to this 10 years ago, I was mistyped as a 3 according to these assessments. And you know, they're inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. But there's something that happens when you are typed properly and it's like the skies open up and all of a sudden it's like you were given the secret code to understand. And if you're like me, decades of why you are the way you are, and not only that, you start to look yourself through the eyes of honor and compassion instead of shame and guilt and unworthiness. And for me and so many others that I've had the pleasure of working with and helping them discover their true Enneagram type, it feels like you're seen and known for the very first time. It's why a lot of times when people do a typing session with me.

And I'm never surprised by it anymore, because this is how I felt when I understood my Enneagram type. I wish. I wish I had had somebody like me 10 years ago when I was learning this and, you know, integrating this in my life. But there is something so powerful in being seen, heard and understood. And. And most of us haven't felt like that most of our life. And you know, the people we were raised by, the environments we were put in, everybody kind of did the best they could. And that being said, so many of us didn't get what we needed even when they were doing the best we could. So there's somebody looking at you with honor, compassion, zero judgment. There's something powerful that happens. So it's natural to be super excited after you understand your Enneagram type and having this discovery. But that excitement can quickly turn into unhelpful and even damaging behavior if you're not careful. And I see this happen a lot. And, you know, I've even seen people that I have coached and worked through get on the social, social media and start rambling on and on about the Enneagram, which is good. I love the awareness of it. But this is why I have decided to be the leading thought leader on this whole thing. Because it is such a powerful tool and used inaccurately and innocently out of integrity, it can lead people down a shame spiral. It could end up putting labels on people, and Lord knows we have enough of that in the world, right? So understanding that the Enneagram is to be used for our own personal, transformational journey. Unless you're like me, and this is what you do day in and day out and have made it your calling, your mission to educate, not just the information of it, but the integration of it. This is what I have chosen to spend my days doing. Now, you can be a fan and all of that and you can speak it, but it is not your job to go around typing people. For sure. It is your. If you love it and it's impacted you, absolutely continue to talk about it. But lead people to either. There's one of two options. Either start their own discovery journey. It's not your job to say, I think you're this and or I think you're this, or you can lead them to a guide. Because if they have the wrong information and they are passionate about this, you're completely sending them in the wrong direction. So that being said, you know, this is not also a tool. And I get a lot of people that, you know, because I do this in leadership and business, that a lot of people want me to not only help them with their type, but like, the people they love and lead. And this is not your tool to change other people. Right? It is once they have decided and raised their hand and said, this is what I want to learn about myself. Whether it's on their own journey or through somebody like me. Um, how you can best empower them is something different. But a lot of times I'll see this as an innocently, subconsciously, sometimes things that.

You know, you start leading them in a direction that. With your own personal agenda. You know what I'm saying? Because people are made up of more than their personality, a lot more. And there's so many different factors and complexities to the Enneagram that make people more than they're just. They're just main core type. There's wings that come into account. There is the stress that comes out in each type and even the growth that might trigger you in some types. And then there's something called subtypes and our instinctual responses to life. And quite honestly, if you kind of just base people on their Enneagram type and don't take certain components into consideration, this can all backfire on you. So like I said, they're made up of way more than just their personality. So don't assume that because you know a person's Enneagram type, you fully understand them or their range of competencies. Because a lot of times you'll pigeonhole people based on their type and the stereotypes that you may think you understand fully. But like I said, all these moving parts to each type isn't, unless this is your expertise, isn't yours to start dictating to people or putting people in the box. The whole thing about the Enneagram and why I'm so passionate about it is to help help people get out of the box that they have put themselves in and the world has put them in. So if you start kind of playing dictator Enneagram guru, and you don't know all the ins and outs of them or their core motive or the real thing behind that, you're going to do more harm than good. Now, that being said, taking you back about a decade when I started using this in my business and in my family, here's the difference. I didn't start pointing at people and telling them what type they were. I didn't do that to my children. I didn't do it to the thousands and thousands of people I have empowered and led along the years. Even my top leaders in one of my organizations, I never once looked at them and said, you are an Enneagram blank. Never. What I did do, and this is how to use this in integrity, is to ask the right questions because you genuinely give a shit about people and you want to know how to bring out the best in them for them, not your own personal agenda. And you'll know when you land. You'll know when you land. And you don't ever have to say a word. For the first five years that I have been using and integrating the Enneagram, I never once told anyone, and I've worked with thousands of people, never once told anyone what their Enneagram type was. And those of you that are Listening that have been around me for the last 10 years know this to be true, right? It is asking curiosity questions. And you may not land exactly on the right Enneagram type in this. Curiosity questions. That's why so many of you just want to like go in hot and find out what they are, because you think you've got some secret code. But there's so many complexities to this.

So, for example, just because somebody is like an Enneagram one doesn't mean that they are necessarily a perfectionist organizational guru. And you just make them in charge of all those things. And it doesn't mean that if somebody's an enneagram 4 that they can't succeed in something technical or a 5 just wants to be solo and they're just don't label them even more with an introverted label. Like you don't want to feed into necessarily the unhealthy parts of them either, or that A9 can't thrive when there's fast paced action going on. Now, I'm not saying to completely disregard their personality, right? But it's not a label system and it is not your job to do this for them. You can use the Enneagram very, very, very, very effectively without knowing somebody's Enneagram type. But you have to understand that you want to bring out the best in them and not for your own personal gain. You know, when I think back to my children, they were 14 and 15 at the time when I was learning and understanding and integrating the Enneagram in their life. And honestly, they did not even know the word until they were 18 and 19. Never even heard of it. And for those four or five years, I had been really speaking as though, you know, I knew I had had one in the heart triad at the heart center of intelligence. I knew my son definitely was a 2, 3 or 4. And I knew my daughter absolutely was a 5. She wasn't a 5. She was either a 6 or a 7 or possibly some 8 tendencies. But you know, she was very different from me. So I knew she probably wasn't an 8. So that left me with 2. So I just started speaking as though speaking to them. And then, you know, there's something that happens when you see the lights go off and, and you get that look from somebody. They're like, it's. It's like you're reading my mind. And that's how I knew I landed on my kids types. And like I said, I didn't tell them, oh, you're an enneagram 2. Oh, you're an enneagram 7. I just spoke to their strengths. I stroked to their superpowers. I spoke to.

Their core fears as though I understood them. I stopped taking things personal when they were under stress because I recognize it was their stress and it wasn't personal. And that builds credibility and trust within my family overnight. Overnight. Not once saying, hey, you're an enneagram 2, hey, you're an enneagram 7. Same thing in my business. I have an organization in one of my businesses, over 110,000 people. There are seven millionaires developed in that organization that represent around five different enneagram types. Not one. During that build, did any of them ever hear me say, you are an Enneagram xyz. But I spoke to them. I spoke to the things that motivated them. And none of them are an enneagram 8, by the way. And so that required me to not make it about me, because if I spoke to everyone like they were me, none of this would be effective. In fact, prior to 10 years ago, it's no wonder that I had a hard time communicating with most people unless they were innate. Right? So the Enneagram is an incredible tool to help you better understand those around you and deepen your relationships. You don't necessarily have to go typing everyone. Now, I will recommend that you guide them to me and let me, you know, you can explain the Enneagram and, you know, you can talk about your experience with it. And if they're curious and if they're definitely wanting to know more, send them to a guide that does this day in and day out. That's the responsible thing to do. Or send them on their own personal journey. You could even send them to this podcast, right? Because that will allow them to raise their hand and say, I'm willing to. It's just like offering advice or an opinion. You know, I am very opinionated, naturally. But I have learned how to ask for permission first. Same thing with the Enneagram. Even if you ask them permission to type them, please do not. That's irresponsible. But you can guide them to the resources, to this podcast or to me, so that I can guide them effectively and they'll be more receptive to you. Because when they're in the hands of someone that is very. Not only professional and compassionate and has no skin in their game, it will actually build more credibility and trust for you. Right? So the key to this, though, and a lot of people will go around, you know, typing people because you don't want to look in Your own mirror sometimes. Even if you are an Enneagram fan. Right? The reason I was as effective as I am, first in my family, then in my businesses, and now here, day in and day out with you, is because my own personal work always comes first. Just because I know this in and out doesn't mean I don't have my own work to continuously do. And until your time on earth is done, you have work to learn about yourself. Just yesterday I had new aha moments about me and my. My eightness and my fiveness, which is my stress number. I am constantly learning. And the reason I am effective is because I put my own work first so that I can effect lead you. And so I will encourage you if you are somebody who loves the Enneagram and has gone on your own journey and you are typed properly, continue to do your work. And when you do your work and you have full awareness of how other people may interpret or experience you, you will realize that you have less of a need to go around typing everyone else. You will look at people with compassion and curiosity and genuinely give a fuckness and. And that speaks volumes. So I want you to notice as certain things about people or frustrations and pet peeves about, you know, people you work with, people that you live with, people that you lead, people that you're friends with. I want you to. Whenever you're triggered or something bothers you, I want you to think of this. If I spot it, I got it. And that's when we turn the mirror around and the intention back to you and ask how you can grow into a more compassionate, honorable, healthy human being. Because when we are able to own our shit and turn it around, because all triggers are is an opportunity for growth. Anytime something feels personal, very rarely is it. Now there are some asshole people out there for sure, but very rarely when we are triggered or a pet peeve happens or we're irritated, very rarely is it personal. It feels personal. But it is an opportunity to turn the mirror around and grow ourselves. So this is your little bit of.

You know, scolding, so to speak, or just keep yourself in check. This is a beautiful, beautiful tool. And sometimes when it's used out of integrity, you turn people off from a very tool that can actually help them change their life. I was in safe hands when I was introduced to the Enneagram. And had it been introduced to me in any other way or somebody was pointing a finger at me, this looks very different. And I wouldn't be able to be here helping you on your discovery process. To get to your soul's calling and the calling that's on your life in the most beautiful, honorable, loving, impactful.

Gorgeous, soulful way. And so please share this episode with somebody People who love the Enneagram, people who are new to it. It is the greatest tool I have ever used in all the 20 years I have been chipping away on my personal development journey and I encourage you to do the same. Keep leading people to this podcast. It would mean the world to me if you shared this. If you are loving what I am bringing to the world and to your heart, it would mean a lot to me if you went and left a review at any of the platforms that you are listening. Spotify, Apple ipod, Apple podcasts, itunes, all the things. I would love to hear what you're thinking. And even if you hate me and hate my quirks and the way that I talk and I say a lot and I snap my gums or whatever the hell I do that irritates you, I want to hear that too. In fact, I've even seen some of those reviews. So I'm all here for it. I'm here for all of it because I'm constantly growing too. I am just bringing what I have learned along the way and lighting the path so that you can step into what you're here to do too.

Share this with someone you love. I would love to hear what you're thinking about the Enneagram and your journey on this discovery process for you. And until next time, here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it. And tag me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profit and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.