24: How the Enneagram can help you grow as a leader to improve conflict resolution

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley.

I'm a mom to millennials, an author.

Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur.

And master performance and business coach.

I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in.

The ass, you will discover that here.

Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof.

Buckle up, let's go.

Episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today we are talking about conflict and conflict resolution. This is something that is probably one of the things I'm asked most about. And you know, resolving conflict in our homes, resolving conflict amongst teams in business, organization and, and this is probably one of the most important lessons to really learn. And you know, before we just try to make everybody understand us, you have to understand yourself first. And, you know, if you think back to the last time you got into a conflict, did maybe you see the situation one way while the other person had a completely different way of looking at things, like, all the time, right? I know maybe you wanted to work things out logically, but the other person kept telling you to look on the bright side or asking you how you felt about the issue. Or maybe it was the other way around. Or maybe they kept saying, you know, don't make such a big deal about this. And, you know, as that's happening, you could feel like it bubbling up inside you, Right? Yeah, I hear you. No matter how much we work on ourselves, sometimes, sometimes unavoidable challenges, breakdowns in communication, misunderstandings can all lead to conflict with other people. But I'm here to tell you this, guys, like, pay attention. Conflict isn't always bad, right? Conflict isn't always bad. Some of us thrive on conflict, right? Like, give me some conflict, push my back up against the wall and I can get shit done. Some of you avoid it like the plague, right? Will run and hide and bury your head so fast. Now there's this beautiful place in the middle, right? Conflict isn't always bad. It actually can empower parties and people involved to increase their understanding of each other and move forward in a way that benefits everyone. You hear me say all the time, when people are seen, heard and understood that's where the sweet spot is. It's where the secret sauce is. And when we can understand compassionately each other and move forward, it's a win, win. And I'm here to tell you that I'm guessing, if you're listening to me, you're all about the win, win. In order to keep conflict positive though, and solution focused, it's helpful to learn how others react under stress first. You got to understand how you react under stress. Right. And that's why it's so important to really deep dive into your Enneagram type. And you know, I know you've heard me talk about the tests out there, they're so inaccurate. How do you find the right. Yes, it can be a very long process. I've heard some of the experts in the field of the Enneagram tell me it's taken them 10 months to a year to really nail down their Enneagram type. And I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to take that long. This is my zone of genius. If you are wanting to really make sure you have your type right so you have the right information so you can move forward more effectively, please reach out to me. You can find me on Instagram, obviously slide into my DMs, you can go to Tracyomalley.com under the Work with Me tab and we can nail this out. It's not that hard. It's not so painful. It's actually very freeing. Right. But it's really important to understand how others react when you're under stress and how others react under their own stress.

So there's borrowing ideas from psychology, Don Riso and Russ Hudson, who are, you know, these.

High level Enneagram experts, they go way back, identified three harmonic groups, which are clusters of personality types that react in certain ways when facing conflict. Right. So I'm going to give you a brief kind of like rundown of the harmonic groups with ideas for resolving differences with people of every style. So there's three different groups, right? Like there's, you've heard me talk about, like there's the Centers of Intelligence triad, you know, the Head, the heart and the body. Well, with the harmonic groups, there are three different areas. The Positive Outlook Triad, the Competency Triad, and like the Emotional Realness kind of triad. And three types fall into each one of those categories. So for the Positive Outlook triad, the types that fall into this category are types 2, the helper type 7, the enthusiast, and type 9, the peacemaker. Now, if you are one of those types, how you Kind of like handle things when facing conflict is you want to look on the rosy side of things. So when in conflict, your first instinct is to avoid sweating the small stuff and to look at the best possible outcome. At the high side of this style, positive outlook types frame challenges into a broader context. You assist others in seeing when conflicts do and don't need to be addressed. The challenge is, is that sometimes people who use this dominant style avoid actively addressing conflicts when necessary, which actually, you guys know, if you bury your head in the sand long enough, it actually causes the conflict to grow bigger. So the positive outlook types benefit from having teammates frame conflicts in a positive way, including showing how, like, let's just immediately address this and it will help the bigger picture. I'm raising a two and a seven, so I have to do this quite a bit in our house. You know, for a long time they're just like, nah, it's all good, it's all good. It's like, no, no, no, let's just handle this now. Let's rip off the band aid. I promise you it helps in the bigger picture. So the twos, the sevens, nines, fall into the positive outlook triad, which is nice. Like, this is an important thing. Like, looking at the positive things of things is really, really important. But it's important to be careful that we aren't putting our head in the sand, right? So the competency triad, which, you know, these are enneagram types. One, the reformer perfectionist, three, the achiever, and the five, the investigator. If you fall into this category, you want to solve problems using objectivity. When in conflict, your first instinct is to use logic and analysis to discuss and solve the challenge, right? You don't want to get into the feels at all.

Right? You just want to use logic at your best. When you're in this style, it keeps the focus of the team, keeps the focus of the team on the problem, quickly identifies and implements a great solution to the conflict. So that's really, really great. When you guys are at your best and it's like, okay, let's get out of the emotion. Because we know sometimes emotions can run this thing off the road. So it's good. Sometimes when you are, like, more analytical, however, the challenge is that sometimes those of you that fall into this category, when you use this dominant style, you can get bogged down in details. You can cause overly long discussions and solutions that miss the big picture, right? Competency types benefit from having teammates bring in the broader picture and emotional weight that any decision carries. So it's really Great. Like if you've got a team of people, one in each of these triads working together, as long as we're healthy and we're all for the greatest good and the bigger picture, like this is where it becomes bulletproof, you guys. So having teammates, if you're in the competency triad, that bring the broader picture and emotional weight that any decision carries.

By describing it in a solution oriented manner. All right, so my fellow emotional realness people, these are enneagram types 4, 6 and 8. So fours, you guys are the individualist 6, the loyalists 8. My fellow challengers, we want to address the underlying emotional dynamics of problems. Like we're like getting messy. We're like, dig in, let's do the thing, right? Your first instinct in a conflict situation is to express feelings both positive and negative, right? The four sixes and eights can be highly emotional and to learn the feelings of others involved, like, this is like, like when we're not on point, this is where we can kind of get into trouble, right? But when it's used well, when we are using the emotional realness in a positive way, all parties can quickly learn where the other stands. So there's like no bullshit. This is a good thing sometimes, right? You can learn where other stands and proceed to a resolution.

Resolution, win, win for everybody that takes into account everyone's desires and goals, right? Where those of us in the emotional realness triad challenge, where we're challenged is that sometimes those of us that use this dominant style can get caught in a never ending loop of expressing emotions without actually coming to a solution. There's a lot of energy and it can get heated or it can get really like tear shed, right? But the goal is to come to a solution where everybody's seen, heard and understood.

Those of us that are in this triad really can move the needle fast if we can kind of get out of our own way. So the emotional realness types, you benefit from having teammates disclose their honest feelings in a manner appropriate to the situation, while also steering the conversation to find a resolution. And like with all three of these groups, if we can always remember what's in it for the greater, bigger picture, how is it a win win for everyone?

Right? Like that's where magic happens. So in each of these harmonic groups, at your highest level of expression, it brings gifts to conflict resolution. This group, like the harmonic groups, is where people really feel seen, heard and understood. Because this is how we address conflict, right? When we're healthy and we are coming from a place of okay, how can this Be beneficial for everyone. Because remember I said conflict isn't bad always.

The more we can understand each other, the more we can move the needle for the greatest good, right? So like I said, it brings gifts to conflict resolution. The highest mode of conflict resolution involves using all three styles, right? So drawing on the strengths of your own style while also integrating the gifts of the other two. Because I'm an emotional person, I love having analytical people. I love having positive people. It's really important when I can kind of go in the weeds of emotions to have those strengths around me and because I'm open to it and know that it's not a threat, right? That's where we get into trouble with conflict resolution is we feel threatened or we feel like we need to be right to be heard, seen and understood. And it isn't that way. So drawing on the strengths of your own style while integrating the gifts of the other two, that's where you're bulletproof, you guys. And as you learn to use conflict resolution strategies that don't come as naturally to you, you will bring smoother sailing to life's challenges. And I am reckoned to believe that we all want to work smarter, not harder, right? Look at what's in it for them when we're, when we're addressing conflict, remember, it isn't bad. It isn't all bad. The problem is most of us grew up with a lot of conflict. And how we saw that play out built up our defense mechanisms and our coping mechanisms that got us through. But they don't serve what our mission is today, whether it's in our homes or in our businesses. So really my advice to you, like I said, is knowing your type and knowing it right, reach out to me. I would love to do a typing session with you that goes in depth. I give you lots of great tools and information so you have the proper information to really move forward in your own conflict resolution, in your life, in your own way that you show up and lead in your homes and in your businesses. It's so, so important. And I would love to tackle that with you. You don't have to take a year to do it. We can nail that together. And if you are on this journey on your own, that's okay too. It is a self exploration process that really never ends. I learn more about myself as a challenger every single day. Every kind of communication I have, every conversation I have, any kind of conflict I have, I learn more and more and more about myself. And the more I have a deeper understanding of myself, the more I can deeply understand others. So before you go and try to figure out everybody else, I'm going to encourage you to really learn about yourself. And I would love to help you do that. If this episode has landed on your heart, and I know conflict resolution is a big one out there in corporate America, I love going into corporate places. And if you are somebody who runs HR or operations in a business, I would love to come in and do a workshop for your organization so you guys can really communicate better. Because conflict is going to happen, right? But if this landed on your heart, please share this. I know that somebody else may need to hear this message today. Lord knows I could have used it over a decade ago. I wish there was somebody talking about this kind of thing in a way that wasn't so freaking overwhelming. And it doesn't have to be y'. All. And I'm here to continue to bring you this information that will help you grow as a human being, as a leader in your home and in your organization. And just. Just have you go into bed at night feeling really damn good about yourself. Because at the end of the day, I want you to know that you are pretty freaking special just because you're you. You really, really are. You don't have to be anybody else but you. But if this episode landed on your heart, please share it. I would love to hear. If you screenshot this and share it, tag me in this so I can know what's landing on your heart and I can bring you more of that. Until next time, here's to becoming Bulletproof, y'. All.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bull Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean.

A lot to me if you shared it.

And tag me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@training traciomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.