27: How to lead first by example and get paid your worth With Olenka Cullinan

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up, let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And I can already feel the heat coming off my body right now because this is going to be a fiery, fun, real, no bullshit kind of conversation. And you guys know me, at least most of you do. If you've known me for any length of time, you know I am not easily impressed. I am no bullshit. And that's pretty much how I roll. You know, I'm pushing 50, so, you know, I don't have time for bullshit in my life. And the guest I'm bringing you today, I, you know, we've been running around the same kind of circle for, God, maybe three, four years now. And you know, we've seen each other across the room, we always are really nice to each other, but we've never really had a deep conversation until a couple weeks ago. And everybody kept telling me, you got to meet her, you got to meet her. And I didn't know it, but people were telling her the same thing. And sure enough, she reached out a couple weeks ago. And I gotta tell you, I haven't had a quality conversation like that with another woman in a very ever. Okay, we'll just say ever. Especially around business. There's probably only one other person in my life that I would talk like that with. And this beautiful beauty showed up and I was like, oh, shit, I just met my match and I fucking love it. I fucking love this. It was like, you know, nobody else existed. It was so great. But Olenka started a business recently in the last few years called I Start First. She's got so much history and we're going to talk about it like she's a corporate speaker, she's done TEDx. She goes into top organizations all over the country. Last year, I think she said she traveled to 152 different kind of speaking gigs. So she knows how to work a room and transform a room, she's developed methods and systems, and she knows how to scale businesses. She's from Russia, and let me tell you, her grandmother's nickname was the General, and mom was second in command. So you want to talk about, like a type, a masculine energy woman, however, you know, like me, because I kind of have that energy as well. The two of us have been exposed to the feminine side of women, and that's kind of where we actually found most of our power and strength. And a few years ago, she was noticing that there was something missing in this space of personal development specifically for women. And she realized, well, if it's not out there, then I have to start first, right? And any good leader has had to go first at some point, whether it's the leader in your home, which I've had to do, a leader in business, whatever industry you're in. And so Olenka started the I Start first movement, which is now a business, an event, a mastermind, a community, and my goodness, what a powerhouse this woman is. And I know that we live in the world of like, the online coach and all that, and that's great, but this woman knows how to scale any business. Not just an online coaching business, not just the booty popping kind of thing on Instagram. Like, this woman knows business. Her mom was a tycoon. I don't know if that's the right word for it, but, like in our conversation, like, oh, mom's a badass. And at the age of, I think it was like 16, 17, Alenka was negotiating deals for her mother, right? So this woman knows what's up. Knows what's up. And this is gonna be a really fireball kind of conversation that I know a lot of you need to hear. There's going to be no bullshit. We are not sugar, sugar gonna. We're not gonna sugarcoat anything. Just so you know, if you got kids around, you may wanna put earmuffs on because we both have potty mouths a little bit. It may or may not come out. Just wanted to warn you, but I wanted to. I wanted you guys to meet this woman. She is a dynamo. She's become a friend. And God, what an honor to know you and to bring her to all of you. Olenka, hi.

God, I literally. I fainted already in my chair. The Tracy Amali is giving me this introduction. God, I am for you. It was truly a divine meeting. Like you said, I could not be More grateful to be here with all your tribe listening. I mean, you guys are not even ready because I know the type of conversation we're going to have and yes, it was everything and then some. Just getting to know your story and being able to, you know, compare notes, be real, be vulnerable and share it just from the heart. So thank you for having me. So, so much. I'm excited.

You know what, I'm going to be really transparent with you because I mean, the way that you have spoken to me and of me, it humbles me so much that you see what you see in me because I get what you mean when you say what you see in me, but when it comes to what I see in you, like you have everything I don't. In a lot of ways we're similar in a lot of ways. But then you have this brilliant methodology about you that I lack. I'm an instinctual person where you automatically go into like structure and strategy and I'm obsessed with it. It's probably why, you know, my, my closest friend is like that too.

Yeah.

Where I can operate on instinct and for somebody maybe like you and her, that doesn't come as natural. So where this scalability and this business mind of yours and you guys, it's. It's one of the most brilliant minds I've ever heard when it comes to business and you know, I don't throw that around lightly.

Thank you.

Being raised by the mom that you were and we can go back there like, is that where it all started early on?

Yeah, honestly, it did. And my father was even more just to give you guys the duality about my life. So my mother was a die hard entrepreneur, built the company, ran it for 37 years. You know, her excuse to everybody was, you can't tell me. No, it doesn't work because she's pretty much done every job in her company, so. And then my dad was super conservative government official, so I got to see both sides of the things. Right. Somebody who is super by the book, very regulated and then mom, who is constantly out on the limb, works 80 hours a week. And to give you all like, you know, I'm sure a lot of you go in, oh, that's great, Olenka. You know, you got all of this from your mother and all these tools and strategies which is. It is great. Trust me, I'm very grateful for that. But you also need to know that when I was five and we were going around kindergarten circle in my kindergarten writing letters to Santa, I was the one child who wrote, I Wish I could have my mom for Christmas. So that should tell you the relationship with my mother in my early years, you know, because she was in a building stage. But yes, my mom is very much. You know, we'll cry. I'll cry with you on your shoulder and eat ice cream. But first tell me how you're going to deal with numbers.

So I kind of. Not by choice, but truly because of osmosis and being around that, grew up this very same way. It was strategy, it was, how do we make this work? Resources. You know, my mom lived through 90s, you know, Russia in the 90s, which wasn't the most extraordinary of experiences. I got to experience that too, when the country was essentially falling apart and you had. So you never had enough resources and you had to get very, very strategic and clear to build the most unlimited amount of resources you have. So I think that definitely comes from that. You know, I'm scrappy.

I'm scrappy. Oh, yeah, yeah.

There is no doubt about that. Yeah. So it was learning.

So I know, like, you know, I've done lots of work with people and I, you know, when people. And my mom was kind of emotionally abandoning of me, too. Very different, like, very different than your mom. But it's still like that, that our mothers are here to teach us, A, how to be a woman and B, what we can expect from women. Right. And with your mom not present, you know, a little bit later, she was present, obviously, because through osmosis, like you said, you were kind of thrown to the wolves a little bit. And it's a blessing. And, you know, you've never really had that mom kind of thing. And, you know, and also what you could expect from women, like, they're these cutthroat, I'll walk all over you to get it done. Right. So at 17, when you're negotiating deals, how did that happen? And then what did you do? Do moving after that?

Yes. So, yeah, So I started working with my mom at 14, and she essentially should never admit that, but that's the reason I speak English so well, because she hired. She hired me a tutor since I was 7. And so by the time I was 14, we flew all over Europe. And that's when, you know, Russia in the 90s happened. She was having struggles in her company, but then also my parents went for a really horrible divorce. As it's no secret, and I'm going to talk about it super openly, when you have a very strong female with a man who is not as strong, at some point, they're Just going to drive over them. And that's what she did with my dad. And so because they went through that horrible divorce and I first, you know, I already had enough language. There was an exchange program and I happened to enter into that and it was a lottery and I ended up in Iowa out of all places. You know, when I came at 16, you know, I didn't grow up in a super big town in Russia with my grandparents, but then we moved with my parents into the city. So it was definitely an interesting change of pace, but it was also like IO I still consider it my home state in the US and it was very calm and quiet, but I had an amazing school. So I was a camp counselor for a couple of years and then transferred and went to get my bachelor's degree there. And the reason I did that and it worked again, because I borrowed $450 from my uncle, got on the plane, met a girl on the plane who also happened to have few hundred dollars and literally with her money we got the tiniest apartment. And with my money we bought the trashiest of cars. I mean, talk about killing your ego in point three seconds. It was mostly the color of rust. By the time we, I mean, we were not cool. That's what.

Especially in the Midwest, man.

In the Midwest, yes. Yes it was. And so it was a very quick growing up. But it gave me that one perspective that, you know, whatever I wanted to do and achieve in my life, this was the country where I could do it on my own. And Russia I couldn't because you had to know somebody. You had to have the bribes and the money for people to pay for you. And even though my mom obviously was super upset, I was like, well, that's my way of paving my own way. And it was a crazy ride. I mean, talk about apartment furnished, of goodwill, asking people for help all the time. Working three jobs, I put myself for school. I didn't have student loans, graduating, which was amazing, but I would never do it again. I mean, working 90 hours a week is not that much fun. I literally worked three jobs and it was all great experience. And the reason I came to Arizona was because one of the universities hired me. And that's where I also met my ex husband. But you know, go in through all that, I very quickly realized that yes, if I just keep the strategy and put enough work in, I can actually turn my life into whatever I want it to be.

So when you were a college student in the cornfields of Iowa, which is hilarious, I love it. With two Colombian Roommates, which is hilarious. Like, two Colombians and a Russian end up in a cornfield in Iowa.

Right.

Like, seriously, there has to be a movie made about your life, because this would be amazing. And, you know, when you're in school in Iowa, what did you see for your future as far? Did you know for sure you'd be in business of some sort, or did you want something different?

Yeah, no, I wanted to do nothing, actually. I didn't want anything to do with business. So my brother and I made a pact that we're not gonna take over my mom's company, which is very funny because both of us run our own business at this point. But, you know, she. So my brother went to the Arm, and I decided to be a teacher. And so that's a degree I chose well. I went a little. I wasn't, like, too crazy to go straight into teaching, so I did. Actually, it was English communication and minor in teaching, so. But my plan was fully to go into teaching. And that's how it happened when I, you know, University of Arizona brought me on board and they said, hey. They basically, as I was planning to do my master's, and they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. They said we would cover your master's program if you move to Arizona and help us teach, you know, level two Russian. And then they gave you some prerequisites. So I was fully planning to teach for academia, and I did that for a couple of years. And then as I got married, we moved to Phoenix, where nobody was hiring in higher ed. And I ended up, if you are in Phoenix, you know of a neighborhood at 32nd street and Van Buren, we're talking about very low poverty driven, zero. Like, these kids have zero support. And I was in a county school, which, for anybody who knows education, that means we get everybody who doesn't who is not wanted by anybody else. So I was literally running my own own version of Freedom Writers. But it was amazing because, honestly, because of those kids and watching them and them asking me, how did you do all this? This is not your first language. You came here with no support. You borrowed $450 from your uncle. And by the way, if you know my uncle, I paid him back with percentages. Of course you did. Yeah. And so being in that school, that's what prompted me to start my first company, Rising Tycoons. Because I thought, what can I give to these kids? Because math and science is not going to do. Teaching them Shakespeare is not going to do that. They have zero support system. So I created a program that later became Rising Tycoons. But we essentially taught this kids life skills. We taught them, how do you take idea and make it marketable? How do you go to the biggest person in the room and ask for help? How do you figure out what you need, what skills you need? And I'm talking soft skills. Communication, collaboration, understanding how. I mean, this kid is street smart. Most of them are. So it was just taking them and giving them a little bit more elevated skills. And because of that, my reading scores went up 22% in the classroom. But I wasn't doing it for reading skills. I was doing it because I wanted to give them a chance. And from that point I started building up Rising Tycoons. And Gateway Community College, which is a local community college, brought me on board. I stayed with them. And then three years into that, I made a leap on my own and said, I want to inspire more kids. Which turned into insanity because we put over 10,000 kids, 1500 educators through my program in three and a half years. I mean, talk about scaling. It was insanity, but it was most incredibly rewarding ride, which also proved me something that I already knew. Like you said, you're an intuitive, intuitive person. I knew that intuitively that if you give anybody skills, then success is learnable too.

I remember when you were telling me the story about the rising Tycoons and I got goosebumps all over and you know, inner city or not, I believe every educational system today, this needs to be taught.

Like, sure.

Like, seriously, I don't give it. I get sciences and all that's really important. But like, this is the important stuff.

Yes.

To move not only people's lives for, but our country, you know, the, you know, economic system, everything. And I love when I, when I heard the name, I'm like, oh my gosh, that's a brilliant name. And where it came from was, yeah.

It'S an eighth grader. Yes, the girl. So she was actually, she went from being an 8th grader and I was her teacher all the way to being my assistant now one of my closest friends. She literally stayed with me from 8th grade till the time she turned 26. In the process of that, she battled cancer. We raised money for her to beat cancer. Now she's happily married. She's incredible. But I mean, think about a trajectory of a child who is ready to quit school, which she was doing. I literally caught her in a hallway and I said, where are you going? She said, I am done. This is not the place for me. I have anger issues. I fight with everybody. I'm done. And she was literally ready to walk out. And I locked her in the classroom quite physically. And I said, you're not leaving. We're going to figure this out. You're one of the most brilliant kids I know. You are absolutely brilliant. And she, to this day, will say that I saved her life, because she said, you were the first person who told me I was brilliant.

I don't even know if you understand, like.

How powerful that is. I know that you would have died for a woman like that in your life at that age, and I would, too. And I know that's why you do what you do. But I am getting, like, 50 shades of choked up right now just thinking about, like, can you even imagine somebody saying that to you at that age?

Yeah. Like, no. I mean, yeah. And I honestly. I literally. I was thinking to all these girls, you know, honestly, and all these students I got to work with, and I thought, you know, it's so fucking. I'm sorry. I was gonna swear, yeah, we're doing it. But it's so fucking little that they need sometimes, you know, it's really not math and science. And I would battle any educator in this country. Like, it's internal work. And you know that better than anybody because you do it with adults. But imagine doing it with students. Imagine giving them that glimpse into what possibility looks like, because most of them literally shut down their success, you know, even trajectory or perception, because they truly feel that nobody ever looked at them as brilliant or as amazing or as talented. And I looked at every kid that walked into my program or my classroom as who they can be. Not who they are right now, but who they can be. And that is a huge difference. And when people feel that, and I did exactly what I wish, and you see, my grandfather, I shared a little bit with you, and I think that side of me truly comes from him, because my grandfather was like that. He was my mom that I didn't have. He looked at me and daily and hourly. And as long as he saw me. He passed away when he was 86. He kept. Always. Always told me, you're brilliant, you're beautiful, you're smart. You can do anything. You have to believe in yourself. You put your mind to it, and you get through everything. Like this was his message from the Littlest, I remember. And it's funny, because when I was little, my grandfather appointed me a principal of a school. We did. We literally played school together. And I think. But that message that he drove in me was what I was passing along to these kids because I truly believed that I wanted to be for them what I wish, like you said I had when I was younger.

You know, you know how I feel about this. I believe that when people are seen, heard and understood.

Yeah.

The possibilities are endless for what they're capable of. And I think that is the only thing in this world holding people back is, you know, most of us weren't seen and heard and understood for who we truly are at our authentic self. And that's where all the masks and coping, you know, compensatory strategies come in. And. And I love that you did that for all those kids.

Yeah.

And as you're doing that, I know that business moved out of that and you. That teaching was that hard to do.

Honestly, no. Because for most teachers, if they are listening, they will relate. The higher you progress in your teaching career, the less you teach. Unfortunately, we get bombarded with paperwork. And honestly, by the end of it, I felt like I was just pushing paperwork. I was so little in the classroom. I was in committees that were made up for committees where you needed a form to ask for a form. And it was truly turning into that paper churning. And I didn't enjoy that. So it was not. Did I feel bad leaving my kids in the classroom? Yes, a little bit. But I just knew that the impact that I could create was so much bigger and I could truly have so many. Like I remember, you know, when. So in the process of rising tycoons, we launched India in the Philippines. And when we went to India and we were pitching, I had a partner in India who was pitching in the schools and she would send me videos. And I remember when she sent me that first video of kids from a very poverty driven district. If you've never been to India, it's literally complete juxtaposition. You'll have like Marriott and Exevate is a hut that has no doors or windows. It's made out of dirt. It's very. It's a very dual country. But I remember when she sent me pictures of all these kids looking on a. Sitting on a dirt floor, no air conditioning, 83 degrees. And she's telling them of a program. And Tracy, if you saw their faces, I was like, I will get on the plane tomorrow and I will be there. I don't care what we have to do because they literally did not move. They were eating words out of her mouth. Going there to see them was the most extraordinary experience. And I got to see so many incredible kids that I would come back here And I had some affluent kids and I would tell them that, you know, I would just tell them stories. I didn't have to teach them anything. I remember when I first put the kids from India on a zoom call with a classroom here in Arizona with a super affluent school. And one of the boys was telling them a story how he walks about two miles to school every single day and he doesn't because one of the kids here complained that his WI fi was not working out loud on the call. And I remember that boy, you know, through the zoom or whatever, we were impossibly on Skype, but on camera he said, you know, don't worry about it. He goes, you know, my shoes broke and I have to work to school. I have to walk to school for two miles tomorrow. And the kids were like, what do you mean walk? Like, don't you have a car? And he's like, no. And I mean like, you could hear the pin drop. And I looked at their teacher and I said, you know, there's nothing you and I could ever say to them that they just learned in this moment, right now, just from this conversation, there is no book, no magazine, no article, no YouTube video we could give them. That just created an impact for this kid with his Wi Fi issue, that he now had a whole new perspective. And I truly feel that that's where we lack. Like, part of the reason I think our education is so boxed up is because we don't teach them compassion. We don't teach them understanding of what the real world is like, what's out there, what do they get know to experience? And so yeah, it wasn't hard to leave teaching for that reason because I knew the possibilities were endless. And that's how I learned also in the process that we had issues with women, you know, because I had 14, 17, 18 year olds and our first two years we had no girls. And I was like, how is that we have no girls in this program? And then I went to ACU and became a venture mentor. And out of 189 students, 167 of them were men. And I said, okay, so now we have the same issue with 20 some year olds. And then you walk into rooms and you've been to conferences, you've been to corporate trainings, and I don't dis by any means. I am supportive of anybody who's putting work in. And if men are brilliant, they deserve the C level status and positions and everything they have. But the fact that we have so many men and so few women, I Mean, I remember going to yes, Phoenix, the biggest entrepreneurship group here, here. And I went to the winter social where there were like 20 women in the room of like 200 men. And I was like, whoa, this is insane. Like, what is, what is that we are not doing? And that's how, you know, it became my personal quest because I was horrified. Like, I did not know how to work with women myself. And I show. I shared that with you. I was scared. Like, I was scared. I was faking it. I was basically going, let's hope nobody shows up. Like I told you for my first event, we didn't even market well.

And it's, it's interesting because you and I have been in predominantly male dominated businesses most of our life. And even though we're both very feminine looking women, I mean, very feminine looking, you walk into a room of men, like, I have and you have. There's no hiding in that room. And even though we're horrified that where are all the women, part of us is like, yeah, I'm the power woman. And we're very familiar. Familiar with masculine energy. Right.

Yeah.

And I know that you had this calling, like, I did like, okay. But I'm still a woman. I'm still a woman. And even though it hasn't been modeled for me, that feminine side of a woman.

Yeah.

I'm craving it. And I know that you did too. And so I know, like on paper, both of us are probably least likely to work with women.

Yeah.

And be like this power feminine kind of like energy. But with a lot of fuck you and us too, we've got that too. If we need to pull it out, like, we can easily. So where does this like, inner drive come then all of a sudden? Where I want to create something that isn't out there. Clearly, other than rah rah hypey shit. We've talked a lot about that. Yeah, they're beautiful on Instagram, don't get me wrong. But they're not really teaching women.

How to really do business.

Right. Right. And that's honestly, I think it was a struggle at the beginning for sure. I'm being super transparent because on one hand I just wanted to like, be like, I don't get it, like how this is business. Like, suck it up, get a Kleenex and power through this. But then you and I also talked about it that most women do not relate to that method methodology at all. And so I put it insane amount of work and I'm proud of it. I stand behind it and I still do. But I've done everything from going to ashram and India and understanding meditation and looking inside and dealing with my own shit basically, and, you know, dealing with an understanding that yes, it is not my fault that my mom and my grandmother were not the females, and I wish they were, but they were different type of female. But again, I learned to see that both sides have extraordinary qualities. It's okay to know how to be a powerful female. And like you said, pull the fuck you when you need that. But you also operate very different on a feminine energy. And I wanted to learn that. But then a lot of women, as I'm sure you have, similar thing where you attract a lot of women who are extra feminine and they're on the flowy and, you know, very nurturing, very emotionally driven side. So you have to figure out that balance. And that became a quest for me. How do I take a woman who is very feminine and flowy and nurturing, has all the qualities that I want to learn and learning in the process, but also give her that power card where she recognizes that that femininity is strong. It's not there, like you said, just to be Instagrammable. It's not there to just be flowy. And my. I was truly determined to create a methodology where we can eat a tub of ice cream and cry together, but then we say, what are we going to do about numbers? And that's truly what I start first. And honestly, my guy friends called me out to do that because literally my guy friends said, don't you just start. Because I kept complaining and saying, oh my God, I go to all these conferences. You know, I spoke at over 100 conferences and it's not enough women. And literally I was like, well, I start first. And he's like, well, here you go. And that's starting in me, I think, where I said, you know what, that's okay. I'm probably going to face plant a lot. Fear is not an issue. I've done it many times. Afraid I moved here on my own. It was really that drive of finding that beautiful balance that I think that true feminine and that bringing that true masculine into that. Not the ego kind, right? Not the driven. And I own this, but more like, let me explore this, let us collaborate. I feel that, you know, I feel like I literally, in my early time with this program, I felt like I was meeting two types of women. I would either meet super alphas and corporate, where I would be like, okay, well what do you do about to mentor women, you know, who work with you? Nothing. I crush them. Like, what are you talking about? Like, I work my ass off to get here so they can freaking suck it and go do it on their own. So I would meet that and then I would meet the super flowy, you know, I don't need anything. And I'm like, honey, you have nothing to pay your bills with. You're not going to be creative for that much longer because unfortunately your Instagram followers don't cash out and the bank. So, you know, and so it was those two polarities and figuring out how do I find my tribe that blends it together beautifully. But also teach the alphas that you do have to mentor, there is no way that you can avoid that. You have to start. Like, you can give me every excuse under the book, but it's like me, you know, I always use my story with them and tell them, hey, just because my mother was an Alpha woman, it doesn't mean I get to generationally now pass this down. Because I understand that there are flaws in the that method. Just the same way that if you have somebody who is freely and super spiritual and doesn't care. But it's also, I feel like with women.

It'S, to me it's big time figuring out what you want because not everyone wants a seven figure company and like, we have to stop driving with this shit. Like, I look at Instagram and I feel like every entrepreneur is supposed to have a private jet and a seven figure company. Like, can we just stop with it? Like, I know women who just want to be a goddamn best stay at home mom. And if that's her thing. Right, right, exactly. And that's her drive, let her freaking have it. But also be a mom that's a badass that your kids look up to and say, I want to be just like you. And if I go up to be a stay at home mom, I want to be just like you. So it's finding that badass and whatever women you woman type of woman you are.

You know what I love about you and me? And you know, it's, it's very rare that I meet somebody that can get men to be vulnerable and open as well as women. And I know you and I both that like, I have so many men that want to work with me and men have pushed me to do what I'm doing too, because they're like, when you speak, I actually listen and I've heard this shit 200 times, but when you say it like, there's enough fuck you in there, but enough of this vulnerable Piece like, oh, it's not that scary to be vulnerable. Right. And I know you do that. And also the same thing with the women. So you go into this, okay, well, shit, I guess I got to start first and create what's not out there.

Yeah.

And so how scary is that?

It's scary. I mean, it's still scary a lot of days, but, you know, that's where I learned to let go of the ego completely. And, I mean, that's a huge testimony to you, too, because, you know, it's just. I got reminded of that in my conversation with you, what you just said. I said, you know, there is brilliance and in putting no judgment on someone. And I think you have that same incredible quality where men, you know, or women gravitate towards you because they can tell you their worst story and you will say, it's okay. You know, it's okay. That's who you are. That's where you are right now. And I think part of that fear to me came dealing with that fear was definitely on the Daily Sage. You know what? It's okay. I don't know all the answers. I am going to pivot, but I'm also going to listen to them. And I think the reason why, the reason that I started first develop so quickly. I mean, we're going to be on our fifth event in April. It's insane to me still, like, over 500 women in events, over 500 women in boot camps, speaking at so many conferences. What came to me in that process is I had to listen. Like, I had to learn how to really shut my mouth and just listen to this. Women who literally have never been heard, like you said, and start constantly start with them. You know, at first I thought it was going to be just a hashtag. Then it became speaking plus the hashtag. Then they kept saying, what else do you have? So we created the mastermind, the bootcamp, you know, Then they kept saying, we want to see each other in person. So I'm like, okay, let's do an event. But if I'm going to do an event, my main drive was what you said. How do I create something that is going to one, teach them to collaborate. But collaborate in a good sense, not in the word that you. And I hate that when it's like collaborate, which means you get everything, I get nothing. But in the true sense of business, which is a win win. How do I add value to you? And it becomes adding value to me in the process. And then truly teaching them that, that type of collaboration, that's how you rise together. Because I swear to God, if I see any more hashtags, the self love rise together, I'm like, you freaking are not even doing that. Like, if you're gonna do it, fucking stand behind something. Like, grow enough backbone and stand behind that in the way that you believe it. So, like, I will tell you that I believe that my women at my events come in and love on each other and not that they drink champagne together and go gossip about each other in the bathroom. Like, I know that they won't do that. I've seen them send text messages saying, hey, I said this to so and so because she was dissing another woman and had nothing to do with her. That to me is integrity. They're doing it whether I'm in the room on the not. And so to get to that level, I had to bare my bones. Like, that's why I connected to you. And I told you that. That when I saw you speak first and you came in sweats. And I loved that moment. I'm like, oh, my God, she's my soul sister for sure. Because I had to bear my skeletons. I had to show them my ugliest moments, which most women are not willing to do. We are so fucking driven by perfection. Like, perhaps not if human quality first of all. So, like, they're so driven. Driven by the pretty and the perfect. And we have to look a certain way and we have to only post a certain way and show up a certain way. And I was showing up at my conference like, you know, I went for a pretty tumultuous divorce. We're great now, but we had our moments. And I showed up at my conference and literally told them from stage, FYI, I might get served today. So you all just sit there and, you know, have a good time. It's going to be cute. And I mean, they all freaked out, but I told them, I said, I'm not trying to do this as a pity card. I'm not teaching you go and dis, you know, diss on him and make him.

No, this is fucking life. No.

Yeah, exactly. This is the shit that goes down. And if I'm a mom and my kid is sick and something happens, I might bring her with me to an event. So that's life, you know, whatever it is, you don't have to be perfect to gain momentum and create the life you want. That's just what it is.

I think the quality that you and I both have that makes us great at what we do is exactly what you said. I Know that, that for me, being vulnerable is probably one of my biggest fears growing up, the way that I grew up, like, it wasn't allowed, like it wasn't safe to be vulnerable. Like, shut the fuck up. Basically, like, you have no voice. You do as I say, not as I do. And so when I got into this kind of space, like I had a business in the car industry which was male dominated and easy for me because I could be in that energy. But when I moved into a business that was more in this kind of female dominated one, I was like, oh God, I don't. The only way I'm going to connect with these and really lead them because I do have strong leadership. I was born a leader. I know that. I was born, like all that masculine education that I got from my dad and my uncle driving into me as a little girl, those are great things, but how can I communicate them that in a way they're able to receive it and the only way they're going to receive it and trust it for women like us.

Yeah.

Was to crack open our own vulnerability and start first.

Yep.

And hardest thing I've ever done. And it's why I know you and I are as good at what we do. Because in every day it's not like we did it once and like, yeah, we got this shit unlock. It's like we do this daily.

Right, Right.

And I love fucking love what you do. Like I'm obsessed with your event, with your, with your coaching and you know I don't say that.

Yeah, no, I know, I know. But I mean, I do love that you said daily, you know, because I feel like a lot of times with you and I both, we felt that where they just put you on a pedestal, you know, they put you on that. Oh, good for you, Tracy. Right? Like, I hate that phrase. Like to me, good for you is like basically a nice version of fuck off because they literally put you there. Well, because they did. Once they put you in a pedestal, you become unachievable. And to me, that's, that's the worst thing you can do with your clients. So if any of you run heart centered businesses and you're listening, like the worst thing, contrary to what social media teaches you that you can do with your clients is let them put you on a pedestal. They will never trust you, they will never relate to you. They will not do business with you because you're too good. You're unachievable, you're unattainable. You have a beautiful unicorn that they can never Be. And you need to be in a place. And that's what I am learning daily, too, is like you said, how do I deliver my messages? And how do I keep breaking my. And keep breaking my heart open, my soul open? Showing them that even at this level, you still have issues. You have shit going on. You have all kinds of things not working out in things and people not working out. So it all doesn't change the issues that they are still. You just receive them differently because you have more growth, because you evolved, because you put in so much work on your own. But I think that's where you and I are so good, because we are open about saying, hey, we do stuff. Afraid, we do stuff not happy. We do stuff. And we get angry, we get frustrated, but we do it anyways. The point is not. Yeah, the point is not to be beautiful, amazing, and do it. The point is do it in your lowest moments, when you want to quit and walk away.

You know, 2019 for me was probably the hardest year of my life. Life with real life, not business, but real fucking life. Like, blindside after blindside after blindside. And. And although I didn't show it all, because some of it I can't, but it's like, holy fuck, I still show up every day. Like, I still show up every day for people that need me. And although they may not know the whole story, I'm very transparent with what's going on in my life. Like, I'm a shit show right now. Like, I'm holding on and white knuckling life today. And the thing in the past that I know that you know this, and I know a lot of you listening right now think that all those things that were happening in my life, even just six, seven months ago in the past, I would have believed those disqualified me to lead. And it's actually those things that make me more qualified to lead.

Lead.

And I know a lot of you out there are hiding shit in your closet, and you're doing the booty pop and looking all pretty on Instagram, but there's all these other things that are in your closet that are actually your superpowers in leading women and letting them know they're not alone. And I know that you're doing that, too. Right. I start first.

Yes. No, it's. I literally just got goosebumps listening to that. Yeah. I mean, if you're gonna give up on one idea, like. Like, give up on the idea that you have to look all pretty and be all put together, and the only time you're Qualified is when you're put together because the best leaders go for the. I mean, it's like they say, from the darkest moment moments comes the biggest sunshine, you know, And I, There is a reason at my events, you know, I'm all about black, pink and sparkles. Black for a little bit of darkness in my soul.

And pink because I love it. But truly, I, you know, we do this one thing at my events with. We throw sparkles in the air and girls get annoyed because they're literally covered with it for days after. But, you know, I do it because I share the same lesson with them. At the end, I said, I want you to walk away in the ugliest moment in your life when you find that sparkle in your underwear or your shoe or somewhere in your closet. I want you to remember what it felt like to be in this room. Because you see, that shine does not change. Your light, your soul, your. Who you are, your value. You're born with all that, the effort and the resources and the strategies and everything else that you put in to deliver whatever type of work you do, that's just a bonus. Those are just layers that are on top of it and they're there to deliver using those tactics. But your worth, your value, that's God given. I mean, nobody can take it away from you. So that's the part where you have to realize that when you lead, you lead from that place. You don't lead from the sales tactics or, you know, marketing techniques or whatever skills you have. And some of the best leaders I come across, people who, who speak from the heart, who teach from the heart. It's not always about skills. It's about the fact that they know internally that they're badass and they're projecting.

Because I have no skills. Like, seriously, I've. That's why I love you, because I'm obsessed with you. Because I have no skills other than instinct and heart.

Yeah.

Quite honestly, no.

But those are huge.

You know, I'm being told that, you know, by the divine for sure. I'm like, okay, I guess I don't need all these skills. It's not my strength.

Yeah, but they don't have to be right, because you lead from a very different place.

I know all of you right now just got goosebumps. So I want you to screenshot right now because I don't want you to forget this moment. And I want you to remember exactly where the time is on this, because I want you to rewind it and listen to the last five minutes of her Just pouring so much love into what she just said to you and to me. Like, I needed to hear what Alenka said. So screenshot it right now. Let her know that you loved her when you share this. But I want you to screenshot so you know where to go back in this episode to listen and rewind just a little bit. Because I know, like, as life comes and hits you with a 2x4, you're gonna need to be reminded. I know I will. By what she just said. So thank you so fucking much for that. That was beautiful. I know that the ladies and gentlemen also that are listening want to learn more from you. You. You know, if you're in Arizona In April, April 4th is the 5th annual I Start first event. I'm sad I can't be there. I have another thing in Canada that I have to be at. But I want everybody that loves me to fall in love with you. And any of you listening from Arizona or even somewhere close where you can hop in a car or a quick plane ride, please come and learn from this way woman. You know that I don't say that often. I think everybody needs to be there. So how can people, like, learn about you, learn from you, meet you, see you learn all things Alenka.

Yes. Well, first of all, thank you for this. I mean, it means the world. And I truly, like I said, it's so easy for me to talk to you because we just connect at a soul level. So it's very honest and always from the heart. But, yes, for anybody listening, everything is under my name, all my social media, I do not have bots. No bullshit. If you reach out to me, I'll be the one responding to you. And in terms of information, it's iStartFirst.com so everything I do is about starting first. So it's literally iStartFirst.com or under my name, or if you just go to I Start first social media, which is also on the I Start first on Instagram, it's I Start first underscore. We post everything about the event. There's everything about the Bootcamp. But yes, I mean, we've had women come from Washington and New York, all over the country, really, for that event. Like Tracy said, one thing I don't do is bullshit. So you are actually going to walk away with real strategies, meeting real women. A lot of my women become friends for life. It's truly an extraordinary day where we just come together. There'll be tears, I buy a lot of Kleenex. But it's really to you know, break ourselves down a little bit more. It's crack our hearts open a little bit wider and be okay to receive love even when you don't feel like it. Because there are so many times when you don't feel like it.

No, most of the time. And through my own experience of allowing not just life to crack my heart open. But, you know, you'll appreciate this. You know, I explain it like this, you know, if you've ever. Have you ever broken a bone before?

Yes.

So I broke my arm when I was 6, and because I didn't want to upset anybody, I didn't tell anyone that I broke my arm. And Little Tracy at 6 years old was walking around for two days with a broken arm until obviously I couldn't hide it anymore. And what happens when we don't get it treated right away? The doctor has to go in and re break it in order for it to set properly and heal properly so it can be functional the way it was always meant to. And I want you guys listening to know that our heart is no different. Different. Your heart, quite honestly, was probably broken at some point early on in your life. And we just slept, you know, you didn't do anything about it. We didn't get it addressed. And so it's healed, but not the way that it was intended, so it can't operate the way that it was intended. So let us in, let Alanka in so we can re break that a little bit, so we can heal it the right way, so it can operate the way it was always designed to, so your gifts can come and shine their stuff on the world, so you can meet the people you are always meant to be, so you can attract in what you are always meant to. And this is a beautiful way to do it. It's a safe place, It's a loving place and a fucking powerful place to be. So find her, meet her, come to her event. I love you.

Oh, thank you. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, you are one and only. There is a reason, like I said, we met the way we met, but I can't thank you enough. And it's so true. I love that anal. Thank you for having me. And yes, however, I could serve. Guys, please reach out. I'm here for you. I'll embrace you in whatever way I can. And like Tracy said, let's go for that beautiful healing process together.

Girl, I'll support anything you do. You're amazing. Thanks for coming on.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today. It would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.