29: How changing small habits can create the life you want to lead with James Patrick

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go. Foreign.

Welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast and I am very excited for this conversation. The man I am bringing you today, I met two years ago and the minute I was around him, I'm, you know, you guys have been following me for any length of time. You know, I'm always kind of like observing and feeling the room out and you know, put my thumb on the pulse a little bit. And when I was in the room with this guy, I was intrigued. He's very quiet. By, like when you first get to know him, he's super quiet. He had this creative kind of energy going on, but he's super brilliant too. And I think it was either maybe one of the first nights because we're in a Mastermind together, it was one of the first nights we ended up sitting next to each other at dinner. And I'm telling you right now, I don't even remember who else was in the room, to be honest with you, because him and I got into an amazing conversation. Couldn't tell you what it was about, but when James Patrick opens his mouth, you know gold is going to come out. And anytime I'm around him, I feel that there's so much wisdom. He's not a man of many words, but when he drops the words, you better be freaking listening and taking notes because he has so much wisdom. He is a jack of all trades. He's done so many different things and he's, he's one of the most resourceful, kind, genuine human beings I've ever met. He's brilliant, talented, and it's so funny because two years ago when I met him, he was a little more, I mean, I know he's introverted by nature and that's not going to change really, but it was pretty high Level introversion at the time, two years ago. And what I have seen him do, obviously professionally, he's always going to kick ass. There's no question about that in my mind. But what I've watched him do on a personal level and how he presents himself, there's a swagger that Mr. James Patrick carries that you can't duplicate. It's beautiful to watch. It makes me giddy inside to watch him shine in his genius. There's nothing more exciting than watching people brilliant at what they were gifted and what they've worked so hard at. And James Patrick is the owner, founder, creator of Fitposium. It's a conference here that is held in Arizona. It is also online education network supporting entrepreneurs to help them launch and grow their careers. He is a past recipient of the Inside Tucson Business as an up and Comer of the Year award. And he has like a lot of hardware for awards that he has done. But what I love most about him is aside from we have dogs, both named Wrigley, we're big Chicago Cubs fans, there's just a warmness about James. And when you're in his presence, you feel that. And you know if, if James calls you friend, he means it. And so I cannot wait for all of you to get to know him a little better and to be taking notes because he's going to give you some wisdom that, you know, hard to find in other places. And here's another fun fact I love about James. We were just chatting briefly before we hopped on and he runs a mastermind as well. You know, if you're listening to me, you follow that kind of thing, right? You're into personal development and masterminds and bettering yourself. And what I love about him is that he sold this son of a gun out and you never heard about him talking about it on social media or really anything like that that tells you right here, right now the reputation and credibility that James Patrick has to be able to sell out a high level mastermind without me even really hearing about it. Other than our friendship, that tells you something. So get ready, buckle up. Hi, James.

Tracy.

I just have to thank you and just give you my most just extreme gratitude. I've done hundreds of podcasts and I've been on both sides of the interview table. I have never had an introduction make me tear up and choke up before. You have completely pulled me out of any game that I could possibly have. And it is, I am so grateful that you have that energy and that spirit and I'm just so honored that we can have this conversation. Thank you so much.

Oh, well, now you just got me 50 shades of choked up, too. So that's what I think is so important about conversations and podcasts, and it's what's lacking out there, to be honest with you. I know that you're going to give. Whoever chooses to listen or follow me or follow you, you're going to give so much value. But I think it's really important to know the glory behind the story of people and. And the story behind the glory actually of people and, you know, the things that we've had to do, overcome, claw our way out of, even sometimes to have what we have today. And like, on paper, you're a freaking rock star. And I mean, personally, you're a rock star, too. But I think that it's really important for people to hear the real you. And I think knowing you the way that I do, they're in for treats. So thanks for being here.

Oh, this is going to be a great ride. And I actually remember that first night we had dinner together at the Mastermind retreat. But like you, I have no idea what we talked about. All I remember was the setting. And. But it was. It was a tunnel. But every night during that weekend retreat, for whatever reason, we always ended up next to one another. It wasn't by plan, it was not by design. It was just what ended up happening of, oh, here's an open chair. I'll sit here. And, oh, there's an open chair. You'll sit there. And every night during that weekend retreat, we would have a deeper and deeper conversation, and it was like the rest of the evening kind of got shrouded in fog, and we were able to just hyper focus in connecting. And it was such a beautiful week. And we've been able to do it now going into two years. And every time you and I sit down together, we just have the most insightful conversations. I take so much from you. So I'm excited, excited to see where this conversation goes today.

You know, that's the thing. I think, oh, I, you know, I'm a bullshit. I have a bullshit radar that is probably better than most. And I think that's what I love so much about you is even when we're in a conversation, you're so objective and you're honest with your wisdom and opinion, and it's always coming from a place of love. Also that, I mean, I can have a posture. I mean, I'm just straight shooting with you. You and I both know that I have a posture. That some people could be intimidated by or afraid to tell me the truth or things like that. But what I love about is, like, you'll tell me something that's hard for me to hear. And I respect you that much more because you had the courage to tell me and because it's given with so much love. And I think that's what you do with people, and that's why you are so well respected. So, like, most people would know you through Fitposium. Right. But there was a life before Fitposium to James Patrick. And what was that? I mean, I know you've done all sorts of millions of different things.

Yeah. You know, there were a few because the idea of the conference and the conference is predicated upon helping entrepreneurs. Okay. And why do we create things? We create things because we feel we needed that five years ago. If only this thing existed five years ago for me. Right. And most of the things we create in our services, in our programs and our platforms, we created for ourselves. And for me, I struggled navigating my professional trajectory, and I did whatever was in front of me because, you know, it was the. It was the least complicated option for me. Okay. So in college, I chose journalism. Why? Because I knew how to write. So it was the least complicated option for me. And I became a journalist. And then the opportunity to become a photographer was the next option right there. It's like, well, you write articles. Here's a camera. Go take photos to go along with your articles. Okay, I'm going to do that. But I don't.

No.

And this is, you know, I'm young, 20s, I don't know any professional photographers. I mean, who's out crushing it as a photographer, All I know is like, the term starving art as well. That doesn't sound appealing. So the opportunity comes like, well, work in marketing. Here's an opportunity to work in marketing. Here's a job for you. Said, okay, I'll go do this job and I'll work this job for a bit. But as I'm working this marketing job throughout my early 20s, into my mid-20s, as I'm doing this, I have this scale of dissatisfaction. And every year I'm at this job, I go up another tick on this scale. Let's say the scale's on a 1 to 10. And when you started a job, it's like, it's a zero. It's like everything's new, everything's fresh. Oh, this is exciting. This is different. And then as you get into the primary career, which I did then it's still in the lows, like two or three, but you're crushing it. And I was crushing it at my marketing job. I was doing exceptionally well in my position, even through a down economy. Cause right after college was the recession of 2008. But the more I did this and the more I saw people losing their jobs and the more I saw people just unhappy and without options, I myself am feeling unhappy. I myself am feeling dissatisfied. And there's something else gnawing at me that I need to be doing something more. And at the time, I thought it was photography, because I'm still taking photos, I'm still going out. I'm still earning a living on the side doing photography, but I'm not owning it. You know, someone came up to me, like, james, what do you do for a living? You know, you're at a networking mixer. I said, well, I work in March, because that was a safer answer. And how many times have we done that? We say the safer answer. When someone says, what do you do? You just name. Sure, Whatever. Whatever the safe answer is. Because if you name the other answer, like, if I say, well, Tracy, I'm a photographer, then that. That opens up a Pandora's box of questions that I don't know if I have the confidence to answer.

Okay, so I want to touch on something that you said, and I just got goosebumps as you said it. So that means I'm supposed to talk about it. When you talk about the word safe. And, you know, when you were talking about, you know, when people are listening right now and they're hearing like, well, that wasn't there, so I just learned it. That wasn't there, so I just learned it. For a lot of people, that seems scary and unsafe, but I think for you, that created a level of safety. And, you know, that's a common theme with you in this conversation right now, even saying, like, I'm in marketing. So where did that sense of need come? Need to either have all the knowledge, all the information, where does that come from in order for you to feel safe?

You know, it's something I've explored a lot. And I'm going to add another layer to this that I did not realize until just last year. And this, when I. When I figured this out last year, this rocked my freaking world to the point that it broke me. What have I done? And I've been a photographer for 20 years. What do I do as a photographer? I hide behind a camera. I'm not. I'm behind a camera. I'm Making work of other people. I'm showcasing other people. When I put a light up, I don't put the light on myself, I put the light on someone else. I chose a career where I am behind the light, where I am behind the camera. What a great place to continue to hide.

Oh, I know, right?

And look at like when you show work and I see creative professionals do this all the time, you show work, you're like, look at my work. Here's my work, you know, and if my Instagram were only my photos, that would be me hiding. And I did that for years. I hid behind my work. I hid in the shadow of my own potential. And where that came from, I mean, that's a lot of its upbringing, I mean so much of it because, you know, middle class family, hard working father, very hardworking mother, but very afraid parents.

And the idea of like I can even. I can tell you the first time I picked up a camera, I was probably circa 13, 13 year old James. I pick up my father's just, just camera he had around the house. Like nothing, nothing. He was not a professional photographer. And I said, oh, photography. And then I'm looking up at his bookshelf and I see National Geographic covers. I'm like, well that's photography. This is a camera man, that'd be so cool to take pictures. And I remember to this day his words, it's a very expensive hobby.

And that right there, that's. And I don't, I'm not upset at my father for that. I don't judge him for that. Like he was raised, so was my mother raised to believe that everything is finite and that if you keep your head down and if you work hard, if you don't ripple waters and you take safe options. Like they wanted me to go in, you know, in college they wanted me to study pharmacy, to become a pharmacy tech. Because pharmacy tech's right out of College. They make 65 a year right out of college. You know, wouldn't that be great? Or, or you know what, why don't you study engineering? Because engineers, they can make, you know, 70, 75 right out of college. You could be making that and you'll. And you have job security. That was a word said or phrase said a lot. Job security, right.

That's so funny. It is our generation of parents and the Midwest core like work ethic and value think. And I agree with you. Like that's all they knew. So that's what they taught us, right? And so it's so ironic that you end up into in school it is as journalism major. And now you're taking pictures. And I'm sure there was this internal battle as you're doing that. Like, this is where my calling's happening. And, you know, I've got my beautiful mom and dad kind of chirping in my ear and the voices in my head saying, yeah, but that's just a hobby. So how did you discern and navigate that?

It wasn't easy because like I said, right, in college, I don't know many professional photographers, so how do I. What contrast could I have based on where I'm at? And look what I did. I took a safe career in marketing. I'm just going to take this job and I'm. And I, you know, and the job actually was a good thing to have and it factored into, into my life later on because guess what? Now I'm the photographer who knows how to market themselves, who knows how to build a brand, how to market a brand and how to profit from a brand. Had I not had that time in that marketing job, I never would have gained those insights or accumulated that knowledge. But at some point there was an interesting turning point where as the economy started to go down, my side hustle in photography started to go down as well because all my clients are going out of business. And I looked at that and I'm like, well, I guess I could hang up the camera. It was fun. It was a fun hobby. Once again, it was a fun hobby. But I got my career. I have job security at my career. I can just, you know what, even though it doesn't sound sexy or appealing or it wasn't really lighting my fire, I could work in this career in marketing for the rest of my life. I'm being headhunted by other companies. I could just do this and I could, you know, my top out will be 85 a year, but I'll have my 401k, I'll have my health benefits covered. And then, But I, but I couldn't, I couldn't put that camera down as much as I, as much as it made sense to put it down, I couldn't. And I said, well, maybe if I just shot only stuff I love to shoot. I didn't shoot everything. If I only just did what I loved, I wonder what would happen. And what I loved was working with athletes and working in athletics and working with people who have a fascination with sports and endurance and health and wellness and fitness. So. Well, let me just build some imagery around there and let's just see. But If I'm going to do it, I'm really going to make it the best it can be. No one's really doing this at this time, so I'm just really going to go all in. And all of a sudden something shifted. How I looked at that work, shifted, how I created that work, how I cultivated and curated my portfolios, my eagerness to share my work shifted. And work started coming in fast, really fast, to the point where all of a sudden I'm now making as much money in my side hustle as I am in my full time job, like within a year.

That's so crazy. But you created something a, that wasn't happening at the time, especially during a time in the economy that people weren't spending money on that unless it was for something very specific, a niche like athleticism and fitness and health. And I mean, side note, y', all, he has over 500, 500 covers of magazines he shot for, so he kind of knows what he's doing. What was it about sports and health and fitness that intrigued you so much?

It's the ascension towards perfection that you will never hit. You look at the trajectory of a great athlete. Every year they're going to try to improve. Every year they're going to try to level up their game. Every year they're going to try to take it. But they'll never hit perfection. There is no perfection. It's just, how close can I get to that line before my time starts to decline? And what did we just see? Just, you know, as of recording this just a week ago of Tom Brady, it could be his last time in a Patriot uniform. And like, did he, did he get close to that line? Was it a couple years ago? And has he started to descend from that line? So how fast can you accelerate towards that line? What a beautiful thing because it's like, it's a pure dedication of, of your physical body, but also your mind to achieve a goal. And how cool is that? And I grew up, you know, you and I, we both grew up in Chicago. We grew up in the era of the bad Cubs, we grew up in the. But we also grew up in the domination of the 90s bulls, like, and the monsters of the Midway, like, and the Hawks. Like, we grew up in one of the best, you know, cities for sports and athleticism in the country. So how could I not be obsessed with, how could I not, like, allow that to infiltrate into my mind and into my creativity? And the idea was, was how can I replicate this visually? How can I tell these stories of athletes. And it ended up being like, I work with a lot of professional athletes. But what ended up catching fire for me was actually working with health and fitness talents, not necessarily professional athletes, although some of them could be. But it was an interesting parallel industry that was surging at the same time that I was developing this book of work. And timing is a funny thing. And I want to be very clear about it because I don't believe when someone hears that and they're like, well, he was lucky because he launched it at the right time. I'm like, I did. I did launch at the right time because I was at the forefront of an industry that was going to explode. But at the same time, the way that works is you got to be ready for luck to hit you. It doesn't just hit you if you haven't done the work, if you haven't put in the time, if you haven't done the thought, if you don't have the vision for it, it's just going to pass you by. Go on to the person who did. Just like it's passed me by a hundred times before. It didn't pass me by that time because I had done the work that time. And I'll contrast that. I had an idea, this must have been 15 years ago, and the idea was to create a book about a specific type of marketing in the industry that I was in. All right? It was a very niche style of marketing for a very niche industry. No one was talking about it, no one had written about it. I was piecing it together and it was working within my company. And I thought, I need to write a book or at least a white paper. I need to write a trade paper because I need my name associated with this style of marketing for this industry. No one is doing it. And I started writing the. I started writing. It was a white paper and I got about, I don't know, 20 pages in. And then I was like, you know, I'm busy with our stuff, and I put it up on a shelf. And then maybe six months later, I took it down, I dusted it off. I'm like, oh, where am I at with this? And I added a few more pages, put it back up on the shelf. And I did that for a few years until one day I go into work and I have a stack of brand new white papers on my desk. And I'm just flipping through to see what's, what's come out, what people are researching and what people are writing about. And sure as shit, there's my Title right there. Only that's not my byline, because I sat on it because my idea was still on my shelf, and I was like, there it is right there. I had the foresight. I did not take action, and all I'm left with now is hindsight. And that right there was a big eye opener for me. That action is everything. And so that got put into how I started doing everything.

You know, I was talking to my kids last night. You know, they're in their early 20s, and we're talking about life and love and all the things. And, you know, sometimes we fall in love with potential. Right? And you are in love with that idea, but it's like fall in love with the action that is required for it to work. And that is exactly what you just said. Like, wow. And most people would have played victim in that and said, you know, poor me. Poor me.

They stole it.

Yeah. Who's. Who's sneaking into my house? But instead, you took that as a fire under your ass and decided, never again. And so, you know, fast forward a decade. Fit Posium. You know, the covers. You know, your. You're the guy in this space. You are. And I agree with you. Like, the best things, like, what I do is exactly what you said, because I would have died for a me 28 years ago, or when I was 28 years old, I would have died for somebody like me in my life 28 years ago. And that's why I do what I do. And I know that's why you do what you do. So you mentioned in the beginning of our conversation, I mean, you got. You got quite a few wins underneath your belt, but last year, for whatever reason, you felt like something, maybe. Maybe you were hiding. Like, you realize, like, I'm the guy behind the camera. I'm the guy behind the scenes. Even though you run this big event every year, it's about showcasing hundreds of other people. I mean, you have. It's a crazy, amazing event with all these moving parts, and even though it's your event, you're still kind of like the guy who comes out for five minutes and then puts everybody else on the stages.

Mm.

So what was going on a year ago that you felt like, I need to explore deeper? And when I asked you the question, what were you hiding from? It rocked your world. What was going on that you felt the need to do that when you've got so many wins under your belt and people are like, oh, James Patrick's like, the shit.

Like, you know, it's. It's weird. Because it doesn't. And even today, I struggle accepting that praise or that, that, like. Like, you know, the reason, you know, I've shot 500 covers is because I told you that that's advertised on my social media, it's on my website. But a year ago, I would not have done that. Never would have even thought to count. Right. The reason that I've shifted, how I communicate, who I am, what I do, and why it matters has. Has evolved over the last year. Intentionally, I did that. But it's still. There's still a bit of a.

It's not imposter syndrome, because I know I do the work. I know I do great work, but it's.

I don't know how much more work I have to do to feel I've earned it yet.

And that right there is something that. That kind of. It's a voice in the back of my mind of. I still feel I need to earn that. But. But what ended up happening was. And I've worked with so many coaches, and you and I, we have the same coach. I've worked with a few other coaches, and they would all say the exact same thing to me, but I couldn't conceptualize. I had no idea what they meant by it, and I had no idea. And I'd have deep conversations and deep thoughts, and I would have all these journal sessions, and the statement they would all say to me is, james, you're so humble. You're so humble. And I was like, okay. And, like, you're too humble. You got to stop being so humble. I'm like, all right, I don't know what that means, and I don't know how not to. To be what you're saying I am right now. And I really spent a lot of time in meditation and thought about it. When I realized at that moment, that's when I realized, oh, I'm still hiding. I'm still putting work out. And say, just look at the work. Don't look at the person created, or just look at the work. Just look at my photos. Look at. You know, if I write an article, just read the article. If I record a podcast, just listen to the podcast, but allow there to be a barrier between the work and myself because I need some buffer or some range that if you hate this, that you don't hate me. That if you. If this doesn't work for you, if this. If this. If this. If you disagree, that you just disagree with the work, that is not me. That. That. That you haven't. You haven't taken Me down with it.

I just realized another reason why I love you so much. You remind me so much of my son who's gonna be 22 here. He is the most humble human being, and you guys have the same presence. You're always putting other people things. And it's coming from this need to feel safe and the buffer, right? And he's been told the same thing. And the feeling that you need to earn it. And I think, I mean, I'm probably not completely wrong, but I think still, even so, even with all the accolades and stuff under your belt, and I'm sure your parents are proud of you, part of you is probably like, yeah, but I have to be like, extra next level for my parents to believe that this isn't just a hobby and that this is the safe thing to do and this is secure, like security. Like, you have to be so next level in your mind for it to be, like, even real. Even though, you know, like, in your head all the stuff that you do is brilliant, but in your heart, there's a part of you that might still feel like, yeah, but I have to be extra good in order for me to overcome maybe the thoughts of my parents, even the thoughts of myself or whoever.

Yeah, you could not be more right. And it's so easy to look at on paper. It's like, okay, last year, I had a best selling book last year, hit a bestseller list. You know what? I felt about the same. I felt the same. It was like, okay, now what? Okay, I sold out my conference for the fifth year in a row. That felt good, actually. And then after that, I was like, okay, now what, now what? You know, it's like when we actually counted the covers and we were. We were north of 500. It's like, okay, now what? And it's. It's that constant shift of, all right, where's the. Where's the attention go now? And the best analogy I can think of is I always kind of feel like I'm on the front of a moving train and I'm doing the best to throw down the tracks in front of the train right before the train goes over them. Okay, now the problem with that and what I've worked on, especially over the last year, is to set a clear vision of the direction I'm headed, to know that I am going in a certain direction and to know that even though it feels like I'm throwing down tracks right before the train goes over them, that at least the tracks are heading in the direction that serves me where I can Create the most impact. But one of the things that I've also done is I started to take record of the impact that I have had on the lives of others, which is not something I've done before because that. That would not have been in. That would not have fit within my character to take note of that or to. Because it would never have been enough. It's like, okay, I helped you make $100,000 this year. Okay, fine, why didn't I help you make a million? Right? But now I'm starting to realize that, no, I've had profound impact on lives. And that right there has allowed me to take my message even further to more people, to connect more and to change more lives. And the more I keep of it, the more I keep record of it, the more it accelerates and motivates me to push even harder, which is now I'm pushing out of motivation versus pushing out of fear or out of lack.

You know, I love that we both grew up in the Midwest because I think, you know, the Midwest people, I gotta say, we've got this work ethic and drive that is different. It's not better or worse or anything like that, but it's just very different. And I think our parents generation specifically, like, they did really good things for us with that work ethic. And I think there was always, I mean, maybe it was just me, but like when you were saying that, I was like, oh, oh, you're hitting me in my heart. Because I'm very rare. I very rarely will celebrate anything to a fault. I won't. I won't. Because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And there's always a yeah, but, because that's kind of like that was my dad's way of pushing me harder. It was like, you did great, but. And that but kind of negates everything. So I was like, well, I'm not even gonna celebrate this because there's a but coming about what I could have done better. And although that worked and it made me into the achiever and all the things I am, it also robbed me of some of the joy in the celebrating of the things. So I know for me, and I know that that's. This is probably part of your journey over the last year and a half or so with this is allow and me also taking note of the impact I've had, I've had to kind of reparent that part of me that always feels like it's not good enough or that there's more that I should be doing, you know, the shooting all over ourselves. So I built like this, this kind of like, pseudo parent to that part of me that is always doubting and saying, you're doing great, honey. You're doing great, honey. Like, like I'm on the sidelines of, you know, a ball field or something, just reassuring that part of me that this is good and, you know, yes, you're going to do more. And this is great for now. Right?

It's so fascinating because when I think about the inhibitions of someone taking action.

It harkens back to that childhood memory of you turn in a paper that you're so proud of and you have these fantasies of, I'm going to get this A plus on this paper. I'm going to get all these glowing remarks. But the paper comes back and there's red ink all over it. And you realize that by doing what you did, you can be judged for it. And the judgment hurt. And you see the red ink and you're like, perhaps it's easier not to try anymore. Perhaps it's easier not to take this risk or not to take this gamble and just play within the rules of whatever they're expecting for me. Right? And it can leave an imprint when it's from a teacher. It can leave a deeper scar when it's, let's say, from a parent. Right? And this is not beating up on parents. This just, they, they had their conditions that gave them their own worldview or their own fears of the world. So, like I would think about as a kid, I used to love writing these short stories and I'd become obsessed with these. Like, just, I would churn them out. Like I would. I stole my father's typewriter. And I was just sitting there as a kid playing on a typewriter. It was my favorite toy, writing stories. And I would write these little stories and I'd hand them over to my dad and say, check it out, look what I wrote. And my father would mark it up with a pen, says, well, here's, here's how to make it better. And what is, what's the intention? It's not to demean me. It's not to make me feel he wants it to be better.

Absolutely.

But how do I, as a 8, 9, 10, 1112 year old, how do I interpret that of, well, it's not good enough. It needs to be better. Right? And that, that gets ingrained and that gets encoded into how we, how we approach, approach work. And either we approach it, I'm just going to work harder and do A lot more and burn myself out or, or the worst is maybe I just won't do it at all. And that we see a lot of.

Yeah, you get a case of the fuck it's right.

So a year, year and a half ago you decide to explore that and, and you kind of went in hiding for a little bit. I didn't see much of you. And all of a sudden I see Mr. James Patrick step out. Still the same beautiful human being, but he's got a posture that's very different. He's in front of like, he's out in front of the camera and he's speaking to rooms and there is like, like I said this posture and wisdom and just confidence that obviously I knew you had, but now you are sharing it with people. What was that about? Like, I mean, I know that you knew that you were going to grow and you're fascinated by, you know, next level stuff. Obviously with the sports then you know that niche you were in. But for you to come out from behind the camera and lead rooms so elegantly and powerfully, like what was your process in doing that? And you know, we always have to kind of like demolish and break down before we can reinstall the new information equipment, whatever to have what we have today. So what was that breakdown process for you?

So for me it was a demolishing. And I had spoken for years and I've spoken coast to coast, United States States. But. And I would speak very well, I would do very well on stage. But the second I got off stage I was done. Like I would be in a room by myself nursing, nursing a drink, like trying to recharge immediately because I was so drained. That doesn't happen anymore. What I had to do was I had to completely tear apart the fabric that I had built for myself. And what I saw as safe versus what I saw as the right thing to do. And this, I went to a certain extreme and it's not that others need to go to, to what I did, but there is something that individuals have to do to break their pattern. So what I ended up doing was, I went on, it was a, it was this retreat. Yeah, you remember. And it was a very vicious experience that had a four months of work that preceded it. And the four months of work that preceded it were all about building a life in different quadrants of your existence. So business being one of the quadrants, your body, how you honor your body, being one of the quadrants, how you nourish your mind, being another one, the quadrants. And how you devote yourself to relationships, not just romantic relationships, friendships, etc. How you devote yourself to that. Those being the quadrants that you, that you want to evolve in your life. Right. So building structure around it, building routine around it. And you're just thinking, well, this, this seems too easy. How do you change your life just by building routine? Well, you don't have the bigger picture yet. So you start small, you start granular, you just start habit tracking. What am I doing every day? Is it moving the needle forward? Is it? And it doesn't feel like it does because you can't contrast change day to day. Change happens gradually until you start to realize, I'm operating differently, I'm honoring my body differently, I'm devoting to relationships differently than I was six months ago. But after this.

I would say precursor, I end up going on this retreat and having no idea what to expect. And the treat was run by a group of both business owners, but also a group of ex Marines. And the first thing they do, and it's going to sound really hokey, a lot of what I'm going to say is going to sound silly, but the impact it had was anything but what they ended up doing was there was a group of six of us. Yeah, six of us. They ended up blindfolding us, throwing us in the back of a Yukon, driving us. We have no idea where we're driven. And the first thing we have to do is we have to climb a mountain blindfolded in the middle of the Arizona summer.

Oh, my God.

Just by talking to each other, having no idea of sight, like sight has been removed for us. And once we're at the top of this mountain that we climbed, it wasn't. It wasn't a mountain mountain. It was just a very giant, giant rocky, steep hill that we kept that we could have fallen down easily, but no one did when we were blindfolded, no one fell down. We get to the top and we're under the scorching Arizona sun in the middle of summer. And then we have to answer the question of why we want to change in life. And the first, first iteration is you give a bad surface level answer. Nope, you're going to stay up here until you can come up with the real answer. You give another surface level answer. Nope, gotta stay up here. And you're just melting under the sun. You're just scorching. And until you could come up with a real answer, you were not allowed to come down that mountain.

Right.

So once you were allowed to come down the mountain, then the real work began, which was running drills for the rest. I mean, we were out in that sun for over 12 hours running drills. I mean, to the point of just sheer exhaustion. I mean, we're vomiting. We're just like, just destroying ourselves. And at the end of it, and this is day one, by the way, at the end of it, we. They take us out to a new part in the desert, and they say, go find a symbol that represents your experience today and what you had to go through today. And I'm actually looking at what I grabbed. It's still on my desk. And it was a rock. And it was a rock. And it looks like a fang. It's a giant, sharp rock that looks like the fang of, like, a cat or a lion or something, or a tiger. And it just was like, I had to fight today. And I had to fight a lot to get through today. Because at any point, I could have quit. At any point I could have said, you know what? Medic, I need. I need an iv. I'm ready to go home. Get me out of here. Okay? But I didn't. And that night, we ended up going into. It was close to midnight when. When we got back to the house that we were staying at.

We ended up doing a midnight meditation under the stars. And the meditation was about finding both our light warrior and our dark warrior and what messages each had for us, what our intentions were. And we just. We ended up journaling all night long. Okay. Then we got about four hours of sleep, had to get up the next morning to run a mountain together. Okay. So we're up at about 4:30 in the morning running this mountain together. At the top of the mountain, we meditate more about who we want to be, about what. So this is that vision. That's why I said for the first time in the last year, I started setting a vision. Who we want to be in the future, who we want to be physically, where we want our mind to be, how we want our relationships to be, where do we want our business to go. And what I realize as I'm like, running down this mountain is that I've done it all backwards because all I focused on is my work. And what price did I pay for that? I was out of shape and I was unhealthy. All I focus on my work. What price did I pay for that? I was stressed constantly. Constantly dealing with stress and ulcers and getting sick from the stress. All I had focused on was my work, and what did I have to show for it? I'm in my first year of marriage.

And I'm not serving my wife. I'm not making her happy. So guess what? 20 years. What do I have to show for it if all I do is I focus on my business? Well, I'll be really out of shape if I live that long, because maybe I won't live that long. Maybe I'll be so stressed out and so unhealthy that I just dropped dead. Well, good. I built a great business, but now I'm dead. Awesome. Or I never devote myself to my wife and she leaves me. What. What good is my business then?

What have I done then, right? Oh, good. I got a great business, but I'm alone. I have no friends. My wife left me. I'm unhealthy. I'm stressed out. Yeah, that's. That's an awesome future. And the thing that I saw on this, as I'm running down this mountain, at the top of this mountain, and I drew it in my journal, because I have my journal with me, was this strong saguaro cactus. I mean, big, strong saguaro cactus. But as I run down the trail, I come up to the base of the cactus, and now I can see the whole cactus. I only saw the top two thirds of it from where I was at at the top of the summit. But once I ran down the trail, went right alongside the cactus. The entire bottom of the cactus, the entire third was rotted out down to the skeleton. And I said, that's me right there. I'm building this strong. All you see is a strong business. But my body is weak. My mind is malnourished, My relationships are underserved. And that's just my. My friendships. I'm underserving my friends. I'm not showing up. Is that the man I want to be?

Not just as a human being? Is that. Is that what I want to be known for? Is that the legacy that I want to leave behind? Absolutely not.

It's so powerful. You know, there's a lot of the shit out on the Internet and social media, like, balances bullshit. And. And I strongly disagree with that. Like, I think that you need to have a little bit of that and everything. What balance is, is this ability to be present, right? You can't have balance if you are unwilling to be present. And that those people that say balance is bullshit are those that have a hard time really being present with every single moment of their life. And I think that in that experience that you had, you had no choice but to be present. Because, I mean, shit, you would have died out there in the summer heat here in Arizona. It's brutal. Let alone, you know, climbing up and down hills and doing all that. But in that moment, it forced you to really be present and to take an honest look and take an inventory of where you're at. Yeah, like you can crush any business. So can I. And I also know if I go extreme with it, what will get sacrificed. And the only way to really keep that in check is the ability to be present. So since that moment and how I've seen you show up is very much a present person, you don't run and hide to the room with a, with a glass of whiskey or wine or anything. You actually stay engaged. And so do I, because I had to. Like, we have very different experiences, but I had the same experience as far as like, oh shit, like my inability or unwillingness to be present is robbing me of things. Because, you know, that analogy that you put down of thrown down the track right in front of the train is exactly how I felt most of my life too. And so I know there are people listening right now that, yeah, what you just talked about is pretty, like out there and extreme. And sometimes, sometimes you need to do the extreme to shock yourself into reality of where your choices have gotten you. Right. And so since then, I've seen a different version of you, still the same beautiful human being. However, there. There is a different version of you that is engaged in all parts of your life now.

It's the misnomer in this. Actually, I'll get to the misnomer because I want to hit upon balance. Because it's so funny, because I. I actually wrote a post today about how I feel balance is a lie, but not in the sense that it's bullshit or in the sense that.

What I meant by it. And because I want to edify this because I was thinking so much about this is when, When I see people talk about balance, I see them mention it and still holding onto the fear that you know what balance means. Safety.

Right.

And I, I'm not going to dedicate to this as much because I need balance. I need that space. And when I look at the most successful people in the world, they don't necessarily use the word balance, but they have such a rigid, rigid, non negotiable life of. From this time to this time, I work. And it will be the most effective work compared to anyone else. I will achieve more in these. Whether it's four hours, six hours, whatever it is, and then from this hour to this hour, I'M with my family. I do not have my phone on me. I do not answer emails. I am not reachable. I'm with my family at this point. And from this time to this time, I'm reading or I'm journaling or I'm meditating, okay? And they have these rigid controls of their life. They don't call it balance. This is just how they choose to operate. So I was more so like, you know, it's funny that you said, I was like, oh, that's so serendipitous. I was just talking about that. It's shifting the definition of what we're striving for in balance. Okay?

And you're right, like with that and like here's the disclaimer in that is like I'm. I have rigid non negotiables now that you know, in evaluating kind of my stuff in that, you know, air quote balance thing. Because I do think people use that as an excuse to play small. I do. And all the other things that, you know, that, that people say, you know, balance is bullshit. But here's the thing with that rigid rigidity, if that's the word.

I have kids and they walk into a room and I can sense that their energy needs a conversation. They won't say it because they know how rigid I am with my schedule and they know I'm in work mode and the heads down and the ability, like this is why I said, the ability to be present with every moment. I do have very rigid structure in my life yet when a child of mine, or even any human, let's just be real, any human walks into my energy circle and I feel whether I need to be interrupted for a hug, a conversation, because I am so ultra present even in the rigid time blocks of my life, I can know that this can be put on hold for a moment to have this energy exchange with my child or somebody at the store or, or whoever. And what happens when you are able to be present? A, you don't get rattled if things don't go your way because life happens. You can have all the color coded time blocking bullshit you want and life is still gonna happen. A phone call is gonna happen.

You need to come to Chicago now.

Because somebody's dying, right? And all rigidity goes out the window. But, and that being said, because I am able to be present and not say, hey, can we schedule a conversation in four hours when I have a 15 minute block, I drop what I'm doing now. And those conversations and the needs that I need to meet are Way more effective in smaller doses. Because the people that, especially the ones that I care about, know that if I can sense something's off, nothing is more important than human relationships. Nothing. Nothing. Not a fucking dollar sign, you know, our health. Yes, but like a human in need, like, and not in a codependent way. Let's just be clear, right? A lot of people will throw themselves into taking care of people, right? But I'm able to course correct and get back onto that time blocked schedule a lot faster and also know and feel really good about the time I just invested with whoever was in front of me that needed it. So, you know, I know not everybody out there has kids. And you know, this is not to be used as an excuse to, you know, put anything that's really important to you on the sideburner. No, no, no. But this is just a really good exercise for me also to remember. Like, life is about the moments we have one at a time in front of us. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. And if you are so present enough with yourself, you're going to be able, you're going to have the ability to be present with other people too and, and understand. And, and also this is a good quality because you're going to understand, you know, the energy vampires that are out there too, right?

Yes, it's. And you've said it so beautifully and it's so true, you have to determine, and I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, but you have to determine for yourself what your priority is and what the structure of that priority. For me, the first priority in my life became my physical body. Because if I cannot take care of my physical body, I cannot show up for anyone else. I won't be strong enough. Okay? From there, it's my mind is the second step. Okay? So if I have a strong enough mind, then I can support the needs of others. I can serve them, okay? Whether it's mentally, emotionally, like, I can be there, I can be present because I've nourished myself enough to take care of myself that I can now pay that energy forward. Then it's relationships, those come before business.

Now I have the same order as well. And it's so important because when we take care of our health, we are going to be able to be present with our body because it's not like a slug, right? And with our mind, like I have the same kind of order of operations as well. And the more that we can honor that process, the better we are for everything. So I love that.

And here's here's kind of a. Now that I'm in hindsight, like it's, it was, it was a year ago that I went through that retreat. There were men who've gone through this retreat who have reverted back to who they were before.

And there are individuals who've gone through this retreat who have used it and the experience and remembered it enough to change your life. Because the retreat itself does not change you because like, like you get, I mean, think about, you go to a conference, you get fired up and you come home from the conference and you don't really know what to do, so you just end up doing nothing and then six months later you have to go to another conference. Right. It's what you choose to do after. And it's not. These cannot be big egregious life changes because they won't stick. And that's, I think the problem people have is when they, when they go to some event and they get lit up and they're like, oh, I'm just going to change everything. It's like why New Year's resolutions don't necessarily work. It's the small habits that you input into your life. All of a sudden, now those four months of habit tracking that I talked about, now that made sense. Now this makes a lot of sense. And now I can build upon that slowly. And that's what I've done, is I've built upon it slowly. So now there are certain things I do every single day.

With I would estimate over 95% accuracy or accomplish rate.

That move me in the direction I want to go to leave the legacy that I want to leave.

You know, something that you just said is something that I've implemented this last year as well, specifically the last six months is I was like, all right, like it's time to be rigorously honest with myself. Right, Right. And I started tracking everything that I was doing every day. Not to control it, not to, but I needed to be honest with myself. And I think sometimes, yourself included, I'm sure most everybody listening why we haven't gotten where we want to is we probably have justified some of our behaviors or minimized some of the habits that we have. And so when I had to start tracking it, it was very eye opening of how, how much bullshit I was trying to tell myself and it wasn't even conscious and you know, and to have compassion for myself and in this realization. But the data didn't lie. Right. And I think that for those that go to a conference or an event, they give it you know, even a New Year's resolution, 30 days, 60 days. No, no, no. Do what James did. And I have done four months of tracking everything when it comes to your health, your mind, your business, your relationships, track it all. How you show up and what that looks like. And you're gonna have a very eye opening experience that should be met with compassion and love for yourself to know that some of these patterns were coping for a lot of history of stuff. And the only way to change it though, is to be aware of it. And so I'm so grateful that you brought a new awareness to yourself. Because of how I see you showing up, the world gets to experience more of you. And I think the world does need more of you. And you know, the thing that you were so driven by is like that impact that you've had on others. I mean, I'm just a small fraction of that impact, but I know the value and joy and just beauty you bring to my life every day that I know that this work you've done next level on yourself over the last year will allow the world to be impacted by you on such massive levels. So I'm so grateful that you took the time today to spend with me and to share things that most people probably didn't hear about you or know about you if they looked you up.

It's, you know, you. I trust you perhaps more than any other, any other interview that I've done because I was willing to discuss things I've, I've literally never even talked about on my own podcast. And it, it's a testament to, I mean, to your abilities to dive deep, but also to the work that you're doing to serve others like you because of your mission. It is a safer space to have these conversations. I think that's so important. I was so proud when I saw you launch this podcast, like, because I know we've talked about this for a while. When I, when you, when you had posted in our group that, you know what, it's finally happening, I'm finally launching it, I was like, yes, thank God, I'm so excited. And I remember, like, listening to your first episode was just such glee where you talked about like your background and what brought you up and then, and then also where you got real and you kind of revealed like, hey, this is, this is why this was overdue. But this is what pushed me forward into doing this and to kind of take that full circle. Like, I don't want a listener of the show to think that, oh, you know, it's as simple as just tracking habits and then your life will change. Like, I mean, it's. I'll use this example. Like, I. The habits I track are insanely simple. Like, there's eight things I do every day, and I just track them and I just check them off when I do them. These eight things do not change my life. Okay, so, for example, a few of them are, I meditate every day, I journal every day. I drink green juice every day, and I sweat for 20 minutes a day. Okay, those are four of the eight right there. Drinking green juice every day will not change my life.

Correct.

However, the fact that I strive to drink green juice every day will impact other decisions I make and how I take care of myself. That's it right there. Yep, that's. That's the. And look at, like, all the work and all the development we all go through. It's because we are willing to make those small decisions that over time will acclimate to something that actually shifts. And at some point, we look in the mirror and we don't see the same person. Where we see someone different. And you and I, we had not seen each other and I think six or eight months, and then we got to reconnect in October. And I was the. One of the most flattering things you said to me is just, james, you're not the same person. And that was. I love you for saying that because I had worked so hard and I had not seen it yet, and I had not seen it until you told me me that.

I'm so proud of you. And I love what you said about, like, yeah, the habits are one thing, but, like, what you do with that information moving forward and the decisions you make moving forward are everything. And I know that you just blessed the hell out of a ton of people with this conversation. I know you blessed me. And you always do, like, every time we chat. So I look forward to seeing you in a couple more weeks here, too.

I cannot wait.

It's going to be great. So where can people find you? And I know Fit Posy is yearly here in Arizona. It's a great time of year to visit us in October, but where else can they find you?

Absolutely. So my website, super simple. It's just jamespatrick.com Instagram patrickphoto our conference fitposium fitposium.com hippitposium on Instagram. And then also my weekly podcast is beyond the Image, and that's available on Spotify and the Apple podcast app.

I love it. And if you're listening and this has touched your heart or landed somewhere. You need it. It too, even if it hurt a little bit. Please screenshot this and tag us both in it. We would love to hear what difference it made for you because I know there have been many along the way in my journey that it was like, holy crap, that's exactly what I needed to hear. And I know that James gave you a bunch of that today, so we'd love to hear that from you. So James, thanks for taking your time today and for being a part of my life. I'm so grateful.

Tracy. The feeling is so mutual. Thank you.

Love you you.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.

Sam.