43: The power of authenticity in publicity, and how this powerhouse can help with Nicole Myden (enneagram 2)

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And I am excited for today's call and show because I know that you are going to walk away with so much insane value. This woman, every time she opens up her mouth, you know, I'm just inspired. I learn more every day. She fills me up. Even when she was just a stranger to me, the very words she said spoke right to my heart. And over the last, gosh, now two years, we've become really, really good friends. She is a powerhouse in pr and I know she is not what she does. Like, that is what I love about her.

She spent her life doing pr. She grew up in the entertainment world of LA and developed a love for writing.

She is the queen of connection and serving from her heart.

You know, she. Weren't you part of American Idol too? Like when it was like number one, she was a PR coordinator. Right. It's crazy. But what I love most about her and where I think even though she's got so much value to give in the PR industry and I know many of you are listening right now and you're thinking, how do I get my name out there? How do I get my name out there? And in the world we live in, where all these vanity metrics seem to matter so much and she is the queen of knowing how to make that happen. What I love most about her is that she speaks in a way that, you know, first of all, we are all worthy to be known. We are all worthy of.

You know, sharing our gifts with the world and it's not what defines us. And you know, in her own journey, you know, she's, she will be the first to say she's just tipping over 40 right now. And I, you know, I'm 40 something plus as well, and, you know, there's so much wisdom that comes in our 40s, but there's so much power also in the pivots that life throws at you. And we will kind of go into some of that. But get your notepad out. If you're driving right now, you're going to want to, like, screenshot certain, you know, times in this episode where you're going to go back and listen and just take what Nicole has and run with it. Whether it's personally or professionally, she is somebody that everyone should know.

And.

Nicole Mydden, I am so excited that you are here. Welcome.

Thank you for having me. Wow. You're hired to be my publicist.

Hey, when a publicist speaks, that, like.

You know, that was so nice. I love you. So I'm so proud of you for launching this show, and I loved every episode, and it's just so humbling and honoring to be here. So thank you for this conversation.

You know, when I first met you, you know, we connected immediately. Like, it's like our souls knew each other for sure, and. And I knew we would be friends. And for two years now, you have been telling me you need to be heard more, you need to be seen more. Do you want to be on tv, like, all the things and.

And yes, I believe that a message I have to say, is important, and it also. It also scares the shit out of me. And as somebody who's a publicist and has done that in the future, the past, whatever that, whatever life throws at you, do you find that happens a lot with clients that you work with? Or is it usually the dark horses like myself who kind of, like, fly. Like, to fly under the radar a little bit, are the ones that you want to work with the most. What is it for you?

That's a good question. So, very long story short, I actually fell into pr. Clearly, it was my destiny to at least do it up until now at this phase of my life. But I went to college at University of Arizona in Tucson, and I studied to be a broadcast journalist. Through an internship, I fell into PR. And when I was in college 20 years ago, no one was really studying public relations, so I had no idea what. But I knew that I had an ability to naturally connect people and see so much in them. Right. So to me, publicity combined, everything I loved. It was like event planning, connecting people, telling people stories. So when I meet people, whether I'm in LA or New York or now, obviously living here on the ground in Scottsdale and Phoenix, I can see why people have created the business that they have and their passion behind it. But a lot of times that comes with people who are. They might be super passionate about what they do, but they might be fearful to put it out there, right? So it's my job to help boost their confidence in a way where they really understand that they're worthy. If you're going to go on a publicity journey as a small brand or business owner or even as a large brand, you have to be willing to be the face of your brand, right? So what does that mean? You have to get out there. You need to be seen, you need to be heard. Whether you're creating your own platforms or you're aligning through a person like me to connect you to the media, to be out there visibly, because at the end of the day, we're all in service, right?

So.

So if we're trying to sell a product that's going to improve someone's life, if we're trying to share a message that is going to help change someone's life, we have to be out there actually doing it. And it's not easy for everyone to do that. And I've worked with clients who like to hide behind the camera, and I like to stay behind the scenes. And I also work with people who love to be out there more. It is fun for me to take someone like you, who I see so much in and say, hey, no, you're just as worthy as the person next to you. Here's the thing with pr.

People want it, right? But you have to step into the energy of it. And it is a lot of work and it's time consuming. So if you're ready to go on the journey and be out there in that way, you know, it's fantastic. I mean, nothing better than another portal or gateway to help people hear your message more, right?

What would you say is, you know, for somebody like me who's more introverted by nature, but obviously has a big, powerful message and can help people. What, like when you say step into it, like step into pr, what is the kind of commitment that is required emotionally, physically.

To do that? Because I think it looks all, you know, I say this all the time. You see the glory, you don't know the story, we see the glam, we don't know the garbage that's going on behind it as well. What are, like, the things to think about when, when we're gonna take that journey? We know that God has this calling on my heart. I have been through what I've been through to take this to serve other people. And, you know, I know when we're in service of others, you know, the shrapnel that can fly at us doesn't seem to, you know, bulletproof, baby. You know, it bounces off.

But what would you say is something that people need to really be mindful of when going into gaining pr?

It's a great question, and I think there's a couple layers to it. So through my own journey of being in corporate world, with working in PR for two decades, I love now more at this phase of my life to help small business owners and entrepreneurs, solopreneurs understand they're worthy of PR just as much as the big guys. Right. With that, though, comes an overwhelm that I see in a lot of the small business owners. So there's a couple of things. Obviously, if you hire somebody like me or you align with an agency to get your brand or your product out there to the masses through media, you're looking at a financial commitment, right? You're also looking at an energetic commitment, because if you're aligning with a PR person, they're going to bring you opportunities, whether it's a podcast interview, getting you on tv, having you interviewed by journalists, to be featured in a magazine, or perhaps an online platform. Well, if you think of that, what I just shared alone, that's already adding into your calendar. It's already adding into your energetic field.

Yeah, you're giving me heart palpitations right now, right? For somebody like me, I'm like, oh, gosh.

And I'm sure for most people, right? Because to your point earlier, everybody sees someone on the morning news and goes, oh, that could be me. Why aren't I on there? You open a magazine in the doctor's office and you say, wait, why was that person quoted? I could have been in that article. We want these things, but are we really, really ready for the comm? And so much of it is actually energetic commitment because these things require us to show up in an energetic elevation, to continue to get that brand out there or that brand message out there, rather. So if you are somebody who really genuinely wants these opportunities, you have to be in a place of alignment to know that you're going to lose control of your schedule in working with a PR person because they're going to be throwing opportunities at you left and right, which is wonderful, but you need to be open to receive them, right? So in terms of time commitment, do you have time in your schedule to actually go onto a television segment one morning, or is your morning routine so rigid and scheduled that you wouldn't even allow that. Right. So stepping in to create opportunities in your schedule to go on tv, take time and energy to sit down with media and build rapport. Get them to understand over lunch or a coffee meeting, you add value with your product or your service. How are you disrupting your industry? What solutions do you provide to a potential customer? Right. Having those conversations are energetically or can be energetically depleting. So if you're somebody who doesn't want to schedule meetings with media or sit with your publicist and go out to social gatherings to connect more in depth with media and journalists who are going to be the ones to help tell your story larger, these are the things you have to think about. I meet with so many people again, who say, I want this, I want that. And then when we start working, I go, okay, are you ready for this? Because your schedule is going to get busy and is busy in a beautiful way. But again, you have to be open to receiving the respect that goes on both sides. Right? So I always tell my clients when I start working with them, if I'm going to open up my Rolodex to you and I'm going to bring in relationships that are going to help you serve more people, ultimately, I need you to, to respect the process. Right? None of this happens overnight, but any PR person working with a brand, or at least how I operate, you know, I move fast and intentionally, but I bring opportunities to my clients. So you have to be in a place of receiving the momentum, and some people could get very overwhelmed by it. So I would say from a mindset perspective, if you're not feeling 100% like, yes, this is going to be fun, I'm going to detach from the outcome and have fun with this and let it just roll and be the process, it is great if you're someone who is thinking, oh, my gosh, I can't even think about this right now. Push it to the side. The reality is with pr, you don't need it in your business. You know, it's a luxury to me. It's an added value for you. It's another platform for you. It's another portal for you to share your message. Does everybody need presto? No. I always say, and you've heard me say this a million times, right? Like, everybody in my mind is worthy of publicity. But you do not need it to define your worth. So as a business owner, you can bring it into your business, just like you bring in other layers, social media, you know, Marketing platforms, experiential events, podcasting, accounting, legal agreements, publicity is another piece of your business. Just like all those other things I mentioned. It requires energy and respect and attention equally.

So do you like, I know because I have played with this in my head and haven't pulled the trigger for a lot of the reasons that you said. Like, I have thought, like, when I do decide to really actively approach the PR part, I want to make sure that I can deliver what I'm going to promise in this, right? And you know, I've had to kind of take my own inventory is like, am I just scared or am I full of shit or am I really just, do I not have what I want to deliver to the world completely ready and packaged yet? And that being said, I know that most people think the PR has to come first and then they figure it out, which there is some element of truth to that. I'm one of those that I do better when my back's up against the wall. But for somebody who's been doing this for 20 plus years, what do you see people, what mistake do you see people make in the timing of deciding about pr other than the things that you said? Like, what should they be ready with if they're gonna say, yeah, I'm all in, let's ride this, receive the momentum. So elegantly put, it's such a great.

Question because I see so many people get this piece wrong and it hurts me to watch because I go, if you would have just done this, it would have been such a different outcome, right? So couple of things to that I'd say first is that I see a lot of business owners feeling like they have to launch into PR because they might see a lot of other people around them doing it right? So for already launching into a PR campaign with energetic kind of ego leading and not really from a place of is this the right time for me or do I feel rushed perhaps because I see everyone else doing it right? Think about what are we launching? Are you trying to go on TV or do press to promote an event that you launched? Is it an online service that you're launching, that you're providing? Is it an in person service? Do you have a physical product? You know, have you launched a clothing line, A, you know, beauty product? It could be anything, right? We want to think about multiple things when we're getting, you know, ready to go out there. So here's something a lot of people miss. I can't tell you how many people I meet with and they say, oh, I have an event I'm doing in two weeks. Can we work together and get press? And I look at them and go, had you come to me maybe two months ago? Yes, but right now we're going to be so up against a wall, it's not going to be a good experience for you or me. And I am too integrity based with my work. And I'm not going to take people's money under those pretenses. Because the reality is that if you have something coming up several months out, any launch of any kind, you want to be bringing PR in several in advance. Because what happens is the magazines work several months out and the TV stations book up very fast as well. So if you're doing something this week and you want to start PR around it now, you're going to miss the boat. And so I see a lot of people create beautiful products, beautiful services, and all these amazing things for consumers, and they miss the boat. On the timing of the launch. And I see it even with big brands who are, you know, rolling their sleeves up and scrambling at the last minute going, oh, my God, how can we throw this together and get it out there? You want to be really thoughtful with the process. So aligning with a PR person or an agency to allow them to do their job properly and help you get the biggest bang for your buck is going to give you the biggest result, right? So timing, making sure you're backing out from your launch, when does it make sense? Have those conversations with your PR person, interview a lot of PR people, interview multiple agencies, find out who makes sense for you. And the thing is, another thing with the launches that I see that people miss on is they miss the authenticity. You know, they're so big on focusing on the physical product or even themselves as the person behind their brand, they're forgetting to just speak to their people. How are you helping people? Right? How are you serving? What are you creating and putting out now into the world that that's gonna help people live their lives better? People want to be emotionally connected to the people behind the brand, right? So instead of standing on a TV segment like a robot, share your journey, share your truth, Share what prompted you to create what you're creating. I think in this day and age more than ever, and consumers are so savvy and smart, they want to emotionally connect to the brand and the person behind it. So as you're launching the. The more that you can make yourself real and attainable and make your products attainable, you're going to also have the best experience because you're going to get that connection to the consumer that every brand and business owner is going for. So authenticity is key. Timing of your launch is everything. And I think that when you're aligning with an agency or a PR person, the biggest mistake I see is that people go for the big dog, so to speak, or the big agency, because they think that's the right one. Align with the person that you connect with, because the PR person you bring into your business is going to be responsible for telling your story to the media. So if you do not feel deeply connected or safe with this person, it's going to be a mishmash of a launch. Those things come to mind, like, immediately. That I see so many people make.

Mistakes on that is such great, great advice.

And I'm glad. I've thought about all those things too. Like, yay, yay. I'm doing well then, and there's no rush. So I know there's a lot of people listening that are the solopreneurs, and we're gonna get into more, a deep dive into that. But for the solopreneur that is the brand, what is one or two things they could do today that doesn't cost them anything and also will feel really good for them and feel like they can actually move the needle.

Love that. So my biggest passion the last few years has been working with solopreneurs and small business owners again, to not only make them understand they're worthy of it, but show them how they can start doing some of this on their own. Because as we know, when we all start our businesses, and this is my second time doing it on my own as well, we have all kinds of things we want to do, and all of these things cost money and they take energy. And so I help to streamline this in a way where you can actually hopefully leave this podcast and start implementing some of this into your business. So I would say if you want to start pitching yourself, there's a couple of things you can do immediately. The first thing is you want to get really organized. So what I would suggest is that you block out an hour or two a week, maybe for a month straight right now into your calendar to dedicate time to actually building out your media list. So how do you go about doing this in this day and age? Super easy. We can almost Google everything we need. So what I want you to do, depending on whatever local market you're sitting in. So if you're sitting here in Phoenix or Scottsdale, if you're sitting in the middle of Wichita Or Chicago, I don't care where you are. Get online and start Googling all your local newspapers, all your local magazines and all your local TV stations. Those three things and alone you can start looking to see who the editor is at the magazine and you can get their email if their email is not listed. When you search Google, you can call the publication or the TV station, find out who the booking segment is or the producer. What you want to do essentially is start creating an Excel spreadsheet or a Google sheet where you can start housing all your media contacts. This will be gold as you're setting yourself up for the best success because you want to have a place where you're not scrambling and looking for all your media contacts. House them in one database that you can continue to grow as your business evolves. And why I suggest starting locally is because you want media to start happening where you're physically based. So hone in on those local regional media contacts, they're so valuable. And go after inviting those media people for lunch or coffee, treat them to an experience to come into your fitness studio or have dinner at your restaurant. If you're a chef or a restaurant owner, give them an experience and a chance to get to know you. Let them understand how you can be a resource to them. Provide value. Most of this costs nothing. It's really just some time and energy into research and perhaps treating them to a coffee or maybe your lunch, right? But at the end of the day that, that's a business expense. You can write it off, but you really want to build your media database and you want to build your relationships. Those things are going to set you up to become that. Go to expert now when that media person is looking for someone to feature, to quote, to have on their show as an expert, to talk about what you provide value in and all those things. So getting super organized, if you don't have the time to do it, delegate it to an assistant or an internal research, research, research. Number one key thing. I say start with that and get yourself organized. The other second thing I would say is kind of to piggyback off of what I said is extend the invite to these people to come meet with you or offer them something free to experience that you offer so they can get a better idea of who you are and what you're providing. The other thing is that you want to reach out to them and make sure your tools are organized. So this is again back to organization. Do you have some photos, high res JPEG imagery of yourself or your brand or your product? Do you have any video, perhaps that you could even shoot on your phone for free without having to hire a videographer of you speaking about what you do, do you have, you know, all these things to kind of organize into an email, so essentially photos, any video? Do you have a website or a landing page that talks about your product, your service, how people can reach you? Is your brick and mortar place up and running for people to come into? Right. So getting organized in all these areas is going to allow you to have a lot more confidence to reach out to media, to actually allow them to get to know you in the time. That's right. So take some time, like I said, block out in your calendar, do the research up front, see who your players are that cover your area of expertise and get to know those people. And building those relationships is going to be key in this process. So again, it's less about spending money to do it and more about blocking out time and dedicating energy to getting that really organized. So you feel most confident to hit the ground running to pitch.

Oh, my gosh, like all of you listening right now, you were just given tens of thousands of dollars worth of advice in the last 15 minutes. Like, incredible. And, you know, I know that most of your. A big chunk of your career was in la, and you and I both know it's an amazing town and city, and it's also filled with sometimes a lack of authenticity. And I know that part of that is what brought you out to Arizona.

And you and I have talked at length, at length about the road as a solopreneur and a single woman on top of it. You and I are both, you know, single women that have built our careers and our businesses without a partner.

And, you know, nobody at the end of the day, other than our pets.

You know, and this isn't a woe is me thing. This is actually, we're. We celebrate this part of our life as well. But I know that after a while in la, you're like, okay, this doesn't feel as soulful as I would like it to. So I know that a lot of people are doing business that they thought they loved and they did at the time, and they were passionate about it at the time. And in the world we live in today, if we're not niched into something and we're locked into that, then we are going to just, like, blow the shit up and we're gonna, like, crucify ourselves if we even decide to pivot. But for you to go from the biggest market, quite possibly in the entire freaking world when it comes to publicity and fame and fortune, for you to take that and say, you know what? This is not working for me anymore. And I know there's a lot of people listening, doing things that they aren't in love with anymore and feel like a flake, a fraud. They don't know how to do the pivot. So we'll go to la.

Yep.

You and I, right now. And what was happening in LA that was stirring on your heart like, yeah, this part of the story's over.

Yes. Wow. So much that we would need 10 hours. But I'm gonna try to mush it together for everybody. So.

You know, so many things. So let me say this for people who are sitting in Los Angeles, I have so much gratitude for the journey and the moments and the experiences that I gave myself in the City of Angels. Los Angeles is in my heart always.

So much wonderful opportunity for me to thrive in my career. Wonderful people around me, so much joy. Right. Beautiful, beautiful gifts. But what happened for me is that I, at 36, stepped away from a marriage only six months into the marriage, and found myself, for the first time in my life, actually stepping back to think about what do I want for my life? Because what I just stepped into is not at all what my soul needs. So I started to look at my environment, the people around me, the work I was doing. And, you know, I come from a generation. I mean, I've been out of college 20 years now. So my generation, the pressure on us to graduate, be in la, climb the corporate ladder, check off all the boxes, you know, make the money, hustle in traffic for hours a day, just for the job and the paycheck and to get the home in Pacific Palisades, and all the things that we're told at least growing up there, that this is what's going to define your success. I found myself almost combusting.

Really just taking a step back to say, none of this feels right for me anymore. I walked away from my ex husband with $0 0 items and literally started from scratch at 35 years old. I knew at the time I wasn't totally ready to step out of la, but I knew that I needed to make some serious changes. And that's actually where my journey started, with focusing more inwardly on mindset, self awareness. Went down a spirituality rabbit hole that I never would have seen coming. And through the evolution of kind of being in LA and then ultimately getting a job at a big agency to work for someone else, I found myself driving to work every Day, sitting in two hours of traffic, calling my parents, crying, going, this cannot be life. Like this doesn't make sense to me that this is how things are going to be. And so I started actually allowing myself to think, like, what if I change my environment? Even though I knew everyone in LA was going to think I was crazy. How could you leave la? How could you give up your career? How could you give up your network? I literally stepped outside, came to Scottsdale knowing like five people from college had no network here, had no reason to be here other than a tug in my heart that was pulling me to come here. Obviously now, three years later, I know that I was brought here to heal and I was brought here to serve in the ways I have. And I was brought here to make the pivots that I am going to make this year. And I feel in my heart that, you know, when we take these scary leaps, we just obviously have no idea where things are going to go. And at 35, when I walked away from my ex husband, what I wanted was to be married and start a family and all these other things. And then I had to actually start completely over. It was the most terrifying time in my life, but I wouldn't change any of it. And I can't believe the journey I've been on by taking that leap and what has happened since I got here, you know, I was able to start my business again. I was able to, able to serve hundreds of people here in this community with this gift and this network from my PR experience to help them understand that they're worthy. Right? So we never see these pivots when they're coming. I mean, if you would have told me five years ago that I'd be living in Scottsdale now and I would have started a business again and I'd be doing all these things that I've done, I never would have believed it.

The hardest thing though has been doing it alone. And not alone, without family and friends, but alone, alone, single. The energy that we put into, and I know you're the same, we put so much love and energy into friends, to family, to our work, to our clients, to experiences. This is not an easy thing to do alone. And I have found myself very depleted over the years. No matter how much I have my daily practices and all these things, this is not easy to do. It's not. And there have been times where I've been on my hands and knees crying and praying to God to give me clarity, to make me understand the bigger picture in all of this. And I do understand it. But to move out of LA and to be in a completely unknown environment and have to let everyone get to know me, you know, and receive me for my journey and where I'm at, it was not an easy thing to do. But thank goodness the universe always keeps you where you need to be. And I've had the most amazing people, like you and everyone that's in our circle and around you, us, come into my life and remind me that we're all working through things together. And even though we're going through things at different times, all of us have made pivots. And I'm finally now designing a life that feels good. I can't imagine sitting in two hours of traffic every day for a paycheck. I can't imagine the energy that my body was carrying just being in that environment every day. Right. I feel so at home here and so at peace here. Whether I continue this business forever or I go, you know, work for someone else, this place has allowed me to grow in ways that I know Los Angeles would never have. So the strength to make that leap alone completely changes the trajectory of my entire life.

It's so funny, when you were talking about all the things LA and the hustle and the grind, I know every enneagram3 that is listening right now, they're like, yeah, that sounds amazing. That sounds amazing. And I'm here to tell you, like, Ms. Nicole Myden, she has a three wing, but she is a two at heart. She's an enneagram two, officially. And knowing that, like, her heart is everything and her heart to serve people is everything. And when she's in a career that that's all. I mean, she's serving all day long. And when she got to the point where she knew she was depleted and knew it was time to take that pivot, and I love that, like you said, you never see when the pivots are coming, but they always, always, always bring a new perspective, if we're willing to see that. So you end up in Scottsdale, I know, shortly after that, like, your world got rocked again and shifts perspective. Like, when we have losses that are so grand in our lives, all of a sudden all the shit that we thought mattered doesn't.

Amen.

And so how does experiencing grief and loss shift where Nicole is going to move forward? Because I know, like, all of you listening, you can have your time blocking like a boss, you can have your branding on point, you can have your eyelashes looking great, you can have the best copy in the world and life is still going to come up and hit you in the head with a two by four.

That's right.

And for you, I know that's what happened. Yeah.

It's wild when I think of the last six years, and I know that you've heard me talk about this, but, you know, essentially when I got here to Scottsdale and started my business again, probably a year, year and a half into that, I finally felt like I had gotten to the other side of that mountain from the last year of building back and starting over. Right. So I felt so in alignment. I felt like everything is falling into place now. And it was just at that moment when I felt like everything felt finally so epic and wonderful and abundant and I was stepping into all the joy that I literally had. The wind knocked out of me. Got a phone call one day from my mother that my father had passed away. That that morning he had been sick, but we had no idea. You know, I thought he had years left. So completely blindsided by this huge loss. And then a week later I find out that my grandfather has also passed away. So basically the two of the most important men in my life who were like two fathers, ripped within a week.

It was. I almost want to laugh because I can't even believe the pain that I endured. What most people forget when they start a business, and especially when you're single, whether you're a man or a woman, to your point, you're scheduling things, you're moving forward with your business, you're taking care of your health, you're prioritizing all these things. Doesn't matter how organized or unorganized you are. Whatever the case, when things are going to happen, they're going to happen whether we prepared for them or not. And I would never in a million years have seen that coming. Those back to back losses took me down. And I couldn't be down because I had clients to serve and I had projects to launch and I had people who paid me, who were counting on me. And all of a sudden I had to be there for my family, for myself, for my friends, for my clients. The energy that I was expunging on a daily basis was so depleting that I literally would sit for days in my bed crying, My eyes praying to God, please give me the strength to figure out how to get to the other side of this, because I cannot go on this way. And it got very, very dark for me. And I'm not a dark person. I think anyone that knows me knows that I'm usually the one putting the Light back into everyone. And I am just a genuinely happy, positive, go, lucky, easy, light hearted person. So when I felt through that situation.

It was either I was going to feel the feels and face this or I was going to just go 20 steps backwards. And for a while I didn't have a choice. I was in such survival mode that I had to stuff it down because I needed to keep the business moving forward. There was so much momentum, I was getting so many referrals and I was so blessed to have all this work. What do you say to somebody? Hi, sorry I can't work on your project right now. I'm grieving my loved ones. Ones. Well, of course anyone with a heart is going to understand, but I still had incomes to bring in, I still had bills to pay and I couldn't just totally put my life on hold. I didn't have that luxury. I realized that I needed to go through probably the most uncomfortable phase of my life and if I was ready to step into it, I would eventually get back into the light. And so the energy, as I was saying, of running the business while prioritizing trauma healing and personal development and putting money and resources into all of this deep rooted healing that I chose to do because I wanted to work through the wounds, I wanted to work through the traumas. I wanted to have that spiritual evolution to make me understand all these things better and not have them overcome or take me down in the way that it once did. Right. So the last, I'd say 2018.

To most of last year, I was having great success in my business, I really was, and I'm so grateful for it. But I was in such a, such a dark, dark place behind the scenes and I wear my heart on my sleeve. So it was really probably no surprise to anyone who was around me how tough it was to continue to fight every day and show up and tell myself every day that this is temporary and I will get through this and I will feel the light again. And not only will I feel it again, but I will fucking appreciate it in ways that I never did because I never want things to feel that dark again. And you know, always right when the student's ready, the teacher appears. So I have so many amazing people here that have helped me get through, through this healing process. I don't believe we're ever healed. I know that we're growing and evolving every day. But I know for me now, almost two years later, the sharpness of the grieving is behind me. I carry it now with me every day in a Lighter way. It's part of who I am now. Those things will never change. I can't bring those people back. But it's really about the excitement now for the woman I've become, using the tools I learned to continue moving forward. And for me, that has been the biggest blessing of just looking back at myself and being so proud of the work I chose to do to get to this place. And while that was all happening, I also turned 40. Right. So for all the women out there, I mean, I may be one of the only people to say this, but I have loved turning 40. But that also comes with a whole other set of emotions. You're detaching from a woman you used to be. You're stepping into a whole new decade, a whole new era of life. Right. I feel like the universe gave me so much responsibility the last few years to really, really step into the woman I kept saying I wanted to be. And even though it came through some of the most painful experiences of my life.

I feel so much gratitude for where I am at today and so much peace.

And I'm so excited about what's coming.

Mm. You know, when. When you've been through things that you and I, and many of you listening, have been through, like, and you've survived, and there's always a beautiful clarity on the other side, even through the losses. And, you know, something that you said, you know, that you're so grateful for it, and you wouldn't change it, and I wouldn't change any of my crap, my messes, because what I have found is, in our messes, our greatest miracles are created if we are willing to look at it. And, you know, that being said about entrepreneurship, you know, we live in a world today where, you know, everybody's an entrepreneur. And I'm not knocking it. I think it's great for most people. I think it. But it's not for everyone. And there's this pressure that if you're not an entrepreneur, you pretty much suck at life. And who the f are you like? Like, you're just a peon who punches a time clock. And I think that's so shitty.

And, you know, my mutual friend of ours, we call it, like, the Bali and Butterfly syndrome. Like, yes, you can work from anywhere. And meanwhile, like, they don't even know, like, what could happen tomorrow. And, you know, one loss away, one health crisis away, one anything away. Like, do you have enough resources that if life came and whacked you upside the head or knocks the shout out of you, like, my coach says, do you have enough resources to go off the grid for a few months, and if not, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? And there's something to be said for this glorified entrepreneur. And I know that you and I have talked a lot about that, too. And so you've even kind of looked at yourself in the mirror, like, is this really what I want to do? And not being afraid to say, no, it's not. I know these people put me on this little platform and this pedestal with this label and this title, and this is who I am, but that is not who I am. I am not what I do.

Yes.

And so what advice would you give to the person that's like, I want to be an entrepreneur, but, like, in my gut, it's like, this isn't for me, and maybe I should go into corporate America again. And what will they think? Did they think I like, will people think I couldn't handle, or do they think I failed? Because I know that you've experienced those thoughts as well as you navigate your own journey.

100%. There's so much there that I want to unpack. It's like, my favorite thing to talk about now. So I think that, to your point, this idea right now of everybody being an entrepreneur, first of all, how about we just say that we're business owners or that we're service providers or consultants, or I help people do this. I don't even. Like, I don't even want to call myself an entrepreneur. Like, I don't need to be an entrepreneur. Just show up in this world. I help people get press. You know, that's what I tell people, whether I'm doing it for a company or on my own.

Dear Lord, please don't label me entrepreneurs. I tell everybody out there, right? It's just become this thing that people are aspiring to do. And I will say this. I left a marriage, started over from scratch at 35, have had no student loans, no debt, didn't borrow anything from the bank to get this business off the ground. Like, this has been built on sweat equity, heart and soul. I don't owe anybody money except the irs, which I have no problem saying, because I'm sure most people out there are also on payment plans like I am, because that's the reality. If you have an off season or you get struck like I did with major grief and all of a sudden can't write a $30,000 check, maybe you can write a $10,000 check, right? This is real life. Like, I think so Many people get into entrepreneurship and don't realize what they have to take on. I stepped away from a massive high six figure salary to do this. I'm making less money now than I did then because my soul craved this so much. And you know What? By turning 40, by losing my father, by losing my grandfather, by getting so much clarity and detaching from this woman I used to be.

That paycheck sounds really fabulous right now, I must tell you.

And that simplicity sounds really fabulous right now. And it's not because it's just a paycheck. It's because I am obsessed right now with joy and ease, and I don't need to be running a business for the rest of my life. Right. Maybe.

You know what's so interesting about what you just said? Because you and I were raised in the generation that it was all about getting the paycheck and the good job. Paycheck and the good job. And what you just said, like, I heard the. The group. Oh, you know, like paycheck. Like, that is like a bad word. Like you're gonna collect a paycheck.

Yeah.

And I want you to give everyone that's listening right now that believes what you just said in their hearts, but they're afraid to say it. There are so many that they want to go back to maybe a paycheck or a corporate gig or working for somebody else, because that's actually what they enjoy doing, but they're afraid. What would you say to those people right now? Because you're in that situation and you've got the wisdom and you've got all the experience. You've had multiple businesses, you've worked for multiple different corporate gigs. Like, what would you say to that person that really maybe thinks this isn't for them and afraid to come out and say it?

So I was that person that left corporate. I was like, I'm not gonna to be a slave to corporate America. I'm not going to sit at a job and clock in and out and get the paycheck every two weeks. That sounds boring. Ugh. There's got to be way more to life. That was me because that was my ego going, wait a minute, I need to go build. Well, my soul's done that twice now. And I got to tell you, my soul is good. I got that lesson loud and clear. I think that what I learned as a business owner twice could be of so much more value to a company at some point, if I'm ever ready to step back into one. This is the best schooling ever I am not here to deter anyone from their soul's path. If you feel inclined to start a company, freaking go for it. But just know that having passion for what you do is different than running a company. Running a company is not fun for everybody. And I'm so sick of entrepreneurs out there getting on social media and saying, oh my God, this is so fabulous and everything is great. It's not, maybe what you choose to do for work is bringing you the joy, but I bet you right now, if we were sitting with all of our friends and all the business owners we know, maybe one out of ten of them would tell you, I actually like running a company. It comes with an entire layer of responsibility that so many people forget when they launch into doing these things. And I think for me, had I not gone through the grief, had I not gone through my own spiritual evolution, I'd still be the girl from LA that gave a shit about what everyone thinks about me, right? So call it turning 40, call it turning, you know, doing the deep rooted trauma healing, whatever it is. But I now I don't care. I could care less what anyone says. There was a point where I used to, right, And I still moved and did things that were best for me, but I did used to pay attention to that. I think we're all human.

If someone's judging me now, I realize that it's their own judgment about themselves. So I can't take that on energetically, right? But.

I would want to say to all the entrepreneurs out there, especially the younger people, like, do what your soul is telling you. Take the leap. Try it. If you want to run a business for you, you do it for a few years and then you realize, hey, you know what? I tried it. I respect the hell out of myself for trying it, but I'm ready to go back to working for someone else. That's fine. Doesn't mean you failed. You've taken a leap that most people will go through their whole life afraid to do. So good for you.

I think it shows insane courage and bravery for that. And to pivot off what you said, like, holy crap, like I wrote in big capital letters, having passion for what you do is different than running a company. And I want to give like an analogy for those of you that are still aren't, aren't buying that, like, entrepreneurship is the end all be all, and it's great. There's a lot of perks that I love about it and there's a lot of headaches that I absolutely would gladly never do again. And it's kind of like teachers, you know, teachers, they are so passionate about what they do. People get into teaching because they love to educate. They know that they can guide so beautifully and elegantly. And then how many teachers have you known that left that industry because there's so much bullshit that only a small fraction of what they actually get to do is teaching, and the rest of it is this crap and political shit and so much red tape that they can't even do what they're passionate about the way that they. They thought they would do it. Entrepreneurship is a lot like that. And there's no shame in saying, this isn't for me. And you know what? I know Nicole and I. I don't give a shit what anybody tells you. We will be the first ones telling you you are brave and you are courageous, and we will cheer you on. And, you know, we, through our experience. Nicole, I know that you'll say this, too, like, we only get one shot at this level. Only one. And tomorrow it could change on a dime. We've seen it through our own experience. We just saw it with Kobe Bryant. You know, nobody is untouchable.

That's right.

Right. And so what is. What is the last thing you would want people to know from you? If, let's say, you know, your life on Earth tomorrow was done, what would you want people to say about you? And what would you want people to take away from your time here on Earth? Yeah.

Wow. Okay. I'm going to try to do this without bawling my eyes out. Now.

You can.

You know, it's interesting you brought up Kobi, because I think I shared this recently, too, about how he had this beautiful quote kind of talking about that, you know, what you do should bring you joy, and it's always part of who you are. But you can create impact without letting your work define who you are. Right. So whether you're an entrepreneur, you work for someone else, you show up every day and you create impact. I hope for me that people just always remember how I make them feel, like that means more to me than anything. Right. I don't think when the time comes, and hopefully hundreds or thousands of people are standing at my funeral one day, they're not going to be like, nicole is such an amazing publicist. It's my hope that they would share stories about how I made them feel and experiences we had or how I touched their life outside of my work, but just as a person connecting with them in the human experience, you know.

I will say, it's funny. I think about death a lot. I've had to face it. Obviously, when you're grieving, you have to have these conversations with yourself and look at the big picture. I know myself has so much more here to do, and I'm excited. But I will say I've experienced a lot in my 40 years, and it's because I've been brave and I've been courageous and I've taken leaps. And I want to make sure that I don't leave anything untouched. And I can say right now, even through all the pivots and all the highs and lows, I'm not someone who feels regretful at this day, at this particular time. And I don't know a lot of people who can say, say that. So I feel really proud that if my soul is going to keep going this way and just honor what's authentic to me and what feels good to me, and saying no to the things that don't, I can only continue to live a life of no regrets. And that, for me, is such a beautiful place to be.

Oh, I could talk to you all day long. And there are times we have, but wow. What. What a beautiful conversation that not enough people are having. Quite honestly, you and I have chatted a lot about that. I'm just so honored to learn from you, to love you, to call you my friend. Thank you so much for likewise, my friend, for just giving so much in this last, whatever time that we've spent doing this. You're such a gift to everybody you touch. Thank you so much. I love you.

I love you. Thank you for having me and to all your listeners. And as we always say, you know, you're never alone. So if anybody listening feels like they are, you reach out to Tracy and I anytime.

Yeah, we got your back, babe.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topic of and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof. It.