44: EnneaTalk Tuesday: How the Enneagram can prepare you for whatever life throws at you

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go. Foreign.

Welcome to another episode. My goodness, I don't even know what week we're in.

Since this whole pandemic thing has begun. I know we're in month two for sure.

And I know that in the beginning of this, many of you, myself included.

We'Re really looking forward to the time, the pause, the slowdown, the forced kind of sabbatical, and then things start to wear off. And it's interesting with the Enneagram and seeing all the different personalities play out and how that happens in my own home and in business and in relationships and friendships and things like that. And this is, this is not easy. This is definitely not for the weary. And if you yourself are having new awarenesses of yourself, you know, this being still thing really does bring into heightened awareness maybe some areas that you get hung up, myself included. This has taught me a lot about myself, but I have been so busy, quite honestly, working with people just like you to really uncover the rooted parts of your personality and how to use that awareness and knowledge to really pivot and navigate it so that when things like a pandemic come up, you can move through with an elegance and grace not perfect by any means, but nothing has to derail you. And so if that is something that you are wanting to explore, I think now more than ever you might be realizing how important that is. And I love working, working one on one with people to really uncover that. I also do groups for businesses and organizations. If you run a team or a business and need everyone working together cohesively and with their own kind of skill set and gifts, then call me in. This is where I love to reside most of the day. That being said.

I flew off my handlebars. I flew off my bike yesterday morning about 24 hours ago. And over the handlebars of my bike. And, oh, I've got. Just got choked up for a second even saying the words, because.

It'S like your life flashes before your eyes when something like that happens. And it's something as simple as a bike accident. Oh, I didn't even see this coming.

It was a fluke thing. I was home free. I was in my own freaking driveway and I had had my phone on the handlebars, you know, in the little holder, and prematurely I went to move it, and just instinctively as one hand was touching the phone, the other hand naturally grabbed the handlebar and pulled the brake. And my bike has incredible brakes, apparently. And in my driveway, after a 15 mile bike ride, as I hit the brakes, I went up and over the handlebars.

Thankfully, I will never complain about o' Malley thighs ever again. You know, o' Malley girls have very thick, muscular thighs, and thank God for them because my thigh happened to catch the handlebar and delay the inevitable.

So my thigh hit the handlebar and slowed down the crash, and it gave me enough time to brace the impact. And you've heard me talk about bracing for impact a lot on this podcast. I've spent most of my life bracing for impact in an emotional way. Holy crap. I did not expect this. This means it's supposed to be said. So most of my life, as early as I can remember, and I'm sitting here at my desk looking at this beautiful little picture of me as a four year old, most of my life, I've braced for impact on an emotional level.

Always trying to prepare myself for a blind side or what God or life may throw at me, because it wasn't always easy. As I flew up and over the handlebars, my thigh, thank God for that. Allowed me to prepare for bracing for the impact that was going to happen. As I crashed to the ground.

I threw my arm out and was able to save my head. And, you know, I got up like, holy shit, did that just really happen? You know, basically checking all my body parts and making sure everything's still attached. And, you know, of course, looking around, did anybody see that? Right? So symbolic for how I lived most of my life, you know, bracing for impact, smiling, nothing to see here, y'. All. Nothing to see here. And as I got up off the pavement, that was one of my first instincts, is to look around to see if anybody saw. And nobody did. I looked up and saw the security cameras that are around my house, and I'm like, oh, God, I hope it didn't pick that up. Because I don't want record of that.

And it got me thinking about it, you know, immediately. Like the adrenaline started rushing in the cortisol spike and all the things and the gratitude, filled, filled, filled with gratitude, you know, my thigh of course has a huge bruise on it and I've got bruises everywhere. But you know, I was intact and dodged a bullet. And when I think about my life, there have been moments that I have felt that same way. However, we can never underestimate.

What comes after the impact, right? You know, even though as a child I smiled through most of it and covered it up with stoicism and walls and even anger and independence and I don't need anybody kind of spirit. Just like then about two hours after the fall on the bike.

The damage was done and I could feel it and I was trying so hard to minimize it until I couldn't. Right. The confusion started to kick in, the unable to control my emotions, which is something, you know, I feel all my emotions. But I have a very controlled mannerism about how I deal with emotions in the healthiest of ways today. Right. But I could feel it. I could feel it and I had to speak it out loud. I was talking to somebody and I was saying, I can feel my emotions fucking with me. Like it was a bad thing. My kids happened to be around and you know, I heard all this noise around me and I was trying to do something and I couldn't get it done because of the confusion and the emotions bubbling up like a, like a storm brewing. And instead of trying to pretend like nothing was wrong, like I'd have most of my life, I looked at both my kids and said, I am going to fall apart here. I don't know why, but here it comes. And they're like, oh, okay. You know, they knew I fell off the bike and so one second I wanted to just like pull out boxing gloves and hit walls and the next minute I just wanted to cry like I was having a four year old tantrum. And I think that that is so symbolic for how we operate through our lives. And you know, I had a whole day planned of really working on some important stuff that is scaring me that I've called in personally and professionally, you know, really taking the time to sit in it and work on it. And because of this fluke accident, I was sidelined for the entire day and was summoned to my bedroom with all the drapes closed in a blacked out room, ice packs all around my head. And it was kind of like this moment, like, oh my God, No, I am not going back here. I'm not going back here. I was trying to will my way out of it and say, no, I'm fine, fine, fine. I'm fine. Feelings inside, not expressed is what fine means.

And I used it as an opportunity to try and negotiate with God a little bit. Like, please, please, please don't let this. I will do all the things that you're challenging me with. I won't procrastinate anymore. Please just let me. I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back because three years ago this month I was summoned to my bed for almost the entire year. And it was in those moments three years ago that everything that is in my life today was being called in.

The business stuff that I'm doing, the friendships that I have, the health that I'm so blessed with today that I've worked really hard for, the love that is in my life. All of it was being called in three years ago in that season of quiet and stillness. And yesterday I was reminded of what beautiful things stillness can do, even when it doesn't fall into our beautifully.

Color coded time blocked calendar, which I had yesterday.

And I let myself feel everything yesterday. It was the same thing. It was a day, a roller coaster of emotions. And I spent all of it by myself. You know, the kids would come in here and there and kind of just pop in and check on me. They were worried I had a concussion and I had all the signs of it.

But I didn't hit my head. And I knew it wasn't that. I knew it was a shift in energy. I did fuck up my body, no question. And I got that taken care of today. But I knew that this was a shift in energy and a shift of perception. And what does this have to do with the Enneagram, you may ask? Well, you know, it was very obvious in my old challenger ways how I was trying to navigate this and almost go shutting down like an eight can when they're under stress. And for a second I was feeling myself go there and I caught myself and I knew that I was going to have to ride the wave of the day or a few days if that was how it was going to roll. And the feelings would come and the emotions would come like a big, big monster wave and wipe me out. And I would be crying. And before I used to judge crying like it wasn't strength. But I want you to know that regardless of what Enneagram type you are, you have feelings and emotions and you know, some of the types like the challenger don't outwardly show that kind of vulnerability, usually to people, unless we feel really, really safe with you. But even in our own private space, sometimes we judge ourselves, even if nobody's watching. And I've quit doing that, thankfully. That's how understanding your enneagram type and knowing where you go can really be helpful. Because in the past, I would have just shut it down like, no, we're going to power through this. We're going to suck it up, power through this, you're fine. And instead, I just surrendered to the process and let myself feel every emotion. And I want you to know, if you're not a crier or one that shows emotion, like I wasn't at least like that kind of emotion, I would show anger all day long, don't get me wrong, because I perceive that as a strong emotion and it has its place. Don't get me wrong, but I think sometimes we minimize the power of a good cry. And I was feeling it coming on.

And I want you to know that crying is a gift to yourself. Does it make other people uncomfortable? Maybe, but that's their stuff. I don't apologize for it anymore. I have to catch myself because sometimes I will will go to, like, especially with my close people, my inner circle, the people that I have trusted with my heart and have said, I know this is a lot to take on, and I know you can hold space for me and having that awareness about yourself to know when it's coming on. So you don't project or.

Even make it something that it isn't. You can sit in what it really, really is. And I was scared. I was scared for a number of reasons. I was scared because I fought so hard for my health and I didn't want one fluke accident to set me.

And I felt that for a moment I let myself feel like, this is not that. This is a moment. This is a lesson. This is a gift. This little accident was a gift. And then, you know, through the course of the day, I'd have to fall asleep for a little bit, and then I would cry for a little bit. And then I'd get angry for a little bit. And then I would get so sick and throw up for a little bit. And for not one moment yesterday did I judge any of it. And as I laid there frustrated because I was frustrated, I was really proud of myself too, because I let myself and my mind bring to the table everything that I've kind of been working hard to not feel. Sometimes it becomes so subconscious And I know that there are many of you that are out doing the do and staying busy. And this whole pandemic thing has probably revealed to you.

Even more that in this quiet, things come to the surface. And I want you to know that whatever you have attracted, whatever is being called in, whatever is being brought to the surface.

You'Re ready for, you're equipped, and you're capable of dealing with it. Now you have a choice. This is where free will comes in. And this is where I used to take free will and just fucking run with it and try to control it. You can do that and keep stuffing it down or, you know, numbing it out or powering through it, which, you know, I did all of the above. Or you can accept the fact that you've attracted this people place or thing, you've attracted the circumstances. You've. You've called this in. You. I want you to know that anything that comes up, you are ready to handle and deal with. And, you know, a few years back, you know, right when I was in early recovery, my therapist wanted me to do some emdr, which is a whole kind of psychological experience, to kind of revisit things that have happened in your past, things that maybe you've really stuffed down or even forgotten so subconsciously at a conscious, I mean, at a conscious level. And there I knew there were two specific incidences in my life that were, that was the case. And eight years ago, we were able to address one of them very openly and freely. And I was able to really have a lot of healing around that one.

But the other one, I knew I was shutting it down. I was not ready for it. I could tell not because I was saying I wasn't ready, but because the memory, the feeling, the experience, the circumstance wasn't coming up for me to deal with it. And so, you know, for the last eight years, I've dealt with the other thing and anything else that comes into my life. I know even when it's so hard, things come to me that are so hard every day. And instead of saying, why me? Why me? Why me? Not now, God, like, no, I don't want to deal with this. I recognize that it's coming up because I'm ready for it, I can handle it. And I know there's many of you out there during this time of quiet and halt and the world stopping, that things are coming up for you. You don't have all your old tips and tricks and things to do that allow you to not deal with it. And I'm here to Tell you right here, right now, this is a gift for you to deal with it. Maybe you've called in somebody into your life that, like, on paper, this makes zero sense. Like, no, the timing is shitty, whatever that looks like for you. Or you have conflict in your life and, you know you're being challenged everything in everything you do, or, you know, new business opportunities are coming up, or conflict within your business, or all of a sudden you've been doing business one way and this calling to shift and pivot into a different niche or. Or you're. You're being called to walk away and start something new. It's scary. It's so damn scary. And I'm in the middle of all of the above, right? And this is happening for you. You are equipped and ready, but you have to allow yourself to be still in that mom. That. And that is the gift that happened yesterday. There. There are some things in my life that I've been resisting in two areas of my life. In business, obviously, I know where I'm headed next, and it's big and beautiful and bold, and it scares the shit out of me. And so I've been procrastinating and staying busy with busy work, even in a pandemic and on lockdown. I mean, trust me, I can organize my ass off and, and go through my closet and I can work out even to, you know, because that's. That's taking care of myself. And it is. And I also am very aware of when I use that as an excuse to procrastinate something that's scary for me.

You know, and then there's other areas of my life and friendships and relationships in my life that are scary for me, that I've allowed myself to be vulnerable in ways that I never have before. And it feels really, really good in the moment. And then there's the vulnerability hangover. Like, what the hell did I just do? Shut your mouth. Abort mission. I mean, every day I start. Start the day, like, nope, we're not doing this today. And the next thing I know, my mouth is opening up and, well, look at those new heights standards that are kicked in. I know there's many of you that are saying, oh, my God, that's so me. And I get it. And it was in the stillness yesterday that I came to terms with all of it. And, you know, I was white knuckling some areas in my life that are scary as hell for me, like, next level scary. And ways that I have allowed myself to be vulnerable in ways that I never have before. Ever in my 48 years of life. And, you know, I wanted to go into regret and anger and frustration with myself. And instead, I recognized that this is a beautiful gift if I choose to see it this way. And this. This was called into my life for a much bigger reason than maybe even I know, and to just, you know, you've heard me talk about this before and surfing and, you know, I'm a terrible swimmer. Like, my swimming skill level is pretty much drowning. Yet I've always been fascinated by surfing. And a few years ago, when I took my kids to Maui, one of the number one things on my list to do, and there's so many beautiful things to do in Maui, but the number one thing on my list I wanted to do was surf. The girl that swims like crap wanted to surf. Because my whole life, I've learned the things that happen in our life are very symbolic to what the ocean is. And, you know, there's the most beautiful stillness when. When the water is quiet and all you hear is, like, the gentle waves and maybe some birds above and seagulls and, you know, it's just quiet and all you hear is the water. And then without warning, sometimes you can be, like, hit with the swell, or you could feel the swell brewing. You're like, oh, here comes the rumble. You can feel the rumble. And then, bam, here comes the wave. And for the longest time, most of my life, I would crash and burn in those waves and panic, much like when I'm swimming and get sucked in and, you know, swallow a lot of water and feel like I'm drowning. And a lot of times when the waves would come in my life, I would feel that same thing. But when I was surfing.

All of a sudden I was like this. This elegant dancer up on the surfboard. I popped up the very first try when the first wave came. And it reminded me that in life, we can do that. Waves are going to come. There's going to be stillness, and then there's going to be, like, these storms of waves. And we have a choice. Either we can panic when the waves come, or we can take a big, deep breath, read the situation, and time it just right where we can pop up on the board and ride the wave. It doesn't mean that it's not scary, or the adrenaline doesn't rush or any of those things, but we can ride the wave. Yesterday, that fall on my bike.

Felt very much like a wave. And for a split second, I started to panic like I do when I'm in water that I'm not very good at swimming in. And thankfully I remembered that I have a choice right here, right now, and I can ride this wave for what it is. You know, it'll be scary and exhilarating and get my heart racing, and this too shall pass. And so for my day yesterday, when I rode the wave of the day, you know, I surrendered to it at the end of the day, I prayed and said, you know, this will be what it will be. In the morning when I wake up, I will face whatever it is. I'm not going to worry about what it possibly could be. I'm not going to try and pretend that it's something that it's not or pretend that it's nothing that it is. And I will wake up with clear eyes, a full heart and know that, you know, whatever I will be faced with, I'm ready for. And ironically, I woke up today fully rested. I felt good. Of course, I marched my butt first thing in the morning to my holistic chiropractor who is, like, always putting this Humpty Dumpty back together again. And I knew, like, I trust him and, you know, did a few things. And today, you know what? I feel good as new. But it doesn't negate the fact that everything that was being called in yesterday, my new awareness about myself, that the awarenesses about certain situations in my life, those were still there. And so after I got back from the chiropractor, I took the time to really work through a lot of it and write. And I let myself cry and I let myself be angry and I let myself be excited and I let myself feel all the range of the emotions because you know what? I'm ready for it. And so are you. So this message is for you. If you have things coming into your life that are scary or make you panic or make you numb or stuff down or any of the things, I want you to know that it has been called in because you are ready for it. You are capable of dealing with it. You are equipped to deal with it. And if you don't feel like you are, that is where I can come in and really, really help you. This is where I like to play all day long. And because of my own experience in all areas of my life, not just in business, but through relationships and family and health and all of it. If you need help understanding how you're equipped to handle it and what your gifts are in handling it, that's where I can come in. You can check me out on Instagram at traceyomally. You can Always find me there if you know, without question, you want to dive into this a little bit. Spend most of my day doing this with people and it brings me such joy because I know how you're feeling and I know what's on the other side of it if you just surrender and release the grip on it. So you can go to Tracey O' Malley.com and go under the work with me section and we can either do like one little typing session so you can have new awareness on your enneagram type and then you can either take that and run with it and do with it what you will, or you and I can deep dive together and figure out how to really integrate that information, that awareness, acknowledge where it comes from and take really powerful needle moving kind of action to allow you to have the life that you know you deserve, that is waiting for you, that you are calling in as we speak. And if this episode has landed on your heart, I would love to know about it. I'm going to spend the day being gentle with myself and kind to myself and still kind of letting my own mind process everything that came up yesterday as a result of my own life flashing right before my eyes. Because it did. I saw the whole reel of my life flash before my eyes in a 1.5 second fluke accident as I flew up over those handlebars and by the grace of God, I'm still here, my body intact, my mind intact, and my heart overfilled with gratitude for this beautiful life that not only I have, but the one that I'm willing to work hard for every day. You can have the life you want. You can. It's there waiting for you and the things that have happened in your life were for you if you choose to look at it that way. And if you need tools to really navigate how to know that with all your being, hit me up. I would love to help you. But until then, here's to Becoming Bulletproof. You guys have a great day.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@tracyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work.

Let's become bulletproof, Sam.