47: Learning to lead effectively, while having fun with Billy Boughey (enneagram 7)

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today's conversation is going to be off the charts fun.

Motivating. And this guest, I know, like, he likes to help you move the needle. He's, he's a performer at heart and a speaker and lights up every room he walks in. But his main objective is to love and serve and care at the highest of levels. And when I met him, I could feel that oozing out of him. And although like he's hands down one of the most dynamic speakers I've ever seen, what I felt from his soul was even more beautiful. And that's what impressed me.

He believes what I do about like culture and communication and you know, I believe that when the culture's right, they can do anything. Companies and businesses and you can do anything regardless of like what's happening in the world. And he likes to like. His favorite leaders are Gary V, John Maxwell and Lewis how's. And he's kind of a mix of all three. He's got the bottom line, ya, straight in your face kind of personality with that faith and truth of John Maxwell and leveraging media to tell stories and you know, we connect through stories. And Billy Bouie is one of the best storytellers and he uses music and fun. He's an enneagram7, y'. All, which, yeah, yay, yeah. You know what that means. Gotta put a leash on them sometimes. They're crazy. I love it. He's been all over the world. He's a former baseball player. We have that in common too. He's a dad, he's a husband, he's all sorts of things. But, you know, what he's most passionate about is helping organizations improve that culture and increase performance. You know, when the culture's right. You know, those teammates will go to bat for you over and over and over again. And when you love what you do, you just do it that much better, right? So I can't wait for you guys to meet this guy, hear this guy. He's got a book coming out. You're gonna. You're gonna hear. My favorite thing that we were talking about earlier is, you know, how to be an effective leader, because I know most of you are in entrepreneur life, and whether you're a coach or a leader of a team or part of a company or you're the leader of your home. Right. I think that's some of the most important leadership you can.

Bring out into the world. But he's going to tell us how to not be full of shit when we lead, and I love that he speaks my language. Billy Booey. Hi.

I am so excited, Tracy, to be on the show. And I think the one thing, just a little dime I can drop in the very beginning is what happens in the family room should transfer to the boardroom. Part of boil it all down as being congruent, to connect the dots between what's happening there. And I would say that in my journey, in my pilgrimage as a human walking around, I've got so much that I've learned, but I have so much to learn. So those of you tuning in on the podcast, I don't claim to have all the answers, just stumbled a lot and learned some cool things along the way. So, super excited to be on the show.

You know, for somebody that just met you recently, you know, I tell people all the time, you know, you see the glory, but you don't know the story. And for somebody that is so, like, brilliant at what they do, like, you are like, it's hard to believe that you ever had a hard time with any of this, Right? And, I mean, you light up the room not just with your personality, but with the effective leadership that you bring to the table. And I, because of my own experience and when people say that about me, it's like, yeah, you see the glory, but you don't know the story. And, you know, in speaking with you, I know this even speaking was hard for you at one point, right?

Yeah, there's a. There's a grind, there's a hustle, there's a silence, there's a loneliness, there's a beauty in success. But it all starts with those previous words. So I believe everybody has a story to tell, and your story grows and gets better or worse, depending on how you view things. How your mindset is around all the things you've gone through. And it also, if you can reflect back and see where you've come from and decide, did that happen to me or for me? We've heard that so much and I heard that recently from Ed Mylett. He said at an event, he said, give yourself mental permission to turn the page. Because we had a book that had the same chapter over and over and over again, it'd be a boring book. And so you see the, the ending of someone's story or where they are currently. It took a lot to get there. I have a friend of mine that created this four picture series. He's an artist. He made this 143 pound pallet wood painting of Abraham Lincoln. And he calls it Lincoln 1, 2, 3 and 4. And Lincoln 1 is just the outline of Lincoln's body. Lincoln 2 has a little bit of paint color, 3 is a little bit more, and 4 is the full picture. And guess which one I bought. I bought Lincoln one because it's just the outline, the beginning part of the story. So my origin story was parents divorced when I was five.

Turnkey kid, mom worked three jobs to get by. Dad always paid child support on time. But I felt like we lived from paycheck to barely the next paycheck. It was a grind as a kid. And I had a speech impediment that I went through in early years of childhood. Had a stepfather who emotionally and physically abused me at some times. And I didn't realize what that was doing to me. And those of you out there listening have had that. I can so empathize. And those of you that are out there that haven't rightly processed what that meant at that time and how it happened for you and happened for your future and for your good, it is so hard. I get it. My heart goes out so much to folks that go through their whole life thinking that was their fault. That's why my favorite movie of all time is Good Will Hunting. There's this moment when Will is in the office and Robin Williams looks at him and says, hey, it's not your fault. And he has to like, get his attention, look in his face like, hey, dude, it's not your fault. And so I had to have that point for me. And I went through, gosh, just gaining confidence, faith intersected my life my freshman year of college, as you mentioned, Tracy, I got to play baseball in college and professionally, which was really fun. But through all that, I allowed moments of my story.

To happen for me and I really tried to rightly process that. John Maxwell has an amazing quote. He said, the best teacher is not experience, it's evaluated experience. And it took me a second to first time I heard him say that, I was like, what does that actually mean? It's not the things that you go through, it's how you evaluate the things you go through and make sure who you are. And so it's why you and I share the love for Enneagram. And when I got enneagram7, I read it, I'm like, yep, of course, totally. When I understood what Colby was, which is one that I'm certified in. I love Colby. Kathy Colby, who's a brilliant psychologist and researcher, created this assessment about your volition of will or how you instinctually get stuff done. I love that. So there's been so many parts of my story that I see now where I am as a human of man. I'm so thankful for every single piece of it. And to put this out there for your listeners too, is if you can't get to gratitude, you're going to lose. Like every single podcast that I'm on, anytime I speak on stages is you have to fight for your gratitude. You have to get to your gratitude, and if you can't do that, you're not going to be good for anybody else. And so I have to fight for my gratitude. I'm probably just like you and those that are listening. It's tough to have gratitude when things aren't going so well. So, yes, that's for me, I'm super grateful. I love my mom. She just passed away a few months ago, and really tough, tough going through that. I love my father. He's a Vietnam vet. Very hard on the outside, but incredible hard as a dad to raise me the way that he did. And so I'm super, super grateful for them. I never want, when I share my story a little bit, to think, oh, what was Billy had a bad family? No, I love my family so much, but it just went through some stuff to get to I am today.

So you go from that environment that was really hard growing up, and with a speech impediment. And clearly you navigated that to be what you do today. And then you go on to play ball and professional ball, and that chapter of the story ends right. What happens after baseball that you decide that you're going to end up this speaker culture shifter.

How do you go from baseball to this?

I often wonder how an author becomes an author. You ever wonder that, like when the person was sitting There just going, huh, I'm gonna write a book, or, huh, I'm gonna run for president, or for me. I don't know when.

Someone decides they're gonna be great, but I do know it has to start internal. I do know it starts in your own heart, in your own mind. Now, do you have some talent, some skills on the outside? I love what Gary Vaynerchuk says, is that LeBron James and Beyonce were born. LeBron James and Beyonce. But they had to cultivate that talent. They had to make a decision. I'm gonna be a great singer and dancer. I'm gonna be the best basketball player of all time. They had to make that decision. And so I started seeing hints of my fourth grade teacher. Ms. Conway saw me jacking around in class and throwing spitballs and, like, being an idiot. And she pulled me out in the hallway and she's like, hey, look, she's looking up at me because I'm, like, really tall as a fourth grader. She's, like, shorter than me, which is amazing. Ms. Conway, if you're listening, I love you. She said, you are a slacker, but you have a gift that I have never seen before to stir the hearts of people around you. You are a natural born leader. If you don't wake up, I'm going to kick you out of my class, and you're never going to live up to what you actually can do. I wanted to punch her in the mouth. I'm like, I'm about to punch my fourth grade teacher. So glad I did it. And she was so right. And I trace a lot of things back to pivotal moments, like Ms. Conway seeing something in me and other people speaking it out. And so if you're listening to this podcast and you know somebody around you has a gift, hey, say it. Part of my keynote talk that I give is called see a gift, say a gift. See a gift, say a gift. How you attack pride, ego, arrogance, and greed in your own heart is when you see something in somebody else. Don't withhold it. Say it. Tell them. It encourages them, and it spurs you on. So I had a lot of people that did that for me. And after baseball, when I got cut, I'd never been cut before. I didn't know what that meant. I just knew that they cleared my locker out and I was no longer playing professional baseball. I had a decision to make. Is saying, okay, what's next? So in that time, I began the next part of my career, which became getting really passionate about leadership and music and Entertainment and, yeah, 20 years later, I'm where I am now, and I have a whole lot further to go. But going back to that decision, for everybody listening, it is something you decide. Nobody can decide it for you.

Wow, that is so beautiful. And I love the Ms. Conway's out in the world that will speak truth into you.

And also the gifts. Like, that is amazing. And, you know, that is, like, the typical thing about an enneagram7. Exactly what she said. Like, you're a slacker. And this. This gift that you have, like, all you Enneagram sevens out there, like, know that these things that kind of, like, trip you up from time to time, you know, they. They can be for something really, really good down the road.

Come on. I love it.

I love it.

So it's so true. I mean, whatever. There's a phrase I use a lot when I teach personality assessments. Like I mentioned, I do a lot of workshops around culture, but I'll begin by giving everyone a Colby assessment, and we'll talk about the difference between fact finder, follow through, quick start, and implementer. And I say this phrase, and I see people just sort of take a deep breath, a collective deep breath in the room, and I say, your weakness doesn't have to be your undoing. And I think we directly align, you know, this, by being an Enneagram expert. And all the stuff you do is people think that, oh, my weakness. I don't want to show that because that's what's going to take me out. No, that's probably the very thing that you need to recognize and figure out. Look, you need to punt your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. You're never going to have a weakness of yours, be something that's going to take you to the great, great, great level. Now, you don't want it to shoot you in the foot. You need to rightly process it and see what it's all about and find out ways for it not to be a negative thing. But, yeah, your weakness, it just doesn't have to be your undoing. I mean, have you seen that in your career, as people you've worked with, they see that as their undoing.

Well, I did. You know, for me to really be able to speak life into people around exactly what you just said, I kind of had to experience that, because the very thing I thought unqualified me for all the greatness in my life is the very thing that actually qualified me. And because I've walked that journey, I can speak that into other people like you can, because something that you said earlier, before we started recording. You and I are very similar in the fact that I didn't want to be put in a freaking box. I didn't want a label put on me. And I resisted all of these things all the way up until I was 40 freaking years old. So that was almost 10 years ago that I resisted this kind of, like, awareness of who I am. And it wasn't until, like, you know, my best thinking, it got me into quite the pickle that I was open to it. And my therapist said to me, when I was going down kicking and screaming around this kind of awareness, and especially specifically with the Enneagram, when I was like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to be put in a box. And she said, honey, this may actually help you get out of the box you've put yourself in and the world has put you in, and. And it may give you the roadmap that you actually need to get out of it. And I was like, huh? And she goes, and no offense, but your. Your best thinking kind of got you here, so how about we just be open to the process? And I was like, touche. And that was almost a decade ago for me. And it was. I don't know if it was the same for you when you finally, like, surrendered to that. I don't want that kind of thing. It was like this. I could feel like this. God's grace, quite honestly, just come and sink into me. Because, you know, like anybody, when we look in the mirror, what do we look at first? The parts we don't love, right? And I remember looking at my results, and I'm an eight. The challenger to the core. And of course, my eyes went to all the real shitty parts of what an 8 is. You know, the bully, the intimidator, you know, all the things that really aren't very nice. And I was like, well, that makes a lot of sense. And immediately I thought of my children. I was like, this makes sense why the way I communicate isn't landing on their hearts the way that I intend. And by the grace of God, he immediately had me turn my eyes to the strengths of an eight. Because I knew if I continued to focus on the unhealthier parts, that's where I would continue to go. And I shifted to all the beautiful parts of the eight. You know, the thought leader, world changer, justice seeker. You know, all the beautiful parts. And I remember writing them down and said, that's where I'm headed, and I'm just going to focus There. I don't know how I'm going to do it because I got a long way to go, but I'm going to head there. So what was it for you to say? I don't want this. I'm not being put in a box to all of a sudden now like me. Like you could have never told me this is what I would be doing.

For a living, 100%.

And how do you end up doing this?

You said a phrase that I love, just the idea of self awareness.

I try to fill every space that I'm in with words. And I had a friend very gently and very lovingly saying, hey, Billy, you don't have to be on all the time. It's okay for you not to hit a home run in this situation. You could, you could get a bunch single and you would still be loved. You know what, you could even strike out. And I remember just sitting there going, wow, I don't have to, I don't have to perform. It's what I'm great at. You mentioned God's grace, like knowing that I am loved just the way that I am. I was created and destined to be the person that I am right where I'm at, regardless of what I've gone through, regardless of all the bonehead decisions and stupid stuff that I've done to hurt people, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And that grace and that knowledge and then also knowing that I'm very self centered and focused on myself. And I had a friend be really honest with me and expose that to me. And then just the practicality of like, hey, not every assessment is perfect. They're just an additional lens for you to see something about yourself. Maybe you should know that others know. Okay, cool. So I remember taking the Myers Briggs. I'm an entp. All right, let's discuss what that means. I like being around people. I'm a thinker. I can shut feelings out at times. I'm not very organized. I'm all over the place. Okay, cool. Got it. All right, let's look at Colby. I'm a 429 4. I push against system creation. I'm not going to be someone I'm going to try to go to shortcuts on everything and if there's risk involved, I'm all in. Okay, cool. Enneagram7. That's interesting. Let's look at what that means as it lines up with all these. And I started seeing similarities and then I started like, as you said, looked at the bad parts of it and said, oh, gosh, I'm doomed. But then I had to go back to the Grace. And then I had to go back to, oh, I'm doomed. But then I had to go back to the Grace. Like, no, this is how I was created. And then when I. Then when I got married and my wife is so incredibly different than I am, particularly on. She's a. What's the helper on Enneagram? Is that three, two, two. So she's a two on Enneagram, and she's a six, seven, two, four on Colby. We're similar in Myers Briggs, but she like, we're going to Disney World. She will have a spreadsheet. Oh, yeah, the car will be full of gas. We know where we're staying. Everything's laid out, what park we're going to, all this. My planning for Disney is point the car in the general direction of Orlando and just press the gas. Like, we'll find. It'd be fine. It'd be fun along the way. And there's no gas. Cool. We'll find a gas station to go. And so I had to look at that not as I'm irresponsible, but as I'm fun and I'm in the moment. She had to look at it not like, hey, you're irresponsible. She had to look at as like, hey, you're in the moment. So it's helped me so much personally. But then when I started seeing it play out of how I treated other people, that's when it changed, because I realized I could. One, I could serve more people. Two is, let's be real. I can make a lot more money if I was about other people's agenda and not just myself, which I'm very good about being about my own agenda. So figuring, figuring those things out, that's. That's where it started. And, man, it's just so freaking fun when you can just love people where they are, right? And not have to, like, man, you know this by doing. I mean, you're professional at workshops and doing this. When you see somebody's scales fall off their eyes and they go like, oh, damn.

That'S how I am. And then everybody around them's like, yes, that's how you've always been. You're like, oh, my gosh. But then it's the grace and the real. It's like, how do you accept the grace? This is what it is. How do you accept the real? Like, oh, here's how. I'm not gonna shoot myself in the foot so, man, it's just fun. It's fun for myself. And then so much fun to help others do that, too.

Yeah, I could do it literally 24, 7 and never get tired of it, because I love seeing the light bulbs go on for people and the gray center. Like, it's one thing for them to be able to move the. The needle, make money, do all the things, but when I see the grace enter and the compassion and love for that little part of them that kind of had to do what they had to do to get through, like, little Billy had to escape and deflect in order to get through probably the abuse. Right. And all sorts of stuff. And dad not being there and mom working her ass off, and, you know, little Tracy had to shut down all people because nobody was safe. Right. Which fits into the eight. I'm raising a seven and raising a two. So I love that you brought both of those in there. And my seven daughter, I recognize very early on that, like, she's why I so intently studied the Enneagram, because the very things that, you know, Ms. Colby said to you. I was thinking about my daughter, you're irresponsible, you're flaky. How can you come from me be like that? And I was like, oh, I don't want to crush that beautiful spirit because she's electric like you, but I don't know another way, right? And so I saw your fault.

It goes back to not your fault. Like, you know what you know, and you lead out of your own context. That's why I teach a lot about leadership is. Leadership is four things. It's knowing yourself, leading yourself, knowing others, and leading others. It's that four in a row, every single time, every book, if you can boil it down. And your daughter, you were going right to leading others. And I love that you reverse back to not let me change her, but let me know myself lead myself, and then let me. Let me. You said. You said this phrase is awesome. I started studying the Enneagram because of my daughter. I love that. And now you see the seven in a totally different light. No, no, Enneagram is perfect. But knowing that you have that heart to want to know her first is everything. So kudos to you. I think that's awesome.

Well, and I think, and I know that you can agree with this, in working with thousands and thousands of people to build a culture, you know, the first culture that was most important to me is the one that God gave me, and that was my family. Right? And I wanted to create a culture in my family that no matter what we were going through, and because when I learned this, we were pretty much at rock bottom in our lives. Right? And if I could create a culture in our home, regardless of the outside circumstances, we could get through anything. And the Enneagram actually helped me do that because I was able to be effective in the way that I spoke to my kids, where they were seen, heard, and understood. It built credibility and trust. And when you build a culture, whether it's in your family or a multimillion dollar business, or billion dollar business for that matter, when people are seen, heard, and understood, anything's possible. And I believe the work that you do, the work that I do, really helps people do that. And I know when you speak to anybody, I feel it from you all the time. And I know that people tell me this is my superpower, too. They're like, I feel so seen by you and it scares me. And it feels really great at the same time. Right. Because as a kid, I was not seen at all. And so it's. It's great to be able to be that for other people. And I know for you, you probably felt pretty unseen as well, right?

Yes, it's a. You know, we want to be fully, fully seen and fully known. You know, that's. That's scary.

It is scary.

That's scary. I mean, regardless, if you're a man, woman, young, old, whatever, your background is, like, somebody like, no, for, like, for real, like, really new, all the back alley stuff that you did to cope, to get by, and man, I'm working with a counselor, therapist, like, working through that for me. And then anybody who says, like, oh, yeah, everything's good, got it all together, I'm like, let's talk about it. I'm not saying you can't, because it's possible, man, there are so many things to unpack. And then as you mentioned, not having the guilt and shame around it, but having the knowledge and the wisdom and the grace around it, then. Then you're bulletproof. Then this podcast is everything. Then you can, like, let's get real. Let's talk about it. Because then it's not to get real to shame somebody. It's get real to say, I want you to be freed up. I don't want it for me. I don't want it for me to, like, be able to hear about whoever. I want you to be free for you, because the people around you are going to be so much better because of that. So, yeah, I'm in the progress even as I'M processing this. I'm out. I'm like, I got some work to do. Like, there's some things in me I need to continue to get better at. So if you're listening and you're like, oh, they got it all together. No, the answer is no.

Oh, my gosh, no. And I kind of just tell everybody, myself included, as a reminder to myself all the time is like, until God calls us home, the work is never done. Like, there's always going to be layers and new teachers in the form of people that come into our lives. And, you know, it's so funny you said that because, like, I do have it together a lot of the time. And a half hour before I got on here with you, I was crying to my friend, like, I have a new experience in my life and it's scaring the crap out of me. And, like, I want to go into all my, like, unhealthy eight ness and, like, shut down and do all the things. And thankfully, I have that awareness to know that that's what's happening. I'm under stress. Compassion, grace, love. We're going to be okay. Right? So when you go into companies and businesses and you're dealing with leadership teams, have you ever had. Because I get this a lot, too, where you'll get the person in charge, say, I want you to come in and fix my team. They're not performing right. And I know what I say to that leader, right? It always starts at the top, right? Always. How do you take a leader? Because I know a lot of people that are listening right now are in leadership roles. What would you say to that leader that wants us to just fix this?

So someone who would use that phrase, I know that they're not ready, right? Yep, we know that, but we can't send that to them.

Correct.

So I will start with, hey, I would love to help you improve your team performance, help you improve morale, reduce turnover, all those beautiful metrics that I know you're looking for to tell the board and to look at your P and L statements. I understand that, but can I. Can I ask you a series of questions before we start working on them? Can I ask you a series of questions to see how open you are to your growth? Because if you're open to it, I know they will be. If they see that it's just another program, then there's not going to be any impact. And I don't want to waste your time or mine. And so let me start with a series of questions and it's Funny, because I'll get one or two reactions. It'll be, oh yes, I'm in, awesome. Or.

I think I'm going to go with someone else and I'm like, cool, because like, I don't have time. That's like, if you're not open, like you're right, it starts from the top. I do teach this concept of the trickle up culture. I think things can trickle up if enough people decide they're going to stand for what they stand for and walk in that truth of what the culture actually is. And they do that. Then the leaders start seeing and things can change. But that's tough to get trickle up. I do believe it starts at the top. But I'll start with a simple question with a leader. If they are open, I'll say like, hey, there's a big quote that I believe. When it comes to culture and impact, it's what gets celebrated, gets reproduced. Tell me what you celebrate at your company and then I'll just, I'll sit back and listen. And that's interesting. Okay, so it looks like you're celebrating financial growth and money. Bottom lines. What are some negative repercussions of that culture? Cutting people off, you know, email snippiness, not getting back to team members, but getting back to clients faster, putting the client first because the customer's always right, which I don't think that's true. And so like, let's talk about some of that. And that usually surfaces so many interesting things that the boss has never thought of before that they don't, they didn't realize that they were just celebrating the wrong things, which is causing the team members just to run on that wheel of negativity versus if you start celebrating the right things, I think the culture can change. That's usually where I start, which is a little bit unorthodox. Obviously we can start with, you know, looking at the metrics and looking at personality assessments and all that. But I like to start with what you're celebrating because it tells a lot about what they value.

That's excellent.

So when you, when you were saying like that wheel like that it's, it's kind of like an avalanche of things. So when you see like the, look at like deer in the headlights as you're kind of saying those things to that person, how do they stop that from continuing? Like, how do you like stop that in its tracks before we start kind of diving in and doing all this other work that needs to be done to build the culture back up?

Yeah, so I had a coach two years ago that taught me this 12 question framework and actually blogged about it recently. And the first question in the 12 question framework is, where I start is, hey, what inspired you to invite me into this conversation? And I'll go there for a while and then I'll say, hey, what does it look like three years from now if this problem is fixed? Cool. 3. What are you willing to give up to get to that end? And if I'll go, that's usually two hours. Two hours later, after you unpack. All that is, I tell people, look, culture is going to take three years to even begin to change. That's just truth. Now, things happen in moments. There's moments and times when you can add things and take things away, but it does. It takes three years. And unless you're willing to commit to a three year process of growth, pruning, we all know when you cut things back in the garden, they grow even better. We all know when you plant new things, it grows. So we got to decide where you are in the cycle. I think there's a powerful moment when you make that decision. I think things can start to change. But I got a chance to listen to one of your podcasts with Jeremiah that you just released and talking about addiction and talking about recovery. And you mentioned there's only 2% of people that actually recover. I think that's a pretty close percentage of cultures that are bad as well, that the leader doesn't take it really serious and say, this is going to be a journey, not just a new program that we're doing. Because the biggest hypocrisy is that leader that says, oh, we're doing this brand new leadership program and they know that the person's heart is not in it. They're just doing it to try to make themselves look good in front of the board. And so I realized that those questions, where they start and listen, nobody really does it great. Like, I can name some brands that have a really good culture, but culture is morph. They change, they adjust, you know, And I sat with Claude Silver, who's the chief heart officer of Vaynermedia. And like, Claude is amazing. Gary Vaynerchuk's incredible. Obviously, VaynerMedia is exploding, but Claude is the one that she's amazing. She said, we reserve the right. We reserve the right for our team to grow, and we're going to grow into what our team is growing into. And so we reserve the right to allow our team to grow. And so I think all of us grow, you know, none of us want to stay the same. So even as you're starting at that powerful moment of beginning to change your culture, you've got to understand people are going to grow with you. And Carol Dweck, Dr. Carol Dweck from Stanford University, wrote a great book called Mindset, and she boils it down to two things. It's not whether you're smart or whether you're dumb. It's whether you're a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. It's one of the two things. And all of her brilliant research, she unpacks those two. And if I can sit with a leader and I sense that there's a fixed mindset, I'll call it out and I'll have a conversation and I'll say, hey, it's just going to be harder for you. Not saying. It's not. There's not an ability. It's just going to be harder for you. And usually people get pissed off at me for about 30 seconds, and then they're like, you know what? You're right. I said, but I'm with you. You're hiring me to be honest with you. You're hiring me to help you grow your culture. Right? Great. There's no program that can put in it's going to help when you have a fixed mindset. It's just true.

It's true. I tell people that all the time. I can give you all the strategy left and right all day long, but if your mindset isn't where it needs to be, it's just pointless. Right.

So this is heavy stuff. Like going in and overhauling a culture isn't all like butterflies in Bali. Right? Like, I use that phrase a lot. Like, this is hard work, but you have this element of fun. And I know, like, you're inspired by Ellen and Fallon and J.T. Mr. Timberlake like to bring the fun factor into doing this. And I know that making things fun and through storytelling and music and whatever else like, it almost, like, locks it in. Right? Is that why you do that or what? That's amazing. Like, what you do. Like, you guys, I might make them rap for you, but.

Not afraid. Not afraid.

I know you're not.

So if you go to elevate experiences.com and even better if you go to our YouTube channel, elevate experiences, we have a ton of interactive games that we teach people how to take an icebreaker game and tie it into a timeless truth. And because I just believe that fun is something that we're all designed to do, it's a common emotion we can all connect with. We can all connect with sadness. We can connect with morning. We connect with a lot of things. I love the movie Inside Out. I love Joy, you know, and I think there's this beautiful thing when you can come back to Joy. So I think fun really solidifies a message. So when we, my company primarily, we do events for organizations and when we're doing a culture change, events are culture. Culture is events. When you're bringing your people together, you want to help them learn something, grow into something. So I believe that fun mixed with a really, really cool truth is everything. So you look at the skits that Jimmy Fallon does on the Tonight Show. They tie into a message. You look at the best game shows, like I'll use Family Feud, for instance. We'll come in and do a one hour team building event with a company. We'll use Family Feud. But the questions will be about communication. And so I'll do a fun message about communication. Then we'll play Family Feud to solidify it. So it'll be 30 minutes of teaching, 45 minutes of a game show, and then 30 minutes of unpacking what we just talked about. And it's everything. We'll use virtual reality to talk about collaboration. I'll do a 30 to 45 minute session on collaboration. I'll use virtual reality. We have to diffuse a bomb inside of VR and you can only diffuse it by the people that are outside of virtual reality telling you what to do. We'll talk about that dynamic for 30 minutes at the end. So I love taking interaction. I think movement is big. You probably know this by being an enneagram7. I think that getting people moving and thinking, not just sitting and absorbing is how you how it best sticks. So I love fun and I love just dance parties. I think just moving and getting folks up. Whether you're an introvert, extrovert, whatever your wiring is, I think just getting out of your comfort zone or getting into your comfort zone when you're moving is everything. So I love fun and I do fun very well.

You know, it's, I'm sitting here listening to you and like I could feel it in my body about fun, elevating experiences. And you know, as a child, like fun was scary for me and I never was really allowed to have fun because I always had to be on, right? And I know we talked about being on earlier and your friend told you you didn't have to be on all the time. And I know that God gave me and birthed my first child to me as a seven because I needed to be able to know what that felt like. And I'm getting choked up just thinking about you and her and all the Enneagram stuff and Jeremiah. Like, in the past, all three of you would have triggered me left and right, mainly because you had something that I couldn't access. And I just appreciate how you show up in all your sevenness, all the beauty of your seven, because the Sevens really do have the ability to change the world and bring new light and love to every situation. And I'm just so grateful that you are in my life and that all the Sevens out there in my life, I don't know how you guys operate. I don't know how you just don't plan for anything, and it's just fun as hell all the time. And, you know, we have a lot of help.

We have a lot of help from the Eights out there, and we have a lot of help from the threes and twos that will dive in and actually make things happen. So don't get it twisted.

No, I know that. But it's when you're surrounded by people that will embrace those beautiful gifts that you have that allow you to shine your light on the world and help create movement in everything you do. What a gift you are to everybody you touch. I appreciate you so much for being here.

Awesome. Thank you so much.

Can you throw it on a wrap for us?

For sure. I'm transformed. My life is different. It's terrific. Nothing scientific. All way to pass away. Everything's new. I don't like. Like to do the things I used to do. And my friends, they can see the change. They say, yo, Bill, you ain't the same. You don't wild out a booger, nomo. I can't understand what's wrong with you, bro. See, I was lost, but now I'm found. Amazing grace how sweet the sound he opened my eyes so that I could see a plan that he had for me. He gave me a testimony and a new song, and I'm moving and strong. You know why I'm transformed.

Good Lord. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. So one of the last things I want to ask you because I, you know, I'm pushing 50 and, you know, with things that, you know. The biggest catalyst for change for me in my life has been losing somebody that I love very much, somebody that's super influential in my life. And I know you recently lost your mom, too, you know, and things like Kobe Bryant, you know, nobody's Untouchable. And tomorrow, everything can change, right? And I know you go and squeeze the juice out of every single day with yourself, and you love and you serve and care at the highest of levels. But if it was your time tomorrow, what would you want people to say about you at your funeral?

Yeah, so on my tombstone, I just want it really clearly said, billy kicked ass for the glory of God. And I think there's a beauty between both of those. One is that's a little controversial, perhaps, but, like, with the way that I communicate, serve, press into ideas, that I not only was the shiny object at the party who is really good at what he did, but he made me really good at what I did. And in my 20s, I would say, I want the shine. You know, let me freestyle rap, let me do my thing. And now it's turned into, man, I love doing that because I know I need the attention, but then I like to push it back on. Like, so what does this mean for you? How can I help you grow into the person you want to be? So for me, the kicking ass part is more of, how could I help everybody around me step more into the gift that they are? And Jesse Itzler wrote this book called Living with the Monks that I'm reading right now. And he tried to go climb Mount Washington, and he got like a half mile from the top, and they had to turn around because the weather was crazy. And he was so pissed. He was talking to his wife who runs Spanx, small little billion dollar company.

And he told her, he said, hey, Sarah, like, I'm gonna go back and climb it again. Like, she's like, great, that'll be great. That'll be a great trip next year. Like, we'll get it. We'll get it together. You can put on the calendar. He's like, no, I'm going Saturday. And this was like, two days from then. I love it because I bet Jesse is probably in the Enneagram 7 land. I'm doing it right now, and I think there's something special that I want people to know that we plan, plan, plan. Forecast, Forecast. Forecast. Look out, look out, look out. And how many things. Just like when Prince died last year, they went into his house, they went into his Safe, they found 60 bangers songs that he never put out because it was said he was waiting for the right moment to put in on an album. And they're saying the songs that he produced could have been better than 1999 or Kiss or little red Corvette or all these 60. And I think about how many times we withhold because we don't. So I think for me, I want people to know, stop withholding, start doing ideas. As Gary Vee would say, ideas are shit, but action is everything. So just start, start moving. The beauty happens when you start moving. You start acting, you start making it happen. You don't wait and you ponder. Now you need strategy, you need context, you need to do your thing, but you need to move into who you're supposed to be.

Billy Bouie, thank you so much for shining your gifts on me and all of us today. You are. I'm just so grateful to know you and to learn from you and to love you.

Awesome. I appreciate the interview. So fun and listeners tuning in. I'm really grateful for your attention and, and yeah, if you were to find me at is, if you go to keepitfresh. Vip, I put three leadership thoughts from my inbox to yours and that's the best gift I can give you. And also on the email that you'll get, it has the a thing called a pivot, which are the four main changes that every leader needs to make. It's a free thing, so keep it fresh. VIP is a place to keep up. If you're interested, follow me on Instagram and all that fun stuff. And yeah, if I can do anything for anybody listening, just let me know.

Where can they get your book?

Amazon. It's a small little website. Just if you go to Amazon and type in Culture Reconstructed, that's the first book it's there. It's in the Kindle version. It's also in hardback. Yeah, I would love for you to jump online. A lot of folks will reach out to me if they buy books in bulk. So if they buy 20 or more books, I do a lunch and learn for their team. So if it's anywhere around where I am, I'll obviously do it live. If it's. If it's in a different city, I'll do it via Zoom. So if that serves anybody there, go pick up 20 books, give them to your team and I'll definitely do a lunch and learn for you. So that's a place to buy the books and love for you guys to pick it up.

Okay? If you are a friend of mine or somebody that trusts me, I'm telling you right now, go buy 20 books today. Like, what he is offering you is gold. Go buy 20 books right now. Let me know you do it. Like, seriously, I'm going to go buy some because seriously, what a gift you are. Go to BillyBSpeaks.com too. He's got an amazing website. With all the things that he does, you'll kind of go down the rabbit hole because it's such a good site and and he's just an amazing human being. So thank you so much for being here today. Have fun in Disney World.

Will do. Thanks Tracy.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tag me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become Bulletproof.

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