48: How to show up for yourself and your emotional wellness using the Enneagram

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast.

And I am sitting here in a towel. My hair is up in a towel as well. And I went, I got up very early this morning and hiked a mountain here in Arizona. And you know, a lot of people are saying, oh my gosh, you're doing so much hiking. And you know, I want you to know it's not for exercise. It is my mental wellness. And you know, these times that we're in the pandemic and we're in month two of our quarantine, Arizona is getting released little by little here. But you know, even those of us that do a lot of work, we have to navigate that as well. And it brings up stuff. And, you know, the stillness is when we can have downloads and sometimes those downloads are pretty damn scary. So this episode is going to be for you and this I know. If, if you have been called to listen to this, please know that it's for a reason. I will keep this short and sweet because I think the message needs to be loud and clear. I know there are many of you that are smiling through this, but inside there's like this rumble and tornado kind of brewing and you don't know what to do with it.

And this episode is going to be for you. I'm not sure exactly what it's going to come out, but I was sitting at my little station where I get ready in my bathroom, getting ready to start the day and put my makeup on and blow dry my hair and all the things. And I felt.

The lump in my throat that I needed to speak now. So here I am in a towel. And.

I've been asking a lot of you about the podcast and how I could best serve you. And this week I kind of knew.

What you all would say, I think.

More of you want to see some like, live on air coaching and, you know, enneagram stuff. And ironically, when I put that out into the universe, you all responded exactly how I thought. That's what you want. And also there have been other signs that really let me know that the work we are doing here on this podcast and beyond is really important. It's what you need. And I am not one that shouts testimonies and accolades. It's just not my style. But I think it's important that you hear that you're not alone. And I've received a couple emails this week from Australia, South Africa, one from here in Phoenix letting me know that this stuff we are talking about is really important. And if you have felt scared to talk about it or you don't know where to turn, please know that I'm here and you know where to find me. Whether on Instagram, traceyomalley, at my website, there's a little contact me here. I get everything. I want you to know you're not alone because a short eight years ago, I felt how you're feeling right now. And this pandemic, like I said, bringing the world to a pause, all of us collectively, down in South Africa and down in Australia, it doesn't matter who you are, what your race is, your.

Income is. It doesn't matter. This is affecting all of us and it's. It's bringing us to this pause that is so important. And most of my life, I've resisted the pause. I've resisted the stillness because I know what happens in it. Our brain starts to take over and our thoughts in our. And our heart starts to feel things and feels broken sometimes because you can't control things. And it stirs up stuff from the past and. And I'm not immune to any of that. This has been beautiful.

I've been able to really unpack a lot of my own stuff as I navigate things in my life that are really hard. And, you know, even though it's hard, I'm really proud of myself because these are things I would have numbed out with either alcohol or work or power tripping or, you name it, food, anything. I would have numbed it out because it's so hard to feel it. And I want you to know that if you really want some healing in your heart, you're gonna have to feel some stuff. And I'm here to tell you, don't have to do it alone. And like I said, most of my life, I felt that I had to do that.

Because the very people that were supposed to keep me safe and protected didn't. And so that belief was born in me that if it's to be, it's up to me. And, you know, there's a lot of truth in that for certain things. But in this kind of life, we're not meant to do life alone. We are not meant to navigate these things alone. And if we really want to break cycles and heal, then you can't do that alone. Trust me, I've tried and it never ends well.

But I wanted to give you a little insight to myself because that's usually what most of you respond to and that's where you gather hope. That's where you.

Feel inspired to take action in your own life. I am not a motivator, you know, because that has to come from within. You know, I may drop a message that was divinely downloaded to me, but I can't make you do anything. I can't. That has to come from within. And when you're ready. And I want you to know that if you're hearing this right now, and if stuff is coming up for you, you are damn sure ready and you are damn sure capable and equipped to navigate it. So for myself, you know, we talk about the Enneagram here a lot on this podcast. And my whole eightness, it's a very dynamic type. And whatever type you are, there's a wide range of expressions of it and health of it and where we go in stress and growth. And in any given day, any given hour, I have to navigate all facets of the eight the Challenger, because I can go from that justice seeking, world class leader to that secretive, isolating, quiet, angry.

Little person inside of me sometimes. And all of it's okay. For most of my life, I would beat myself up for that or go to shame. And you know, you've heard me say before, shame is the silent killer. And it, it serves no one. And you know, as I'm navigating things in my life, you know, businesses and, you know, feeling a call, I've been feeling this pull to really show up for you in a way that serves you best. And I've been shifting and you are responding and it scares me because it's going to demand a, a deeper version of me for you. And if, you know The Enneagram, like the 8 the challenger, our biggest concern is vulnerability. And ironically, that is my superpower at the same time. So I have to navigate the fear along with stepping into what my growth is anyway. And it's still scary, and I'm still doing it. And as I navigate that, and I had a friend of mine, I was kind of bouncing some ideas off of her in regards to the podcast and some business ideas. And, you know, she was asking me why, like, she goes, are you watching other people pivot? And that's why you are. I'm like, actually, I'm not paying attention to fucking anybody. I'm really, really not. And that felt really good to say, because it's true. I'm really not fucking paying attention to what anybody else is doing. I'm not comparing. I'm not. But anytime I listen to my gut and I allow my intuition and instincts to take over.

That is when the magic happens. But that can only happen in the stillness, which, on the other hand, scares the shit out of me. So I know that you are listening right now, and you're afraid of the stillness, too, because some grand, huge fucking things are downloaded, and it's like, whoa, is that really possible for somebody like me?

Like, that's what. What I've been saying to myself this week. Like, is that really possible from a girl like me? Can I really help you? And you're telling me I am.

So I'm going to continue to do it. I'm scared it's shitless to do it.

But I'm going to continue to do it, you know, as I'm navigating my own heart space. You know, I've got two kids that are amazing and in their 20s.

And.

Are springboarding into adulthood, and watching them do that is so beautiful. And at the same time, it's like.

The last 25 years, my life has been being a mom, and I'll always be a mom.

But it's easy to hide behind that.

And not step forward in things that are calling you, whether it's businesses or your own health or love or anything, friendships, anything. And, you know, as I'm watching them, and, you know, they're cheering me on, too, which is amazing.

The reality of, okay, Tracy, it's time.

To take another step forward scares me.

It does.

And I know it's scaring you, too. The stillness. The stillness is scary because.

That'S when we can hear the calling on our life, whether it's, you know, like I said, business and leadership and love and health and parenting and all the things that make up this beautiful life that we've been given. Because it's a gift. All of it's a gift. And in the stillness, we can really see where the gifts can come to fruition. If we stay still long enough in the pause.

And I resist the pause. I've been resisting the pause.

I've been exercising more.

In the last probably two months than I have most of my life. I've always loved exercise. It's always been something that is healing for me. It also was something that, especially when I played sports, it allowed me to get out a lot of my aggression and anger that was not safe to ever show as an 8. Anger is our underlying emotion and ironically is the emotion I'm most afraid of. Other people's, my own. Which is ironic because a lot of my life, you know, you back me in a corner, you're going to get bit. But that was just a protective mechanism.

And you know, with that stillness, you know, I can feel anger come up and what do I do with it? So, you know, hitting the mountains, hitting the trails for runs, hitting the weight room in my house, hitting a golf club, you know, a golf ball. You know, any of that is not about the external ever. Which is ironic because you've heard me talk about, you know.

My health before and I've been tag teamed by eating disorders and it was all me trying to control the outside because inside I felt so fucking out of control or my life felt out of control. And so, you know, when you talk about like eating disorders or even addiction, we are holding onto something we can control or we feel so disconnected that it's like we just want to escape it. But the exercise that I've been really doing the last, especially the last six, seven months, you know, if you heard one of the episodes a few ago, a week or two ago, I talked about what I've been doing and the self honoring that goes along with this. And I want you to know like.

I get.

How it feels to feel like everything's out of control, but you're smiling through it and you feel like you're losing your mind sometimes or you feel like you're, you know, one misstep away from being derailed and, or being exposed and you will do anything for that not to happen. And the last few months.

When I have felt that, it's like, okay, go, be still, move the body. Because that really moves energy through you. And you know, that's something that I've talked about before too. You know, it's really important that we move energy, everything's energy. And if you don't move that energy.

Through your body and out at your body, it's going to become stagnant. It's where disease happens. It's where you block your blessings. It's. It's all the things. And I've told you before, if you don't, you know, release it, you're going to recycle it back and back in through your body. And, you know, especially if it's negativity and pain and all the things, you know, it's like a chainsaw ripping through you.

And, you know, the exercise that I've been doing has been very releasing. I've had a few spills, ironically, I've fallen several times on the mountain. I flew over the handlebars on my bike. If you listen to one of the most recent episodes.

And I know that's more pausing.

And allowing myself to really be present.

And I think as a world, and I know you're probably feeling it, being present is one of the hardest things we ever have to do because it takes looking in the mirror and seeing what we're working with. And no matter where you've been or where you want to go, all you can really control is the right here, the right now, and your response to it. And I felt really called to talk to you today about that and that I know you're scared. There's so much uncertainty in the world, in the financial world, in the health world. I mean, people are running scared. And, you know, it was this month, three years ago. I was really feeling this this morning, like the gratitude in my heart, because three years ago this month, I had called my lawyer to rewrite my will. I wasn't sure I was going to make it to 2018. And I was forced into my own little stillness and quarantine. You know, the rest of the world was going on around me, and I was sitting in this bubble by myself and resisting the stillness, but knowing that.

If I didn't embrace it and surrender.

To it, I wasn't going to make it. And I want you to know that I know you're scared. And being in the stillness seems just so like, oh, my God, how am I going to navigate that? And I want you to know you can you lean in? And if you know your Enneagram type, I want you to look at all the levels of health. There's nine separate levels of health. And when I started this journey with the Enneagram eight years ago, I was probably at a two or three.

For the eight. And I don't want you to, like, look at it and say, okay, that's where I'm at. That's where I'm going to stay. I want you to look at the nine and see where you're headed. And every day you just take one step in that stillness, forward, and you lean into people. And if you need to clean house of some people in your life, you fucking do it. You fucking do it. It's so important because you can't invite in the right people. If you have clutter and you're filled.

With a life of people that don't.

Serve you, it doesn't mean they're bad people. Sometimes their part in the story is over. And you're going to have to embrace the loneliness and the quiet a little bit. But I promise you, when you start cleaning house and making room for everything that is there for you, for your life. I know you have the dream. I know you see the vision. I know your intuition is saying, this is coming for you and it's all good. Even if you've been beating yourself up for decades like I did at my lowest of low.

I knew what was calling me. And even though it seemed so far away, especially when I was looking at the Enneagram and I was at a 2, like it didn't seem possible to get to that level 9. But one simple step at a time, one day at a time. One. One insane amount of courage at a time to lean into people and to let people go.

To open up my heart, even when.

I'm scared, like yesterday, I am so.

Scared out of my mind. I am. I'm dating and, you know, I've been.

Dating somebody that means a lot to me.

And, you know, he's got his own stuff, which I totally understand. And he's a four. And.

You know, where we can go.

Into understanding in our brain is important.

It's good to have understanding because that's where we can have compassion and. But when we have to feel what that feels like in our heart, sometimes there's a disagreement.

It's like, yes, I understand and I'm.

Hurting and both are important. And navigating that and all my eightness and being vulnerable and opening myself up is so hard.

Especially when there's a risk, right? A risk of I can't control it. A risk of I'm going to be rejected, a risk of I'm going to get hurt. Or maybe that.

You know, I don't know. You know, most of my life I've been the chameleon to conform to whatever situation needed me to be.

But I can't do that anymore.

It's like, this is me, all of me, take me as I am. And there's a risk when we say that Right. That it may not be for that person.

And whether it's love or business or relationships or friendships or family, you have.

To stand in who you are and all your truth and own it.

And I did.

And it's scary and it's still scary.

And I don't know what that looks like in business. I don't know what it looks like in love. I don't even know what it looks like as a parent sometimes. But what I do know is this is every day that you show up as yourself in your authentic self.

Not the mask wearing self and not.

The, you know, the stress number that you go to. And if you know the enneagram, you know where you go in stress. Right? You are not any of those things.

You're headed to level nine. You are. But the only way that you're going to get there is if you take one step at a time and you lean in. And I know this was on my heart, not just for me, but for you.

The messages have been coming in.

So much from you. Like I said, I don't share a lot of the testimonials because I just don't. I need to and I will. The calls and the coaching I've been doing and my phone has been blowing up because people are in the stillness and they don't know what to do in it. And it's being forced. Right. Before we could just distract and we can't right now for a lot of reasons. And so I encourage you to reach out to me if you want to really dive deeper into this. This is obviously my calling and it scares me. It's way easier to be numbed out. I'm not gonna lie. It was way easier to not be self aware. It was way easier to be self absorbed and angry and all the things. But I'm not that person. Today I'm a level nine kind of eight. Today I'm a level nine challenger. Which means that the calling on my life is to serve you and to.

Help you and to help you break.

Through all the things that maybe have.

Gone on for generations for you and.

Before you and to help you really.

Step into what is for you.

And so if that is you, I will encourage you to reach out to me. I do coaching. I don't know how much longer I can do the one on one coaching.

And especially at the cost and the.

Investment that it is today. It is getting harder and harder for me to do it because of time. So I encourage you if you've ever felt called to work with me now is the time you've been given this opportunity. The world has been given this opportunity right now to really deal with stuff, and many of you are taking advantage of that. And I want you to know that I hear you, I see you, and I understand you, and I care about you, and I want to help you.

One of the emails that came through the other day.

You know, and I've heard this a lot lately, is, like, when you say, like, the reason you.

Do what you do is because you would have died for somebody like you in your life 20 years ago. And I would have. I was 28 when I realized that if I didn't do something, this was going to be repeated. And I didn't want that.

I didn't want that for my family, and I don't want that for you. And at the time, there really wasn't anybody.

At least close to me. There was nobody close to me at the time.

And so I had to be vulnerable.

And seek it out from strangers or, you know, people that had gone before me. And even then, it was.

It was scary.

It was scary. And I wasn't completely ready to surrender.

But I'm here to tell you, if.

You'Re listening to my.

To me right now, you're ready.

There's a reason that you are called to this episode.

There's a reason you were called to me or you've been referred to me.

Or somebody told you about me or whatever that is. Whatever that is. I never could have imagined that little girl from Downers Grove, Illinois.

Who felt so alone every day, would be here today speaking to you and making a difference for you and helping you make a difference in your own life. So if that is you just reach out, if this episode is landing on you, is I'm glad I didn't do my makeup and that I'm still sitting.

Here in a towel.

I think that's why I got called to step up and just come to.

My office and hit record, because I knew this was going to be something.

That I needed as much as you do. And when I do my best work is when I just say fuck it and go messy and all. That's how I'm always going to show up for you, as messy and raw and real. And here I'm here for you. None of us are meant to do this alone, especially you. So if this has landed on you, please share this with somebody who needs to hear it. I'm going to listen to it again for sure.

This is what bulletproof looks like. This is. This is. This is what fucking becoming bulletproof looks like. You stand on the front line of your fucking life and you take the hits that life throws at you. And no matter what, you get your ass back up.

You get back up. And I want you to know that I am here lending you a hand so you can do that a little bit easier.

So share this. If you love this, let me know so I can keep bringing you exactly what you need. And until next time, here's you.

Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@tracyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand.

On the front line of your life.

And do the work. Let's Become Bulletproof.