58: Loss, love, letting go, and the beauty that follows

Foreign.

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof.

Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And this is going to be kind of a special episode. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to go with it, but it is a very symbolic time.

It was eight years ago yesterday that I lost my dad after a 12 day cancer diagnosis. And on the 4th of July was my uncle's birthday who I lost a little over a year ago. And they.

Single handedly were the most influential people in my life. They were sources of strength and protection for me. And this episode is going to be for you.

If there's going to be lots of reasons this is for you. If you've lost somebody you cared about and maybe you know, you didn't have conversations you wish you had, you have regret or shame around, maybe how relationships went.

Unresolved stuff, if people in your life like both of these men.

I'm equal parts both of them quite honestly. Like if you put the two of them together, that's me, but in girl form. And you know the messages from beyond that we can pay forward. Even though they're not here.

And although there are moments that I miss them terribly in the human form on earth, I still very much feel both of them very alive, especially inside of me. And there are times that I'll speak and hear them or I'll hear through one of my kids.

Parts of them. And so I want you to know that.

The reason I am who I am today is because of these two men. And the reason I am able to be who I am today is also in losing them. And so if you've lost somebody, anybody that has been important to you, this is going to be a really powerful episode, I think for you. Like I said, I'm not sure where it's going to go, I'm going to talk about the Enneagram and these two guys and how they were both unhealthy versions of their types, to be honest with you, and kind of explain, like, how some of the most powerful people in your life and how you can use what you've learned from them for something beautiful, even if they weren't the healthiest. You know, my dad was an alcoholic. I believe my uncle had a lot of those tendencies as well. You know, I've told you before, I was born Irish, you know, born to drink and fight, and these boys were no different. Like, where do you think I learned it? From these two, specifically. But as I navigate this with you and stuff comes up for you, because I know it will, because you guys are telling me, like, when I speak, it's like I'm talking right to you. And I am. And the reason I do is because, boy, would I have wished, would I have what I would have done for a message like this. Twenty years ago, when I started to unpack my stuff, I was 28 years old the very first time I realized that I couldn't outrun, you know, some of the things I grew up with. And I'm not saying it's all bad. You know, sometimes the things that we grow up with, they're beautiful, and we still need to unlearn a lot of the things, you know, even the beautiful things sometimes. Quite honestly, like, there's all these different ways that, you know, as we age. And this is the thing about pushing 50 that I love, is the perspective and the wisdom that comes with it. And I can speak of this without feeling guilty for speaking my truth and my perspective. And that's one of the things that I notice when I'm working with people. And if this is something you need to unpack, please reach out. This is what I do all day long, is helping people just like you, just like me 20 years ago, that have these feelings, but there's so much shame or guilt attached to it that we just sweep it under the rug or overachieve or we marry something else, or we do. We try to just, like, run from it. But I'm here to tell you, you can't outru, outwit, outlast out, think, outsmart any of this. It will catch up to you. And even if it manifests in a different way, and, you know, it could even manifest in tremendous amount of success on paper, but if we don't feel fulfillment or we're missing something or it feels lonely, all those things I'm here to tell you I spend my days doing this because I would have died for a me 20 years ago. And I don't mean that in a cocky way, but I know the power in unpacking some of this. And it doesn't have to be a blaming game. It doesn't have to be be like, I had shitty parents. It doesn't have to be any of that. Because as a parent myself of two 20 somethings, you know, I know that I did the best I could. I did. And I didn't always get it right. But damn it, you know, I have learned to humble myself enough to say, you know what? This is what I was taught, told and modeled. It came from good places sometimes, not always, but most of the time it was with the best intention. And it still wasn't what Tracy needed to be who I wanted to be in the world. So as I kind of talk about this, I want you to know that although, you know, it's sad that my dad hasn't been able to see how life has transpired and my uncle wasn't here to see certain things that I know that he really has a hand in even from his eternal life. I know that they're working together up there and they're very much with me, if you choose to look at it that way. I know it's sad that we don't get to hear the laughs. I miss both of their laughs and I miss the way that both of them smelled and my God, the hugs. Like, nobody hugged better than those two. And although, like, in physical form, I miss that. I feel like I'm getting hugged every day in my heart by them. And so this episode is for you if you've lost somebody or you have regret around, maybe things that weren't said before they left you. Through the last few months, we have experienced that life can change in an instant, whether it's through a global pandemic or, you know, world issues that are so real and so raw and how fast things can change. And I want you to know that you don't have to spend one more day with any regret or guilt or shame that you can unpack this stuff and feel really good about it and heal a lot and break patterns and does it mean the people involved will always be on board? No. You know, I've said a lot the last few weeks you can love people very, very, very, very, very, very much and not be in relationship with them. And it's sad. And there's moments that, you know, I wish it was different and it isn't always that way. So, you know, it was eight years ago yesterday that I lost my dad. And like I said, it was a 12 day cancer diagnosis. There was literally Father's Day. A week later I got the call and 12 days later he was gone. And my dad was an Enneagram 8 for sure. And so am I. I'm an Enneagram 8 as well. He very much, you know, when he drank, he leaned into a seven wing. He was always the life of the party. He's way more outgoing than I was. He loved to be around friends and people where I'm more.

More reserved and introverted than my dad was. My dad used his nine wing when it came, he was very much Yoda. Like he helped people with the hardest things to talk about, which was death. You know, he was financial planning and he did life insurance with people. And ironically, my uncle, who is single handedly the most influential person in my life, he was my protector. And you know, I think people that aren't our parents sometimes can see things from a different view. You know, I know both my kids are very close with people that aren't me because I just think that there are people in our lives, whether it's an uncle, an aunt, you know, a mentor, a friend, whatever that is, that can see things a little bit different. And my uncle was always that person.

From the time I was a little girl, he recognized that I was that quiet kid that did what she was told to do that nobody ever worried about. Like, you know, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. You've heard that expression. And I certainly was never the squeaky wheel to a fault. I'm still that way. Like I almost to a fault. I won't ask for help, I won't speak up. Sometimes with certain things, especially if it feels like weak or vulnerable. And my uncle saw that. And from the time I was six or seven, my very first memories. And there's about four or five instances in my life where boy did he step in and protect me. And you know, losing him a year ago was really, really hard, you know, almost harder than my dad in a different way. I mean, they had very different roles in my life. My dad was really the one who taught me the wisdom and business sense and integrity in business and the suck it up part, which that can be good and also not so good. You know, my dad as an enneagram 8, very rarely showed any kind of emotional weakness unless it was anger. Because if, you know, the eights, you know, we have explosive anger, especially when we aren't the healthiest. I can cut, you know, instead of ready, aim, fire. We're like, fire, aim. You better be freaking ready. And my dad was very much that way, especially if alcohol was involved, which was a daily occurrence for the most part. And I know in losing him, I was able to take some of those lessons and the wisdom and, you know, at the same time, I decided to get sober around that time and switch careers completely. And I was in the car industry before, which is not knocking you if you're in the car industry, but it's a very not so integrity filled industry. It's very cutthroat and very male dominated. And a lot of times you have to leave your soul at the door. And so after my dad passed away.

I really took a look at my life. I had just turned 40, my kids were starting to act out. My life was like, not great. I was in a relationship with a guy that was pretty much just like my dad. And I was like, this is not working. None of this is working. And, you know, I took all the good parts of my dad, you know, that Yoda wisdom, that fun loving part, minus the whiskey and that intensity of innate, and I turned it to something good, you know.

And it's been hard, you know, when you have to change the level of health that you go from pretty much overnight. Talk about growing pains. And, you know, muscle memory is a real thing. And after 40 years of, you know, using those, inflexing those emotional muscles, one way to really stretch them and grow them in a different way and remove tons of people from your life and financial security from your life and, you know, really strip off the masks and let people see who you are. And if you know, the Enneagram 8 at all.

Being exposed, being vulnerable, being perceived remotely as weak is our biggest fear. We would rather die. And I pretty much ripped all of it off overnight and let the world start to see me little by little at the same time. My uncle, who is an enneagram 3 hardcore 3 hard hardcore 3 stepped in and he's always been there. But when my dad passed away, it was next level. We had many conversations and he, you know, private conversations, and.

We had a special understanding. Yet there were some things we'd never talked about until our last conversation. And you know, my uncle as an enneagram3, he worked with my dad. My dad was his mentor and they, I think they were 13 years apart. So my uncle was 18. So that would have made my dad 31. When my dad brought my uncle into the business that they were in. And my uncle, as a three, you know, he was all about success and image and what that looks like. And my uncle would walk in a room, and everybody knew Mike was there. Like, Mike was the life of the party and that larger than life. Like, you knew who he was. I mean, he's thrown out the first pitch at Wrigley Field. He's been awarded, you know, at Ellis island, and, you know, he's been on all these boards and known in the city of Chicago as a big deal, and he liked it that way. But as a three, sometimes that would come at the sacrifice of relationships or if people got in the way of that, sometimes, you know, they were dead to him. You know, it was, he loved you or he didn't. And I'm grateful that I was always one of those that was loved. But learning from an Enneagram 8, that was pretty unhealthy, and an Enneagram 3, that wasn't always the healthiest. But both of them had the biggest, softest, beautiful hearts. You just didn't always see it in the delivery that you needed sometimes.

You know, I've talked at length about both of them with people. They were the most sensitive men I've ever met in my life. And yet sometimes their delivery, my God, could crush you. And I remember the last fight my uncle and I had was probably, gosh, four years ago.

And I'm not saying his message to me wasn't warranted. I deserved what he was trying to say. And I remember telling him that, like, you are so lucky that I've done the work I have, because your delivery freaking sucks. It's awful. He's like, all right, touche. And I was one of the few people that could say that to him. And, you know, one of our last conversations.

It was the last in person conversation I had with my uncle, and it was about 40 days before he passed away. And, you know, I was kind of talking to him about the ways that I have felt safe because of him. And it's the only person that I've ever felt completely safe with up until that point. And the only man in my life that I would ever trust to protect me and protect my heart. And, you know, I went through some instances.

In which he protected me. And there was an incident, an incident when I was 10 years old that we hadn't ever talked about since it happened. And, you know, so much of that incident I had suppressed. It hadn't come to the surface, and I wasn't even sure completely of the details on It. And I remember when I brought it up, I almost saw like the blood drain out of his face. And it was confirmation that he knew exactly what I was talking about. And I remember very clearly as a 10 year old when that incident happened, that he would always have my back, that he would always be the one that would protect me and see things in me and around me that nobody else did. And although he was hard, he was hard to impress. And you know, his constant phrase, both of them would always get your head out of your ass. Get your head out of your ass. But being influenced so heavily by an enneagram 3 and enneagram 8 is no easy task. But I've been able to bring the best of both of them to what you see today. I have the justice seeking, truth telling intensity.

Integrity, intensity. I've said that a couple times now of my dad and the Yoda wisdom. With a nine wing, you have the ability to see the bigger picture of things. And especially when you're healthy and are confident in your stand on that, you make people feel seen, heard and understood, which is one of my superpowers. And my dad had a funny way of doing that, especially with his clients. Not so much with me. As a kid, I very rarely felt seen, heard and understood by my dad in real time. Looking back, I can kind of see it, but his messaging was so, like skewed. I could not see that at the time, but being able to look at it with different eyes today, even though he's not here. And I wish I could tell him thank you for these things, but I know he knows it. And the best way to thank these people is to live out loud and pay that forward. So if you're living with a regret, there's a way that you can have these conversations with them and that's by paying it forward. Just so you know, because I know there's many of you hurting out there that have lost people that, you know, meant a lot to you. And maybe you didn't express it with my uncle. That three, that achiever quality, that larger than life, that, that part of him where I could see him work a room, I learned that from him. I also watched him let people get a little too close and he got burned a lot. And so because I'm an enneagram8, I kind of am guarded anyway. But I could take on that larger than life, three achiever like things. That's why a lot of people think I'm a three. That's why my own therapist thought I was a three. The Achiever, because I can, I can play that part very, very well. I learned from him from, from the time I was a little, little girl. And watching them together, I also watched them beat the shit out of each other. I mean, you gotta love the Irish. We are passionate and we are intense and we are loving and loyal and we fight hard and we play hard and we. And there were many, many, many, many, many times I watched my dad and my uncle, the two most important men in my life, beat the ever loving shit out of each other right in front of me. And.

It also taught me to be afraid of anger. And you know, I was talking to my therapist this last week and a lot of this has to do with both these men. So I think it's very valid around my own patterns. And you guys have heard me talk about like exploring new areas of my life that I haven't in time and you know, otherwise known as letting men into my life, which has not been something that I have done in almost a decade because I want to be healthy with that. Right. And I recognize that there was so much.

I don't know the right word to say around it, but there was so much that was dysfunctional in those relationships with both of them that I knew I needed to do some work and healing around before I even entertained the thought of that. But, but over the last few weeks, I've talked to my own therapist a lot about my own patterns with it. And you know, the fact that I was so afraid of anger, especially with those two, because it was so intense that I would sacrifice myself a lot of the time I wouldn't speak up, I would. You know, when that incident happened when I was 10 years old, I had the choice to speak up about what actually happened and I didn't because I was afraid, quite honestly, of the anger from my uncle, like, and what would happen.

Long story short, I was afraid that somebody would get in big trouble or dead or it would be very, very bad. So, you know, I kind of learned to sacrifice my own feelings and my own needs because I was afraid of the anger and you know, identifying where that thing with alcohol came in because I've been asked a lot about my alcohol stuff because I was never like your typical, what you would see, you know, fall down drunk, like everyday drinker. I was never that. I was never physically dependent on it. I didn't need it every day. I didn't have to go through a detox. I was very much a situational drinker. But when I drank, it became unpredictable and quite Honestly, a lot of the times, especially towards the last two years, when I was miserable in my work life and my relationship and my kids and I really, really realized that I was about to repeat history and I didn't want that, but I didn't know a different way.

I recognized that when I drank, that anger, my own anger that I had suppressed for decades would come out. Because most of my life I had spent not laying down boundaries, especially when it came to men relationships. I never asked for what I needed. I just became the chameleon. And, you know, it's very much like how an eating disorder was for me. Like stuffing the feelings, stuffing the feelings, stuffing the feelings. And then it's got to blow at some point, right? And the same thing was true with alcohol and.

Really being able to identify that pattern. Thankfully, I've done a lot of work and I can have compassion for myself. And instead of going to shame, which I used to do, and you know, you've heard me talk about like shame being the silent killer.

It doesn't serve any good, right? Compassion does. And understanding that, first of all, that's what was modeled for me. I was modeled drinking early on. I think my first drink was at 10 months old. There's a picture of it even. It's cute, but it's not so cute when you think about how it all played out. But that's for another day. But, you know, really identifying like the patterns. And as far as alcohol goes.

It was like the pressure valve. And I talk about this a lot when I'm coaching with people. If you're familiar with the instapot, you know that pressure cooker thing that everybody had a couple years ago, everybody wanted an instant pot, but nobody knew what to do with it, right? And it's like this high speed, high pressure cooking. And I've operated most of my life like an instant pot. Like high pressure. Just turn it up, crank it up. But if you ever use the insta pot, you know, when, when it's done, you gotta release that little pressure valve and it's like hissing at you. And if you're not careful and release it too fast, it can. It can be kind of explosive. And that's kind of how I was whether it was active and my eating disorder and stuffing feelings with a lot of other things or whether it was alcohol and the anger needed to come out. And so in working through a lot of this myself as an enneagram8 and you know, having compassion, because in my mind as an 8, if I was unhealthy, I would go into, oh my God, I'm so fucking weak. And like the fact that I'm even telling you guys all of this is so powerful as an enneagram 8 because this is super vulnerable for me to even talk about this, right?

But.

When you can understand and have a level of self awareness about yourself and you know, it's never fun when we lose people to death, to divorce, to, you know, they're part of the story being over, whatever the case is, right. You know, when they're gone in the physical form, there's. There's no turning back. Right? But loss is loss and you know, I've lost relationships in my life that felt like death. So I don't want to minimize any of that. And I know there's many of you that are dealing with loss of relationships, but they're still alive and sometimes those can be even harder losses, right? But I want you to know that in loss, in grief, there is always a beautiful message and a beautiful blessing. If we choose to see that, it doesn't mean we don't have to go to through the stages of grief because they're all very, very important.

You can't bypass any of them to get to the healing point. Trust me, I've tried.

But if you allow yourself to take the ride in a healthy way, and if you need help, that's what I'm here for. There's a lot of beautiful things you can learn about yourself. And in the same time, you can honor some of those relationships, even the really shitty ones. Like, like I said, I mean, I've lost relationships in my life that felt like a death. And looking back, all of them needed to go, all those relationships needed to end. And there were some relationships that ended very volatilely, violently. And I can still look at each and every one of those today with gratitude, with compassion, not just for myself, but even for them.

And really take each experience that life gives you and use it for something beautiful. Whether it's how you raise your children.

How you take care of your personal health. Right. I know that I won't operate in the same unhealthy ways that the people that I've lost have. Like the stress of those two men. Like it's no surprise both of those two were the first two to go in our family because they carried stress. They were so stoic with it. They never expressed it unless it was anger or drinking or things like that. And you know, with the gift in losing them, if you can find a gift in that for my health wise is you know, I learned that I needed to deal with some emotional stuff that I had stuffed. I mean, I was modeled suck it up, power through it. And I saw what that did to their health. Right. Like I said, parenting. I have used the experience not just with those two men, but other relationships I've. I've had in my life. And, you know, whether it was divorce or other relationships and how I showed up and how I could do things differently. And it doesn't mean you have to point the finger at anybody, because here's the thing. We always have a choice on what we take from a situation. We always have a choice who we enter relationship with. And, yes, family too. Just because they're blood doesn't mean that you have to be in relationship with them all the time. And that's been a hard thing to really come to terms with and deal with over the last few years specifically, especially the healthier I get. I realize that not everybody's on board with that. And it's painful, and it's very, very painful when some horrible things come thrown at you. And, you know, I encourage you, especially when family is concerned, that if that's happened to you, you don't always have to be in relationship with people that you love very, very much. Just a little side note there. But any loss that you've had in your life is here to teach you something. And we are not meant to wallow in that. We do feel the sadness that is part of grief. We do feel the anger, which is part of grief. We do try to barter. And all the stages of grief that there are, we do have to go through that. But on the other side of it, especially if we are surrendering to the process and open to it, the miracles and the messages and the blessings that have come from that, especially with the loss of these two, I feel them with me more today than when they were here on Earth. I really, really do. And because they were so intense, there's a softness to their messaging today. And I know, without a doubt, there are days that I feel like my dad is up there kind of teaching my uncle the ways of maybe some softness and not so much the bull in the china shop. And I also know that my uncle kind of greeted my dad and filled him in on how things have gone since he has left us eight years ago. It's hard to believe it's eight years. I will never forget the moment that I knew that I was gonna lose him and everything about my life changed in an instant.

And.

Yeah, it's hard to believe a lot of life has happened in the eight years and there are moments that I wish that my dad could physically see this. But if I'm being really, really honest, I'm not quite sure I could have done what I've done if he was still here on earth. And I mean that with so much love.

I think sometimes, especially when we have somebody that is such a strong influence and both of them were. There are areas of my life I absolutely know without a doubt I would not have moved forward in if my uncle was still here because nobody could protect my heart like he could. And so my willingness to open my heart up to a man specifically was not going to happen. I believe as long as he was here. And my uncle's timing is fascinating to say the least. And as far as my dad goes, because, you know, my very first memory of my dad as a four year old was be whatever he needs me to be in order to be worthy of his love, acceptance, approval and attention. And all 40 years that I had my dad, I operated in that regard when it came to him. So I, looking back, I mean, I don't know for sure, but I'm not quite sure I could have done what I've done in my life in the last eight years if my dad was still here present on earth. And, and there are times I feel like my dad sacrificed his life a little bit or his life was sacrificed so that I could step into the calling that was always in that little girl at 4 years old that bought into a belief that she needed to be anything but exactly who she was. And it's been a full evolution process. And I know, you know, with the events of 2020 so far, we're only at halftime, folks, we are only at halftime. And I hope you have used 2020 and maybe some loss. You know, perspective shifts on how fragile life is that, you know, you don't get caught up in the fear mongering and into the media stuff and just really tap into your own intuition and your own instincts. And the only way you're going to be able to do that is to be fully present with yourself and try to, you know, clear your mind a little bit. And that might mean, you know, releasing people, places and things from your life. And I, and I want you to know I know how hard that is to do, but it's necessary, it's necessary. And when it's necessary and when you do it, it's possible, it's possible for you to step into exactly what you are always called to do. But you're gonna have to do some hard things along the way. And sometimes it's grieving people you've lost. And, you know, I think that if my dad. But we're here today.

Seeing what I've done. Not just, you know, obviously in work and financially. I mean, that man spoke finances to me from my first memories with my dad, was talking to me about money and taxes and investing and, I mean, I'll never forget as a little girl with my big green eyes looking up at him and him telling me to learn how to make money. When I slept, I was like, what the hell do you mean?

But I know that aside from what I can do in business, you know, if he looked at my kids today and my son specifically, who's so much like him in a lot of ways, and.

You know, how I've done a lot of this on my own the last 13 years as a single mom, and.

How I've softened a little bit and taken the very best parts of him and added a lot of softness to it. And if my uncle were here today and he saw me, you know, take charge, he got to see a lot of this. And he was always the one cheering me on and very proud of me and one of the very few that did, actually.

I know that.

You can learn a lot from those that have left us and really pay forward the gifts that they have taught you. Even if it was hard with them, my dad and me, it was hard. It was really hard. And there were a lot of conversations that didn't happen that I wish did. And. And over the last eight years, I've been able to kind of have those in a way that is living out loud. And it's like this living amends kind of thing. And I know that if my dad had to do it differently, he would have, too. Maybe, maybe not.

But he's kind of living out loud through me. And I don't know why I felt called to share all this with you. You know, living with an unhealthy 8 and a not so healthy 3, being my greatest influences, and really taking the best of all of that and turning it into beautiful gifts, and I don't always get it right. Especially lately I've been on a roll where it's like, this is scary shit. Life is scary sometimes. And yet I get up every day and I take what I can from the messages that I've learned from those I've lost and those that have left and those that have enter. And every day I wake up to be the very Best me I can. And if this message gets to you and maybe inspires you to allow yourself to grieve through all of it, not just stay stuck in one stage. A lot of people stay stuck in the stage of sadness and shame and regret and, you know, about things that they can't change. Today, if this does nothing but encourages you to feel the full range of grief and then use it for something powerful and beautiful so that you can actually live out a legacy that you're proud of, that feels really good that you know that if you've chosen to have kids that they carry forward one day and know that you're just not always going to get it right. And this is a process. And every day that I wake up and I'm like, okay, I'm going to learn some cool shit about myself today, and it isn't always going to be pretty, but you know what? I'm going to take what I can and learn from it and move forward. And I know that if my uncle and my dad were both alive today, that they would be really proud and hopefully learn a little bit from me, too. So I don't know if, dad, if you're up there in heaven listening to me right now, I hope that you're having a great time with Uncle Mike and your sister Kate, who we also lost this last year, and that you all are.

Looking down on me, and I hope I'm doing you proud. And for those of you that are listening right now that maybe needed to hear this message today, this is what becoming bulletproof is part of. And it, you know, it doesn't mean that we don't feel the hurt or the hits that come and nail us right in the heart, but, you know, taking those hits and making the best life possible with it and standing up resilient and standing on the front line of your life so that you can create a legacy you're proud of. That's what it's all about. So if this landed on your heart, I'd love to hear about it.

I couldn't have done this without all of you listening.

It's interesting. It all matters. That's all I gotta say about that. So here's to becoming bulletproof, y'. All.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want please head head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand.

On the front line of your life.

And do the work.

Let's become bulletproof. Sam.