59: Growing your faith muscles through broken promises with Deanna Falchook

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I'm smiling as I'm saying this because I'm looking at one of my best friends in the world and this is going to be a great conversation. I truly believe that we are divinely led to the very people that are supposed to be in our life. Especially at a time when things feel uncertain and you're navigating new things and you know, even though you're smiling on the outside, you're scared as shit on the inside. And I think that, you know, those people fall into our life so beautifully orchestrated by God and like the key to this. Like, I know that there's many of you listening right now that feel pretty alone in this life. And I know that we don't have to do life alone. And for most of my life, I felt very alone. And at a time that I was at the top of my game and coming up from the ashes, so to speak, I was allowing myself, even in the circus of it all. It was beautiful and fun and it was super uncomfortable for me. But I allowed myself to be present for the miracles that would come into my life. And sometimes that meant releasing some people, sometimes it meant bringing new people in. Which, if you've listened to me at all, you know that that's like, scary for me, right? As an enneagram 8, that's something that doesn't come naturally for me. And so I met this beautiful woman, gosh, almost six years ago now. And I'll never forget the first time that I saw her. She was speaking on a stage. I knew of her. And she opened up her mouth and, you know, I've talked to a few people and interviewed a few people, and you've heard me say, like, the minute I was in Their presence. It was like everybody in the room got quiet. It was almost like a freeze frame. And that was no different. When I heard Deanna Falchuk speak, she was wearing yellow, bright, bright yellow, which I've always been drawn to, but never wore. And I just knew that I had met a soul sister. We hadn't even had a conversation yet. And over the course of that whole weekend, we ended up both being awarded something so spectacular in comparison to where our lives were just a short two years before. We both were at rock bottom almost to the day, two years earlier. And it was this shining Cinderella moment that we were both on stage in these beautiful gowns, and people were clapping for us, and we're looking at each other like, is this really happening? And as we smiled and had our picture taken and we moved into the backstage, where they're asking us questions and doing all the things, and we still hadn't had a conversation yet. And it was in that moment again, the whole back area of the chaos and everything froze. And we looked at each other, and it's like we already knew each other. And then we trolloped around Paris and Rome and took fun selfies and ate crepes and Nutella and wore berets and just shared so many similarities. Even though we're different, but the same in a lot of ways. She's a Chicago native as well, a Midwest girl. We both played softball.

We both had kind of a rough and beautiful upbringing. I mean, you can have both. And this woman has opened up my willingness to be intimate with people. She was one of the very first that I was like, okay, this is a safe area for me to be myself in. And she has that way. She's got this beautiful spir. She's wise, wise, wise. Oh, my gosh. So take notes. And what I love about her, too, is her art of storytelling. And she can tell tales of such brokenness that offers so much hope. And I know through her storytelling, whether it's through her singing and her music, that, I mean, she's got quite the history there, too, which we'll probably get into to video. When she was doing YouTube stuff with her huge family, which we'll get into. Before YouTube was super popular, she was like, you know, YouTube famous, and then obviously into, you know, using her voice in different areas. But it was through broken promises in her childhood and moving through that, she was birthing new ones and bringing those to life to offer hope for others, including me. So with that, we're going to get into all her story in her bio and all that, so. But I wanted to tell you why I love her so and why you're going to fall in love with this conversation, too, so. Hi. Deanna Falchuk.

Tracy, I love you so much. And I do. I do remember meeting you, and it was as if time stood still. It's kind of rare these days to really find lifelong friends as you get a little bit older. And I remember it was just like we kind of locked eyes, and I said, you had known my story, but I hadn't known yours. And you just have this, like, you know, there's. It was like this poise. My mother had this strong, powerful poise about her, and you carry that, too. And I think that's one of the reason I was drawn to you. And you just said something very confidently but quietly. You said, you know, I've got quite a story, too. And we were kind of, like, rushed around. And I remember I kind of turned back. It was like I almost took a double take. And I said, I can't wait to hear it, you know? And that's how we became friends. And it was from this place of us having a similarity of kind of persevering through life after basically getting the crap kicked out of us several times and understanding the process of birthing. And I think, you know, that's why it's great to kind of talk about this. Like, there's been a lot of broken promises with people and a lot of struggles. And so I think it can be encouraging because people don't always talk about that process in between the success and the failure. They don't talk about that long labor and the grueling doubt and the struggles. Right, yeah.

You know, when you talk about broken promises, I remember, you know, obviously as a little girl growing up in the dysfunction that I was and the uncertainty and the just scariness of the way that I grew up, sometimes that I was like, what the heck? Why am I. Why am I even here if this is how it's going to be? And obviously, I went searching for that. But, you know, as life started kicking the shit out of me, so to speak, I felt like all these promises were broken for me. And I started to kind of like, fall victim to that. Like, woe is me.

Life is happening at me, and to me, I'm not going to catch a break. And obviously, you know, the more you think that, you know, the more that that's going to continue.

And I know you got the crap kicked out of you a little bit as a little girl as well, and you know, if people were following you today, obviously you're pretty bold in how you speak, which is what I freaking love about you. But if they were just to look at your beautiful, smiling face and the picture of the big family and everything, you know, I've said it before. You know, there is so much story behind the glory. And, you know, as the youngest of four daughters in the Midwest, in a home that, you know, on the outside might have looked okay, but what was happening behind those closed doors was something very different. And a lot of promises were broken for sweet little Deanna.

Yeah.

What were they?

Well, here's the thing. You know, you mentioned that feeling that when you're younger that, am I ever going to get out of it? And the truth is, is that a lot of people do grow up staying stuck in that place, and they never persevere into their promises or the promises that God has for them or their hopes and dreams. Somehow you were able to do that. I was able to do that. Many people are able to do that. So, as you mentioned, I was the youngest of four girls, and my parents had gotten divorced when I was just 8. Prior to that, my dad, paranoid schizophrenic, very verbally abusive. But I always felt that there was a part of me that, like, I just aspired for greatness. And one of the things that I did, because you talked about a little bit about beauty, and I don't know exactly what we were talking about, a little bit of the Cinderella story about us being on the stage. And I would go into the basement of my house, sing and to a Cinderella album. And it was those that reprogramming in my mind when my dad was saying, you're not gonna amount to anything, no one wants to hear what you're gonna say. You know, get out. You're bothering people. You're not gonna succeed. You know, all of this when I'm hearing I was rewiring my mind as a little girl, like, that's what. Like, it's natural for us to try to, like, get, you know, rewired. So I would go down in the basement and listen to dreams coming true and all this stuff. And. And that's what I did. So I just kept singing about impossible things coming true. And. And so there was this part of me that held onto that. But you know what? The battle of really believing that and standing in it is so hard when. Then you go back upstairs, right, Tracy? You go back upstairs and then you hear it again. You have to go back down. And so, you know, Growing up was not easy. And then so already I was having to kind of hold on to something, hold on to belief. And then as I got older, I really wanted to be something. So I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a great singer. And basically I was kind of told, you know, you can be anything you want, but why would you want to be a mother? And then my greatest tragedy was that I, after getting a great job singing on a castle, isn't that ironic, actually, that, you know, I was singing a lot in my basement. Cinderella songs about dreams coming true. But I get this job at Disney, singing, and I go there and I sing, and I ended up getting pregnant. And then I chose to have an abortion. And I bring this up because we're talking about broken promises and birthing the promise, right? And so I had the abortion because I didn't believe that I could persevere into the place that I wanted to be with success. A lot of pressure, you know, of having to make it. But then I didn't realize how devastated I would be. And the very thing I was trying to save by having this abortion, I lost. So what I learned through that experience, honestly, because I was devastated, was that, you know, sometimes things come into your life, obviously, at a bad time, and sometimes we make decisions that because we're trying to save something else, but possibly birthing the unexpected thing and persevering could be the greatest gift of your life. So since then, I'm very aware of that kind of fight or flight aspect that we have in our lives, and I've really persevered through that. And so since then, I got married years later, have two kids by birth and five kids by adoption, you know, and they've taught me so much about really persevering and moving through. And I teach them, they lost their parents, they watched their parents die. So we all have our little Cinderella stories. You know, they were hoping for people to come forward, and they were hoping for a promise, and we were able to do that. And we're still in the process of doing that. But I see them oftentimes going back into that, let's say, false mindset. And then we have to kind of reprogram that into persevering, birthing things when you want to run.

When I listen to you talk about.

Going into the basement and singing, and it's almost like, you know, that visual of the little kid with their fingers in their ears going, la, la, la, la la. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. And y' all she's an enneagram7. And that is very classic, like, to avoid, like, the pain. And I'm raising a seven. As you know, Deanna and grew up listening to her sing. You know, she used to say our house is a musical. And knowing her as a seven, too, it makes sense where, you know, that you're trying, even at such an early age, like, you are working hard to drown out the noise that is trying to invade and break those promises in your life. And yet, you know, moving forward, you go to Disney, you sing, you have the dream job. And in your mind, it's like, I can have one or the other. Right. Instead of, like, is it possible to have both? And that just wasn't modeled for you. Right. And so, you know, you have the abortion. Sweep that under the rug for that for now. Right? Or so you thought. Or so we think, right? I think when we. When we stuff stuff down and think we're wiping our slate clean, we think we can outrun, outlast, outwit, you know, and just move on. And as you know, that that's not always possible, even through, you know, getting married and having two of your own. And you guys, I want you to know, she mentioned she has two kids that she has birthed, and then she's adopted five internationally. And, you know, because Deanna and I are friends, I've typed her whole family. She pretty much covers the entire Enneagram within her family, so she's had to learn all the types, which is hilarious in of itself. But you get to that point and you're having the kids, and when did the music part come back into play as far as.

What you did for career, I mean. Cause you were a big deal out there, right?

So I left Disney. And by the way, I had done the singing. I sang the voice of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. I did recordings for them. But I left because I was just so devastated, I could hardly sing. And then I really. I found forgiveness. I went through the whole process of counseling. I prayed, I had my faith. And I kind of came back around to being able to actually find my joy and being able to sing again. And then. So then I started a big band in New York City, and that's where I met my husband. So for years, we worked in New York and we played all of these big functions and.

You know, the Plaza, the Waldorf, big celebrity parties, presidential inaugurals, that type of thing. So I had my own big band. And I was really crushing it, and I loved it. And then somehow, through that experience, Though after years of doing that, I started to feel like I really wanted more purpose in my life because it was sort of like. I don't know how to describe it better than kind of spitting in the wind. It was like the type of environment where you would give and sing, but it wasn't like I had my own albums out or anything. And so people were dancing, people were enjoying it, but it wasn't like you were feeling like it was reciprocal. And there was a part of me that really wanted to give back. And so the spirit of adoption fell on me. And that's when I went to adopt one child in Guatemala. And I still. Then I would come back and perform on the stages. And then I. A few years later, I. We adopted three kids from Ethiopia whose parents, you know, had died from aids. And they were aged five, six and nine at the time. And we were still doing the music, still doing the music. And then as they came home, then I incorporated the music and video into our YouTube channel, which is called you Parent. And I started to document, like, these kids. And it was so fun, but we really. I was making the money from being on stage, you know, in the. For the band, but I was starting to lose my love for it because I. All I wanted to do is these kids and give into them. So. And then in 2011, we adopted my son Alec from Ukraine, and he was labeled invalid at birth because of his. He has a serious chronic, but manageable.

Immune deficiency. So anyhow, we adopted him and, you know, he's amazing. But our finances started to go downhill because what I wanted to birth at that point was my ability to work at home, fully be with them. But how do you do that when your experience and your resume is like, you know, I'm basically an ex Disney princess and I've been singing on the stages of New York City. And at that point, something that you.

Said was so powerful too, and we've had talked at length about this in our sweatpants, over red velvet cake, in hotels and things like that. Like, there's something very profound when you are playing for these big events, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars just on floral arrangements and that get thrown away after it. And you are. You are bringing these children into your home that have faced talk about broken promises, right? And, you know, watching your parents be killed and.

Born into third world environments on top of it. And something like the alignment was there was a bigger gap every single time. And every child that you brought into your life and couple that with a recession around that same time, it was like a perfect storm. And it's almost like, but what am I going to do? I know that there's a deeper calling on my life and I know there's so many of you listening right now that you're doing something that you don't love. And I'm not knocking any of that because we got to do what we got to do. So sometimes, and I believe that everything has a season and you are in a season of like, I know spring is over there, but I'm stuck in this winter right now, and I don't know how I'm going to get to spring.

You know, and it was almost forced on you like it was on me. A recession will force things that are scary and also beautiful at the same time. Because there's something to be said about being humbled down to $0. Right? Even. Especially when you are looking into the faces of beautiful children that you have pulled out of the wreckage and have promised them a better life. And yet you're looking at the bank statement saying, what are we gonna do?

Right. Yeah, we. To elaborate a little bit more on that. I'm glad that you did you bring it up. You know, I. So I was wanting to do more like. And follow my heart. But then there's the bottom line of finances, right? So I had a million dollar band. It was my own band. We would make a million dollars with one band in the year. So we were living high in the hog for quite a while. But I would come back and from, you know, adopting my kids and after being exposed to children begging on the streets in Guatemala or Ethiopia or wherever, I would, I lost my patience for people who would argue over white, the difference, the difference in the shades of white on their tablecloth or complain about, I don't know, the wrong type of port wine, you know, and so I. I just got to this point where I was just wanting to move forward. But, you know, who leaves that type of money? And yet I felt stuck. I felt trapped. There's a lot of people out there who feel stuck and trapped in their career because they want to do more. But there's the money and there's the practical aspect. So I just kept praying and using the YouTube channel, honestly, was kind of a way for me to plant seeds of advocacy. So I went on. While I was doing all of this, I went online and was. Facebook was just kind of becoming, you know, more well known and more standard. But I was making these videos, I was forming a community and somehow then. Then the recession hit and my Work started to slow down, and yet I didn't want to reinvent the wheel. I didn't want to build it again. But then there's the question of, I've got a huge mortgage. I've got all these payments. I've got these kids. What do I do? So what I didn't realize was that the network that I was creating was totally like, you know, I was sitting on a gold mine, but I didn't really know how to deal with it. So our family really struggled for a while after we had adopted, and we got to the point where we were, like, you know, poverty level, and we were even getting food supplemented from, you know, food pantries because we were, like, near foreclosure. I didn't know how to pay for a little McMansion. And that's when I entered into a network marketing opportunity or work at home business. And so it was at that point then I realized that I. You know, and here's the thing about birthing promises. Sometimes your doubt. When you hit a recession, you forget who you are. Your identity is gone. I forgot that I was the person that built the Million Dollar Band. I forgot that I was the person who had a great soft softball team when I was a kid and could pitch our team all the way to the nationals. You know, you forget parts of yourself and you think you can't do it again. You're incapable. And people will try to tell you that. That don't want you to leave the area that you're in. But instead, a light bulb went off and I went, wait a second. All of these thousands of people that are regular subscribers on YouTube and all of these people that I've been talking to about adoption, they don't have the money, you know, to finance their adoptions or to even work at home, too. And what if this business that I'm building can actually help them as well? So then I was able to birth myself out of the pit because I really felt like we were just going down. Like you said, it was in a dark place all winter. No spring, no summer. And I just started working really hard. But every day it was sort of like going back in the basement and singing the songs again to myself. Like, I'm wonderful. I can do the impossible things, you know, because I would have doubt. But it worked. And I was able to build a substantial business. And that's how we came full circle into us both being princesses on the stage, receiving our awards, you know?

Yeah. And I think, like, for both of us, because we literally started the network marketing company at the same time, within a week of each other and also not even realizing, like, what was to come with that. We both started for the products and then within a week, we both are like, well, wait a second, there's something to this. Let me explore further. And because we were both kind of in the pits, we really didn't have much to lose at that point.

And I think there's something to be said. There's a gift in desperation sometimes, if you choose to look at it that way and don't stay in the pit and you have to, you know, even when you're buried under rubble, if you even shift the rubble that's on top of you a little bit, you might even see a glimmer of light. You know, you think about it and you have to be willing to keep shifting a little bit and getting. You never know. Just shifting. This one thing could destroy you and it could free you. That's right, free you. And that's kind of what happened for both of us. And it happened so fast for both of us very parallel that we didn't really even have time to feel like the scare, the scared parts of like, am I really qualified to do this? Am I really doing this because it happened so fast for the right reasons. We knew, both of us knew that if we helped enough people, we would be abundantly blessed. And that's kind of how we operated separately before we even knew each other. And then when we came together, it was kind of like this holy shit moment. Like, wow, we really did this. And we've both pulled ourselves out of wreckage more than one time. And, you know, as we are doing that, we're helping a lot of people along the way and moving into the calling of our lives. You know, I had been in the car industry, which was very icky and, you know, very. What have you done for me lately? You were in the music industry, which is very much like that too. It's like every day you're a freaking one hit wonder, right? Every single day you're a one hit wonder in both the car industry and the music industry. And I think part of us. I know I did. I was like, okay, you know, I had to drown out that one hit wonder kind of mentality. Like, can I do this over and over and over again? Can I keep this up? Because you and I both had experience waiting for the other shoe to drop most of our life and broken promises and things happening that were out of our control and like, how much do we have in the tank to be able to, to do this again.

Yeah. And you know, you had mentioned something about the rubble and breaking through the rubble. And there's, there is a lesson. I call it a faith muscle. Like you really do build a faith muscle from going through those experiences and the remnants that are sort of left with you, you know, like maybe the pain from your past or whatever. But when you, when you do persevere and take action, like you said, in order to get out of the rubble, you got to like try to push some rock aside and you have to try to step forward. So that the thing is, is that it's a faith muscle. And I think the gift, because you had mentioned earlier being kind of a downfall but also a gift is that you do learn and you get stronger and being able to go through those ebbs and flows in life when everything's great now, it's awful, now what, now what do you do? How do you get through that? You don't know. It's the darkness and not knowing. Now here's the thing. There are lot of people who have never really practiced their faith muscle. And so they're just desperate and stuck because they don't understand that you don't get to see past the first step, that you just have to keep taking steps and eventually all that rubble will be off of you. So my steps were like, make a video, you know, I don't know, something crazy like with my kids, I mean, adopt a child. It was just these little small things that eventually got me there. And the same thing is when I was kid, it was just like, okay. I mean, I started reading like self help books when I was like 10. So I was just like, I realized the benefit of having to speak life into myself when there was other stuff coming at me. And I just feel like there's a lot of people out there who haven't understood the process of birthing the promise. It is labor. There are contractions, it's painful at times, it's a struggle at times. But when you birth the thing, it's the promise and the goal that you have set for yourself that will be the huge reward at the end of it. But if you're not willing to push, if you're not willing to take that rock off of on top of you off, then you're just going to be stuck and feel the weight of the world on you. So you have to be able to push it through.

You know, I, I read something recently that said if you take steps and know the outcome, that's not courage. It's only when you take the steps and not see what's in front of you that that's where real bravery and courage comes. And I love what you just said. Any woman that's ever given birth and gone through labor, there's. There's always that point. I don't know a woman who hasn't said this that says, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't. I just forget it. I don't want to do this anymore. Usually at about 10 cm dilated about, you know, and if you've gotten an epidural, it's starting to wear off or whatever, or even whatever. I don't know any woman that's gone through any kind of active labor that said, that hasn't said, you know what? Forget it, I don't want to do this.

That's right.

And as you're going through your own birthing process of whatever God and life has for you, it's going to hurt. It really is. And we, you know, especially when we're blessed enough to give birth to a baby and have that experience, the minute that that reward and that gift is in front of you, you forget all the pain you just went through. And, you know, I think in our journey and the rise that we went through in our network marketing company on that stage, as we won those big awards and those trips, it was like we were just put. The baby was put in our hands, and all of a sudden it was like, okay, this was worth it, you know, and then. And then that birthing process, that baby in your hands turns into a toddler.

That's right.

Right. And about two years after we won those awards, we were in the toddler process of. Of that. And anybody who's also raised toddlers know that that is the most thankless job. It's hard. It's. It's like that will test every ounce of patience that you have and grace. And so, you know, we had the success and we're helping a lot of people, yet things were starting to happen and more adversity. Was it rock bottom? Absolutely not. But, you know, we were getting rumblings of, oh, things are shifting again. And around that time, you know, you started openly speaking about the abortion. I know that you and I had done some events together and you hadn't publicly ever talked about it, and it was about two, three years ago that you started doing that and through telling that story, and this is where she's so beautiful. Like something like abortion, obviously, as you know, I mean, super controversial. Everybody's got an opinion, very strong opinion about it. And yet she could speak on this subject in a way for something that's so hard and circumstantial in a lot of ways. You know, we don't know all the circumstances to everybody that's out there, but she was able to tell this story in a way that brought the conversation back to the table about a subject that's so hush hush at times or whatever. But she was able to speak of it in a way that was beautiful for something so hard to speak of it so beautifully and offer hope to those that had been through that and maybe were told false promises about what that would mean. And I know that that was a turning point for you in your life when you started to publicly speak about that.

Yeah. You know, it was such a gift because, you know, having to shove down like the thing that you, you know, you. We make contracts, contracts with ourselves and we say we will never tell anybody that again. But what we do when we do that is we sort of live a life feeling a little bit like an imposter. And so as I started to talk about it, other women would come forward and we'd share. And you know, I think people in general, regardless of what side they fall on in this, you know, debate, I mean, I'm very strongly pro life, but I also do recognize that regardless of where people fall on their, people are good in general. Right. They're good people. And so I wanted to really share the story to highlight really what it's done for a lot of women has not been what we were told that it would do, but also to really talk about what does it look like when you make a decision in your life that is literally a destructive one, like something that you greatly regret that may have at one point in your life, put shame on you that you've hidden. This could be like incest, an affair, a divorce, whatever. And so bringing that out kind of made it safer for other people to share whatever their thing was, you know, so in my heart, really.

Because I really talk to a lot of women who are post abortive who have never shared this and want to kind of walk through the process of what it's like to be fully healed. Right. But I. But it also then brings forward other people who are like that had these dreams and hopes that they're so stuck because they're stuck in that trauma that was, that they experienced, whether it was, you know, rape or a decision that they made on their own. Right. So what I found was so beautiful is that it brought me into a place of being able to use what I consider one of the most tragic decisions of my life. And God has used that for me to be able to touch other people and show them, you know, listen, you know, I had that abortion years ago, but then I had. I gave birth. And then even when I was going into adoption, you talk about that experience of not wanting. Like, you're in labor and you're like, I don't want to have this baby. The fear of any big gift is. It's. The fear piece is going to be there. It's like, are you going to push through it? That transition piece, even if you're not giving birth in adoption, it was there. Like, am I crazy? I'm going to adopt three kids from Ethiopia. Like, everybody put doubt in my mind. Like, in business, it's like, I've got this great idea. Let me start a podcast. Wait, everybody starts a podcast, right? So there's these doubts and these things. And you said you, you know, you don't really know all of the steps. So sharing that and opening up the door to. To really moving into something more meaningful with being able to share with women, you know, how can you birth this? How can you shake the regret of your life? How can you shake the shame and build your own faith muscle and go through the process? It's like the baby isn't just, you know, dropped into your lap. Even if you adopt, there's a process, process. So that's what I wanted to share with people. And it is, you know, it's pretty. Pretty bold to just talk about your abortion. Not everybody's going to talk about it or be in agreement with it, but I just feel for myself that it really opens up the door for full discourse on all of our crap. You know, like, let's all. Let's put it on the table and share. Not everybody's going to want to, but you know how it is, Tracy. They pull you aside and they whisper in your ear and they start crying, crying and breaking down and telling you. Because it's the first time when you hold that in, you're not fully. Like, I would just tell people, just share with somebody or write it down. Like, write it down. What are your feelings? Journal it.

I remember the first time I started publicly talking about sobriety and the fact that I was a woman that was in recovery and the shit that I got for that from people of that. That community even. I was shocked by it. I was like, like, you're breaking the traditions of. I was like, Listen, listen. We all know the statistics. And. And same thing with abortion. You know, the statistics of those women that have, like you said, have gone through whatever experience to come to the decision that that has to happen. Same thing with me in recovery. Like, there are so many people out there that never speak of it, and. And are dying, buried under a pile of shame. And shame is the silent killer. And I knew, knowing the statistics I did, that speaking about it.

Would offer hope in a way, because, you know, I know the statistics of recovery, and it's very grim. And if I could show what's possible, then maybe somebody would hang in there one more day and fight the good fight and shift the rubble that was on top of them. And I know by you speaking up, you have done the same for so many people. Does that mean they're gonna go on to publicly speak about it? No. Does that mean I'm gonna be speaking on big stages about it? No. But you know what? I know for me and I know for you.

Just knowing that one woman has said, you made me feel less alone in this was enough for me, because I would have died for somebody to speak up the way that I have today. And I know that you would have, too. And so I think that what you are doing is so beautiful. And then about a year ago.

Some tweet came across people looking, for whatever reason, looking for Disney princesses that have had an abortion.

Yes. Yeah. So Planned Parenthood tweeted, we need a Disney princess who's had an abortion. And, you know, I mean, it's not like I was walking around talking about this all the time, but I thought to myself, who else can respond to that? Because I was a Disney princess and I did have an abortion. And. And so I responded to that in writing, which is what I love to do. And what I'm really leaning into now is just writing and blogging and that type of thing. So I wrote a post that ended up going viral. And so there I was. Now, all of a sudden, I was publicly talking about my abortion like, you know, Fox News, Glenn Beck, Breitbart, like, you know, all these different magazines. And, you know, I started writing for the Federalist through that, and it's so interesting. What God does is he'll take those stories, you know, full circle. And what.

It.

What dawned on me was just, wow, you know, here it is even now. Even, like last week, Michelle Williams posted about how. Or, I mean, she spoke at the Golden Globes about how she had to have an abortion in order to, you know, really get her award, and the thing is, is that media will tell us that we're being more of a woman or more strong by making that choice. But that's really kind of like, not progress. Right. Why shouldn't we be the bosses? And if we feel like, you know, let's make a film or what? So I don't know. I responded because, remember, I was a little girl who was greatly influenced by Disney, and, you know, then I worked at Disney, and I made a decision to. I made a decision to abort my child because I was working at Disney. And then now they were tweeting about how they wanted to write content that would move children, not Disney. Planned Parenthood said that Disney should do this.

That would move children closer to having abortions and choosing that. And so that just kind of, you know, hit a nerve for me, and I responded and.

It went viral. And I realized how many women out there, tons of women, then came forward and shared their stories with me. And so we kind of formed this little group that we call the Pro Life Princesses, Just this little support group. But it also got me to kind of really think about healing and really falling into, like, what, you know, what does it look like to really. Let's lean into our healing and talk about it a little bit more, how we're subjected to this messaging.

And there's something to be said, like, I know you. You and I both have spoken very openly to our networks who, you know, in this weird subculture that it can be sometimes. Like, we know the impact we're making on our smaller little subculture, but when all of a sudden that goes, like, global.

Yeah.

And both of us have in some ways, and all of a sudden, you're under a microscope a little bit. And, you know, your family can be affected by this. Right. And it's. It's interesting because I love that you are focusing on the healing aspect of it. Not just for you, because I know you've done a lot of healing through this exposure even. And, you know, it's in your own face, like the stuff that you've buried around this. Right. And, you know, we're constantly evolving that healing process. I still am, too. You know, every life thing that happens exposes deeper healing that can come from some of these experiences, whether it was being raised with a schizophrenic father or an alcoholic father or, you know, sexual abuse or whatever it is.

Just because we've done some work doesn't mean we're ever done. And I think that the healing process, not just for you, but you showing others that you are not. You're not your choices. Right? I mean, there's consequences to every choice and some work we have to do around some of the choices that we've made. And it this coming very loud. I mean, this is a hot topic too, that very passionate on both sides or even in the middle. Right. And so with your own healing process and your gift of writing and bringing women and a community together, this healing community together, you are showing women how to share their story in a way that can offer more hope and healing and not necessarily arguments. I think people share their stories to get a rise out of people, to almost spiritually bypass their own work to. And I'm not knocking it because usually it's just what they know. I was one of those people for a long time, so I have compassion and give them so much grace. But you're showing a different way that you can share your story, heal, help others heal, and do some beautiful work for the greatest good and help turn what seems to be a dark world sometimes into the light. Right. And so what's that been like with you as far as, like, showing women specifically how to share their stories and even write their stories?

Well, I'm really, honestly just now really die. Well, in the past, like six months or so, diving back into blogging and being a huge advocate for that. Before I started network marketing, I was blogging all the time. And I feel like expressing yourself, you know, onto paper, you know, blog like Facebook, you can blog on LinkedIn, meaning, you know, just express yourselves. And so I've been working with people to write. Now not all of them want to put it on a social media platform, right? So just to get it out. When I.

Sat down to write a book years ago, like, it was in 2009, and it was about. It's called to be a Mother. And it was about my adoptions. And I was, you know, I'm a woman of faith. So I was like in the middle of prayer, and that's when God, like, said, tell your whole story. And it was. I had never told my whole story to anybody. And I started writing it. And it was through that writing process that I got to relive it. And it was just me, but it. At least it was coming out, right? And then eventually I ended up sharing it with, you know, with. With people. And so it ended up being just this beautiful thing because I was able to heal. And then I went into actual healing and counseling other people. So I help people. I reach out to women. I have A group that I'm building called Birthing to Promise. I've written a book called the Cinderella Mindset that that is not released yet. But this is really about rags to riches and about transcending the darkness in your life. And honestly, this could apply to post abortive women. This could apply from women who have really been trafficked, gone through domestic abuse. All of us, honestly, really like, what does it look like to go, what does it look like to go from the ashes up into the sparkles? And so I'm really turning to that and I'm encouraging other women to express themselves with somebody, talk about it. And I will say the one thing that I've discovered is that even though when we look at the news and we look on social media, people are easy to argue with each other, but when we have one on one conversations with people, I have a lot of pro choice friends that still struggle with their abortions, but they're not really necessarily changing their position and they still need healing. Right. So in real life, on one on one conversations I'm hanging out with, yeah, a lot of my friends are more, you know, in line with what I, what I believe. But some, that's the. Some could be like some of my closest people who I love dearly, who necessary, who haven't necessarily come around to saying, you know, making a proclamation that they're pro life, like, you know, but there can still be the healing that needs to be done. And so that's where I'm at. I'm really just wanting to have conversations in love with the people that I love. And, but really the goal is to help people to really accomplish what it is that they need to accomplish in life. Don't get stuck, you know, don't be stuck with your pain and your struggles from your past, you know, move forward into birthing the very thing that God has planned for you and the promises that God has planned for you. And so that's, that's where I'm at right now.

I think what you said is so important that, you know, helping women tell their stories, even if it's in their own journal with a cup of coffee, quiet time, because that does heal. And you know, long before I started talking about recovery on stages, it was just me in a journal too. And we release the chains.

Of that cell block we've kept ourselves in. When we speak our truth, we stay as sick as our secrets. I've often said. And you know, even if that secret is told only to a piece of paper that you end up burning Getting it out of your body is so, so important. And, you know, I love that you are doing this work. I love that you are showing other women hope and healing. One of the things, when I was at my darkest of days, you know, we've been talking a lot about promises and things like that, and the promise that, you know, we are all supposed to live this beautiful life and, you know, free will comes and takes charge sometimes, and we start going down paths that maybe weren't for us and make decisions that maybe weren't God's design for us. And. And yet I believe we can always get back on our soul's path to that. And I know, like, when I was in rehab and I heard these promises, there was very specific promises that I heard. And. And I want to share some of them with you, you, Deanna, and you as an audience, because I know there's many of you listening right now that, you know, we're in this new year, new me and all that crap. And. And you're still, like, dealing with the wreckage of the last few years, quite possibly, right? And the repercussions of that. And I was too. Like, even though I had made a decision to change my life, I was still dealing with the fallout, right? And sometimes, I mean, seven and a half years later, I'm still dealing with some of that. But you have to hold on to something and also be willing to, like we said, shift the rubble. And, you know, if we're. One of the promises I heard is if we're painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we're halfway through.

And, you know, it was very quickly, once I made the decision and took even baby step action, that I started to feel that.

The other promise I heard as I was sitting there with, you know, shame piled on top of me was we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. And it doesn't mean we linger long in the wreckage of it, but you have to look and see what didn't work. And. And you have to, like, own some of your decisions is where radical honesty and rigorous honesty comes into play. And I know that you've had to face that in talking about this like, you know, with your. With your daughters, with your family, with strangers even. And the one that really hit me, and it still chokes me up to this day. And I remember looking at this, like, how is this possible for a girl like me? When I read this one, it said, no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience will benefit others. And as I read that, I was like, who the hell would ever listen to anything I have to say? I'm a pure example of what not to do. And yet I still flexed my faith muscle in that moment that you talk about and said, well, my best thinking has gotten me in this hole. So how about if I start thinking a different way and start singing beautiful, you know, Disney tunes to myself to believe that that promise can actually come true. If I take one foot forward and flex my faith muscle a little bit every day, have that courage, you know, and like I said, courage is taking steps without knowing the outcome. And I know many of you right now are afraid to take that step. And I hope that listening to Deanna and even me from time to time will at least allow you, even if it's one toe at a time, I don't care. Just move forward one little baby step at a time. So, Deanna, I love you. I think that you can help so many people even articulate their story in a way that takes them out of that shame cycle. So where can people find you? Lean into your healing community, whatever, to, you know, grab onto your wisdom and look at you as a beacon of light and hope.

Well, you can go to my blog, which is deannafalchuk.com and then just use my same name on Instagram, LinkedIn and Facebook. I am offering a little opt in today so that you can stay in the loop because I'm really, I'm opening up a Patreon community that's. That's a different type of community than a Facebook group, but it'll be really called Birthing the Promise. And that is for, you know, post abortive women or anybody who really just feels like something happened and they just really need to persevere into birth, you know.

So when you opt in at 44222 and type in, this is for a text. Text 44222 and then you put the word Cinderella. And I have a little gift for you. It's just these kind of encouraging things about Cinderella, but it's really just for you to stay positive in your mindset. And then that will also get you on a list of being able to kind of get some updates as to when those are happening. But I welcome any of any of you to reach out to me because I really love just meeting new people and sharing and, you know, seeing if there's anything that I can do to help you in your walk into success.

Well, I think for both of us and anybody that has bravely told their story that I know for me that sometimes just hearing somebody else speak takes you out of that loneliness of it. And I know that by you sharing so much of your story for so many years now, I mean, I know that's what connected us. Because, you know, when we share our stories, it builds connection and truly understanding each other. And it's how we find compassion, I think, too, not just for other people, but especially for ourselves. So I love you. I. I honor, you know, what you do. I honor the gift you are to this world and especially to my life. And I'm just so grateful that you know, if you're listening out there, that you know that you're not alone in any of your pain. You're not. And there is somebody out there that understands you, that sees you, that hears you. And you don't have to do this alone. So please reach out to me, Deanna, and if this landed on your heart, please take a screenshot and share it on social media with us so we know that, you know, what we're saying is helping you and how we can bring more of that to you. I know that Deanna would appreciate knowing that too. This is scary to do sometimes, to put ourselves out there and knowing that you're listening and that it's helping you just will fuel our fire to keep boldly walking the walk and blazing the trail for many that will follow. So, Deanna, I love you so much. Thanks for being here today.

It's been awesome. Thank you.

Tracy, thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.

Sam.