61: Overcoming trauma by building strong personal integrity with Amy Ledin

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week, I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today's guest is someone very, very special to me. And I'm not gonna lie, when I first met her, I was kind of intimidated. And those of you that know me, you know that's really hard to do. But my goodness, does this woman have a posture and a presence that just commands a room in the most lovely of ways? I mean, she's got this power stance and power haircut and beautiful, like just vibrant face. But you can tell that there is a soul that is destined to do good in this world. And I've learned that when I'm intimidated by people, those are the people that I need to pay a very close attention to. Not for safety or security, but because they are something special. And that instinct proved to be very, very true when I met Amy Lyd Dean. Gosh, it was almost about a year ago now. You know, the minute we connected for a soul chat, we realized that we had a lot in common. We've been through the wringer. We've got piles of shame that we tried to throw under the rug and ended up falling on our faces over, you know, she's got very, very successful business with her husband. And you guys hear me say this all the time. You see the glory, but you don't know the story in what it took to get there. As unpack this conversation, you're going to be blown away by what this beautiful leader and friend has overcome. You know, she has a business called Lean Bodies Consulting, which kind of takes care of the outside, but she's way more than that, Way more than that. And she helps in ways that go beyond what the eyes can see. And so today we're going to talk about these nuggets. So, you know, I Want you guys to know that you're going to get some insane value. We're going to talk about how high personal integrity will increase your confidence. And I know that confidence is kind of one of those fluffy words that we throw around, but it really is everything in how you show up in the world. Because when you have a posture and a confidence in believing everything that you're doing, you can move the needle for people really quickly. You can move mountains in your life. The other thing, when you hear her story, and in general, she's definitely somebody who walks this talk, because she's going to talk about how one finding one silver lining in everything, how it can change the perspective and where your life can go from there. And, you know, I know many of you listening. I've heard you. You've hit me up in the DMs, and I know the hard things that you've been through. You've told me that my story is very similar to yours at times. And I'm here to tell you, Ms. Amy Ledeen's is no different. She is just like you. She's just like me. The difference is she always finds that silver lining. Today wasn't always that way, though. And she'll share that with you.

So.

Hi, Amy. How are you?

Hi, there. Man, that was, like, the most insane intro I think I've ever had in my life. I even had to take a note because I was going to say the same thing, that when I met you, I had that intimidation. And I'm like you, where I actually know that when I have that, it's because it's a quality I want. It's something I see in that person that they have that I'm like. So I knew that, you know, immediately. So I love that you shared that with me because it's so funny how we come in and we're so, you know, I mean, I come in small always, you know, yet on the outside, I know people see differently, but that was definitely. Thank you for that.

You're very welcome. So let's talk about that. Like, what you just said is so powerful. I come in small all the time, but on the outside, I appear very powerful. Wow.

Everybody listening right now just said, holy shit, she is speaking my language. And in the world of, you know, filtered Instagram and all the things, a lot of people are showing up that way. And there's no judgment here because, I mean, that's something that you had to learn early on in your life, right?

Totally. Totally. 100%.

So take us back a little bit. Yeah, we've got the multimillion dollar house in Canada. We've got the handsome husband and the beautiful children and a banging body. But it wasn't always that way. And even today with all those things you just said, I show up small yet.

Absolutely.

Oh my gosh, right?

Totally. I think, you know, and I'm so thankful to find like the tribe that, you know, we've all found that people are so real like this because we do need to share more of this because I never knew that other people were feeling the same way. You know, just the other day I saw Lori, Lori Harder post posted a post about. It was like a spoof on, during Masterminds, you go up to your room, you know, during your breaks and that's what her and Chris used to do. I still to this day, because I am, you know, I'm intimidated and it's, it's, it takes a lot of my energy to then, you know, I get nervous. Like I've literally googled like how to have conversations with people. So I go up to my room and so when I read that on Lori's, I messaged her, I said, girl, this is me today. Never mind two years ago.

So I'm just real like that. I really am. I mean, I do have a powerful stance on the outside. You know, I have a mohawk. And you know, part of that is, you know, when you beat cancer, you just don't give a crap anymore. And so I think it really taught me I really got away from judgment. I realized how much I had been a judgmental person. And when I lost my hair and I watched people just stare at me at times and you know, I really learned that you just don't know someone's story like, you know, and so I don't, I don't know on the outside what that's telling me anymore. And I really try to just take it and look at everyone at like their 7 year old self. And I'm still, and I'm still a seven year old too, you know, walking in that room, you know, let's go.

Back to seven year old Amy. You know, you and I have talked a lot about this and as we raise children, like we're seeing, oh shit, like we're past, like if we don't repair it, we repeat it. I say all the time. So seven year old Amy obviously bought into a belief that she had to have this very strong presence, right?

Totally.

Yet inside she was a scared little.

Girl 100% and kept that up for, I mean, all of My life. It was, I think, about three and a half years ago that I told my husband for the first time ever, that I needed him. I wouldn't tell people that I needed them because I felt like if you had that power over me, that then you would take that away from me. And so that was same.

That was super powerful. Just even. We'd just gone to a marriage seminar where I literally, for the first time, actually real. It was like. And it was at a Christian seminar where the pastor had to teach me that we were equal, because I had just been raised still in that, you know, not feeling that way. And so always playing small as well, not even knowing it, but then on the inside, like, not having it. But my achievement was what got me, I guess, attention. If you're looking at, like, from the childhood and now going through years of therapy. I was sexually abused. And, you know, people have asked me. I was on a podcast where she was like, you know, when did you start wondering? I mean, I masturbated at 4. I knew something was different. So that is probably why I never wanted people to probably see the real me, because I did think something was wrong with me. You know, I'm sure I ran away a couple times as a kid that I still don't. That's just come back fragmented. Like, I've talked to my mom. I've said, what the heck was I running away for? You know, we had a big family of four brothers. But growing up then I realized that I would be seen if I did really good academically. So I was a straight A student. I did. I volunteered for everything. I was. I did it all because that would. I think, you know, gave me that, you know, attention, and it probably fueled. I mean, it really did help me in a lot of ways. If I'm. I'm looking back because I struggled with my weight. I was very overweight all through. My nickname was Piglet. My brothers called me Piglet. They were all skinny. If you've ever watched this Is Us, I was. You know, how they even, like, treated you differently. And I don't. I mean, I've had these conversations. My parents. I don't blame them. It's such a hard thing being a parent. You want the best for them. So my mom, you know, when I've. Because I've said to her, I was on a diet at 13. What were you thinking? You know, she's like, amy, I just. I didn't want to see you get teased. I didn't know. I did the best I could with What I know how, you know. And so that led into years of struggling with dieting to the point of even watching my mom when I was 25, she had gastric bypass. I then. I mean, I did every. I tried everything, and finally I had. I had a son. Well, back up. I got pregnant in high school. That's. That's my other thing. So getting pregnant in high school, how could I even forget that? But that. And that's pretty crazy because I blocked that for so long. I grew up in a pretty, you know, strictly religious.

Home where they would almost encourage, in our religion that if you got pregnant, if there was someone that was pregnant in high school, they would actually move you away to another city.

Because they felt like it would, you know, they would tell you that it was because they didn't really want, you know, the shame on you. So you really did know that it, like, oh, even if you weren't shameful, you knew it should be shameful. I stayed with my family because I lived in Hawaii, and moving to the mainland to go live with, like, another family would have just been, thankfully, you know, pretty crazy. And then halfway through my pregnancy, I decided to place the baby. And that was kind of, you know, their encouragement is, if you're not willing to get married, you know, you should. I have no regrets. You know, I always say to people when I talk about adoption, it was the best thing for me, especially now that I am, like, aware and present. I would have been a wreck, you know, and not even emotionally, like, able. But so going through that experience from a religious standpoint was really, really hard. It was like wearing the scarlet letter every Sunday, you know, feeling a lot of unworthiness. And then I had the baby. And since it was a closed adoption, it was literally, like, I drove home from the hospital and we never spoke about it again.

That is so, like, can you even imagine? And, you know, I agree. Like, I can look back at my parents, and of course they did the best they could with what they knew, all the things. But as a mom today, and you're a mom, like, I can't even imagine never speaking of that again. And what that did for you, like, that taught you right then and there that, like, we keep anything that's negative quiet.

Totally right. And that I should actually have shame. Like, you should be, I mean, embarrassed. Like, so embarrassed that you want to move away that nobody gets to be told. So even to the point of. So I was about eight months pregnant, and my parents, my dad's parents were coming to Hawaii. They would Come every winter to visit for three months. My dad had to tell them when they. He hadn't even told them my whole pregnancy. He waited until they landed in Hawaii, which makes me sad for my dad. That shows how much pressure of the shame he had.

Well, it's, it's cyclical. It goes from family generation to family generation to family generation. Right.

And so it was like they, they specifically then told my parents, don't tell any of our family on the mainland. Like, you don't. Nobody needs to know. So I really buried that. But it didn't, I mean, obviously, like, heal from that. And so I, you know, after I had the baby, I got busy right back into it. I immediately got a job for Tiffany & Co. And ended up being the youngest store manager in history. Like, and so I knew what to pour into. The problem with that was like, I think I went to work at like two weeks post baby. It just never was spoken about. I know my mom talking with her, she didn't know what to really say at that point. And for me, with the closed adoption, you didn't get anything except for, you know, on the year. So then that really just was something I closed. I shared it with my husband, like, as I was getting more serious with, you know, my, my first husband, like, okay, well, by the way, I've had a baby because there is always that possibility that, hey, when she turns 18, you know, I want that to be, you know, open. So then leading through. So I was struggling with weight, got married to my husband, my first husband, and had a son and had a moment at the park where I realized I didn' want to be the park bench mom that was overweight and didn't have any energy. So luckily I originally did it for internal reasons and we talk a lot about this in my business. Like, if you have, you have to have a deep reason. So thankfully, the first seventy of my hundred pounds came from, like, me just wanting to be healthy. So I did Weight Watchers. Like, I was literally like the newbie that didn't know anything. It wasn't until I got into the fitness arena that I think I went from. I started to go outside in where then that's when I started to break personal integrity. You start to do things that like, really even go against what you know is good for you. Restricting your calories over cardio ing yourself. So here I was, 100 pounds lighter, but freaking hating myself. Like, hating.

Myself. Well, that's something that you said earlier. Like you had learned that achievements is what got you attention and so even though the first 70 was internally for you, all of a sudden you real people are paying attention and it's not something you ever had. So, yeah, that is your internal motivation. You will go to great lengths to have that, even at the expense of your health, which is what.

Happened. Totally, totally. And so getting down to that point and then at that point, you know, that's when my life was really falling apart. You know, not keeping personal integrity.

Crossing a line with a best friend who was a man, which I don't ever suggest as an adult if, like you're married, like opposite sex, like we now, I mean, we can laugh with our exes. We're all friends, right? But back then, you know, we went to a football game together. Like I said, eric, if you came home today and told me you were going with Tracy to the Redskins game next Saturday, I would say I'm over my dead body. Like, you know, like, meaning it would just be weird, right? And so the red flags, you know, through all of that, not to like, I mean, I have a whole podcast on, you know, just our affairs. But going through that was reliving my. I didn't realize this because I was so unconscious, right? It was until I went through therapy and I got cancer that I realized, you know what? That was the spark from my 18 year old unworthy self. Because this was me repeating something. It was a shameful pregnancy. And I was. Because I was married in the religious sector here, two kids, 15 years, and now I'm pregnant by another guy. Like, I can't hide it. So my inner talk at that point was. And people on the outside don't see it. They saw I'm having an affair, and they're like, oh my gosh, you know, I am literally at the place where my inner bitch is so loud that I'm starting to believe her. Like, she's saying, you are white trash. I mean, look, Amy, I can even prove the story to you. And I'm showing you. And so I had all this proof there and just a really, really low point. And honestly, I mean, my, you know, between just God, my ex husb. I mean, we all ended up going through that, you know, divorcing now. I mean, he was just here last weekend. We do holidays together. We've had a lot of healing. But even post, you know, even after having that, I truly believe then, you know, fast forward two years later. So I have a toddler, I'm a single mom living in Virginia, and I go in and they find a mass in my colon. Next Thing you know, I've, you know, stage four non small cell lung cancer. First person I Google, actually, ironically, when I was finally diagnosed stage four, I find Joe Dispenza and a testimonial of someone from trauma. Stage 4 non small cell lung cancer is a non smoking cancer that has been linked a lot to trauma. I didn't know this at the time. I went four years of just regular, just treatment before I even was awakened to knowing that I really have a lot more power over these things, you know, but. And that kind of brought me to. When I joined the Mastermind last year, I was finishing up my last 30 days of chemo when I came out for that. So that was the end of my six years. But I basically became, I mean, I went from the year prior. I was told that I had maybe four months and that I was out of, you know, options because we had, at this point, you know, everything. We tried, you know, everything, and we were right at the place of doing immunotherapy and we thought it was going well. But I got these PET scans and I. And I came home and admittedly I did lose it. Like, I, I can't say I had faith the whole way through. I did. I came home and I'm like, I was just, that's it. I'm over it. I'm. Do I need to surrender at this point? You know, I said to Eric, like, I'm, like, I just don't even, you know, I'm. Because I usually lash out. And he stopped me and he said, you know what? It's either you believe or you don't. Either you're in or you're out. You either have to go all in that you really believe that this is crap and you're going to ignore it and we're going to continue to just do what we're doing. And I was like, you're right. And then a month later, I requested new PET scans and I didn't even have no evidence of active disease. I had no evidence of disease.

Period. So you said a bunch of stuff there that I know a lot of people are thinking about when you talk about like, low personal integrity and burying trauma and powering your way through in air quotes, which, you know, all those things can apply to me and most of you listening. I know that we all have these things in the closet that we just bury, shove down, power through, and it's making you sick, it's making you tired, it's making you feel like an imposter and you'll never Live out your calling as long as that's happening. So you know when you have this moment where you realize that this. The shift needs to happen with this high personal integrity, when does that come? And when do you notice that just by making that shift in your personal integrity that everything starts to.

Change?

Well, would you. What people don't realize, like, with an affair is you actually don't like yourself. Like when you're. Because you're cheating on yourself. So you really. You have no personal integrity. Because if, If. I mean, if you're willing to cheat on yourself, I mean, you're gonna cheat on others, you're gonna lie to others, like in whatever. Whatever form it may be. So if people don't, and people don't realize, it starts with you. Because I didn't really. I wasn't like lying to everyone in my life, but I definitely was lying to myself. You know what I mean? That is where it starts. So for me, I wanted to find a way that I could kind of measure it. I've always been like someone that likes to the metrics of things. And so I started by just listening to my inner critic. So at night, most of us, we all have it. It's like, we get into bed and it's kind of like reflection time. Okay. And I related to fitness because that's where I'm usually. I'm in wellness nutrition coach. So for me, it was. I'd get in bed at night and inner bitch would be like, why'd you fucking eat that cake? Excuse my language. But, you know, because she's mean. Because, hey, inner. Inner bitch. Inner bitch is like, mean, mean. I'm talking like. And she'll, you know, you should. Tomorrow you will do this and you are going to go to the gym and you're, you know, like, it's all about that, right? So I wanted to find ways to squash it. So I started actually taking whatever I was hearing that inner bitch. And I started just writing it and then trying to keep that personal agreement. So I started calling them agreements. And then I came up with a formula where every night I go to bed, I write one personal growth agreement. So this could be like, take a cold shower. It could be, don't hit snooze. It has to be something that's making me grow every day. And if you listen to like, Tom Bilyeux, he talks a lot about like, confidence is the byproduct of previous performance, but it has to be something you value and has to be something hard. So with the person. So I say One personal growth agreement, and then it's one nutritional agreement. And it can be anything. I just truly believe, like, it all starts internally here. So you gotta go to bed knowing, like, what's my plan for tomorrow? Like, am I gonna. And so it's pinpointing one thing that you can measure might be I'm gonna eat three servings of vegetables. I'm gonna follow my meal plan. I'm gonna get 100 grams of protein, whatever it may be. Then it is one activity agreement. We don't move enough in our lives. And it's a way to also, like, training is a big catalyst to big transformation because training makes you push against discomfort. So anytime you can like pump some iron, like, that always is going to push your vulner. Like your limitations, you're more vulnerable. So you got to always have an activity agreement. Even if it's like a day off from the gym, I still know every day it might be five minutes of stretching, something that's good for you. So then I write them literally on a little index card. Like, it'll say my personal growth. It'll say my. You know, so today mine was no snooze and no social media for the first 60 minutes of the day. Okay. And then number two is my training. So I put upper body training and I put no IG or social. No Facebook during training. So I'm staying like my best.

Friend. Oh, that's a good.

One. Yeah. And then I put, you know, three liters of water. No eating after 8pm Just because I make bad decisions after 8. Not that it's magical. And then you can add other ones on here, like, because again, this is about what would make me win my day. Well, what was going to make me win my day is if I completed two emails for an email series I'm working on. And then my last one was I call it my 50 for 15, which is 15 minutes on 50 people I want to focus on. So I put those on a card. But you're only required to do the three. And my rule is this. And I do a bootcamp and I'm psycho during the 15 days because I'm trying to teach you. It's. It's not about what's on the card. Like, really, it's trying to teach you that you keep your word no matter freaking what. Like, if I got to get back out of bed to do the five stupid pushups, I do them. Because it's not about the push ups. It's about the fact that you kept your word. So for the 15 days I have, people do this bootcamp, we write out our cards, we share them, and then I try to just show them that you don't let your feelings vote in those times and that when you delay gratification, you know, like, one lady, for example, on her first day, for her nutrition, she put no coffee creamer. She just thought, okay, cool. I'll be good. No coffee creamer. So the next morning, she comes in the group, and she goes, oh, my gosh, my coffee tastes like crap. She goes, but like you said, tomorrow, I can. I cannot. That doesn't need to be my agreement for tomorrow, because you write a card every night. But today, I keep my word, and I prove to myself that this has no power over me. I don't need my coffee creamer. My agreement matters more, and I keep it. And so what you see over just as little as, like, about 15 to 20 days, you go from, like, having little confidence to, like, a rock star. And I get it. It's on small, little things. But what happens is then you start inserting your goals into the daily agreements. And then it almost becomes scary because you're like, whatever I write down, like, Eric already knows so well with me, he goes, is it on your card? Oh, yeah, we got it. You're doing it. Like, he just knows. Like, it's happening no matter what. My kids know. But, mom, is it one of your agreements? Because I try to teach them that, like, it's not about what other people see. This is my word to me. And the things that are on there don't really matter. It's just me really living in alignment. Because it's about finding the things that are really loud, Talking that big, you know, inner critic, inner bitch, and finding a way to squash it. You know? It's like sometimes it might be tasks. Like, I needed to get my Nexus card, for example. And it was just nagging at me. Like, every day, I kept. I need to do my Nexus card. I put it on my card. Man, did that feel good. That night when I had that win, you know, I'm like, I do what I say I'm gonna do. My kids noticed the difference with me. Like, they came to me honestly, and they were like, you know, there's times where you say, you're taking us to the grocery store, and we just never really believed you. And I was like, now? They're like, but we know now. Like, when you tell us that we're gonna go at seven, we're going at seven. And that matters more to me. Than any success in any other area, honestly. It's just showing them that it matters and then them believing it and seeing.

It. Well, I know for me, and I'm an overachiever, I'm not going to call it overachiever, but.

I am one of those that, you know, has goals in mind. And the first thing that gets written off the list are the promises that I have made to myself. And there is something about that. Like I'll keep promises all day long to things and people, people, places and things that aren't me. And I know how shitty I felt inside because that's out of integrity. Like if you're a leader or a parent or just a human being, when you are out of integrity in keeping promises to yourself, it does not feel good and it will affect and drip into every aspect of your life. And it was about, gosh, four or five months ago. And I know you're going to understand this because I know you've done this too. I was like, okay, I am not keeping promises to myself. And this does not feel good. And it's making. It's pissing me the fuck off at this point. And my health is not great, but on the outside, of course, everything's fine, right? And so I did the 75 hard, which I know you've done too. Not for any outward appearance. I didn't even tell a freaking soul other than my two children and a few close friends. And because that thing is about keeping promises to yourself. Five promises every day to yourself that aren't that hard. And I was like, okay, this isn't that hard. But I had this internal battle and I was sobbing because I knew, like, that was like looking in the mirror saying, okay, bitch, you're about to keep promises to yourself every single day no matter what. And I did it. And I'm in another round of it because of what you just said. How great I felt and how effective I was in my business. How much of a more present parent I was, how my health shocker improved. I lost 15 pounds. I feel great. All the things, the knowledge I gained from reading so much more than scrolling on the bullshit social media. But what you said about that high personal integrity and that card is you guys get out. I have indexed card sitting right here and I am going to do that too. I love that. Put two to three on there every day. And no matter, even if you have a shitty day, you do those.

Two things totally and make it be your transition. Like, we've talked a lot about it with 75 heart because what I love about 75 heart is someone has given you a program and they say these are the five things that you're going to do, and then you nail it. And I think that's amazing. However, this is the one thing I would love to have the conversation with Andy is this. It's great. But then we're teaching ourselves to follow someone else's program. So this is. So it's great for a season in a phase. Because I do love that you. Because what I love the power of is you got to do things that make no sense. Like take a picture every day. I tried to logically, and it's like, it's the point of just being an intentional and sometimes just following orders. And there's power in.

That. And like, there are times I got out of bed, I'm like, oh, shit. And I look homeless in pretty much every picture as I. Yeah, but it's building the habit of keeping a promise to.

Yourself.

Yep.

Right. And that was. And that was kind of why afterwards I was like, I gotta phase into really being focused on trying to treat that like my 75 hard. And that whatever I put down here matters to me. And, you know, you can renegotiate and we learn to do that because that's, you know, you. I follow like the 9010 rule. My goal last year was to have 300 wins in a year of 365 cards. Because I don't believe in the perfection problem is if we start to chase that. Right. We start to go, well, I have to be perfect to feel this way. And now I'm like, I actually take my loss and I call it a learn. And what I do is I allow it to be a learn. If I then write down two strategies in writing of how I would have won it. And sometimes it's just not cave. Like, if it's nutritionally, hey, just be more aware.

Remember your why. But I'll put two strategies down. And that really got me away from my perfect. Because I'm. I'm a. You give me a program, I'll follow it to a T. And then I would fall apart at times. And then I was just a good program follower, you know, Now I'm an agreement follower. And it's, you know, like, I have clients. I love when they do 75 hours. I tell them, do it. This will be a catalyst. Because if you've got a good support system and a good belief, he's a great person to learn it from and then transition, you know. But I love that you're doing.

It. Yeah, it's. Honestly, it's the best thing I've ever done for my health and mental wellness because there's nothing better. Obviously the body followed and that's fantastic. But that's not what I smile about. It's like, this is the first time in my life that consistently I kept every promise to myself. And that feels really fucking.

Good. I know you're feeling. I can feel it from you because I get, I actually get excited. I have a couple really rough winter days that remind me of last year that I go take me back to. I actually missed the trip that I had to pack all my hundred percent Eric and I and go two days and get up at 2:00am I'm like, why am I loving? Like, it's amazing that you. Because I can feel it from you and you're like.

Exciting. Oh, and it's so funny because people are like, what's going on with you? I'm like, just keeping promises over here. That's all it is. They're like, what's different? I'm like, that's it. I kept five promises a day to myself every day for 75 days. And you know, when I didn't, like, I had about three weeks where I was like, eh, I'm good. You know what? I started breaking promises to myself and I started to feel like shit again. I was like, no, no, no, no. And I didn't go to shame or anything like that. But that's how powerful this personal integrity is. And I like, do something that gets you in the habit of it and then make it your own and your agreements and all of that. So we talked about, you know, I know there's a lot of you listening that 2019 kicked the shit out of you. And there's residual from that and you know, I hear from you. Yeah, but you don't understand what it. It's like to go through this. And girlfriend, you and I are pretty similar. I have pretty much been through everything as you have except losing a child to death and finding that silver lining in everything.

Even through heartbreak because you've been through enough heartbreak and so have I and pain to see on the other side of it the blessings that come from that. The blessings that come from that. You know, I love how you said it turn a loss, I take a loss and turn it into a learn and same thing with physical and emotional and huge losses, whether it's your health, a person, any of those things. How did you realize that finding the silver lining in it would actually. It doesn't take away the pain, because that hurts. It hurts to be betrayed. It hurts to lose somebody you love. It hurts when your health takes a shit. It hurts. Xyz. You fill in the blank for you. Like, we're not saying finding the silver lining means shoving that shit under the rug and the pain under the rug, because her and I both have health experiences where trauma has a lot to do with our health issue. It has almost everything to do. I will stand firm and say that, like, my unhealed trauma had everything to do with my deterioration in health. So when you have gone through the things that you've gone through, and there's a long list of things, right, where do you realize that finding the silver lining actually moves the needle and creates more joy and things in your.

Life? You know, I think it's. I realized one, my brain's a program. Like, it really is if you see it as, like, this computer program. When I started going through cancer at about year four, the doctors started to notice. They're like, okay, Amy's crushing it. Like, we're hammering her body, but she's still working. I'm still training. I was, but it was my attitude. It was the attitude of, like, I've got to see the positive. And so I knew attitude already had a power in that because I was seeing the difference in that. And when studying that, I would even see, like, they take senior citizens, take half a group that will watch a comedy and half a group that watches the drama, the comedy. Their blood lipid panel actually changes for the better, like, for diabetics, which is crazy because it's joy, right? So I knew that if I stay in that place that it's hard not to be in that place when you're constantly having bad news. But I was actually listening to Ed Mylett, and he said something on one of his podcasts, and I listened to it still every single month. It's unlocking your success code. And he says, you are where you are right now because you feel you. Because you feel you should be there. Like, you are where you are. You deserve to be, whether it be feelings, physical, your pain, all of that. And I'm like, this is a choice. I can choose to change. I can flip anything. And so I usually. I mean, I'm a big limiting belief believer in that you got to go squash it. So if I've just gotten really bad news, I'll go look for, like, something that's far worse or remind myself of something that's far worse. I go to the extremes. So that I am remembering every day, like the blessings I have even in the midst of it. I mean that's even with like, you know, looking back at like my sexual abuse and being actually thankful, like thankful for it now, which I know a lot of people would think is crazy. But I know I wouldn't have been, I don't even think I would have been able to fight cancer had I not gone through the two traumas I already had gone through. To be honest, like at that point I had toughened up enough I guess to face.

It. So I know there's some people out there listening right now that are facing a health crisis. I mean we have all these unexplained health crisis is happening right now. And I know you and I know what that's about. There's people that are facing relationships that are about to implode and they're like white knuckling their way through. There are people out there that they're seeing history repeat itself in their children and they don't know what to do. What is the first thing you would say to end because you've experienced all of that, what is the first thing that you would tell that person? You out there listening, what would you tell them is the very first thing to.

Do?

I think in this day I would actually probably first tell them to start following certain accounts. No joke. I think that social media now has not been given the justice that it should. I found my therapist, the holistic psychologist Nicole Lepera through just social media, reached out to her before she got real huge and was like, I want to work one on one with you. So it's first finding that there's so many resources now online and then two, I mean getting into therapy like you, I mean if you have like any autoimmune issues or like if those are the things you're really struggling with. And believe me, I'm. I mean people know me as like this evidence based coach. And so I remember a few years ago being really like as if therapies healing some thyroid. Are you kidding me? It is, it's healing it, it's just legit doing it. So it's finding the right people to coach you. Like I don't even think. I mean nowadays it's, it's therapy but it's also communities. I mean you don't even need to like nowadays the resources if you get the right ones and ask for, you know, case studies or whatever, if you are. But there's, there's so much out there, but it is in it's truly healing your inner wounds. You know, I mean, I had the mother room, the father room, like, all of.

It. I got them all, too. I feel you.

Sister. And not seeing it as an end point, just like fat loss, because I always relate the analogies. There is no end point. And I think I even didn't realize that until last year when I was thinking I was getting better and I was having a therapy session. And she said, amy, this is a practice. Like, one you're never going to be perfect. Like, I was so upset that I'd, like, slipped up into, like, an old pattern, you know? And I'm like, I've been future self journaling, and.

And she's like, amy, it's a practice. She's like, why do you think people relate to me? I share my lifetime, like, you know.

Issues.

I tell. I'm gonna tell all of you. I'm gonna tell. Remind you, Amy. I'm gonna remind myself and everybody listening that the work is never done until our time on earth is. And if you just know that, you know what, and loosen the grip on trying to have it all figured out, it gets easier. It doesn't mean it's without pain or heartache or hurt from time to time, but it does get easier. So I know that you do a free monthly boot camp based on the daily agreement. So that is something that all of you out there can do easily, and it's free. And you can. Could get a taste of Amy, every month.

Right? Oh, yes. Yes. I do a Facebook group, and I love it. I mean, I had, like 300 join last month. And it's primarily because, honestly, I am so passionate about this, and I want to see people succeed in other areas. Like, I realized that as a coach in the fat loss, if people can't keep these agreements, what happened is they couldn't even, like, follow the program, even though it was all the things they liked and all the things they wanted. So it actually helps me. So we started. It's completely separate from our regular community. It's just called DAC Bootcamp community. I dump it every month, like, after the 15 days, so you get fresh people in. And I do it for the first 15 days, and I go live, like, every day because I just want people to. It is a boot camp. It's like anytime you are getting new at some, you know, learning something new, you have to kind of not balance yourself and go all in. So it's kind of like training your brain every day, being more intentional. And most people are like, day Five. They're like, I can't believe how much I've been like, lying to myself and cutting corners and justifying voice of.

Compromise. You know, how do they get into.

That? They just go, if you look up DAC Boot Camp community, I'm on. It's. It's on there. Or come.

Underscore.

Ladine. Say that one more time. I think you cut out. What was.

It? Sorry, Instagram, Amyledeen, led I n or on Facebook. They can come and just find the DAC Boot Camp.

Community. That's amazing. I'll be joining that with you all. So you can join with me because I think it's great. And I love that you do 15 days and dump it to get new energy in. Because there is something to be said about stagnant energy.

My dear friend. One of the questions that I ask, you know, because I think, you know, when we're moving through life, I mean, we get one shot at this. You've come near death, so have I. And it definitely shifts perspective on how we show up in the world and how we choose to be present with our bodies, with our souls, with our. The people we care about. And, you know, tomorrow's not guaranteed ever. And so something I like to ask everybody is if your time on earth was done today, what would you want people to say about you at your.

Funeral?

That I was real, you know, that I. That I showed up even after such a, you know, it was a publicly shaming time with my affair that I would hope. I mean, they saw change. That they really saw that I was a different.

Person. And you know what? You are real as fuck. And that's what I love so much about you. I'm so grateful that you have come and blessed the socks off everybody listening and myself. What an honor to love you and to learn from you. Thanks for being on.

Today. Thank you for having.

Me.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you into even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.